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FRANCESCA'S CORNER

Keep Us In Your Prayers!


Francesca Jordan Frisone

Born: 8-26-2004 Died 4/10/07

Weight: 32# Length: 34 inches

Your prayers and support mean so much to us!

Journal

Thursday, April 15, 2010 6:32 AM CDT

It is hard to believe that it has been 3 years since I have held Frankie in my arms. I am reminded of her in so many ways. The purple tulips are blooming as are the other spring flowers. I have not suffered from "grief bombs" like I did in the early days after her death but on Easter the church was filled with blooms just as it was at her funeral. The memories flooded my mind often blocking out the present: The last time I saw her chubby face as the small, white casket closed. It took its place in the center isle. My children on the alter speaking about "Good Friday and Easter Sunday" experiences with their sister. I remembered the desperate feeling of loss and dread, not knowing how to take my next breath or next step. I recall the pews filled with people we know and love. I was unable to absorb each one's presence individually but felt enormous support. Then I appeared before the congregation trying to relate some of the many lessons my daughter taught me. How does one encapsulate the life and depth of a child's life in words? But her life was such that I had to try to share some of what we experienced. I remember the procession to the burial site; her coffin being carried by my sons, I followed trance-like behind. Again the overwhelming feeling of dread consumed me as the final physical separation loomed closer. My Uncle Phil, her godfather, celebrated a most beautiful mass. It helped me focus her eternal life, not just my loss. As we arrived at her earthly resting place our bodies huddled together to block out the cold and hold each other up. A cascade of pink roses blanketed her tiny casket. Prayers were concluded. I cannot describe the emotion of leaving her. It is like trying to severe the maternal bond that God created. It cannot be done. She took some of me with her. I have some of her in me. Although I am in a state of greater healing, I am forever changed. I still, and may always will, walk with a "heart limp". That may sound obvious after the loss of a child. In some ways life is harder now, which sounds contradictory to the emergency state of surgeries, hospitalizations, etc. Although we have the opportunity to do "normal" things or even just be together there is a loss of innocence, a sort of distrust, a resistance to being vulnerable, in addition to a flatness/dullness. Gratefully, we believe Francesca is safe and we will see her again. I suppose the earthly years I have left will pale in comparison to eternity together. It is hard to wait.

As Steven Curtis Chapman writes after the death of his daughter:

Well, I can't wait to see your smile again,
The one when your eyes disappear along with all my troubles
And I can't wait to hear you sing a song
Maybe Jesus Loves Me or a song you learned up there

But I, oh I'll just have to wait
'Cause I know that day is coming
So I, oh I'll just have to wait

I can't wait to hear your mama laugh
The way that only you can make her laugh when you get silly
And I can't wait to see you in her arms
I know the wound so deep inside her heart is healed for good

But I, oh I'll just have to wait
'Cause I know that day is coming
So I, oh I'll just have to wait

And I can't wait to dance with you again
Knowing that this time we dance, we'll never have to end

But I, oh I'll just have to wait
'Cause I know that day is coming
So I, oh I'll just have to wait

And I can't wait to see your sisters play
The way they do when all of you are playing all together
I can't wait to watch your brother's face
When he can finally see with his own eyes
Everything's okay

And I just have to wait
'Cause I know that day is coming
And I just have to wait


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Hospital Information:

The Children's Hospital at the Cleveland Clinic
9500 Euclid Avenue
Cleveland, OH 44195
1-800-CCF-CARE

 
 

E-mail Author: Suffield7@aol.com

 
 

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