Happy Fourth of July to all!
I write this note from the office of my in-law's house in Rapid City. It is the first time that we have returned to Rapid since Case's passing in January, and the journey here was filled with a variety of emotions. I can still remember sitting down at this same desk once we FINALLY arrived last Christmas and writing about our chaotic adventure. Adella watched the same Praise Baby video that her and Case watched on our last trip to visit Ryan's parents. This time it was a little different. There were no SAT monitors going off, no feeding tubes beeping or needing to be changed, and no steady hum of the BiPAP as Case slept in the back seat. Firsts like this trip are what bring all of the memories flooding back into my mind.
As we sat in the living room talking to Greg and Marie last night, I could still picture Case's swing going in the corner and all of the toys from Christmas cluttering the house. I could still hear the loud beep of his SAT monitor because the probe was not working correctly. I could see a house filled with love, joy, life, and laughter; and although Case is no longer with us, his spirit and memories will never leave. Now, the house is filled with picture after picture of our beautiful baby boy.
It is great being here because every time that we come here it is our little "get away" vacation; however, this time was definitely a little bitter sweet. This is where Case spent his last "healthy" days. We took him straight here from the hospital, and when we arrived home on Sunday night, headed out to church and by Monday afternoon I had received a call from nurse Bonnie and Spencer telling me that something "just wasn't right."
That Monday was when the anger kicked in. We made the NIV (non-invasive ventilation) decision to enhance his quality of life. I got the call from the nurse and was so angry. After all, being in the hospital 50 some out of 90 days is not what I would consider a "good quality" of life. Therefore, I made the decision to simply take him to the ER rather then get him directly admitted into the hospital. Well, I was in a bout of denial myself, because Case needed to be admitted. Little did we know that this admission would be his last. Both Ryan and I got the sense that something was terribly wrong but had no clue the ride that we were going to be taken on the next 9 days.
To all my friends, family, and CaringBridge readers out there: Thank you! Thanks for taking the time to listen, read, and pray for our family. Our journey in the past year has been an amazing roller coaster ride. Without you all, I truly do not know where we would be. One thing we have learned: God is amazing, He is always here, and like it or not He gives and takes away. What a blessing him "GIVING" us Case for 10 months and 10 days was.
HAVE A BLESSED Independence Day!!!!
