Tuesday, April 15, 2014
I’ve tried to write a post many times over the past year, without success. The thought of sitting down and writing my thoughts about Claire and her life were too overwhelming. Now, on the first anniversary of her becoming our Angel, I know the time is right. This past year without Claire has been like none other. Truly, truly, no parent should ever lose a child. It just shouldn’t happen. The gut wrenching and heart breaking pain is sometimes almost too much to bear, and yet others have gone through it, and sadly more will experience this type of tragic loss. The year has been one of loss, change, pain, smiles, hugs and faith. The loss has been great, the change substantial, the pain deep, the smiles sunshine, the hugs uplifting and the faith sustaining and solid. My mantra of Moving Forward with Faith has been tested and tried many, many times. Some days it’s been easy to stand and walk forward, others just to stand has felt insurmountable, and others still just leaning forward with intent has been enough, but without the act of looking forward with faith, I don’t know how one would get through. I know that Claire is in a wonderful place, free from pain, released from the confines of her body. She is free, she is happy and she is with us always. She shows herself in small yet meaningful ways, just seen and felt by those who need her most. The boys have had their experiences, sweet and tender. I have had my tender mercies that show she’s a part of me, and Mike too has felt her loving arms. She was a gift, cherished and treasured, that we were so lucky to be entrusted to care for her for 8 years. She has shaped and molded us into the people we are today. I am so proud of the boys, the young men that they are becoming, the tenderness and love that they feel towards others. They have gone through a very tough thing, but Braeden and Sam are resilient and strong, and they will grow to be wonderful men.
I can’t thank friends and family enough. The texts, phone calls, letters that have been received have provided such comfort in knowing that Claire hasn’t been forgotten. I’ve missed her medical family……and sadly I have to admit I haven’t had the courage to visit the hospital and clinic to let them know how much we love them, how much a part of our lives they became, and this incredible common goal we all had in giving Claire the best care she could possibly experience. She could not have been more loved by her doctors and nurses.
I’ve taken to sleep every night wrapped tightly in one of her cozies (larger versions of her smaller minkies), I have taken them on trips and one is usually close by me. I know when I wrap it around me, that Claire is loving me too. It’s her way of giving me a hug and being right by my side. The boys have their minkies too.
Re-entry into the world has been more of a challenge than Iwould have thought, it’s slowly coming along. I do love having opportunities to help others, I feel there is an infinite well of service that needs to repayed. We were the recipients of such love and service for so long, it’s a blessing and a treasure to help someone else in need. It completes the circle and allows us to be of support to one another. I know that we are not here on this earth to go through experiences alone. People are brought into our lives to help and uplift us, and we have our opportunity to do the same for others.
I want my Heavenly Father to know that it was an honor and a treasure to care for Claire. To have her for almost 8 years was an experience never to be repeated and one that is beloved and cherished. We have lost some of Claire’s dear friends in the last several months, and it brings me peace knowing that they are all together, Claire, Dick and Paul, watching down on their respective families and listening to Claire boss them around!
This particular chapter is closed, always to be part of ourlives, but our blessing and challenge is to now move forward. Forever remembering Claire and what she has taught us, but to move forward. She always said “No Sad. Be Happy”, and I know we are trying our best to follow the flaming red-headed Princess Diva.
Knuckles, kisses and hugs......We love you Claire.
Humbly with love and peace,