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Welcome to Ashley's Web Page. It has been provided to keep all of you updated. Check often I will keep this up to date with all information on her tests. Please sign her guest book too!! We enjoy seeing the notes of encouragment and all of the prayers going out to her. Ashley was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma in 7/02 and is now NED.
CANCER SUCKS!!!!!
The Strength of an Egg By
Juliet Freitag
Parents of children with cancer, or really any serious condition, are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albeit flattering, it isn't quite true.
It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg, you ask? Yes! If you'll think about it, you'll see my point. An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be so smooth or solid.
Most children, at some point are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an ever slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.
A rock, on the other hand, is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock.
It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. Parents of children with cancer are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household, going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed! Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and all the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence.
Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of kids with cancer will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again. OVER and OVER again...........
In My Daughter's Eyes
by: Martina McBride
In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes
And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes
In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes
*HUGS* TOTAL!
give ashley more *HUGS*
Get hugs of your own
Journal
Sunday, June 7, 2009 1:22 AM CDT Hey I am getting better at updating LOL. Things are slowly rolling down hill again here. Ashley's lithium levels were low at last check so her dose was raised and we go Monday morning to get blood work done. Hoping they are back up again. Ashley was also put on Celexa to try to fight the depression she is suffering from. We are also hoping that is does not hurt her being stable because that seems to be in jeopardy anyway.
Ashley is just so irritable and cries so easily. She reads expressions on peoples faces wrong and assumes everyone is always mad at her. She runs and won't come back and has snuck out one time. She has also tried to hit me once lately. She stopped herself and she's lucky she did. She is still saying she wants to kill herself on occasion and is hearing voices too. So things are hard right now and I am hoping that this does not result in another hospital stay for her. We shall see what happens with medications.
What really bugs me is that there are people that we see on a regular basis that just don't get this. These people were the same ones that did not stick by us the whole time that things were bad before she went in the phosp because they did not think they could help. People who are supposed to be on our side, our friends yet they run? I don't understand that. We are alone down here and there's nothing like having fair weathered anyones for that matter. Our door surely was not getting beat down with support during hard times or when she was in the hospital. I sat home alone the whole time practically and there were plenty who knew where she was. I don't know I just need to give up on that and stop wanting any support at all from people. It's just not there because this is not something people can see like a broken arm, leg or cancer. I have learned who my friends are that is for sure and they are not the ones I thought they were. A lot say they will be there and help and they are there to talk to but that is when times are good not when times are awful.
Sorry had to vent pisses me off to no end that even those who are supposed to be there are not.
I'll update after the next pdoc appt in a couple of weeks.
Julie n Ashley
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