HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!!!!
TODAY IS THE DAY WE THANK GOD FOR OUR FOUNDING FOREFATHERS AND OUR SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN FOR OUR INDEPENDENCE & FREEDOM TO LIVE IN A COUNTRY THAT WE CAN WORSHIP GOD FREELY!! BRYCE ALWAYS LOVED THE 4TH SO THAT HE COULD ENJOY THE FIREWORKS!! THE PICTURE ON THE PAGE IS BRYCE'S LAST 4TH WITH US ON EARTH. AUNT BRIDGET, UNCLE STEPHEN, AUNT LINDSEY AND BRYCE WENT TO RIDE THE RIVER BOAT IN MEMPHIS WHILE DEAN AND I PREPARED SHIS-KA-BOBS (?) AND DIPS FOR NURSE JULIE'S HOUSE FOR OUR 4TH CELEBRATION! I CAN REMEMBER THINGS SO VIVIDLY OF OUR TIME AT ST. JUDE, MOST OF THE MEMORIES THAT FLOOD MY HEART AND MIND ARE OF THOSE TIMES. I CAN LOOK AT OTHER PICTURES AND REMEMBER WHAT WAS HAPPENING AT THAT TIME AND THE MEMORY FOR THAT MOMENT BUT THE ONES THAT STAY WITH ME CONSTANTLY ARE THOSE WHEN WE WERE AT ST.JUDE. I MISS BEING THERE WITH BRYCE AND OUR FRIENDS. I FEEL SO LONELY AT HOME, EVEN THOUGH WHAT WE WERE GOING THROUGH AT THAT TIME WAS HARD, I HAVE SOME OF THE BEST MEMORIES & FRIENDS OF MY LIFE!!! THOSE FRIENDS MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND TO BRYCE AS WELL. HE WOULD BE TORN WHEN WE WOULD GET TO COME HOME FOR VISITS AND HE WOULD SAY, "WHEN I'M AT ST. JUDE I MISS MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS BACK HOME AND WHEN I'M HOME I MISS MY FAMILY AT ST. JUDE!" YES, THEY WERE LIKE OUR FAMILY. THIS PAST WEEK HAS BEEN EXTREMELY HARD, MAYBE BECAUSE THE 4TH WAS APPROACHING AND WE ARE GOING ON VACATION MONDAY, I'M NOT SURE BUT I KNOW I HAVE STRUGGLED. I KNOW BRYCE IS IN THE BEST PLACE POSSIBLE AND HE DOESN'T THINK OF, I DON'T GET TO DO THIS OR THAT, I WISH I COULD DO THIS OR THAT, IT IS ME, SELFISH OLD ME. I WANT HIM, I MISS HIM, I WISH I COULD SEE HIM ENJOY THINGS LIKE THE OTHERS AND DEEP DOWN I KNOW HE IS NOT FEELING THE SAME OR THINKING THE SAME WAY, IT IS JUST MY EARTHLY HEART THAT YEARNS SO DEEP TO HOLD, HEAR, LOVE AND SMOOCH HIM!! I DO NOT THINK I WILL EVER EXCEPT THIS LOSS AND MAYBE THAT IS GOD'S WAY OF GIVING ME STRENGTH AND SANITY. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT IT IS I JUST KNOW IT IS ONE BREATHE AT A TIME!
PLEASE BE IN PRAYER FOR CARSON HIGGINS AND HIS FAMILY, THEY MAY BE FACING RELAPSE AND I KNOW THEIR FAMILY HAS A STRONG RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD BUT I ALSO KNOW HOW THAT NO MATTER HOW STRONG YOUR FAITH IS WHEN YOU ARE FACED WITH THE POSSIBILITY OF LOSING YOUR CHILD THERE ARE QUESTIONS AND YES THERE IS ANGER AT TIMES OF WHY, HOW CAN THIS BE? THANKFULLY WE SERVE A FORGIVING, LOVING GOD THAT FORGIVES US WHEN WE FEEL THESE THINGS AND LOVES US NO MATTER WHAT. HE KNOWS WHAT IS BEST FOR HIS CHILDREN EVEN THOUGH WE DO NOT ALWAYS SEE THE FULL PICTURE. KIND OF LIKE WHEN YOU TELL YOUR CHILDREN AND YOU SAY "YOU WILL THANK ME FOR THIS SOMEDAY", WELL I AM SURE GOD IS TELLING US THE SAME! THESE CHILDREN TEACH US SO MUCH AND I BELEIVE THAT IS WHY GOD HAND PICKS THEM, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BEST, OR SHOULD I SAY, "THE CREAM OF THE CROP"!! ALSO BE IN PRAYERS FOR CHRISTIAN NESSMITH AND HER FAMILY AS SHE IS HOME TO SPEND WHAT EVER TIME GOD HAS PLANNED FOR HER WITHOUT TREATMENT AND ENJOYING HER FAMILY & FRIENDS!! PLEASE CONTINUE THE PRAYERS FOR OUR FAMILY AND MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL AND KEEP YOU SAFE OVER THE HOLIDAY!!!
www.caringbridge.org/visit/carsonhiggins
www.caringbridge.org/visit/christiannessmith
www.caringbridge.org/visit/westindeitz
4/EVER AN ANGEL/HERO'S MOM
p.s I hope you and Sambug enjoy the fireworks this evening, hold him close and give him ><butterfly kisses from Peachie, you can tell him your story of how his mom got that name from you. I luv u, wuv u to heaven & back!!!
~love, your hunnybunny
