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Welcome to Leilani's Web Page.
Jesus said, Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthews, 19:14
 Leilani right after diagnosis
July 2001
Leilani was diagnosed with a brain stem glioma on 6/29/01. She went to heaven on 7/25/02, 16 days after her 9th birthday. This webpage is created in her memory. I wish I had known of it while she was here....Oh how she would have enjoyed it. I chose to create one now to share her story with others and tell of our journey.
Leilani was a bubbly little girl. Always giggling and laughing. She loved all animals (especially kitties)and was very caring, loving, generous and kind. She loved hugs and kisses! Especially from mom and dad, but always enjoyed getting hugs from anyone! She was such a beautiful girl, inside and out. And most importantly, she loved the Lord and looked forward to being with Him in heaven.
We thank the Lord for blessing us and guiding us through out it all. He filled Leilani with peace and was with her throughout her illness. She frequently dreamt about heaven and could not wait to get there! She once dreamt that she was jumping on God's belly like a trampoline and she would stop to hug Him in between jumps. She even described what her room looked like in heaven. She said the beach was right outside her bedroom door. She had lots of animals and God would come to her room and play with her every day.
Our princess is now in heaven, playing with the angels.....awaiting our joyous reunion! For our separation is temporary...we will be together again some day...and then it will be FOREVER!!!
About the Border
Leilani loved Kitties! When she was first diagnosed, her dad gave in and let her have her kitty. When her symptoms came back and she began talking about her impending move to heaven, one day I had an idea. I sat her down and asked her, "Baby, should God decide that He wants you there with Him and you DO go to heaven, would you loke for me to send kitty there withyou? Her eyes lit up and she smiled and she asked HOW?" I said "well, I could take kitty to the vet and the vet can give kitty a shot to make her go to sleep and then she'll stop breathing and she can go to heaven with you." At that point she seemed to understand what it entailed and she said "Oh no mommy, there will be PLENTY of kitties in heaven for me! Kitty can stay here with you and Papi for the time that God wants her to be here on this earth....in the meantime I will have LOTS of other kitties in heaven for me."
When I saw this border, I knew that this was perfect for Leilani's page. It took months before I was finally able to get it on here, but I knew there could be no other. It portrays my little angel in heaven, playing with her Kitty! Oh how I long for the day that we will all be together!
I love you little mama! FOREVER!
Xavier, Noah, Leilani & Balto
Here is a poem that I wrote for Leilani:
SO BLESSED...
So blessed to have loved you, though for only nine years;
So blessed for the laughter, and yes, even the tears.
So blessed to have known your sweet, tender touch;
So blessed......so why does it hurt me so much?
So blessed to have known your cute little smile;
So blessed to have known your original style.
So willing to give, never wanting to take;
So blessed..... so why does my heart want to break?
So blessed to have had such a beautiful daughter;
More precious than jewels, more refreshing than water.
So blessed to know such a love that's undying;
So blessed......so why can't I stop all this crying?
So blessed, yes God has been good to us dear;
He's provided and blessed us and delivered us from fear.
We praise Him, we thank Him, we exalt His Holy name;
Oh Lord, please help me to overcome this great pain!!!
For no greater pain exists in this world,
Yet we have your sweet promise, we'll reunite with our girl.
Eternity in paradise, together AGAIN!!!
Forgiven our weakness, forgiven our sins.
Yes, though I am hurting, I have to confess,
God has been good, we are definitely BLESSED!!!
By : Yvonne Fernandez
ONE WISH
If I could have one wishÂ….just one, there is no doubt of what it would be.
To have you with me once again, laughing happily.
If I could have one wishÂ…just one, I could hold you in my arms again.
Kissing your nose and loving you, my sweet little Leilani Lynne.
If I could have one wishÂ…just one, my life would again be complete.
Having my princess by my side again, oh that would be so sweet!
But I have to be patient, we will meet again, for our Heavenly Father has told me so.
Yet it hurts so much to be here nowÂ…..how could I possibly let you go?
Please know, my baby, that I love you soÂ….my heart feels as if it will break.
But I will carry my cross, and await till itÂ’s time, for my sweet SaviorÂ’s sake.
By: Yvonne Fernandez
A silly poem for Leilani! :)
The Luckiest Cat in the World
Yes, kitty, you are so lucky-- to have belonged to a little girl,
Who loved you and asked us to care for you, before she left this world.
You see, we donÂ’t usually like kitties, especially crazy ones like you;
But because she loved you so so much, now we love you too.
Sometimes you drive us crazy, that’s why “Trouble” is your name;
Tearing up my house, shredding it to bitsÂ….making me insane!
You meow and purr and make such noise, we worry you are sick;
But then the hairball you cough up, tells usÂ…Oh that was it!
You scratch and bite my little boy, sometimes even my toes,
How weÂ’ll put up with your strange gamesÂ…heaven only knows!
So kitty, youÂ’re so lucky dear, to have belonged to my sweet girl,
For if it hadnÂ’t been for that, you wouldnÂ’t be part of my world!!
(Just Kidding Kitty!)
BY: Dedicated to Leilani, From Mommy
THE DRAGON FLY STORY
Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more.
"Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went....Even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return...
"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second... "Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third.
No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea". "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why."
"We promise", they said solemnly.
One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above.
When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He had become a dragonfly!!
Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right above his old friends, the water bugs! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.
The dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water...
"I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least, I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me, and where I went."
And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air.......
Thank you God, for the story of the water bugs and the dragonflies.
The day after I heard this story we were at a grief camp for beareaved families....they were having a candlelight service walking to the lake to put a candle in a canoe in honor of our loved one before pushing it off to sail away. It was completely secular, God was not included, so I wasn't really listening (because ALL of my strength comes from Him!) but as we were walking, I was looking at the sky....it was so beautiful, the clouds were so picturesque in the pink sunset....and I was talking to God and to Leilani. I asked God, if only He could let her come back, just for a moment, to let me know that she is ok, to give me some sort of "SIGN." You see, my friends have all reported getting a "sign" from their child and I always complain that "I want a sign!" (smile) But as I prayed that, I thought of the dragonfly story and said..."no, she can't come back! She's a dragonfly now! Her new body cannot come back in the 'water' ....besides, why would she WANT to come back to this world? I am sure she is flying all over heaven in her new body...having a wonderful time!!!
Well, the very next day, I went to a pigeon meeting with my husband. I felt a little out of place cause it was all men talking "pigeon business" so I went with the kids to wait in the van. As I was sitting there, I noticed something to the left...I looked up and it was a dragonfly!!! The biggest and most beautiful one I have ever seen in my life!!! It was about 4 inches long and a BRIGHT SKY BLUE....Leilani's favorite color!!!! I scooted over to the driver's seat to look at it more closely. It stayed there for about 3 minutes. Then it flew away. I said "Come back Mr. Dragonfly! You're my SIGN!!" And about 30 seconds later it came back! It stayed for about 5 more minutes. I just KNEW that it was my sign! I had not seen a dragonfly in about 25 years...since I was a kid! And I NEVER saw a bright blue one like that! I know it was no coincidence! Dragonflies are now so special to me!
That happened in June of 2003. Needless to say my house is constanly surrounded by dragonflies now... this summer of 2004 we have had dragonflies hanging around our porch and cars every day. Thankyou Lord for our dragonflies!
Galatians 5- for Anna....a very SPECIAL website!
Journal
Friday, October 10, 2008 2:20 PM CDT OCT 27 UPDATE
Thanks so much for your prayers! I am feeling so much better now. Thanks to your prayers and the Lord I have begun to "see the light." I have begun writing a book that the Lord put on my heart to write many years ago and I have procrastinated. I think the Lord allowed all of this to happen to open my eyes and remind me of the task that He had given me. I again feel a "purpose" and understand how He will use this for good...as He always has. Thank you to those who prayed... I thank Him that He put it on your heart to visit Leilani's page and pray for me. You don't know how much it means to me. I will update again soon, I promise.
With Much Love in Him, Yvonne
PS. Wendy... I will never forget Noelle's words... and feel so blessed that "He picked us."
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What do I say? I am humbled beyond words. I have reached a new "Low" in my life. I have lost everything. I have no home, I have no job, I have no savings. My marriage "feels" lost.... my boys are growing and don't need me... Where do I go from here?
I prayed.... I called upon to Lord to change me.... and he has stripped me of my worldly possessions... humbled me to the point that I have no where to go but Him. I know this is a process. I know this is the beginning. I know this is the answer to my prayers. I had to be stripped clean before the Lord could begin to raise me up and make me the woman that He wants me to be. So I lie here at the bottom... Knowing that I have to get up now, wipe myself off and BEGIN...... but I can't! Right now I am just wallowing in the mud- feeling sorry for myself. I feel the Lord calling me, but I am afraid to answer. My husband for the first time in 18 years is reading the bible and praying. He is exhorting me to seek the Lord and STAND UP! He had an affair last year and it broke my heart. I forgave him, but we lost our home.... I feel like a homeless person wandering in a strange land. And now, here, homeless, in this new land, my husband appears to be finding the Lord....something that I have prayed for in earnest for 16 years! And I can't help but feel resentment. Why did he not come to this spiritual awakening years ago? BEFORE we lost everything? So we could have used our blessings to bless others? But no. He did not appreciate what we had and we lost it all. I begged him. I pleaded. Please.... lets turn to the Lord and do this RIGHT? But no he turned to another woman and broke my heart and my family. As always..... I gave him another chance. And this time he seems to be really finding the Lord. But somehow, I feel like it's too late. I was so strong for so many years..... I put up with sooooo much.... I endured so much pain..... and I kept on, with a positive attitude and so much faith. And now I just can't seem to pick myself up from the bottom. Just let me lay here for a few minutes....
I promise. I WILL pick myself up. I WILL get this right. But Oh Lord..... give me the strength to do it!!!! There are so many other women who know the pain of losing their only daughter. So many other women that know the pain of a husbands infidelity. So many others who have lost their home, their health, their careers..... and THEY SURVIVE!! So I know I have to do this. I just need the Lord to give me the strength now and get up.
I dont even know if anyone reads this page anymore. I haven't updated in years. I don;t have computer access to check the page regularly.
But if you are reading this now...then the Lord led you here to my beautiful Leilani's page.... and I need you to pray for me. Because I don;t have the strength to do it for myself. I am out of work for the next 3 months (LOOOOONG story!) so I will use this time to write, read, pray, and seek the Lord. It is my hope that I will emerge from this pit triumphant! And have a wonderful testimony the next time I update. As a matter of fact, I am SURE I will. The Lord has always used the bad things and turned them into good for me. I do not doubt that this is going to be a grand testimony...I just need you to help me and PRAY.
Thanks so much my friends for checking in on me. I'm sorry for being so gloomy. I needed to vent. This is my therapy :) Love, Yvonne
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Our NEW Home Address:
1348 Flynt Rd
King, NC 27021
336-983-8066
Links: http://spreadingsmiles.com/memquilts/leilanilynne/leilanilynne.htm Check out Leilani's quilt!! It's beautiful!
http://www.galatians5.com/So%20Blessed.htm Leilani's SPecial Galations 5 Page
http://www.galatians5.com/Contents.htm One of my FAVORITE memorial sites ever!
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