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The Diary of Anthony, Matthew and Laura Grace 
THANK YOU FOR HELPING US PUT AN END TO MLD IN OUR FAMILY.
DIAGNOSED TRANSPLANTED
ANTHONY - 6-2004 9-1-04
MATTHEW - 7-2004 12-29-04
LAURA GRACE -7-2004 12-30-04
" 100% RECOVERY. NOTHING LESS"
Journal
Monday, December 29, 2008 4:18 PM CST
Merry Christmas, everyone. Hoping you all had a blessed holiday.
Saying that has less meaning as the years pass. I hate to sound so somber, but that's what the holidays do. Five Christmases later and we're still awaiting our miracle. Without it, the holidays are difficult. People mean well when they ask how our Christmas was and we mean well by smiling and saying "great" but truth is they will never be the same. Our Christmas morning is not spent as a family. Matt and Laura wake up early and Anthony sleeps in (he needs it). As the day goes on, Anthony is either uncomfortable or overstimulated. He isn't himself. But he hasn't been lately. Each passing Christmas gets harder and harder. It has always been my favorite holiday, focusing on every detail, searching for the perfect gifts, decorating like crazy. But my enthusiasm has waned. Not all the decorations were put up, not quite sure what the perfect gifts were, not worrying about the details. What makes it harder is knowing it was Anthony's favorite, too. It's hard to find peace in the day when I can't see him enjoying it like he should. Believe it or not, over these past 4 and a half years, I haven't uttered the words "it's not fair" very often. But this Christmas I think I made up for lost time. It's been a tough week.
I'm going to stop there. I apologize for the depressing entry. I selfishly did it for me. I needed to put the words on screen. It's cathartic. It doesn't make it easier but it helps to air it out. I'm not sure what people think our life is like but it certainly isn't normal. We're home and we're together but it is still trying and difficult. And very emotional.
Enjoy the rest of your holidays and may you all have a happy and healthy new year.
Michele
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