Our son, Carter Wax, was diagnosed with stage IV, high-risk, Neuroblastoma in Feb. 2008. Nine months of aggressive treatment followed before he was diagnosed as terminally ill. At that time we brought him home to live & experience the remainder of his short life surrounded by love. Our son died on Jan. 5, 2009, while sleeping between us. Carter was 21 months old.
Donations are always welcome to offset the medical costs incurred from Carter's treatment. You can make financial contributions to:
The Cancer Fund for Carter Wax at any branch of US Bank
Five years ago today we lost our son. Oddly enough today crept up on us. Usually we are filled with dread while we wait for this day to occur. This year however, we were very busy with a trip to California, Christmas (the girls opened presents at five different celebrations- oy vey!), and Lily has been very sick with what seems to be the flu, so we have been busy taking care of her. In some small way, it's nice to distract ourselves with taking care of her. It prevents both Maudy and I, from delving too far into memories of the day Carter died.
And speaking of the girls, Makena is now in 2nd grade. She is doing very well. She loves reading and science. She also loves to take on big art and science projects at home. We only wish she had the same enthusiasm about cleaning up after herself, as she does about starting a new grandiose project. Lately, she has talked a lot about Carter. While she has trouble remembering much about him, she likes to hear stories of their time together. It seems that she has a greater, deeper understanding that her only brother has passed away. In a remarkably touching moment she told Maudy her only wish for Santa was to bring Carter back. Talk about heartwrenching. After a conversation which included hugs and tears Maudy explained that Santa's magic has limitations. Eventually Makena settled on wishing for a huge stuffed panda bear which Santa happily delivered.
Lily is almost four. It hurt a little just to type those words. It's hard to see your last baby getting older . . . and bigger. She's growing like a weed and is only 10 lbs lighter than her 8 year old sissy. -- Maudy wants me to add that this isn't a fair comparison since Makena is a beanpole. -- Lily also has an amazing sense of humor. I'm not sure there is a day that goes by where we don't find ourselves laughing at something she did or said. She has a way of filling a room with her laughter, silliness, and crazy curls. She talks about Carter too but not in the same way as Makena. She seems to understand that he was here before her and that he died. But there isn't that same level of consciousness that Makena seems to display. That said, Lily knows who her brother was and can recognize him in a photo. On some small level it makes us proud that he is not forgotten. And never will be.
As this day comes to an end there is a relief that we survived another Mournaversary. We kept a candle lit all day, ate some of Carter's favorite foods (bacon and fries), tended to a sick Lily, and we released balloons with special drawings/messages. Most importantly we spent the day together as a family remembering our one missing piece. Sometimes we feel like we should be doing more to honor him. Somedays, however, it feels like we are honoring him by allowing ourselves (and our girls) to smile, laugh, and enjoy our lives while keeping him in our hearts. We hope everyone else is doing the same.