David Gabbard's Journal
Written Nov 4, 2013 11:53pmIt's been 7 months since David's passing and somedays are harder than others. The last two years have been extremely difficult and I sometimes don't understand why God allowed me to go through so much suffering and sadness. I won't pretend that my life is great and I have a lot of passion and joy right now, but God has been working on me intensely recently and I pray good things are coming my way. Even though my path has been very difficult God has blessed me with some great prayer warriors who have prayed and carried me through some very dark hours. I know many don't tell me they are praying but I know they are. Some may think this experience would destroy my faith, but honestly I feel it is increasing it. I feel in my spirit God is going to use what I have been through to strengthen and use me. I just have to stop letting fear and depression hold me back. Please keep praying for me. Brighter days are ahead. I do believe that.
1 year since cancer changed my life
Written Jul 25, 2013 11:39pmJuly 26, 2012 was a very difficult day. David was scheduled to remove what was thought to be a bronchial cleft cyst on the right side of his neck. The ENT did not even want to remove it, because he thought it was benign and could cause nerve damage. I could see the fear in David's face when the ENT said it could make him have difficulty smiling. He was also told if he had cancer he would have already been dead since he had the mass since October 2009. I remember being adamant the mass be removed from his neck. I just didn't feel it belonged there. So on July 26th David had the surgery. The ENT came out and took Mrs. Gabbard and I in a room and was telling is how well the surgery went, but I could tell by his body language something wasn't right. So I asked the hard question. "What did the pathologist think at first glance." That is when he told us that David had cancer. He said he couldn't explain it and based on the type of cancer David should not have survived that long. That was the first day I thought I could be losing my husband. The man I loved was very ill and I would stand beside him and help him fight all the way. He fought a good fight. Did not lose his faith and he made me so proud to be his wife. I miss him and I catch myself talking to him and still calling us we from time to time. I am starting to adjust to being a widow. I would be lying if I said it was easy, but I am doing it one day at a time.
Written May 12, 2013 12:11pmI am actually doing better today then I thought I would be. Maybe it's the beautiful sunshine outside. I am blessed to have two beautiful, healthy kids. They have shone what wonderful adults they have become over the last few months. I am trying to remember the wonderful day I had last year on May 12. I wore a beautiful dress, had a great youth group cheering us on and a handsome, wonderful man waiting for me at the end of the aisle. I guess at least I know he really loved me as much as I loved him. When I danced with him that day it made me so very happy and to have my children there was a huge blessing. I will never forget what a wonderful man God sent to me and I know that David wants me to be happy so that is what I am going to try very hard to do starting now. I am sure there will be hard lonely days ahead, but I am ready for some good ones again too.