So that OTHER anniversary is only like two weeks away now. You know the one, not the one I like - not the stable/surgery anniversary. Yuup, diagnosis day.
On July 7, 2006 a neurosurgeon came in and told me my 11 month old baby had a brain tumor. Nobody (and I took him to a handful of Neurosurgeons for second opinions) recommended surgery yet because of his age. They all said he had a "very benign" tumor (the word benign makes me want to vomit btw & IS NOT accurate. Andrew has a diffuse un-resectable 'mid-grade-ish' tumor - in layman terms) that they said could be completely removed & may never come back after resection. Well as you all know it wasn't completely removed & every specialist under the sun tells me another surgery just isn't in the cards for him, and that ugly thing will wake up & grow again some day.
Oh how naive I was! For a looongg time I believed that someday that damned thing would be completely gone & life would be "back to normal". I think I started catching on sooner than I realized but I had to keep thinking it'd be gone eventually to cope. I will probably never read a radiology report that says "No Evidence of Disease", although I will always hold out hope.
Life changed irreversibly that day, maybe not all in a negative way either. I have a stronger appreciation for life today than I did 3 years ago. I also see more beauty in the world. I care less about the "little things" and my perception of what's really important has changed drastically. And even though Andrew still has a bunch of tumor in his head, I don't care so much anymore because he is happy and healthy.
Oh - that new pic - that's Andrew sporting his punk rock faux hawk before the Relay for Life earlier this month. Heide was kind enough to include him in her Wall of Courage. It is a 'wall' of pics of Pediatric Brain Tumor Kids - both warriors & angels. She makes an Actual wall each year for her local Relay & there is also a virtual wall (video & on facebook). I think she's still working on this years video but the virtual wall is www.wallofcourage.com . Check it out. Oh yeah, while your there check out the National Childhood Brain Tumor Prevention Network Act (she has a link to it there) & write your reps! Cuz you know what would be even better than a cure? If no kids got brain tumors in the first place.
Love,
Jess m/o Andrew - 4 years old; 3 year Brain Tumor Survivor.
