David Gabbard's Journal
Written May 11, 2013 8:42pmThis time last year I was trying to get myself to go to sleep because I was so excited I would be a bride the next day and marry the man who I had grown to love so intensely. I was looking forward to a life full of holidays, laughs and adventures with him. Tonight I am feeling physically ill. I think all the stress has caught up to me and I have been sitting on the couch in a blanket almost all day. I have mixed emotions about tomorrow. On one hand I have two beautiful adult children to enjoy Mother's Day for, but I am grieving for my anniversary with David. It is hard to know I won't even get one year as his wife. No anniversary dinner or flowers. No sweet kisses or holding hands. Yes I still miss him greatly, but I know I must go on. I have to live and love again because I know that is what David wants for me. It doesn't make tomorrow any easier though.
Written May 3, 2013 11:07pmIt is quickly approaching 2:24 am, which will mark one month without my best friend and husband. I still miss him everyday, but I know God called him home and he is happy and healthy. Grief is such a hard thing. One minute I can feel ok and even be laughing and another something can make me cry. Every time something new happens I instinctively want to call David and tell him. Every night when I say my prayers I thank God for my time with him, but earnestly tell The Lord I didn't want him to go. I hear his catch phrases everywhere and sometimes they make me smile. No worries was one of his favorites. I miss our nightly hand holding and prayers most of all. Sometimes I can't believe I knew him less than two years, because I miss him so much. I guess I can be thankful that at least for a time I had the most wonderful husband and friend. Some people never get to experience that. I will continue to try to heal as the days and weeks pass, but it is only 8 days until my first anniversary and I won't have a husband to celebrate it with.
Thankful for people who reach out
Written Apr 29, 2013 12:32amI just want to say thank you to those of you who have reached out to me since David's death. This has been an incredibly hard experience and continues to hurt more than I care to say. I wish there would have been more willing to reach out and say they care, but I want to thank those who have made the effort. It doesn't matter what you say, it matters to me that you care and that you let me know you are there. There is nothing that you can say that will fix my hurt or pain, but just knowing that you care about me goes a long way towards my healing. Those that take the time to read my blog and just check the like button sometimes makes my day. You don't have to fix me or say the perfect thing to make an impact. Just care, love and pray for me that is what I need right now. You may not have to see me or talk to me. All I might need at the moment is a click of the like button. I am not saying that I don't sometimes like a text or a card in the mail, because that would not be true, but it is the little things that keep me going and let me know that you care.