Miss Ashley's Page

Welcome to Ashley's Web Page. It has been provided to keep all of you updated. Check often I will keep this up to date with all information on her tests. Please sign her guest book too!! We enjoy seeing the notes of encouragment and all of the prayers going out to her. Ashley was diagnosed with Neuroblastoma in 7/02 and is now NED.

CANCER SUCKS!!!!!


The Strength of an Egg By
Juliet Freitag

Parents of children with cancer, or really any serious condition, are often referred to or viewed as having strength "like a rock." Albeit flattering, it isn't quite true.

It is more like the strength of an egg. An egg, you ask? Yes! If you'll think about it, you'll see my point. An egg has a polished, smooth outer appearance, with no cracks or weak spots visible. It seems almost inconceivable that the inside might not be so smooth or solid.

Most children, at some point are shown the famous egg trick. An egg set at just the right angle can withstand enormous amounts of pressure and cannot be cracked or broken. Yet the same egg, tapped gently at an ever slightly different angle, will break. The contents, once so neatly concealed, will come spilling out. The no longer perfect shell will be crushed. It looks so fragile that it seems inconceivable that it ever held any strength.

A rock, on the other hand, is solid all the way through. To break it is almost impossible. If you succeed, you will find that there is nothing inside but more rock.

It takes a lot more than pure hardness to hold the hand of hope. Parents of children with cancer are not solid all the way through. We hurt, we fear, we cry, we hope. It takes a very careful balancing act to keep the shell from being shattered. "Balancing an egg" while running a household, going for doctors' visits and hospital stays, keeping the family together, and holding on to the constantly unraveling ties of your sanity can be very tricky indeed! Occasionally, the angle will be off and the shell will break, shattering hope and all the neatly secured appearances of a truly fragile existence.

Unlike Humpty Dumpty, though, parents of kids with cancer will pick themselves up and put themselves back together again. OVER and OVER again...........




In My Daughter's Eyes
by: Martina McBride

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes









*HUGS* TOTAL!
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Get hugs of your own

Journal

Friday, March 7, 2008 8:50 PM CST

It's been a long time and a lot has gone on since I last updated. I know not many read anymore but I thought I would still update once in a while just incase. I have done a lot of writing about Ash and her behavioral problems and I think the last time I wrote she was on risperdal to help. Well since then we have changed doctors because that was not helping at all. Ashley was threatening to kill herself, she was totally out of control I was being hit, spit at, yelled at, called names, and threatened. We found Dr Hill in Nashville and he has diagnosed her with Bipolar disorder. Her previous psychiatrist diagnosed her with mood disorder NOS which if treated right is pretty much the same but she was not treating it properly or aggressivly enough. Ashley almost wound up in the psych ward about 4 months ago after a psychotic episode. We were sitting at the table eating breakfast and all of a sudden like someone flipped a switch in her brain she got up and came over to me with a totally blank look in her eyes and said "Julie, you are the beautiful one who wants to hurt and kill her daughter". Now that was very disturbing but then she goes to the kitchen sink and gets a butcher knife I was using and holds it point up and walks to me, I ask what the knife is for she says "it's to kill me with." Just like that it was over and someone flipped the switch back and she was at the totally opposite end of the scale being overly nice and telling me how much she loved me. The rest of the weekend she hardly said a word, sat, stared and sucked her thumb. After this I had to get a safe with key and combo lock for all silverware and knives as well as anything sharp that is in the kitchen.

We have been hermits because I have not been able to take her anywhere in public because she will have melt downs or run off if she gets away from me and I can't catch her. I have dragged her out of stores on her knees screaming which makes me feel horrible. So needless to say dealing with this on top of my schooling, her schooling, my two layoffs and now a new job that I started in November 07 I have been totally stressed out. I finally went to the doctor and told him that I had to have something to take or I was going to loose it. So he gave me Zoloft and Ativan and is also treating me for my migraines which due to the stress have been horrible. They really picked up late summer, every other day sometimes every day, loosing the vision in one eye, dibilitating pain, totally disabled and laid out. Still trying to get meds worked out. Ashley however is on Abilify and Depakote and is doing well on hers. For the past 2 months or so has been more stable that she has ever been.

So things have not been well here which is why I've not been updating. It's all I can do just to survive right now and take care of us. Ashley is doing well in school however and that tickles me. She has a great teacher and an IEP in place but I know it's the teacher making all the difference right now. Next year in 1st grade things will not be so good. Ashley will not do homework most of the time and she's been allowed to get away with it which won't continue in 1st grade and will bite her.

I will try to update more often. Things are a lot calmer right now and I can only pray they stay that way. The abilify she takes has been a life saver. I hope everyone is well.

Julie n Ashley

Hospital Information:

Vanderbilt Childrens

Nashville, Tennessee

Links:

E-mail Author: tnangel01@hughes.net

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