Esther Earl's Journal
This Star Won't Go Out!
Written Mar 28, 2013 5:43pm
Star, I told you I would write your story! <3
It seems that Esther's Star shows no signs of dimming! Toward the end, as her health was declining, I promised her I would write her story. I realize now that I was trying to control the inevitable, trying to tame death and that writing would be a way of somehow keeping her here. I guess I sort of knew that, then, but I was reeling with grief. I still am. Everyone who knew Esther will never get over her awful, early departure.
But her star will not go out! Love is like that: it cannot die. It may change, or flicker but it's finally indestructible. I really believe that. Of course, I knew the power that was Esther, held her as a newborn and held her in death and loved her with all my heart in the in between times and she was a mighty force. I am not afraid of death and neither was she. I am so grateful that Penguin has miraculously (thank you John Green!) agreed to publish some of what I wrote alongside Esther's journals and other writings. That's where the real story is as her talent is amazing. From the press release,
"The unique memoir will be published in close collaboration with Wayne and Lori Earl, Esther’s parents, who said, “Esther dreamed of being an author. Her life was her book. She didn't get to choose the ending, but the way she filled the pages made her story irresistible. Sharing our Star—our amazing burst of sunshine—is a way of spreading light. We hope others will be changed as we have been.”
Finally, as a family, we are extremely touched by the many Guestbook entries recorded on this site. Esther loved reading them and I am sure -though I imagine she is involved in more interesting things these days- that, if it's possible, she's still blessed by your thoughts. And why not? If our love for her intensifies over time, then surely her passion for us cannot abate, right? Certainly, her Star continues to shine and that brightness inspires us, comforts us, and reminds us that we have much to live for. So live here, now, and make it your aim to care deeply for others. That's what she did and I see no way to improve upon that.
Written Dec 19, 2010 9:52pm
This little book has now come to its natural end. Esther really enjoyed your many kind expressions of encouragement. Thank you for that. You helped to make her struggle, and our part in that, bearable. We are convinced that love never dies, that it transcends anything that may come our way! We have memories of an amazing human being and an abiding hope that this is but a temporary separation. She loved her family and friends with such grace. It was easy to love her, too. Life was easier for everyone with her here.
Thank you for loving our Star!
Wayne and Lori
Written Dec 4, 2010 1:50pmFriends of Esther,
Thank you so much for continuing to honor Esther's memory through your meaningful Guestbook entries here. Sadly, this wonderful meeting place must now come to a end. If you'd like to add another comment or two, you have a few days left to do so as we will be closing this site before Christmas. However, after that, there are several ways that you can continue to keep up with all things Esther. We've just begun a site dedicated to our new foundation created in her memory. This organization will provide resources to cancer patients and their families as well as fund projects Esther would have loved. Go to facebook and check out: This Star Won't Go Out
Of course, Esther has youtube and facebook pages which are still available to view and comment on (see the links section on this site). We also have a youtube channel (go to youtube and search: wayneandloriearl) where we have been posting new videos of her. We have hours of our beloved on tape and hope to edit and share more of her creative spirit long into the future.
O friends, you cannot imagine how we miss our Star! She is constantly in our thoughts and dreams. We wake each day and wonder how anyone could endure such insanity. Our kids are so young and their lives will be less breezy without her. Abraham will never really remember her. On Friday, we ordered the tombstone that she, herself picked out. Yes, she'd be okay with what we said but what kid should ever choose such a memorial? We carry a perpetual sadness. Was it worth it? I can't believe you'd ask such a question! One minute with Esther was worth all that any pain can throw at us. 16 years beside such a soul was a privilege, the greatest of honors. Watching her unroll a daily patchwork of grace left us inspired and humbled and very, very proud. She was regal but also completely in the moment, "wickedly awesome". Estee walked on earth gently and deeply. She loved well and without exception. Her life is her true memorial, a living monument that will outlive us all.
"Those who are wise shall shine like the brightness of the sky above...like the stars forever and ever." -Daniel 12:3
With Deepest Appreciation for Your Support of our Esther Grace,
Wayne & Lori