Dax Locke's Journal
Written Jan 1, 2014 12:03am
My mind has been spinning in circles and I haven't had clear idea of what to write lately. Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of the day Dax's precious little heart stopped beating. It was also the 4th anniversary of Cora Peters being admitted at St. Jude. I sent caramel apple down to Cora's room. The next four years Cora and her family have become my family. Three and a half weeks ago Cora was admitted into the hospital and her parents were told she would only live 2 weeks and not see Christmas.... Cora lived to see Christmas and then passed away the same exact day and in the same exact way Dax did. She passed away peacefully and with grace. I know God's plan is perfect and I'm looking forward to watching it unfold itself to glorify him even more. My eyes are filled with tears thinking about how much I miss my son and Cora. Cora told me before she passed away that she would hold and kiss Dax for me right when she saw him. It's incredibly sad but it's also a relief to know they are already home and I will be with them again. When Dax passed away I didn't know Jesus. I didn't understand Dax was going to live for eternity. It was numbing to put his body in the cold ground and thinking that was just it. Going through this process with Cora, with my blinders off, I now know this is just our temporary home and I will continue to follow my heart and love with all I have. Happy New Years.
Cherish Every Moment
P.S. Click on this link to read Coras obituary. www.caringbridge.org/visit/corapeters
Written Dec 13, 2013 12:41am
The last several years have been a trial for sure. Today I can say I'm beyond thankful for every single one of them. It all started with God giving a little boy named Dax that would end up saving my life and giving my life a purpose. I could never have began to imagine the plan, when I gave birth to the Dax, that God had in store for my heart. The first moment I saw Dax my heart was changed forever. I had never loved something more than my needs before. As time went on and Dax got sick people were placed in my life that I had never meet before that knew this peace in there hearts about loving others and I was instantly drawn to them. The list of those people is long and honestly some came in and out so fast I couldn't tell you their names. As I sit back and think about it I'm in awe of the whole situation. I was drawn to people who knew Jesus and I didn't. He was working in my heart to bring me to him and I continued to push him away and lean on what I thought was just the "good" in people. When I knew Dax wasn't going to survive the overwhelming love of his grace and peace again took over my heart and helped me get through his death. Putting Dax's body into the ground was awful for me because to me because I didn't know the truth. After that, with Dax's movie beginning made and my daughter being born, I didn't have time to grieve. Before I knew it my marriage was over and I was left only to go towards what I had been drawn to since day one. I went to church and gave my life to God. It's been a year since I have been saved. In that time I have grieved many losses and gained more true knowledge about what real love is. God is love. No matter what problem I'm facing weather it be divorce, a tornado hitting my house, a hard heart or just everyday fears I have found every answer in Gods word. I use to look for that in people and I let that shape my thoughts and feelings. My heart always would feel the pains from turning to people but its shape stood still.
Today a young girl by the name of Cora Peter's is passing away from cancer. Cora came to St. Jude when Dax was passing away. We were both on the same floor and I had heard she was newly diagnosed. Gifts were flooding our door step and some caramel apples were dropped off. I asked the nurse to please send them over to Cora and her family. I knew what they were feeling being newly diagnosed and I wanted more than anything to take it away from them. Four years later Cora is in the same boat we were in with Dax. They don't know how many more precious hours are left for Cora. This family has been on my heart everyday since I first met them. They have become a second family to me and Cora has inspired me to press on with my foundation and just life in general. The Dax Locke Foundation has sponsored a camp that St. Jude kids attend for one week each summer now for 2 years. The camp is staffed with St. Jude nurses and doctors and the kids are able to get their treatment at the camp and just be kids. My favorite part about it is the kids are all patients of St. Jude and they feel "normal" there. The reason I'm evening describing this camp right now is because this year Cora was able to attend. Cora doesn't cry because she is, in her words, the boss:) Cora cried leaving camp that week and told me it was the best week of her life. She was able to connect with girls in her group who have all lost their own hair, been hospitalized, missed tons of school, and felt out of place for being sick. I will cherish those words and push forward with my mission because of her and Dax. I spend a lot of time with her and her family right now and its been a huge blessing for me to witness God's perfect plan with my blinders off. I didn't see things this way when Dax was passing. I saw all things through information based off of papers, peoples thoughts and my emotions. It's not easy, don't get me wrong, but it's life changing to put your heart out there in a hard situation. Cora's has taught me so much about faith, hope, love and mostly the importance of selflessness. Please take time and visit her caring bridge or facebook page to leave her messages of love like you all do for me.Above is a picture we took with Dax's sister Madeline and Cora.Cherish Every Moment
Written Nov 23, 2013 10:55pm
Tomorrow will be 1 week from when the tornado devastated the lives of my community. It feels like it was yesterday. I find myself each day beyond over whelmed and emotionally drained. Unfortunately it hasn't been smooth but nothing in life is. Madeline and I have moved 3 times since Sunday and trying to work out our plans for the future is no easy task as a single mother. It's hard for me to focus on much and the amount of things needed to be done is hard to determine because so many people are in need. I have heard amazing stories of survival yet many stories of trauma and fear. We are told not to fear in the bible but I'm guilty of it for sure. When the tornado passed over my home I was completely scared and still can hear the sounds in my thoughts of my windows breaking and people yelling for help. Today was a very hard evening for me. I got a phone call this evening that the person who has my old number that i changed earlier this year is asking people for donations. The friends and family I hadn't gotten my new number to texted and called that number and the man has asked them for money. He told them he was my best friend and to write the checks to himself Bryson Tracey and send them to his house at 1919 W Antoinette in Peoria. He has my old number 309-472-3074. Im mortified and very sad to be taken advantage of in this time of need. I know the devil has to try to get his hands in this situation but I know God will handle it for me. People who want to send any donations to us please use the one below. Please pray for all of us who have been affected by this tornado.
Cherish Every Moment
c/o Jan Austin
7908 N Radnor RdPeoria, IL 61615