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Prayer Request for Brooke

Brooke is headed to the ER - now.

As I gave my baby boy his bedtime bath, I noticed he is growing more curiously fixated on the works around him as he becomes more keen to his surroundings.  His fixation tonight was on the water itself.  It was pure fascination with intensity not just on his face but whole body movements.  He would grasp the water I poured then open his hand looking for what would not be found.  To his delight, the water eluded him instead tickling the surface tension below with ripples and giggles.  

I can relate to the perplexed feeling of grasping for something I can clearly see before my eyes but that has not been reached of achieved in my daughter - her cure from cancer. 

Sometimes I find extra peace God sends me directly through the love in the prettiest windows to her soul -- her deep set green hazel eyes framed in thick lashes and pretty freckles of youth.  But today when I looked into those eyes I found great sadness and pain which is beyond horrible to see.  

Brooke was not in an immense amount of pain, but her body was achy here and there with an overall feeling of general tiredness and soreness.  

The chemo has begun to set in.  

Sometimes this happens, sometimes not; Sometimes nausea, sometimes not; Sometimes exhaustion, sometimes not.  Brooke's tired body has been through hell and back and still she springs right back into herself which we attribute directly to the power of prayer in her life from thousands of people who continue to care and show love for our little girl so full of life who wants and loves to live and spread joy.  

On Friday, Brooke got all of her chemos and meds.  By Monday, she got the next chemo push of Velcade at clinic along with a hefty blood transfusion.  We learned her immunity was next to nothing but her platelets were holding steady at 30 by God's Grace. That morning her lower right eyelid was bothering her (she said she had to remove a bit of sleep from her eye that morning) and she must have scratched her eye in the process.  It bothered her in clinic on Monday and yesterday she said it felt fine although it still looked a bit irritated. 

Then this morning it bothered her a little more but didn't look too terribly puffy... although her whole face seemed a bit puffy and tired looking. By the mid afternoon, she only wanted to lie on the couch and watch movies with general feelings of aches and pains intermittent all over her body.  

It breaks my heart every single tear she ever cries.  The helplessness of not being able to make it to away is much like water I cannot catch in my hand that beautifully slips by with mirrored reflections of the journey by gravity as it flows downward.  

I know Neuroblastoma can manifest in the eyes.  Particularly around the orbits.  Causing red, bruised or swollen eyes and lids.  I pray for God's mercy on Brooke to not have a tumor forming in her eye and that it is only a case of cellulitis or a bacterial infection that the medical team in the ER and on the admiring floor can help with through powerful IV antibiotics.  It's a heck of a thing to hope for as the bacteria it not quickly addressed by the right drugs could take her eye as her counts are further declining each day right now. 

After work today, Beau had been out helping a dear friend build the barn he and his family may live in before they can build their new home on the land, and I had no choice but to call him to come home to help get Brooke to the ER so that baby Benjamin would be able to stay home and go to sleep in his crib at home instead of the emergency room. My poor daughter has no choice.  This is where she will spend the night.  Even if they found nothing and just gave her a dose of antibiotic, we know her body is most likely in need of platelets and the ER does not do then so she may need to be admitted even just for that.  

But God is bigger....

We pray tonight this is simply an infection and not an aggressive one so that Brooke can be treated immediately with antibiotics and feel better.  We pray it is not cancer and believe that her lasts urine results warrant that she is stable or better.  We pray this is also going to be a safe, comfortable night for her and that she will be in good care during her time there.  All day Monday, all night tonight, all day tomorrow, and at least part of the day Friday - these are her hospital commitments for the week already and at home she has been working on her first grade testing in home school.  

So much time lost this week... lost Ike like flowing water through my open hand and grasping fist; no matter how I try to hold fast to it, it slips ever away.

We are always bringing onward hope to time with God when he leads us home and not a moment sooner or later than his purposefully meticulous master plan says so.... thank you for praying for no more suffering for Brooke tonight, a short time in the ER and a good night'a sleep.  I cried watching her be driven away with my husband and mom.  Benjamin pumped his little stubby arm up and down in the air at the edge of the sidewalk as we watched them go bye bye and twice he said "NI-NI... NI-NI... Ba" which I believe meant Nite-Nite... for Brooke.  

Like running water slipping through my hands, I watched them go.  Brooke was upset I couldn't go with her. I am so grateful Beau made it home in time to take her and that my mother is able to be there with them now as well to comfort and help them as needed in the ER then bring the truck home.  My mom is so loving. The Lord most certainly comforts and loves and carries us when we let Him; I could never have the strength to carry these burdens on my own.  I love my little girl so much at times it is hard to imagine how He could love her more - - but He does.

I am thankful she was able to go on Saturday to Emma's dance birthday party so I can think of her smiling and dancing and singing in the dance studio mirror and not lying in the ER miserable and broken by cancer's grip with big tears in those pretty green hazel eyes that don't deserve cancer or the pain it causes but that grow stronger every day with a strong will and delicate grace that surpasses most people I know.  Brooke is not just special because she is my daughter.  She is special because she is beating cancer by not letting it take her thrive from her life.  She is a walking talking miracle and bundle of joy that loves God so much she won't even eat a cupcake at a birthday party without on her own thanking God for it no matter how badly she wants to gobble it up.  She is a child of God close to God and full of love and compassion which is no doubt a reflection of that which has been shown to her.

Thank you tonight... and always... for your love prayers.   If you have children in your home, go tuck them in twice tonight for no reason other than you love them and you are happy to have them home. I wish desperately I could, but can't and pray I can again soon. 

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Comments

39 Replies

Thandi Nkomo
By ThandiRose in Cape Town, RSA
Praying for infection, anything else rather than neuro behind those pretty eyes of hers. ((hugs))

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/myniece2/
Beth Wilkins
By
Sending you love and prayers for all of you! God's healing hand on Brooke!!
wanda hibbetts
By Wanda Hibbetts
Praying for dear Brooke's comfort tonight. I'm so happy to hear your mom was there to help and be with Brooke and Beau. Praying for you, Jessica, as you stay home with Benjamin that you may get a peaceful sleep. Thank you for sharing your faith and strength.
Love, prayers, and hugs,
heart
1 person hearted this
Alisha Rushing
By Alisha Rushing
Praying for all of you!
janet sutter
By janet sutter
Prayers fill my heart for Brooke and for the rest of the family. I cannot believe the strength that this child has, the smile she always seems to have on her face spills over to each of us seeing it online. I am so blessed by this beautiful child who shows me over and over how to be strong and to believe in something with all our hearts.She ministers to those she sees in person and those who only know her by that beautiful face on our screen. I believe she is an angel on this earth. I cannot say that I have ever seen anyone with the strength and compassion that she has. Inch per inch, she is the strongest person I know because she refuses to give satan even a little place in her beautiful heart and her soul sings to all of us who are blessed to be even a small part of our lives. Praying for all of you and especially for Brooke. She is loved by so many and is blessed as well. May God hold all of you close so that you will be together again soon, all in one place, in your own home.
Becky Davis
By Becky Davis
Jessica, I cry too at the thought of Brooke being in pain. I also marvel at her steadfast faith and optimism. As always, Brooke is in my daily prayers as well as you and your family. <3
Lynn Dodge
By Lynn Dodge
I am praying for you. I cannot imagine how tired you must be--and how much your heart hearts. There are so many people who have been inspired by your strength and love.
Ann Jerome
By Ann Jerome
I'm praying for Brooke to continue to have strength and courage in her battle. She truly is a warrior spirit and you are an amazing mother and family. Love and hugs to you all.
Sandy Daron
By Sandy Daron
Jessica,

I am heartbroken by your post! I pray the news is very promising and that Brooke will not be inpatient long. I pray it is NOT NB or cellulitis. My hubby had that and it is NO fun! I pray your beauty improves swiftly and that sadness in her eyes will turn to dancing and brightness!!

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love ya!!
C.O.L.E.'s Foundation
(Caring Openly, Loving Eternally)
www.colesfoundation.org
http://www.colespages.org
Email: sandy@colesfoundation.com
Mary Angel
By Mary Angel
Dear Jessica,
I have just read your post. I wish I had gotten it before I went to bed last night. It seems that some e-mails take hours to arrive in my inbox. I am now saying a prayer that Brooke is home and is feeling much better. If she was admit to the hospital, then may the meds that they may be giving her, knock out any nasty bug, bacteria, etc. and she will be back home very soon.
Praying for you all to be comforted by his love in Jesus name. Amen.