I woke up this morning and I really just didn't feel like getting up today. As I was lying there, I soon realized it was the exact time that my precious Brooke slowly slipped into Heaven 18 months ago. I can't believe it has been a year and a half already, and then again it feels like it has been so long since I held her. It is strange how time just continues. I wish I could have stopped time a month before we found out the devastating news. When she was so happy running around the beach in San Diego our home town. I know she was so happy.

I do know she is okay, that it is me who isn't. I find that some days I can laugh and feel somewhat normal. I can go to school and enjoy it most times. At home can be very difficult much of the time though and especially the drive to and from St. Louis.

We have been very busy. Not only do I go to St. Louis 3 times a week and then south to Cape Girardeau 2 times after that, but we have moved again! I hate moving!! It is horrible. The girls and I worked so hard and I think we are still recovering from it, emotionally and physically. It was very hard for us to move again without Brooke being part of it. We have been here for a little over a week now. Our new address is 4 Circle Drive, Perryville, MO 63775. We moved back into town closer to everything and the school. It is much easier for the girls. We don't have to drive 10 miles to go everywhere. Although, it's not like our town is big or anything. It is a small town. We still go to Cape or St. Louis for some things. I wish the girls would have wanted to move closer to St. Louis where I go to school, but I understand how difficult that would be still right now.

Seeing all of Brooke's things made me so sad and some made me smile or laugh. Pictures did the same thing. I realized much of her stuff I just put right away in boxes when we moved the last time about 14 months ago. I did give some of it to other little girls but kept a lot. I think I am still going to just keep everything right now. I found it very difficult when I tried to go through some of the boxes of her things.

People weren't kidding when they said that going to school for nursing is one of the hardest things they did. Like they tell us all the time a bachelor's degree in nursing is much different that a bachelor's degree is something else! That is the truth. You have to earn an A or B for every class to continue and there is a lot of work, hundreds of pages to read every week, labs, exams and so much! I am still hanging in there. My Brooke is never far from my thoughts. I do it for myself and all THREE of my girls. I know it will payoff. I will be done in about a year and a half. Wow, strange to say that when it has been exactly a year and a half since my baby left us.

The girls are doing okay I guess. They have other things that have been hard for them as well. Right now they are feeling okay and going to school. School gets out near the end of May. Then, they have a dance recital at SEMO University in Cape. I do enjoy watching them in the show. This is Brianna's third time and she is so happy doing it. Brittany skipped last year and this is her second time. She and Brianna are both in hip hop and Brianna is also in jazz.

I guess I'll go for now.

I will try to write more often. I was just having a hard time and busy and missing my baby so much.

Thank you again to those of you who still check on us. I do read it and check in quite often to read the guestbook.

This whole cancer thing is so frustrating and sad. I wish you all well.

Love, Gina (mama's baby)

I love you Brooke and miss you so much my angel in Heaven.