Dax Locke's Journal
Written Dec 13, 2013 12:41am
The last several years have been a trial for sure. Today I can say I'm beyond thankful for every single one of them. It all started with God giving a little boy named Dax that would end up saving my life and giving my life a purpose. I could never have began to imagine the plan, when I gave birth to the Dax, that God had in store for my heart. The first moment I saw Dax my heart was changed forever. I had never loved something more than my needs before. As time went on and Dax got sick people were placed in my life that I had never meet before that knew this peace in there hearts about loving others and I was instantly drawn to them. The list of those people is long and honestly some came in and out so fast I couldn't tell you their names. As I sit back and think about it I'm in awe of the whole situation. I was drawn to people who knew Jesus and I didn't. He was working in my heart to bring me to him and I continued to push him away and lean on what I thought was just the "good" in people. When I knew Dax wasn't going to survive the overwhelming love of his grace and peace again took over my heart and helped me get through his death. Putting Dax's body into the ground was awful for me because to me because I didn't know the truth. After that, with Dax's movie beginning made and my daughter being born, I didn't have time to grieve. Before I knew it my marriage was over and I was left only to go towards what I had been drawn to since day one. I went to church and gave my life to God. It's been a year since I have been saved. In that time I have grieved many losses and gained more true knowledge about what real love is. God is love. No matter what problem I'm facing weather it be divorce, a tornado hitting my house, a hard heart or just everyday fears I have found every answer in Gods word. I use to look for that in people and I let that shape my thoughts and feelings. My heart always would feel the pains from turning to people but its shape stood still.
Today a young girl by the name of Cora Peter's is passing away from cancer. Cora came to St. Jude when Dax was passing away. We were both on the same floor and I had heard she was newly diagnosed. Gifts were flooding our door step and some caramel apples were dropped off. I asked the nurse to please send them over to Cora and her family. I knew what they were feeling being newly diagnosed and I wanted more than anything to take it away from them. Four years later Cora is in the same boat we were in with Dax. They don't know how many more precious hours are left for Cora. This family has been on my heart everyday since I first met them. They have become a second family to me and Cora has inspired me to press on with my foundation and just life in general. The Dax Locke Foundation has sponsored a camp that St. Jude kids attend for one week each summer now for 2 years. The camp is staffed with St. Jude nurses and doctors and the kids are able to get their treatment at the camp and just be kids. My favorite part about it is the kids are all patients of St. Jude and they feel "normal" there. The reason I'm evening describing this camp right now is because this year Cora was able to attend. Cora doesn't cry because she is, in her words, the boss:) Cora cried leaving camp that week and told me it was the best week of her life. She was able to connect with girls in her group who have all lost their own hair, been hospitalized, missed tons of school, and felt out of place for being sick. I will cherish those words and push forward with my mission because of her and Dax. I spend a lot of time with her and her family right now and its been a huge blessing for me to witness God's perfect plan with my blinders off. I didn't see things this way when Dax was passing. I saw all things through information based off of papers, peoples thoughts and my emotions. It's not easy, don't get me wrong, but it's life changing to put your heart out there in a hard situation. Cora's has taught me so much about faith, hope, love and mostly the importance of selflessness. Please take time and visit her caring bridge or facebook page to leave her messages of love like you all do for me.Above is a picture we took with Dax's sister Madeline and Cora.Cherish Every Moment
Written Nov 23, 2013 10:55pm
Tomorrow will be 1 week from when the tornado devastated the lives of my community. It feels like it was yesterday. I find myself each day beyond over whelmed and emotionally drained. Unfortunately it hasn't been smooth but nothing in life is. Madeline and I have moved 3 times since Sunday and trying to work out our plans for the future is no easy task as a single mother. It's hard for me to focus on much and the amount of things needed to be done is hard to determine because so many people are in need. I have heard amazing stories of survival yet many stories of trauma and fear. We are told not to fear in the bible but I'm guilty of it for sure. When the tornado passed over my home I was completely scared and still can hear the sounds in my thoughts of my windows breaking and people yelling for help. Today was a very hard evening for me. I got a phone call this evening that the person who has my old number that i changed earlier this year is asking people for donations. The friends and family I hadn't gotten my new number to texted and called that number and the man has asked them for money. He told them he was my best friend and to write the checks to himself Bryson Tracey and send them to his house at 1919 W Antoinette in Peoria. He has my old number 309-472-3074. Im mortified and very sad to be taken advantage of in this time of need. I know the devil has to try to get his hands in this situation but I know God will handle it for me. People who want to send any donations to us please use the one below. Please pray for all of us who have been affected by this tornado.
Cherish Every Moment
c/o Jan Austin
7908 N Radnor RdPeoria, IL 61615
Written Nov 17, 2013 11:04pm
Today I laid over my daughter's body in my basement as a tornado ripped through my house.... The loss of Dax, my husband walking out on us and now today. We had just gotten home from church and within five minutes we were down in the basement knelt down in the shower with Madeline under my body while everything above me was breaking and crashing. I was terrified. I wish I could say I was calm and collected but I wasn't. After it passed over I kissed Madeline's sweet perfect skin on her cheek and gave her to my mom. I ran upstairs and glass and debris was everywhere. I quickly ran down the street and it was silent except for cries for help. It was completely demolished and unrecognizable. I was yelling at piles of rubble looking for people while the overwhelming smell of gas was nauseating. Me and another man found a family in a basement with a beautiful little girl. Their house was leveled and they handed the baby up to me through a broken window. The parents came up with the help of the man and the husband didn't have one shoe on. All I could see was the sheer devastation on their faces for seeing the destruction for the first time. I gave the husband my shoe so he could carry the baby and lead his wife to the safety of the church. This was moments after the storm hit and hardly anyone was out. I ran back to my house with one shoe on to find another shoe and people were beginning to come out. I just hugged people as I saw them and cried with them as we all just were thankful to be alive. I couldn't even process what the next step was I should be doing so I got Madeline and headed to my sisters house. We are now settled in a lovely hotel room with everything we need, each other. I have been displaced from my home now three times with Dax being sick in Memphis, my husband leaving us, and now this. I trust God's plan for me and Madeline is perfect but tonight I'm a bit tired. I will continue to put my trust in him 100% and do what I can to help the people affected by todays nightmare. Driving out of my subdivision today my heart bled for all the parents that held their children and love ones tight today. I just put Madeline down and thanked God for being able to sing to her again and pray with her. I cried many tears of joy just having the opportunity to listen to her prays. I know I had some amazing angels today holding me today.
Cherish Every Moment