Alan and I really enjoyed meeting with Dr. Gruman...he is incredible! He has a nephew that has a SCI and was injured about a year and a half ago so he really gets it and that felt so reassuring. We were able to talk about so many aspects of Alan's care and that felt really good.
He had a hard time in therapy on Thursday and almost passed out when Ken and Bonita got him up in the standing frame. It was great having Bonita there, who was his therapist in the hospital there because she really knew what was going on. We miss her so much! They are going to try to get him back on the tilt table and see if he can start building up his endurance.
I haven't updated in the past few days because we have really been struggling again and I just haven't had anything positive to say. I've been extremely tired lately but I haven't been able to sleep. Weird and frustrating. I feel like I don't know where I can get any more strength from. We didn't even make it to church yesterday. This is a bad sign. My heart knows that the One who can help, the only One who can give me more strength is Christ and I chose to stay home in my t-shirt and shorts because I didn't have the strength to go out. Pitiful, sinful excuse, but I took it and ran with it.
I think a lot has to do with coming up on the year anniversary of Alan's accident on July 22nd. It's kind of a benchmark of knowing what will come back and what...won't. I'm hoping that is what this is all about and we will get past it because it's just not a good place to be right now.
I feel like I'm dropping the ball everywhere. I tired to make Alan's favorite, fried chicken and failed miserably. I know I'm from Chicago, but I've really tried to master this whole Southern cooking thing, but fried chicken...well, it was...everywhere!!!
Brandon's birthday is Thursday and I haven't even planned anything. Birthdays are always such a big deal to me and I'm completely dropping the ball on this one.
Bonita and were talking about how obedience must come before God's provision and I've been downright mad at Him again and screaming out for answers, all which is completely destructive and hurts my heart more than I can say.
I'm praying that this is just one of those valleys in this journey without a map. I'm praying for strength that I don't have right now and most of all I'm praying that the Holy Spirit will fill my heart so I can live as He wants me to and to be the wife and mom my husband and children need me to be.
Love and blessings,
Jen
