|
Cheyenne Marie Fiveash 
 
  
Journal
Saturday, August 7, 2010 6:03 PM CDT It has been so long since the last update that I notice today it is 107 degrees here and in the last update I mention it was 11 degrees. Wow, what a difference a few months can make. We have had a very mild summer with the exception of the last few weeks, when mother nature really ramped it up a little…
The family is all fine. We have been very busy, with work, travel, and the like. It seems that all I do is drive. I come home every Friday night and then back to Del Rio on Sunday night. Then on top of that, Diana has bought her first home, in Fort Davis, TX. A beautiful little town. I believe it is the highest town in Texas, with an elevation of around a mile. On as many weekends as possible, I leave from Del Rio and Donna leaves from here and we travel out to Fort Davis to help Diana remodel. It is almost complete, so that will be a nice feeling.
Donna had a great conversation with Maddie’s mom, Julie, the other day. If you see this, Julie, sorry I missed talking to you. You know how we feel about your beautiful Maddie and the other girls….
Along with the hot and dry weather here, everything outside is really suffering. We have to water Cheyenne’s garden and all the floral trees and bushes constantly. The grass is brown, except for around the trees. There is this little deer, about a year old and female, that comes up into the yard every day to eat around the trees. She even has developed quite a taste for the flowers in the garden. She is soooo sweet, and not afraid of us at all. Donna just lets her eat whatever she wants….. We have lots of deer in this part of Texas, but this is the first time we have had one that isn’t afraid. She acts like our pet.
Donna and I are gearing up for Cheyenne’s Rally, this year to be held on September 25th, 2 days after Chey’s birthday. I don’t think I mentioned it, but we raised almost $46,000 for the Children’s Miracle Network last year. That makes over $100,000 since we started it. Wow, who would have thought???? So, I you are in the neighborhood on the 25th of September, be sure and stop by. All the information should be on the internet under Cheyenne’s Rally. This is the Fourth Annual, this year.
This hot weather is also awfully hard on the mockingbirds. They are still around, but with me be gone all the time, I don’t get to spend a lot of time with them. It is all Donna can do to keep fresh water for them in this heat.
Thanks for checking our baby girl’s site. We miss her soooo much, and it has been6 years. Seems like yesterday. God Bless you all.
Cheyenne’s Dad
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Hey Baby Girl,
Missing you, thinking about you. We love you girl. Come visit when you can.
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Mom and Dad
Faith!!!! What would we do without Faith? Faith in God�s Promise. Faith of Eternal Life. Faith that our babies are safe in Heaven. Faith in knowing that we will be able to see them again. Faith in our being reunited, FOREVER!!!
The loss of a child is the worst possible, horrible, unbearable experience in life. If anything in the world could test ones faith, it would most certainly be this. The loss of your baby brings many, many emotions, including uncertainty of God�s promises, feelings of being abandoned by God, questioning of God�s reasons, His decisions, anger towards God, a lessening or loss of faith, and becoming cynical, just to name a few.
For us, at least for me, all of the above was true. As we mourned and grieved the loss of our precious Cheyenne, our family�s faith began to falter. As we tried to just make it through the next moment, it became harder and harder. We continued to attend church, listen to the sermons, read the bible, but the feelings and thoughts were still there. They could not be shut out. They would run rampant through our heads without any control.
Then one day God sent Bishop Pfiffer to visit us. He came EVERY day while we were with Cheyenne at the funeral home. We are not Catholic, we do not attend his churches, but there he was nonetheless, giving us support. He visited and he talked. He told us things about Heaven that we did not know. He assured us that Cheyenne was safe in Heaven, and would be sending us little signs that she is indeed, alright and awaiting us. He explained that Heaven is right here with us, THAT OUR BABY IS RIGHT HERE WITH US. How she can see us, be around us, watch over us. He made us feel better, and restored a little of our faith.
Then another day, God sent Sarah Tackett, grieving the loss of her precious Justin, just days earlier. Sarah gave us a book, called �Heaven�, which, through research of scripture, describes Heaven. Again, through scripture, this book explained that Heaven is right here with us, OUR BABY IS HERE. Reading this book, restored a little more of our faith and gave us some Peace.
But life is still hard, very hard. So, on another day, God sends us signs from Cheyenne. Signs that she is HERE!! Signs that she is alright and watching over us from Heaven!! Some signs are small, some dramatic. Some signs are to us, some to our friends. But each sign gives us a little more peace, and restores our faith. I don�t know if God allows Cheyenne to send the signs, if God sends angels to do the work, or God Himself takes time from his busy schedule to strengthen our faith. But it is done and we are thankful!
Our faith is being restored, slowly but surely. God is opening our eyes. We turn on the television, and a sermon seems to address us. A television program chronicles exactly what we have read and now know to be true about Heaven. The many books that we find, help us sort through the bible scripture and again chronicle what we are experiencing, what we now know to be true. Surely, God must be placing all of this in front of us, to help us through our grief and restore our faith.
Now God sends us friends, supporters, and many, many who care. Some have traveled this horrible road of grief, some preparing to travel this road, and some just because they care.
The point to all my ramblings, simply that through our recent experiences, God, an Awesome and Powerful God, is bringing us back into his arms. Restoring our faith! Giving us Peace! Causing us much anticipation as to the day that we will join our Punky Little, our baby, our Cheyenne!
I am sorry if there are some that do not understand, do not believe, or feel that their God would not do such a thing. You see, I know that there is only One God, he is Powerful, he is Awesome, and he is capable of anything and everything. And most importantly, he is watching over my baby as he watches over me. He cares enough about our family that he did not want us to stray.
Our days are still hard. At times it is struggle from moment to moment. But with all that God sends our way, it is better. We miss our Cheyenne more than words can describe. She is our baby, our daughter, our sister, our aunt, our best friend. I pray that God continues to bless us with the signs that she is here with us, awaiting us, keeping us company, and watching over us.
Cheyenne�s Proud Daddy
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
Since Cheyenne went to Heaven, we continually receive little signs that she is still here with us, watching over us, and loves us. Some of the signs are small, some very dramatic. Although I could not list them all, I thought I would share with the world two things that God has allowed to happen in our lives to help us in our grief, and to help us keep our sanity.
With these events our days are better. Where we once knew with confidence that there was a God, there was a Heaven, I can�t express in strong enough terms that now we KNOW WITH ABSOLUTE CERTAINITY, GOD DOES EXIST, HEAVEN IS VERY, VERY REAL, AND OUR BABY IS THERE AWAITING US!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
CHEYENNE�S PILLOW
One day in 2004, out of the blue, Cheyenne asked her mom to teach her how to use the sewing machine. Donna took her into the sewing room and within few minutes taught Cheyenne the basics of sewing. Donna found a scrap of lavender colored material, gave it to Cheyenne, and left the room. After quite some time Cheyenne came out of the room and proudly showed us her creation. She had made a small lavender colored pillow and had sewn her name in cursive across the top. The outer edges of the pillow were sewn in a unique zig zag pattern. It was beautiful!!!!
A few days after Cheyenne went to Heaven, I found this pillow, shed quite a few tears hugging and holding it, and we placed it in a safe place to keep forever.
A few weeks later Donna and I were preparing to leave the house to attend an ASU Rambelles Basketball game. The Angelo State Rambelles team had adopted Cheyenne as an honorary teammate, and now that she was in Heaven, they still insisted on placing her ASU Basketball jersey on the bench next to the coach for each game.
We were scurrying around the house, in a hurry so we would not be late to deliver the jersey to the Coach prior to the start of the game. Diana, Cheyenne�s big sister, was at home and had asked for help in finding something for her prior to our departure. I told Diana that I knew exactly where the item was, and went out to a small storeroom in the backyard to retrieve it.
In the storeroom, the first thing that I saw was Cheyenne�s new basketball shoes sitting on the floor. Oh, how she loved basketball!!!!!! All those thoughts of her playing, her smiling face, her now no longer with us, hit me all at once. My emotions got the best of me and I began crying, talking to Cheyenne out loud. I told her how much we missed her, and that �We want you here with us!� �Cheyenne, we just want you here with us!!!�
I wiped away my tears, tried to gain my composure, found the item that Diana wanted, and went back into the house. I gave the item to Diana and told Donna, Cheyenne�s mom, that we had to leave to make it to the game in time. I asked Donna if she had Cheyenne�s ASU jersey, to which she replied, she would get it. Donna went into Cheyenne�s bedroom, opened her closet to retrieve the jersey, and out of the closet fell, directly into Donna�s arms, a small pillow. Not just any pillow!!! A small handmade pillow, of lavender colored material, with a zig zag pattern sewn around the edges. On the top of the pillow was sewn, in cursive, the words, �I�M HERE� !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Only seconds after telling Cheyenne that we wanted her here, out of a closet that we had opened many, many times since Cheyenne had gone to Heaven, out came this pillow, falling directly into Cheyenne�s mom�s arms!! We had never seen it before this second.. But when we needed it most, God let us know that Cheyenne was here with us.
CHEYENNE�S MOCKINGBIRD
Shortly after Cheyenne left this world and entered the gates of Heaven, we were visiting her at Lawnhaven Cemetery. While sitting there on the ground, talking to Cheyenne, a lone Mockingbird flew up and landed on the marker next to us. It would cock its little head and just chatter away at us. It hopped off the marker and hopped over to us within inches, just chattering away.
Over the next few days and weeks this little Mockingbird would meet us at the cemetery every day. It was not afraid of us at all, flying up to us as we arrived, and staying just feet or inches from us, just chattering and chattering.
I mentioned it on Cheyenne�s website and almost immediately received several responses telling us that Cheyenne was sending us a sign through this little bird, telling us that she was alright.
Donna and I wondered, why a Mockingbird? We had read other�s stories about butterflies and other animals, but why would God and Cheyenne chose a Mockingbird as a sign to help us in our grief. What was the significance of a Mockingbird.
A few minutes after Donna and I had this conversation, Donna called me into Cheyenne�s room. Donna was crying, and pointed to a picture on the wall, one that had been there for some time, but had slipped our minds. There on the wall was a life size hand crocheted likeness of a Mockingbird. In the corner of the frame, Cheyenne had placed a wallet sized photo of Jesus!!!!!
At that point, with tears in my eyes, I decided that I would take care of this little bird, and would begin to feed it at the cemetery. To determine what type of bird food to feed it, I sat down at the computer, and through my tears, typed in the word �Mockingbird� on the Internet Search Engine.
The first entry was not a Mockingbird, but a lullaby, �Hush Little Baby�.
I immediately understood and began to cry even harder� As our baby lay in her bed for her last hours on this earth, Donna and I lay beside her, holding her, and I gently sang into her ear. What did I sing,? �Hush little baby, don�t you cry, Daddy�s gonna buy you a Mockingbird! If that Mockingbird don�t sing, Daddy�s gonna buy you a diamond ring.� Not knowing that rest of the lyrics, I sang this over and over to my baby. �Daddy�s gonna buy you a Mockingbird!� I sang this to my baby for hours, holding her gently until the Lord took her home!!!
Cheyenne wanted to make sure that we knew that she was okay, and she was going to make sure that we had a beautiful Mockingbird to sing to us every day of our lives as we await our reunion in Heaven!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But the story doesn�t stop there!!
That Mockingbird continued to visit us every day at the cemetery. Then, one day, just days before Easter, I arrived at the cemetery to find the little Mockingbird lying dead near Cheyenne�s marker. How was I supposed to take this? What was God telling us? I cried, brought the little dead bird home and buried it in Cheyenne�s garden. A day or so later, I believe the day before Easter, we drove to the cemetery to visit. As we arrived, a lone Mockingbird flew right up and landed on Cheyenne�s Marker. It stayed with us the whole time we were there, eventually sitting on the bench next to us. Easter, there could not have been a more appropriate time for this little bird to reappear!!!!!!!!!
Over the next few days and weeks, that little bird would visit us on each trip to the cemetery. On one of those trips, I told it that it should just come home with us, it could live at our house. We did not have a single Mockingbird at our house!!!
The very next day, what did we have in Cheyenne�s garden at the house, a lone single Mockingbird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not just any Mockingbird!!!!!!!! This little guy was not afraid of us at all. Coming within inches, talking to us, cocking its head and chattering away.
Since that day God sends us Mockingbirds to keep us company. I have had them land on my shoulder and peck me on the cheek. I have had them land on top of my head. I have had them hop to the door of the house as if they wanted inside. I can�t go outside without being visited and sung to by a Mockingbird. At last count, at our house, where there were none until I asked this little fellow to come home, we have possibly 50 or more Mockingbirds. They are everywhere!!!! They follow us around the outside of the house. They sing to us. They sit on the porch and look through the windows. They are not afraid of us at all, coming within inches. I have stroked one�s back as it drank from the water fountain, it is amazing. A gift from God!!!!! Our baby is saying hello!!!!!
One may think that we feed them, of course they are friendly. Yes, we started feeding birds after our little Mockingbird came home. Hundreds of cardinals, finches, dove, and other birds feed at our feeders. But even though I feed them, they are deathly afraid of me. The door opens and they are gone!!!! As far as the Mockingbirds go, I try to feed them, but as of yet I have found nothing that they will eat.
And it is not just here at home.
On Cheyenne�s first birthday in Heaven, we wanted to continue Cheyenne�s legacy. For her last birthday Cheyenne had insisted on taking all the family and her friends out to eat at her favorite restaurant, her treat. It was only right that we do this again. As we celebrated with family and friends for dinner at Cheyenne�s favorite restaurant, there was a little visitor. During the entire celebration, a Mockingbird sat perched on the outside window sill, watching us intently.
On Christmas Eve, as was our family custom with Cheyenne, the entire family would drive into town to eat at a specific restaurant, attend late night service at church, and then drive around to enjoy the Christmas Lights. Cheyenne loved doing this, and we wanted to continue this custom. As we exited the restaurant this night at around 9pm, it was very dark outside. There sitting on our car in the parking lot, a lone Mockingbird!!!! AT 9 o�clock at night!!!!! The bird flew off our car and landed on another that sat directly under a light. It sat there cocking its head and looking directly at us for several seconds, then flew away into the night!!!!!
Recently, the Wheelers invited us to little Bethany�s birthday party. Bethany insisted on sending the invitation to Cheyenne, so it came in the mail addressed to �Forever� Cheyenne. Donna and I could not attend. That night, Sherri let us know that during the entire party, there was a lone Mockingbird sitting outside the window watching the party!!!! Cheyenne loves that Bethany!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
In May of 2006, Donna, Little Cinnamon Sugar, and I traveled to San Antonio on a business trip for Donna. Prior to leaving, as I often do, I was talking to Cheyenne, and told her that we wanted her to come with us to San Antonio. As a matter of fact, I mentioned it several times and each time, told her that not only did we want her there with us, but that she was really going to have to be dramatic and let us know that she was with us. On the way out of San Angelo enroute to San Antonio we drove by Lawnhaven Cemetery for a short visit, and to again tell Cheyenne to come with us and to LET US KNOW THAT SHE WAS WITH US��I even told Donna that I had asked Cheyenne to be really dramatic when it came to letting us know that she was with us.�. Donna then told me that she also had told Cheyenne the same thing�
A short 3 hours later Donna, Cinnamon, and I were in San Antonio, arriving at the hotel. As we were preparing to carry the bags into the hotel I handed Donna Cinnamon�s leash and told her that I could carry everything if she would take Cinnamon. A few seconds later I looked over at Donna, who with wide eyes and a happy look on her face was attempting to get my attention.
Here we were, 200 miles from home, and little Cinnamon Sugar already had new found friends!!!!! There were 2 Mockingbirds hovering around Cinnamon, landing on her back and then landing in front of her. Over and over again. Chattering away�.. When they weren�t visiting with Cinnamon they would flutter up to a parking sign just inches away from Donna�s head and land. Chattering and Chattering. It was so obvious that these two little birds were special, a passerby stopped to talk to us about them. Normally we don�t tell people our Mockingbird stories, but we let her in on the secret. As she stood there watching these birds hover all around us, almost landing on us and actually touching us with their wings as they fluttered about, she told us how special it was that we receive these signs��.
Of course, the first thing the next morning I took Cinnamon out in front of the hotel to find her little friends. Just like clockwork, here came the two little Mockingbirds. There were literally all over us. Between Donna and I, we were able to take several photos of the little birds flying and sitting close around us as well as landing on little Cinnamon Sugar�s back.
Later in the day I decided to take Cinnamon to a park. San Antonio is known for its historic beautiful plazas and parks. We drove around and finally found one about a mile from the hotel. And, you guessed it, as we were sitting under a tree, up flew a Mockingbird, landed on the ground and hopped right over to us. It stayed with us the whole time we were at the park�...
There are many, many other instances of our visits with Mockingbirds. In each case, these little birds act like no other. On trips out of town we are visited, in store parking lots we are visited, I could go on and on. These are but a few of our Mockingbird experiences. But we know that God sends these little creatures to let us know that Cheyenne is right here with us, watching over us, keeping us company, and helping us with our enormous grief. They seem to visit us when we need it most!! Thank you God!!!!!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
********** CHEYENNE FIVEASH MEMORIAL FUND **********
The family and friends of Cheyenne started this fund to continue Cheyenne�s legacy of generosity, caring, and compassion for others, especially children. The fund is used primarily to put a smile on a sick child�s face, sending them little gifts and letting them know that we care. Additionally, we use this fund to send small personalized gifts, books about Heaven, and other items in an attempt to offer some comfort to parents who are attempting to live life without their children.
********* CHEYENNE MARIE FIVEASH MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP *********
The Cheyenne Marie Fiveash Memorial Scholarship was recently established at Angelo State University by family and friends. The Scholarship is awarded each Semester to an ASU Rambelle Basketball player. I am sure you remember how much the Rambelles meant to Cheyenne, how great they were to her, and the fact that they honored her by making her an Honorary Rambelle. They brought a smile to her face when she needed it most. We are eternally grateful for all that they did for our girl as well as what they continue to do for our family and the community at large. They have won our hearts!
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
PLEASE CONSIDER BEING AN AUDREY�S UMBRELLA VOLUNTEER!!!!
I understand that Audrey�s Umbrella is in urgent need of volunteers to become AU Fairies. Audrey�s Umbrella, part of The Brain Trust, reaches out to those fighting brain tumors with happy mail, small gifts, and whatever can be done to brighten their days. It is a fantastic charitable organization from which Cheyenne received hundreds of smiles. As always Thank you!!!!!
audreysumbrella@braintrust.org
Audrey's Umbrella
P.O. Box 232
Rye, NY 10580
http://www.braintrust.org/audrey
1 877 252-8480
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
THE TUMBLEWEED FOUNDATION
The Tumbleweed Foundation, one of Cheyenne�s favorite charities, has expanded its goals to include The Family Relief Fund. Tumbleweed and its wonderful volunteers have brought thousands of smiles to sick little faces across the world, including Cheyenne�s, since it was started in honor and memory of our beautiful friend, Julia Levy. http:/www.tumbleweedfoundation.org.
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Home
11821 Lagoon Lane
San Angelo, TX 76904
Links: http://www.tumbleweedfoundation.org/ Tumbleweed Foundation
http://www.sharethelove.org/ Share the Love
http://www.braintrust.org/audrey Audrey's Umbrella
|
|
