Jake Austin Griffin
Our Little Bear

Journal

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 9:07 AM CST

What a big family I have now. I am still completely amazed that I have four children. It is sometimes so strange to me when I think about my family. My girlfriend in Ohio lost her daughter to the same type of tumor as Jake around the same time as well. She has 3 boys now. She has always said to me that she feels like she has 2 different families. Her family with Megan and her family after Megan died.

I guess I feel the same way. For me it is especially true because when Jake was alive we did not have other children. Our children now will always "know" him but they have never met him. Therefore, it is as if we had our family when Jake was alive and now we have a different family. I guess it is also a way to compartmentalize and separate my feelings. I have the sad grieving part of myself that misses my boy so incredibly much and I also have the happy and blessed part of myself that loves and appreciates my "new family" so incredibly much.

I think that is why I have always had such trouble journaling anything since Jake died and I found out I was pregnant with Colton. Part of me is so sad inside and I want to journal about it at times. However if I do, I feel like I am not acknowledging that part of me that is so happy inside.

I must sign off for now. Babies need cuddling.

Love to you all,
Susan

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Hospital Information:

Patient Room: HEAVEN

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E-mail Author: susnjude@aol.com

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