There have been so many times that I've wanted to update, but I can't seem to find the words to update-I will just write from the heart as I've done so many times in the past.
My world collapsed on September 29, 2008. I can't find the good in life, I can't find the peace, or love. I am going to counseling to find out who I am outside of Camden. It's hard to explain how you live and breathe someone for so long and then they are gone-it's not a parent or sibling...it's your own flesh and blood that you've invested all your will and everything you are into. To have the blessing of the experience and the curse, it's left an unconditional impression on me for the rest of my life that can't be explained in enough detail to really get the point across. So I'll leave it as this-each day is a challenge, to find the will-power enough to get up everyday is exhausting-to know that you struggle to reconnect with your only living child who loves you unconditionally is overwhelming, the fact that all you have is a cemetary to visit everyday because that's the last place you saw your baby is relentless, and finally you urn for the ability to go back to Tennessee because it's the last place you really got to see Camden happy; yet it scares you to death to go alone-it's unimaginable.
I write to you today because so many have asked for one more journal entry and here it is. I admire that so many still want to know our lives outside of Camden. I again encourage you to look to the right-side of the screen and see my personal email address that you may write anytime.
You ask how's Jaden-well I think he's doing remarkable considering. This past weekend was hard-lots of crying and misunderstanding. He told me that he's anxious to be with Camden in heaven. We talk and he's also attending therapy with me. His grades are great and I couldn't ask anymore of him then what he's doing day to day to deal with his loses as well.
Myself-well we did a walk in November for the Thanks and Giving walk, we are planning a walk in May'09 for Relay for Life-we are in the process of building a team so please contact me if your interested. Feb 15th I am holding a meeting regarding sign up for a sorority chapter that I'm starting-its more of a foundation for Camden but this is established so we went with this-its for sorority epsilon sigma alpha-esaintl.com- and again if your interested please contact me, last but not least I've started writing a book-it's going to be called "Camden's Crusade" and it's going to be about Camden from the moment he was born up until Sept. 29, 2008.
Again this will be my last journal entry, I find it hard to come to this site-I encourage you to look for Camden's book from time to time and get involved in the many things that will be happening in this area in honor of St Jude/Camden. If you feel like you don't know what to do, or have felt this way in the past 2 years Camden was here then I encourage you to get involved with the many things that I'm going to be conducting in his honor.
Thank you all for your loving support and encouragement, thank you for continuing to pray and inquire about our family. God Bless-
Jenny and Jaden