Tom Kern's Page

This page has been provided to help friends and family keep updated about Tom Kern.

Journal

Tuesday, June 9, 2009 1:24 PM CDT

Sometimes life just sucks! (I really don't like that word, but it is fitting.) We are having a hard time. June is full of Tom's birthday, the anniversary of his death (5 years), and Father's Day.

Tori is getting involved in more activities, and she wants him here. She said it isn't fair that he never got to see her play softball, volleyball, and basketball. She had award's day at the end of the school year, and she wanted him to be proud of her accomplishments. We know he is with us, but it isn't the same as having him here to give her a big hug and say, "I'm proud of you!"

Connor is struggling with the same issues. He is growing up so fast and wants to talk to his dad about "guy stuff" - girls, sports, girls. It's not quite the same talking to me. On Tom's birthday, Connor had a baseball tournament. He fell apart between games. He wants him here to cheer him on.

Alexa is trying to be so grown up, but I know she aches for him to hug her (just like the rest of us). She will be a senior next year, and she is starting to think about all the things he won't be there for - her last high school musical, hockey captain, choir concerts, graduation ceremony.

Mackenzie is moving to Mankato with Kenra to continue her education. We are going to miss them so much! We watch Kenra 4 days a week. It's a good move for her, but it will be hard for us.

I hurt for all my kids, as well as myself. I recently got mad at Tom for dying (something I have never done). If he hadn't died, we wouldn't be in so much pain. It's dumb, I know, but I can't help it. Sometimes it is hard to see the good in life when it hurts so much. We will love and miss Tom forever. I just want it to stop hurting. I know there are good things. Don helps me with that. He continues to be very supportive, and he knows this doesn't have anything to do with him. It's weird loving two men at the same time.

This website continues to give me support. Tom's mom just talked to someone who continues to check on us through this caringbridge site. I also just read another guestbook entry from a man who found us through killthecan.org. Thanks to all of you for your kind words. They mean a lot.

Thanks for listening (reading). It is very therapeutic for me to write all this out.

Jenny

Email address  : chuck.day@medtronic.com

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