I had a little turn of events last night. I spiked a fever 101.1, called the fourth floor and needless to say, was asked to come in for testing and evaluation.
They did all the testing as they have in the past. Nothing may turn up, but I know I don't feel well. My white cell count is still going down so I have nothing to fight my 'pains'. My mouth still hurts, especially around my tongue so I don't eat much nor do I talk. Dale knows I am not feeling well when I don't talk and do not want to accept phone calls from the kids.
My bone pain has started, too. Last night I took an anti-anxiety pill, morphine and two tylenol (nurses supervision). I went to sleep so quickly I don't know if they all alleviated the pains and discomforts.
While driving to Huntsman last night I didn't feel despondent or frustrated or overly emotional. I am realizing after each cycle I go just a little lower in all my body responses. Lower and it takes longer to come out of my nadir period. I guess this is just a fact and I can't fight it or help it. If anything, I thought if I spiral lower after each cycle, what will cycle 6 be like and certainly what will the transplant be like?
My mind, my mental state, is just along for the ride as my body dictates my responses and recoveries. I can't even think positive, I just have to be in the moment.
I don't know how long the docs will keep me. I won't have a good idea until the team comes through this a.m.
Pray for Dale. I have had three very quiet days of sleeping or couch blobbing. I am not good company for him. He is getting out to the gym and running errands for us. What a trooper.
I absolutely love all the photos coming in. I trim each one down so I can get as many as I can on a poster board. I think I will have this Sunday be the last date to accept pictures. Once I am back in the hospital for the last cycle and then move on to numerous appointments, time will begin to fill up. I would like to get this project done soon. Each photo has so many memories. Not only will they be my inspiration, I am sure the collages will be conversation pieces in my room.
Thank you for praying for me. I would like to go home today, our little apartment is so therapeutic. A quiet peace and coolness is wall to wall!
I miss my kiddos. You know how when you don't feel well you want to be surrounded by the nearest and dearest? I miss Carrie, Christy, who just started school, and Chad, who also just started school and a new job. I would love to listen to all their stories and just know they are in my room with me.
Isn't it wonderful autumn is around the corner?
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