David Gabbard's Journal
Written Apr 11, 2013 6:28amI woke up at 3 am this morning. The house was so quiet and as much as I tried to go back to sleep my brain kept thinking about the past year. I can't believe how much someone can touch your life in such a small amount of time. David came into my life and let his faith and servant's heart shine in my life. Even when he became very sick and I had to quit my job I didn't even think twice. I knew my place was to be by his side. For better or worse we were one. He loved me to the very end and he told me every day. Even when he was very weak and couldn't talk much I will always remember him looking at me and blowing me a kiss. Holding hands was always a staple of our relationship. Whenever he would be in the hospital I would pull my chair up next to the bed and hold his hand until we went to sleep. It made me feel safe and warm. We had so many special moments in those final months. You would think being with someone 24 hours a day would be hard, but it rarely bothered me. I was more uptight when I had to leave him for a couple hours. My last text from him was two days before he died. I didn't even know he could still text and I had come home for a couple of hours and he texted, "Where r u". That would be the last text he would ever send and I am happy he wanted to be with me as much as I wanted to be with him. My wish for everyone reading this is that you have the opportunity to find such a love. I remember when we were having marriage counseling before the wedding our minister told us to search God first and he would make us move together in our marriage. I have to say it was the best advice we could have received.
Written Apr 10, 2013 7:18pmAs a school psychologist I thought I had a good handle on what to expect of grief. Let me tell you I was very wrong. I can't remember anything and I get upset by little things. Yesterday was exceptionally hard for me. I found David's record collection and started playing them. We had a lot in common when it came to music. Lots of 80's albums I wish we could have shared. Today was a better day. I have heard that is how grief works.
Written Apr 8, 2013 8:41pmI have had a pretty good day today. I tried to keep myself busy and see people who make me feel good. I have been missing David, but I know in my spirit he is very happy to be home. I have so much to do to let people know of his passing and contacting home health agencies to pick up supplies and equipment. I am not looking forward to calling my insurance to explain why I want to remove him from my policy, but this is my reality. I can't hide forever, I know it won't be pleasant, but I know I can get through. I am pretty tired tonight so I won't make this long.