Today is Chaaya’s 19th birthday. Six of those years have been without her on this earth. As I started to write this, I typed in her name and it wasn’t recognizing her. I was a little confused as I think I write her name a lot, or at least I think about her all the time. So, I backspaced to see what the other options were and the screen said “no replacements found.” That’s exactly how I feel!

There’s nothing that will ever replace Chaaya and our memories of her, but it’s becoming harder and harder to remember how she sounded. I miss her laughter, her smile and the light she brought to our family. She is always on my mind when I wake up in the morning until I go to bed. Nothing can ever replace this feeling of emptiness and never being whole because she left a huge hole in our hearts.

Both Malini and Rayan will be graduating from college and high school, respectively, this year. Today will be somewhat different for everyone as we all will be going in different directions. Malini is at college, Rayan is busy with school, work and band. Ajit and I are working and then, we’ll be volunteering with the band later in the evening. I’m just trying to keep myself busy because I don’t want to dwell on what should’ve been. I’m trying to be in the moment with my kids and that time is already going by too quickly.

One thing is for sure: we will be eating our dessert before dinner! We hope you’ll do the same in Chaaya’s honor and wear her favorite color green! Happy birthday to our sweet and sassy Chaaya doll. We are missing you like crazy. Love you to the moon and back and to infinity.

With love,

Hema