Journal History
Click here to go back to the main page.
Saturday, December 15, 2007 9:36 PM CST
My Dearest Prince Derek,
Where do I begin? I always find myself thinking of you, but this week it was way more than I can explain. Everywhere I went, you were there. Everything I touched, I thought of you. Everyone around me seemed to be so distant and when they spoke to me, it sounded like it was in a barrel, because I only wanted to hear your voice once more. I miss you, my dear sweet baby. I listened to one of your favorite songs today while driving down the road and I invisioned you sitting next to me, singing your heart out like you used to do on the long road to the hospital. No matter how sick you were, you were always free-spirited and happy. The whole family really has been missing you a lot lately. Caleb is still Caleb, he didn't say anything at all, he just moped around. He asked me just yesterday, "Mom, will it really be 3 years tomorrow?" I said, "Yes." He said, "My, it sure doesn't feel like it." Kerri is still sweet Kerri. Living her life for others, as she always does AND she has a boyfriend now. She talks about you a lot. Gary really misses you and tells everyone that you are his hero. He had a hard time this December too remembering when he lost his mom. He finds comfort in knowing you are with her now though. Grandma, Grandpa, Sasah and Timmy talk about you a lot too. I can't wait to be with you again. To hold you once more... to hear your sweet, tender voice once more... just to spend time with you. It was really cold again today when we visited your gravesite. I know you are not there, but its nice to have a spot for your memorial. Still no grass... lol. I love you, my precious baby.
Until we meet again,
Mom
Wednesday, June 20, 2007 9:59 AM CDT
What a beautiful day it is! This is the day the Lord blessed me with my precious Derek. I caught myself feeling sad, but why do that? I must keep my focus on what a blessing Derek has been to so many people and remind myself that he is not gone, but simply in another dimension, waiting to be joined with me, to live together eternally! What a day that will be! I’ve been thinking so much about it lately, just trying to imagine the reunion hug we will have. I want it to last a thousand years!
Happy birthday, my precious Prince! We love you so much and miss you with all of our hearts!
Until we meet again,
Gary, Mom, Caleb & Kerri Beth
Thursday, April 5, 2007 12:54 AM CDT
Hello my Prince, Derek. I was going through some pictures and found this one that brought back so many memories of you and that particular day, right before Relay for Life. You were the best Team Captain anyone had that day!
We are all doing well. I appreciate everyone who still visits the page and prays for our family. Short update:
Gary will graduate college as a 'Machinist' on May 9th. This has been a loooong 2 years for us, but after doubling up his classes and going both day and night, he has finally made it! He has already been hired through Curtiss Wright company and will actually be making the main gear in the stealth fighter planes that opens the bombay doors to release missles...cool huh!
Caleb is doing great. He has grown to a whopping 6 foot tall and has now been driving for almost a year! His schooling is going terrific. I don't think he is sure yet of his future plans, but for now, thats okay with me - I love him being home!
Kerri Beth will have her permit to drive this June! Wow! She is such a blessing to us all. Her walk with God is so strong and she uplifts us all here at home. Her schooling is also outstanding, and of course, no real plans for the future yet!
I am finishing up my first year back at teaching in Christian school and it has been wonderful! My class has been full of 13 year olds, so I couldn't help but think I had a room full of Derek's... lol. I love teaching and I know that Derek has done alot of laughing at me over the last while.
May God bless you all and feel free to email us at any time. Please continue to pray for our family.
We love and miss you so much Derek!
Love your family
Tuesday, June 20, 2006 4:47 PM CDT
Happy Birthday to our dearest Prince, Derek.
Today marks yet another precious memorial of you. We can’t help but remember every detail of the day you were born. The hectic rush to the hospital, expecting a girl… lol. With each contraction, preparing for delivery, only for you to flip around at the last minute, resulting in a frantic rush to the operating room for an emergency c-section. An epidural was out of the question; it was a spinal block that I had to have. I’d go through every bit of it again, many, many more times over, for you.
I love you, Derek and miss you with all of my heart. Happy Birthday, Son.
As you vast in the presence of our wonderful Savior, remember that until we meet again, we’ll be here on earth thinking of you each and every day! Thinking of all the beautiful memories you left behind. Thinking of the wonderful legacy that will live on because of you! I don’t think there’s a day goes by that someone, somewhere doesn’t mention some way you touched his or her life.
We love you so much and cannot wait to see you again!
Hugs and kisses,
Gary, Mom, Caleb & Kerri Beth
Monday, December 12, 2005 2:39 PM CST
My Dearest Prince, its been almost a year –
Since God called you home, away from here.
Day after day the sun rises, then sets –
Yet December 15th, I cannot forget.
The pain lingers and grows, deep within my chest –
Yet I know for your sake, this was the best.
You have a new body… no more tears and no pain –
Our loss here on earth, truly was Heaven’s gain!
Oh how it would be just to hold you once more –
And to listen to your sweet, precious little voice.
Your kisses, your hugs and your ‘I love you’s too –
Lifting Mommy’s spirits when she felt blue.
Your soft little shoulder, appeared as big as the sea –
When you knew that I needed you to comfort me.
Such a strong, brave soldier, taking care of his mom –
Not a thought of yourself, yet you were the sick one.
Selfless love, faith and hope, you continued to give –
In hopes of teaching someone else how to live.
Through your eyes, I learned so much from you –
That now, I feel guilty for feeling so blue.
God blessed my life when he gave you to me –
And the blessings continue with your memory…
I love you so much and will see you again –
When this journey they call life, comes to an end.
But until then, you have the promise I made –
When I told you I’d make it, that I’d be okay.
I didn’t promise it’d be easy or that I wouldn’t cry –
Only that I’d keep going and not give up and die.
So for you and our Father, who is there with you now –
I’ll pick up the pieces and move on, somehow.
Trusting that you both, will help me each day –
Rebuilding my strength each step of the way.
I love you, Derek and life will never be the same –
But, I promised I’d make it, until God calls my name.
Until we meet again, what a beautiful day it will be!
My heart will hold on tight, to your love…. Your memory.
Love you, Miss you…… My handsome Prince.
Mom
Tuesday, July 19, 2005 3:52 PM CDT
Hey everyone!!!! Its Kerri Beth. I have been VERY busy lately. But I went to Florida, the week of the 4th, OH YEH!! Me and Mom got a VERY nice tan!!! OH YEA!!! haha Anyways, I have a best friend, (well I have tons) but the one I am talking about just LOVES Derek SOO much! I just got finished talking to her, and she asked me if I would post on Derek's website and put her two poems that she wrote for him on here, so I told her yes...This is the one about Derek, It is called We Miss You Tons Babe,
To: Derek Allen Tester
We all miss you dear,
Our Love for you is true and sincere
I hope up there your having fun....
I Love that you are the sun...
That lights up my day
What you mean to me
is more than words can say
I cant wait 'til we meet again
Your amazing and perfect to me
Your Love is all I feel and all I see
I Love going to bed at night
and praying and talking to you...
I can feel in my heart that you
are hearing and responding to them...
Well Babe... I guess I better close this...
I Love You Always and Forever!!!
I Heart You, Jac
And the other one is Dedicated to Derek, we just love him soo much, it is called... Just Stop What Your Doing...and think....
Dedicated To: Derek
Have you ever sat up at night... and wondered..
How lucky you are...
to have 2 legs and can walk?
to have 2 arms and can hug someone?
to have eyes and can see?
to have 2 ear and can hear?
to have food and aren't going hungry?
to have a roof over your head and have a home?
to have people who love you and will always be here..?
Just some things to think about...
And just some things to be grateful for...
We...Us as a whole don't Love and appreciate life as much as we should
Because some people...
Don't have 2 legs and cant walk
Don't have 2 arms and can't hug people...
Don't have eyes that able them to see
Don't have food... and go hungry...
Don't have a home and go homeless
So everyone take a moment and think about all the things you have and all the good things in your life....
After you do that look up... and Thank God for all of it...
When ever life gets rough remember....
It might be hard now but God has your life planned out already...
And life will get better... Just use the strength he is giving you...
And Love and hold onto everyone you care about in your life and if your fighting with someone Make Up... Because
You never know when life will end and you might not be able to say " I'm sorry "
Love and Accept everyone for them
And NEVER judge someone by their looks and color
Lets make PEACE not fight
Life is too short...
I Love You Derek... I'll never forget you... I'll always remember your amazing... Perfect Soul
R.I.P
* Derek Allen Tester *
well, I hope you enjoyed her poems....My mom had been fine, she just flew to florida, and caleb he is GREAT! and so is gary also well, sorry it is SOO Long!
well, I will try to update it again, (soon)!!!
love,
Prince Derek's sister Kerri :)
Wednesday, June 15, 2005 11:58 AM CDT
hey!! This is Kerri Beth. Sorry we forgot to update this page! For all of those fathers out there Happy Fathers Day! Expecially, to OUR Father, Jesus Christ, we LOVE you soo much!!! And for Derkey, his birthday is Monday, mine is Sunday!! yay!!! So I bet this monday, Derkey will be getting an extra special gift, (wait what am I talking about?) He gets a VERY VERY special treat everyday, because he is in the one SPECIAL place called Heaven. With Our Lord. I know he is probably playing, with joy and with his new friends that he made when we went to Heaven that special day with the Angels! A poem..
Hey derkey! How ya been?
I'm just fine,
everyone misses you, but we're thankful that you have NO sins,
We are SO SO proud of you for fighting that awful thing, named Cancer.
We know one day that we will be riding in Heaven in some of our favorite cars, like a Lancer.
Momma, has been okay...she just misses your love,
that you ALWAYS gave no matter how you felt or what you were doing.
I am now going to try to end this poem,
I love you VERY VERY much and I know that everyone LOVES you too! So we will see you VERY soon, up above in the high,
so pray for all of us, and remember to spread your wings and fly!
love you Prince Derkey!
love all your family, and expecially ME!
love your sister, Kerri Beth
Thursday, May 5, 2005 11:13 AM CDT
Hello to Everyone,
This is Naomi. I thought I would stop by and say thanks to all of you who still keep in touch and for those of you who have been here for my precious daughter, Kerri Beth. She really enjoys the website and does a wonderful job at keeping updated, unlike myself. Its just so hard to even pull up the page. I have to brace myself to keep it together because I know that when I pull up the page, my Prince is going to be there. Its still so hard and lately, I've found it to get even harder. People say that time heals the pain. It does no such thing! It may help teach you how to cope a little more, but nothing can ever begin to ease this pain I feel except being able to go where my baby is now and to be able to hold him once more! I miss him so much.
Our family is doing well. As Kerri Beth has kept you informed... Caleb and she are growing up so very fast! Way too fast. Caleb has taken driver's ed, but not the driving part... he kind of has to 'wait his turn' on that. Kerri Beth is still enjoying her dance, with performances galore for the April & May months! She is trying out for cheerleading next, but hopefully will be able to continue her dance. She is so multi-talented! She, Caleb and Gary is what keeps me going each and every day and the fact of knowing that I will get to see my Derek one day too!
Thanks to the Greene family for the luminary for Derek. That just puts tears in my eyes and really tugs at my heart! I'm reminded of the Relay last year when my Derek was our captain and oh what a captain he was!!! He recruited over 55 members for our team and raised over $4,000 dollars. Speaking of raising money... The company I work for allowed me to do a fundraiser for the Ronald McDonald House in Derek's memory. Our employees raised $3,000 and then our owner matched that amount giving us a total of $6,000 to give to the Ronald McDonald House to help share expenses for the families needing to stay there and doesn't have the means to do so. We all purchased shirts and I made buttons with Derek's picture on them for us to wear. I know he was right here with us, helping with the whole thing! How he loved him some 'Chacy' and 'Sarah'!!! All the staff at the RMH - 'Miss Wilma'!! Can't forget her!
Well, I need to close for now. Please feel free to write. It is good to hear from all of you and may God continue to bless us all with the peace, grace, and strength to make it through another day!
With all my love...
Naomi (Proudly, Prince Derek's Mother)
Wednesday, May 4, 2005 4:49 PM CDT
hey!!! I have been SOOO busy lately! May, April, and June are like my WORST months because I am SOO busy! I am going to be trying out for the cheerleading squad so plz hope and pray that I make it, so I can 'try' to make 'more' friends at 'that' school... :) This weekend me and momma are going to cook some stuff so that when chacy and erin come over we can have a GOOOD 'ole' time! Well, CAleb is 15 and still hasn't gotten that call from the driver's Ed teacher so he can get his drivig in, so he has to wait ot get his permit. well I have been doing okay, I guess! well gotta go i'll update in a lil while!
prince derkey's angel kerri beth
Tuesday, April 5, 2005 5:15 PM CDT
HEY!!! I am SOOOO sorry it has like been forever! I have just been busy! Caleb is almost finished with Drivers Ed, he finished his classes and he passed but...he still has to do his Driving! OH LORD HELP HIM! I hope that he is safe. ummm....Momma is good. Gary is good. I'm good. I don't really have much to say, so it won't be AS long as the others. Here is my prayer list....
1. My family
2. This boy that is in Foster Care, and he is 15 and his sister got adopted but, he didn't, he has been in care since November 2001.
3. My Maw-Maw her knee is bothering her again, and she went to the doctor yeasterday, and I was with her. I think that they are thinking about doing the knee surgery to her other knee. I hope that goes well.
well, that is all I pretty much have to say!
love,
kerri beth Prince Derkey's Sister :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2005 3:27 PM CST
Hello everyone! I am so sorry it has been SOOO long since I last updated. I had a kinda good day because the 'mean gurls' at my school actually noticed me without being mean. And the boy that I (kinda) like looked at me today, well..anyways I am going to forget I even said that! I know who I truely LIKE, his name is collin wilcox (one of caleb's best friend's). He is so SWEET, and cute. Anyways, I don't update this website to tell you about the boyz I like, I am here to update it and see how everyone is doing. haha! Well, I really don't know what to say except....Please pray for my aunt Sasah, I hope she gets to keep the baby, David Matthew. I got to hold him last night, it just made my night and day today! I just LOVE that baby! I really want a job of baby-sitting little babys like that, so I can raise my own money and take care of them little angels! Also please pray for my maw-maw because of her knee, it has beeen hurting her.Well, I guess I will close now.
God Bless All!
love,
Kerri Beth Prince Derkey's sister
Derkey is my angel for life!
^j^ ^j^ (right) Derkey (left) kerri beth in heaven!
Thursday, March 3, 2005 3:40 PM CST
Hey everyone!
This is Kerri Beth again. Nothing has changed, I still hate West Lincoln Middle School, momma is still doing good. And Caleb is doing good too, and Gary is the same too. I want everyone, who can please pray for me, about them gurls at WLMS. They are still annoying. It is about to drive me nuts! Anywayz, I have been showing everyone at my school pictures of my brother Derek. These past couple of dayz I have been stressed out, because of them gurls, and mostly my brother, Derek. My teacher, Mrs. Gloska, her nephew died about 2 years ago, I think it was of cancer. And we were talking about it today, and I was telling her about Derkey's make-a-wish thingy that he got to do. And she said that her nephew got to go to Disney World for his make-a-wish. I haven't been making any new poems up lately, because I have been busy, well...not really, I just haven't felt like it. Please pray for my aunt, Sasah and hope that she gets to keep the baby, also pray for Bro. Brumley's family, they just found out that Bro. Brumley's wife has cancer, and their son David, just passed away, he got hit head on by a drunk-driver, all in the same week! You know that must have been hard! I want to thank all of you that keep in touch by signing this guestbook. I will update probably....with in the next week or so.
God Bless everyone!
Love, Prince Derkey's sister, Kerri Beth
Wednesday, March 2, 2005 3:29 PM CST
Hey everyone!
This is Kerri Beth again. Nothing has changed, I still hate West Lincoln Middle School, momma is still doing good. And Caleb is doing good too, and Gary is the same too. I want everyone, who can please pray for me, about them gurls at WLMS. They are still annoying and, please pray for me to start liking WLMS, because I just can't stand it! It is about to drive me nuts! Anywayz, I have been showing everyone at my school pictures of my brother Derek. These past couple of dayz I have been stressed out because of WLMS, because of them gurls, and mostly my brother, Derek. My teacher, Mrs. Gloska, her nephew died about 2 years ago, of cancer. And we were talking about it today, and I was telling her about Derkey's make-a-wish thingy that he got to do. And she said that her nephew got to go to Disney World for his make-a-wish. I haven't been making any new poems up lately, because I have been busy, well...not really, I just haven't felt like it. Please pray for my aunt, Sasah and hope that she gets to keep the baby, also pray for Bro. Brumley's family, they just found out that Bro. Brumley's wife has cancer, and their son David, just passed away, he got hit head on by a drunk-driver, all in the same week! You know that must have been hard! I want to thank all of you that keep in touch by signing this guestbook. I will update probably....with in the next week or so.
God Bless everyone!
Love, Prince Derkey's sister, Kerri Beth
Monday, February 21, 2005 11:19 AM CST
Hey everyone! It is Kerri Beth, I thought I would update the page because my mom really hasn’t had the time to update it. I have been doing fine, I have been going back to school, and I don’t really like it because these girls. But we all know how teenage girls are. My mom has been doing good, and my brother Caleb has been doing good too, and he is starting Driver’s Ed the 26th of Feb. I wrote another poem for Derkey and it goes like this…
I will always know that you will be in my heart,
I can’t wait until I get to see you, and NEVER part.
I can’t wait until I see your happy face,
So I can once again kiss your soft face.
Soon, when I get up there,
I hope that I can run my fingers through your head full of hair.
I can see you now, watching me from up there, in that wonderful place.
Just always remember, I will always LOVE you with all of my heart!
I love you Derkey!
Love,
Kerri Beth
Love Derkey’s sister, Kerri Beth
Saturday, January 22, 2005 5:55 AM CST
To my Precious Prince, Derek:
I miss you so much and love you with all my heart. I know you are with me. Thanks so much to our precious Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for allowing me that peace. My heart is so broken, but I know you are not suffering anymore. There are so many things that remind me of you. Things that make me cry, laugh, or just sit in silence while trying to feel your warm embrace once more. My daily menu has changed alot since you're not here. I can no longer eat Reese's pieces, neither can I stand to look at a gravy biscuit or Pet chocolate milk. I'm surrounded by memories, good and bad. I know you're laughing at me for this, but I have to tell you. Orange markers remind me of the betadine sticks that you used to sign the hospital bedsheets with after being discharged, saying you were 'leaving your mark!' The smell of the ink from the printer reminds me of the alcohol pads you used to use to clean anything off your skin! Even though you couldn't stand the smell of it! I still have the baby Phisoderm we used to bathe you in. Your sister used it the other day just to be able to smell you once more. She really misses you. Please let her know that she shouldn't be scared. She hears you talk to her and is afraid. She just doesn't understand. She carrys your beeswax stick and uses it all the time on her lips, remembering all the sweet kisses you used to share. Caleb is doing okay, but misses you very much as well. He wears your jewelry faithfully! Every piece of it! I tell him that you didn't even wear all of it at once. I think the biggest argument they have had is who was going to get to sleep with Ferdinan, the frog and your favorite blanket! Little Derrick has a new brother now. His name is Josiah. He only weighs a little over 5 lbs! I wished you could hold him. I know you would spoil him like you did all of your little cousins. Little Derrick wears your 'rose' pin everyday, faithfully! Your cousin, Samuel got married on Thursday evening. He and Erin are very happy! They had a Cinderella wedding with the castle cake, horse and buggy, limo ride. The whole works! They had a memorial table with beautiful pictures of you and Samuel's family. Thanks for riding in the car with Papaw and comforting him. He needs that so much. Thanks for reminding Grandma each day of where you are now. Give Grandma and Grandpa Yandle our love. Tell Darrell and Sissy and Timothy how much we love and miss them too. I think of you running and playing with all of your friends who are with you now. I love you my prince. Please never ever forget that! Give Jesus a big hug for mommy. I love you so very much............
Always here.......this message may have to close, but my heart is always open.
Love,
Mom
Sunday, January 2, 2005 12:56 AM CST
I WILL SEE YOU THROUGH
I know it was not easy, for you to let him go...
But love like yours would not hold back, your love to suffer so.
And so I took him quickly, so he would never know...
A lengthy time of darkness, that would distress him so.
I left his body here a while, so you could have some time.
To be prepared to let him go..He was already mine.
I bid him come while happy, with joyous plans ahead...
And laughter in his face and heart and not one thought of dread.
You have the most to suffer, your loneliness to bear.
But know that he is safe with me, within My loving care.
And never doubt My love for you, I know you wonder why.
Just know My strength will be your joy, My love will never die.
I bore my son's own suffering, and I will bear yours too.
Give me your doubts and pain and hurt and I will see you through.
UNTITLED
I'll lend for you a little time, a child of mine, He said.
For you to love while he lives and mourn when he is dead.
It may be six or seven years or twenty-two or three.
But will you , til I call him back, take care of him for me?
He'll bring his charms to gladden you, and shall his stay be brief. You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief.
I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return. But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
I've looked the wide world over, in search for teachers true, and from the throngs that crowd life's lane, I have elected you.
Now will you give him all your love Nor think the labor vain, nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say, Dear Lord, thy will be done. For all the joy thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness. We'll love him while we may, and for the happiness we've known, will ever grateful stay.
But shall the angels call for him, much sooner than we planned. We'll brace the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.
HE TOOK MY HAND
Last night I was trying to sleep, my son's voice I did hear. I opened my eyes and looked around, but he did not appear.
He said, "Mom, You've got to listen, you've got to understand. God didn't take me from you, mom - He only took my hand."
"When I called out that night, the instant that I died, He reached down and took my hand, and pulled me to His side."
"He pulled me up and saved me from the misery and the pain. My body was hurt so badly inside, I could never be the same."
"My search is really over now...I found happiness within. All the answers to my empty dreams and all that might have been."
"I love you all and miss you so, and I'll always be nearby. My body's gone forever, but my spirit will never die!"
"And so you must all go on now. Live one day at a time. Just understand...God didn't take me from you, He only took my hand."
A POEM FOR DEREK WRITTEN BY: LISA BLANTON
Why God took you I may never know...
But I do believe, it was your time to go.
For comfort, I think of you with little wings..You're in Heaven, that beautiful place, listening to Angels sing.
You'll never know the pain and hurt left behind. But the peace and happiness you now feel...I hope one day to find.
When I'm sad and I pray, I'm reminded of how you'll celebrate Christmas day.
In our hearts, you'll always stay. And I try to remember you are not that far away.
Love, Lisa (For 'Derkey')
I'd like to thank my friend, Lisa for sending me these uplifting poems. Please continue to pray for peace and comfort for my family. Thanks for all of your prayers! Thats what gets us through each day. God Bless and we all love you!
Naomi (Eternal Prince Derek's mom)
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 5:12 AM CST
Hi to All,
I hope this update finds you all doing well. Well, we made it through Christmas and I think the children are doing fine. We are all still grieving in our hearts, but we have the comfort of knowing that Derek is in his perfect body now living in the pure, sweet, holy presence of God! I am just trying to keep myself busy and that helps some. My heart is just crushed, longing to be able to give him hugs and kisses once more. I know that day will come, and I cannot wait! God is such a good God! So rich in mercy and grace. Without Him, I couldn't even stand on my own two feet! In all things with this situation, I give Him the glory, for only He knows the answers.
Alot of you have asked if there is anything that you can do to help us out, and I've always said to just pray for peace and comfort. I still need that for our family, especially for my mom and dad, who are dealing with this so very hard! Please pray for God's comfort for them. My dad is even having trouble looking at Derek's pictures anymore and they are just breaking my heart, but like I said, we have a good God and I'm asking that we all pray and bind together that He will shed His blessed peace upon them. Also, some of you sent money to me to buy my kids Christmas and I want to thank you so very much! Without that, they wouldn't have had a good Christmas, which they needed more than ever this year. We all needed to be able to remember the true meaning of Christmas in our hearts, even though our hearts were broken. I'd like to ask a favor, as hard as it is to ask. We thought that everything was taken care of for the funeral as far as expenses. My Dad was going to let us use one of their gravesites. Well, that didn't work out for us. The funeral company told us this long list of things of why we couldn't do this and that because it was purchased as a 'couples' plan. Anyway, we now have these outrageous funeral expenses. I'd like to ask you to pray about it and if God lays it on anyone's hearts to try to help with this and it isn't taking away from your family, please, I ask you to help. My dad asked me to leave the room while he and the funeral director were talking because he didn't want me to even hear the expense! I had to see it anyway on paper. Like I said, I hate to ask, but if you could please help me pray that this will be taken care of. I'm not a person who can easily ask for help, but I know that without prayers, this is going to be just another big burden on our family. If you'd like to help, the address is below, just please let me know it is for funeral expenses:
The Yandles
6399 Fairview School Rd.
Vale, NC 28168
Or, you may make a donation at any Bank of Granite into the Benefit for Derek Tester account.
Please know that I love you all and I appreciate you all continuing to pray for my family as healing is still in progress. We love you and many thanks for your support!
Love in Christ,
Naomi (Eternal Prince Derek's mom)
Wednesday, December 22, 2004 5:49 PM CST
Hello to Everyone,
Each day seems to get harder and harder. I just have to ask God to renew my strength. I know Derek is in my heart and I can feel him with me. I know that is a gift from God. The Lord has helped me so much and I just pray that He will continue to carry me.
I had told you guys on the last post about a poem that Derek's sister (age 12) wrote that was read at the funeral service. Well, I'd like to share it with you. My daughter has helped me so much and was very good with caring for her brother. She continues to hold onto some of his things like his favorite pillow and blanket. Please pray a special prayer for her and my son, Caleb (age 14) that God will renew their strength as well. Here is the poem:
Sweet brother of mine, you will be missed -
Your sweet soft face, I just loved to kiss.
But one day soon, I know there'll be -
another chance for you and me -
To share once more, our hugs and love -
In our Eternal Home in Heaven above.
I'll miss the way, you made me laugh -
and even though we've had our spats -
But all of that is behind us now -
You're at Home, wearing one big smile!
I love you, Derkey with all of my heart -
I can't wait til the day, we never have to part!
Love, Your Sister - Kerri Beth
I'd like to thank each one of you for all of the beautiful flowers, food, prayers and support during this time. If you'd like to receive a copy of Derek's memorial which is on the main page, just email me your address and I'll send some out. I had plenty left. We actually ordered 4,000. I cannot name everyone who have sent out their support, but please know how much my family appreciates it! May God richly bless you all and hope that your families have a wonderful Christmas!
Love,
Naomi (Eternal Prince Derek's mom)
Saturday, December 18, 2004 11:05 PM CST
Hello to all of my wonderful support group:
The last few days have been hard, I'm not going to tell you they weren't. The sadness in my heart seems to grow each day. But, I can still tell you that I know that God is carrying me just as he has over the last 2 and a half years of our journey. If it weren't for God reminding me that Derek is where he is, I could not make it. I give all the glory and praise to my wonderful savior for this long hard trial that he allowed me to endure! God has allowed me to realize that Derek is not far away. I can feel him in my heart, right there with God. I feel that is a gift from God to allow me to have some peace. If only people could see how wonderful our Lord is and how much He loves us, this world would be a much better place, but we all know that there are people out there who will probably never know God the way we do. All we can do is pray for them.
The funeral service was beautiful, of course. My brother in law, Rev. Tim Glance led the service. He has always been there for Derek and Derek confided in him so much. He shared things with Tim that he never even shared with me. I do know that last year when we found out that Derek's cancer had returned, he asked his uncle Tim if he would do his funeral service and that the main thing he wanted him to tell all of his friends and family was that he wanted them to get to know Jesus the same way that he does. Derek wasn't afraid of going on, he just simply had to stay here until his work was done. My daughter wrote a beautiful peom the morning of the funeral in which Bro. Tim read. I don't have a copy of it in front of me, but I'll be posting it later. Her life was also touched by her brother. She just loves them so very much. She even came and woke me up this morning to tell me that she had been watching her other brother (Caleb-14) while he was sleeping and she was concerned because she said that his forehead felt hot and he wasn't breathing right. She had sat at his feet until she came and got me. Thankfully it was just a sinus problem, but I had to share that with him because it just shows the love my children have for one another. I am so blessed to have them in my life. Also, for my husband and his brother, Scott. They too have just wrapped their loving arms around us with so much comfort!
I'd like to say thanks first of all to my dear God for helping me as I take one day at a time and also to Charles Johnson and his family and friends for the beautiful wreath!!! You just don't know how much you have helped my family and I hope that one day I can repay you. I pray for little Caroline each day and pray that God blesses you abundantly for all you've done for me and my family! Also, thanks to everyone who sent the beautiful arrangements, plants, flowers...etc. It was so very uplifting to see how many people care! Thanks to the staff at Brenner Children's Hospital for driving the distance to be with my family. That meant alot.
We found out that just the day before our Prince Derek passed into Eternity that he lost another little friend, John Paul (age 9) to Leukemia. So, please remember that family in your prayers as well. John Paul had fought this horrible disease for about 7 years. I know he and Derek are catching up!
I'll try to update again soon. Until then, please continue to pray for our family as I pray for each one of you to be blessed for it! I love you all in Christ and without you all and our Savior, I'd be nothing!
Love,
Naomi (Eternal Prince Derek's mom)
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 7:48 PM CST
Thank you all for your prayers and thoughts. The arrangements are as follows:
The receiving friends will be at Catawba Funeral Home located just off of I-40 (Exit 128 - Fairgrove) - next to the Hickory Motor Speedway. The viewing will be on Thursday evening from 6pm-8pm.
The funeral service is located just off of I-40 (Exit 126 -Newton). Take a left off of exit and go approx. 5 miles until you come to intersection at HWY 10. Turn left onto HWY 10 and go to first stop light and turn right. Startown Baptist Church is located on the right. The service will be on Friday afternoon at 2pm.
If you all should have any questions, please feel free to call or email me.
May God bless you all!
Broken Hearted, yet relieved Mother of my dear beloved Prince Derek!
Wednesday, December 15, 2004 3:58 AM CST
Hello Everyone,
I am writing to let you know that our Prince Derek has gone home to be with our Jesus. He went very peacefully at about 2:30am.
Thank you for all of your love and support. Please continue to pray for peace and comfort for our family.
I will update a little later with arrangements. We are going to the funeral home to get all of that planned at about 9am.
God bless Jane and Sandy (Nurses at Hospice) for coming out and bathing him and putting him in his favorite PJ's and even carrying him to the funeral home. They have been such a wonderful help to our family and we love them very much!
I'll let you all know soon.
God Bless,
Naomi (Forever Prince Derek's mom)
Tuesday, December 14, 2004 4:53 PM CST
Hello to All,
Just wanted to share with you this new pic of our Prince. Doesn't he look wonderful?! This is a picture that my sister and I had the idea of doing for his memorial and a couple of ladies put it together for us on a disk.
Derek is still about the same. His breathing has changed again today, but I've seen that before. I know his oxygen level is down alot because he is blue, but I've seen that a few times before too. He is resting comfortably thankfully!
My daughter is such a wonderful help right now. She continues to help me to turn him and she's even learning how to draw up his meds and administer them. God blessed me with the most wonderful children!!!
I will try to update soon. I'm kind of out of time for now. Please know that I appreciate your prayers and support and all of your uplifting words!!! We love you and may God bless each one of you!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Friday, December 10, 2004 0:55 AM CST
Hello Everyone,
Thank you so much for the kind words left on the guestbook. You all have been a blessing from God in helping my family deal with all of this.
Derek's trip went very well coming home, thanks to Calvary and the wonderful team (Amanda & Robert) who were with us the whole way. Amanda rode with us in the back of the ambulance as Robert drove. They were so careful, gentle and compassionate and I thank them so much. I emailed their supervisor to pin a rose on them.
It feels good to be home and I think that it was God telling me that this is what I needed to do. Derek is resting comfortably, even though he is in a coma. I know he can still hear us and he seems to have the look on his face (finally, I am at home). I know he missed all of the noises here and the smell of home. When I awoke day before yesterday, I just felt like something was different and I felt pressed to take him home. I'm glad I did.
It was such a 'bitter-sweet' home-going. As we left, I could see the entire staff at Brenner's crying. That really means alot to know that they care so much.
Derek still has his central line in and I am able to administer his medications that way. Being that I have watched and participated in his care for so long, I feel very comfortable doing it all. I do have Hospice to help me out. Jane has been so wonderful and we just absolutely love her!!!
Thanks again for all of your kind words. Please continue to pray for us as we march forward on this journey. I greatly appreciate it!
Thanks for all of the beautiful cards coming out of Georgia. They help to lift my spirits! Also, I'd like to pin a rose on the staff at Brenner's Children's Hospital (Doctors, Nurses, NA's....everyone!) for all they have done for us while we were there.
I'll try to keep updated. Love and many many thanks!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Wednesday, December 8, 2004 0:34 AM CST
Hello to All,
This morning as I woke, I went to Derek's bedside to check on him. He was barely breathing, but looked so peaceful. I knew in my heart that there had been a change in him. His nurse noticed it too. The doctor checked him out and confirmed what we had expected. More less, he's in a coma. He has been in a comatose state for weeks, but not like this. I've been struggling with the decision of whether or not to take my Prince home until his homecoming with Jesus. I have to admit that I was so scared at first, but now things are so much different with him. I think if he only could know how long he has actually been here, that he would want me to take him home too. I discussed this with the doctors and they said that since I know how to care for him with his central lines and medicines that they could set me up a small hospital setting at home. The doctors said that his brain is not functioning at all anymore other than the very small central part which makes us breathe and believe it or not, they said that your vital organs can survive without your brain. They said in cases like this, he could stay in a coma for a few more weeks. They warned me about things like a brain bleed starting and they said as the fluid and swelling increases, it will continue to put more pressure on that part as well. If or when his kidneys shut down completely, then it should not be long until the other vital organs follow. They also said that because of lack of eating for so long that he may develop a stomach ulcer and cause bleeding which the heart wouldn't be able to handle and that would cause everything to shut down. I also know how Derek always worries about me and I think he would understand that it would be nice to get home. Together, his doctors and his Hospice nurse, Jane are getting things planned. We have to make sure that the bed is put back into the house and that the pharmacy has enough time to mix his medication before we leave. They also are going to make sure that I have his pumps set up and ready to go and they will transport him by ambulance to the house. We are going to give him a bolis of his medicine before the ride home so it won't be so hard on him. At least when we get home, I will be able to get some things done there and try to take care of my other family members. I feel in my heart that I am doing the right thing and I feel that God has everything under control.
Please keep us in your prayers as we walk forward witht this decision. May God richly bless you all for your prayers and words of comfort. I probably will not update until after we get home. If anything changes and God decides that we shouldn't leave, then I'll let you all know.
Love in Christ,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Thursday, December 2, 2004 8:05 AM CST
Hello everyone,
Our precious Prince is still with us. We don't know how or why, only God does and we won't question Him, for we know that only He knows our true pain and He will be the one who carries us through.
Yesterday, I picked Derek up out of bed and held him in my arms on the sofa for about 2 hours. I knew that he had lost a massive amount of weight, but it wasn't until I picked him up that I realized how much. He looks as if he has only skin stretched over his tiny bones. It was so wonderful yet so heartbreaking. His lungs are so full of fluid and when he coughs, it sounds like he's getting alot up, but he's not. We continue to try to suction him out, but its only a small amount that we can get and its bloody. His kidneys are continuing to fail. Usually his urine output is only every 12 to 18 hours and is for the most part a small amount. Over the past couple of days, you can tell its hurting him to cough and to be turned. He is in such misery, I can't even begin to imagine how he feels. While I held him in my arms, he had such a peace on his face as I spoke to him about Heaven and what awaits him and how we would all be together one day soon. He opened his eyes barely and then a tear formed in the corner of his eye as he looked up at me and he started to silently cry. His eyes closed and he puckered up his lips for me to kiss him. I kissed him and looked and he puckered again. It was as if he was so worried about hurting me that he couldn't stand it. He continued to want my kisses and finally I just placed my lips to his and held them there for a while, until he held that peaceful countenance once more. I know it was uncomfortable for me to lift him from his bed, but I think that he thought it was worth it and it meant so much to me. After I put him back to bed, he slept so peacefully.
The past few months have been so emotionally draining for me but the last 2 weeks have been even more so. If it weren't for God renewing my strength each day, I couldn't make it. I give Him all the credit for my ability to even stand, sit, walk or breathe. Some of you may have noticed that some days my cell phone will be cut off. I do apologize for that. Its just that I feel like I cannot even hardly speak those days. My mind is definately my greatest enemy as I travel down this road, but God is much greater than anything I ever have to face and He will see me through.
Thanks to all of you who continue to send uplifting words! May God richly bless you each and everyone! To all of Derek's God-sent Dr.'s: McLean, Chauvenet, Wofford, Sobio, and Castellino and to the wonderful Ladybug nurses...I cannot even begin to tell you how much you have touched our lives and how much I thank you all for being here for us over the past 2 and a half years! You take such wonderful care of not only our Derek, but our entire family as well. Its so comforting to know that you all care so much!!! We love you with every breath and every heartbeat of our lives! You guys have crowns just as beautiful as our Derek has awaiting him. Just know that your wonderful care is never taken for granite and I thank God each day for blessing us with you all!
Love in Christ,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Saturday, November 27, 2004 4:08 AM CST
Hello to All,
I just wanted to update, as I know alot of you check the website daily. Derek is resting and we haven't had to change any medications at all for about 2 or 3 weeks now. I just love to kiss his soft cheeks. I actually climbed up in bed with him yesterday and took a nap. It was wonderful! He is so small now that you can just pick him up like a baby. His skin has broken down and we've put the duoderm patches on his hips, elbows, fingers and he wears heel protectors. Anything to keep him comfortable. My family came up yesterday and brought Thanksgiving dinner. It was wonderful to see everybody again! We borrowed a section in the cafeteria to use. Most importantly, my brothers Richard and David came in to see Derek. They are having it so hard dealing with this, and they don't think that I notice the pain on their face, but they just don't know how much it meant to me for them to come in Derek's room. Derek needed that and I was so afraid that they would regret not seeing Derek later on. Thank you Richard and David!!! I love you guys so much and I miss you all. Thanks to all of my wonderful family for being here for me! I will try to update later. I just wanted everyone to know that I appreciate you continuing to pray for peace and comfort for my family! May God bless you all!
PS.. Please continue to pray for my friends, the Spann family (Ashley's parents). Pray that God will comfort them in a way He never has before. Also for little Elijah and for Caroline Johnson. Thanks to Caroline's sister, Katherine for signing the guestbook. You are a wonderful sister and Caroline is blessed to have you! I'm sure that she will be needing you more and more each day of this journey. I pray that God will bless you for each and every minute that you spend showing your love to your little sister!
Love,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Monday, November 22, 2004 4:58 AM CST
Hello Everyone,
It is about 5am and I cannot sleep. Derek had a very difficult time yesterday breathing. The secretions in his lungs and throat are getting so thick that we can barely suction them out. He has been running high temps, but we give him the tylenol suppositories and that helps to bring them down. He is so strong. The doctors reminded me that he has a strong 13 year olds heart and we know that it has been working overtime to compensate for his oxygen level as well as the rest of his body shutting down. I am so blessed to have these last precious moments with my son. I tell you, I just cried when I read the guestbook today. You all are too wonderful! To my sister, Sarah (Sasah)... You are a remarkable mother!!! God blessed my sister with her own little Derrick about 2 years ago. He has been such a blessing to our family; and Sarah....You are truly a wonderful mother who deserves the son that you have! To Dr. Sanger, your words touched me so much! To hear one of Derek's doctors speak of my family in that way means so much to me. Thanks for everything you've done for us! Sharing so much of your valuable time just to stop in and say Hi. I'll never forget all the times you came in and shared pictures and stories with myself and Derek. Derek just loved that. He thought he was just 'It' having his doctor spend so much quality time with him. God has a special blessing for all of you here at Brenner's Hospital for the love and caring support you guys give us! Thanks to Branislava, the volunteer who has been spending so much time with Kerri Beth while we are here and to the teacher, Erin for taking her out so much! And to all who signed the guestbook...well, I cannot begin to tell you how much the uplifting words help me. Most of all, thanks to my God for this time He is allowing me to have with my son and for carrying me through it all! I cannot even thank Him enough! To God be the glory forever and ever! To all the wonderful Ladybug nurses who take such good care of my Prince....we just love you so much! Until God finishes my Prince Derek's mansion, I know he will remain here with us, but until then, I'll just continue to thank Him for each and every moment!
I love you all so much and may the love of God be with you!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... I have to tell you about the story that my best friend, Lisa was referring to about my husband's conversation with Derek. After I updated the webpage last, I went back into the room and took hold of Derek's hand and he squeezed it tight. I told him how much I love him and that Jesus will help me through the pain when he goes home. I still felt pressed that Derek was so worried about me and I shared this with my husband. Later, he walked over to Derek's bedside and took his hand. He looked at me and smiled and whispered that Derek was squeezing his hand tightly too. He leaned over and said into Derek's ear,"Hey Buddy, I love you so very much and I love your mom so very much too. You don't have to worry about her because I promise you that I am going to take very good care of her and your brother and sister. They are going to be alright, I promise. And when you see your grandma Peggy (which is my husband's mother that he lost to cancer when he was 22 and me and the children never got to meet..) He said, tell her how much I love her. Just don't worry anymore about your mommy or your brother or sister." My heart was so touched by his words. I know Derek heard him because he again squeezed his hand to let him know that he heard him. I just hugged my husband and said, thank you, that meant alot to me. Then, without hesitation, I again thanked my wonderful God for blessing us with such a wonderful person like my husband.
Monday, November 15, 2004 4:28 AM CST
Hello to everyone,
It is about 4:30am and I was unable to sleep, so I decided to take some time to read the guestbook. As I scrolled down reading all of the encouraging words, I could not help but to cry and say, "Thank you, Lord." I really needed all of the uplifting messages that everyone wrote and to see that they are coming from all over the world is amazing to me. To be honest with you, I feel so emotionally and physically drained and heartbroken that words cannot even say. Reading about everyone of God's children who are praying for us just grabs my heart and hugs it so tight and I cannot tell you how much I need that right now. I know that only God can help us now. He will have to replenish my strength or I cannot make it. I know He will take care of my family.
Derek had been unresponsive for over 2 weeks now. It is so heartbreaking to see him in this condition. Just so helpless and not knowing if his little weak body is still hurting or not. God gave me the greatest gift today (actually yesterday) and that was around 5:00pm. The nurses had just came in and changed Derek's diaper and turned him over on his other side and I leaned over to kiss him on the cheek and with that, he opened up his right eye! He started to blink. Still no emotion on his face, just looking at me with the one eye opened. I began to tell him how much I love him and how much more that Jesus loves him and how handsome he is. He tried to smile. I reassured him that we wanted him to go with the angels when he seen them coming and that we would be okay. I then started singing. First, I sang Jesus loves me, then Derek's favorite congregational song, 'Create in me a clean heart...' then finished off with another favorite of his and mine, 'Amazing Grace'. I was just leaned over him quietly singing in his ear and watching his face. I know that he could hear me because he even squeezed my hand and tried to smile! He stayed awake for about 10 minutes and just as I was finishing up the last song, he started to go back to sleep. I praise God for this moment! My dad told my family that he believed that Derek did that just for me. I believe that too because, we have gotten so very close and I know that Derek worries about me all the time. He has always tried to take care of Mom!
Well, I need to get back into the room. Again, thank you all so very much for your prayers and comfort. Also, thanks so much for the support coming out of Georgia! Charles Johnson and family....You have been a blessing from God and we will continue to pray for your Caroline and family. Thank you for sharing Derek's story with your friends. To little Allie's mom...thanks for the comforting words and may God continue to carry you through each day. Thanks to all of Allie's friends who posted! WOW! This has really done me good to read the amount of people who are praying for us! God is a good God and so worthy to be praised! May my heart cry out to Him continuously in praise and thanksgiving as I know that He will carry me now that I'm too weak to stand (emotionally and physically).
May God bless each and everyone of you and please know that I love you all and appreciate your prayers so very much!
Love,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Wednesday, November 10, 2004 10:59 AM CST
Dear God please help me to say what I need to say with you helping me and to use your wisdom and love, In Jesus name, Amen.
Listen everyone, my baby is laying here in this condition that none of you know or apparently aren't aware of how much he has sufferred and is still sufferring. I don't doubt God can work a miracle, but could we all just please bind together and pray the same way. That is that God deliver him of his sufferring whether it be to work a miracle, or to take him on to Heaven. Derek is ready to go. He did confess his healing the first time he was diagnosed with cancer and God healed him and kept him with us for another year, however after relapse, he said to me that he wanted to go on home to be with his Jesus and he would not take any more treatment. About the guestbook entry referring to unconfessed sin...well, remember that Derek is only a child and you cannot tell me that he has unconfessed sin in his life and thats why he is still here. And if you are referring to me having unconfessed sin in my life and thats the reason he has not received a miracle, well...my heart is right with God and Derek's condition has nothing to do with my life. I am not being punished for my child's sickness. I am being blessed and shown by God that he has confidence in me to handle this situation and still come out loving Him in the end. I pray that none of you ever know how I feel because that would mean that you would have to go through what I am now and I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Please, from a desperate mother's heart, lets bind together and pray that God relieve Derek's suffering however he may want to handle it. I do want to say that I love each and every one of you and I pray for you to understand how I feel. May God bless you all for your uplifting words on the guestbook and for those who are praying for my family.
Love,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... I ask with all respect and love that if you feel you must criticize me or my judgement on things, please wait until after this is over then you can just email away. I know for a fact that some of you think Derek is in a coma because of medication. It cannot be possible when his almost entire brain is consumed with tumors, swelling and fluid. I ask you to imagine your child screaming in pain and ask yourself if you'd let them lay there and suffer.
God Bless.
Monday, November 8th 2004
Hello Everyone,
This is Naomi's sister, Sarah. I hope that you all are doing well.
Naomi hasn't signed on for a while. It is hard to pull her from Derek's side. On Saturday about 1:30 p.m. Daddy called and said that we might need to come on back down. The nurses were concerned that Derek's lungs were filling up and he was having a difficult time breathing. All night Friday and all day Saturday Derek had trouble breathing. Late Saturday Nurse Joann came in and worked on Prince. She tried to help clear as much as possible. He was breathing loud and rough and sometimes only once every 60- 70 seconds. I asked a friend, Amy to just pray that he stop suffering . Late Saturday night he got settled and had an ok night. We are really surprised that he is still here this morning. The Dr. stopped by and didn't expect Derek to keep holding on but he says that's Derek! He is a strong boy and you never know about him.
Derek has still been having the seizure activity. It averages about 8 - 12 an hour. They are minor although last night he had one that he couldn't control his legs and Naomi was trying to hold them. Just continue to pray for comfort and also Naomi, Gary and the kids.
A BIG thanks to all the nurses!!! Thanks Brenda, Shae, Connie, Donna, Jo, Sonja, Kelly, Tiffany, Michelle, Laura, Bev and if I didn't call a name... we love you all sooo much!! Thank you for the love and support that you give us and especially for taking such good care of our baby!! God bless you all!!!
Blessed be the Lord, because He hath heard the voice of my supplications. The Lord IS my strength and my shield; my heart trusted in Him, and I am helped: therefore my heart greatly rejoiceth; and with my song will I praise Him.
Psalms 28:6-7
Be merciful unto me, O God be merciful unto me. For my soul trusteth in thee. Yea in the shadow of thy wings, will I make my refuge, until these calamities be passed by.
Psalms 57:1
Fear thou not for I am with thee. Be not dismayed, for I am thy God. I will strengthen thee. Yea I will help thee. Yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Isaiah 41:10
Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because He trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3
Thanks be to God for trusting me with this situation. I pray I can bring Him glory in all of this. I will not let Satan use this bitter-sweet trial to beat me down. My God shall supply ALL my needs according to His riches in Glory! Amen.
Until next time, may God bless you all and thank you so much for signing the guestbook and emailing! We love you so much!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... Special thanks to Dr.'s McLean, Chauvenet, Wofford, Sobio and Castellino. Thanks to all the Ladybugs on 9PHO and Nancy, Debbie, Diane, Karen and Melanie in clinic for your sweet smiles that make each visit more comforting to us all. Thank you for allowing God to use you and your wisdom in taking care of our children. May God bless you all and know that we love you very much and appreciate everything you have done for us over the last couple of years!
Sunday, October 24, 2004 3:19 PM CDT
Hello Precious Friends of mine,
I hope you all are doing well and I hope that God is keeping you safe and happy.
I wanted to update, but really didn't know what to say. Derek is suffering so so so very much. My heart is more than broken. I told my family that God may be allowing him to hang on a little while just for me to come to the place where I say that I will be relieved when he goes and it will possibly help me deal with it a little better. I just don't know. The unselfish side of me is already there, just wanting him to suffer no more. Each night gets harder and each day gets even more so. I know that God will not put any more on me or Derek than we can bare. I will not question God and I refuse to get impatient with Him. For God is my only refuge and strength in my time of trouble and in Him only will I find peace. I know that He and Derek have their own timing worked out. I will stay right by his side until he goes. Even through this suffering he is having to go through, Derek still loves the Lord with all his heart and is being so strong.
Please continue to pray. I beg you to pray for peace, rest, and strength for my family. We do appreciate all of you who continue to sign on and to pray for us.
May God bless you so very much! We love you!
Naomi (Prince Derek's broken hearted mom)
Thursday, October 21, 2004 2:05 PM CDT
Hello Everyone,
I hope that this update finds everyone doing well. Derek's pain returned yesterday and after about 3 hours, we were able to get it under control. He was hurting again this morning and around noon. His head hurts on and off, but his right arm and leg hurts him all the time. After we washed him up this morning and changed his diaper, I noticed that his legs would not straighten out all the way. He hasn't been able to move them at all in a few days. The doctor had told me last week that his condition had declined so much in such a short period of time, but to me, these days seem so long. I just cannot stand to see him suffer. I am so thankful that God has brought him much more comfort lately. We talked with him again the other day after I had read the guestbook entries and told him that we wanted him to go with the angels when he seen them coming for him. He just shook his head 'yes'. We asked him if there was anyone in the whole wide world that he wanted to see or anything that he wanted to do for him and he shook his head 'no'. We asked him if he knew that Jesus was ready to take him home and he shook his head 'yes' and squeezed my hand. He knows that he is going to a better place! We just reassured him that we wanted him to go on and not suffer anymore. His little body is slowly shutting down. I do cherish every moment that I have left with him. I keep telling him how handsome he is and how much I love him and how much he has touched so many lives and that God has a special place for him. I tell him over and over how proud I am of him for the wonderful, strong fight he has given this journey that we so often take for granite.
Denita, I'm sorry they didn't let you in to see him the other day. I would have loved to see you. I don't know if you would've wanted to see Derek in his condition, but I could have sure used a hug. I hope all is well with you guys!
Special thanks to all who continue to visit the sight and to share my Prince Derek's story with everyone around. Thank you for signing the guestbook also. I appreciate everyones prayers and hope that you will continue them.
I feel like I'm on an emotional roller-coaster sometimes and cannot control my emotions. Please pray a special prayer that I don't say anything out of the way to my family or friends and that I can keep a loving countenance about me. The other day, I kind of snapped at my daughter and my husband. I don't know why, but after I did, I ran down under the helicopter pad and had a good cry. I guess I needed it. I then had to apologize to my husband and daughter. The stress is just horrible! Please pray that I never do that again. I felt terrible. Also please pray that God will work our financial problems out. Even though my husband is still trying to work now, it is so very hard on us. The cost of living in this hospital is terrible! He is planning to take a few days off with us after Derek's passing even though we cannot afford it. Please pray that God works it out. I told my husband this morning that everything will be alright, because he sits and worries so much and he dont' need to do that with everything thats going on now. Just pray for it to work out soon.
I love you all so very much and will try to update soon!
Love, Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 12:48 AM CDT
Hello to All,
Thanks to my sister for her updating for me last and for sitting by Derek now so I can update. I cannot express my appreciation to all of you who have prayed for us so much over the last while. Good news is that as of right now, we have not had to increase Derek's pain medication since night before last. He really rested so good last night. My sister, Sarah stayed by his bed and let me sleep. I slept for a full 7 hours!!! This is still the most trying thing I've ever had to face and I don't think that any amount of sleep is going to help ease the pain. I feel like throwing up and that my broken heart is about to stop beating and that I can barely breathe. Its hard to explain. Back to my Prince: The doctors consulted the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) doctors about comfort help with Derek in the event that his pain returns. We talked today about putting in a drain tube to drain fluid and relieve pressure, but we don't know if the results will be worth it. I do appreciate all of you signing the guestbook and sharing your feelings with me. To the lady who talked about losing her angel Simon...thank you for the advice of keeping the closeness with Derek at this time and thanks to prayers, I can happily report that my father is much more at ease with this just seeing Derek not hurting and that my oldest son, Caleb came to the hospital last night to spend some time with his brother. He is coming back with my husband tonight also. Thanks again for everything and may God bless you all. I need to go back to my Prince for now, but hopefully I'll talk with everyone soon. Won't it be wonderful when we all get to Heaven and finally actually get to meet!!! I share all of your thoughts and prayers with everyone I meet and how much it helps me!
PS.. Thanks to Dr.'s McLean, Wofford, Chauvenet and to all the Ladybug nurses here on 9PHO!!! We love you so very much!
God Bless,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PPS... Please continue to pray for me that I may be able to handle this. Pray for strength in my marriage (not that there's anything wrong) and for strength in my relationships with my other children. I love you all!
Sunday, October 17, 2004 4:14 PM CDT
Hello everyone,
This is Sarah, Naomi's sister. She has asked that I give an update of Derek's condition.
We are still at the hospital. Derek had a very rough night last night. If Derek were at home his meds would be at about 35 pills an hour. Of course, this is by I.V. so it doesn't seem like he's getting as much. Last night Derek started seizuring. This went on off and on several times throughout the night. Although he has already had them, two days ago Derek picked up the germ of chicken pox. The doctor said that there has been a giant regression in Derek's condition in the passed 48 hours. He is now to the point that he is basicaly unconsious but the doctors say that he can still hear us and we should talk to him as normal and let him know that we are here.
I do ask that you keep Naomi, Gary, and the children in your prayers. Caleb has chose to not come to the hospital. He doesn't want to see Derek like this. Kerri Beth is her mom's shadow and hasn't left the hospital. Gary is still trying to work and drive down. He is exhausted. Just pray for strenghth. Also, pray for our dad and mom. Normally Dad will not leave Derek's bedside. But, the last two days he has stayed in the lobby and doesn't want to come in the room.
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, love, and support!
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 2:16 AM
Hello Everyone,
I know its been several days since my last update. I wanted to let you all know that Derek asked to come back to the hospital on Sunday afternoon. We couldn't get his pain under control with the medications. He has the Fentinil patch that he wears for pain, plus I was giving him Dilaudid every hour. He had fell out of his bed on Saturday afternoon and hit his head on the bed rail which caused some of the pain. The doctors said that we should blaim his suffering on the disease, not the fall because if the fall would have caused brain swelling or fluid build-up then he would have been alot less responsive than what he was. They started him on a Dilaudid drip which means that it is going through his IV at all times. They continue to increase the amount as his pain worsens. He is at a very high level of medication right now and since 6pm last night, we have had to go up 5 times. We are only going up .25mg each time. If we were at home, the amount of pain medication that he is getting now would be about equivalent to me giving him 9 or 10 pain pills every hour. Alot of people don't agree on giving so much medication, however you cannot let him suffer the way that he is. The right side of his face is very swollen and his eyes water alot. They ran a catheter on him day before yesterday because he has no control of his bladder or bowels. It irritated him so much and hurt that he couldn't get any rest so I talked him into letting them take it out and wear a diaper. I told him it would be much more comfortable for him that way, so we did take it out last night around 10pm. He has been able to get more rest this way. It was just taking so much out of him to get up out of bed when he was awake to use the bathroom, so thats why we ran the catheter to begin with. Right now, even though he's getting a large amount of medicine, he is still responsive. I had asked everyone to pray that his spirits stay up and they are up now. Thank you for your prayers. It is really hard right now, well this whole journey has been really hard, but I know that Derek is ready for it to end. I am really scared, hurt,but yet thankful that God trusted me to be the caregiver of such a beautiful angel that he is. I am in the doctor's workroom right now updating. Oops....sorry doctors for breaking the rules. I guess I just told on myself. It is really quiet in the early morning hours, so I just kind of quietly slipped in here to update because I knew that everyone would be wondering. Thanks again for all of your prayers and please don't forget to continue to pray for me and my family after Derek goes home to be with Jesus. I know that I have heard that it will be so much harder after it happens. I love you all so very much and appreciate everyones support. I am getting ready to read the guestbook entries now right quick before I get off here. I appreciate everyone who continues to sign. Thanks to Dr.'s Chauvenet, McLean, Wofford, and Sobio and to the wonderful 'Ladybug' nurses up here who are truly sent from Heaven. With the care that Derek receives here, its no wonder he wanted to come back. I will try to keep you posted. Until then, may God richly bless you all and know that you are appreciated!
Love,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Friday, October 8, 2004 4:29 AM CDT
Hello Everyone,
It is early morning and I haven’t been able to sleep very well. I just got Derek settled again. His pain hasn’t been bad, thankfully, however he does seem to be emotionally discouraged. Like today, one of Kerri Beth’s friends came over which used to be Derek’s little girlfriend before he got sick and he wanted so bad to just get out of bed and ‘hang’ with them, but couldn’t. He even went as far as to get out of bed several times and almost fell before I got to him. We then went into the bathroom and he stared into the mirror. I could see the pain in his eyes. Not that his physical appearance has changed that much, but he could see how his face has started to draw on one side. He looked at his arm that was bent and his hand that stays curled up and tried to pull his fingers straight. It literally broke my heart. He then told me to let him go because he wanted to see what it looked like when he walked. I held onto his shirt, without him seeing me and let him go. He watched himself struggle to take a step, then grabbed my arm in disappointment and started back to bed. Please pray that his spirits will be lifted and that what he sees on the outside just won’t matter anymore. I ended up talking the girls into going back to her house for the night because I thought it was just too much emotionally on Derek.
I’d like for you all to offer your prayers and support to little Elijah whose link is listed below. He is the great-grandson of Jr. Stanley, a very close friend of our family. I’ve asked Jr. Stanley to speak at Derek’s service when the time comes. He is a wonderful, compassionate minister and we hate that this horrid disease has touched his family. Pray that God be with Elijah and his family as he makes this journey.
In loving Memory of Princess Ashley Rayann Spann: We love you so very much and miss you. One year ago today, the angels came and took you to Heaven and now we know that you aren’t suffering anymore. Thank you for all the smiles, laughter, and beauty that you brought to mine and Derek’s lives! Your mommy, daddy, boyboy, nanny and pops are coming over today to see Derek and to remember you together. I will try my best to put a smile in their hearts for you. You know they’ll be bringing beautiful things to the gravesite for you and even though we know you are not there, we know that you will be with them in spirit. Please give hugs to Grant, Casey, Jeremy, Anthony, Aaron, Tyler, Travis and all of the others and let them know that we will all be together one day soon! We love you, Princess!!!
Thanks to all who have continued to sign the guestbook and to Caroline Johnson’s family for sending me the magnet for my car. I display it proudly! Thanks to my family – my husband and children, my parents who are finally my neighbors! Thank you to my sister, Sarah, her husband Tim and their bundle of sunshine, Derrick! You all have been a big help to us. Thanks to my cousin, Teresa for working on the fund raiser, God will bless you for this. I seen where some of you from Baptist Hospital had signed the guestbook. Even though we are glad that we are not having to be there, I miss you so much I even cry sometimes! You all are our 2nd family and we love you very much!
Please continue to pray for our family. For without prayer, we wouldn’t make it! Until next time… May God Bless You All!!!
Naomi (Prince Derek’s mom)
Tuesday, October 5, 2004
Hi to everyone,
Today started out wonderful with Derek in great spirits and in no pain. I really savored the moment but wondered if later on he would have to pay for it as he usually does. And yes, as we thought, he isn't feeling well at all again today. Just continue to pray for him. I was talking to his Hospice nurse yesterday and she reminded me to enjoy every second of my time with him, as there will come a day when I don't have that time to enjoy. And just because he's having a good day, don't mistake it for thinking he's getting better, cause he's not. Alot of people ask me why he is hanging on. She told me to tell them that its just because his heart and other organs are so strong and young. He has brain cancer and thats why his body is still going. Its just a matter of time as to when his heart can't take it anymore or if the tumors decide to grow into the areas that control his heart rate and breathing. It is so hard to tell with brain tumors. Some people are able to hang on longer than others. I thank God for this time, but at the same time, it hurts so bad to see him suffer like this. Please continue to pray that his suffering ends. He's my precious angel and he doesn't deserve to go through this. I wished so bad that I could take his place, but I know I can't. May God help me, please God just help me.
I was reading the guestbook entries and you all just have no idea how much you help me. Alot of you have been right where I am now and completely understand. Many more of you have been in similar situations, and the rest of you are so understanding and compasionate to my families needs it is unbelievable! I just love each and everyone of you and I know that our God will bless you for your support.
Some special thanks: To my best friend, Lisa Blanton and her family for bringing meals over and spending quality time with us when she is pushed for time with work and her own 3 children. To my sister, Sarah for being here for me and Derek and just coming in and helping out so very much with cleaning, cooking, a shoulder to cry on...etc. To my Dad and Mom, who are now finally my neighbors for all of their wonderful support! To Stephanie & Kevin Spann for all the late night talks and experienced support! To Fred & Teresa Pittman for being there for me to share their experience as their son, Grant went home to be with Jesus. To my cousin, Teresa Carswell who is currently working on a couple of fund raisers, which are so very needed as bills are overbearing right now. But, I know the Lord will provide. All of you who read and sign the guestbook, for the much needed support. I love you so very much!
Finally, my special prayer requests: Please remember my friends, Stephanie & Kevin Spann and their wonderful family as well as my friends Fred & Teresa Pittman who are getting ready to face the one year mark of their children Ashley and Grant's homecoming to Heaven. My heart just breaks for them. I don't know how they do it. It has to be God! Also, for sweet little Caroline Johnson in Georgia who is still on her journey. Also remember Becky & Steve Smith's little girl, Sarah as she continues her journey. You'll have to visit her page at www.caringbridge.org/nc/sarahsmith . Her family was one of the first that made us feel so welcome over 2 years ago after Derek's diagnosis. I know there are many other needs out there and please know that I am praying for you all. Most of all, I appreciate your prayers for me.
One more thing. Caleb, Kerri Beth and Gary are still hanging in there with so much help and support for me. I've been blessed so much with such a wonderful family. I finally got my papers from Raleigh and we are an official school called Grace Academy! The children are doing very well in their academics and I am very proud of them!
I love you all so very much and pray that God blesses each and everyone of you!
Love,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 1:50 PM CDT
Hi All,
It has been a couple of days, so I wanted to touch base with you. Derek has still been in alot of pain and just not feeling well. We are trying our best to keep it under control. Please just continue to pray for us.
Please pray for me as this gets harder each day. Some days it seems that I can't make it another step.
Thanks to all who've written in the guestbook and who've called here. Your words of encouragement are so helpful.
Thanks to the women of Mt. Beulah Baptist church for everything!!! You are so special to us! Special thanks to my sweet sister, Sarah and to my niece, Amy for all their help. Also, thanks to my husband, Gary and my children Kerri Beth and Caleb for loving me through all my emotional breakdowns. Most of all, thanks to God for putting Derek in my life and teaching me so much from his journey.
Please continue to pray for Kevin & Stephanie Spann (Ashley's parents) and their family as well as Fred & Teresa Pittman (Grant's parents). October will make a year since their children's passing.
We love you all and may God bless each and everyone of you!!!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Sunday, September 26, 2004 5:57 AM CDT
Hello Everyone,
Sorry its been a few days since my last update, but I've been really busy with teaching school to Caleb and Kerri Beth and taking care of Derek's needs. Mostly trying to spend what time I can with my baby. He had been sleeping for about 4 days, waking up only minutes out of each day until yesterday when he woke up in pain. After several doses of pain medication, we were able to get it under control for about 4 hours. He then woke up again in pain so we gave him his medicine. It is now about 6am and he has been sleeping for a couple of hours. The last few days have been really hard for me emotionally. It is just that sometimes, reality kind of hits you in the face! It doesn't feel very good either. I know that God is continuing to help me and my family through this and I appreciate everyone's prayers. If it weren't for God, I couldn't make it. Please continue your prayers for our family, as I know you will. Also, if you didn't get to read the last entry about Trax, Banner and Derek, please click on past journal entries and read it. I think you will get a blessing from it.
Everyone take care and I will try to update soon. Also, please remember my friends, Stephanie & Kevin Spann and Fred and Teresa Pittman as the 1 year anniversary of their children's passing comes around in October. Also remember their families as you pray that God will be with them all and bring them peace and comfort.
Special thanks to my sister who put the note on the guestbook for you guys. I am so blessed to have a sister that watches out for me.
I love you all and may God bless each and everyone of you!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
Tuesday, September 21, 2004 12:40AM CDT
Hello All,
I hope this update finds you all doing well! Well, yesterday Derek started hurting really bad in both of his hips and his legs. I just hope that he don't lose the use of his left side like he has his right. We have managed to get his pain under control but he is still feeling yucky!
The last time I updated, I had told you that he wasn't awake much and had been sleeping for several days. Well, I found out why. Derek was secretly 'sneaking away' from us to go help a special friend of his. His special friend's name is Trax. Trax is Derek's favorite Therapy & Search Dog! Trax had to go for testing on some of his training school and needed some spirtual help, so Derek tagged along. See, just a few short months ago, Trax lost his big brother, Banner to cancer. Since then, Trax has been very sad and Lois and Bill, Trax's owners knew that the testing was going to be hard for him. Derek has already told us he seen Banner and petted him too! So, Banner and Derek went out to support Trax, and he knew they were there because he perked up and passed every test with flying colors!!! Isn't that wonderful how God can comfort us in times that we need it just by letting us know these things. I had no idea what had went on and neither did Trax's owners. They had sent me an email to tell Derek that they 'knew' he and Banner had to be with Trax for several days and when I read it, chills went all over my body, because I knew that Derek had been sleeping peacefully during that time. Not only was he resting peacefully, but he had been smiling and reaching out and even several times, my sister and I saw him look like he was 'petting' something! We know now who it was. God is so good to send us encouragement. We are so blessed to have had friends like Bill, Lois, Trax and Banner in our lives.
My sister and I were talking the other day about how many tragedies our family has had to face from losing our oldest sister, her husband and one of her son's in a tragic accident to dealing with letting Derek go. Its enough to make one bitter, but God has blessed our family with the closeness that we have to make it through. She said something that really made alot of sense and if you are feeling down and find yourself wanting to question God about the things that are going on in your life, just think about what she told me... When you think about questioning God about things that happen here, just save all of your questions for a long awaited conversation when we get to the other side! Want it be a glorious one! Oh, just to be together and God letting us know finally WHY we had to endure the things on earth that we did! I can't wait. I want God to be proud of how I handled circumstances he trusted me with!
I will go for now and hope that this update will be a blessing! Please remember Ashley Spann's family during the next month since it will be her 1 year anniversary date of getting her wings. Also, continue to remember little Caroline Johnson as she continues her journey through this terrible time in her life! There are many others that we've met at the hospital that really need your prayers too.
Thank you all for your signing the guestbook. This really is a therapy for not only me, but my family as well.
May God richly bless each and everyone of you! We love you very much!!!
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... If you've not got to check out my new pictures in the photo album, please do so. I will try to get some more on there soon!
Friday, September 17, 2004 4:30pm
Hi everyone,
I hope you all are doing well and that God has blessed each one of you. I've updated the photos in the photo album if you'd like to go on and see. Derek has been stable with no more bleeding incidents so far, however he's not using the bathroom very often. Just continue to pray. As far as how he's doing, its so hard to tell you. I know that all of you want daily updates, but alot of times I get busy or just don't know what to say, but please know that I will update as soon as possible if there be any dramatic changes. He's not feeling well today and sleeping, as usual. He is only awake about 15 to 30 minutes within a 24 hour period. I appreciate you all complying with the 'immediate family only' for visitors. These few minutes that my family has each day, is so very special to us and to be able to draw as much as I can from those minutes is very important to me. I know alot of you were wanting to revisit, but I do appreciate you understanding. If things change later to where he is awake more, I think it would be fine for you to visit, but for right now, it is a time for me and my family to try to come to peace with things and to let Derek know how much we love him. I do give him hugs and kisses from you all who ask and I tell him who they are from and he just smiles and says, 'love them too.' Please remember the prayer requests from the last update. Also, remember if you hear negative comments that you cannot get upset or angry with the people that don't understand giving their opinions. You can only pray that they never understand because that would mean them going through the same thing that you are and we don't want to wish that on anyone. Please just love one another and pray for each other. Prayer truly does change things!
(My prayer requests to you:)
To Charles Johnson: I understand what you mean about the website being therapy for you. It has recently been therapy for me also. Everyone out there please pray for little Caroline Johnson and her family that they not ever be here where I am at. May God give her and her family the strength to make it through and say a special prayer for her older sister Katherine that she be able to understand the 'not so good' attention that her sister is receiving now. I say 'not so good' because with siblings of children with childhood cancer, it can be confused as just 'attention'. If you'd like to visit her website and send your support to them, the link is listed below. Also, I have another prayer request: Derek's friend Ashley, age 6 and his friend Grant, age 6 went to Heaven last October and the families are needing our prayers. Please pray that these anniversary dates are ones that will remind of us of how God has helped the little ones by giving them 'life' and help their families to suffer as little pain as possible! I don't understand how these parents feel, because I am not where they are now, but they have offered me so much support during our over 2 year struggle. Ashley's website is also listed below in 'Other Links'. Please continue to help me pray. I will try to update soon. Thank you again for signing the guestbook, it really is wonderful to hear what you have to say. Also, I want to remind you to show your children some more love! I know that you do and it makes me feel so good when I read about it. You all just don't know how much you have touched my life through your entries on the guestbook! All the scriptures and poems and your experience with what I'm going through. It is a blessing each day to be able to read your thoughts. I love you all... until next time.
Love, Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... Thanks again to my dearest sister, Sarah and my sweet niece, Amy for all thier help. Without them and my loving husband and children, I would get no sleep or rest at all!
Thanks to my loving mother and father who are here for support each and every day, we love all of you dearly!!! Thank you to my best friend, Stephanie (Ashley's mom) for all the late night and early morning talks. Your support means alot after all that you've been through!
A Special Hi to everyone on 9Peds-Hem/Onc and to those who've been visiting the site from 9PA (even though we weren't on your side at the hospital long at all, you still are loved and will always hold a special place in our family's hearts!)
May God Bless each and everyone of you!!!!!!!!!!!
***I have NEW PICTURES - check them out!!!***
Tuesday, September 14, 2004 10:08 AM CDT
Hello everyone,
I just want to say thank you for helping us pray that Derek's suffering comes to an end soon. Whether it be God's will to raise him up and perform a miracle or take him, just as long as he has no more suffering. He sleeps all the time and has been awake only about an hour the last 48 hours. His breathing reps are still about 2-3 times per minute. He still hasn't eaten since Thursday night. His pain medications are continuously having to be increased, but at his request only. We have had a lot of negative comments made that angered me and also hurt me. Its been from some family and close friends. They've made comments about us 'drugging' my baby to where he can't even raise his head off the pillow and think that its terrible that we pray for God to please take him on to Heaven to end his suffering. But like I said the last time, if they could see him in his suffering and the time that they are not here, they would be not only brought to tears, but be brought to their knees. I'd like to remind everyone of this scripture: Luke 18:16 -And Jesus called for them, saying, "Permit the children to come unto me, and do not hinder them, for such is the Kingdom of Heaven." Hospice checks him each and everyday and they told me that not one single time has Derek ever been over-medicated. They just reminded me of the awful, aggresive disease that cancer is and that it is not the medicine, but the cancer that is doing the harmful things. I do appreciate all of you that have been here to visit and been so supportive. Also, to everyone of you that have sent me such powerful, uplifting messages and poetry on Derek's guestbook....Thank You So Much!!! You just don't know how much this means to me and my family. May God richly bless you! I will continue to update as I can. Until then, may God bless you all and please help me continue to pray as each day for Derek gets harder and harder.
Love, Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... Hospice has asked me to let everyone know that we are at a time that we need not have any visitors except for immediate family. If you are family, you may visit for no more than 10 minutes. We appreciate your help with this. If you'd like to call, please feel free to. We have the volume on our phones turned down.
My loving sister, Sarah who has been staying with my husband and I night and day and helping us keep things together while taking care of our Prince, gave me a piece of paper where she had written words of encouragement that I'd like to share with you. She wrote:
Dr. Dobson once said, "Here are a few typical components of a faith that is under fire: a very troubling event, an element of injustice or unfairness, why me, God?, a silent God who could have intervened but didn't, and a million unanswered questions. Have you ever been there?"
"When I read 1st Peter 5:4, I think of Derek. It says:"
When the Chief Shephard appears, you will receive the crown of glory that will never fade away.
She states: "After a night like last night, I know that it won't be long before Derek receives his crown."
May God Bless my dearest sister and my niece, Amy for everything they are doing for my family. We love them so much!!!
Saturday, September 11, 2004 3:00 PM CDT
Hello to everyone,
Just a quick update. Derek is still with us, but in about the same condition. His breathing is still about 2-3 times per minute. It is just a matter of how long his strong little heart can take the breathing pattern. He is pale, clammy, dark eyes and very very weak. His pain is still pretty much under control, but his suffering is getting worse each day. By suffering, I mean mentally, emotionally. You know it has got to be hard on a young child not to be able to get up and do the things they once could and to be the only one around his large loving family that is bed-bound. Today, I am asking each one of you to pray the same way. Jesus said that where two or three are gathered in my name, there I will be in the midst. We need for everyone to pray for Derek's deliverance into the arms of Jesus. He is doing nothing but suffering as he continues his walk here with us. It is so hard for our entire family to watch him this way. It is killing me inside to see my baby suffer like this. I beg of you to please pray for God's mercy in that He will deliver him into his new body soon! To some, this may seem a harsh prayer, but if you need to, just come sit by his bed for a few minutes or try to imagine you or your child in this condition. I'd like to say thanks to all who are continuing to pray for our family and signing his guestbook for us. We really appreciate this so very much and we love you for this! It is your prayers that are helping us to have the strength to go on. Some of you have mentioned about me being so strong...well, I feel like jello inside, but my strength on the outside comes from your prayers and I couldn't make it without you. We love each and everyone of you and may God richly bless you for your prayers and support!
Love to all,
Naomi (Prince Derek's mom)
PS... I can't sign off without reminding you again to go hug your children and make sure to tell them you love them. Don't look at them as a duty or a job of some sort, just simply thank God that you were chosen to make a difference in a young child's life! Also, go hug someone else's child....that one you can just look at and tell that they are long overdue for a hug. Thank you all who've taken my advice. For you never know how long you may have to make that difference and just know that our God will reward you for it one day.
Saturday, September 04, 2004
Hello everyone,
Just wanted to let you all know that we are still at home and Derek is still hanging in there. I am going to leave the message the same for others who haven't read it yet. I just wanted to stop by and update but really didn't know what to say. He decided to come home and let Hospice help us through his last days. The Hospice people are very nice and have already got out and got him a bed and wheelchair. They will be here about 3 times a week. If something happens that he decides to go back to the hospital, then thats what we will do. We are letting him make all decisions right now. Just keep us in your prayers. He has talked to us about seeing angels and that he knows he is getting ready to go to heaven. He has also talked about seeing a couple of his friends on the other side that is waiting on him. This is a very difficult time for our family so I appreciate your prayers. Please pray a special prayer for his brother (14) and his sister (12). They are having it extremely hard right now. School just got started and they are having to miss, but I know that this is where they need to be right now. I know that alot of you have called and have gotten my voicemail, but when you do, just leave me a message and I'll have someone call you back. Derek's breathing is still irregular and his blood pressure and oxygen levels are up and down. He is a DNR patient (Do not ressusitate) which is still hard to think about, but to try to bring him back will only prolong suffering. Please continue to pray that God take him out of this sufferring and keep him in his hands. I know that God is hearing prayers and helping him to be strong through this. He has no worries at all about what is going on. Thanks again to all who are keeping in touch with us and for your prayers for our family. We love you so much. Again, I'll leave you with this final thought and with much greater realization (same as last time!)..... Go give your children a big hug every time you think about it today and tell them how special they are and how much you love them. If they make a mess or don't finish a chore, or forget to do something you told them to do....Just go easy on them, its not the end of the world. Enjoy the people you love and care about, for you never know how much time you will have to let them know that. They may be called home today. Just love your children and I promise, you won't regret it. And if they live to be 100, they will always remember the love of God you gave to them.
Love to all,
Naomi (Derek's mom)
PS- Don't forget to look at my photo page.
We'd like to send a special thank you to some people who has really been doing alot for Derek and have took the time and money to make a difference in his life! Lane, Kimmy, Charlie and Ashley Ross for all that you do. You are a very special family in Derek's life! Also, Kevin, Stephanie and BoyBoy Spann for taking the time to come visit as well as Fred and Teresa Pittman. Chacy, (Holy Empress)...I don't need to tell you how important you are to me and Derek. Erin, thank you for all of your support as well. Kevin Taylor for hanging in there with us the whole way! Stacy, Elizabeth and Anna at the hospital...thanks for always doing the crafts with Derek while we are there each time. To all the wonderful (Ladybugs) on 9 Peds Hem/Onc, your love has touched my family so much! Dr. McLean, Dr. Chauvenet (I get extra points for spelling that right without looking! HA), Dr. Wofford, Dr. Sobio, Jennifer and all the wonderful people in clinic....We love you so much and appreciate everything that you do! There are too many people to thank that I know I can't name them all, but, please know that we appreciate each and everyone of you!!!
God Bless You All!!!!
Monday, March 22, 2004 7:48 AM CST
Hello Everyone,
Its been a while since our last update. I really didn't know how to word anything. As I told you last time, Derek's cancer has returned. We discussed options of treatment and decided that the quality of life is much more important than the quantity of life. Derek has decided not to do anymore chemotherapy. We have been spending the last several months trying to make sure that Derek is enjoying his time he has left with us. Its such a hard thing to face, but at the same time, God is watching over us and will not put more on us than we can bear. He said that in his word. As Derek's mother, my selfish side wants to give as much medicine to try to make it go away, but the unselfish thing to do is to respect his wishes and not put him through it. I can do nothing other than to place his life in the arms of God and leave him there. I know he has a plan and he will give us the grace to make it through. I really appreciate everyone who is praying for Derek and our family. As everyday is definately crucial for time....I ask that you pray for Derek's strength to enjoy his last moments of life without any suffering or pain. I can tell you that his spirits are definately where they need to be and thats way up there with the angels. He is so unbelievably happy inside and does not fear what lies ahead. Until next time....God bless each and every one of you and please know how much we appreciate you. If you'd like to email us, please feel free to at the email address link below.
God Bless!
Thursday, January 8, 2004 10:16 AM CST
Hi everyone,
Derek has been doing well the last couple of months while he was off chemotherapy, but unfortunately, we have found out that his cancer has returned. Of course his chances are a lot lower this time. We have left the decision up to him as to try more chemotherapy (which will only prolong life) or to just leave it in God's hands. Derek was really upset, of course when he first found out, but now has an unusual extreme sense of happiness which I think God is responsible for. Just pray for strength and that God keeps him in his hands and do what is best for Derek. I will try to keep this webpage updated for you. If you'd like to email him or sign his guest book, he will be checking it frequently. We thank everyone for your prayers and support.
Signed, broken hearted mother of a very special little boy.
Thursday, August 28, 2003 11:27 AM CDT
Hello everyone!
Just wanted to update my page and let you know that I finally had my last round of chemo this week. I am so excited. I have had alot of tests done - kind of an end of study testing. I have to go back in a couple of weeks to have the rest of them finished. My mom is taking me next week to have me fitted for hearing aids so I will be able to hear better. I will have another MRI scan on my brain and spine on Sept. 22 as well as a spinal tap too. If everything continues to go well, I will get to get my central line taken out too! They are going to leave my portacath in though for about a year just to make sure things still look good. I will have to go once a month to have it flushed and to have my bloodwork checked. My mom is having me a big Victory party on Sept 26th at 7pm. If you'd like to come, just email me and I will get you directions. I want to tell everyone that I love them and thank you so much for all of your prayers and support during my journey. I couldn't have done it without you. I will keep you updated! Until then.......
I love you and God Bless!!!
Derek
Friday, July 25, 2003 11:09 AM CDT
Hello Everyone! I hope all of you are doing well. The last time I updated, I was telling you about the new scan I had done to measure the chemical makeup of my brain. Well, it turned out great! They only found dead tumor cells and normal tissue. I was so excited! I also had another MRI last week and it showed no change - which is wonderful! I have more good news. I went in for chemo this week and they told me that I only had 1 more round to go! I am just having a great week! My last chemo is scheduled for August 18th. I will have to go back only 1 time a month for a while and have a scan done every 3 months for a couple of years. I will miss everyone at the hospital, but I am ready to get back to life as 'normal'! My mom is going to have me a huge party to celebrate. That will be so much fun! I would like to say thanks to everyone that has been praying for me. Most of all thanks to God, because he is the one that is responsible for my miracle - and that is exactly what it is - a Miracle!!!! The doctors are even amazed at how well I've done! I'd also like to especially say thanks to Rick Coffey's Jr. High Sunday School group that has prayed for me every Sunday! Its because of the people like you that has got me through this difficult time. Well, I will go for now.........Until then, God Bless You All and I love you!
Love,
Derek
Saturday, May 10, 2003 8:23 PM CDT
Hi everyone,
Again, its been a while since I've got to update my journal. I do appreciate your patience and am glad that you still visit my webpage. The last few months have been kind of up and down. But thats the way it is with treatment. I spend about 3 weeks out of every month in the hospital and my mom and I drive there a couple of times on the weeks that I do get to stay at home. I had another scan in March. It showed the same as December's did. Since it showed the same, the doctor told my mom that they were going to do a new kind of scan next week. It is just like an MRI, but it is more detailed. Also, I have had trouble tolerating a couple of the chemos that they were giving me, so they are doing research to find some new ones that would work with the ones that I'm already on. I'm really scared about the new test, but I'll make it through it. My biggest fear is the unknown. I am going to try to get some new pictures on here soon. My hair still hasn't started to grow back yet. It should once treatment is over. My last treatment is scheduled the end of September if everything goes well. Hospital School is going great. I will probably be exempt from the EOG's which is fine with me! My teacher, Erin Webster is wonderful!! She is the best thing that I could ask for!! It is hard being away from my friends at school, and she really understands it. I'd like to say that I appreciate the entire staff on the 9th floor at Brenner's. They make our stay so comfortable and fun! I can't say how much me and my mom loves them. From Housekeeping to the Doctors, everyone is wonderful to us!! I love you all and keep in touch. God Bless you and keep praying for me.
Love,
Derek
Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 06:51 PM (CST)
Hello everyone - Sorry its been a while since I last updated my story. If you are a first time visitor, you can read my original story in history by clicking on the link. The last few months have been really tough, if I said any different, I'd be lying. I am still going through chemotherapy and have went through 6 weeks of radiation. I've lost over 40 pounds and have been really sick during all of this. I did get a very good report on my last scan after the MRI. They said that the tumors had shrank anywhere from 80-95%! Even though I got a good report, I have to keep going though. I will have about another year of chemo - yuk!!! I hate it so bad! It makes me sooo sick and my counts go down really low. Also, I just found out last week that I have had some hearing loss from one of the chemos I've been taking. I still have to have that chemo quite a bit so we will have to leave that one in God's hands too! He can fix it, though! I have to go into the hospital every 3 weeks for chemo to be put into my portacath and I take chemo by mouth 21 days out of every month. I have had to have 3 blood transfusions and 6 feeding tubes (I can't seem to keep those down) They put them in and I throw them up. I usually have at least 2 unexpected admits into the hospital each month. But after all is said and done, I know it will be worth everything I've had to go through! I want to thank all of you for signing my guestbook. I really enjoy reading it. Thank you all for your prayers and support. I have also added some pictures to my photo album for you to enjoy. Until next time, God Bless You All and hope everyone has had a wonderful holiday!!!
Love you -
Derek
Friday, September 06, 2002 at 11:46 PM (CDT)
Hi, My name is Derek. I am 11 years old and am in the fifth grade.
On Tuesday, August 6,2002 I had my first day of fifth grade.
That afternoon I was at home jumping on the bed. All of a sudden I felt numb on my left side. I couldn't move my left leg or arm. My mom took me to the closest hospital. The doctors thought I had a stroke. I was there a couple of hours and then they moved me to a special childrens hospital about and hour and a half away from home. I was there for three weeks and then got to move just across the street to stay in a nice house so it wouldn't be like the hospital room.
On Thursday, August 8 I had brain surgery. The doctors said I had a tumor and took biopsies and sent peices of it across the United States to different doctors to examine.
On Thursday, August 15, the doctors told my mom the tumor was cancer. It is called Neuroblastoma. My doctors, pastor, and my uncle came in to tell me that I had cancer.
Cancer is a very scary word. My tests have been very scary too. I have had brain scans, bone scans and alot of other scary tests.
My right eye was blurry so I had to see an eye specialist. I was put on three different eye machines. My vision is getting much better now. I only sometimes see 2 of things.
I had two treatments of chemotherapy that makes me real sick and my hair fall out. I just started my radiation treatments and will have to do that with the chemo for 6 weeks at least.
The hospital has sent me and my mom to a special place for treatments through the week. If my blood counts are good enough on Fridays, I will get to come home for the weekends.
A nurse showed my mom how to give me shots. She has to give me a shot once a day to help build more good blood cells.
My radiation doctor told me that I need to have brain scans every so often until I turn about 20!
He told me that a lot of things were going to happen to me during radiation and chemotherapy. My hair is already almost gone now and I have been really sick alot. I have lost about 25 pounds in the last month and he said I might even lose more!! This is all so new to me and I get scared, mad, sad and everything all the time. I know I will be okay, because I believe God knows what he's doing!
Hopefully by Christmas I will be feeling better and my hair will be growing back some.
Please keep me in your prayers and feel free to email me and hope you enjoy my website. I will try to keep it updated as much as possible.
Click here to go back to the main page.
----End of History----