It doesn't seem possible that you have been gone for 5, almost 6 months. Llife just sucks without you. Samantha has done her best to tear this family apart, but that's what you get with a rapid cycling bi-polar with a borderline Personality Disorder. You knew what she was about. Aren't you glad you saw through her and never dated her? You made the better decision with Lainie. I wish I could blow Sam off like you did and focus on what's important, but I am not as good a person as you were, never was. You didn't get your ability to love others and look past theirr faults from me. That came from your dad. You made it despite my poor parenting and I only have God to thank for that.

I will not say any more about Queen Satan here, because this is not about her, it's about you. She can take Alec away from me (and she will), but she can'r take you away from me, ever! She only wishes she had a heart, so she could know what it is like to truly be loved by someone and to give it back just as freely.

I can't stop thinking about those lyrics of that song by Blink 182, "Not Now". I think they fit what you were going through and it was so prophetic that you loed that song. It was almost as if you knew in 2004, how it was all going to end. You were the best part of me and now you are gone. I only long for the power of love that drove those last months, last day, last hours, last minutes with you. that was REAL. Noone can take that away from me.