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My Story

Ashlynn Elizabeth Hamm was born November 12, 2008 at 11:10pm. She was born premature at 23 weeks and 3 days. Ashlynn weighed 1 pound 5 ounces at birth and was 11.25 inches long. Click on Read Story below if you want my birth story and more information about me.



The pregnancy was high risk from the begining due to a blood clot in my uterus and a shortened cervix. I was put on bed rest the begining of September at 13 weeks. At 22 weeks, Monday November 3, my water broke and I was put in Spectrum Hospital. Labor had stopped that night and I was able to hold off going into labor for another week. On Wednesday November 12, I started getting a fever and doctor's knew I had gotten an infection. They had no choice but to deliver our daughter. I was induced around 8:30am on November 12th and slowly dialated throughout the day. Finally at 11:10pm after only a couple pushes, Ashlynn Elizabeth was delivered. Ryan and I couldn't believe how small our precious baby girl was. She was immediatly handed off to the neonatal doctor's and nurses. They got Ashlynn stabilized as Ryan took pictures of her and then they held her up to me to see one last time. Dr. Elderkin couldn't get my placenta out, so they took me to surgery for a D&C (had this done when I miscarried our first child). I ended up having emergency surgery because the uterus was so badly infected. Things took a turn for the worst in the surgery room, I lost all my blood 3 times, needing 38 units of blood (our body holds 7) and they ended up taking my uterus and cervix to save my life. Surgery lasted almost 6 hours and there were 50 people in the surgery room. I was in the ICU for three days and didn't even know that Ashlynn was still alive when I woke up.  It was a miracle that Ashlynn and I survived that night and day.

So here we are now. Ashlynn's in the NICU, putting up quite the fight and I'm working 40 hours a week, while trying to spend as much time by her bedside as I can. Ashlynn opened her eyes for the first time on Saturday, November 22. She loves hearing her mommy and daddy talk to her and tries opening her eyes whenever she hears us talking. We have both held Ashlynn and done her care.

The nurses call Ashlynn fiesty because she wiggles out of her diaper, moves her arms and legs constantly, and pees out of her diaper. Ashlynn hates getting her care done. She loves being on her tummy, with her arms and legs confined, and when nurse Emily puts ribbons around her head.

Now that she's a big girl and 4 months old (gestationally just born), her likes and dislikes have changed a little. Instead of wiggling out of her diaper, Ashlynn now scoots down the bed. She loves getting her care done and loves getting talked to. Ashlynn's so interested in everything going on and hates falling asleep sometimes. More than anything, she loves looking at her toys and seeing herself in the mirror ... she's just so cute!! She loves when nurse Abbie reads her book to her and when nurse Emily does excercises with her. Most of the time Ashlynn loves getting her clothes changed, getting a bath, and sucking on her pacifier. Mommy and daddy are still her favorite things to hear. Things that Ashlynn doesn't like are dirty diapers .. she gets an owie butt pretty easily, being woke up when she's really tired, and staying in one position for too long.

 Ashlynn Elizabeth passed away on Tuesday evening, June 2, 2009.  She passed away peacefully in my arms surrounded by her father and close family.  Her passing was very unexpected and something that I never thought would happen.  Although she was very sick I thought she would prove the doctor's wrong like she had so many times before. I knew that day after looking at her that we had no other choice. We called the family to come up to the hospital and spent the day with her.  She was highly sedated, but still tried opening her eyes to look at her daddy and I.  When I looked back into her eyes she did not have that Ashlynn glow like I have seen every day.  I knew that when her heart stopped earlier that morning, it had changed her and she was no longer the Ashlynn that I knew. She was in pain and in her last hours.  We went in a room and everyone held her. When the family left that night, after she had passed away, Ryan and I just held her by ourselves for hours.  I never wanted to let her go because I knew I would never hold her again. I had no choice ... I gave her to her nurses who I knew would tuck her in peacefully. The memories get me through the days and I picture her with that beautiful smile and angel wings. 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of her.  I miss my Ashlynn ... my biggest girl.  I had always said to her in every talk that we had (there were lots) "Your my biggest girl".

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April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

I'm so glad that I kept this page up. Though I don't go on it too much to write updates it is so nice to have for times like this when I do want to and I love reading ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

I'm so glad that I kept this page up. Though I don't go on it too much to write updates it is so nice to have for times like this when I do want to and I love reading ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

3 years... 3 long years since I held Ashlynn in my arms. It is crazy to think that so much time has passed when each memory in my head of her still feels so close. I try ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

It has been so long since I wrote in this journal. The days go by so fast and though I think of Ashlynn every hour of every day it gets so hard to write on here often. ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

Two years have passed since Ashlynn went to Heaven.  I cannot believe that it has already been that long.  Some days still feel like it was yesterday.  I miss her so ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

Thinking of my beautiful girl so much today.  Happy 2nd Birthday Ashlynn!!  I know she is celebrating with her family in Heaven today as we celebrate down here.  I miss ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

I can't believe that I have not been on here in a month!  I often wonder where the time goes.  Life is moving on so fast and at this point I feel like I'm just floating ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

Thinking alot lately and having trouble falling asleep again.  I miss her so much.. my heart still aches for her every day.  I feel like I'm carrying the world on my ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

A few days ago my mom and I were on our way home from my grandma's house and we seen the most beautiful rainbow!  It was 9:30pm and the rain had just started... a little ... Read more

April Hamm posted a new journal entry.

Its hard to believe that Ashlynn's 1 year anniversary has come and gone already.  Life just seems to be going so quickly.  No matter what happens in our lives, another ... Read more

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