--- RACHAEL LYNN MAYO --- November 15, 1983 - March 1, 2003
"A wife who loses her husband is called a widow, a husband who loses a wife is called a widower, a child who loses his parents is called an orphan, but there is no word for a parent who loses a child, that's how awful the loss is!"
- J.Neugeboren
Rachael drew this picture of NEKO while she was in the hospital...she loved her, and to this day I feel NEKO looks for her Rachael. Whenever she hears a door open she runs to the door, hoping her Rachael has come home to her....NEKO turned 7 this past May 15th. She is the princess of our home. I know if Rachael had survived her cancer (mis)treatments NEKO would be a part of Rachael's home.
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Rachael was dx with Hodgkin's Lymphoma July of 2001. She died following complications from an unrelated cord blood transplant.
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Something you may not know: The song, "Fly Me to the Moon", that accompanies the slide show on this site was Rachael's favorite song. She had many variations saved on her computer. When the doctors at the hospital gave up, and told us she was dying, I knew we had to sing her favorite song to her. We sang it till she took her last breath.
On the day of her memorial service, one of her friends, Jamie, played the song on the bells at the church she attended. Jamie is the only friend of Rachael's that still keeps in touch with an occasional card.
**** "You take the breath right out of me. You left a hole where my heart should be"
***** from BREATH, a song by Breaking Benjamin
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"Hearts will never be pratical, until they are made unbreakable." Wizard of Oz
The love is strong. The pain of loss is forever. Nothing will ever be 'good' again.
Rachael has always been amazing. I don't know if any of her friends still miss her, but I know Fred, Aunt Nope (Pat), Ross, and I long for her presence in our lives.
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"Real grief is not healed by time... If time does anything, it deepens our grief. The longer we live, the more fully we become aware of who she was for us, and the more intimately we experience what her love meant for us. Real, deep love is, as you know, very unobtrusive, seemingly easy and obvious, and so present that we take it for granted. Therefore, it is often only in retrospect-or better, in memory-that we fully realize its power and depth. Yes, indeed, love often makes itself visible in pain." -Henri Nouwen **** Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean. Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the heart and gather to the eyes, In looking on the happy autumn-fields, and thinking of the days that are no more. - Alfred Lord Tennyson
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving much advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a gentle and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. - Henri Nouwen
When my dad, Henry Rataj, died in August of 1987, I was so very sad. I cried a lot.
Rachael, in her 3 ½ year old wisdom said, “I hate the noise that sadness makes, I don’t like your face when it drips.” She made me smile. I wasn’t happy, but I knew I could be again once I got over grieving for my dad. And so, life went on, and there were a lot of happy times. There were sad times too, but Fred, Rachael and I got through them.
When Rachael was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I don’t recall being initially sad…I remember being very, very angry! Ready to do battle with this beast that we were told was treatable and in some cases curable. I’d cry for what Rachael had to go through. I’d cry because I wasn’t smart enough to ask the medical staff the right questions . . . they always made me feel like a stupid parent.
I was angry at the idea that Rachael was sick, and was so ready for the fight.
Well, the fight ended in defeat. Rachael died, not from the disease, but from the treatment.
I now “hate the noise that happiness makes.”
I am unable to cope with smiling faces of families enjoying all the fun things Fred and I will never know.
If you have an ill child, look long, hard and world-wide for care. I wish I'd looked further. I wish I'd found better medical care. Rachael's doctors did not treat her well. * * * * * Rachael's cremains have visited: All 50 STATES! Portugal,Scotland, Poland, Spain, Italy, Iraq, Malaysia, Singapore, Ireland, Bahamas, Canada, Norway, Italy, Denmark, Mexico, The French Pyrennees, Australia, Ireland, Japan, Korea, Turkey, Whitchurch, Nr. Stratford upon Avon,England, Snowdonia and Anglesey, North Wales, Rollright Stones, the Lot Valley in France. The FOREVER SPACE FLIGHT has ended in yet another failure. Rachael we love you and miss you. . .more and more with each passing day.
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