Anthony Thompson

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Another one of those days...

May 14, 2013 11:42pm

Happy Mother’s day to all you mothers out there. One of the hardest jobs and we get one day to celebrate, how is that fair?? haha We had a great Mother’s day here at Casa Thompson. I had everyone come over here; my folks, Sheila (Stephen was out of town), my grandmother and brother and Anthony’s sister stopped by for a quick visit as well. We had appetizers, drinks, conversation and just some quality time spent with one another. As much as I loved it and wouldn’t have thought of spending it any other way, I do wish Anthony could have been the one cleaning/picking up the house while I lied in bed and relaxed. I mean do you really think it’s fair that he gets to take off Mothers AND Fathers day? Selfish bastard! (but I’ll keep him still)

After the celebrations were over, I finally got to sit down and relax and get off my feet. I can’t wait till AJ is old enough to understand what that day is really about and he can take care of me for a change. I finished the last little things to clean up (Sheila did most of the work) and then got ready for bed. Before going to bed, I went and crawled in bed with Anthony and just cuddled on him for a bit, but he was asleep almost instantly. I finally just kissed him and then climbed out and let him rest in peace. I climbed into my bed where AJ is back to sleeping and tried to go to sleep, but could not fall asleep. I tossed and turned for a while because I could not breathe; nasal congestion and what not. When I finally went to sleep, I wasn’t sure what time it was, but I woke up several times that night, so what little I did sleep, it wasn’t good sleep.

Monday it was back to our routine. Had to get up and dressed and get AJ up and dressed as well. I dropped him off at school and then went about my day. Running errands, getting Anthony up for the day, picking up the house, doing laundry, working on the pool, oh goodness the list goes on and on. I picked AJ up and then headed home to spend more time with Anthony and our little guy. After we got Anthony into bed for the night and made sure he was settled, AJ and I got in the car and went to a friend’s house for a quick dinner. Dinner was delicious and the company was excellent. After dinner it was time to head home, get AJ ready for bed and then get him settled in my bed. For the last couple of weeks, AJ ha become petrified at bedtime. First is was the idea of being in the dark; this with night lights in his room making it brighter than most rooms during the day, then it was he was scared of being alone, then he was scared of a movie and all the way to him saying, “I don’t know what I’m scared of.” Welcome to my life kid; it sucks to be scared and not be able to pinpoint just one thing that scares you. Anyway last night I slept worse than the night before. This morning when we got up and moving, once I had AJ at school, I called the doctor’s office to make an appointment. They were able to get me in last minute and when I went and the doctor checked me out, the verdict was in. My sinuses are swollen, my right ear has fluid in it, and my right tonsil is “much bigger” than my left one. The doctor prescribed me an antibiotic, a nasal spray and an order to continue my allergy meds and get rest. I came home and settled on the couch next to where Anthony was sitting and watched “The Notebook” that was on TV. I knew I shouldn’t have, because it never ends well for me. Of course, I sobbed and I know Anthony would be rolling his eyes at me, but that’s why he loves me because he knows me so well. I know the movie is meant to do just that...jerk tears right out of you. MIssion accomplished Mr. Sparks...mission accomplished. Made me look at my man and just wonder if our love could have survived all that Allie and Noah endured...I came to the conclusion “Yes! And then some!”

After crying for 10 minutes after the movie ended, I finally pulled it together and got off the couch. I gave my man a kiss and did the things I needed to do. After picking AJ up from school we headed home, but not before we did one of his favorite things after school...get the mail. Everyday, he eagerly hops out of the car and unlocks the mailbox in the hopes that there will be something for him. Today there was! Thank you Kathy and Chris and family, for always thinking of us; and AJ specifically. He saw an envelope with his name on it and he could barely wait to get in the car to open it. It was a graduation card for him with “a whole 5$!” he was pumped and asked me to read it immediately. Kathy and family had sent him a congratulations on his graduation. AJ graduates from pre-K in a couple of weeks and he is SO excited because he knows that means he’ll be heading to the big school starting next year. I want to be scared for him, but it’s hard to be scared when he is looking so forward to it. When we got home, he ran right into Anthony’s room and even though Anthony was having his breathing treatment, he held up the $5 in front of his face and told him what it was for...so cute. AJ then ran to put the money in his piggy bank and opted not to saying, “I’ll just hold onto it, so that if there is anything I want to buy, I can!” (smart kid)

I started dinner, but then had to stop to give Anthony his shower. That’s still my favorite time of day. That hour that I get that is JUST his and my time! As I’m sure you could imagine, intimacy is shot when your husband has a severe TBI, so you learn to take anything and everything that resembles intimacy and for us it’s his showers. I take my time and I know he enjoys it just as much as I do. After getting him in bed, I ran off to finish dinner. AJ and I sat down to eat and then he was allowed his computer time because he ate all his food and I sat down on the couch to watch one of my guilty pleasure dance shows. While I sat on the couch, I realized how lonely a couch can be sometimes. Such a big piece of furniture and one usually only sits in one corner of it. Then it made me think of all the time Anthony and I spent cuddled up on the couch in our apartment. We would watch TV on the couch, we ate dinner sitting on that couch and took naps and hung out on that couch. It was our favorite place in the living room. Nowadays, after Anthony is in bed, AJ is asleep, it’s just me on this giant couch...the loneliest place in the house.

I had an friend contact me tonight and ask me how things were going. We hadn’t spoken in a while and had just gotten back from deployment and wanted to check in. I told him all that was going on with our little family and he asked me what I was doing to take care of myself and when I went to answer, I started listing everything that I do then I realized that I never really do anything for myself, but honestly where does one find time? When you’re in my position, you’re pulled in a million different directions that you have to tend to first and then worry about yourself. I can’t tell you how many time I’ve heard, “If you don’t take care of yourself, how are you going to take care of everyone else?” MUCH easier said than done. My main priority is making sure AJ is healthy and happy, that Anthony is healthy. Everything else is second fiddle...sometimes third. People have asked when I’m going to “move on”, but I don’t even know what that means? I thought I did, but as time goes by and the needs of others change, you slowly lose sight of what it means to move on. I have professional life on hold; gladly, but I have done that. I don’t know when or IF I’ll go back to teaching and to be quite honest, that’s the LAST thing on my list of “things to worry about.”  God knows HE allowed my partner in life to be taken away from me. I don’t know the reason, but I have to trust that it’s a damn good one...it better be! And to me, moving on in the roll of a parent means making sure that AJ never feels that he can’t just be a normal, eveyday kid. I try and make sure that he knows why Daddy is the way he is, why he can’t do, why sometimes I have to tend to Anthony first and then to him. I never tell him he can’t do something and I always try and make our life as a family as “normal” as possible, given the circumstances. All that being said, my fears are that some day he will resent me for the way his life turned out and I don’t know if I can live with that? Oh all the things I worry about on any given day at any given time. The list goes on and on and I don’t know when it will ever end or if it ever will. I don’t know if it’s because I’m not feeling great that it escalates all my other emotions, but I’m going to try and stop being “Debbie Downer”. I’m not going to apologize and i’m not going to say that all is chipper over here in Casa Thompson, but we are all healthy and essentially happy so I guess I can’t complain. In the coming weeks I’m going to try and focus on me and set some goals for myself so that I can try and have a “full life”. In the meantime, please keep your thoughts and prayers coming for Anthony, his continued health and well being, AJ’s health and happiness and my sanity and peace.