David Gabbard's Journal
Written Apr 25, 2013 10:13pmIt has been three weeks since David died and I am still having a hard time adjusting. I was completing paperwork for an upcoming doctor's appointment and realized I didn't have an emergency contact. Of course I started crying. I hadn't thought of that. I called Mrs. Gabbard, who had referred me to this doctor and told her. She told me to put her as the contact. I know I am going to hit these snags over and over, but it is very difficult. It's been three weeks and I still miss him so very much. I am glad he isn't sick or hurting any more, but I can't help but want him here with me.
Written Apr 21, 2013 10:11pmTonight I want to say how thankful I am for my in-laws. Scott has been great listening to me when I can't hardly speak. He has really been so helpful and loving toward me. Of course Momma Gabbard is great. She still loves me and wants me in her life even though David is no longer here with us. This week has been really hard for me. I miss David. I sometimes think oh I can do this, but then I see or hear something that just makes my heart ache. I praise God I had such a wonderful love in my life, but it is hard being without him. David was such a good influence on me and encourager for me. He taught me so much in our short marriage. I have found that I get so angry some times that he is gone, but when I say my prayers at night I let God know how thankful I am that he chose me to be with David. What others might think of as a hardship I endured, I think of as the love of my life. David had the incredible ability to show and make me feel loved. I will alway be thankful I met him even when I am so sad this is how it ended.
Written Apr 19, 2013 9:30pmYesterday I finally had time to print the wedding photos. (I know it seems weird to do it after David's death, but he was sick almost our whole marriage). Afterward I had dinner with a bunch of the female dance people and it was fun. The dance people really wanted me to dance tonight and so I decided to give it a go. This morning I got a call and picked up David's death certificate. That was harder than I expected. I went to the dance studio and I struggled to stay there. People who know me understand how much dance has meant to me before I met David. I found out last week they were going to close the studio in May so there are only a few more weeks to dance there. I went, but I was a total mess. Between people telling me how sorry they were that David didn't make it and people being sad the studio was closing I couldn't stand being there. It was a complete bummer. I felt bad leaving early, but I couldn't stay. I guess I just wasn't ready. Every night I pray that God will give me direction and help me to use what has happened to David and I to his glory. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss David and how I struggle to not be angry with God.