This time last year I was trying to get myself to go to sleep because I was so excited I would be a bride the next day and marry the man who I had grown to love so intensely. I was looking forward to a life full of holidays, laughs and adventures with him. Tonight I am feeling physically ill. I think all the stress has caught up to me and I have been sitting on the couch in a blanket almost all day. I have mixed emotions about tomorrow. On one hand I have two beautiful adult children to enjoy Mother's Day for, but I am grieving for my anniversary with David. It is hard to know I won't even get one year as his wife. No anniversary dinner or flowers. No sweet kisses or holding hands. Yes I still miss him greatly, but I know I must go on. I have to live and love again because I know that is what David wants for me. It doesn't make tomorrow any easier though.