Journal History
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Friday, January 9, 2009 7:26 PM CST
Just wanted to share that ESther Lily Rose is home from Guatemala and doing great!!!! SHe is so much fun and just brings us so much joy!!! SHe is precious!!! We all just adore her!!! SHe is a beautiful little princess!!! God has really blessed us all!!! We have 5 wonderful kids and know that someday we will see Noah again this time in perfection with Jesus!!! Now that will be an amazing day!!! I think of the day each of our kids were born to us in the hospital or China or Guatemala and how the day will always be in our memories!! Then I think of the day that we see Jesus and what a day that will be like no other!!! THis time free of sickness, free of fear, free of wordly things. Until then I pray that we can help the orphans in any way that God leads!!! I encourage any of you who are considering adoption it is such a miracle. Yes the wait is so hard and long, there is much paperwork, and much money spent but wow I would do it all over again!!! Orphans are on God's heart!!! He loves them so much and has great plans ahead for them!!! Orphans are the forgotten ones. They cry each night hoping, praying, longing to have a family a mommy and daddy, brothers and sisters. THey long to be kissed and held and not in orphanage walls. If God is leading you please email me and I can give you more information on a great agency and help anyway possible. It is truly a blessing to us!!! We love them much as our bio kids and they are truly all gifts from God!!! If you want to see pictures of Esther and the kids go to
http://www.journeytome.com/journal_view.cfm?journalid=2147
or go to Journey to me and click on adoption stories and then go to Guatemala and Esther Rose you can read our journey and see pictures!!!!
May God BLess you all,
Love Heidi
Friday, October 24, 2008 12:15 AM CDT
Wow this time of year is always hard for us missing Noah! It has been 5 years and yet it seems like yesterday Noah was here with us! Today has been a day of crying for me. I just can't hold it in. Somedays are good and some are hard. I just miss my Noah!!! He is free with Jesus and I heard two heaven songs today on the radio and then I went to Brianna's page on Journey To Me adoption journal and there was a pictures of Jesus holding Brianna. I pictured right away Noah sitting with Jesus! It is an amazing picture if you want to see it go to..
http://www.journeytome.com/journal_view.cfmjournalid=701&entry=42395
Sorry it's a long websight or just go to Journey to Me and click on Brianna under China!
We are hoping even today to find out if we are out of renap with our adoption process with Esther! We are so excited to go and bring her home!!!! It could be around thanksgiving or hopefully for sure before Christmas! All in God's timing!
God is bringing new joy into our lives with adopting Samuel and now Esther! Kaylee and Gracie are just little princesses and they bring great joy into our lives each day too!!! God has truly blessed our family!
HAve a great day!
Love Heidi and Jason
Sunday, August 10, 2008 3:29 PM CDT
If you want to follow our journey to Esther Rose in Guatemala just go to
Journey to me
then click on Adoption Stories
Then go to Guatemala
Then go to Esther Rose
We are waiting on our birthmother interview and then we will be out of PGN! We can hardly wait! We are hoping to go in the next month to three months it looks like right now. We will be posting pictures as soon as we get updates! Little Esther is probably walking by now and I'm sure is looking more grown up since we saw her last in pics on May 30.
Please also pray especially for the Chapman family who lost their daughter to a car accident in May. You can see their recent interview on Larry KIng Live and they were also on ABC. The grieving process is just the hardest thing I have ever faced in my life. Pray for hope for them and joy to get through each day! They are such a special family and God is using them greatly in helping the orphans get home!!!! If you go to Shaohannah's Hope and google that with Steven Curtis Chapman you can get weekly prayer updates from them and many awesome materials to help start orphan ministries in your church and much more. You can give money to Maria's miralce fund also! They use their money wisely and really seek God where to give it! I trust their ministy completely!
Thank you for your continued prayers for our family!
God is faithful!!!! I am so excited that God has brought us to adopt Samuel from China and now Esther Rose soon from Guatemala!!! I can hardly wait to meet her and bring her home!!!!!
Keep dreaming!!! God has great things ahead for us all!!!! Dream outloud!!!
Love Heidi Schafbuch
Saturday, May 31, 2008 9:43 PM CDT
I just wanted to update you on our family! We adopted Samuel who has been home a year now from CHina! He is just a honey! God has really blessed us! We are so excited to say that we are in the process of adopting alittle girl named Esther Rose! She is just a doll! We can't wait to bring her home! We don't know when that will be yet. If you go to Journey to Me and then click on Adoption Stories and then go to Guatemala and Esther Rose you can follow our journey to her!
Noah has been with Jesus now for 4 and a half years now. We miss him tons and our hearts still are saddened that he's not here with us. He would be 12 years old now. Kaylee and Noah were best friends and she is still having a hard time missing her brother. Please continue to pray for healing for our hearts and all of those who have lost kids and you never get over loosing them.
God is faithful and gives us new grace for each new day!
Thank you for praying for us!!!
If anyone is intersted in adopting I would love to talk to you! It is a miracle journey!!!
God Bless, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, August 29, 2007 8:28 PM CDT
Well we have been home from China since June 1. Samuel is doing great! We would possibly like to adopt again someday! Maybe alittle girl! We will see how God leads! Our pastor and his wife actually are starting this great ministry to people who have had kids die. They are raising money right now to build a big home for people to get away to rest and refresh for a week I believe it is. They have also lost their daughter adn Judy really helped me alot when I was going through many hard days after Noah went to Heaven. If you are interested contact or call us or go to the websight at smile again ministries. It should be open in a year! It is going to be like a bed and breakfast but also they will bring in counseling if people want it or just talking to Judy and Pat is so wonderful! They are just purchasing hte land which is 15 areas and on a lake and very beautiful adn peaceful to refresh after loosing a child. Jason and I actually called Dr. Dobson to find something like this and there was no where for us to go. We were desperate to get away and get renewed!
Well have a great rest of the summer!
God BLess
Heidi and Jays
Thursday, May 17, 2007 7:04 AM CDT
I can't believe today has arrived. For those who have been following for the last year or so know that we have been going through the adoption process of a little boy from China. It has been an incredible ride that God has totally orchaestrated. Today we leave for the airport to fly to Shenyang. If you would like to follow our journey we have set up a website that we will journal. The address is www.myladybugjournal.com Click on China Families and then on our name Schafbuch and you will get to our page. Have a great day and thank you for checking in on us.
Love JAson and Heidi
Wednesday, February 21, 2007 7:13 PM CST
Hello,
Hope that you all had a nice Valentine's Day last week! I love Valentine's Day to remember God's love for us and how he is amazing! Well we are doing well and God has been doing incredible things!!!! We are so thankful for how God continues to heal our broken hearts and give us new joys. I love the verse that says "He has given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing!" We serve an awesome God!!!!
God Bless, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, January 11, 2007 4:46 PM CST
Hello Everyone! We hope that you had a nice Christmas! Well we will always miss our little Noah! The tree of Hope is coming up this weekend to remember the kids with cancer and the ones who have gone to Heaven. It is a hard thing to get through yet good to see families too who we have gotten to know through Noah's journey. Well God Bless all of you!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, November 13, 2006 12:36 AM CST
Psalms 10:17-18
"Lord, you know the hopes of the helpless. Surely you will hear their cries and comfort them.
You will bring justice to the orphans and the oppressed, so mere people can no longer terrify them."
This week on Focus on the Family and Family Life Today with Dennis Rainey they are talking about adoption! Steven Curtis Chapman who has adopted 3 little girls from China is on Family Life Today at noon here on Thursday and Friday. I can't wait each day to listen to these two programs. They were great today and tear jerkers! My heart just breaks for the orphans who are lonely, cold, hungry, and need love! My heart is full of joy to think that God has given us the privalage to be in the process of adoption! It is such a joy to me!
We are each called to do something according to God to help the orphans! Not everyone is called to adopt but there is so much we can all do. If you go to voice of the orphan.com you can get info. in many areas to get your church started on the mission to help orphans, their are many places to give money if God has blessed you that way, or to pray for the orphans, or to adopt. Their is a tax credit of $10,000 and they are trying to get it up to $15,000 soon to help families be able to adopt. There are many grants that give $1,000 all the way up to a few thousand dollars to help cover the fees. God will provide! We have seen it first hand how we had nothing going into this process and step by step a check comes! My wonderful Grandpa McReynolds who is now with Jesus loved kids so much and he paid for our whole home study plus enough to send our I600a forms in which was $700.00. God will provide so if God has put it in your heart to adopt take a leap of faith and start the process. I highly recommend All God's Children! They are honest and have a great program. It may take around 1-2 years to get your child so why put it off any longer! If God is calling start. The paper work is not that hard just takes alittle time. The orphans are crying and praying for someone to love them--someone to care. Let us pray and ask God to protect them to bring people to love them and for food and clothes for them. Let us show the world that we will love the forgotten and pray that they also will come to know Jesus personally!
My friend Kari called this morning who has adopted 2 adorable kids from China and shared these verses in Ephisians with me today!
Ephesians1:3-7
"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before he made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in his eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into his family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ. This is what he wanted to do, and it gave him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace he has poured out on us who belong to his dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that he purchased our freedom with the blood of his Son and forgave our sins."
Saturday, November 11, 2006 10:32 AM CST
God is amazing! We are working on grants today from Shaohannah's Hope and some other ones. Steven Curtis Chapman started it after they adopted their first girl from China! This next week on family life today Steven Curtis will be on speaking on adoption as well as some other people! I can't wait to listen to it on the radio! Well yesterday we went to the airport to see my friend Shiela and her husband bring home her daughter Lydia! She is very cute! It just brought tears to my eyes as they walked out with her. What a precious little girl!
Well we continue to pray for God to lead us in the adoption process! He keeps providing money and direction. It has just brought such joy to our hearts to see His plan unfold! We continue to pray as what the next step is! Please pray for all of the kids in Guatemala and orphans around the world. One girl in Guatemala recently died due to Rhodo virus. She was suppose to be adopted soon. Pray for God's hand of protection to be on this precious kids! We continue to press on in the process. I applied for my passport and Jason already has his from the mission trip this summer. We have to now get our dossier in soon! We are praying about a couple kids that we got pictures of. In God's time! Jason is good at holding me back and to make wise decisions. I see a picture and can hardly wait to bring them home! Jason says Heidi we have to wait on God and make sure that the steps we take our God showing us and not us rushing ahead.
Well thanks for your continued prayers in our adoption process and also as it is getting close to Nov. 22. Noah will never be forgotten! He is always our son and we can't wait to someday hear his voice and hold him again in our arms!
love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, October 21, 2006 10:20 AM CDT
Thank you for your continued prayers and support! This time of year for us is harder since Noah's anniversary of 3 years with Jesus is coming up. Noah sure is doing great in Heaven. I can only imagine what he is doing each day. Time is different in Heaven and when we see Noah someday it will be like we were never apart.
Well I wanted to share more about the journey that God is leading us on with adoption!!! Jason and I have reread this weekend the most amazing and encouraging book on adoption. It is a story of how God used a 16 year old girl to start All God's Children International Adoption Agency. If you haven't read it is will inspire you in your walk with God whether you are considering adoption or not. It is called The Strength of Mercy by Jan Beazely
God showed Jan and the family each step of the way what to do and even though people thought they were crazy to consider adoption they obeyed God and pressed on.
I have to tell you that most people when I mention that we are in the adoption process and waiting on God to supply the right child or children and fianaces etc. they look at me and just say well we'll pray for you or are you sure or they just say can't you have your own kids??? Why???
Well it started when I was young, God implanted the idea of adoption in my heart. My parents, Ron and Lainie McReynolds actually helped a family who couldn't afford it adopt a girl, Miranda from Bangladesh. I was prob. in 3rd grade at the time. My sister Jodi and I played with her a lot and she became like a sister to us. She was adorable and what a blessing from God. Through my parents act of obedience to God I hurt for the orphans although I really didn't know much about them.
Since Jason and I were married in 1994 God has blessed us with 3 beautiful kids. Noah who would be 10 now, Kaylee who is 8 and going to pass me up in height, and Grace Anna who is 3. They are delights to us each day! I didn't care about getting a degree and being a working women but I just wanted to a homemaker like my Mom and to have kids and be married! God gave me my desires when I met Jason.
Well through Noah's leukemia Jason's heart was opened to adoption although I didn't know God was working in this way. Jason saw kids at Children's hospital who were neglected and starving for love from their parents in their worst days. Yet some parents just dropped off their kids or were not there a lot to see their kids through chemo. etc.
Jason one day last April said to me, "Heidi it is time to start the adoption process! I could hardly believe my ears. I thought he was kidding since I had been sick for a few months with grief from loosing Noah and I don't know what else. I could harldy function at the time and cried a lot each day. Jason said that he was very serious and that I needed to call Reaching Arms for a packet of information and an appication to start. My Grandpa had just given us enough money to pay off a bill and the $350.00. I asked him a few more times to see if he was really serious about this. He was!!! He told me that we needed to adopt a boy from Guatemala! Wow! God had been working in his heart for about a year and a half at that time. When he had gone on a mission trip to Mexico he saw a very poor orphanage and his heart broke for the orphans.
Now we pray each day and wait on God to take us to the next step and use us in ways we can only imagine!!! Ann at Reaching Arms just finished up our home study for us and Nila the director just got back from Guatemala on a trip to see the orphanage that we are going to be adopting from and to find our child or kids! We are looking forward to what God showed her and what precious child God is going to bring to us! We wait on God each moment to what's next! His timing is perfect and so we wait to wait and trust in His heart! He knows!
If you haven't read this amazing book it is a book of miracles and faith!!! It will change your outlook on life and orphans and let you see how strongly God wants the orphans to be adopted!
Psalms 2:8
"Ask of Me, and I will surely give the nations as Thine inheritance, and the very ends of the earth as Thy possession."
God offers each of us a chance to be adopted into His family! Jesus went to the cross so that we can be called children of God. He made the way for our lives to have meaning and purpose here on earth!
Here's a paragraph from the book
"Adoption holds a special place in God's heart. After all, He sent His Son so that we could have the opportunity to be adopted into His family. His Son came in mercy and intervened on our behalf when we were helpless. He bought back our empty lives. He redeemed us from the ravages of sin. He gives us a pledge of our inheritance to come.
We come to God in less-than-perfect condition, scarred and hurt by the actions and choices of others. We carry an orphan's broken heart. God chooses us and offers us a place in His royal family. The Son goes before His own Father, our righteous Judge, and shows Him the nail prints in His hands and the scars still visible from the soldiers sword."
1 John 3:1
"How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!"
God's heart is for the orphans and it is His heart that breaks when he hears their cries and sees their scars. Let us all pray for and help the orphans in whatever way God leads you too. Maybe He's calling you to adopt or maybe He's calling you to pray and let your heart break for the children that He loves so dearly. Maybe He's calling you to come along side someone you know who's going to be adopting and encouarge them in the long process. What a Blessing Jason, Kaylee, Gracie, and I feel as we are called by God to adopt! Please pray for our children in Guatemala and for the orphans all over the world to come to know Jesus and to know hope!!!
May God Bless the hurting children today!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, October 2, 2006 12:42 AM CDT
I can not believe it has been so long since our last entry. You would not beleive how big Gracie is now. You almost wish yourkids did not grow up and just stayed young. Kaylee is in third grade at Stride Academy, a charter school. She absolutely loves school. Noah would be in the fourth grade this year. Obviously we still miss our little guy and a day doesn't go by that we think of him. Heidi and I are in the middle of the adoption process. When we were first married Heidi wanted to adopt and I was defintely against it. Well God worked on my heart through Noah's journey and watching other children who needed hope and love from a family. I couldn't imagine walking the road Noah did without a family by his side. So God has led us to adopt from Guatemala, we are just finishing the home study process and we wait for God's blessing in taking care of the finances. This Novemebr will be three years since our Noah went home to be with the Lord. We can not believe it has been that long. It feels just a short time ago. It is amazing how dates come and go and we remember those days by Noah's journey. Three years ago we were in Florida on Noah's make a wish. What an incredble opportunity God blessed us with. We will forever cherish those days and the blessing of health God gave Noah for that week. I guess I just wanted to write to let you know we are still here and appreciate all of our prayers. I am amazed at how many of you still check the web page. Thank you for thinking of us. May God bless your day with His presence.
Jason
Wednesday, February 8, 2006 4:38 PM CST
Romans 5:5
"For we know how dearly God loved us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love."
I love Febuary because it seems like spring is just around the corner. I love Valentines Day too coming up next week! It is a wonderful day to remember God's love for us and to show love to our families and dear friends.
May you feel God's love today!
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah
Saturday, January 21, 2006 8:53 AM CST
Happy Valentine's Day!!!
I love valentine's day because I think of how much God loves each of us. He loved each of us so much that He stretched out His arms and died for us on the cross. The dying part was not the end but He rose again from the dead and is living! He took our sins upon Himself so that we can be made clean! That's amazing love! He stooped down for us! Why would Jesus come to earth to be born to die? True Love! To save us! It's not about how good I am because I'm not good but Jesus has saved my soul. He can save anyone who desires to know Him! It's about Jesus not about "being good" We can never be good enough. It's not about going to church, doing nice things, reading your Bible. It only through Jesus and Jesus Christ alone that we are saved. The other things are good and we should do them but that's not how we get to Heaven. Jesus alone!!!!
That's good news or none of us would make it!
When you celebrate Valentine's Day remember how much God loves you and then you can truly love others! It brings a smile to my face in this world full of hard things when I think God loves me more than I can imagine! That's where joy comes in!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for loving me! You're love is amazing! When people fail me or life gets overwelming you remain the same! You will never leave me or forsake me. You died so I can live and live life to it's fullest! I look forward to what you're going to do in my life. Thank you for your unfailing love!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, January 7, 2006 5:09 PM CST
Tomorrow is the Tree of Hope for families who have lost kids due to cancer or kids are are still in the battle fighting strong. They show a slide show of kids pictures who have passed away from cancer and honor them and the kids who are still going through the chemo etc.
Well please pray tomorrow from 1-4pm for the Tree of Hope here in St. Cloud. Jason was asked to speak for a few minutes. Pray for him to have just the right words to speak to parents who have lost kids. He is going to speak alittle about our journey with Noah and cancer. Then he's going to speak on how we are doing now and what to say to other parents who have lost kids. Pray pray pray that other parents will leave encouraged and it will glorify God! Noah's story is not a depresing one although cancer is. Noah walked it with faith and Jesus by his side! He was always smiling and telling me to keep my eyes on Jesus. I could not ask for a better son! We are so proud of Noah! He didn't win in olympics or get #1 in racing his four wheeler which he loved to ride, he didn't get earthly rewards but wow did he get the ultimate reward of loving his God! He walked with Jesus and talked with Jesus. He loved his friends and all of us unconditionally. He is living with Jesus and in Heaven forever with ever good thing that is so good we can't even imagine how good!!! We love you Noah! We sure can't wait until we can hug and kiss you and walk and talk with you! It's going to happen and how are look forward to being with you again in perfection! Love, Mommy, Daddy, Kaylee, and Gracie
Thursday, December 29, 2005 8:40 PM CST
James 1:27
"Pure and lasting religion in the sight of God our Father means that we must care for orphans and widows in their troubles, and refuse to let the world corrupt us."
Adoption is so exciting!!! I am just overjoyed when I hear adoption stories! It is so exciting! My friend Kari who I've gotten to know recently is going to be leaving for China soon to adopt alittle boy Isaac. Please keep them in your prayers. He is so adorable!
I heard that in just one orphanage in China there are 500 little kids mostly girls. In China they are only allowed to have one child and they want a boy to carry on the family name so many girls are left in bathrooms, or on the street, and brought to an orphanage. It is so sad. Many people that I know are adopting or starting the process. It is so amazing!
Jesus loves adoption! He adopted us into His family when we put our trust in Him. We are His children. Adoption is God's idea!
A great organization that we've found is All God's Children! They are terrific at returning phone calls and just calling to see how we are doing even though we haven't even started the process yet. Steven Curtis Chapman has adopted 3 adorable girls from China! His new Christmas cd, "All I Really Want for Christma." just came out has the 3 girls pictures on the inside cover. Shaohannah's Hope gives people money toward adoptions. It is very expensive to adopt yet well worth the money. We are waiting on God to show us when to start and then to provide along the way. I would like to adopt two more kids if God continues to show us yes along the way. I always wanted five kids when I was young. I think it would be great to add a couple of more kids and have a bigger family! I just love kids! They bring a smile to your face and you can't stay sad to long. They really brighten up a gloomy day! Kids are great! Well thanks for your prayers for Kari and her husband as they will be leaving for China in a week or two!
Have a great evening! God Bless!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah from Heaven
Friday, December 23, 2005 5:27 PM CST
Well the last couple of weeks have not been easy ones for our family. My Grandma is now in Heaven with Jesus and Noah. She is doing great now. We miss her a lot though. Christmas time was her favorite time of the year. I'm sure that Grandma and Noah and all of the other kids who have gone to Heaven are going to have a BIG Christmas party this year!!! How I wish I could see a glimse of it. Thanks for your prayers especially for my Grandpa who was married to my Grandma for 65 years! He is 86 and she went to Heaven at 89. My Grandma and Grandpa are amazing!
When I look at circumstances, suffering, and pain I get really down. Jason has the flu for the second time in a month. He is so sick right now. My car engine is completly gone, my Grandma is gone, Noah is gone--when I think of all of this I feel very depressed. Jason reminded me to look at the positives not the negatives. It is so easy to get our eyes off of Jesus and onto our circumstances. I have been very down the last couple of weeks. Jesus is our hope each day! I just have to confess my sins of taking my eyes off of Jesus and put them back on Him. Like Peter who got out of the boat and walked on water. He sank as soon as he looked at the waves and took his eyes off of Jesus in front of him. How easy and quick it happens. In God's grace He picked him up out of the water and put him safely back in the boat. He didn't drown. Jesus will help each of us this Christmas if we are on the mountain top and everything is great or if we are in the valley. Thank you Jesus that you will never leave us or forsake us! We love you! Heidi
Wednesday, November 30, 2005 9:55 AM CST
Merry Christmas!!!
Christmas is right around the corner and such a special time of the year to remember Jesus's Birthday! Because Jesus is born we have hope and joy in this life and Heaven to come for those who know Him as their Lord and Savior.
This is also a hard time of the year for many people who have lost loved ones. My Grandma McReynolds is suffering from colon and stomach cancer. Please pray for her and my Grandpa during this very hard time. The doctor's have not given her too long to live. She said that she is ready for Heaven. She is so special. We saw her last weekend where she lives in Platteville, Wisconsin. She is so sweet and so unselfish. She was so worried about us traveling in bad weather and also because our truck broke down. She was so concerned about us when she is suffering and not feeling well at all. My Grandpa is amazing as well and said that he will take care of her the very best that he can because he loves her so much and promised her that years ago.
They both show God's amazing love going through this terrible time. Cancer is not from God. Satan is running wild on this earth destroying, killing, and causing so much pain and grief. Satan knows that his time is short so he is doing everything he can to discourage God's people. We know who wins in the end though!!!! Jesus Christ is the winner! We know the end of the story. Just read Revelation and Jesus wins!! This gives us as Christians great hope and peace in this life.
Well I sure look forward to Heaven where there is no more suffering or pain only pure joy. There will be no more death or suffering! We will live with God forever and ever. It will never end!!!! Here a small pearl or gold or diamonds are so expensive. In Heaven the streets are paved with gold. That's just the streets! I sure can't wait to see it all!
If you haven't come to know Jesus don't wait. We never know how long each of has. Once you die your eternity is forever sealed. Do you have your name written in the book of life in Heaven? Have you asked Jesus Christ the one and only God to forgive your sins and to thank Him for dying on the cross so that you can live--truly live. Then thank Him for coming into your life! He loves you so much! Jesus didn't stay dead but now lives in Heaven! He rose from the grave after 3 days. He conquered death once and for all for each of us! We win when we know Jesus!
This Christmas don't say Happy Holidays but say Merry Christmas because without Christ we wouldn't have Christmas. He is God! He created us and all of the beauty of creation around us! Just think God! He can do anything! He is God!!!!!
Merry Christmas! Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah from Heaven
Monday, November 21, 2005 5:50 PM CST
Tomorrow 2 years ago Noah went to be with Jesus! In a blink of an eye Noah went from pain to freedom forever! We miss him so much! November 22 is a sad day for us but a glorious day for Noah. It was about 6:30pm when I was talking to my wonderful Kimberly in Traverse City, MI. I went in to check on Noah every couple of minutes. He was not looking good and was on oxygen at this point. He could not talk or open his eyes. He did sqeeze my hand the night before and he could hear. I had worship music playing in his bedroom upstairs. I prayed constantly for his healing here on earth. I didn't know how I could go on if Noah was not here with me. He was such a sweetie! I did not want to live without him. When I realized that Noah was not breathing. I quickly told Kimberly to pray and I told Noah to take a deep breath. He took 2 little breaths and was gone. Kimberly and me were praying together on the phone when he went to be wiith Jesus while I was with Noah. I was talking to Jesus from earth and Noah was talking to Jesus in Heaven. I was in shock that he was gone and Noah was praising the Lord. I quickly ran to the garage to tell Jason and his Dad to help Noah is not breathing. I thought maybe there was a chance to resitate him. We looked at his tired, skinny, body and realized that he was free! Noah sure wouldn't want to come back here after being a moment in Heaven! Noah is not forgotten but will always be our son and in our hearts! We love you Noah and miss you but know that someday soon we will all be dancing on streets of gold in total peace and freedom with Jesus! We still tell people that we have 3 kids. Two are here with us on earth and one is in Heaven with Jesus really living! Through these last two hard years Jason and I are praying that soon we will be adopting. It takes about a year to adopt internationally. We are praying about when God has us to start the process! We look forward to how God is going to use us! Noah would be so happy too about adoption! He loved kids! We feel God leading us either to China or Guatamula at this point. Thanks for your prayers for us tomorrow and each day!
Thank you for everyone who writes on Noah's webpage! It really brings joy to us and encouragement to read your entries! Thank you so much!
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee and Gracie and Noah from Heaven
Tuesday, October 4, 2005 8:14 AM CDT
Can one believe that time has gone so fast. Two years ago we were in Florida swimming with the Dolphins and running the halls. What an awesome gift God had given us. A few days ago Heidi was cleaning out a cabinet and brought out all the Florida pictures what memories. I still remember standing in outpatient at Children's as the Dr told us things were not good. At this point in time we had several meetings with the Drs who told us time again that the treatments were not working. We kept fighting for every treatment there was and new ones coming up. Noah was feeling absolutely miserable at this time. Just a side note about his treatment, the Drs had informed me that if an adult would to have the chemo in their system that Noah had it would kill the adults. Noah did not just have one treatment schedule, by this time we were on plan 8 or 9. His system was being attacked both by cancer and chemo. As I stood in the outpatient talking with our Dr and listening how the treatment did not work and options were out except for a brand new idea over at the U of M that had never been tried on a child and only two adults, there was no choice, we were going to give no every chance we could. But the Drs informed us that he would have to wait two weeks because of a chemo he had in his system would not match with the treatment plan. God gave me an unbelievable peace to ask the Drs if we could go to Florida on his make a wish. It was crazy even to think about it. Noah was feeling miserable; we would be thousands of miles away from the hospital. Subconsciously at this point I knew Noah was not going to make it to his next birthday but our desire to give Noah every fighting chance outweighed any defeat we might have e felt. We went home and made a call to make a Wish to see if we could leave in two days for Fl. They did a great job in organizing our trip. The night before we were to leave Noah felt miserable and we thought we would have to cancel the trip. What fun would it be to be in Fl at a strange hospital dealing with everything? But God gave us the peace to get on the plane. And the next 7 days were intense on our family being normal. God gave us a healthy boy that week. Never once did Noah get sick or worry about going to the Hospital with fevers. We were able to do things that week I never imagined for that year. It truly was a miracle. I will never forget my son running pushing Gracie in her stroller up and down the hallway of the hotel. We were in a dream land. We went to discovery cove twice and swam with the dolphins. We went to the ocean and body surfed and collected shells, went to sea World and saw Shamoo, went to the other side of Fl to the ocean, went to Disney World and the Epcot center. Noah had more energy than his parents did. We actually stayed in Florida a couple of days longer than originally planned, did not even think we could but again God orchestrated all the hurdles to make it happen. Who would want to go home with what we were experiencing. The day came for to fly home and we did not want to go but had, the minute Noah stepped off the plane his cancer kicked in. Literally, he is the back seat feeling miserable five minutes from the airport. The hospital and clinics were all trying to get hold of us and we were rushed back into reality. God thank you for those 7 days of paradise, I will cherish them always until the day you allow me to hold him in my arms again.
Please pray for our family over the next couple of months. This time of the year is the most difficult for us. Noah went home to be with Jesus Nov 22, 03. It seems impossible that it has been 2 years already. God gives us the peace and the full knowledge of grace in our lives.
Noah, I often wonder at this point in time what we would be doing. There have been many times I needed my little helper. We finally got the girls play house built and Kaylee rides your four wheeler once in an awhile but not to your extreme. I still remember the Drs look when we told them you had a four-wheeler. You would love to go riding as much as you could. You loved to ride with your Uncle Joel and to try and find as much mud as possible. I could have used your help the last few weeks with all the fall projects. Noah we are proud of you. You have left a hole in our hearts that will never go away until we see you again. But God has plans for us here so until mommy and daddy fulfill those plans we love you and miss you greatly. Daddy is going to try and get another big buck this year to mount. Mommy wants one for the bedroom, can you believe that
Monday, September 19, 2005 7:16 PM CDT
Psalms 77:14 "Thou are the God who workest wonders thou has made known thy strength."
Kaylee loves school this year! We are very thankful! She is growing taller and looks like a young lady. She is a honey. She loves riding her bike and she is so good with Grace. She loves to teach her things and act like "the mom." It is very cute.
Gracie is talking at home all the time! When we go somewhere she doesn't say a word. She is shy. Her hair is getting really long. She makes us laugh with her funny faces!
I'm sure Noah is very proud of his cute sisters from Heaven. We sure do miss you Noah and love you so so much! Kaylee gave her heart to Jesus after Noah had a talk with her and told her that she better not wait any longer because Jesus wanted her to be in Heaven someday. Noah sure loved his sisters! How we long to be in Heaven with Noah someday!
God continues to heal our hearts from the pain of watching our child suffer so much and then to face death. Noah was not scared or afraid but he sure won the fight. He was braver than I could have imagined he would be. God gave him strenght beyond his years! God gave Noah peace and hope for each new day and a smile that I long to see again! Noah had a great smile that lit up my heart and the room!!!
Thanks for your prayers and encouragement to us! With Jesus there is hope for the future and joy in it! We will soon Noah again and be with Jesus forever. Wow!!!
Love, Heidi and Jays
Monday, August 22, 2005 4:14 PM CDT
Here's a prayer in John Piper's book called Life as a Vapor.
Lord have mercy on us
in our frail and fallible condition.
You are very powerful, and we are but grass.
We flourish and are gone.
Grant us grace to trust that You are good
in all Your works and all Your ways.
May we never doubt Your sovereignty,
even in the most painful times.
Let the bones which You have broken rejoice.
Though You cause grief, have compassion on us
according to Your steadfast love.
In Jesus name,
Amen
Today I really miss Noah. I heard a song on the radio that was from the Dad's perspective. Can you hear me God, am I getting through tonight, can you see him can you make him feel alright, can I take his place somehow --see he's not just anyone he's my son.
The song talks about the mom who's tired and she tries not to cry. It is a tear jerker if you have ever heard it before. She I drove home from my chiropractor trying to see the road through my tears.
Thanks for your continued prayers for us all. It is living a lifetime without Noah.
Love, Heidi and Jays
Sunday, July 31, 2005 3:41 PM CDT
Well right now we are praying about a lot of things. One of them is moving to a different home. We like it where we are but feel God is leading us to move. We might have our house for sale this week. Also Jason was on a mission trip to Mexico in June and went to an orphanage to minister with the youth. He really got a love for the Candy, her brother Minwell, and a boy named Adam. We are in the praying stage but feel like in the future we would like to adopt. It will be only God if we can adopt because it costs thousands. Money is not an issue for God though. I have always wanted to adopt since I was probably in High School or younger. Jason has never wanted to adopt but about a year ago he went on a skiing trip to Lutzen with the youth group. When he got home he said that he was thinking about the "A" word. I didn't know what that meant. Then he said that God had been speaking to him because many of the songs he heard on the radio was talking about adoption. We are still praying and waiting on God to adopt if we are suppose to. We are praying about Kaylee especially to see if it would be a good thing for her now or too much with everything that she has been through. Also we are praying about Mexico because it is very hard to adopt from there. Kaylee put a picture of Candy and Minwell in her dresser and she put it in a frame. Please pray that God would lead us and show us in His timing what we should do and provide as well. I am very excited about how God is going to do!!!!!! Please pray that these kids would come to know Jesus and give them a future and a hope in life and LIFE with JESUS CHRIST!!!! How exciting!!!
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah from Heaven
Tuesday, July 26, 2005 7:56 AM CDT
Joel 2:32
"Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
Well this morning I went to check on Noah's fish named blue. He usually is swimming around waiting to be fed. Noah was given this fish at the Ronald McDonald house when he was having his transplant at the University. I really liked this fish becasue it has been with us for 2 years this coming October. This morning the fish died. The girls and I were sad especially me. He was fun to take care of and had some personality for a fish. Well I could tell something was wrong with him the last week--he hasn't been eating and not swimming so good. Well I guess this is part of the grieving process that you don't want to let go of anything that reminds us of Noah. Noah really liked his fish that Grandma and Grandpa had bought him. Well we miss Noah so much and it feels like it has been so long since we've seen him and heard his voice. God has really been gracious to us to give us strength to carry on and to enjoy life each day too. In the grieving process you can feel fine one second and then boom something hits you in your memory or you see something that reminds you of Noah and then you're in tears. God has been faithful and will continue to give us His grace and mercy for each day!
Thanks for your continued prayers and support. We love checking the webpage still and do almost every day! Thanks for your notes of encouragement!
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, and Gracie
WE LOVE YOU NOAH!!!!
Saturday, July 9, 2005 7:56 PM CDT
Thanks so much for praying for Jays and the mission team. They all got back safe. They had a wonderful time in Colorado and Mexico. They went to an orphanage and to a prision there. At the prison 30 people gave their lives to Christ after the gospel was given along with dances, dramas, and performances from the teens. They had an amazing time. At the orphanage there was a girl named Candy and she really loved Jays and walked around all day holding his hand and had to sit on his lap and would not let him out of her sight. Her brother was quieter but very nice and Jays gave him his watch. I saw lots of pictures and they are adorable. Please pray for the orphans around the world. Please pray especially for Candy and her brother. She is 10 and her brother is 7. Tomorrow at Bridge Community Church at 10:30am they will be sharing their stories and how God used this to change their lives and doing their dances, dramas, and performances that they did over and over on the mission trip. We would love to have anyone come tomorrow to hear their stories. I am excited to hear them too!
Love, Heidi
Psalms 139
Monday, July 4, 2005 6:49 PM CDT
God Bless America!!!
Happy 4th of July!
Today I think of freedom. Freedom for our country but most of all and most importantly freedom for us in Christ. Because of Jesus going to the cross and dying for us and bleeding and dying for us because of His great love for us we have true freedom. We have hope and joy in this life in the good times and the terrible times. We have real and true freedom. We can have peace in our lives and not bondage because Jesus has won and when we know Jesus we are on the winning team!
As I think back to the fouth of July 2 years ago I remember Noah in his hospital room so so sick and in so much pain that he could barely talk. He looked terrible but during this time of pain he made the most incredible poster that I have hanging above the computer. I have shared about this before and I should will try to get it on the computer soon. It says Jesus is my helper. Jesus died for you on the cross. Jesus can do a miracle. I Love You alot Jesus. Love Noah.
That fourth of July Jays and Noah spent it together at Children's Hospital. The girls and I spent it with Jason's parents going to the fireworks in Stillwater. I was trying to enjoy it but all I could think of was Noah suffering and I wanted so much to be with Noah too but he needed quiet at that time. Noah wanted Jays there all of the time and Jays was better with the nurses and doctors as to all of his medicines and direction as what to do. I tended to panic more and Jays was calmer.
Happy 4th and God Bless You! His love is amazing!
Please pray for Jays as he is on a mission trip for over a week so far. They are gone to orphanages and prisions with 5,000 inmates. Please continue to pray for protection and also that people will give their hearts to Jesus. My cousin Katrina and her daughter are staying with me and we are having lots of fun. God really gave me Katrina during Noah's leukemia as my huge prayer warrior and encouragement to me during. We have been best friends since we were little! I am blessed to have someone like her in my life! Kaylee is having a blast with Ella. Grace has been alittle cranky and says at night I miss Daddy. We all do! Thanks for your prayers for Jays and the other 19 people on the mission trip!~
Love, Heidi
Monday, June 20, 2005 12:56 AM CDT
Happy Father's Day!!!
Noah was truly a Daddy's boy! He was a mommy's boy until about 3-4 years old and then he wanted to be just like Jays. When Noah was born the first thing that I thought was this is a little Jason. He looked just like him. Noah and Jays had a very special relationship during Noah's treatment. Jason did all of his doctoring while I had a baby and kept Kaylee's life as "normal" as it could be I guess. Jason is a terrific Dad and husband to me. He is a blessing from God to our whole family! Kaylee is now a Daddy's girl and wants to be with him as much as possible. She missed time with him while Noah was sick so she is making up for it. Noah was Jason's shadow and now Kaylee is too. Gracie is still a mommy's girl though so that is nice for me. She is a comfort and joy to us all! She really loves Daddy lots! Happy Father's Day Jays! I'm thankful for how you've pulled us all through and had wisdom from God each step of the way! I am thankful for you today!
Love, Heidi (your girl)
Saturday, June 4, 2005 7:58 PM CDT
Psalms 57:10
"For thy mercy is great unto the heavens, and thy truth unto the clouds."
Well Kaylee has been done with school for the past week. I like having her home and spending more time together. Jays is building the coolest playhouse for the girls. Grace talks about it every day. It is close to being done. The siding is on and the roof is done and 3 out of the 4 windows are done. There is the porch to finish, the doors, painting and then the inside. It's really special for Kaylee and Gracie.
Well God is helping us through every day. We miss Noah every day and some days are harder than others but God has really pulled us through as He promised He would. I think of what Corrie Ten Boone said in the hiding place that "There is no pit so deep that God isn't deeper still."
I got together with a bunch of mom's from Children's 8th floor (which is the cancer floor) It was so nice to see them all and we all connect so well because we understand what each other are going through. Most of the mom's that we're there have lost our kids but a couple of the mom's are still in the battle of chemo, hospital stays etc. It is a hard journey and harder still when you no longer have them to hold in your arms. Please pray for us all! Well I read something good at Northwestern bookstore. It said...
No Jesus No peace
Know Jesus Know peace
That is very true. I have a great peace each day as I face my life without Noah here with me. I know for sure that I will see Noah again and that God has been so good to us. Jesus never told us this life would be easy but He did promise to walk with me and to never leave me or forsake me. I grieve and cry with peace in my heart yet our hearts will always hurt for our loss of Noah with us here on earth. We cry with joy that we will run with Noah again in Heaven. I thank God for the peace that He brings or I would give up and quit. Jesus is our hope and joy!!!!
Love, Heidi and Jays
Saturday, May 7, 2005 10:28 PM CDT
The year was 1996. Heidi and I lived in Minnesota and we were actually inbetween churches at the time. Heidi was expecting with our first child. We decided we were not going to find out uf it was going to be aboy our girl until the baby arrived. This child gave Heidi a difficult time. Many times inthe third tri we were off to the hospital because we thought the baby was coming. But they were just false contractions and back home we would go. We remember Heidi's Dr office was in teh Foshey tower in downtown Minneapolis and we looked forward to going because tehy ha the best rice crispy bars there. On May 7th Heidi got false contractions again and off to the hospital we went. Late that night when it was about time for us to go home they told us they were going to induce Heidi the next morning so we stayed in our room at Abbott Northwestern Hospital and waited and waited. Early in the afternoon on May 8th a baby of 10 pounds was born. It turned out to be a boy and his name Noah Jay Schafbuch. A proud introduction into our family, our first child. As Heid wrote earlier Noah, out of our three children was probably the strongest picture of health. So on Dec 17th when they diagnosed him with cancer it took us totally by suprise. Today May 8th we celebrate Noah's ninth birthday. You can't help but to wonder what would his life be like here on earth. How would he be doing in school. Who would be his closest friends. How much laughter would he bring with all his antics. How much love would spill from his life into ours.
I don't have the words anymore to communicate where Heidi and I are at. To b honest we probably don't know either. This weekend is difficult but by God's grace and love He will bring us through. Please continue to pray for us for comfort. We miss Noah so much. You just wait for the bad dream to be over so we can wake up and the five of us cconyinue on inour love for each other. But the dream doesn't end. Only four of us here on earth. That knowledge hurts. Thanks for checking in.
Love Jason and Heidi
Hey Buddy Happy Birthday. Wow nine years old can hardly believe it myself. You grew so fast from a baby to a handsome young man. Noah we wish we could hug you on your birthday but just know Noah we love you so much. Man do we miss you. I am findly geting around to building your sisters play house. I sure could use a good helper. You loved to help in any project you could. I miss that Noah. You made us so proud of your love for Jesus. I can ahrdly wait to hold you in my arms again. I remeber all the times yo would try and sit in my lap and I would play the game so it was hard for you to sit down and you would turn around and give me this look that was so funny. You had a way of making people laugh even in the most serious of moments. So many memories that I hold dearly buddy. I remember for you sixth birthday we bought that rocket man did you love to see that thing fly high in the air and the all the footsteps to recover it. Your fifth birthday we celebrated in Nashville. And we went to that one place that had all kinds of games to play. Your sisters miss you too buddy. Even Gracie talks about you all the time. Noah you would be proud of our girls . All three of them look beautiful and their hair is identical. Really easy to tell that they are our girls Noah. Your sisters are going to miss having their big brother protect them. You sure did leave me in a spot though Noah, I could use some help once in awhile with all the emotions around here:-) I love you buddy and I miss you. Don't worry one day mommy and daddy's hearts won't hurt anymore. God promises one day there will be no more tears but until then keep runnin those fine streets and loving our awesome God. You rock Noah
Love your daddy
The following I got from Zach Buckentine webpage.
We Do Not Need A Special Day
We do not need a special day
To bring you to our minds.
The days we do not think of you
Are very hard to find.
Each morning when we awake,
We know that you are gone.
And no one knows the heartache
As we try to carry on.
Our hearts still ache with sadness,
And secret tears still flow.
What it meant to lose you
No one will ever know.
Our thoughts are always with you.
Your place no one can fill.
In life we loved you dearly,
In death we love you still.
There will always be a heartache,
And often a silent tear,
But always a precious memory
Of the days when you were here.
If tears could make a staircase,
And heartaches make a lane,
We'd walk the path to Heaven
And bring you home again.
We hold you close within our hearts,
And there you will remain,
To walk with us throughout our lives
Until we meet again.
Our family chain is broken now,
And nothing seems the same,
But as God calls us one by one,
The chain will link again.
~Author Unknown
Friday, May 6, 2005 9:51 PM CDT
We just wanted to ask for special prayers for us all as this Sunday, is Noah's Birthday. May 8, 1996 Noah Jay Schafbuch was born into this world. He was a perfect looking baby and looked just like Jason. He was perfectly healthy and full of energy and life! He was a blessing to our family! He had dark hair and a lot of it and bright blue eyes! People everywhere said he looked like a Gerber Baby. People told be that he was the picture of health. He had personality plus and also kept me up many hours of the night as a little one. He would get into everything as a toddler. He turned four and he became the sweetest boy I have ever known. Then we moved to Sartell which was hard on him because he loved Traverse City and loved his teacher Mrs. Tapia and his wonderful friends! He was very sad to move but God used it for good because through that hard time on especially Noah and me, Noah gave his life to Jesus shortly after we moved here. We were driving past our paper mill and talking about Heaven adn what it is like. I asked Noah if he was ready to give his life to Jesus and he said no I am to scared. Well God sure did a work in Noah's heart because shortly after that he asked me how he could give his heart to Jesus and I told him that it's not by doing "good things" but only by Jesus. We can pray and ask Jesus to forgive us of our sins and thank him for dying for us on the cross. We can ask Jesus to come into our lives and live in us. I told him that it doesn't matter how you say it but that you are giving your life to God. Noah did this later that day. How excited I was to hear that he prayed all by himself and later told me of his decision to follow Christ at the age of 6 years old. I have a necklace that I love to wear with the date Dec. 2003 when Noah gave his life to Jesus Christ! It is in the shape of a heart because Noah gave his HEART to God!!! What more could I ask for than for my son to know Jesus and now to live in Heaven with Jesus. I miss him terribly now but I know and have full confidence that I will see him again!
Noah's birthday is May 8, 1996 and his spiritual birthday is Dec of 2003. His homegoing to be with Jesus Nov 22, 2004
Thanks for your prayers~
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, and Gracie
Monday, April 25, 2005 9:45 PM CDT
Kaylee gave me alittle devotional for Christmas by Chuck Swindoll. Today's quote fit my feelings pretty well. It says, "When we are lonely, we need an understanding friend. Jesus is the One who "sticks closer than a brother." When we are lonely, we need strength to keep putting one foot in front of the other-Jesus is the One "who strengthens me."
Today as I went through my busy day I really missed Noah! It feels like it has been so long since I have seen his face and heard his little sweet voice! We really miss our Noah! I went through some pictures to find for my chiropractor who has never met Noah but heard about him. She wants to see some pictures and I so I searched through piles of pictures. It brought back so many memories with Noah and how I miss him SO SO MUCH! Without God I just don't know how people can even make it. I just feel lonely for Noah and so I felt like God said you have me and that is enough. I know I will be dancing in Heaven someday with Noah but for now Jesus is enough! He is my best friend!
Thanks for praying for us and sharing in our journey!
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, and Gracie
Thursday, April 7, 2005 12:36 AM CDT
Isaiah 40:31
"Those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength. They shall mount up with wings like eagles. They shall run and not grow weary they will walk and not be faint."
We are having this verse put on Noah's grave stone. We are going tonight to finalize it. It is very hard to do but it is going to be very special. An artist in the area created an amazing picture with Noah with his arms outstretched on the water with a strong eagle soaring above him with clouds. It looks like a bit of Heaven. On the top of his grave stone it says, "I'M FREE." It has his birthdate and the day of his last day on earth and first day running the streets of Heaven. It has Kaylee and Gracie name on it too. Noah sure loved his special sisters!!! We want his headstone to be special for us and family along with what was most important to Noah and that is God. When people walk by and see Noah's tombstone I want them to see that here's a boy who knew Jesus personally. He counted every day on Jesus's help to get him through when he was sick. He had a quiet peace like his name means each day on earth going through hard days and good days. He had the joy of the Lord! His grave sight is down in the cities at Hillside Cememtary. We are hoping that it will be done so we can take it down on his birthday on May 8. Thank you for your continued prayers! We still love to read peoples entires to us about Noah. If you knew Noah if you want to could you write special memories on the web that you remember. It would be special to us since Noah would be 9 years old. Thanks so much!!
Love, Jays, Heidi, Kaylee, and Gracie
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 3:09 PM CST
John 10:10
"The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly."
What is our world coming to? It really scares me in the case of Terri Schiavo. Please pray that they will allow the feeding tube to be put back in to her stomach today! She needs a miracle to live right now. Her family says that she is fading away quickly. They are murdering her and taking away food and water! I am very saddened and angry that anyone would be this cruel to a living human being. We need to pray for God to heal her and do what only God can do. This not only affects Terri but all of those disabled people who cannot talk for themselves. It affects the old and the weak. Jesus is the Ressurection and the Life and Easter is coming Sunday and it is a good reminder for us to remember that He gave His Life for us so that we can have hope and Life! Yes there is hope for those who know Jesus personally beyond this life but it is not our job to take someone's elses life because they are not perfectly "normal." This is deception from Satan. He is a great deciever and we need to read the Bible and to know that truth. In the ten commandments it clearly states not to murder and this is what's being done. It is a sin issue! God must be very saddened and angry upon what the judges are ruling.
Noah could not talk either at the end but he could respond by squeezing our hands. It was terrible to watch but we did everything possible to give him Life in our power. Taking away food and water is terrible to anybody living. She can smile and her face lights up the room when her parents come in to it. I saw pictures of her smiling! Please pray for her healing and people to not be decieved but to see the truth! Pray for the feeding tubes to be placed back in before more damage is done or she dies.
Love, Heidi and Jays
Monday, February 7, 2005 10:57 AM CST
Revelation 21:4
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying; and there shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
Chuck Swindoll had a message on the radio today on death. When someone dies everything changes for the people left behind but the death of the person is unchanging. Death spares none. We all have to face it. Death is a subject no one wants to talk about.
I was talking to my Mom the other day and she said something good that has stuck in my mind. She said that we are in the land of the dying but Noah is in the land of the living. Wow! Noah is in the Land of the Living!!! He is safe and full of joy and worshipping God. He is alive forever! He is living. His last breath on earth was his first breath in Heaven with Jesus Christ! We miss Noah so much each day. Kaylee and Noah were best of friends and Kaylee really misses Noah so much! Please pray especially for her these days.
Do you know Jesus Christ personally? Have you given Him your life? He loves you so much and died just for you so that your sins could be forgiven! What a gift of life for us so that when our bodies die we go straight up to be with our Father in Heaven! Jesus Christ conquered death on the cross so that we go from living to really living! Those that choose to live life without God are going to go from this life to a much worse reality that is unchangable. Once you die that is the end of your choice to follow God. The Bible makes it very clear that Hell is a reality and that Heaven is a reality. I can't imagine why people don't choose God for it is choosing Life Forever!!!! It is like choosing to go on vacation to the most beautiful paradise that you can imagine or choosing to live in poverty with no food, clothing, or heat in minus 40 degrees below zero. Which would you choose. One leads to death and the other to life and perfect joy!
Where do you want to spend your eternity?
Revelation 22:5
"And there shall be no night there. They need no lamp nor light of the sun, for the Lord God gives them light. And they shall reign forever and ever."
Saturday, January 22, 2005 8:08 PM CST
Psalms 90:1
"Lord, You have been our dwelling place in all generations."
Well the girls have been feeling much better lately! Tonight there cousin Paul is over playing and Gracie keeps giving him lots of hugs. Kaylee keeps reading the little ones lots of stories.
We are doing pretty well these days. One day at a time. God gives us one more day to walk with Him and so we are thankful for one more day. It means one day closer to being home with Jesus and to hold Noah again! We sure can't wait. Grace and Kaylee are really growing up. Kaylee is getting so tall and mature and Gracie is just alittle cutie. We are enjoying their ages. We wish that they could always stay little.
Thanks for your prayers for our family! God is good to get us through each day. Noah's birthday is coming up in May 8. He would be 9 years old! He was so handsome and such a sweet boy! We sure do miss you Noah! We dream about what you are doing in Heaven each day and how you look now. We sure love you and miss you so much in our house making us all laugh! You had quite a sense of humor! You will always be my favorite boy in the whole world!
May God Bless you all!
Love, the Schafbuchs
Saturday, December 25, 2004 10:57 PM CST
Merry Christmas, we hope today was a special time today with friends and family. So much of me wants to celebrate and rejoice in this season. In the wonderous gift that was given to us thorugh a baby 2000 years ago. It is not about happy holidays but about Merry Christmas. It is not about opening presents but celebrating Christ's birth and as our family celebrates this special season our hearts break. When the whole family got together today something was missing in this celebration. It was not the whole family but a broken family. A broken family that will never be whole until the day Christ returns for those who love Him. And on that day will our family be made whole.
Today was more difficult than I thought it would be. It was a great time with family. But it was a broken time. I wish I had the space to somehow communicate the process Heidi and I go through each day. To somehow be more transparent with our lives. To be able to communicate the hope we know and the peace we feel with Noah no longer suffering, the laughter we remember he would bring, the knowledge that one day we will be reunited with Noah, man it brings smiles to ur faces and gets us through the days. But then there are days like today where we suffer in anguish in not being complete. Noah was not there to open his gifts to sing in Christmas programs. I remember as Heidi and I looked for gifts for the girls spending so much time in the boys toys looking for toys that Noah would love to have this year. The favorite toys we would buy were the ones he loved to do with me. I remember one of his favorite was when he turned six and we bought him a rocket. He so much loved to shoot that rocket off and watch it fly so high in the sky and then wait for it to come back to earth and not knowing where it was going to land. Noah loved toys but man did he love people more. As I quick look back at the words I wrote I realize that most peolple are probably lost in my thought pattern. But to be honest with you this entry is probably more for me than you.
As each day comes and goes the pain will slowly dimminish in its severity. It will become bearable to remember, to reflect upon one of God's gracious gifts to our family, Noah. But one thing will always remain we will always be a broken family while on this earth. We were not created for this pain, to endure this pain. We were created to walk in harmony with God, not to know death, not to know separtion from love. But because of man's original sin and our sin, pain has entered the world.
Can I challenge you with one thing this season. As you are with family and friends pay attention to those who are hurting. I can guarantee they want to talk about their pain way more than any football game or movie or something trite. This time of the year is difficult for many people, look for those people seek them out and love on them, cry with them, hurt with them and just listen. You are not going to solve their problems but maybe just maybe God can use you to help make the days a little more peaceful.
There is song out there that helps me immensely. It talks about each blessing we will turn back to Himin praise and that God gives adn takes away and how blessed His name is. teh song is as follows
Blessed Be Your Name
by Matt Redman
- - -
Blessed Be Your Name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's 'all as it should be'
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name
Every blessing You pour out
I'll turn back to praise
When the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name
You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
It is hard to believe that someone loves Noah more than Heidi and I do, but yet God loves my son way more than I ever could which blows me away because my whole being hurts and crys out because of the separation of the physical presence of our love. How is there a greater love, but yet there is. Noah is enjoying his purpose in life way more than we ever could here.
God Blessed Be Your Name for your love for Noah
Thank you for your continued love and support.
We love you
Jason and Heidi
Merry Christmas Noah, I can't imagine what it is like to celebrate Jesus birth in Heaven. Talk about a party. Noah we miss you so much this Christmas. Hope you did not eat too much sugar :-) You would be so proud of your sisters. They are growing so quickly. Kaylee is reading so good and Gracie is talkin a mile a minute. Sometimes daddy has to escape to a different room because of all the female talk. I could use another male in the house to help balance it out a little. But hey Noah you know with 6 more guys you and I would still be outnumbered. Noah we are so proud of you and how you endured so much and you always thought of others before yourself. Noah we love you and we can not wait to give you a huge hug. Maybe we will try and sneak a Christmas present up to ya when we see ya next, any requests :-) Merry Christmas Buddy
Tuesday, December 21, 2004 9:53 PM CST
God loves you so much that He gave His life for you! Just think of it-- Jesus came to be born into this sinful world as a baby. He was fully God and yet fully man. He came not only to be born but to die. Praise God Jesus didn't stay dead but rose from the dead conquering death once and for all. Why did He do this? Because He loved you!!! Now that's love!!! You are not a mistake. God made you because He loved you so much to die for you on the cross. He put you on this earth for a purpose! You are loved by the God of the universe! He created you and loves you more than you can imagine. John 3:16
This poem is by Russell Kelfer
You are who you are for a reason.
Your part of an intricate plan.
You're a precious and perfect unique design,
Called God's special women or man.
You look like you look for a reason.
Our God made no mistake.
He knit you together within the womb,
You're just what he wanted to make.
The parents you had were the ones he chose,
And no matter how you may feel,
They were custom-designed with God's plan in mind,
And they bear the Master's seal.
No, that trauma you faced was not easy.
And God wept that it hurt you so;
But it was allowed to shape your heart
So that into his likeness you'd grow.
You are who you are for a reason,
You've been formed by the Master's rod.
You are who you are, beloved,
Because there is a God!"
May you have a blessed Christmas! Merry Christmas from Jays, Heidi, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah from Heaven
Jesus is the Reason for the Season and for our lives!
Friday, December 10, 2004 10:54 AM CST
WORRY
ANXIETY
PANIC
FEAR
Do these words describe your life. Well they do mine. I have really been dealing with fear each day. What will happen to Kaylee and Grace. What will happen to Jays or me. Bad news has to be coming since we've had so much of it lately and on and on.
I know God desires for us to live in peace and joy but I have not been feeling this for quite awile. I heard a message yesterday and today that are excellent on fear and worry. If you are dealing with this you might want to call insight for living and get a copy of his tapes. He talked about a bike for two and how when we want to be in control of our lives and living in constant fear of how we are in the front and Jesus is in the back. We lead the way but still want Jesus to be with us helping us get through. That's where I've been. Chuch says it so much better so you really have to hear the tape but how life changes when Jesus is in the front and we are going wherever He leads. Sometimes when we come to a scary situation and we look back and Jesus says with a smile I'm here just pedal. I will get you through. I know the way. I know how to fly over cliffs. I know how to turn in the sharpest corners. I am leading you so don't be afraid. Your job is to trust me where I'm taking you and pedal. Don't stop pedalling. Enjoy the breeze on your face and remember who is in control. No, it's not going to be all easy roads but I am with you and I love you and I am staying on the bike with you. So don't fear! I am here!
Jesus loves us even in our worry but doesn't want us to stay here. My prayer is for me is that I will trust in God because He is in control and He is with me on this journey. I am not alone and I pray that peace and joy will fill my life and that fear and anxiety will fade away.
Love, Heidi
We love you all and pray that God will by your joy today!
Wednesday, December 8, 2004 1:16 PM CST
Well the last couple of days have been days of trusting God once again and praying a lot. Kaylee got a temp on Friday night and it kept dragging on each day not improving. We took her to a doctor on Monday and they did blood tests and strep and checking out everything. Her blood work came back not looking too good. Of course we think the worst when the doctors appear alittle concerned. They said well come back Thursday for another blood test to see if it's improved. Well Kaylee fever went higher so we took her to a different doctor the next day (Tuesday) and she said it looked like Fifth's disease which is a virus and goes away by itself. Jason didn't feel comfortable with her answer so last night her temp went up again so he took her to urgent care and they said that she has mono.
We were relieved to know this and concerned as well. Please pray that Kaylee gets over this quickly and with no problems. Jason and I might have it as well. Please pray that Gracie doesn't have it too. She seems okay so far. I guess kids handle it better than adults but it's still a worry. Thanks for your prayers for us all! We can't make it through a day without God's grace and your prayers.
Love, Heidi and Jays
"Fear not for I am with you. Do not be afraid. I will strengthen you, I will help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Sunday, November 28, 2004 6:49 PM CST
Noah's one year anniversary in meeting Jesus face to face was last week Monday on Nov. 22. Noah is so special to us and is alive and well today with Jesus Christ! He is free and is finally Home! We miss him more than words can express but have the hope of Heaven and the hope of seeing him and living with Noah forever someday when Jesus calls us home as well. Noah was amazing in his walk with Jesus and gave us all encouragement to get through his battle with cancer that he won even though it was not the way we prayed it would turn out. We want him back with us each day but know that Noah would not want to come back after he has seen perfection and Jesus face to face. The song by FFH called Fly is a very special song to us about Noah. He was ready to Fly to Heaven. Noah would say that he just wanted not to be sick anymore and he wanted to go to Heaven a few times to me over the year. He told Kaylee about Jesus and was very concerned about Gracie giving her life to Jesus. He loved his sisters so much! Daddy meant everything to Noah and they had a extrememly close Father Son relationship! I never had a brother and always wanted one and I was so happy to have a son along with my wonderful 2 daughters! Noah was the best boy in the entire world to me!!! He is priceless! We all have pain each day that Noah is not here with us in person but have hope that he is with Jesus and we will see him again. Above all of Noah's family Noah loved Jesus and trusted in His unfailing love. Jesus was Noah's best friend ever and he has left a legacy that we can each learn by. Thank you Noah for your faith in God even when you went through so much. Your love for Jesus and your honesty was more than refreshing to us all. We miss you honey and you will always be in our thoughts and in our lives here! We can't wait to see you someday in Heaven and to laugh again and see your smile! We love you Noah!!!!
Love, Mommy, Daddy, Kaylee, and Gracie
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 11:17 AM CST
I read this today on a e-mail from Rebecca St. James.
" There is a fear in me, a fear that pops up from time to time. It is this: That I might because of something I've done or not done, loose my love for God. That fear just came to my mind, bringing with it horrible and desolate feelings. The thought reminds me of the insecurities I felt while living in the "little house"
* Just now the Holy Spirit reminded me that neither height nor depth, nor the sword nor death--nothing can separate me from the love of Jesus. "Depth" especially speaks to me because it insinuates that no valley or hard time could draw me away from His love. It is so comforting to know this!"
1 John 4:18,19
Is. 41:10
Mark 4:35-41
John 14:27
Romans 8:35-39
Rebecca St. James is a christian musician and is one of my favorites. She has a strong message and yet very upbeat and contemporary! She stands on the truth from the Bible and teaches youth to stay pure and wait for sex until committed in marriage and then stay faithful to your spouse after marriage. She was on tv this morning on the 700 club. Her new book called "SHE" is out now. She talks honestly and openly about issues women of all ages face in our society today. I am looking forward to reading it as well. May God Bless you with His unfailing Love Today!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, November 14, 2004 4:58 PM CST
"It has been said that a child who looses a parent is an orphan, a man who looses a wife a widower, a women who looses her husband is a widow. There are no names for a parent who looses a child, for there are no words to describe this pain."
We read this on Connorstokes webpage. Well we just got back from a week of hunting for Jason and for a break for the girls and me. Jason parents came too for a few days. It is always nice to get away and rest. We went swimming at Breezy point resort and did crafts and watched I love lucy and just rested. The pain of loosing Noah remains though. As we are nearing a week from tomorrow a flood of emotions overwelms us each day. All of the emotions and pain of what Noah had to endure is showing itself in how Jason and I are feeling. Sometimes it's hard to breath for Jason and other times I feel like I'm going to black out. It is not a fun feeling. This time last year was the worst where Noah couldn't see well and was slowly fading away in front of our eyes. If you would have seen him you would know what we mean. His eyes looked so bad that I felt sick to look at them and wanted so badly to fix it with medicine or a miracle and nothing happened until Nov. 22 when Noah met Jesus face to face! He was then healed forever and doesn't have to suffer in this world anymore. He was free with Jesus forever! We are thankful today that he gave his life to Jesus at his young age and lived a short life but powerful life of faith in Jesus that still brings tears to peoples eyes when I share things that Noah told me or how he lived through his terrible nightmere that is beyond what I ever thought kids had to endure.
Today is a very special person's birthday! My cousin Katrina Nelson was my strength and support going through Noah's long year of chemo and radiation and then going to see his King face to face. Happpy 32nd Birthday Katrina today--we are only a month and a day apart in age. (so I can say her age ha ha)
You are a gift from God to me Katrina! Thanks for being there in our pain and having faith that God is in control and can do anything because He is God!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, November 2, 2004 7:06 PM CST
You, O God, will never leave me. Never will you forsake me. (Heb. 13:5) You are the only absolute guarantee I have in all of life. Help me cling to the one thing I can never loose.
I think of the song by my uncle, Steve Camp called He is all you need.
Some of the words are--
when you're alone and your heart is torn, He is all you need
when your confused and your soul is bruised, He is all you need
He'll be faithful to you though your heart is untrue and your love's grown cold
His forgiveness is real to comfort and heal your sin weary soul
Through all the years the joys and tears, He is all you need
Jesus is all you need.
Saturday, October 30, 2004 8:34 PM CDT
"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the Heavens, your faithfulness to the clouds."
These days have been extremely hard for us as we come up to a year on Nov. 22. We are thankful that God's faithfulness is what is getting us through and when we feel like we cannot make it, He carries us in His loving arms. Thank you for your prayers and love to us. We are so thankful for people who care so much for us that God has put in our lives. We are relieving a lot of memories that happened this time last year with Noah and now we are going on without Noah.
Jason had a dream a few months back about Noah saying to him Daddy I can't come back and tell people about Jesus but you can. Tell everyone about Jesus's love for them so they can come to Heaven too. It was a short but special dream to us all and so true. I pray that if you have never given your life to Jesus Christ that you would today. John 3:16 is such a great verse. Jesus loved you and died for you so that if you put your faith in Him you will not perish in Hell but live in Heaven forever with God! Just pray and ask God to come into your heart and surrender your will to His. Life is not easy always but God will carry you through.
By God's Grace,
Heidi and Jason Schafbuch
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 9:00 PM CDT
I was reading a book tonight called A Grace Disguised--How the soul grows through loss by Jerry Sittser
This book has been recommended by people who have lost kids and are dealing with grief and they all have said that it is the best book they have ever read on grief and very helpful.
I was reading the chapter called The Silent Scream of Pain
I will just write a couple of quotes from this chapter
--"People who suffer loss feel unspeakable pain. At times it seems almost unbearable."
--"Denial puts off what should be faced. People in denial refuse to see loss for what it is, something terrible that cannot be reversed. They dodge pain rather than confront it. But their unwillingness to face pain comes at a price. Ultimately it diminishes the capacity of their souls to grow biggier in response to pain."
--"I was angry at God, too. At times I scoffed at the vain notion of praying to God or, conversely, of cursing God, as if one or the other would make a difference. At other times I cried out to God in utter anguish of my soul.
--"Anger, like denial or bargaining or binges, is simply another way of deflecting the pain, holding it off, fighting back at it. We refuse to let the pain in and experience it for the hell it is. But the pain of loss is unrelenting. It stalks and chases until it catches us. It is as persisitent as wind on the prairies, as constant as cold in the Antarctic, as erosive as a spring flood. It will not be denied and there is no escape from it. In the end denial, bargainings, binges, and anger are mere attempts to deflect what will eventually conquer us all. Pain will have its day because loss is undeniably, devastatingly real."
*This was just a glimpse into this book. I hope that if you are suffering each day like we are with grief that this book will give you help in your grieving process. This book shows the extreme suffering that Jerry went through after loosing a mom, wife, and 4 year old daughter in a sudden car accident. He is very honest into his pathway of suffering and grieving. I am finding this book to be a great help to know that I am normal for feeling how I feel and Jason feels.*
THanks for your prayers as this time right now is extremely difficult for our family!
Only by God's Grace are we making it.
Heidi, Jays, Kaylee and Gracie
Sunday, October 17, 2004 8:36 PM CDT
Psalms 23
"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want."
In our culture it is very hard to not want things. It is a trap of the world that we need to spend more, buy more, to be happy. We are guilty of it as well. This verse says that when we have Jesus He is enough for us. That we should not "want" but to be content with what we have. God has promised to supply all of our needs. This verse was a good reminder to me tonight that Jesus is enough and with Him as our shepherd we should be content.
We love you and thanks for your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, October 13, 2004 9:30 PM CDT
Shout for joy, O Heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song,, O mountain! For the Lord comforts His people and will have compassion on His afflicted ones.
Isaiah 49:13
Thanks for praying for the dog situation. God is working it all out. We decided to keep Boyd Bear. Kaylee is much happier now.
Well this verse really was comforting after a very busy day today.
Please pray pray pray for a couple trying to adopt kids from a different country. I can't say details but please PRAY! PRAY! PRAY!!!
I might be able to write more details later but first need to get permission. God knows the request and every detail so please just pray and pray often. It matters in eternity! Thanks so much!!!
Love, Heidi and Jays
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 9:37 PM CDT
This a prayer request for Kaylee tonight. We have to get rid of our dog Boyd Bear due to circumstances. Please pray for Kaylee especially as Boyd was Noah's special dog and now Kaylee's comfort. We don't know what else to do and are overwelmed by this tonight. We found a nice Mom and daughter who loves him and will take good care of him but we are still sad. Thanks for your prayers for Kaylee as there have been many tears. She says that we can't get rid of him because he is part of the family.
Thanks for your prayers tonight~
Heaven will be wonderful-How lucky Noah is now!!!!
Monday, October 11, 2004 10:27 PM CDT
Psalms 18:16-19
"Reach down from on high, my God and my Redeemer, and take hold of me! Draw me out of deep waters. Rescue me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who are too strong for me! My enemy has confronted me in the day of my disaster, but You, Lord, are my support! Bring me to a spacious place; rescue me because You delight in me!
I love the part in the verse that says you are my support! When life falls apart and you feel you can't go on--God will not let you fall. He is our support. Satan is real and he wants us to fail and to be defeated in this life but we can cling to God's Word and win!!! God is more powerful than Satan. God will win and does win! When you give your life to Christ you will win. Without Christ in our lives we would loose---loose everything. It is so hard for me to understand why people don't want to surrender to God. With God you have life and a future in Heaven. It is a much better place than the best Carribean Cruise you could imagine. Why do people reject God when you get everything with God? Why would people want to spend an eternity in Hell--where it is worse than the worse nightmere you could imagine.
Jesus is reaching out to you with loving arms open wide! How He loves you and desires for you to give your life to Him. He gave His life for you! Come to Jesus!
People that love Jesus are not perfect by any means. We still struggle with sin each day and do sin. God forgives us and looks at us as clean and forgiven. People that love God and know God will disappoint you but God will never let you down. When people look at me I pray that they see God and not me for then they will be disappointed!
Jesus died for you --Will you live for Him?
We love you!
Heidi and Jays
Thursday, October 7, 2004 5:37 PM CDT
It is hard to believe that a year ago we were in Florida on Noah's Make A Wish. It was such an awesometime with so many memories. I remember in late September the Drs telling us there was no a whole lot they could do but they were willing to try a new experiment but because of Noah's chemo in his system would not be eligble for two weeks. I quickly perked up and asked if we could travel in which they gave us the go ahead. We had no idea how things would go. I just remeber the day before we were to go Noah did not feel the best and the day we got home he felt horrible but the whoel time in Florida Noah had an absolutely wonderful time. He could not get enough of swimming with all the fish at Discovery Cove. It truly was a God's timing that allowed us to go. No other time in Noah's treatment could we ever have thought about going.
These next few weeeks are going to very difficult, please keep us in your prayers. We so miss our Noah and his excitement for life. A lot of hard days ahead.
Love
Jason and Heidi Schafbuch
Wednesday, September 29, 2004 8:53 PM CDT
Psalms 119:76-77, 81
"May Your unfailing love be my comfort, according to Your promise to your servant. Let Your compassion come to me that I may live, for your law is my delight.... My soul faints with longing for Your salvation, but I have put my hope in Your Word."
Today I went to Penara Bread to get together with friends from the school. It is my favorite thing to do all week long. It is so encouraging to me and uplifting. Today I was just sharing some things and how it is so hard to go on without Noah when I burst into tears sobbing in Penara Bread. All of my friends gathered around me comforting me. Sometimes life gets to be so overwelming after you have lost a child.
God has given me some good friends through the school that really are there for me and help me to make it through some hard days. I have had a hard time reading the bible since Noah went to Heaven. Joy, a friend and neighbor gave me a book today by Beth Moore called praying God's Word. It deals with a chaper on despair and loss. The whole book looks very encouraging and comforting. As we are coming up on a year that Noah has been with Jesus on Nov. 22 it is getting harder and harder for Jason and me. Please pray for comfort and encouragment from God to get through these terrible days. We are all worn out and discouraged. We want to run and hide sometimes but can't. God is good to get us through and help us. Life is so hard but God is our rock. When we fall He is there with loving arms to pick us up and carry us on.
Without God I don't even want to think of where I would be these days. I desire more than anything that people would come to know Jesus Christ as there God and Savior through Noah's death. If you have given your life to Christ please let us know--it would bring us great joy to hear about how God has used Noah's suffering for good. If you don't know Jesus personally what are you waiting for. We never know if this life what each day is going to bring so why not secure your future in Christ. He will never let you go once you've trusted him. The body will die in time but your soul--the real you is protected and can never die. Praise God!!!
Love, Heidi
Thursday, September 16, 2004 3:19 PM CDT
"Vindicate me, O Lord,
For I have walked in my integrity.
I have also trusted in the Lord;
I shall not slip.
Examine me, O Lord, and prove me,
Try my mind and my heart.
For your lovingkindness is before my eyes,
And I have walked in Your truth."
Psalms 26:1-3
Today president Bush was here in St. Cloud!!! We took Kaylee out of school for part of the day and all headed bright and early to hear Bush speak! It was so exciting to see President Bush in person! He spoke on intregity and truth. He also mentioned how important the family is and marriage. That is marriage that is biblical one man and one women together forever in committed love. Bush spoke that the Almighty God is the one who gives us freedom. He is a president of trust and a man who loves the Lord and asks God for wisdom on how to lead our country. I was thinking today of Kerry who is pro choice and I thought about how God must feel when all of these babies are aborted and killed. I can't imagine the terrible feeling of killing your own child. I think of Noah and how I would have given up my life if he could been spared all of the pain and suffering that he had to go through and then his final breath here on earth. I can't imagine the guilt and suffering of women and men who choose to kill their innocent babies. Please consider what Kerry is standing for before you vote for him. As Christians we need to stand up for the truth in love. We also need to pray for Kerry that he gives his life to Jesus Christ. He is walking on a pathway to destruction not to life and freedom. I want to add that God forgives even abortions and if you have had one God is there waiting for you to ask for forgivenes and He is ready with arms open wide to love you and forgive you. Your baby is dancing in Heaven with Noah and fully alive! If you put your trust in Christ then you too can go to Heaven. Jesus says all who call upon Him will be saved.
Bush gave his life to Jesus Christ and he desires to live for him. Who are you going to choose to worship. There is only one way to life. Are you on the right path?
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, September 10, 2004 7:13 AM CDT
Kaylee is back in school now. She loves school although I miss you at home. She learns so much at the Christian school not only academic but about God's love for her. They just bought a new school so they will be starting there in a couple of weeks. Everyone is so excited about it and we are so thankful that God has provided this huge blessing. Mrs. Fremming is amazing and the best principal I have ever known! We give many thanks to her and her family for all of their sacrafices and dedication to the school.
Well Jason has been extremely busy these days with youth group starting up and also trying to finish up the new nursery at church. Hopefully October will be alittle more relaxed.
Grace and I are doing pretty good. It's basically one day at a time but God is so good to constantly remind us all that this is not our permanent home. Heaven will truly be home but for now we want to just get through one day at a time. Somedays are really rough and some we are filled with joy in the Lord. We will miss Noah forever and can't wait to see his smile again and to have him give us the tour of Heaven. It's going to happen it's just a matter when. Death is the gateway to Heaven so why do we fear it so? As Christians we are to live each day to the fullest and to live faithfully to God but when God calls us home it is not something to be feared. It's easier said then lived out though. I tend to worry too much and have to work on living without fear of what's next.
Thanks for all of your prayers for LaKota who is doing pretty well now but still can't eat and is having a lot of problems with her stomach. Her Mom and Dad have already lost kids and please pray that LaKota can live a long life in health and that this would bring more glory to God in her healing. They have been through so much and continue to keep the faith. THey need constant prayers each day. Thanks for also keep Matthew in your prayers and Rosie as they are doing well but still need many prayers.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, August 25, 2004 9:46 PM CDT
Tonight as you are praying please pray for all of the families all around the world who are watching their kids suffer and die hard deaths. I just read tonight of another girl who just passed away and I know that there are so many more who are either suffering so much tonight or who have passed away and the families are suffering. It's the worst thing imagineable to watch a child suffer and die. I still go to bed crying many nights thinking of what Noah had to endure through his whole fight but especially the last two weeks were the worst for us.
We went to Branson, Missourri on a wonderful vacation for about a week. As we were driving there the trip was nice but it was a long trip. By the last few hours it seemed like we would never get there to relax and to have some fun. I then thought about how this life is very much the same. You feel like heaven will never be here. I love living too but now that Noah is in Heaven I even feel so much more less at home on this earth. It reminded me of the trip driving, stopping for gas and snacks and driving some more. Then we finally arrived and I couldn't believe my eyes. It was much more beautiful than I had ever thought. It was a huge resort and very clean and so much to do. Some day after this earthly life is over and I enter Heaven like Noah did --WOW!!! How I won't believe my eyes and how the trip will be so worth it when I see Jesus face to face and see Heaven and get to hug my Noah again and see his face glow with excitement of no more pain or sadness! He always smiled and I really miss his life with us. It will seem like the trip was short once that moment comes just like the trip was so worth it once we got to the resort and we are even going back in January because we had the best time ever!
Thanks for your prayers because the more time that passes the more we are missing our precious Noah. No words are good enough. Just to know that you care is good. Thanks so much.
Love, Heidi, Jays, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah from Heaven
Saturday, August 7, 2004 4:46 PM CDT
This was written by Amanda Send in Traverse City, Michigan where we used to live. Amanda is a beautiful teenage girl who loves the Lord so much. The girls and I stayed in her room the last night and she has some of her favorite verses written all over her walls. It is very cool!!! She wrote this about Noah in his last days before he really started living! Noah will always be my American Hero as well! We are so so proud of Noah's faith in God even in his darkest moments. Noah saw Jesus face to face on November 22, 2003.
MY AMERICAN HERO
Noah is now in his tenth month of cancer. At the age of seven, he's had to go through more pain and trauma than most people face in their lifetime. He's had chemotherapy nermerous times, along with high fevers, which are just some of the obstacles when faced with Leukemia. Noah's been in and out of the hospital getting treatments and what not. He has gone to Florida to swim with the dolphins, which was his wish provided by Make a Wish Foundation. Given only a month to live now, Noah is hanging on for his life. Just the other day Noah's parents wrote about how excited he was when he was able to spike his hair again. With Noah's gigh blast counts, friends, and family are praying for a miracle. Even little Noah continues to keep his faith in God. One would think that someone going through things like this would question his faith, but not Noah. In the midst of this enermous trial, he sings about how much God loves him.
Recently, Noah's been diagonosed with another trial, pneumonia. Just a few days ago, Noah had trouble hearing and seeing. The doctors have sent him home because there's nothing else they can give him to get rid of this Leukemia. His white blood cells are growing, but they are all cancerous. This little boy could die any day now, but God has His own plans, and He'll do things in His own time. If He decided that's it's time for Noah to go to Heaven, then I know that Noah won't be suffering anymore. If God keeps him on earth and preforms a miracle, then Noah will be a living testimony of God's power and love. But no matter what happens, Noah will be and is My American Hero.
Thursday, July 29, 2004 8:14 PM CDT
I can't believe it has been so long since I have last journaled here. I used to find such comfort in sharing our journey and enlisiting the prayer support of so many warriors. But in all honesty my lack of writing is the same as my grief process. I am really understanding that grieving is the hardest work we will ever do. It takes conscious effort constantly and consistently to work through all the emotions and tears. And to be totally honest it is much easier sometimes to stuff all the raw emotion deep inside and to busy myself than to try and work through the homegoing of Noah.
But you can only hold back the dam so long before it breaks. I wish there was a way to describe the journey and the feelings that we are going through but I do not know if I can even give you a hint.
I do know people begin to wonder when we will get back to normal or however they 'nicely put it' I can easily say this, you never go back to normal you just learn to cope and to adjust. To go back to tnormal would mean we get over a job setback or a bad day at the golf course but when you lose a child who you love more than your life how do you put that behind you like a bad dream and move on.
You don't move on, you carry it with you always. We carry the love we have for Noah, we carry all the precious memories, we carry the truth of one day holding him in our arms one day, we carry the peace of knowing Jesus is watching over him, we carry the pain of our earthly separation, we carry the suffering he endured here on earth fighting the leukemia, we carry the laughter he brought to our house. And we will always carry Noah with us until we hug again.
Noah, we miss you buddy. Mommy and I were talking today and we figured that this summer you would have learned to waterski. Grandpa and grandma took out us out on there boat today and it brought back so many memories of our little fish, you. You could not get enough of the water. I remember when you, Kayle, mommy, me and Troy and Joy went out on Lake Leelanau and I could not throw you high enough and far enough into the water. I could not believe how you laughed and enjoyed it. You always wanted to go swimming. Well if someone doesn't beat me to it, one day I'll teach you to waterski and to be able to get up on one ski and ski like you four wheel. We are proud of your love for life buddy, you bring such joy to our lives. We miss you greatly and can't wait to hold you. Until then keep running on those streets and find the great hiding spots for hide and seek. You know I am the best at finding you.
Love you buddy.
Sunday, July 11, 2004 2:08 PM CDT
Hi Friends, I am Heidi's friend Kimberly. Heidi has been staying with me for the last week. What a blessing she and the girls are. Jason is on a youth mission trip in New Mexico and Colorado, so Heidi got to fly here to be with us.
I just want to thank all of you for your prayers and support for my dear friend Heidi and her family! What an incredibly difficult year and a half it has been!! But the joy of the Lord continues to reign in Heidi's life - what an example she is to all of us. Of course she misses Noah terribly and grieves her loss of him here on earth with her, but she has the hope of eternal life with him and God. I so hope that you will be with us in heaven to. Just trust your life to Jesus!! We look forward to reuniting with Noah!!
Again, I can't thank you enough for your support of Heidi. Please continue to uplift she and her family to the Lord. God is the one that will sustain and comfort them.
Thank you, Kimberly in Michigan
Monday, June 28, 2004 2:37 PM CDT
Revelation 22:20-21
"He who is faithful witness to all these things says, "Yes, I am coming soon!" Amen! Come, Lord Jesus!
The grace of the Lord Jesus be with you all.
My sister called today and said that an earthquake hit the chicago area and people even felt it in the Milwaukee area. It was a 4.3 on the ricker scale. It just reminded me again that Jesus could be coming back for His people soon and are we ready. I think of so many who do not know Jesus and how it must break Jesus's heart. He gave His life for us and shows us His love in so many ways and many continue to say no I'm not ready to give my life to Jesus. It's not to late to give your life to Jesus. We don't know how long we have on this earth. Noah at one point in his life after we moved here we were driving past our paper mill and I asked him if he wanted to give Jesus his life and he said no not yet. I'm to scared to give my life to Jesus right now. God did a miraculous work in his heart over the next weeks. He would ask me along with Kaylee lots of questions about Heaven and God. I don't know exactly what Heaven is like. It is too great for my little mind. It's beyond my comprehension how great it will be. It talks a lot about Heaven in the book of Revelation in the Bible. Heaven is our hope for living and our peace in dying. Noah gave his life to Jesus and how thankful I am that he didn't wait until it was too late. His name means quiet peace and God gave him incredible peace going through it all. It was more than I can even bear now to think about and when I do I am broken. It is not to late today to give your life to Christ. It is the most important decision you will ever have to make and when you die it's too late to give your life to Christ. He's waiting --just come as you are.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, June 26, 2004 8:49 PM CDT
Psalms 40:16
"But may all who search for you
be filled with joy and gladness.
May those who love your salvation
repeatedly shout, "The Lord is great!"
I am so glad that the Lord is great whether we feel it or not. He loves us so. A sweet neighbor girl, Alyssia gave me a pin today that said "I am loved." It reminded me that God loved me today. How the simple things can mean so much when your heart feels broke from the pain of missing Noah and feeling like God why didn't you answer my prayers of healing for Noah on this earth for awile longer. We are all so loved of God.
Jason is going to be leaving on a mission trip soon to Colorado and New Mexico soon and I am heading to Traverse City for a week too. It will be so nice to see old friends and to sit by the beautiful Bay. I am very excited! Please pray for Jason and the youth group for many to come to know Jesus, safety, and for the youth and leaders to grow spiritually. Also please pray for the girls and I as we travel to Minn. take a flight to Chicago, then on to Grand Rapids Mich, and then to drive to Traverse City all in one day. Thanks for your continued prayers for us all as we desperately need them each day!
Also please pray especially for a dear little girl named LaKota! She had a bone marrow transplant and is having a lot of pain and retaining lots of fluid. Her test today did show that their is no cancer in the bone marrow. Next week will be the final results to the test but so far it looks good. Praise God for this. The parents have already lost two children and now LaKota had wilms tumor and then aml leukemia. Please pray that God would heal her on earth since the parents have already endured so so much. My heart just breaks as I think of what they have endured over the past years. Thanks so much and I know that Debbie and the family really appreciate it and need it!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, June 23, 2004 10:12 PM CDT
Yesterday Noah was 7 months since Noah has been with Jesus. How time seems to go so fast. It seems like the more time goes by the more we long to see Noah again. We miss you honey and can't wait to see you!!! You are the best boy in the whole world! We love you SO SO much!!!!
Tuesday, June 15, 2004 10:05 PM CDT
This song is by Barlow Girls called never alone
It says what Jason's and my heart feels many days
-------------------------------------------------
I waited for you today but you didn't show no no no
I needed you today so where did you go?
You told me to call said that you'd be there
and though I haven't seen you
Are you still there?
I cry out with no reply
I can't feel you by my side
so I hold tight to what I know
You're Here and I'm never alone!!!
And though I can not see you
and I can't explain why---
such a deep reassurance you've placed in my life
We cannot separate cause your part of me
and though your invisible I'll trust the unseen
I cry out to no reply and I can't feel you by my side
so I hold tight to what I know --You're here and I'm never alone!!!
This song has says it all. Sometimes when terrible things happen to us we cannot see God or feel Him. We wonder why don't you answer what we so desperately longed for. We ask why and get no answer. Then we feel the deep reassurance that God has given to me since I gave my heart to Him as a little girl saying I'm still here and I love you so much. Trust me. God is apart of me and when you give your life to Christ He is also apart of you also. Then we are never alone and will never be alone ever!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, June 5, 2004 11:21 PM CDT
JESUS IS STILL THERE
When your child dies and the pain is too great
Jesus is still there
When Noah cried all through the night
Jesus was still there
When life goes on and the stresses are there
Jesus is still there
When memories are all you have now
Jesus is still there
When tears fall and no answers come
Jesus is still there
When God seems silent in the night
Jesus is still there
When dreams have crumbled
Jesus is still there
When prayers not answered the way I prayed
Jesus is still there
When friends forsake you
Jesus is still there
When your heart is breaking
Jesus is still there
Hebrews 13:5
For God has said "I will never leave you or forsake you."
written by Heidi Schafbuch
God just gave this to me when I felt like God wasn't near and my life was falling apart. He showed me again that He is still here and will always be with me!!!
Thursday, June 3, 2004 3:18 PM CDT
I read this today in a book called boundless love. This is Barbara Johnson talking, "I recently read about a pediatric ER doctor in St. Paul, Minnesota, who was being interviewed about his new book, Julia's Mother: Life Lessons in the Pediatric ER. Dr. William Bonadio has saved the lives of many children, but, inevitably, seen the lives of others come to a tragic end. And then there are the parents..... "When children die," Bonadio says, "they don't die alone. They take something from their parents. Life is changed, after something you held to be truly your is taken away, is gone; and you realize it can never be the same again. You must start over, but with less, and can never fully believe in anything as being permanently yours."
We don't know where he stands spiritually in his view but he has much insight.
We are not in control but God is. Nothing is permanent except God who never changes. Jason, Kaylee, and I will never be the same and little Grace I'm sure misses Noah too. They were so close. God is the only thing in life that is guarenteed to remain the same through all generations.
"I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed!" Malachi 3:6
God's character is immutable and his Word is final. His love for us is constant in our darkest storm. The pain is always going to be in our hearts for Noah is not here with us but Noah is alive with Jesus!!! He is more alive than I am writing this e-mail. He is in Heaven in perfection and wow what a day it will be when those who have given their lives to Jesus are finaly HOME!!!!
Psalms 46:1-7
"God is our refuge and strength,
an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though the waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging.
There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The Lord Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress."
PRAISE GOD!!! HE IS SO GOOD TO US!!!!
Heidi and Jason
Friday, May 28, 2004 10:03 PM CDT
Romans 12:2
"And do not conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect."
God wants us to be totally devoted to Jesus Christ. When we read God's Word it cleanses our minds and hearts. It is refreshment in a weary world. I went to a graduation ceremony tonight and my heart was saddened by the message given. They have no hope for their futures. Just do your best and hopefully you will be successful. God tells us that it is not about success but about being faithful to Him. That is what is important in life. Then you have success in all things because God is your focus and love. How can you loose with God on your side! He is God!!!
If you don't know Christ then that is where you need to start. God loves you so and is waiting to have a personal relationship with you. The Father sent His only son Jesus Christ to die and to take your place on the cross so that you can be FREE in Him. Just give your whole life to Christ and believe in Him and you will be saved. He is waiting to forgive you of your sins. He will make you clean and pure inside and out. You can be totally forgiven for any sin big or little that you have committed. He then sees you as perfect in Christ.
If you do know Jesus then how are we living our lives for Christ. Are we doing things that the world does? Do people know that we are different or do we blend in? We should stick out in a good way. Are we pleasing God in everything that we are doing in life. No one is perfect(I am far from it) but we should strive to live as Christ did. Let God's Word and His standard be your standard for living. It bring joy and only hope to your life.
May God Bless you as you live for Him!!!!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, May 22, 2004 9:50 PM CDT
It is hard to believe that Noah entered into the presence of His God six months ago. It was a Saturday evening Nov 22 that Noah stopped breathing. I can not beleive that it has been six whole months, it really feels like it was last week. We celebrate the fact that Noah is no longer suffering through cancer and chemo and that now more than ever he is free in the presence of Jesus. He has the opportunity to worship God with the angels and to know the followers of God we read about. He gets to know the first Noah, the one who was faithful against all perceptions of those around him. But he knew his God and was going to follow Him no matter the cost. He has the opportunity to speak with Gideon, Moses, Paul, Matthew, Peter, and teh thing is no matter how awesome that might sound to us it pales in the light that my son is able to be in the presence of His God.
To be honest with you it is very difficult to sit and write these entries. You try so hard to suppress your emotionsd so you can " be in control" of things that when you sit at a computer and focus your thought onto paper it releases the flood gates.
We do celebrate Noah's new home and rejoice on that matter and we suffer here with the lack of our son's presence i n our arms. But one day we will rejoice together the goodness of our King.
Noah it so hard to beleive that your suffering ended six months ago. It was so hard for us to release your body, but we knew you were not there. You got to celebrate and dance and run and enjoy your new home. Noah we miss you so dearly and think of often of all the great things you do to bring laughter to our house. We are so limited in our wisdom and knowledge, and the funny thing is at one point in time you used to ask me so many questions and try to understand life through our eyes. But know you know so much more than we ever could learn and explore here on this earth. You have answers to questions I have, you have stories I want to hear. You have friendships with people I admire for their faith. You get to see our King and worship Him for all that He is. We are so blind here on earth and your vision is so clear. On your last days your vision was very obscured but not now. Oh Noah till the day when we can run and play ball together the separation is very painful but we are happy for you. We long so deeply to be with. We love you so much. I love You buddy, your daddy.
Saturday, May 22, 2004 9:09 PM CDT
Six months ago today Noah entered into Heaven! It has been a long day for me today. Jason had a mission training meeting most of the day and when the house is quiet I miss Noah so much more! Thank you to everyone for cards remembering that it was 6 months ago today. That really does help. It helps when people remember Noah and all of the fun times that we had. Thank you for caring and remembering with us. How we can't wait to all be together someday but until then live life to the glory of the Lord!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah who is really living now
Thursday, May 20, 2004 9:33 PM CDT
Thanks for your continued prayers for us all. The pain will never be gone until we get to Heaven. We miss Noah so so much and yet by God's grace continue to run the race each day. This week Kaylee had a big program on Monday night where the Kindergarden class sang songs, said scripture, and did a skit. It was adorable! Last year Noah had his Kindergarden program and I kept imagining Noah up there singing and smiling all the way through it to. Now he is smiling from Heaven and how we wish so much that we could see him. Someday we will and we can hardly wait to all be together again. Kaylee gave her life to Jesus this past year. Noah told her that she needed to give her life to Jesus right away --he was aware that time is urgent-- for none of us know how long our days on earth might be. Today if you are reading this and you don't know where you would go if you were to die please give your life to Jesus. He is the only way to Heaven! There is no second chance or another way. Jesus loves you so much! He is waiting for you to put your trust in Him. He has promised to never leave you ever! He is faithful and keeps His promises! Noah's name means "quiet peace" and that's what God did in Noah as he was going through so much pain and all of the procedures. Noah had quiet peace because God's peace rules his heart and mind! Come to Jesus--it's the only way to live!!!!
Hope that you had a good evening!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, May 18, 2004 9:20 PM CDT
This morning we were almost ready to leave for school. I was listening to the radio and they were talking about giving praise to God for all that He has done for us. I just knew that I had to call in on 92.9 and share how Noah had leukemia but now he is in Heaven. I shared briefly that I have to praise God because Noah gave his life to Jesus. What more could I ask from God but for my kids to love Jesus. I had to make it brief because as soon as I got on the radio I just started crying but tried to hold back so I could talk. God got me through it. God has been so good to us and to Noah. He gave Noah the strength and help to get through each procedure, each chemo, each day. God was and is with us and He will never leave our sides! PRAISE GOD for that!!!! Like Noah told us--"Jesus is my Helper."
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, May 12, 2004 8:44 PM CDT
DREAM OUT LOUD
This is what Matt Hebert wrote about the painting of Noah.
The life and death of Noah Schafbuch have been for our household an unsearchable source of inspiration and hope. Throughout most of 2003, we watched with silent awe as the Schafbuchs battled Noah's leukemia. Their journey proved a witness to the world, as thousands followed Noah's progress through online journaling. Noah's unyielding hope in Jesus; his refusal to complain throughout the painful process of cancer treatment; his parents unimaginable strength and faith; and the ceaseless prayers of the saints make his story a testimony to Grace. Noah died on November 22,2003 at the age of 7. One day my words will fit. Until then, we "DREAM OUT LOUD!"
Additional sources of inspiration for DREAM OUT LOUD include:
*"The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field." (Matt. 9:37b-38
*"Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (Matt 19:14)
*"I tell you the truth, unless a kernal of wheat falls to the gound and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds." (John 12:24)
This powerful image (the one of Noah's arms outstretched at the ocean) evokes feelings of freedom, faith, courage, and hope, and therefore captures for me, the artist, the true heart of a missionary. The missionary vision was something I desperately attempted to expose through this painting, and as a result, Noah's figure became a prominent symbol in DREAM OUT LOUD.
*Children's book: Snowy Day, by Ezra Jack Keats-Pub 1962, Viking Press Inc,. NY NY
--the dreaming boy in this book holds great significance in this painting--he is a reminder that the God of hope is still at work...even in seemingly insignificant and quiet places.
***Some themes present in DREAM OUT LOUD
---Labor, harvest, mission, fruit, hope, reaping, compassion, burden bearing
---Explosive growth--Uncontainable energy
* The original commissioned painting is owned by a thriving multi-ethnic church in Houston Texas. --Wilcrest Baptist--whose vision statement was the impetus for this project.
Vision Statement of Wilcrest Baptist
*Wilcrest Baptist Church is God's multi-ethnic bridge that draws all people to Jesus Christ, who transforms them from unbelievers to missionaries.
Dear Schafbuchs: I continue to find it very difficult to put into words how precious I feel your son's legacy has been. My hope is that this painting would capture-for my family and I , at least-even some of those deeply rooted sentiments. Even in our confusion, God has used your boy... and your family... for the glory of his namesake. We will never forget Noah.
Love in Christ, Matt Hebert
Monday, May 10, 2004 8:30 PM CDT
On May 8 we went to the gravesite and brought a cake decorated with two yellow four wheelers like Noah's. We had it decorated in mostly orange frosting with some yellow, Noah's favorite colors. We tied two balloons by the headstone that were orange and yellow. We also put some fresh flowers there and left one of the yellow four wheelers. We talked, cried, and laughed. It was very hard but once we were there Jason and I could hardly leave Noah's side. We know that he is not there but his body is and how we miss his little body running around and making us all laugh! He had the best smile! I always told him that he is my favorite boy in the whole world. I tell all of my kids that they are my favorite! Well Grace and Kaylee both let one balloon go to Heaven. A purple from Kaylee and pink from Gracie. How we love our dear Noah. We later in the day took the girls to the mega mall to have their pictures taken. In one picture that turned out great they are dressed up like angels and the other one they are sitting on the horse. We did that because Noah just adored his sisters! Well thanks for your prayers! We heard the coolest story from a lady at our church. She was sitting with her family at Godfather's pizza and overheard a conversation. She heard the people behind her praying for our family and talking about Noah. The each went around the table and each said something special about Noah. She didn't want to interupt and ask who they are so we don't know but it really encouraged us! Thank you so much for remembering Noah and our family through this past weekend with Noah's 8th birthday and mother's day. We appreciate it beyond words! We will never forget it! Thanks to everyone for your daily prayers, cards, and encouragement! It really helps.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, May 7, 2004 11:05 PM CDT
I sit and stare at the keyboard and wait for the words to find there way to the screen. So much emotion consumes our minds that to try and have "normal" conversations is almost impossible. You try the best you can in some manner of way to stuff all that emotion until the walls can no longer hold and you just lose. I am more confident than ever, there is nothing more difficult in life than grieving the separation of a child. It takes every ounce of energy to just get through a day. You learn quick phrases to tell people when they ask how are they doing because if we really told them it would be a two hour conversation filled with tears. So you learn to say, "we are taking a day at a time". We are not fine, we are not ok, we are not normal. We are hurting, we are in pain. How could you expect anything else? That would not be normal. We will never return to any form of normalacy, we will learn how to cope with this pain the rest of our lives. When I am 41 I will wonder what it would be like to teach Noah how to drive, when I am 43 wonder how graduation for him was. I will wonder what would he choose for a vocation. Is God the center of His life. At 47-48 I will dream about his graduation from college and around fifty what his wife would be like. Where would he live and wonder about grand children he and his wife would bless us with. I wonder in what ways would he make his dad proud. Would he play baseball. He could hit a ball a mile. So many questions we have that we will never be able to answer but to just dream. The tears will still flow when we are fifty and sixty.
Noah entered this world on May 8th. I will never forget the day that a sweet little 10# baby came into our lives. Today will be his eigth birthday. How does one celebrate the separation that exists. We know our boy is celebrating in the presence of Jesus and there is nothing finer than that. And in that we celebrate, and in the pain we weep.
So many times inlife we lose focus of what is important. We strive for the corporate ladder or the bank account. There is only two things that matter in life. The first is your relationship with your God. And I am not talking about whatever you view God is. I mean the God you will one day bow before and exalt. No matter how you view yourself in the light of spirituality, there is only one answer. The God of the universe , the God of the Bible. The one and only true God that loved His creation so much that He sent His son to take our place sp that my son could be in His presence. Second, is your family. We spent more time with Noah in the 11 months he was ill than some parents spend in eighteen years. I will always cherish all of those memories.
Happy Birthday Buddy, I know you have a big chocalate cake with eight big candles, with lots of balloons and friends. So many of our friends who ventured this road with you will be at your party. Make sure and get a corner piece way more frosting. You remember your sixth birthday and we got yuou that rocket. We had so much fun lauching that thing off in our front yard. You always had ways of making fun out of nothing. Like digging a huge hole in the side of our hill. it would have taken a bob cat to put all the dirt back into place. Say hi to Grandma Carlson, she went home on May 9th of 86. So she can show you all the great spots, ask her for some of her popcorn best there is. Noah we are so proud of you the way you love Jesus and are a witness of His love. I remember last year for your birthday you got your four wheeler. Man were you excited. I am sure not as excited you are now, but man did you run that thing all over. WE took it over to the church adn you ran it all over the field and mommy even road it as well as Pastor and Judy. I was so looking forward to getting youa bigger one this year. Kaylee might want to learn how to ride so we are going to keep yours for her. Noah we miss you so much and can't wait to hold you in are arms. I could never ask for a greater son. You are so special. Have an awesome day Noah. Happy 8 years old. We love you.
Love Your daddy.
Friday, May 7, 2004 9:30 PM CDT
Well tomorrow is Noah's golden birthday on May 8 and he would be 8 years old. He is having his golden birthday walking on the streets of gold! We are heading to the grave site and as Chuck Swindoll said that it is really the resurrection site for Noah. We have ordered a cake with 2 yellow four wheelers on it and we will be releasing balloons to celebrate Noah's birthday. Then later in the day we are taking the girls to the mega mall to have their pictures taken at a special kids studio. Noah loved his sisters so so much and so we thought that it would be special to have their pictures taken because Noah's loves them still so much!
Thanks for your prayers for us tomorrow as it is going to be a hard day. Please pray for special encouragement for Kaylee who is having a hard time missing Noah lately. She just started crying yesterday and said how she just misses Noah so much. We appreciate your prayers so much! It gets us through each day!
Only by God's grace, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, May 5, 2004 9:16 PM CDT
Job 2:10
"Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"
I came home from youth group and was getting the kids ready for bed and heard Chuck Swindoll on the radio talking about his series on Job.
He was that yes we would like only good times in our lives without the hardships but how we are to accept the hard times as well. We are not promised all easy days on this earth. God is the potter and we are the clay. He has the right to do with us whatever He chooses to fulfill His plans. He is the master and we are the servants. We are not promised health, wealth, and prosperity. We are only promised that God will be faithful to us and never leave us! He is with us as we face fiery trials. For us it is loosing our precious and most wonderful boy in the world! Our hearts are breaking and missing him so. It is if part of us are gone and there is nothing we can do to
bring him back. For you it may be a different trial.
We will be celebrating Noah's life this saturday as it will be noah's 8th birthday. Please pray for us on this day as we will be going to the grave and remembering Noah and missing him so much! We know that he is alive in Heaven with his God but his body is in the ground and how we miss seeing our handsome son running around and riding his bike and loving life and his sisters! He is so so special to us!
When we face these sufferings in our lives Chuck said to say "Oh God I will trust you! I don't know why but get me through this. Hold me close in your loving arms and deepen my faith and change me." This is our prayer.
Isaiah 55:8-9
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord.
For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts."
God knows the big picture--we just have to trust Him. We will never understand until we get to Heaven why Noah had to die so young. How we can't wait to see our Lord and Noah again!!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, May 3, 2004 12:56 AM CDT
This week is Noah's birthday and he will be 8 years old in our time here on earth at least. Jason will be writing more about his birthday coming up this week. Also with Mother's Day coming up this is a tough week but I am blessed beyond measure to have a wonderful husband and three wonderful kids! What more could I have asked God to give me but Noah who loved Jesus Christ so much and for Kaylee who also loves Jesus with her whole heart and for my precious little Grace who I pray will also give her life to Jesus. I am very blessed by God today! I think of Noah's fight and how he fought it with a smile! I think of Kaylee going through this terrible past year and how she keeps playing and loving life! I could have all the treasure this world could give but none could compare to my Noah giving his life to Christ! He is forever alive and forever with Jesus! I celebrate this week knowing that someday and I hope soon we will all be together with Jesus!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Jason will be writing later about a painting of Noah that will be available to buy and the meaning behind it. It is very special to us!
Sunday, April 25, 2004 7:42 AM CDT
PRAISE THE LORD
I heard this past week a story of a women on the radio. She had just found out that she had 6 months to live. She came home and her husband was very shocked and very sad. The next thing her husband heard in the house was the paino playing. He went upstairs to find his wife singing praise songs to God and singing hymns. He was amazed! What a women he thought. Praising the Lord in every sitation is what God wants us to do. I haven't been to good at praising God this week but more complaining about our circumstances. Praise does help. When we focus our eyes on God and His unchanging love for us and our eternal home it puts this life more in persepective! PRAISE GOD TODAY!!!
HE MORE THAN DESERVES OUR PRAISE!
Love, Heidi and Jays
Friday, April 23, 2004 7:47 PM CDT
"There's that old hymn that goes, This world is not my home, I'm just a passin through. Do you feel that way? I do. (from Joni Eareckson Tada pamplet called Yearning for Heaven)
Kaylee had x-rays taken today and everything is fine. She will be going back for more chiropractic treatments to loosen up the muscles. She is feeling good besides that she is hourse tonight. It was a better day for us all today.
I talked to my friend Judy who is the Pastor's wife and she told me to just be honest with God and tell Him how I'm feeling. It is hard to trust God when your life seems to be falling apart. God already knows how we feel and it doesn't offend Him when we are honest with Him. He already knew my thoughts of not knowing if I can trust His every Word although I know that I can and I can cling to it with my life. So I got off of the phone and just prayed and cried and told God that I am afraid to trust Him for life just seems to get worse and worse. You also can pour out your feelings to God and ask Him to help me or you to trust Him again and to know that He's here and He cares. I did feel better.
Thank goodness that this home here in not my eternal home but the glory awaits! Noah is in glory with Jesus and Wow how lucky he is!!!
Hope that you all have a good weekend! Keep the Faith for Jesus is Lord and He does love us!
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 21, 2004 9:25 PM CDT
Psalms 116:1-2
"I love the Lord because he hears and answers my prayers. Because he bends down and listens, I will pray as long as I have breath."
Today on the way over to Amy's house to find out that Kaylee had been in a car accident I know that God was speaking to me. I was listening to a message on the radio adn they were talking about giving God everything. Will you trust Him even if you have to endure much suffering. I said of course Lord I will trust you no matter what this world has to offer. I felt that next I needed to pray for Kaylee's protection. I spent the next few minutes praying for Jason to feel better from his stomach flu and for Kaylee's protection in the car. Thank you God for answering my prayers that Kaylee was playing all night and seems completely normal. She did complain of her neck hurting alittle and the back of her head hurting a tiny bit she said. Tomorrow she is going bright and early to a special clinic to be checked just to make sure that her neck is okay. Thank you for your prayers and continued prayers for our family. Today has been a rough one but God is faithful! I have been singing the song tonight by Twilia Paris --Do I Trust you?--
Sometimes it is hard to understand why do these terrible things happen to us when we desire to live for God but Jesus had to suffer more than any of us and all because He loves us so much! I just pray, "Do I trust you Lord when I don't know why. Will I trust you Lord till the day I die? You can see my heart you can read my mind and you've got to know I would rather die than to loose my faith in the one I love Do I trust you Lord?"
In HIs Grace, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 21, 2004 1:18 PM CDT
Kaylee was in a car accident today. She was heading home to play with a friend after school and I was also heading to my friends' house for lunch. I went a diferent way and got to her house to see no van. The next thing I know Jason comes speading in the driveway looking panicked. Jason has been in bed all day sick with a stomach ache. He told me that Kaylee has been in a car wreck. I had just gotten done praying for Kaylee's safety on the way over. I was panicked at this news as you can imagine.
Kaylee's neck is alittle sore as of now. It just happened about a hour ago. She and her friend were at our house and I couldn't think about lunch so I gave them a muffin and brownie. The Mom has a headache and her neck is sore. Kaylee's friend seems okay was just shaky and said that her stomach hurts alittle. Please pray that they are all okay. It's hard to tell at first from the shock of it all.
Heaven how I can't wait!!!!
Love, Heidi
Thursday, April 15, 2004 1:52 PM CDT
Isaiah 40:8
"The grass withers, and the flowers fade beneath the breath of the LORD. And so it is with people. The grass withers, and the flowers fade, but the word of our God stands forever."
We were at a tree nursery yesterday. The man was showing us the different trees. He was telling us that Colorado spruce don't do very good in our soil here. The Black Hills Spruce do great. The colorado spruce grow better in their original home in the mountains. He was telling us all about different diseases that the trees can get and how the Colorado Spruce are more prone to disease because it is not home for them here.
I thought about how our home really is here on earth either. Our real home is in Heaven! We are prone to sin here and with that comes disease, suffering, and pain. Our home was originally suppose to be in the Garden of Eden until sin entered the picture. Now we have to wait until Heaven to be ultimately healed once and for all!!!! Be encouraged because today could be the day Jesus comes back!!! When that day comes I'm out of here and finally HOME!!!
Love, Heidi
Tuesday, April 13, 2004 9:08 PM CDT
Well thanks for your prayers for us over Easter. It was a very hard day for me missing Noah. I've heard other people say that the change in seasons is hard after you have lost a loved one and it is. It's like time keeps going and you want it to stop and have Noah back in our car, house, and mostly our arms.
Our Easter service at church was awesome. It was also hard to get through thinking of Noah not here with us. I fought back the tears through the whole service and ended up with a major headache afterwards for the rest of the day. I just want to run up to Heaven and bring Noah back but I know that after Heaven who would want to come back down here. How I long for Heaven and the day we can dance with Noah worshipping our King! Jesus is Alive and because of that my sorrow turns to joy. The pain will never go away until the day that we are with our Jesus!!! Because He lives I can face tomorrow!
In His Arms, Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, Gracie, and Noah on
Jesus's lap
Friday, April 9, 2004 1:00 PM CDT
John 10:18
"No one can take my life from me. I lay down my life voluntarily. For I have the right to lay it down when I want to and also the power to take it again. For my Father has given me this command."
Jesus laid His life down for you. Today I only have hope because of Jesus Christ. He died so that we can live. If you haven't given your life to Christ you have no hope. For all will pass away except people. People will live forever. Where are you going to choose where to live. For with Jesus you will live in Heaven but without Him you will suffer in Hell which is the worst imaginable place ever. Why would anyone want to not give their life to Christ.
Today the question is--Is Jesus Christ your Treasure? Do you have the hope of Heaven. It's nothing we can do. It all because of Jesus Christ!!!! He's won and someday this world will come to an end and then those who know Jesus will be forever with Jesus in glory!!! It's so much better than anything on earth has to give. We will be walking on streets of gold. True wealth is only found in Heaven! I can't wait to get my mansion!
Is Jesus your treasure today?
If not what a better day to make Him your treasure! He is waiting for you today. Many years ago Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He broke the power of death. Death has no sting for those who have their name written in the book of life!!! Is your name there?
We love you! Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, April 6, 2004 1:37 PM CDT
Many of times we want to pinch ourselves and not beleive the reality of our present lives. But to no avail do we ever wake up from this nightmare. It is a nightmare that haunts us wherever we are and whenever we are. What counsel do you give parents who wake up and weep from the pain of not being able to hold and hear your child grow. Or what advice to a mom who wails from the loss of her son, or a dad who can't hold it together because he can not have his son on his lap. This is very much a figurative question please don't try an answer the question. Too many people have tried to answer these questions. There are not words or stories to lighten the pain that we bear. There are no words or stories to wipe away the tears that flow so easily. Unless you wlak this road we walk there is no way you can even begin to imagine the emotions and pain that parents who have lost a child endear.
The night Noah passed away will always be etched in my mind forever. As the funeral home came and escorted Noah out on the cart I followed and walked my son out of our house for the last time. I always walk our guests out adn I was not about to let my son leave by himself. I walked him out ot the car. It was about 10:30 at night and a light snow was falling. Not a car in the streets nor lights on in the neigborhood. It was so quiet and lonely out there. The only commotion was a father walking his son to a vehicle for the last time, the air was crisp and cold outside. I remember I just wanted to run after the van and rescue my son and bring him home. I just wanted to run and run, the loneliness I felt that night is often the loneliness we feel.
Please understand we have full knowledge we will one day be with our son again. We know our son is with Jesus. And that is the hope we cling to. But the pain is so real and so overwhelming. It is because of our faith that we make it through each day.
You think of funny moments we had and serious ones. Noah during his treatment had lots of procedures done that required him to be knocked out. Noah began to like th esleepy medicine because it made him feel cool. Well one day he was going to beat the medicine and he tried to hold his eyes open so he would not fall asleep. Noah is such a loving and compassionate young man. He matured so quickly and understood love. Some might notice I write Noah in the present tense. Noah is not dead, his cancer ridden body is but our Noah thrives with our Lord.
I know I am rambling. So I will end with this.
Noah until daddy can hold you on his lap. We love you and are so proud of our little trooper. Thank you for guiding many to the cross. You Rock. I wish I could teach yo so much more but our lives were not meant for that I guess. Gracie is growing up so big and walking and running all over. She always pulls your picture off the table and brings it to us. She has a little fire about her like you did when you were little. Noah we miss you so much but are glad you are free.
Love Your Daddy
Saturday, April 3, 2004 11:12 AM CST
Psalms 69:29
"I am suffering and in pain. Rescue me, O God by your saving power." This was Noah's cry to God especially the last 2 weeks. He would say I just want to go to Heaven.
Well I was thinking about death this morning. It is not of God! God created us to live forever but Adam and Eve disobeyed God. They sinned and we are all now born into sin which means that no matter if you have lied one time or thought a bad thought that is sin. We all sin. But God made a way of escape by sending His own Son Jesus Christ to come and die on the cross for our sins. What a gift that was. Now we have a way out from Hell and condemnation. Jesus was the bridge for us to get to Heaven. I talked to an older lady in our grocery store the other day. She said that she is a catholic and she will be in Heaven too because of all the time that she has spent in church, conformation, doing good, and growing up in a religious household. I said actually none of those things will get you to Heaven. It is only through Jesus Christ and if you have asked Him to forgive your sins and come to live in you. It's so simply yet it is so hard for people to see. There are some catholics who do know Jesus personally I'm not saying that but what I am saying is that we can't do it. Jesus did it on the cross and rose again the third day! He is alive as well as Noah is alive!!!!!!!!!!!! Praise the Lord!!!!! That is something to smile about no matter what pain we are feeling!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 31, 2004 9:09 PM CST
"Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous right hand."
I've been worrying a lot since Noah passed away with our health since they have no idea where Noah ever got Leukemia. Please pray that I wouldn't worry but trust God. Tonight I found out that two people in the youth group has mono. I just felt so stressed at the thought of another thing that we could get. It seems like we have had constant colds since moving here two years ago. I just prayed tonight "God please grant us your mercy on all of our health going through this time." Please pray that will not worry but trust! Thank you so much! Please pray that the kids and us would be healthy and feel better.
Thank you for praying! We are weary and need some rest and comfort.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, March 23, 2004 8:49 PM CST
On the last entry I talked about how much we miss Noah and how he loved to ride his four wheeler! He was a wild man on it! He just had a blast going through huge mud puddles and getting covered head to toe with mud. He just loved it! I forgot to mention the new pictures.
There are 3 NEW PICTURES and one of them is of Noah riding his four wheeler! Noah you are so cool!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, March 22, 2004 6:41 PM CST
Jason and I have been struggling today with just getting through today and missing Noah. Noah has been with Jesus 4 months exactly. It's amazing to think that he has been in paradise for this long already. The pain of missing him is so real and today it seems to be stronger. It just seems like a long day today missing Noah. I sat on his four wheeler today thinking of him going as fast as he could ride. He was amazing on his four wheeler! He lived every minute to the fullest and now I wish I could see him really living free in Heaven! I pray that maybe sometime God gives me or Jason a glimpse of him in Heaven. If not then one day whenever God calls us home we will be there and know what Noah already knows! Just think he's with Jesus most importantly and also Adam and Eve, Moses, and DL Moody, and all of those who have already gone to Heaven. What a thought. The pain of now seeing Noah is so hard at times to bear. It seems to get harder and harder as time goes on. We just miss you so much Noah and love you so so much! You are the best boy in the whole world!!! I love and miss you more than words can say! Love, Mom
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, March 20, 2004 9:48 PM CST
Ask my Mom and Dad how they are
My Mom and Dad, they tell alot of lies
they never did before.
From now until they die,
they will tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom and Dad how they are
and because they can't explain,
They will tell a little lie
because they can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mom and Dad how they are,
They will say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does they cry each night?
Ask my Mom and Dad how they are,
they seem to cope so well.
They didn't have a choice you see
nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom and Dad how they are,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
Mom and Dad, just tell the truth
just say your heart is broken.
They will love me all of their life,
I loved them all of mine.
But if you ask them how they are
they will lie and say they are fine.
I am here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If they lie to you don't listen,
Hug them and hold them near.
On the day we meet again,
we'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom and Dad
with all the lies you told!"
Author Unknown
Friday, March 19, 2004 8:25 PM CST
1 John 4:11
"Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another."
I have some great news about Matthew tonight and everyone is very excited because he has an anc of 100 today which is a great start! Thank you for your prayers and please continue to pray that his immune continues to rise!
I just wanted to thank my parents Ron and Lanie for all of their love for us and for raising me to know Jesus personally! Thanks for teaching me to cling to God's Word no matter what the circumstances. We love you guys! Also we wanted to say thank you to Vic and Doll who have cried with us and helped us so much going through this last year! We love you so much! Thanks so much to our parents for raising us in godly homes and for loving us through good times and hard times! If it wasn't for our parents loving Jesus and obeying him we wouldn't be where we are today. Thanks so much to all of you! We love you all SO much and appreciate you with all of our hearts!!!
Have a good evening!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, March 18, 2004 9:44 PM CST
Romans 11:33-36
"Oh, what a wonderful God we have! How great are his riches and wisdom and knowledge! How impossible it is for us to understand his decisions and his methods! For who can know what the Lord is thinking? Who knows enough to be his counselor? And who could ever give him so much that he would have to pay it back? For everything comes from him; everything exists by his power and is intended for his glory. To him be glory evermore. Amen.
Jason and I heard a message from Chuck Swindoll tonight and he was talking about how God turns bad circumstances into good. This is my prayer for Noahs' life and his death that God will use all of the terrible sufferings of Noah for good and I know that God will. Satan intended it for bad but God intended it for His glory and for eternal good that people would come to know Jesus through Noah's testimony and that the suffering wouldn't be wasted. How we grieve and miss Noah each day. Like Jason shared that these days are hard for us all. Yet we trust in a God who knows our pain and our deepest thoughts. He loves us so and has a plan for us who are left without Noah.
Please pray for Lakota tonight who relapsed with aml leukemia and her Mom has lost 2 other children and now this. It seems to much to bear. Please pray that Lakota would be healed miracously!
Please pray for Maxie who is almost 11 years old. The doctors have given him only a couple of months to live and the family needs comfort from God going through this terrible time. Pray for healing for Maxie too!
Please pray for Matthew who is waiting for his counts and immune to grow so that he can go home and regain strength. They are a very special family to us and pray for complete healing for Matthew and no more cancer ever!
So many kids all around the world are suffering tonight! Please pray for them and their families who have to watch and endure the pain of seeing their precious child suffering. It is the worst!
Thanks so much for your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 17, 2004 1:34 PM CST
I wish there were some words that could be said or some activity to do to make everything alright. But in reality there isn't. Every moment of every hour there is heaviness of heart at the separation that is so unnatural.
This separation that has our son in the presence of our King. In the presence of our future home. He has the ability to not experience pain or suffering but the ultimate high of joy. At this we have no greater moment of thought and peace.
The separation that has our arms empty, empty from not being able to hold our son. Our laps empty from him wanting to sit. Our memories not being able to make any new ones with Noah. Only what if's. Our hearts bleeding from the pain and our lungs so heavy.
So how is it that this separation can be put to rest. I am more than positive until the day we are with Jesus will there be rest. We will eventually learn how to cope and anticipate that day.
If I can leave you with this challenge. Especially in America we spend so much time to acquire that what we can not take with us. We go after the job promotions, that status symbol, the perfect house and we sometimes put aside those things that we can take with us. We don't know when our day is. Most of us think we will grow old and eventually pass on. I thought that for Noah. We don't think it will happen to us. The hard truth is - we don't know when our day will come. Maybe quicker than we thought. The only thing you can take with you is yourself and those around you. Someone else will eventually move into your house, your car will end up in the junk yard, someone else will get your wealth but no one can take your family from you. Love those so dear to you and bring them to a saving grace, so that there will be no permanent separation.
To be real honest with you. Life is real hard right now. I can not even imagine the feeling for those who have loved ones where they don't know their destiny.
We Love You Guys
Jason
Thursday, March 11, 2004 9:21 PM CST
Colossians 3:1-4
"Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits at God's right hand in the place of honor and power. Let heaven fill your thoughts. Do not think only about things down here on earth. For you died when Christ died, and you real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your real life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory."
Wow, those are great and encouraging verses to think on tonight! I heard on the radio from Dr. David Jeremiah that he said that we should go to bed and say maybe tonight Lord maybe tonight you will return for us. And then wake up in the morning and say maybe today Lord maybe today you will come back in the clouds for us and take us home! What a wonderful reality for all who know Jesus personally. How fearful I would be going to sleep and waking up not knowing Christ but when you know Him nothing can touch your soul. You are protected in Christ! Eternal security!!!!
Hope that these verses encourage your heart tonight!
Jesus is alive!!! Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 10, 2004 8:56 PM CST
Psalms 116:15
"The Lord's loved ones are precious to him; it grieves him when they die."
It helps to know that God grieves when His precious children die too. Jesus felt everything that we feel and he wept so we can too. We weep with hope but still we feel the pain of missing Noah each day! Jason hasn't been feeling to good so please continue to pray for his health. This last year has taken quite a toll on his blood pressure and the extreme pain of missing his "buddy."
We have been dreaming about buying a whirlpool for our deck but they are so expensive. God just provided one yesterday from a man who also has to take his daughter to Children's hospital quite a bit for operations and different procedures. It's a used one in excellent shape. It's fits 4-5 people so we are very excited for spring to come so we can get the deck built for the whirlpool. Sounds like work before rest but Jason enjoys building and doing projects.
Thanks for your constant prayers for we need them so much!
Only by God's grace, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, March 7, 2004 9:46 PM CST
I wrote earlier that if you wanted a picture of Noah with his arms outstretched on the beach just e-mail your address saying that you would like the picture and we will send it you! If you don't recieve it for some reason please let us know. We are privilaged to send this to you! We will be sending them out either this week or next week!
Noah is so special to us and all of the wonderful memories! We miss him so so much each day but know that we will see him again! What a great hope this is to us! Heaven is not so far away! Hope that you had a good weekend! We rested a lot and cried a lot missing Noah but are doing better tonight! Sometimes our hearts just break at the thought of Noah being away and then God gives us comfort once again. Noah gave his life to Jesus and you can too if you haven't already. Jesus died for us all even though we are sinners He loved us and gave His Son for us to have eternal life in Heaven with Him! Without this I would never get out of bed in the morning or have any desire to live but because of God's gift Jesus I can live with joy knowing that there is a future beyond this life. Noah is really living now and someday I'll be there too!
Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord."
Hope because of Jesus!! Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, March 2, 2004 8:49 PM CST
Noah,
We miss you and we love you,
we are so proud of the legacy you left.
Can't wait to hold you.
Love
your daddy
Monday, March 1, 2004 4:04 PM CST
Psalms 42:1
"As the deer pants for streams of water, so I long for you, O God."
Sometimes life goes great and other times life hurts. God is there in our joys and pains. He is our steadfast rock that we can stand on. Many people are still watching their kids suffer and some are suffering from loosing their kids. How hard! This life can be weary but how great to know that someday, maybe someday soon those who know Jesus personally will be with Jesus free of pain. Noah's picture with his arms outstretched says to me I'm home and I'm free!!! Free of pain and free with Jesus. We have it hung up in our living room along with many other pictures. So many people have mentioned how this picture of Noah comforts them and helps them so much that we would like to send a picture to you of Noah. If you would like one please send your name and address and how the picture has encouraged you and we will send one to you. It's our way of saying thank you for praying for us and for your support to us through this past year and years to come. It's a picture to us to give us a glimpse of Noah free in Heaven. It was a special gift from God to us and all of you who prayed for Noah and who love Noah. Thank you so much for your love and support to us and to Noah before he went to see Jesus. November 22 will always be a sad day for us but a glorious day for Noah!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, February 29, 2004 9:17 AM CST
Thanks for your prayers for us constantly. It really helps us to get through each moment without Noah here with us. Kaylee goes downstairs to Noah's bedroom a lot to play quietly by herself. She really is missing her brother and best friend. We've had a nice weekend. Jason's parents brought Kaylee a special gift last night. Polar, Noah's puppy that he had picked out from the litter. Kaylee has him in memory of Noah. We are extremely busy now with chasing Polar around trying to housebreak him. He is a maltese. He is adorable and very smart. Hopefully this house training will go good.
Well please continue to pray for Christie's family and Connor's family who's heart's are breaking with loosing their kids.
Love, Heidi
Wednesday, February 25, 2004 9:32 PM CST
I just got home from seeing the Passion of the Christ. Wow, all I could say after it was thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus. What suffering He endured for us. The movie is the most moving movie I have ever seen in my life. Please go and see it. It is a life changing movie!
"Jesus is the way, the truth, and the Life, no man comes to the Father except by Thee."
There is only one way to Heaven and to the Father and that is through Jesus Christ. You can have a great, positive, attitiude in life and be the nicest person ever and if you don't have Christ you have nothing at all. Jesus loves you so much and died a terrible death and rose again the third day so that we have hope for this life and life to come.
John 3:16 says it all. "For God so loved the world (put your name here) that He gave His one and only Son that whosoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life."
All that matters is that you give your life to Christ!
Love, Heidi
Tuesday, February 24, 2004 1:46 PM CST
Thanks for checking on us again! Please pray for the families of Christie and Connor. They both passed away this past weekend. It is the worst to loose your children so please pray for comfort that only God can bring and for strength to get through the funerals and life afterwards.
Thanks for your prayers that they need to get through this terrible time.
love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, February 19, 2004 8:35 PM CST
I know it has been awhile since I have sat here and entered into this journal. To tell you the truth I do not even know why. I can't even really tell you how I am feeling. people ask us all the time how we are doing and I have come up with a real quick answer, we take it a day at a time. Most of the time I don't know what to communicate about how we are doing. But we really appreciate people talking about Noah.
Be assured it will take many many months to try and find some sort of normalacy to life. What we once found comforting and relaxing brings little comfort. There is no normalacy in life after losing a child. Your perspective on everything changes so drastically. I can not explain it but I know those who walk this same road who read these words can definitely agree.
We are coming up on three months since Noah has passed into God's presence. It seems like so much longer that he has been gone from our arms and hearing his voice fill our ears and his love warm our hearts. You try to move on with life but you just can't. The pain of his absence in our life is so great. You want to so desperately to go back in time and grab Noah and never let go. Noah is such a precious boy that has such a loving personality.
The tears flow freely at any thought or any moment. We as God's children were never meant to feel such pain and loss. But without a doubt this cancer is straight from the pits of hell. If you were able to walk this road each day we walked with Noah you would see the unbelievable suffering a seven year old faced. A seven year that faced the suffering with such courage and trust I never could imitate. Noah is one amazing boy. Run Noah Run. See how fast you can run without any pain there in Heaven. Noah we still have things here God wants us to do but when we are done we can't wait to run together and hold you so close. I Love You Buddy
Wednesday, February 18, 2004 9:28 PM CST
I read this tonight in a book called "Am I Not Still God? by Kathy Troccoli
Disease will not have the last say.
Death will not have the last say.
Immorality will not have the last say.
Our questions will not have the last say.
Terrorists will not have the last say.
Destruction will not have the last say.
Evil, certainly, will not have the last say.
**Our God-our Jehovah, our King of kings and Lord of lords-will definitely have the last say!
We will be eternally with Him one day. His promises will all be fulfilled. We will be certain of the fact that He never left us or forgot us.
Good will triumph over evil.
"EVERY KNEE WILL BOW, AND EVERY TONGUE WILL CONFESS THAT JESUS CHRIST IS LORD." Romans 14:11
Are you going to live with Christ for eternity. Jesus is the only way to Heaven. Give your life to Christ tonight for tomorrow could be to late!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, February 16, 2004 7:12 PM CST
How we miss Noah each day! We just want to hold him and hug him again and hear his sweet voice say I love you Daddy and Mommy. Yet we are so thankful that he is not suffering but flying in Heaven with Jesus! How we long for that day as well!
Tonight Diane Sawyer is having an interview with Mel Gibson on the movie the Passion of the Christ. It will be a life changing movie and I pray that many will give their lives to Christ before it is to late. We don't have tv so we hopefully can see it later recorded but watch it if you can. Mel loves Jesus and has a great passion for many to be eternally changed because of this movie. You never know Christ could come back anytime and how important it is to be ready. If Jesus came back in the clouds tonight do you know for sure that you would go to be with Jesus. It is the most important decision that you could ever make. This life is only temporary. Eternity waits each of us. When we die it is to late to call on Jesus. We each must make a choice now as to where we will spend eternity. There are only two choices and that is Heaven or Hell. It's not by being good or doing good things that gets us to Heaven but only through giving our life to Christ and asking for our sins to be forgiven. Isn't that amazing that Christ came to die so that we could live eternally. He loves us more than we can imagine. The movie will show His great love for us and how He suffered so much! It just amazes me how He would die and make a way of escape from Hell for people like us who don't deserve this but He chose us because He loves us SO!!!
Ephesians 2:8-9
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of God- not by works, so that no one can boast."
Romans 3:23
"for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus."
Justified: means to erase someone's sins; to declare righteous
Redemption: to free from evil by paying a price --to buy back
THAT'S WHAT JESUS DID FOR US!!! HE LOST HIS LIFE TO GIVE US LIFE AND TAKE AWAY OUR EVERY SIN!!! THEN HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND LIVES!!!! AMAZING GRACE!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, February 8, 2004 9:58 PM CST
Romans 8:17
"Now if we are children, then we are heirs-heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
2 Corinthians 4:17
"For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."
These verses remind me of Noah saying to me if he could now
"Mommy you know all the pain that you watched me go through and how you cried for me. Well Mommy it was all worth it because now I'm free and I'm really living with Jesus! It was worth it all!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, February 6, 2004 10:00 AM CST
Psalms 89:2
"Your unfailing love will last forever. Your faithfulness is as enduring as teh heavens."
Well yesterday Gracie had her first real haircut. She cut it into a cute bob. I curled it today and she looks so grown up.
Kaylee is doing well in school but since we missed so much school while Noah was in the hospital she is alittle behind. Please pray for her to get caught up quickly.
God is so good to us and helps us through the pain in our hearts missing Noah. It helps to think that Heaven is sooner than we think and this life is really very short compared to eternity with God and Noah. We long and look forward to Heaven although we want to live faithfully now.
Thanks for your prayers for all of the cancer kids suffering everwhere. How hard it is to watch your kids suffer! It is the worst thing I could ever imagine. I think of what Corrie Ten Boone said that "no pit is so deep that God isn't deeper still." With God there is grace for the day and strength for the hour. Put your trust in God today for without God there is no hope or peace.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, February 4, 2004 2:22 PM CST
His glory is above the earth and heaven.
Psalms 148:13
Well today has been a relaxing day. Kaylee has her good friend, Anna over from school. Grace and I are cleaning the house. Grace likes to take a wash cloth and wash the dishwasher and our tables. She is not just walking but running when she wants to get somewhere fast. Noah would be impressed. Kaylee and Grace are best friends and Kaylee takes such good care of her. She is very protective and loves her lots! Well Jason is feeling somewhat better. His blood pressure is down most of the time. He feels that it is due to grieving for Noah. He and Noah did everything together this past year and now Jason's buddy is gone. It is very hard for Jason these days so please pray especially for him to have special touches from God each day to get through these hard days.
Well thanks for your prayers for Jason's Dad--Vic. He is home and doing pretty good.
Please pray also for Christie who has CMV in her lungs and is completely sedated and on tons of morphine. She needs lots of prayer and for her Mom Carla and Bruce.
Also pray for Connor as he struggles to feel good and pray that his cancer will be gone!
Thanks so much!
Love, Heidi
Monday, February 2, 2004 6:15 PM CST
1 John 5:12
"He who has the Son has the life; he who does not have the Son of God does not have the life."
Jason went snowmobiling this weekend and the girls and I decided to meet him at his parents house. Jason, Kaylee, Grace, and I were then heading back early Sunday morning from Hudson, Wi. Jason was driving in a separate car and the girls and I were in the van. It was snowing a lot and the roads were very icy. Jason and I got split up and Jason was ahead of me. I just kept focusing on trying to go slow and stay on the road. Then I noticed Jason off on the ramp but I couldn't make that ramp so I pulled off of the next ramp and it was headed to stillwater not to a gas station. The roads were so bad that I couldn't turn around and take the chance of an accident so I headed for a gas station in stillwater. Well the gas station had no working phones so I headed for Target. I had to go buy a calling card and then called Jason's cell but there was no answer so left a messsage. Then I called Jason's parents and no answer so we took a break and then I called Jason again. Jason answered this time and he said that he was in Maple Grove so I thought great what are we going to do. I thought about the Perkins down the street or the hotel that we passed by. Well Kaylee was almost in tears and thought that we would never see Jason again and I was trying to make the most of the moment but felt like crying myself when Jason walks in to target where we were talking to him on the phone. I was never so happy to see him in my life!
Well then I thought about the long wait to see Jesus and Noah someday and how it seems like it will never come and then someday we will be talking and hugging and laughing together! Noah and all of us will be worshipping the King together and what a day that will be! I can only imagine now but someday I WILL KNOW!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, January 30, 2004 8:40 PM CST
Psalms 51:10-13
"Create in me a clean heart, O God.
And renew a steadfast spirit within me.
Do not cast me away from Thy presence,
And do not take Thy Holy Spirit from me.
Restore to me the joy of Thy salvation,
And sustain me with a willing spirit.
Then I will teach transgressors Thy ways,
And sinners will be converted to Thee."
This is my prayer tonight! To be honest it has been very hard for me to pray and read the Bible since Noah died. I know that God cannot forsake us but at times I felt like He had. I am praying that God will give me a steadfast spirit again to love Him. I'm also praying that He will renew the joy of my salvation once again. After loosing Noah some of my joy is gone. I just want to see the biggier picture and to have a more eternal view of life here. God's Word is alive and active and I know that God gave me this verse tonight to start me loving His Word again.
I pray that even when we don't feel God or feel like reading His Word that if we force ourselves to He will encouarge us and be our strength in the midst of our pain. May God encourage you through His Word tonight!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, January 29, 2004 8:10 PM CST
"What time I'm afraid I will trust in Thee." Psalms 56:3
That was my favorite verse when I was a little girl. No it is my cry to God to trust Him in the midst of circumstances that I wouldn't pick. I heard a great illustration today on Joni and friends. She told of a lady who is in a nursing home who has ceribal pulsy and can't talk. She lives in a dirty nursing home with overworked, underpaid people, she doesn't get good care, she drools all day long so she has to carry a towl around for people to wipe her mouth when they have time. She sits at the front of every bible study at the nursing home and has the joy of the Lord. Joni Earicson says that she could be bitter at God and angry but she has chosen to love God with all of her heart despite her situation which is terrible. She is a testimony to me today of what it means to trust God and love God no matter what!!!
Love, Heidi
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 8:53 PM CST
Thanks for praying for Jason's Dad. He came home this evening from the hospital. He's really tired. Thanks for your continued prayers for Vic and Darlene.
Well each new day brings good things and hard things. Heaven will be wonderful! Who knows Jesus could come back for His people sooner than we think! Could be tonight even. Can't wait for that day!
Please continue to pray that many people will give their hearts to Jesus through Noah's life and now his new life with Christ. That was Noah's desire as well.
We love you all!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, January 28, 2004 8:53 PM CST
Thanks for praying for Jason's Dad. He came home this evening from the hospital. He's really tired. Thanks for your continued prayers for Vic and Darlene.
Well each new day brings good things and hard things. Heaven will be wonderful! Who knows Jesus could come back for His people sooner than we think! Could be tonight even. Can't wait for that day!
Please continue to pray that many people will give their hearts to Jesus through Noah's life and now his new life with Christ. That was Noah's desire as well.
We love you all!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, January 27, 2004 7:46 PM CST
Please pray especially for Jason's Dad Vic who is in the hosptial. His blood pressure went extremely high. They don't know if he had another heart attack yet. It could be a blockage to the kidneys. He had a stress test done today and it showed something wrong with the heart. He is having more tests done tomorrow so please pray for healing and for wisdom for the doctors. He went in to the hospital yesterday morning and was taken by ambulance to Methodist hospital after they couldn't do any more in Hudson. Please pray that he can come home even tomorrow and that it is nothing serious. Please pray for protection and comfort for Vic and Doll tonight as it just seems like how much more Lord can we bear.
Jason's blood pressure is also extremely high and is worn out. This last year has really been hard on all of us with our health. Please pray that Jason's blood pressure goes down and somehow he can gain rest.
Thanks for your urgent prayers tonight!
love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, January 26, 2004 3:24 PM CST
Psalms 139:16
"You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed."
That is amazing that God knows every detail about us before we were even born. God knew our path would be a hard one this last year. This next year is even going to be harder because we don't have Noah here with us yet we are thankful that his suffering days are over. I had a dream before he passed away which I didn't like at the time because it was Noah coming down bright from Heaven yet it looked like Noah just bright and he came down and gave me a big hug and then my dream was over. At the time he was very sick and it was sometime in the last 2 weeks which were very very heart breaking. I took pictures and they are very hard to look at but it also reminds me how much he wanted be healthy again and he is now. He said over the last year at different times that he just wanted to go to Heaven. He would say it out of the blue and I thought oh no God's preparing him but I wasn't ready to let go of him until the last two days. I begin to pray differently that if God's will wasn't a miracle on earth than please take him he's in so much pain and fading away quickly. I think of all of Noah's pain that he went through and than I think of what pain Jesus went through for our sins on the cross. The movie is coming out with Mel Gibson on Jesus death. Please go and see it. Jason's already seen it and says it is a great movie. The movie is called the passion of Christ. Mel paid 24 million dollars of his own money to put out this movie. Mel also loves the Lord. Please invite many people to go and see it. What greater love is there than Jesus who is God and perfect taking the sin of us and making an escape from Hell. John 3:16
Please pray for Connor who went through the bone marrow and than got his cancer back
Please pray for Christie who is in remission but has fungus in her lungs and pnemonia in her lungs. Please pray that her lungs clear up even today.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, January 21, 2004 9:39 AM CST
This song says it perfectly how we feel each day. It's by Susan Bruk--in memorory of her husband Mark Robert Bruk.
My parents sent me the cd called sacrafice of praise--Heaven's not so far away. You can get a copy at Elmbrook Church in Brookfield, Wisconsin
How can I begin to describe the pain that I am feeling and
the lonliness inside
How can I begin to describe the endless tears I'm crying
and the sleepless nights
There's a brokenss that I've never known before
and a longing to go home forever more.
How can I begin to describe the holy love that God has
poured upon me through this time
How can I begin to describe the comfort and the strength
that has sustained my life.
I am holding on to hopefulness and faith
God is leading me and keeping me by grace
And as each and every moment passes by
I can see the day that Heaven is mine!
Heaven's not so far away and I can hardly wait til
were together worshipping our Savior face to face
We will fall on bendid knees to a place where sorrows
cease together we will lift our voices joyfully in
praise
Heaven's not so far away--no
How can I pretend that I know the burdens that you
carry and the wounds you never show
How can I pretend that I know the ways that you have
suffered on your darkest road
Just keep holding on to hopefulness and faith
God will lead you through and keep you by His grace
And is each and every moment passes by
Just remember you'll see Heaven in Time
Heaven's not so far away and I can hardly wait til
we're together worshipping our Savior face to face
We will fall on bendid knees to a place where sorrows
cease together we will lift our voices joyfully in
praise
Heaven's not so far away
Heaven's not so far away!!!!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, and Grace and Noah who has
arrived!!!
Tuesday, January 20, 2004 4:28 PM CST
Psalms 147:3-5
"He heals the broken-hearted,
Binding up their wounds.
He counts the stars and calls them all by name.
How great he is!
His power is absolute!
His understanding is unlimited."
I'm so thankful today that God remains the same when life changes. The feeling of missing Noah grips your whole being while we try to remain somewhat strong for Kaylee and Grace. Today I found out that one of my dear friends is moving from the area who has encouraged me and helped me through this last year so much! Life is always changing and here on earth I guess we have to say good-bye a lot. In Heaven there will never be another good-bye. That will be wonderful! I can hardly wait! God is faithful and will be with us every minute! He remains the same. Isn't it great to know that God will never leave us nor forsake us!!!!! Thank you Lord for your mercies that are new each day and that you are always here with us! Praise God for life because He created it and praise God that Heaven is soon! Are you ready if God comes today? Give Jesus your life--He loves you so! John 3:16
Love, Heidi
Monday, January 19, 2004 4:50 PM CST
Psalms 111:5, 7-9
"The Lord does great things; those who enjoy them seek them. What he does is gracious and splendid, and his goodness continues forever. His miracles are unforgettable. The Lord is kind and merciful. He gives food to those who fear him. He remembers his agreement forever. Everything he does is good and fair; all his orders can be trusted. They will continue forever. They were made true and right. He sets his people free. He made his agreement everlasting. He is holy and wonderful."
To be honest these last days have been hard ones. I miss Noah more and more. When I focus on my feelings and how terrible this last year has been and that Noah is not with us anymore I just feel more and more depressed. Then if I focus on Jesus's faithfulness to us this last year and all of the miracles that God gave to Noah is makes my heart glad. I have pictures of Noah everywhere in the house. Jason had the ocean picture blown up and framed. Someone at our church made a beautiful stained glass picture of Noah holding his arms out like in the ocean picture. Memories are everywhere and I remember all of the good times we had. He was so funny through the last year. From the last entry I never meant that Noah is not in our past but my encouragement came to know that he isn't "gone" but in our future to look forward too! Kaylee and I were talking about how she is going to jump into Noah's arms as soon as she sees Noah someday in Heaven.
We miss Noah more and more as time goes by and it seems to get harder but God will help us through each day! We love reading your encouraging entries --thanks so much!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, January 16, 2004 10:51 AM CST
"This is the day the Lord has made, Let us rejoice and be glad in it!"
We are still dealing with coughs and weezing but God has given me new joy today. One thing that encouraged me today was I met a lady in our health food store and she was asking how many kids I have. I said three. My son is now with Jesus because of his leukemia. She also has given her life to Jesus at the age of 26 and is now in her 50's. She said something that I known but how she said it encouraged me. I told her that Noah gave his life to Jesus about 2 weeks before we found out that he had cancer and she was so excited and said that Noah is not in my past but in my future! Isn't that a great thought! We will see and talk to Noah again in our future!!! What joy that renewed in my hurting heart today! It took some of the pain away and refreshed my spirit! I knew that but just how she put it that he is not in our past but our future. Sometimes that can seem so far away but it is not really that far away. For our lives are short here compared to eternity in Heaven! Thanks for your encouragement and prayers! We love you all!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, January 14, 2004 7:37 PM CST
Well today has been one of those hard days for us. I took Grace to the doctor because she sounded weezy adn she has RSV. I have to keep her away from people for 7-10 days so other kids don't get it. I also have it but not as bad as Grace. Kaylee has a cough but feels good and Jason is doing good so far. It was hard at the doctors because Grace had to have a chest x-ray and an RSV test. She had to go in the suit thing where she couldn't move and it just reminded me of Noah's terrible days all over again. I cried all the way home from the doctor's. Jason brought me a latte to encourage me. Well she is still wheezing quite a bit and it could turn into pnemonia if where not careful. Please pray that God protects her and that she gets over this quickly!!!! Also pray that the rest of us stay healthy. We just can't take any sickness after this last year. We are worn out!
Thanks for your prayers! It was a long, hard day but God got us through it!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, January 10, 2004 9:27 PM CST
This is from Joni Eareckson Tada's book
"All my life long I had panted
For a drink, from some clear spring,
That I hoped would quench the burning
Of the thirst I felt within.
Hallelujah! I have found Him
Whom my soul so long has craved!
Jesus satisfies my longings-
Through His blood I now am saved."
Wow, Jesus is the answer for our tired and thirsty souls! How good He is! I just read part of Joni Eareckson Tada's book--Heaven your Real Home. It makes me so excited for Heaven. Like the song says,
"This world is not my home, I'm just a passing through,
My teasures are laid up somewhere beyond the blue;
The angels beckon me from Heaven's open door,
And I can't feel at home in this world anymore.:
This book really has encouraged me since Noah is now in Heaven and I will be there too someday. It is so true that our lives here are so short and that someday when Jesus calls me home I will live there for eternity. Wow what a thought! So we are to live each day here fully devoted to Christ. Yes, we have great pain each day missing Noah but how I can smile knowing that Noah is in his Real Home now with Jesus having a greater time than I can imagine!!!
The good things of this world don't even compare with the glory that someday we will know if we have trusted in Jesus Christ!
If you haven't given your life to Jesus Christ who loves you so much please do it tonight! How you are missing out on life here as well as your life to come. Only knowing the one and only true God can you have peace, comfort, joy, and hope in your future!
1st Corinthians 3:9
"No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."
Matthew 10:39
"whoever loses his life for my sake will find it."
Are you willing to give up your life so that you can find your true life in Christ. No, life here on earth is not easy but with Christ we win!!! Heaven is our Real Home!!!
Thursday, January 8, 2004 8:08 PM CST
Psalms 16:7-8
"I will bless the LORD who guides me;
even at night my heart instucts me.
I know the LORD is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me."
We miss Noah SO SO much! I just wish I could relive every moment of his short life. Someday I will see him and what a day that will be.
Jason is putting on a new picture of a poster that Noah made back around July 4 when he was very sick. He looked and felt miserable. I went out to the lounge to rest a minute and take a coffee break. When I came back one of his favorite nurses-Cathy Throw was helping him spell some words on the poster. She had tears in her eyes as she read it. I could hardly believe my eyes that a seven year old, so sick, made a poster of God's faithfulness. He thought of the whole thing by himself. It is really a testimony to me each day when I see it framed by our computer. He had such faith and trust in His God. Oh, to have this kind of faith in our hardest times. Noah didn't worry or fear for what was next he just trusted in God to help him and God did help him every step of the way!!! Praise God for his mercy on us and grace over the hardest year of our life! We miss Noah so but are so proud of him and his witness that has impacted Jason, Kaylee, me, and so many other. He also impacted Gracie's life because he wanted so much for her to hear about Jesus and come to know Him and we will tell her and pray that she also will give her life to Jesus!
Thanks for your continued prayers for us all!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Kaylee, and Gracie
Tuesday, January 6, 2004 8:54 AM CST
AS I opened this journal I don't quite know what to write this morning. What is so fresh and raw to us cannot transcend through this screen to yours. The power of music during this time is such a healer and memeory maker. There are so many songs that bring us before the throne for God's hand to be upon us and songs that remind of us of Noah and his journey.
I have no idea why Noah had to venture this road and leave us at sucha n early age. I have no idea why he suffered so much with this hell on earth we call AML. I have no idea why His little frame was not healed and he ventured into life full bore to learn all there is for a eight, nine, ten , twenty year old. I don't know why he was not allowed to enjoy the honor of being a dad and watching his children take their first steps and hit the ball to the moon, or worry when his children get their drivers license. I don't know WHY? But I do know from the day Noah was born to the day of his death, God was with Him. God was with him when he took his frist steps, when he hit the ball to the moon, he was with him when Noah contracted AML, when he was diagnosed, his stays in the hospital, his suffering God was there comforting, his joyous accomplishments God was there rejoicing. When Noah saw the ocean for the first time, by the way that is when that picture that everybody loves was taken, God was there to enjoy a little boys amazement at His creation, God was there. When Noah's senses began to fail God was there to help him see and hear the next world. When Noah's body began to shut down God was there. And when Noah breathed his last God was there welcoming Him with His arms wide open telling him how proud He was of Noah. God was there each step of the way. So how is it that I could ever be angry or upset at God, He was there protecting, loving, comforting, healing, calming the storm. No I don't know why but I do know God was there for my son.
God is here now.
Love
Jason and Heidi
Monday, January 5, 2004 1:34 PM CST
From Nov 24 to Jan 5th it is birthday central around here. My dad's birthday is the 24th, Paul the 1st of Dec, Heidi 15th, Darla 16th, Joel 19th, our Kaylee Jan 1st and our littliest one is today. It is hard to believe she is only one. This last year was so packed that you think it was a lot longer than it was. it seems like Gracie should be at least three by now. She is walking now and learning something new each day.
Thank you for continuing to stick by us in prayer and love. This road is so long and empty and knowing there are many out there praying for us helps us through each day.
Life seems so different, Heidi and I are going through our house and organizing. I was just thinking last night to all the meds I did every day and the way it consumed alot of my days. The constant caring and loving gone like that. Our days have our time back but to be honest we don't necessarily know what to do with it. Selfishly we want the old days back. I want to hook Noah up to fluids and give him his chemo and meds, flush his lines take him back and forth to the Dr and clinics. It was a joy to stand by my son.
Thanks for checking and standing in there.
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, December 28, 2003 10:59 PM CST
What does one say when your chest is so heavy that you don't know if you can get another breathe in. What does one say when the tears fill the eyes so you can't see the world around you. What does one say when you ache just to hold your child in your arms. What does one say when the pain is so great.
The two worlds of truth collide constantly. The world of our boy walking in the streets of heaven running and playing, knowing he is not fighting the hell he did here on earth and the world of the pain that aches your whole being of not being to hold him and to hear his sweet voice. Missing the good night kisses and the hurry to sit on your lap or to tell you of something new he has discovered in his young life. Yes there are two worlds so far apart from each other but oh so close.
Our last week was a quiet one. Heidi, the girls and I went up to a Quadna. A resort up north. We had a queit Christmas with my parents and my sister. On the outside you go through the motions but inside nothing will be the same again.
Two of our friends have joined Noah on the streets of Gold this last week. Kyle and Max were beautiful children that won the victory of cancer. Please pray for these families as their days ahead will be very painful.
WE Love You
Jason and Heidi
Monday, December 22, 2003 9:42 PM CST
Psalms 121:1
"I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help."
My good friend, Amber sent me a Bible of the Psalms from 1887 today. It is very special to me.
Today we have been cleaning out our crawl space. We've been going through Noah's toys and just about everything from the past few years. Kaylee's been talking about Noah all day today! She misses him greatly but is glad that he is happy in Heaven and not suffering anymore. She woke up last night with bad dreams so please pray for a peaceful night sleep tonight.
Kaylee is on Christmas break now for awile for we are enjoying extra time with her to just relax. Grace is really getting a personality. She was so funny tonight and so excited about everything. It was so cute!!!
Well God is getting us through each moment. One moment I'll feel fine and the next moment I'm crying. It just hits us at different times. The last week and a half keeps replaying in my head--especially after Kaylee and Grace are asleep and I have time to think. Those were the hardest and worst times for me. Noah was so weak and not fully there. I pray that God will help me to remember the good times more and the last week and a half less. I wanted to just sit with him every second but emotionally I couldn't watch the suffering every second. I also had to keep Kaylee and Grace going. It is hard for me to remember how much Noah went through and how much pain he had. God brought him through some tough times. I never knew how bad cancer could be at the end. ONLY GOD brought us through it.
Noah is free now! I prayed that God would free the prisoner Noah from this cancer and he is FREE!!!!! I can only imagine what he's doing in Heaven. I am reading the best book ever for such a time like this. Some people who lost their daughter about a year ago sent it to me. It is called Heaven Your Real Home by Joni Eareckson Tada. It is so refreshing and encouraging. It is just what I needed right now! God knows what you need at just the right moment. I had just been thinking that I would like to read more about Heaven and learn all that I can since Noah is there now. I want to know as much as possible from what the Bible has to say about it. I highly recommend this book if you've lost someone dear. It will encourage your heart.
Well thanks for praying us through each day! We can feel your prayers! Oh how we need the Lord every moment of our day and night! He is our refuge where we run too for help.
Have a wonderful Christmas season not because it is another celebration but because God came to bring us eternal life through the suffering of His only Son, Jesus. Jesus is the only hope of mankind to have forgiveness of our sins and to make a way of escape from death. I heard a quote from DL Moody that said something like, "Don't believe them if they tell you I've died because I will be more alive then ever before." When you know the Lord you never die you just go on to live with Christ. Noah is more alive now then ever before!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, December 17, 2003 9:17 AM CST
I know it has been a while since I have written. I don't know if it is because of the lack of what to say or the fear of bringing too many emotions to my mind. But today is a landmark for the rest of our lives.
It was Dec 17th 2002, we had just gotten done celebrating Heidi's brithday. Both of our parents were around through out that week and weekend. Noah was just not himself. We had been taking him to the doctor since October to nail his pesky cold or whatever he had. We kept trying different antibiotics and nothing worked. Well after Heidi's birthday we decided we better take him back to the doctor to get some different meds. I took him in and they did the normal routine but decided that today he should have counts done. We did all that and then Noah and I went out into the waiting room for the Dr to get back to us on a prescription for amoxocillin or something. Well we waited for over an hour and we have never waited that long. To be honest I was getting to be a little impatient. I was taking time off of work to be at the docotr and all this time was going by. Well we were finally ushered into a room and waited some more and then my wife called crying frantically wondering what was wrong. I was so confused, Noah and I were just waiting for a prscription why was she crying about Noah. Heidi had called wondering what was taking so long and before they passed the call to me the nurse intercepted the call and asked if she could come in and that is what tipped her off that something was happening. Well needless to say my anxiety level went a little high and I was met by the Dr and we went into a little room were I was informed that my son had an elevated white blood count of 235000 and it most likely was leukemia. I froze like time stood still, never could I imagine such words being spoken to me. It felt like a death sentance was handed down upon my son. I called our pastor wife and asked if they could pick up Heidi and bring her over to the clinic. I called our parents and then went back into the room. You have no idea how hard it was to enter that room were Noah sat after getting such news. Trying as hard as I could to mask my emotions I sat down and held my son with tears running down I tried to read him a book until Heidi could get there. That day my relationship changed drastically with my son. No longer was he just my son who I loved more than anything but our relationship went to a level I can not even explain. We had such an unbelievable understanding of each other. It was like we could read each others mind with out speaking a word. We were ushered as quick as we could there to Children's to begin our roller coaster journey. I will share more of this journey later.
Even after Noah's diagnosis I did not think we would be here. We had all the hope and faith that between modern medicine and mainly God's hand Noah would be cured and go on to pronounce the good news of Christ. Why God allowed Noah to enter Heaven at such an early age, I will never understand to be flat out honest with you I don't agree with. I don't like it, I don't desire it. But I am thankful that my warrior is no longer in pain, he is no longer fighting this hellwe call cancer. I am thankful he knew Jesus, and he loved Jesus and now I am thankful he is the presence of Jesus. I am thankful that Jesus is watching over him.
When you are walking this road of cancer with a child yo have no idea while you are going through it how much it takes of you and now hard it is on you. Your entire focus is to get your child healed. people would come up to us and say they don't know how we do it. And we try and figure out what they mean, because at the time it does not feel like that much. But man when you get out of the routine and you look back you get overwehelmed by the journey. There is no question that the grace of God gave us the strength and energy to walk that road and hopefully we did it the way He wanted us to. I know Noah walked that road giving glory to God with his life.
What is it like losing a child that you love? I wish I could answer that, but in all reality to try and write the picture is an impossible task. One thing we know beyond a shadow of a doubt is that our child is in Heaven and one day he will meet uswith his arms wide open like the picture and come running full speed and jump into my arms and say welcome mommy and daddy. It is that knowledge that gets us through each day. The physical vacancy is what is so hard. The pain envelopes your whole being and whole existence. It gets to the point that it is hard just to breathe let alone get on with life. Every where you turn there are so many reminders of Noah and you get lost into those memeories and the pain comes roaring in and the longing to have your son in your arms to hold and to love becomes so hard to bear that tears stream when you least want it to or expect it to. You think about all the things you were not able to do with him, the things you wanted to teach him and to experience. I wanted him to experience the Rocky Mountains in all of their beauty, but the beauty he is experienceing sure outpasses anything here on earth. And that is where the two worlds collide, the joy in knowing He is with Jesus and the pain he is not in our arms.
People let me leave you with this. We as humans sometimes get so caught up with accomplishing things and finishing things and acquiring things that we lose focus of the purpose of our lives. And that is to love God and to love those around us. The pain that Heidi and I bear each breathing moment will eventually subside and will one day erase completely because there will be no separation. But if we do not know Jesus and have a relationship with Jesus the pain that is felt will out weigh our pain 1000 fold. If a seven year old can love Jesus why can't a 25, 40, 60, or 70 year old love Jesus.
We Love You Guys
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, December 14, 2003 9:08 PM CST
2 Thessalonians 3:3
"The Lord is faithful and will give you strength and will protect you from the Evil One."
We have had a quiet weekend. It is good to be quiet but also hard as we think a lot about Noah and miss him so much! Jason's Dad came up and helped totally redo the bedroom that we are making into Grace's and Kaylee's. We put up wallpaper and painted. It looks really cute! It is the room that Noah went to see Jesus in so it was hard for Kaylee to go in there so we thought that we should redo it.
Our hearts break as two families that we knew have lost their children due to cancer yesterday. Please continue to pray for Kyle, Max, Rosie, Christie, Duncan, Matthew, Johnathan, Portia, and Connor. They are all still batteling cancer and some are now fighting for their lives.
God remains the same. I think a lot about what Heaven will be like. It will be wonderful! It just is so hard not to be able to see Noah and what he's doing up there. You take care of your kids and know exactly what they're doing and than boom he's out of our reach. We can trust God to take care of Noah. I guess it's that motherly instinct that I want to know what he's doing every minute.
Well thanks for your continued prayers for our family as Christmas is coming up! It's harder every day as we are missing Noah more and more. We're so thankful that he knew Jesus as his personal Lord and Savior and we have great peace knowing that he is with our Lord. Jesus loves you so and we continue to pray that anyone who hasn't given their life to Jesus will do it soon. We never know when our last breath will be.
Only Because of God's grace, Heidi and Jason
Friday, December 12, 2003 9:11 PM CST
Please pray for Kyle and Max tonight as they are both fighting cancer and fighting for their lives. Kyle is not talking much now and sleeping all day long except about an hour. Max is still feeling pretty good but his cancer is growing quickly. My heart is breaking for all of the kids who are suffering so! Please pray for a miracle even tonight for Kyle who is not doing well. Pray for Max also for a miracle that his cancer would be gone.
God still does miracles and so I continue to pray for a miracle for these precious two boys.
Noah got the ultimate miracle. We are really missing him today! I saw 3 firefighters standing outside of our grocery store ringing the bell and I thought of Noah because he at different times wanted to be a firefighter.
God is helping us through our good days and hard days. He is faithful and remains the same.
Jesus is our only hope and source of peace!
Please pray for Kyle and Max's families tonight! My heart is heavy for them and their families as we were just there.
Their websites are:
www.caringbridge.org/mn/kylemyle
www.caringbridge.org/mn/madams
Thanks for praying! Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, December 10, 2003 1:34 PM CST
Psalms 18:1
"I love you, LORD; you are my stregnth."
Today as I was looking at Florida pictures with tears running down and thinking about how much I miss Noah I also couldn't help but think of how lucky Noah is to finally be with Jesus. What a day that will be!!!! That is where my hope and peace lies each minute! How can I sit and be in despair as I know for sure that Noah is with Jesus!!! He lived life to the fullest and gave Jesus his heart. That is truely living life to the fullest. We live by a paper mill and now it has new meaning to me. When I drive past it I think of this earth as a polluted paper mill. Heaven is like a beautiful sunset here on earth. We can't see heaven and yes I love life but really it is nothing compared to Heaven! How glorious it is to be with Jesus! What hope we have to live life here knowing that it is only for a short season and then to go to our real home in Heaven! I am excited just thinking about the day that I will be HOME too like Noah is now!!! Yes we miss him SO SO Much!!! Last night Kaylee had her Christmas program at school! She was so beautiful all dressed up and so did a great job singing and memorizing so much but we were also sad because Noah was not there to preform in his first grade class. There were angels and the Christmas story and than I thought WOW Noah is with real angels in Heaven and what a thought that was!!!! He is with God! Do you know for sure that when you die you also will be with the one and only true God? You can know today!
John 14:6
Jesus told them, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one can come to the Father except through me."
Jesus is the only way to Heaven!! Are you going to be there someday? Give Jesus your life today! No, the Christian life is not easy. In this world we will have trouble like the Bible says but it also says that but take heart for I have overcome the world and in the end God wins!!!! He has the victory over death!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, December 8, 2003 6:19 PM CST
03+++++.0
Joshua 1:6-9
"Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
God is good to bring sunshine into my life even when the past week has been cloudy. The song by FFH called Fly came on two times in a row. It was played at Noah's funeral while pictures were shown. I call it Noah's song! I love it! Noah was a strong eagle and now he is made perfect in Heaven! I just picture him flying like an eagle in full strength as he went to Heaven on Nov. 22. It seems like yesterday and yet it is about 2 weeks ago now. Kaylee is missing him a lot! She's only five and is having some hard times but overall she's doing good. Wow I wonder what Noah's been doing the past two weeks in Heaven. Maybe just sitting on Jesus's lap and running and playing. The song I can only Imagine is special to us to. We miss him SO much and the house seems empty. We grieve knowing that Noah is with Jesus and that gives my heart joy and I'm jealous. How I would love to be with Jesus too and my little Noah but our work here is not done. We have to tell many others about Jesus! That gives me joy to live another day with a smile! One of my prayers was that thousands of people all over the world would come to know Jesus and now that is our joy that Satan meant it for evil but God is using it for good!!!!! He lost the battle and God has won!!! What victory we have in Jesus!
My good friend who I miss today made me a necklace and I have Noah's name on the front and on the back was the date that Noah became a Christian. (12-02) It is a heart necklace because Noah gave his heart to Jesus Christ and asked him to forgive his sins and trusted in His love for each day! I hope that the necklace will give me many opportunities to tell people about God and Noah.
The only thing in this life that is important is what are you going to do with Jesus. His birthday is coming up. Will we just celebrate it one day and forget about Him or will we live our lives for God each day. Christmas time is nice with lights, music, and gifts but in the rush we forget about the true meaning of Christmas. Jesus coming to earth to save us from our sins and Hell. What what a special gift Jesus is today to us!!!
John 3:16
"For God so loved the world that He gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
Do you have this assurance today of knowing Jesus in your heart?
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, December 4, 2003 3:49 PM CST
Isaiah 57:15
"God lives forever and is holy. He is high and lifted up. He says, "I live in a high and holy place, but I also live with people who are sad and humble. I give new life to those who are humble and to those whose hearts are broken."
God is so good to give us what we need every day! My good friend Kimberly is up from Traverse City and is bringing joy to my days! How special she is!
We are trusting God for our every second. I decided that I could either be bitter at God or submit my desires to Him of Noah's healing and yield to His plan. I don't understand like many of you who have lost loved ones but I have to remember that God knows that biggier picture and trust in Him. God wants a submitted heart to serve Him and trust Him no matter what. It's a daily submitting to God and His ways! He is faithful to us as well as He was to Noah!
Today if you haven't given your whole life to Christ do it today! Jesus loves you so and is waiting for you to trust in Him. Death is final. We can't bring back Noah and when you die nobody no matter how hard we want can bring you back. Jesus wants you to love Him and to live in Heaven with Him forever. What is your choice going to be? Will you give your life to Jesus or choose to live without Him. He is waiting for you today. We know without a doubt that Noah is with Jesus and what peace that gives Jason, Kaylee, and me. He is with His God in Heaven!!!! I hope that each person that reads this can know for sure that someday you will also go and live with Jesus in Heaven!!! What great peace this is!!!! Someday it is 100% sure that each of us will die unless God comes back for His children before that but each will have a choice to make! I pray that today if you haven't you will give your life to Christ today! Tomorrow could be to late!!!!
We love you all and thanks for all of your love to us!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Romans 6:23
"For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."
These aren't magical words but a simple prayer that you could pray to give your life to Christ is
Dear Jesus thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. I ask that you forgive me of all of my sins. I want to give my whole life to you! I ask that you come into my life and make me clean and pure. I love you so much. Thank you for my new gift of eternal life and someday I know that I will live with you in Heaven!
When someone comes to know Jesus there's a party in Heaven!!! I know that Noah was partying the other night when one of his great friends Blake trusted Jesus. It says that the angels and all of Heaven rejoice when one person gives there life to Jesus Christ!
Tuesday, December 2, 2003 3:34 PM CST
Job 1:21
"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away. Blessed be the name of the LORD."
This verse kept going through my mind before Noah went to be with Jesus. I can look back and see how God was preparing me the last couple of days. Noah is healthy now and living life like never before. He is with his creator and King in Heaven. Jason and I were talking and yes we feel sad and are hearts and grieving but not without hope. We feel like we haven't lost a son but just that he is not with us but with our God. We look forward to seeing him again in Heaven whenever that day comes for us!!! For now we want to trust God and continue on each day. God gives us the stregth that we need for each new day! Kaylee misses Noah greatly. She said that when she gets to Heaven that she's going to give Noah a big hug! God has been so good to us through this past year and deepened our love for God more and to rely on Him for our every minute of life! We praise God today not because we like our situation or understand the why's but because God is God still and He loves us so!!! How can we not trust in His love for us today!
A Big thanks to everyone who has supported us this past year and everyone who came to the wake or celebration of Noah's life (funeral) and to everyone who gave financial. Mostly to everyone who prayed fervently for us this last year. It was only by God's grace that we got through this and continue to go on. Thank you so much! We love and appreciate you all!!!
Love, Heidi
Sunday, November 30, 2003 10:27 PM CST
So sorry it has been a couple of days since our last entry. Our computer would not let us sign on to the web.
After Noah's internment last Wednesday we took a couple of days away from home just to try and rest a little. Noah's body was buried at Hillside cemetary right next to my Grandma. She so loved the Lord and I know she was quick to be to Noah's side when he ventured onto those streets of heaven. The range of emotion we have felt in the last couple of days is enormous. You go from feeling joy that Noah is pain free and with Jesus to agony in not having him to hold and to take care of. But I do know that God has showered us with His grace and peace to walk this road. We are truly overwhelmed by your love for our son and our family. Can you think of a more beautiful picture of the body of Christ but His own surrounding those who need comfort and love and lift them faithfully before the throne. We hear story after story of how children would pray faithfully every day for Noah's healing, of adults who cry out to God for His hand to be upon us and for the countless thousands who lay our family in their hearts and in the arms of Christ. thank you thank you.
We are back home now, we went to my brothers place in Wisconsin to get away for a little bit. We had the traditional meal but really did not focus on thanksgiving or celebrate it. Don't get me wrong we are very thankful to ur God for each blessing. But right now the blessing of Noah in our live's is very much a front lobal thing. We had steak one night and as I sat there eating my steak all I could think of was Outback Steak. Noah loved to go there and eat steak. it was his favorite thing to eat. I remember several times getting home from work and my son had called me several times at work to ask when i willbe home, as soon as I got in the door he would hand me a coupon for steak at Outback he had made that was worth the price of the meal. Unfortunately as much as I tried to persuade our waitress to accept the coupon she just could not. The smallest thing triggers so many memories and the idea of traditonal holiday brings so many memories and trying so fresh to set new traditions is to hard. It was hard to come home last night to so many memories of laughter and love. Of good night voices filled with love, that only children can bring to a home. So sweet and innocent children are.
My little shadow has been replaced. Everywhere I would go Noah would follow me. He loved to do so many things and to see as much as he could and Kaylee would most likely be content to just rest and be happy. Well now she wants to go everywhere and see everything as long as it does not interfere with school. She tells us she can not miss anymore school.
I know I am rambling quite a bit but these days it is sometimes hard to stay focused and to find meaning of that day. Our goal is to glorify God with our lives but we have spent so many days focused on getting Noah better and healthy that now that he is we ask the question what is next for us. Don't worry BCC we are not going anywhere, you guys have supported us so strong with your love. I'll end here until tomorrow, sleep well knowing that with Jesus we have a future.
Love
Jason
Tuesday, November 25, 2003 7:44 PM CST
Wow, it has been a whirlwind of activity the last couple of days. So many family and friends came to love on us and our son in honor of his life. Just a true testament of his impact upon hearts. As you can imagine the emotional range we felt was so extreme. But God was glorified by my son's passing. his funeral did not even feel like a funeral but a celebration of life and our existence with God. In fact we know of at least two people who came to the Lord from today's service. We actually are trying to do something very special for all of our wonderful cqaringbridge family that has supported every step of the way. we are going to try and create a link for one day that you can go to to see Noah's service in full. We hope to have this to you next week. We will let you know if we can accomplish this and let you know when.
My boy who lived a short seven years left a legacy of determiniation, love and friendship to be matched by few. There is no question of his home now, there is no question of his love for people, there is no question of our pride for our boy, there is no question of our pain in his absence but there is no question of our peace because of our hope. My boy rocked this world for the cause of Christ.
You have followed us so far that we could not imagine stopping now. We will continue to update this page with our absence of our son but with the truth of one day we will be reunited adn in the presence of our Lord and King.
You guys rock
Love Jason and Heidi
Saturday, November 22, 2003 9:55 PM CST
Our son who grasped life with his hands wide open, never backing down from what life brought him is now holding his hands wide open on the streets of heaven with his hands outstretched to meet the arms of Jesus. This picture I will never forget. He won his battle of cancer and is no longer suffering but running. He so much loves to run and play and we know he is seeing everything as fast as he can. We are so proud of him.
Love
Jason and Heidi
Funeral Services are Tuesday the 25th of November at 2pm at
Bridge Community Church
1702 W. Highview Drive
Sauk Rapids, MN 56377
Review will be Monday with visitation hours 5-8 at Dingmann Funeral Home - 324 South Second Avenue, Sauk Rapids, MN.
Burial will be Wednesday time to be posted later when we receive details.
A memorial fund has been set up at Bridge Community Church, 1702 West Highview Drive, Sauk Rapids, MN 56379
Thanks for standing in there for us.\
Sunday 11:33pm
The emotions the go thru your mind in one day you can not even imagine. In one sense it seems so long ago that Noah left this world but in the other I look at my watch and think i need to go in his room and switch his IV's around. Noah passed away around 6:30 last night. He went very peacefully. Life seems so empty right now. I just want to hold his hand and explore the streets of heaven together. We know Noah is being loved on but as I was sharing this with Heidi earlier that he is being loved on and cared for but it is not us. And that not us feels so empty so void. The house feels so quiet. But even if Noah had the choice to come back he is in so much a greater place. he is walking with Jesus he longer wages war with his body. The last few days were so tough on Noah. The last day Noah could not do anything, speak, hear, see, barley move his body on the bed. his pain was great and we are so glad that God spared him from a long time of painful suffering. We are overwhelmed by your love and gracious words.
Thank you Jesus for giving us a son that loved you. Even though we only took care of him a few short years we will always be blessed and honored to say that Noah was our son. Thank you for letting us care for him and love on him. We miss him and hurt so but thank you for taking care of him now.
Noah until we can hold your hand and walk with you through the streets of heaven, we love you so much and are so proud of the way you handled life. Hey buddy slow down a little bit and save a little energy for when we see you. Love ya.
Saturday, November 22, 2003 8:33 AM CST
How does one watch their child deteriote in front of their eyes. A son that loves life and always has a fresh perspective of life. A son that taught you about life instead of us teaching him. A son that would love to do what ever his daddy wanted to do. He loved to help and he loved to love. In two short weeks we have seen Noah rebound from pnemonia and play with friends outside to a body ina bed that does not look like your boy and does not comprehend what is going on around him. He can not open his eyes. My mind keeps racing to a time when we and Joel went four wheeling together. Part of the trail had a section called alley oops. It was a bunch of berms in a row that you would go up and over. My son absolutely loved doing that over and over. This road we are on is called alleyoops. Up and down up and down. Only my son did his alleyoops with style, we are doing ours with much pain.
I wonder often if God is going to call Noah home why did he not do it that friday when he was so close to that door, instead of us watching this painful ordeal.
But we are still believing Noah will be healed. Thanks for standing in there. Even as painful as this is to watch and the suffering it causes to our son we know that our God's hand is upon him and protecting him. Let's be certain we place the glory where it belongs and the orgin where it belongs. God gets all the glory for the thousands of hearts who have come together for one little boy witha mountain of fight and courage. God gets all the glory for the lifes that have been changed or challenged because of one small boy and his zeal for life and faith in God. This disease is straight from the depths of hell.
This next request is a little awkard but you have to understand how encouraging this web page has been for us to hear of many people who are praying for Noah allover the world. Knowing that people are praying for us as our tears don't stop flowing and our bodies are filled with exhaustion. Knowing their our people who are waiting to hear of our son's trials for each day helps us to keep focus and make it through each day. My request is this, if you read this could you just sign the guestbook with how you found out about Noah. And if you know of other people praying could you just let us know how many you know of. I am overwhelmed at how the body of Christ has bonded together for one small boy and the prayers that are offered for His sake.
Thanks for loving onus
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, November 22, 2003 6:29 AM CST
A dear friend, Karen Send asked God for a verse to encourage me and this is what God gave her.
Haggai 2:1-9 vs. 6-9 says (I won't write the whole thing out)
"For this is what the Lord Almighty says: In just a little while I will again shake the heavens and the earth. I will shake the oceans and the dry land too. I will shake all of the nations, and the treasures of the the nations will come to this Temple. I will fill this place with glory, says the Lord Almighty. The silver is mine, and the gold is mine, says the LORD Almighty. The future glory of this Temple will be greater than its past glory, says the LORD Almighty. And in this place I will bring peace. I, the LORD Almighty, have spoken!"
Thank you for these wonderful verses! How we need peace. Noah is basically not coherent. He just wets the bed now and doesn't even say Mommy or Daddy or anything as of now. He slept better with little pain--partly due to some morphine. He is a honey still and my little miracle Noah so we continue to press on and not give up!!! I keep asking God to take Noah home to heaven if this is God's Will and somehow I've missed it but Noah is still here and fighting. I don't know if he even knows us anymore or anything but God will be faithful to him now more than ever. Remember the footprints poem well I'm sure that God is caring Noah now because he is suffering SO! Yes our hearts feel crushed and the tears are there but God is not going to forsake us now!!!! Noah told me Mommy God will never forsake us and he always loves us so. We wait on God every second to see what He is going to do now. No things don't appear good to us but God is working in Noah's body. We wait now as always to see God's hand move!!!
We all need your prayers more than ever! Cancer is straight from Hell BUT GOD IS BIGGIER AND WILL WIN THE BATTLE!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, November 21, 2003 7:58 PM CST
As Noah was carried in the house he just doesn't look or act like Noah. His one eye is bulging out so that he cannot close his eye. Both eyes have leukemia in them are look all puffy and terrible. He looks like a whole different Noah. He cannot walk now at all really. We have to carry him. He is extememly weak and doesn't talk only moans with an occasional mommy or daddy. The doctors have said that 3 weeks is the long end in how long he would live but I trust God for the verses that he gave me so I cling to them and pray for a miracle. What a miracle it will be!!!! It could be tonight! We will let you know when it comes! If God chooses to take him then I know that he will go to be with Jesus and wow that is total healing! The verses that God has given me talk of physical healing so I hold on and trust God for these verses tonight. He has not much strength left to fight but God says when we are weak then He is strong. Thanks for your continued prayers and for a good night sleep.
Because of God's love for us! Heidi and Jason
Friday, November 21, 2003 12:48 AM CST
2 Timothy
"The Lord stayed with me and gave me strength."
Psalms 57:1
"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me...I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed."
Noah had his eyes examined. It is all leukemia. Also the reason that he can't talk could be leukemia in the brain. Only God can clear this all up. We pray and seek God's face. Jason and I haven't had good sleep if any really for three nights now. Jason needs prayer for energy and stregth. I've had more sleep than Jason. God is holding us together or else we would crack.
Noah is so weak and looks so frail. He is frustrated and scared. He just screamed out last night for most of the night again. We can't do anything but rub his back, kiss him, and PRAY! There is power in prayer because we are talking to the God of the universe--our King!!! We have hope today because of God and God only.
The doctors could do brain radiation but then that will cause permanent damage to the brain and more problems adn the leukemia would come back in different spots. We are at God's mercy and ask for His grace.
I heard Nancy Lee Demos on the radio today and she said no matter what darkness you are going through we still have to praise God not for Noah being so sick and his suffering but because we serve a God who loves us and just because He is God. So praise the Lord for His great Love and His unfailing mercy and grace.
Put your trust in Christ today! He is the way, the truth, and the life. He loves you so and even endured the cross because of His love for you so today is the day if you have never given your life to Jesus Christ to give it to him. Hard times might come and will but God will be the stregth of your life!!!!! John 3:16
By His Grace we live, Heidi and Jason
Friday, November 21, 2003 5:42 AM CST
Noah is heading down to the cities to an eye doctor in a few minutes. Please pray for special wisdom from the doctors today for Noah's tired out body. Pray for the hand of God to touch his body and remove all of the infections and cancer even today! Pray for more energy for Noah and alertness.
Thank you so much! Noah's calling for me.
love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, November 20, 2003 6:42 PM CST
Deuteronomy 32:10-11
"He found them in a desert, a windy, empty land. He surrounded them...guarding them... like an eagle building its nest that flutters over its young."
My heart says yes God guard Noah day and night! God does! Thank you Lord for your protection for Noah and help.
Noah is going bright and early tomorrow with my Dad and Jason to the cities to get his eyes checked. They are not looking good but I'm praying that God either just heals them or it is fixable. Please God!!! They leave at 6am to head down. Jason has had no sleep for 48 hours now so please pray for stregth for him, comfort, and God's protection, and wisdom. He is Noah's nurse here at home.
Noah is sleeping now with times when he is screaming in pain with his head. We continue to ask God to remove this long road of suffering that Noah's been on. In God's time, In God's time--He makes all things beautiful in God's time. I want it now but God continues to say just trust me for another hour, another day.
The good news is that his white blood count dropped another 40,000 today from yesterday. It is down to 130,000. Praise the Lord for this!!!! God deserves all the glory for this. It needs to get down to 5-10,000. That's normal range. We continue to rely on all of you to pray and pull us through. Noah is going to recieve a miracle. God has told me through His Word and so I cling to this!!! How can I deny what God has given me or I feel I would doubting God and that is sin. I look at Noah and feel like I can't believe God's Word but then I have to remember that God is biggier than cancer and anything your going through as well.
Thank you so much for your encouraging words and love. People that I've never met are calling up to offer to clean, cook, or take our car to get an oil change. Thank you so much for your love for us!!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, November 20, 2003 8:43 AM CST
Noah had a rough night. His eyes look worse. All you pray warriors please pray and pray!!!! Noah is weak and not doing well. He was up most of the night moaning and crying again. Nights are so hard on him. He seems really out of it today and said that he can't see. I hope he still can and am praying hard for protection for his eyes. He was so tired when he said it so I'm hoping that it was just the muscle relaxor. PRAY PRAY PRAY!!! Noah is miserable and he desperatly needs God's touch on his worn out body!!!
We will continue to fight and pray for his miracle each day until this is over and he's healed! God is not limited to our timing, thoughts, or our ways. He can do anything!!! He is Noah's creator, sustainer, and King.
I am praying that God will move even today if that's His will. Oh, how hard to see him suffer and suffer. Pray that his eyes will be made perfect again and healthy as well as the rest of his body.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 19, 2003 7:57 PM CST
Psalms 118:1
"Give thanks to the Lord for He is good! His faithful love endures forever."
Sometimes lately I don't feel like giving thanks to God but I know that when I do I feel much better. God deserves our praise no matter what we are going through. He is our hope and future for each of us.
Noah had a better day with pain. He has gone the whole day with no morphine. He is crying in pain tonight and I just pray that God will remove the pain and help him to have a very peaceful and restful sleep. Noah is a fighter and continues to fight. His strength is amazing to us.
The good news is that his blasts are down to 72%. That is a huge drop. That means the cancer is dying! Praise God!!!
Also his white blood count went down another 10,000. He is on no chemo so this is totally God and God using the natural medicine in Noah's body. Thank you so much Lord for the good news today.
I continue to pray for Noah's eyes to be healthy adn strong. All things are possible with God.
Thank you for praying and believing for Noah's miracle with us!!! I still cling with all of my heart to the special verses that God has given me! His Word is power and we fight this disease with His Word!!!
Thanks to all of our dear friends and family who are praying for Noah! We love you all!!!1
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 19, 2003 7:06 AM CST
Noah had one of the worst nights of his life. He was up screaming in pain. The morphine doesn't even seem to help. I continue to beg God to remove his sufferings but so far He hasn't choose to do this. He is suffering so!
Jason and I are tired from being up so much but mostly just heartbroke as we sit and try to help him but he continues to scream in pain. His body is growing weaker and his pain increases. ONly God!
I know God hears me but I'm asking do you really hear me now? He has promised to never forsake us but are you forsaking us now? I know that I don't understand His ways but why Noah and all of the other suffering children. I will never know. I just pray that God will show someone a cure for this terrible disease.
I read the Bible in the night about crying out to the Lord and that Noah would live and not die and tell what God has done. The other side of me says that if you are not going to heal him here please take him quickly to be with you, Jesus where his suffering will end and joy will come to Noah. We can't bear this suffering any more and Noah can't either. Help Lord! Help Lord!
Thanks for your continued prayers--oh how we need them!!!!
Heidi and Jason
p.s. I know most of you have been standing in their for us and praying for our family and Noah's healing thank you and thank you. The rest of this message you do not have to read. We are fully aware of Noah's situation believe me, every second. Please do not be inconsiderate and start talking like he is dead or give us advice on our focus of his life. We seek that from God. I might seem a little hot here but we just received a very incondiserate entry in our journal that the person could not even sign their name to. We deleted it. but if you can't stand with us please don't follow our son's courageous journey that has challenged thousands of lifes because of his strength in our God and God's hand upon him.
Tuesday, November 18, 2003 5:45 PM CST
Noah has slept the whole day again. He only gets up to go the bathroom. Jason wakes him up to take his healthy medicine. We are starting him possibly tomorrow on some mild chemos. The cancer is everywhere it seems. Jason tested his eyes and he can still see somewhat--we don't know. They look really bad. The cancer is all around them and in them. He doesn't look like my little Noah. I spent the whole day crying and praying for God to touch Noah. He is so special and to watch the torture that he is going through is so heartbreaking. We just can't do anything but fall on our knees and pray and trust God for Noah's healing.
Our days have become longer than ever the past couple of days. He continues to just sleep and sleep. I feel like I've already lost him. He doesn't talk or laugh. He is so sick. I just pray that God is healing him every day even though we can't see any progress. I cling to my verses! In God's timing.
Please pray for
--his eyes to see clearly and not to be affected from the
cancer
--for all blasts to be gone
--for all infections to be gone
--for Noah to feel God's love through this
--for Noah to be more coherent and for his bell's palsy to
go away quickly
--for his appetite to return soon--he is skin and bones
--for God to receive all the glory
--for strength for Jason, Kaylee, Grace, and I as we
wait on God for comfort and grace and healing for Noah
We are praying constantly for Noah and weary from crying
Help Lord!
Thanks for your prayers--all things are possible with God
Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, November 18, 2003 12:38 AM CST
Please pray for God's protection on Noah's whole body but especially his eyes. He appears to me that he is going blind in one eye and maybe both. It is a very rough day for us today. I pray that God's healing includes his eyes to see again.
Thank you,
Heidi
Monday, November 17, 2003 7:36 PM CST
Each days brings it owns news and from day to day we have no idea what that news will be. Last night as Noah slept on the sofa I got quite nervous at his appearnce but he turned around and looked good today. His energy level peaked a little bit this evening. In part that was due to grandma and grandpa coming up and visiting and helping. They brought little Polar, a Maltese puppy to see Noah. Noah named him because of how white he is. We took Noah to the clinic today and received teh good news and the bad news. If you want the bad news first skip the next paragraph. I always like good news first so that is what I will write first.
Last week Noah's wbc count was 150000 on Wednesday and 235000 on Friday. The white blood cells is what the cancer is in. So as the cancer grows the wbc count goes up. The normal person nas 5000-10000 cells Noah's wbc is quite elevated. In the past the only way to reduce his wbc was with chemo. Noah has not had any chemo in over a week and his white blood count dropped by 50000 cells since last week. I asked the Dr the reason behind that drop and could not give me a medical reason for it. We can't wait until Wednesday when he gets his next counts. Noah continues to fight well. God's hand continues to protect our son and we continue to trust in God's healing of Noah's body.
The bad news is this. Noah's lungs are a little more congested so he has to be on and off of oxygen.
Thank you for all your prayers and love.
Jason and Heidi
Monday, November 17, 2003 8:42 AM CST
Noah continues to grow weaker. He sleeps most of the day. It is so hard to sit and watch the pain. His face doesn't look like Noah. He is skin and bones. We are starting him on TPN today. He just has no appetite. He might have a couple bites of ice cream or applesauce but that's it. We pray constantly for God to come quickly and heal Noah. Our hearts are heavy and hurting for Noah. He doesn't smile anymore which really breaks my heart. He is weak and weary.
God's Word is getting us through. Here are some verses that encourage my heart and give me hope. I've written them before too.
Psalms 107:18-22
"Their appetites were gone, and death was near.
"Lord help!" they cried in their trouble,
and he saved them from their distress.
He spoke and they were healed-
snatched from the door of death.
Let them praise the LORD for his great love
and for all his wonderful deeds to them.
Let them offer sacifices of thanksgiving,
and sing joyfully about his glorious acts."
This verse God gave me when I submitted Noah to him and asked for something new to prepare me for the future. I believe that God is going to heal Noah but it is so hard to wait.
Psalms 86 the whole passage that God gave me on the first day that Noah was diagonosed with the terrible disease
Psalms 118:17
"I will not die, but I will live to tell what the LORD has done."
Isaiah 40:12-31
I pray that Noah is like a strong eagle and that God will renew his strength as we wait on the Lord.
Psalms 56:3 "When I'm afraid I will put my trust in You."
It has been my favorite verse since I was about Noah's age.
A couple of encouraging songs that God has given to me are by Wayne Watson --when God's people pray there are miracles that can't be explained away
Also the song that God gave me just a couple of days ago that said--Your on the verge of a miracle!!!!
God remains faithful!!! We look to Him to help us and Noah through each day! It is rough but we wait on God to pull us through.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, November 15, 2003 11:40 PM CST
I will try to make this as easy to explain as possible.
First the Dr's report.
Noah had a CT Scan today that gave us these results starting from the top of the head down. First the Dr is pretty certain that Noah's Bell Pulsy is from leukemia cells growing around the sevetnh nerve in the face and constrictening it. For those who do not know what that is, Noah is basically paralyzed on his right side of his face. Noah's eyes are under distress because of all the leukemic cells forming in his eyelids. His sinuses are very full from infection and leukemia. We did not remove his hickman today. The Dr told us we would not gain anything right now except to put Noah in pain and risk more infection in his body. The jaw infection seems to be gone. Noah has an infection in his right lung that is pretty big but his left lung looks very clean. Noah's liver and spleen are very large and putting a lot of pressure on the rest of his organs. That pretty much sums up the Drs report of Noah's condition and there is not whole lot they can do. They have tried everything they know how and Noah's leukemia is very stubborn. Noah is on Rocephine for infection controla nd caspofungin for fungus control and then just pain meds of Tylenol, Vioxx and Morphine for pain. Some of you in fact probably most of us who read this get overwhelmed by Noah's condition.
But this is where the Drs reports ends. We know God is the master physician. Our Drs are top quality and we appreciate all they have done to try and heal Noah but now it is just simply in God's hands. Noah's organs, cancer, head are in His hands.
Some good reports Noah's pain is way down and hardly using morphine at all. Noah slept very sound through the night last night and needed no morphine and all day he has been pretty much high pain free. Noah has adapted to some pain as being common and doesn't even hint it bothers him. Noah's body has begun to make his own platlette's. His last count were very good.
Please pray specifically that Noah's blast count will drop each day and the leukemic cells on Noah's face will disappear.
As a family we are very tired and exhausted. You just want to pinch yourself and wake up to normalality(whatever that is). Our many thanks this week to Regina for coming up for a couple of days to help Heidi with the girls and the house and to mom and dad for your help this week with the kids. Judy thanks for staying with Heidi as I was gone. Thanks Amy for picking up kayle every morning for school. So many people praying and loving on us through these hard days, we could not make it without all of you laying us before God's throne.
In His Loving Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, November 15, 2003 12:28 AM CST
We have some decisions that need to be nmade today that could affect Noah. Along Noah's hickman in his neck he has grown a pretty big bump. It is about 5 inches long by 1 inch wide and 1 inch high. it is getting bigger by the day and we believe he has aleak somewhere along the line. We have ceased using that line and are using his port but the site continues to grow. It is traveling along his hickman line. We believe the line has to come out as it is now beginning to put pressure on Noah's throat. The dangers are many. if we decide to remove the hickman he most likely will have to go under the sleepy medicine as Noah puts it. the Dr worried that in Noah's condition he might not wake up from the surgery. But this hickman bump is not getting any smaller. We are on our way to Children's now to try and figure out what to do today. Please conitnue to pray for wisodm for the Drs and for us.
Thanks
Jason and Heidi
Friday, November 14, 2003 3:03 PM CST
Just a quick update. Noah's blasts were 93% today. His lymphasites were 7% and that's good. Jason will explain later when he has time. He understands what the doctor said more. His white blood count was high but it could be partially due to all of the infections. Noah is not lathargic like this morning. I was worried this morning that he had spinal menegitis again. He is with it and has alittle more energy --still weak. We are going to look at four wheelers now. He's dreaming of getting a faster one--so whatever keeps him going. Thanks for your prayers! This is a long hard road. Only God will get us all through!
Love, Heid i
Friday, November 14, 2003 9:45 AM CST
Isaiah 58:8
"Then your light will break forth like the dawn, and your healing will quickly appear, then your righteousness will go before you, and the glory of the LORD will be your rear guard."
A dear friend who I miss in Traverse City e-mailed me this verse today! What a wonderful verse! Thank you!
Noah had a long night with great head pain. Jason thinks that his swelling is down alittle so that's great. His jaw is still infected and he can't move one side. He is still sleeping today. He had three doses of morphine because of his great head pain. I pray that his pain will end so that he won't need any more morphine. I'm wondering if he has a cavity and that's how he got the jaw infection. Please continue to pray for the infections to be gone and for his immune system to come back. He is so tired from the sinus infection as well. Hie eyes are still all swollen and blood shot.
Noah just needs the touch of his Master's Hand today!!! God saved him so many times before and I believe that he is on the verge of a miracle. We really appreciate all who are praying and for all of the encouraging gifts and cards!!! We could never make it without you all! God provides for our every need! He is so good to us!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, November 13, 2003 9:46 PM CST
Hebrews 4:12-16
"For the Word of God is full of living living power. It is sharper than the sharpest knife, cutting deep into our intermost thoughts and desires. It exposes us for what we really are. Nothing in all creation can hide from him. Everything is naked and exposed before his eyes. This is the God to whom we must explain all that we have done. That is why we have a great High Priest who has gone to heaven, Jesus the Son of God. Let us cling to him and never stop trusting him. This High Priest of ours understands our weaknesses, for he faced all of the same temptations we do, yet he did not sin. So let us come boldly to the throne of our gracious God. There we will receive his mercy, and we will find grace to help us when we need it."
God's Word is living and active. I am so weak going through this last year but God has been my strength. I look at Noah tonight and my heart is broken and heavy but then I think of all of God's promises and help in my time of need and I feel blessed and loved. God will never leave you nor forsake you.
Noah is really having a hard time. He can't endure any more pain. The smallest scratch and he cries and cries. He is so worn out so I pray that God would not delay any longer and come in His perfect time and way to heal Noah. His back hurts tonight and his head. He is just so weak so I'm praying that God will make him strong like an eagle again. Please pray for his spirit to be renewed and for his infections to be gone as well as the cancer. The doctors can't believe that he is still with us and fighting strong. Jason found some more natural medicine that he started on tonight. God is for Noah and we cling to every promise and wait eagerly now for the moment when he is better and can run and laugh again!!! He is weak but that's when God is strong!
Thanks for your prayers for getting us all through another day!!! God is so faithful! How can we not trust in Him.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, November 13, 2003 9:40 AM CST
"Call unto me, and I will answer thee, and show thee great and mighty things."
Jeremiah 33:3
Noah had alittle better night. He only had morphine once. His eyes are still very swollen and looked infected from his sinus infection. His mouth is still limp. We just pray that all these infections will leave quickly and that he can regain strength soon. Someone sent me a card with this verse on it! I love the verse that God will show us His mighty acts. I so look forward to the day when Noah is better and we can all relax and enjoy each new day. It is beautiful here today and we are thankful for the sunshine. We look to God to meet Noah's every need today! Thank you for all of your prayers and thanksgiving to God for how He has already saved Noah's life so many times.
Noah's heading soon to St Cloud Clinic to get more antibotics and get checked out. Pray that they continue to have wisdom and that they do the right thing with the hickman that appears to not be working right. They think that Noah is to critical to take it out now but please continue to pray for wisdom as to when to remove it. We are currently using his port to access his medicine.
What what a week this has been--but God is still faithful to see us through every day! What a wonderful God we serve. He gives us just what we need at that moment! Praise God for His unfailing love toward us!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 3:58 PM CST
I just received the call from Jason that Noah has a critical jaw infection. He will be on antibotics for this and there is a mass in the lung but appears to be already clearing up.
God is so good to give the doctors wisdom to help us! Noah is going to live and not die and declare the works of the Lord! I know it with my whole being. Soon his miracle of complete healing will be here. We will keep you updated!!!
There is hope with God and He's giving me so many promises going through this time!!!
Because of His grace, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 12:51 AM CST
Noah is currently over at St. Cloud clinic. They are talking about pulling his hickman out today for were praying this is what is causing his face to go numb. One answer to prayer on that is that a doctor is up from the cities who does hickmans all the time. Praise God for this!!! Noah is sleeping there now and waiting for plattletes and blood. I believe Noah's miracle is going to happen extememly soon from the song that God gave me today on the radio. He's on the verge of a mirace. I cried most of the evening yesterday, all throughout the night, and this morning just praying and pouring my broken heart out to God. He will never forsake us like Noah told me many months ago. God always gives me a sign of a miracle in my lowest, weakest, desperate moments and so I take this song as a direct Word from God!!! Praise God--it has given me hope and joy again.
We wait on God for His blessings now!
Jesus loves you so much and if you have never given your life to Him give it to Him today! He will always be there in your darkest hours and in the days when everything is bright and sunny. He is the God who made you, loves you, and knows you! Psalms 139 is a great passage and I'm thankful for our merciful Savior even when our way has been hard and dark God is still our light! Praise God!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 9:44 AM CST
Noah is not looking to good. He can hardly see out of either eye now. His mouth seems paralzed and nothing is doing good. He just got another dose of morphin --it;s constant pain without it.
I said Noah let turn on the Christian Radio station and see if God will show us anything today that will help us and encourage us. The song that came on was saying how your at the end of your road, no one can help now, God is loving you, and your on the verge of your miracle. It kept repeating that your on the verge of your miracle. I believe that it is coming soon because time is running out adn Noah's body is failing.
Thanks for your love and prayers!
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 7:39 AM CST
Noah has been living on morphine since I last wrote. His eye won't open. It likes he has bells palsy. He is very scared when he can't see and I'm helpless. I just pray adn pray and wait and wait. God is God adn we need His desperate help each minute right now. Lord Help is our prayer!
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, November 12, 2003 0:17 AM CST
Noah is sleeping through the night with little moaning and no more morphine so far. We just WAIT on God for direction and His perfect healing touch on Noah's sick little body. It has always been Only God and continues to be Only God. We have wonderful doctors and nurses but only God can control our destinys. Thank you for your prayers of faith though we cannot see the future Jesus has given us so many promises of a miracle for Noah's life and we eagerly wait to know the day that his suffering is over and he can go to school with his orange back pack and run in with Kaylee. God is sufficient for our every need yet we know the race has to becoming to an end. I pray for every bump of cancer on his little body to be gone and for every blast to be gone and for full healing. My sister, Jodi is getting married this Saturday in Wisconsin and what a picture of thanksgiving it would be if Noah was the ring bear adn fully healed to walk down the aisle. This is my dream but God's ways are not our ways so I wait on him. God is biggier than this cancer--He holds the moon in the sky, He created the earth in just words spoken, He is God.
We WAIT!!!! ON GOD'S GRACE THIS MORNING.
I thought of what Corrie Ten Boon said that there is no pit so deep that God isn't deeper still.
Please pray for no pain for Noah--our hearts are so hurting for him beyond words.
He is moaning more now--pray
In God's Love, Heidi
Tuesday, November 11, 2003 7:32 PM CST
Tonight are hearts are tired and broken. Noah is in extreme pain and his whole side of his face went knumb and he couldn't see or hear. It came back and now it is starting all over again. The doctor thinks that the cancer is acting like a tumor and hitting nerves. He is doing terrible tonight to be honest. God saved him and can do it again. His lungs are clear but his cancer is everywhere it appears. We are so broken that words cannot describe tonight! I'm still holding to the verse in Psalms 107:18-22 and Psalms 86 my promises from God. Noah had a high dose of morphine to help the pain and is now sleeping. He was screaming out in pain and couldn't sit still. God isn't finished with Noah's miracles I guess.
Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, November 11, 2003 11:10 AM CST
Right now Noah is in a lot of pain with his head and ear. It's the outside of the ear. Please pray that the rest of the healing will happen soon. He had morphine and still is in pain. We kind of think that it's all of the toxins coming out.
Love, Heid i
Tuesday, November 11, 2003 7:06 AM CST
Just a real quick update. Last night Noah's ear were bright red and felt like they were burning up. We think that the toxins are coming out and causing this. He had his first good nights sleep in weeks last night! He is still sleeping soundly! He mentioned last night that he felt so good that he was going to try to go to school today! I am not pushing this one yet. His spunk amazes me but it is only by God's grace that He is still breathing and improving every day!
Now it's off to school with Kaylee soon!
Love, Heidi
Monday, November 10, 2003 5:59 PM CST
Noah has had an absolutely wonderful day! He really perked up when a sweet neighbor boy came over named Alex to spend time playing and laughing. They were not interested to much in toys but they both just wanted to play with Paul and Grace. My sister in-law, Regina is up with Paul who is 4 weeks older than Grace and helping me out. She has spoiled me in every way today! Thanks Regina!!!!
Well Noah is gaining energy every minute! It is amazing to watch before our eyes. No he is not done being healed but he is being healed before our eyes. His body is still weak but growing stronger every hour! He is going up and down the stairs, playing with the babies, eating little by little, taking all of his healthy medicine, and has a sense of humor back. He is truly a miracle before our eyes. God has and is doing it and I want God to be glorified in every way!
Thank you and please continue to pray for God is our only hope and strength!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, November 10, 2003 9:25 AM CST
Our hope is at this point only in God's Word. Noah is eating alittle bit now. He had mint choclate chip ice cream for breakfast with applesauce and a bite of eggs. That's a big step for Noah to eat again. He is very weak still but his lungs sounded mostly clear to the nurse yesterday. She said that she couldn't really tell about his spleen or liver without an x-ray. Noah does have some pain in his stomach that only went away with a very small dose of morphine. We pray that we will never have to use it again because we hate that drug but it does take away the pain. I pray and pray for God's help for Noah constantly. Only God can save Noah and we believe that Noah is in the healing process. I thought that it might be an instant healing but so far it is another time for us to wait upon God! Isn't that where He always wants us to trust Him for every detail and to wait constantly on His timing and for His help. Well thanks for your prayers and petitions and thanksgiving to God for Noah. He is my miracle boy and we continue to watch God work!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, November 9, 2003 7:49 AM CST
Psalms 107:18-22
"Their appetites were gone, and death was near. "Lord help!" they cried in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He spoke and they were healed-snatched from the door of death. Let them praise the Lord for his great love and for all his wonderful deeds to them. Let them offer sacrafices of thanksgiving and sing joyfully about his glorious acts."
PRAISE THE LORD is all I can say! I know that I know Noah is not going to die although to be with Jesus is the best for any of us but I know that God is going to use Noah here on earth to lead thousands of people to know Jesus for this has been my prayer for months.
This verse is my complete hope for Noah. If the doctors told me that Noah was healed would I not believe them--well Jesus gave me this verse and I do believe it fully!!!! He is healing every day and will live!!!!!
Yesterday was the hardest day for me. I had one hour of sleep the night before and they didn't know if Noah would make it through the night. Every hour I thought well it's almost morning and he's still breathing. I was so exhausted yesterday that each hour seemed dark to me but God's Word became clearer and clearer to me. Noah will live because God said it how can I not believe it. God used in my life other people questioning the passage that God gave me. They would try to prepare me for Noah's death and say well this passage means spiritual healing or God can use death for good, or many other things I've heard. They all are wonderful and just trying to comfort me and prepare me for the future. I was up all night with Noah praying while he slept and trying to figure out this scripture that God so clearly gave me for a time like this. God told me that no it is not talking about spiritual healing but physical healing. (snatched from the door of death)--that cannot mean spiritual healing because Noah when he does die someday he will not even go to the door of death but the door of life. Also it talks about appetities and that is physical. God just showed me while I was struggling to see why He gave me this. God is faithful and I do not know His ways but He also doesn't confuse us. He is a God who knows how weak I am!!!
Well Noah's eyes were yellow yesterday and his tongue pure dry! He could hardly halk because he was so weak and his mouth with no salivia at all. Today his eyes are clearer not perfect but much better and his mouth moist. He is talking a lot. Jason is giving him this natural medicine that God just brought in the perfect time. It has had great sucess and a girl in Noah's same situation was 3 and the doctors told her to go home and prepare for death and she is now 7 and doing great with no cancer. God has provided!!!!
Our race is not done but we put our 100% hope in God's Word!!! He will do it!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, November 8, 2003 10:40 PM CST
Well go figure, Noah always has a way of impressing people by his residual effect to the disease within his body. We got Noah home around 6pm this afternoon. Staff at th ehospital were pretty worried baout him today because of his quietness in the hospital. Noah went to bed around 7:30 and we were able to give him some medicine orally. Well he wanted to call grandma and let her know that he took his medicine and they began their four wheeler shop talk. Grandma has promised Noah when he gets beter that she will take riding lessons from him. So Noah was giving her pointers over the phone on the different kind of machines. He just kept talking and talking. He was sitting up in bed almost it seemed with his normal energy before bed time. it was such a wonderful night to see his love for people. In the hospital we had to keep his bed elevated and he could not sleep on his right side because of the fluids in his lungs. His oxygen % would drop below 85% and that was with two different types of delivery at the same time. Tonight he is sleeping flat on his back on his right side and breathing at 94% oygen in his blood with just a canola oxygen delivery. Do we believe God's hand is on our boy? We are holding onto hard the promises that God has given us. thanks for praying and checking in on us so often. I am amazed at the testimonies of people who have followed Noah's journey and the way it challenged their lives.
It is so peaceful having everyone home in bed and peacefully sleeping. Thank you Jesus, thank you Jesus for the gift of life that we can pronounce your goodness that you place in our lives. Thank you Jesus for your love for my son and your protection of Him. Thank you Jesus for your gift of saving grace on the cross that we might have life with you.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, November 8, 2003 2:01 PM CST
Well we are packed up and ready to go home. Noah actualy had a decent night rest adn I believe that is due to all the prayers you guys prayed last night. i am overwhelmed by your love and support. Please continue to pray for our family. It is funny the last time I remember thining about goign home for the last time from all the hospitals my thoughts were Noah's completion and victory over cancer not this. We are still holding onto God's hand upon Noah for healing. Thanks for checking in and signing the guestbok it means so much.
Last night as I shared to Noah about his possibility of seeing Jesus real soon the tears flowed but I did not sense a great deal of fear there. Noah has been one great fighter through all of this and has amzed everyone by his spirit. He truly is my hero and has taught me so much about life at seven years of age.
We will write later tonight with an update.
With all of our love
Jason and Heidi
Friday, November 7, 2003 5:35 PM CST
You have no idea how hard it is to sit at this computer and write to you.
We got the results from Noah's xray back and it continues to get worse over time. His liver is infected and has grown to at least twice it size and his spleen is three times its nornal size. The list does not stop there but that is enough for now. The Dr said his body is beginning to shut down. Even with all the turmoil going on in his body you can not tell how much pain he is in. He just tolerates it and goes on. The Dr said she does not expect him to live more than a couple of days and might not make it through tonight. She believes the lungs will fill up so that he will not be able to breathe.
What more can I write. The tears are way to strong to see through. The Drs said they can't do anything more and everything they are trying is not working so the meds we can take him off of.
These are dark moments in our lives.
We so desperately need your prayers.
How does a father go about telling his precious child that his life on earth might be very short and tell his daughter that she might lose her best friend. The tears flowed from father and son as we talked about God's love for Him and His life with Jesus. It has been a very difficult night that no one wants to go through.
Friday, November 7, 2003 3:51 PM CST
It has been a very long and hard day. Noah was up a lot last night and slept until 1 today. His breathing is getting more difficult. We just need your prayers your right now.
Thanks
Jaosn and Heidi
Friday, November 7, 2003 12:06 AM CST
Thank you so much for all of your prayers. Noah had it rough last night when I was there while Jason was at the meeting. He is having a real hard time getting a breathe. Jason's mom was with me helping out with the girl while I laid in bed with Noah rubbing his back and praying quietly so he could rest. Noah was scared at all he's heard by the doctors. I requested that everything is positive in the room. I hope that he can regain courage and hope. I tell him what Jesus gave me and that he is going to be okay and have a miracle!!! It is the worst to sit there helpless and Noah is not breathing well. God continues to be our strength and I'm not giving up any hope of His promises to me but only that it will bring more glory to God when Noah is healed!!! As soon as the miracle happens we'll let you know right away!!!! It could be soon!!! I'm not sure how he's doing today yet because they sleep in very late but I'm sure Jason will be writing soon. God is a big God and doesn't fit into a mold. He surprises me daily with His blessings and His living Word. Many people probably think I'm nuts but God gave me His Word and I will not doubt now. NOAH IS GOING TO BE HEALED IN A MIRACLE!!!!
My prayer has been for months that God will use Noah to lead thousands upon thousands to know Jesus personally! He has suffered much and now I pray that God uses him much!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, November 6, 2003 6:16 PM CST
sorry for the delay in updating. I kind of hated to write over yesterdays entry. oah had a very difficult night with not a whole lot of sleep. His white blood count held at 56000 this morning but did rise to 66000 this evening. his xray continues to show more fluid. but noah is up and about doing crafts and playing games. This morning all he wanted to do was sleep but he is up and around this evening. He continues to marvel the Drs by how well he is doing compared to the reports of his labs and xrays. We hold strong that Noah will conquer this by God's hand. I will write more tomorrow. I have to run off to a meeting on a new medicine for Noah. Thanks for checking in and more importantly all of your prayers.
Love Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, November 5, 2003 4:06 PM CST
Well I know I just updated a few hours ago but you have to hear this story and then you have to figure it out. I called Heidi this morning with Noah's lab results and his chest x-ray. Obviously from the results they were not what we were hoping for. Obviously dealing with the seriousness of the situation and the constant news from the Doctors and their advice your heart and mind can not help but to drift about the what if's. As Heidi was struggling with that she spent time in prayer and asked God for guidance in this. She asked God if Noah was not going to make it for God to begin to prepare her so that she can have peace in the matter. With that prayer Heidi opened her Bible for His peace and to her Psalms in which she loves to spend time in these days. The first word that she saw was death; she immediately froze and was contemplating in not reading any more but just to acknowledge it as the sign she was asking for. But knowing she had to surrender Noah she continued to read and hear is what she read. Now before she reads this let me refresh this morning’s news. Noah white blood cell count was 47500 up 20000 cells from yesterday; his ray should considerate amount of new fluid on the lungs and heart. Activity wise Noah is looking very good. So she read
Psalms 107:19-22
""Lord, HELP!" They cried in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He spoke, and they were healed-snatched from the door of death. Let them praise the LORD for His great love and for all His wonderful deeds to them. Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving and sing joyfully about His glorious acts."
Heidi did not search for this passage it was one that God brought to her. Many things like this have happened all though Noah's walk down this road. Some might see us as desperate to save our son or foolish to hang onto healing in bleak circumstances. If you were us what would you hold to? Our God is the reason for our breath and our passion for life. It is His direction we seek through this, not the reports of labs, or the advice about final care from the Drs but the countless promises God has placed along our way.
You can either dismiss this is odd coincidence
You can believe we are taking this passage out of context
If you do not believe in the love of God, you can believe this is a crutch for our pain.
Or you can believe along with us and countless many that God will heal Noah.
I heard a testimony from one mother this morning who son is dealing with leukemia that she never felt comfortable to pray for total healing for children because it can be our desire but not necessary the will of God. But she said that God has placed a deep desire for her to pray for Noah's healing believing God will deliver Noah form this disease.
To be honest I was the same way. Of course I want my son to live and my prayer was for our hearts to be in tune with God's. I surrendered Noah to God that first week he was diagnosed way back in December. I never imagined the road would have been this long for us. But when I see the promises and peace he brings to us, what else can I do but honor what God lays before us. We just want to glorify God with our lives and His name to be praised. I would never have written this way a year ago. But who is my finite mind to place an infinite God into my mold. I will tell you this has really challenged my faith and knowledge of God. Sometimes as believers we have our theology and somehow with that knowledge we subconsciously figure out God. God works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for hanging in there during my rambling but I thought you would really enjoy today’s news. Thank you for praying Noah and his healing.
Love Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, November 5, 2003 3:12 PM CST
Well I know I just updated a few hours ago but you have to hear this story and then you have to figure it out. I called Heidi this morning with Noah's lab results and his chest x-ray. Obviously from the results they were not what we were hoping for. Obviously dealng with the seriousness of the situation and the constant news from the Doctors and their advice your heart and mind can not help but to drift about the what if's. As Heidi was struggling with that she spent time in prayer and asked God for guidance in this. She asked God if Noah was not going to make it for God to begin to prepare her so that she can have peace in the matter. With that prayer Heidi opened her Bible for His peace and to her Psalms in wich she loves to spend time in these days. The first word that she saw was death, she immediately froze and was contemplating in not reading any more but just to acknowledge it as teh sign she was asking for. But knowing she had to surrender Noah she continued to read and hear is what she read. Now before she reads this let me refresh this monrings news. Noah white blood cell count was 47500 up 20000 cells from yesterday, his xray should considerate amount of new fluid on the lungs and heart. Activity wise Noah is looking very good. So she read
Psalms 107:19-22
""Lord, HELP!" They cried in their trouble, and He saved them from their distress. He spoke, and they were healed-snatched from the door of death. Let them praise the LORD for His great love and for all His wonderful deeds to them. Let them offer sacrifices of thanksgiving and sing joyfully about His glorious acts."
Heidi did not search for this passage it was one that God brought to her. Many things like this have happened all thtough Noah's walk down this road. Some might see us as desperate to save our son or foolish to hang onto healing in bleak circumstances. If you were us what would you hold to. Our God is the reason for our breath and our passion for life. It is His direction we seek through this, not the reports of labs, or the advice about final care from the Drs but the countless promises God has placed along our way.
You can either dismiss this is odd coincidence
You can believe we are taking this passage out of context
If you do not believe in the love of God, you can believe this is a crutch for our pain.
Or you can believe along with us and countless many that God will heal Noah.
I heard a testimony from one mother this morning who son is dealing with leukemia that she never felt comfortable to pray for total healing for children because it can be our desire but not necessary the will of God. But she said that God has placed a deep desire for her to pray for Noah's healing believing God will deliver Noah form this disease.
To be honest I was the same way. Of course I want my son to live and my prayer was for our hearts to be i tune with God's. I surrended noah to God that first week he was diagnosed way back in December. I never imagined the road would have been this long for us. But when I see the promises and peace he brings to us, what else can I do but honor what God lays before us. We just want ot glorify God with our lives and His neam to be praised with us. I would never have written this way a year ago. but who is my finite mind to place an infinite God into my mold. I will tell you this has really challenged my faith and knowledge of God. Sometimes as believers we have our theology and somehow with that knowledge we subconciously figure out God. God works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for hanging in there during my rambling but I thought you would really enjoy todays news. Thank you for praying Noah and his healing.
Love Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, November 5, 2003 12:30 AM CST
Well Noah slept well without pain and fever. Thank you God. The reports for today are not as favorable. His white blood count went to 47500 and his xray shows a fair amount of fluid around his lungs and heart. But you could not tell by looking at him. He has a good amount of energy and very much aware of things. The conversations with the Drs are getting more intense, more than any parnet wants to hear or deal with. They said we can go home anytime we want to and deal with Noah's quality of life. We are seeking God's guidance and peace for this. this is a very difficult week for cancer families here at Children's so much hard news in a one week period, Too many families struggling with this horrible disease. WE seek God's hand upon Noah for complete healing.
Standing by God's Grace
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 6:37 PM CST
What a whirlwind of a day both in activity and in emotion. For those who are just checking in for the day. Noah had a real rough night last night with fevers and pain. He had a clinic appointment at 8 this morning and the Dr came and tooka look at him and how hard he was laboring and became very concerned. his xray from the day before showed pneumonia and said we could go into the back room to talk. Dr language "i have a very serious thing to tell you and we better be in private" . Obviously in Noah's situation any kind of infection is highly dangerous but by Noah's symptoms the Dr does not expect Noah to live more than a week. They expect each day to get progressily worse. You can unless you walk tis road even begin to imagine the emotion that overwhelms you at that moment. We had to make a lot of decisions quick to figure the future out. Do we go home do we admit him into the hospital.
By this time Noah is definitely not looking good or feeling well. His white blood count rose to 32000 which is not good at all. His rash is definitely worse. We decided until we can get some direction in his care to admit him to children's hospital. Noah knows all the nurses and loves his Drs. Noah's Dr came in especially for Noah. So Noah got a ambulance ride from the clinic at the U to Childrens. At this point in time we put out the prayer calls and as you read his journal people have been praying for his healing all across this nation.
When Noah arrived at Childrens they drew labs and his white blood count dropped to 22000. it takes a couple days of harsh chemo for his body to do that. The only thing Noah had between labs was platlettes. And right now Noah is in the playroom making crafts with unbelievable energy. With what I have seen transpitre in the life of my son in the last 12 hours there is no way you can tsll me God's hand is not upon my son. I asked the Dr why his counts dropped and she tried her best to try and give a reason in medical terms but just finished with I do not know. My parents and our Pastor and his wife were up and were very concerned when they first saw Noah and we all are amazed at what we saw transpire in a few hours. You can't look at Noah and believe he only has a few days left with us. His xray came back with minimal showing of infection on his lungs.
Our God is so unbelievably in control. And we truly our holding to Noah's healing by God's hand. We have had so many promises that God has given us about Noah's healing. For those who struggle with this theology. I am fully aware we do not understand all the ways of God and children pass away from this horrible disease who bessech God for their child's healing. Too much has happened to Noah and to many promises God has given for us to believe any other but his healing.
Noah is a walking miracle tonight in which we have just observed today.
Please continue to pray for guidance and rest through these days.
please continue to pull on the robes of Jesus for Noah's healing.
Praise God for what we have seentoday. It is by His hand and His hand only do we see Noah doing so well.
Pray for the Max's family as they venture to FL for their make a wish and have to come back to some difficult decisions.
Pray for Zachary's family as today was his funeral. He fought hard for so many months but now is with our Lord in His paradise.
Thanks for standing in the gap. You guys rock
Love ya
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:04 AM CST
It is with a very distraught heart that we write. The Dr informed me that Noah has pneumonia and he is very ill and his body is working very hard. The Dr said he does not expect Noah to live more than a week.
Noah had a very hard night with high fevers and in a lot of pain. His rash at this point they believe to be Graft vs Host Disease which in this case could be a good thing. But his white blood cell count is 31000 which is very elevated.
Somehow we beleive Noah will make it through this. Please pray for Noah to be pain free but even more importantly for his complete healing.
Thank you for sticking in there with us and standing in the gap. I was moved by all the recent entries in the guestbook. Thank you, sometimes you feel like you are on this road alone but we are quite reassured by the countless masses praying for Noah.
Relying on Him
Jason
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:00 AM CST
I just received the news that Noah has only one week to live according to the doctors. He has pnemonia and his cancer continues to grow. I don't accept the news of one week because God is going to now rescue him from the depths of death!!!! His miracle is coming--we have to believe and have faith for Noah!
Thank you for your prayers of faith and healing so that God would receive all of the glory and praise!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:00 AM CST
I just received the news that Noah has only one week to live according to the doctors. He has pnemonia and his cancer continues to grow. I don't accept the news of one week because God is going to now rescue him from the depths of death!!!! His miracle is coming--we have to believe and have faith for Noah!
Thank you for your prayers of faith and healing so that God would receive all of the glory and praise!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:00 AM CST
I just received the news that Noah has only one week to live according to the doctors. He has pnemonia and his cancer continues to grow. I don't accept the news of one week because God is going to now rescue him from the depths of death!!!! His miracle is coming--we have to believe and have faith for Noah!
Thank you for your prayers of faith and healing so that God would receive all of the glory and praise!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 12:00 AM CST
I just received the news that Noah has only one week to live according to the doctors. He has pnemonia and his cancer continues to grow. I don't accept the news of one week because God is going to now rescue him from the depths of death!!!! His miracle is coming--we have to believe and have faith for Noah!
Thank you for your prayers of faith and healing so that God would receive all of the glory and praise!!!
Tuesday, November 4, 2003 10:40 AM CST
Romans 8:35-
"Can anything separate us from Christ's love? Dies it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or are hungry or cold or in danger or threatened with death? No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from his love. Death can't and life can't. The angels can't, and demons can't. Our fears today, our worries about tomorrow, and even the powers of hell can't keep God's love away. Whether we are high above the sky or in the deepest ocean, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Noah had an extremely rough night. He woke up throwing up at 4am and a 103 fever. Jason and I stayed by him in bed trying to comfort him and to pray for him. He talked about swimming with dolphins in his sleep and then his fever went down shortly after and he fell to sleep at around 5:30am. It was a long hour and a half. He woke up weak and feeling terrible today. He is really going through some sufferings. His hair is almost all gone which really made him sad as well. I told him he looks so handsome with or without hair. He just spiked it a couple of days ago and now he's bald. Please pray for his suffering to end and for his healing to come. I await what God is going to do because I still have the hope of a huge miracle! Thanksgiving is coming up and I hope it can be a great celebration of God's faithfulness and thanksgiving for Noah's life restored!!!
Thank you for your prayers. Grace doesn't have a fever today but is very cranky. Noah is just in misery and needs God's comfort and healing.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, November 3, 2003 4:01 PM CST
Noah's white blood continues to rise 22000 and his rash continues to grow. It now has taken over 50% of his body and we are trying to get a grasp what is causing this. The last week has brought so much pain in to our lives. A family we had become friends with at Children's lost their son last week. And a dear family that has fought this dreaded cancer for so long their son has relapsed and are searching for solutions. And our own son's NK transplant does not look like it took. I can not imagine a darker road to be on besides on this road without our God. Please pray for wisdom for us and we seek our next direction and conitnue to pray for Noah's healing. Please pray for the two families I mentioned above. It is snowing here in MN and a very gloomy day outside. Kind of matches how we feel at the moment.
We continue to hang onto God for His grace and love. WE still grasp everyday at Jesus robe for Noah's healing. we sur edo appreciate all your love and support and your kind words of encouragement through the guestbook. I know sometimes it is hard to write things and find the words to say but we do appreciate your entries if nothing more than to say hi and your thinking of us.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, November 2, 2003 1:08 PM CST
Just got back form the clinic with Noah. his white blood count continues to double everyday. Today it is at 13000 with 99% blast. Noah has slowed down and is beginning to worry us. Grace continues to get the high fevers as well also.
Please pray as I make phone calls this week. We are not ready to give up. Noah is such an amazing boy who has fought everything with unbelievable courage.
Please pray for Zachary's family this week as their precious son went to be with the Lord on Friday.
Thanks for your continued prayers
Love Jason and Heidi
Saturday, November 1, 2003 11:07 PM CST
We just love the hospital. WE got Noah discharged yesterday and grace Anna Spiked a fever so I had to take her to er this evening. her temp was 104.3. You gotta wonder how long is this road we are on. WE finally got her temp down to 100 and the Drs don't believe it is anything to major. So we just have to keep a close eye on her. it was a little bit much for Heidi tonight. Please pray for her as she sleeps tonight. It is hard enough with Noah but then to hear of her temp at 104.3 was too much. She needs to rest in God's arms tonight. Thanks for all your prayers and love.
Love
Jason
Saturday, November 1, 2003 12:42 AM CST
Well we checked out of the hospital yesterday and our staying at the Ronald Macdonald house until Sunday evening than plan on going home. Noah has had a couple of fun days. On Thursday some of Heidi's friends came up to visit and Dan and Kate with Zeke came up. Dan brought all his fireman's gear and Noah is still talking about that. Last night the house had a party and Grandma adn Grandpa came up and we collected lots of candy and smiles.
I took Noah into the clinic today for counts and platellete transfusion. His white blood count is not good. His wbc is 7.5 which is double from yesterdayu with a 99%blast count. Needless to say not news we want to hear. What it looks like is the cancer is about to blast off. in other words his white blood cells are all cancerous and are multiplying quickly. Leukemia cells grow at a much more rapid rate than good cells do. We need your prayers today. Exhaustion is setting in.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, October 31, 2003 10:46 AM CST
Praise the Lord,. Noah had no fevers last night. He slept so sound. But the good news is that his white blood count dropped alittle instead of blasting off. We are not sure what that exactly means but we like any hint of good news we can get. Actualy we are goign to get out of the hospital today and go the Ronald Macdonald House for a couple of days. It will be nice for Noah to be out of the hospital and ina little more like home setting. Our goal is to get home on Monday. WE take one day at a time.
Thanks again for all your love and prayers.
jason and heide
Thursday, October 30, 2003 12:59 AM CST
Well Noah broke his own personal record last night. Not that it is a good thing. He got the shivers again and spiked a temp of 105.8 under the are which means he was somewhere in the neighborhood of 106.4 and 106.8. His blast count is 99%. From his reports we have nothing positive to report. But we know Noah life is not in the Drs report but in our God's hand.
Thak you for all your love and support.
Love Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, October 29, 2003 9:46 PM CST
Noah started out today feeling terrible and hearing the worst news but the day got much better when Jason had the idea for us all to go to Grandpa and Grandma's house for the day. We had a wonderful time even though I was so tired. Noah started out with a fever and feeling out of it but by around supper he had extremely high energy. It was a huge change! Everyone noticed it. It was wonderful! He shivers from any cold and he went outside and said I'm not cold at all. He also said the cutest thing I've ever heard on the way to Grandpa's and Grandma's house. He said, "It feels like I'm going home!" (with a big smile on his face) It put a smile on all of our faces! Then to top off our day on the way home while Noah and Kaylee were teasing each other the song by Nichole C. Mueller--when I call on Jesus all things are possible came on the radio. I turned up the radio loud and praised the Lord for the miracle that is possible with God!!! We await this moment. No matter what bad news we get God is still in control and a miracle is coming!!! I'm convinced of it!!! I would bet my life on it!
Thanks for your continued prayers! Please pray for alittle boy up here named Max --(not Max Adams)pray for Max who is struggling tonight for his life. He needs a miracle!
Psalms 86 is my hope because God's Word is living
Love, Heidi
Wednesday, October 29, 2003 10:39 AM CST
Noah ahd a very rough night. He got the major shivers at 2 in the morningand then spiked a high fever. So this morning he is wornout and exhausted.
I was just about to write we have some news we don't kow about, but the research nurse just stopped by and gave us the concrete news. Noah's white blood cells are starting to grow which is expected but his blast count is 90% which is far from what they hoped for. Preliminary results show that the treatment is not working, but we are going to continue with treatment with hopes it will start working.
What can I say? Hearts are heavy and weary.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, October 29, 2003 10:21 AM CST
"For God is a great God and He preforms great miracles!"
Psalms 86
We need a miracle! Today Noah's blasts are 90%. He currently is not feeling good. He has a fever this morning which is not normal. Please keep praying for a huge miracle soon! Last night Jason and Noah came over to the Ronald McDonald house to eat and make a craft. Noah was doing pretty good last night. Today things are not looking good.
PRAY PRAY PRAY!!!!!!!!!!
Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, October 28, 2003 11:10 AM CST
Noah is feeling pretty good this morning. He had 103.7 fevers again last night. He has shaking spells as well. I wake up all during the night to pray! Grace wakes me up to pray! Only God can give us all new strngth for each day!!! We are all doing alittle better today. We just need to keep our eyes on Jesus and not on our long circumstances. It seems like it is never going to end after almost 11 months. We have to keep the faith of Noah's miracle and keep praying no matter how we feel. Thank you for your encouraging letters and e-mails.
May God Bless you, Heidi and Jason
Psalms 91
Please pray for Rosie who has had her BMT and is struggling with goulbladder infections. They are a wonderful family and have a lot of faith! Thank you for your prayers for Rosie today!
Monday, October 27, 2003 11:05 AM CST
Noah had another rough night! He had 104 fevers throughout the night. Please pray for strength for Noah again and for no more fevers or any infections to enter his body. Thank you so much! We are weary and this time is hard as Kaylee wants to go back to school in St. Cloud and yet I want to be here with Noah. We are planning to head back today for a short stay at home so she can see her friends at school and then we'll come back here until Noah goes home I think. Noah's taking a bath now and is finally up at 11am. He is worn out from all of the fevers caused by the shots.
Thank you for your prays for energy, stregth, healing and comfort!
We are tired!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, October 26, 2003 11:39 AM CST
This is my second entry today. Noah is currently feeling much better after some tylenol to get his fever down. We have been playing lots of games which Noah wins almost every time. Now he is resting and watching cartoons. Continue to pray for no fevers and for energy and a final miracle. He's already had so many miracles! We just pray for the final one. Last night I just cried out to God over Noah and also Kaylee who is having a difficult time with our unpredicabel lives over the last 10 months. It has been emotionally hardest on little Kaylee. She doesn't understand why all of this. She hates to see her best friend, Noah in the hospital and sick. It really bothers her. I just poured out my heart to God in the middle of the night and prayed again for him to bring relief for all of us--a miracle. I always pray that Noah would not die but live and declare that works of the Lord!!!! Also that God would continue to make Noah a strong eagle! (Isaiah 40:31)
Please pray for no more cancer and for a huge miracle that he doesn't even have to go to BMT but this would be it.
Please pray for Kaylee who says that she is worn out! She is!
Thanks so much!
Please pray for joy for all of us and for endurance until the miracle happens! Any moment we hope!
Love, Heidi
Sunday, October 26, 2003 8:10 AM CST
Please pray for Noah. HE had 103.5 fevers last night from the shots and flu symtoms. He's pretty miserable! There are 11 more days of shots. It takes until about 3 days after the shots stop to feel better. Please pray that God will just cause the flu symptoms to stop and that he can go over to the Ronald McDonald house to stay feeling great! God tells us to come boldly to the throne of grace and so I pray BIG for Noah's health. Thank you for your prayers for Noah to feel better quick and for the shots to have to affect of how he feels only on the cancer being gone!
Thanks a lot!
Heidi
Psalms 30
Friday, October 24, 2003 8:47 PM CDT
Noah has had a couple of great days. We actually were kind of in autopilot mode. We were able to get out of the hospital for a few hours each day and go back to the Ronald Macdonald house. However this evening Noah began to bleed in his urine and in quite amount of pain when he has to go. He has also spike a 102.4 temp. Though his spirits continue to be up. Please pray that nothing major is wrong and he quickly overcomes this.
Yesterday was a hard day as this floor lost two patients. And one is pretty critical. Pray for the families on the floor. Will update with any changes.
Thanks for your love and support.
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, October 22, 2003 3:28 PM CDT
Man did we party!!! Grandma and Grandpa came and Pastor and Judy and we celebrated Noah's love for life and his love for our Lord. It was so much fun as we watched the excitement on Noah's face as everybody came to celebrate this new procedure and have a time of prayer for healing and prayer of celebration. Even Noah's research nurse Dixie prayed for Noah's miracle. It is so cool to hear of how Noah is impacting lifes all over. His new NK cells were put him into his system at 2pm on the 22nd of October. The hospital even made it fun for Noah and gave him balloons and a present for Him. We had cupcakes and shared scripture of Gideon and the Midianite Army, David and Goliath, the woman who had faith in touching Jesus robe, and the blindman. And finally
Jeremiah 29:11-13 for surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with a hope. then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you. When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart, I will let you find me, says the Lord.
And we shared the scripture God promised Heidi the same day he was diagnosed, Psalms 86.
It was niceto celebrate, laugh and enjoy the love of family and friends.
My many thanks to Pastor and Judy for always being there for us and walking this road along side of us. Thanks for coming today, it meant the world. You guys rock.
Thanks Mom and Dad for being here today!!! We love you guys so much and appreciate your love and support through these dark days. You are such great support to us and thanks for the fun days that Kaylee spent at your house! That really helped out! We love you both a lot!!! THanks for your incredible faith and for praying for a huge miracle for Noah and truly believing that it will happen! It gives us hope that it will!
Thank you for all those around this world who pray for Noah and our family. It is by God's grace we walk each day. And knowing there are thousands of warriors praying on our son's behalf is a comfort.
Love, Jason, Heidi, and Noah
Wednesday, October 22, 2003 9:33 AM CDT
Here we go. Day 0. Today is the day that Naoh will receive my Natural Killer Cells. He will be transfused sometime after noon and then receive a shot of a drug called IL-2. His white blood count is 500 and blast count of 94 His numbers are dropping which is very good. WE should know if he is headed towards remission by day 14.
Currently Noah is doing great. If it were not for his bald head you would have no idea of the war that rages in his body. His energy level is strong. God has protected Noah in every procedure. he fights everything with unbelievable resolve.
Pray for the NK to work and Noah goes into remission
Pray for God's hand to remain on Noah and Heal him once and for all
Pray for strength for our family. We are beginning to feel exhausted form this long run
Thank you for standing in the gap. Will update later with how Noah does with transplant.
Thanks
Jaosn and Heidi
Tuesday, October 21, 2003 3:09 PM CDT
Jason just got done giving Noah part of his white blood cells. He is resting on Noah's bed now and weak. He did good through the whole thing. They had to put these huge needles in four times. If they move at all it stops the blood flow. It did hurt he said. Pray that he regains his strength quickly and that the cells were good. The nurse was alittle shocked when she looked at them so we hope that the machine worked right.
Noah is feeling great! He has lots of energy and is doing so good!
We continue to hold on to our faith in God through each day! It has been a long day today especially for Jason.
Thanks for your prayers for Noah and Jason
Love, Heidi
Monday, October 20, 2003 6:07 PM CDT
Noah has had another GREAT day here! We took him over for about an hour to the Ronald McDonald house. He really liked it over there. We spent time outside relaxing on there nice swing that 4 can sit on and playing racing car games. It was really fun. We got taco's to go that many volunteers were making. He hopes to go there for the last 2 weeks! Please pray that this will be possible for Noah. Tomorrow's the big day for Jason so please pray for safety from infection and protection from anything else. We really appreciate it!!!!
Yesterday Noah went for a walk down by the river! It was beautiful! He walked down about 10 long stairways and ran up them. I was out of breathe and he was to by the end of it but he was so excited to be out in the fresh air!!!
Noah spiked his hair today from gel that Aveda stylists gave him. He was so excited! Three aveda stylists came to the Ronald McDonald house to cut hair. Grace and I both had our hair cut! It was really nice!
Well God is giving us strength and refreshment at the Ronald McDonald house. He has given me opportunities to tell otheres about Jesus and please pray for more opportunities!!!!
Noah is looking great, fever free, and going strong! It makes it so much easier to be here than a couple of days ago when he was miserable! God uses peoples pray! Please continue to pray for Noah --we count on it! God has been so good to give us this nice break from sickness! We are so thankful for every good day!
THANKS SO MUCH,
Heidi, Jason, Noah, Kaylee, and Gracie
Psalms 89:8-11
"O Lord God Almighty!
Where is there anyone as mighty as you, Lord?
Faithfulness is your very character.
You are the one who rules the oceans.
When their waves rise in fearful storms, you subdue them all.
You are the one who crushed the great sea monster.
You scattered your enemies with your mighty arm.
The heavens are yours, and the earth is yours;
everything in the world is
yours-you created it all."
Sunday, October 19, 2003 2:26 PM CDT
Today Noah is having a GREAT day!!! He is bored here which is a good sign. He wanted to go for a walk out in the halls so I said lets go. The nurses were shocked because I guess we weren't suppose to go out of the room without asking. Oh well they let us take a quick walk to the toy room. His temp is perfect and he has good energy. The doctors said that if he keeps feeling this good he can come over with us to the Ronald McDonald house for the last 2 weeks. He is eating great today and is doing fantastic! I'm so thankful and so many are praying for Noah that it uplifts our spirits. Pray for Jason--he is really worn out and he has to have all of his blood pumped out on Tuesday. They put in into Noah Wednesday and then he gets 14 shots which he doesn't know about yet. One every day for 14 days. It would be great if he could stay at the Ronald McDonald house 2 blocks down the street with all of us! There's so much to do there. It's pretty cool although there's no place like home. Something else exciting is that Noah can spike his hair. After his bath today I said Noah look you can spike your hair and he was pretty excited. We just need some gel. Grandpa Vic came today to help me out while Jason and Kaylee went to church. They are heading here now. Thanks for your continued prayers. Each day is different and so we have to rely on God for our peace and comfort!
Psalms 80:2-3
"Show us your mighty power. Come to rescue us! Turn us again to yourself, O God. Make your face shine down upon us. Only then will we be saved."
Please also pray for protection and quick recovers to Christie, Rosie, Max, a new Max we've just started getting to know the parents, Connor, and all of the other families who are praying for miracles.
Love, Heidi
Friday, October 17, 2003 11:10 PM CDT
Just a real quick update. Noah has spiked a fever and his stomach hurts him alot. It is a miser watching your child suffer. His counts continue to drop which is very good. Some good news the third person on this NK trial has gotten into remission. Again this procedure is brand new and is very much research treatment. Noah will be the fourth patient in the history of this treatment and the first child to have it done. WE are kinda of in autopilot mode. WE had a visitor from someone we have not seen in years. Jeni stopped by to say hi and check on Noah. WE knew Jeni back in Traverse City. It was fun to see her again.
Just a quick note, please pray for Max and Rosie this evening as both have had some setbacks.
Thank you for all your prayers. We can't wait to all be home underneath one roof.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, October 15, 2003 6:08 PM CDT
Sometimes it gets difficult to sit at this keyboard and type out the progress of the day. Not necessary because of Noah's welfare at the moment but the sheer exhaustion of dealing with this stress 24/7. Thank you for faithfully praying for Noah even without an update.
Well here we go, We arrived at the hospital at 9am for a quick exam and then to be admitted for the NK procedure. Like the rest of the last nine months, things did not go as planned. We got there adn Noah has a bump on his neck and the Dr wsa not sure what th ebump could be. So Noah had to have an ultrasound done and a platellete transfusiion, and then we sat what seems like days for a decision. We did not know if we would be sent home or he would be admitted. They decided to admit him but not start the procedure until they know that the bump was not an infection. At this point in time we knew people were praying. Things started to line up for us. We were admitted at 4pm and started to talk about replacing the hickmann. Which means he would have to have surgery that would be a lot for him right now. Instaed he had a special xray to track die and they immediately found that his line was ok and would not have to have a line replacement. Thank you God. So we are settled into the room and the procedure was started today with Chemo. I am actually right now back in the St Cloud area for Youth Ministry tonight and my dad is sitting with Noah. We continue to appreciate your prayers and support. Will update with further news tomorrow. Thanks for standing in the gap.
Love Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, October 15, 2003 6:01 PM CDT
A prayer was answered today! Noah didn't have an infection in his hickman and he did not have to have surgery. Yesterday they had to do a biapsy of his neck and it really hurt him but he's okay today. He starts high dose chemo today through Monday. Then Jason gets all of his blood pumped out over 5 hours and the good white blood cells get put into Noah. Hopefully this will get Noah into remission. Please pray for protection for Noah and Jason over this next week. Jason gets his blood run through a machine next Wednesday I believe. Pray for Noah for protection with no immune adn high dose chemo. We apprecitate your prayers so very much! Thank you with all of our hearts! Pray changes things and God wants his people to pray! Also He wants us to have unwavering faith. A lack of faith is sin and so we pray for more faith everyday. God is in control even when we can't see what's happening and wish we could. God knows our hearts that are heavy and He takes the burden from us and helps us to keep on keeping on. Thanks again!
Love, Heidi
Monday, October 13, 2003 11:43 PM CDT
Well here we go, we are on the eve of a major conflict. It reminds me of when Gideon went out with 30,000 men to face the enemies of Israel who heavily outnumbered them, and God told Gideon he has to many men so he sent those who wanted to leave to go home and many left and God said he still had too many men, because God wanted all men it was not by man's work that this conquest was one but by God's hand. So Gideon sent more men home so he only had 300 me left to face thousands of Israel's enemy. And God proved faithful and that night Gideon and the men of Israel were triumphant by the hand of God.
When we first entered this arena we had many big guns to go after this disease, the Doctors had an aresnal of weapons at their disposal to combat this enemy and one by one the used those chemos and they had no affect, and one by one their aresanl got shorter and until it became nonexistent. The cancer still stands and the chemo supply is gone. The doctors have now said it will be the miracle cure that heals Noah. If it were not for the peace and the promises that God has placed in our lives we would definitely feel lost and out of hope. but we know our God is way bigger than this enemy and at anytime can claim victory over it. We hold Gideon's victory as God's hand at work as we hold Noah's healing will be God's hand at work.
From a human perspetive the future looks very bleak but we have and serve a mighty God. Don't think we are fools and living in denial. WE are fully aware of our situation and believe me there is not a person alive who would want to be in our shoes.
I am amazed by the countless thousands who plead with our God for our son's healing. Our precious seven year old has touched and challenged more people in his conquest to love than his father who is a full time pastor. God is being glorified by something the enemy meant as evil God is getting praise because of one boy's faith in His God and his desire and determination to overcome.
So this conquest we are about to begin will be a visit at the clinic to make sure Noah is still ok for teh NK transplat. They did discover some unusaul cell activity in the spinal fluid and we are praying it is not going to hinder the transplant. If everything is successful we will be admitted at 10am to the hospital for three weeks. teh first week will be a work up week with lots of chemo to prepare his body for my cells to go in and take care of business. Pray for God's hand to be upon Noah's body. Wisodm for Dr and for us to be able to adjust to a new hospital. Childrens wasa great hospital and we are now transferring to U of M for this trial. Thank you to all of you who stand in the gap for us. Who plead by God's grace we have life and can make requests to our God. Thank you, thank you.
I will update as soon as we have something to give ya.
Love Jason and Heidi
Monday, October 13, 2003 10:48 AM CDT
Noah had a rough night. His left side is hurting him a lot. He was up crying in the night and moaning. His toe is black this morning and his mouth hurts. He is at the doctors here is St. Cloud getting checked out. He is weary today and so are we. I cried all the way home from taking Kaylee to school asking God to fulfill His promises that He gave me in Psalms 86. He is faithful and I have to ask for more faith to heal Noah hurting body. Please pray fervently and constantly for Noah's protection and for a complete healing to flow through his little sick body. God is more powerful than anything else and I know that He allows suffering for a time but I'm praying that the time has come now for healing and refreshment for him and all of us. Thank you for your prayers! We continue to wait on God!
Psalms 86:7
"I will call to you whenever trouble strikes, and you will answer me."
Psalms 86:13
"for your love for me (Noah) is very great. You have rescued me (Noah) from the depths of death!"
In Christ, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, October 12, 2003 8:55 PM CDT
Today Noah had a pretty good day. A couple of times he had a lot of pain and then I would pray with him and wait and the pain would lessen and then go away. He was outside playing with neighbor kids for a few hours and then had part of a steak from Outback Steakhouse--his favorite. His appietite is lacking the last couple of days. We continue to hold on to faith in God that he is going to do a HUGE miracle in His perfect timing! We will not give up the fight and doubt God. He gave me Psalms 86 and there are so many promises to cling to in the worst of times. His Word is living and active! We can trust every word of it and cling to it with all of our hearts! I pray that many will come to know God personally or if they already have a personal realationship with God that they would grow in it and trust God more. Every day I have to pray for more faith and not to doubt God's promises to me. It is not easy going through these days but God is with us and He will help us and provide! Thank you for your prayers for Noah not to have pain and for no infections or organ failures.
Psalms 56:3
"What time I'm afraid I will trust in Thee." This is my favorite verse from when I was 3 years old.
Only by God's grace, Heidi and family
Saturday, October 11, 2003 2:29 PM CDT
We are at a very tumultous time right now. Noah white blood count did drop from 113k to 87k and from 100%blasts to 89% blasts. Which is good news. So Dr bendel is going to allow us to go home today. She came in on her day off just to see Noah. We had a very long talk about Noah's future and gave us some options for the future. None that are easy short of God's hand touching our child and removing this disease from his body.
Noah continues to do well except some stomach and back pain. He is looking forward to going home for a few days. All medical evidence does not look well for Noah. But Heidi and I and countless of you have this peace about Noah and his future. We are holding onto that peace and strength in knowing God is in control.
Buried in God's Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, October 10, 2003 5:24 PM CDT
(Saturday at 2:25pm)pss I wanted to just enter that Noah will be going home today until Tuesday. His counts did drop a little.
Our fighter keeps amazing the Drs. The Docs get a look at Noah's blood counts and are expecting a lot different looking Noah. if you were to observe Noah, he is full of energy and life not so with his counts. Now more than ever are we at a critical phase. Noah has a 100,000 white blood count. You and I have about 5-10,000 count. Also his blast count which in this phase means cancer count is 100 meaning all of his white blood cells are cancerous with absolutely no immune system whatsoever. His white blood cells are growing at a very rapid rate. they wanted to admit him over at the U of M while we were there doing pretests for the NK transplant but we deceided it wold be better to put himin a familiar enviroment over at Children's. So here we are up on 8 holding onto God's grace and mercy for our lives each day. You look for answers each day and you do not find,but we do find hints of God's goodness on how a little 7 year old has impacted thousands of lives. Four days ago we were in Florida having the fun a family of five belongs having and now we are back to the split home. Heidi with the girls and I with Noah.
Let me be very blunt and upfront. The Docs do not expect Noah to make it much longer maybe a couple of weeks, with his counts so high so many complications can arise not to mention no immune system. We are no where ready to concede this fight, we are holding onto faith that Noah will be healed on the 11th hour. That hour has struck. God knows where our lives will be in a year, we are simple creatures that God has blessed with a soul and the opportunity to love Him. We hold onto that love of our God and His peace amongst us at this time.
The plan is this, over the weekend the goal wil be to get the WBC under control so that on Tuesday we can head back to the U of M to try the NK transplant, which will entail about three weeks in the hospital.
Thank you to all those across this world who hold Noah in their prayers and love. Thanks for standing in the gap and praying for our son's miracalous healing. We are holding to that. Thank you for being at the throne of God pleading. My cousin put it best in a entry a few weeks ago, no longer are we praying put pulling on the robe of Christ. The faith of thousands are at that throne. Thank You.
We stand in God's grace
Jason and Heidi
ps I just read that the caringbridge website is going to be under constructin which means we might be able to update for three days. We will update as soon as it will allow us.
Friday, October 10, 2003 12:40 AM CDT
This is my second entry for today but I have critical news. Noah's blasts are 100% today. They are going to admit him because of the severity of this. Please pray for Noah strength and help in times of trouble! He has no immune at all because the blasts are 100%. He needs God's help now more than ever!
Love, Heidi
Friday, October 10, 2003 8:55 AM CDT
Psalms 63:6-8
"When I remember Thee on my bed,
I meditate on Thee in the night watches,
For Thou hast been my help,
And in the shadow of Thy wings I sing for joy.
My soul clings to Thee;
Thy right hand upholds me."
Please pray for Noah today as he has his spinal tap and bone marrow test at 1pm. If he continue in this process he will go back Monday for the workup and then admitted to the U on Wednesday the 15th of October for 3 weeks. He will have chemo for one week and then Jason's bone marrow and then two weeks to recover. I was up a lot in the night praying for God to help Noah and heal him miracously. Thank you for your steadfast prayers! Today could be the day of perfect counts! This is what I pray but God's timing is perfect and I don't know what His timing is. We continue to wait on God! It's so hard yet who better to wait on.
Psalms 62:5
"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation adn my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge in in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your hearts before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
Asking for His mercy and grace on us, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, October 9, 2003 1:00 PM CDT
Today as I write this I just feel sick to my stomach. Noah is currently at Chilfren's and his counts are not good but terrible. They are the worse that they have ever been yet I have to have faith and believe in God's promises to me in Psalms 86. God is God and nothing is to hard for our Almighty God of the universe.
Noah's cancer is 96% today. His plattlettes are 2 and no immune system at all. His hemo is the only good number at 9.5. The doctor talked to Jason today about the quality of life for Noah. Noah will be going to the U tomorrow morning to have a spinal tap and a bone marrow to see what this shows. If there is any cancer in the spinal fluid then the doctors are done with treatment. If there is no cancer there then Jason will have a bone marrow and give it to Noah after he has more chemo for a week. This would hopefully put him into remission. I'm just counting on a miracle!!!! God knows our needs and this morning Noah was singing about how much Jesus loves him. Jason and I just looked at each other and smiled! What faith! Noah is a strong little man of God! We just continue to pray hard and ask God to preform a HUGE miracle! May all of the glory and praise go to God! Please pray for God to help us all to get through these tough days and for comfort for Noah going through so much! He had a wonderful vacation and someday he wants to move to Florida. Who knows maybe he'll be a dolphin trainer and tell everyone about the miracle that God gave him! What a witness that would be. We are sad and our hearts are heavy today by the news but at the worst of news God is just beginning to work! I hold on to God's promises and comfort for this day.
Love and appreciate your prayers SO much!!! Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, October 8, 2003 8:32 AM CDT
You have no idea how hard it is to sit at this keyboard today. It means we are back to reality. For a week, it was just us, just the five of us enjoying our love for each other and the time spent together. No Doctor visits telling us the next step or how bad things look. Just us enjoying life. For a week we almost forgot about the life we had back in MN of all the Doctor visits, it was weird as we flew home you could feel the cloud begin to weigh on you. Enough about that, let me tell you about our trip.
Noah had an absolutely awesome time. He never got sick in fact we had to slow him down. He was so full of energy we start early in the morning and would not slow down until 10 at night. Make-A-Wish did such an awesome job of setting things up for us. On Tuesday we spent a night in a hotel in the cities becuase of an early flight. A limo picked us up at 5:30 in the mornign and flew to Orlando where we were checked into a beautiful hotel and we drove out to Cocoa Beach for the day. The waves were getting pretty big and Noah and Kayle loved to play in the water. On Thursday was Noah's Dolphin experience. Discovery Cove was so cool, you can swim in their coral reef right with all kinds of exotic fish and stingrays. And Noah and I were able to swim with the dolphins. That was way cool. WE spent the next day at Sea World and then Disney world. Things were going so well we actualy extended our vacation a couple of days. WE flew in on Tuesday night. Our whole family so enjoyed the time. We were absolutely amzaed at Noah's strength and energy during the whole time. Thank you for your prayers. I will upload some photos later. We are looking for great news tomorrow at the Drs.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, September 29, 2003 1:25 PM CDT
Today Noah seems to be feeling quite a bit better! He is having 2 more plattlette transfussions tomorrow. His immune was 250 today which is almost zero. Jason has peace about going to Florida so I just trust his judgement. I pray for no hospital ER visits while on the kids dream trip to Discovery Cove, Magic Kingdom, the beach which I love, and whatever else we have time for. The kids are SO excited! We leave tomorrow when Kaylee's done with school to head to Children's and then the start of our vacation. Thanks everyone for praying that this trip would be possible and relaxing!!! We're going to take lots of pictures and post them on the web when we get back. We continue to wait on the Lord for each new day!
Psalms 59:17
"O my stregth, I will sing praises to you,
for you, O God, are my fortress,
the God who shows me
steadfast love."
We love you all and thank you for all of your constant prayers for Noah!! Only God can turn our times of suffering into times of rejoicing!
Sunday, September 28, 2003 3:06 PM CDT
We all got home this morning from Mom and Dad Schafbuch's house. Last night Noah woke up in number 9 pain on a scale of 1-10. He was crying and crying. Then Jason gave him some medicine and he went back to sleep for the rest of the night. Today when we got home from church the doctor called and said that Noah has a positive blood culture. That means that he has a blood infection. If the antibiotics don't work he'll have to get a new hickman put in during surgery. We feel discouraged today from this news. We are suppose to leave Tuesday morning and go down for Noah's quick appointment and than 7am our plane leaves Wednesday for Florida. Noah and Kaylee are counting down the days and now this news could end the trip this week. Please pray that Noah's infection will be gone. He isn't feeling the best since last night. No fevers so far but he's on a lot of pain medicine that could hide the fevers. Please pray for God's special touch on his body. Pray that his immune goes up since it's probably near zero. Wearing masks and worrying about fevers doesn't sound relaxing for the trip to Florida. Please pray!
Thank you! We are tired today!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, September 27, 2003 11:13 AM CDT
Currently we are up on the eight floor of Children's. Noah is getting chemo and blood and platelette transfusions. Yesterday Noah and I met with a Dr over at the U of M about a new procedure called Natural Killer Transfusion. This transfusion takes my white cells and injects it into Noah's body. The idea is for my cells to attack Noah's leukemia and kill the cancer. I did not realize how experiemental this procedure was. As of date there has been three procedures done across the world. Noah will be the fourth and the first child to receieve this procedure. Of course our hope is that the treatment he is on now will get him into remission.
We had the opportuity to meet some special people yesterday while at the U. First Max and his family were in the next room at the clinic. We have not seem them for months. Max is doing well recovering from his transplant. And then we had a tour of the hospital and bumped into Carla,(Christie's mom). And we were able to say hi to Christie from outside the room and amzing to us Christie was able to get out of bed with a huge smile on her face to say hello. Wayto go Christie, keep fighting strong. And we were able to see Rosie's dad who is recovering from a bone marrow transplant. The friendships you make while traveling this road are quite unique. Each family has a way of making the road a little easier. Please pray for all these families, for peace amongst their hearts and quick recovery ane full recovery.
Noah is doing well, you wuld think a child that has to go through what he has to would complain or get upset but he doesn't. He takes his treatment without question, without murmur. He is a true inspiration. We are definitely in uncharted waters but God gives us the peace each day to face the trial of the day. Thanks for all your prayers.
By God's gift of love through His Son we live
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, September 25, 2003 8:26 PM CDT
Well here we go, we are on the threshold of a new day and a new treatment. We have yet to put Noah into remission and today we try a new treatment to get him there. he will receive three different chemos over the next three days as an outpatient. On Friday we have an appointment with the U of M hospital for a consultation on a new procedure they are trying on patients who are difficult to get into remission. They take a parents bone marrow that is not a match and inject into Noah's body and the idea is for the new marrow to attack the leukemia. Noah can nothave this done until he has been off of steroids for two weeks. We just stopped him on Tuesday.
If everything works out with the Drs and Noah is feeling good we are going to try and squeeze his Make A Wish in this next week. His wish is to swim with the dolphins.
Our prayer list
Praise for the way God has brought Noah through life threating times.
Pray for Noah to go into Remission - we are waiting for that miracle.
Pray these new chemo to not affect Noah's energy level
Pray that we can enjoy Florida with no side effects or trauma situations while we are there.
Pray for energy for our family, this has been a very long road.
Pray for Kaylee as she struggles with Noah sickness
Pray for Christie, Rosie, Max as they recover from transplant. Jonathan, Portia, Zachary, Duncan, Michael, and Kyle as they work to full recovery from cancer. And for Drew who is done with treatment andis living life as a boy should.(pray he stays in remission for life).
As I mentioned above this has been very long road that seems so dark along the way. But so many of you are wayside rests for us. Thanks for walking this road with us, your constant support and love has been enormous for us. We have gained so many friends because of our God's love for us and you have opened your hearts to carry this burden along with us.
People all around this world are praying for one precious 7 year old that has zest for life and faith in His God that is hard to match. What a powerful testimony of the Body of Christ to see His family surround and love one of their own across denominational lines, culture, and any other barriers. It is with our faith in God and His promises to us through His Word and your awesome love and support that we keep fighting each day.
Thanks for your love
Love
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, September 25, 2003 5:47 PM CDT
Psalms 40:11 "I will keep on expecting you to help me. I praise you more and more."
I thought that is such a cool verse that we can expect God to help us and He will. He gives us joy every day to make it through this valley of suffering.
Noah's blasts are 80% today which means the cancer is still there but not growing rapidly which is good. He starts chemo today through Saturday. Tomorrow Jason and Noah go to the U to hear more about the bone marrow transplant where they will use either Jason or me. We don't know details about it yet. He will also get a tour of the hospital. Pray for Noah that he won't be overwelmed by new surroundings tomorrow. His spirits have been great! Today at recess he was running around playing tag and never stopping to rest. He is a walking miracle! I am so thankful for every good moment that he has and pray for a lifetime of blessing upon him.
Thank you for your continued prayers! Only by God's grace can we make it through! I heard a message from Chuck Swindoll where he shares how suffering is good and causes us to be humbled and grow but constant suffering crushes. I continue to pray that God won't crush any of us and that soon we can have times of refreshment! I can't wait for this!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, September 25, 2003 10:57 AM CDT
Well here we go, we are on the threshold of a new day and a new treatment. We have yet to put Noah into remission and today we try a new treatment to get him there. he will receive three different chemos over the next three days as an outpatient. On Friday we have an appointment with the U of M hospital for a consultation on a new procedure they are trying on patients who are difficult to get into remission. They take a parents bone marrow that is not a match and inject into Noah's body and the idea is for the new marrow to attack the leukemia. Noah can nothave this done until he has been off of steroids for two weeks. We just stopped him on Tuesday.
If everything works out with the Drs and Noah is feeling good we are going to try and squeeze his Make A Wish in this next week. His wish is to swim with the dolphins.
Our prayer list
Praise for the way God has brought Noah through life threating times.
Pray for Noah to go into Remission - we are waiting for that miracle.
Pray these new chemo to not affect Noah's energy level
Pray that we can enjoy Florida with no side effects or trauma situations while we are there.
Pray for energy for our family, this has been a very long road.
Pray for Kaylee as she struggles with Noah sickness
Pray for Christie, Rosie, Max as they recover from transplant. Jonathan, Portia, Zachary, Duncan, Michael, and Kyle as they work to full recovery from cancer. And for Drew who is done with treatment andis living life as a boy should.(pray he stays in remission for life).
As I mentioned above this has been very long road that seems so dark along the way. But so many of you are wayside rests for us. Thanks for walking this road with us, your constant support and love has been enormous for us. We have gained so many friends because of our God's love for us and you have opened your hearts to carry this burden along with us.
People all around this world are praying for one precious 7 year old that has zest for life and faith in His God that is hard to match. What a powerful testimony of the Body of Christ to see His family surround and love one of their own across denominational lines, culture, and any other barriers. It is with our faith in God and His promises to us through His Word and your awesome love and support that we keep fighting each day.
Thanks for your love
Love
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, September 23, 2003 8:04 PM CDT
Psalms 62:5-8
"My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Trust in Him at all times, O people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us."
Psalms 6:4f
"Turn, O Lord, save my (Noah's) life; deliver me (Noah) for the sake of your steadfast love."
Jason and Noah are at the ER. We think Noah might have broken his toe. He's going to have an x-ray soon or it could be infection. We wait to see.
Dr. Bendell called tonight and she's giving Noah some new and old chemo on Thursday. It's mild but she's hoping it will do the job. Then on Friday we go to the U to look into the possiblility of using Jason's or my bone marrow to put into to Noah to try to get him into remission. Then after that Kaylee would be used for the real transplant. They don't kill of his counts or radiation for the first one. It's suppose to go in and attack the cancer but there's always the risk of the graft vs. host disease. We don't know much else about it until Friday.
Next week we are possibly going to take a trip to Florida for Noah's Make a Wish. He got the wish to go to Florida for about 5 days and swim with the dolphins. He wanted his hickman out first but it doesn't look like that's an option now.
We don't know what his blast are yet tonight but hope for God to miraclously to wipe them out!!!!
Noah went to school today and felt good except his toe and his head hurt alittle. He also went on a fieldtrip. Guess where they had a field trip--the hospital. I didn't think that he would want to go but he had fun.
Thanks for your continuous prayers and support! Jason had a meeting with the other youth pastors today and he was greatly encouraged because they cancelled the meeting and just prayed over him!!! He was so refreshed tonight and encouraged! Thank you so much!
I continue to hold on the all of the promises that God has given me over the last 9 months and cling to them harder than ever! I know that God is going to do something awesome and will not give up praying and trusting God to fulfill His promises that He gave me!!!
Only Because of His mercy on us, Heidi and Jason
Monday, September 22, 2003 6:10 PM CDT
I wish I had easy words to write here. On Friday Noah's blast count went to 23% and it made us a little skeptical about progress. Over the weekend Noah had severe bleeding in his urine and stool. The finally subsided but I just received his blast count today. 77% In other words 77% of his white blood count is cancerous. Obviously, horrible news that any family could receive after fighting this cancer for 9 months. It seems so much longer. AS our Dr put, not too many options left that are viable. He and our Dr. Bendel will meet and call us tomorrow. We have canceled all of his appointments because this one is not working. The future is getting bleaker and harder to understand. We trust on our God just to get us through day by day. I just want to thank all of you who write and encourage us through this hell. To be honest the fight is getting harder to fight, we are not giving up but it is getting very rough to keep getting the same news or worse news. You look for a little sunshine or hint of good words thorugh this. I asked the Dr any positive news and he said no. Heidi asked me for good news about Noah's results and all I could say was his hemoglobin was at 11 so he would not have to have a blood transfusion. We stand by God's grace for our lives and His mercy. Please pray for wisdom for the Drs and for Heidi and I as we venture these next few days. WE need to rest in God's arms tonight as we sleep.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, September 21, 2003 11:31 AM CDT
Last night Noah's bleeding seem to get worse so I called the on-call doctor and he said that the best thing would be for me to bring Noah down to Children's but all 3 kids were sleeping and Jason's been gone on a youth group retreat so I called Option Care and a nurse came out 2 times to takes his counts and hook him up to fluids. His bleeding stopped part way through the night. He has to drink tons of water today and pray that the bleeding is done. His hemo. stayed up and his plattletts are low but not a transfussion yet. His immune dropped a lot too. He feels good but were all exhausted from being up most of the night. Kaylee and Grace are fighting chest colds. I'm SO SO SO ready for a miracle and for all of these trials to end!!!!!!! Just a nice peaceful home with no trials for at least a year sounds good. Well thanks for praying!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, September 20, 2003 7:57 PM CDT
Noah had a good day! He feels good yet I worry because when he goes poddy it is pure blood. The doctors know about this but don't know which drug is causing this. Pray that the bleeding stops and that he stays strong! We don't know if his hemoglobin is dropping but I pray that it is not. I think of the verse "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknoledge him and he will direct your path." God is in control and I don't know what to do so I ask that God gives us wisdom in stopping the bleeding. He's on unknown drugs to kill the cancer cells so all we can do is PRAY at this point! Thank you for your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, September 19, 2003 6:22 PM CDT
Dr. Bostrum called tonight and said that he just read an article how two of the drugs that Noah's on could cause the cancer cells not to die. We are taking Noah off of one starting tomorrow. We had already given it tonight. This is good news as to why his blasts are rising every day. Hopefully this is the answer to Noah going into remission! Please pray for God to heal Noah. I just heard today on the radio how a man back in 1934 was healed miracuously of a fatal blood disease. He just passed away today as an older man of 86 years who accomplished much for the Lord!!! That is what I pray for Noah that he will live and accomplish GREAT things that God has planned for him to do! God does miracle and I believe that though we feel like we're driving through a dark tunnel God is holding us and helping us. Kaylee is sick tonight and is already in bed. Grace is getting a tooth and Noah is feeling good. I feel like if it's not one thing it's another.
Pray for special wisdom for the doctors to know what to do each step of the way. We're so thankful for the article that Dr. Bostrum found today! Thanks so much to all of the wonderful doctors at Children's. God has and is using them!
Hope that you have a good evening.
Please also pray for a special family. Chrisie is at the University and had a bone marrow transplant and is now waiting for her counts from the donor to go up! Please pray for her to feel good and for the counts to come up quickly with no infections or no host disease. Thanks so much! There a wonderful family!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Psalms 86 and Psalms 34 are encouraging to me
Friday, September 19, 2003 10:44 AM CDT
Today the blast are 27%. They don't know if it's rising because the counts are dropping or what. They said that Monday it would be more accurate after the dose of chemo today. He also has some blood in his urine. He feels great today despite what's going on in his body and is heading to school soon from the hospital. Thanks for your prayers and encouraging words of truth from God's Word. We need to keep our hope on God alone. Please don't judge us for how we feel but pray for us. That's what we need. Thank you for caring and praying!!!
Love, Heidi
Thursday, September 18, 2003 6:56 PM CDT
Pray! Noah's blasts are 20% tonight. YUCK! Not the news that we expected today! Well we are tired of the ups and downs but have to plug on. Pray that tomorrow they are zero! We could use some encouraging news!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, September 17, 2003 10:21 AM CDT
The reason the counts were perfect yesterday was that they got the blood mixed up in lab. HIs blasts are 11% today as well as yesterday. We just continue to praise God and not be discouraged by this mix up!!! We have to praise God in the good as well as the bad. We continue to expect a miracle!!! God can do anything! Jason and Noah are finishing up with the medicine and heading home. Disappointing news yet I just have to praise God for what He's doing and going to do!!! Everyone praise the Lord for He is Good and He deserves our praise!!!!!!!!
Love, Heidi
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 5:32 PM CDT
PRAISE THE LORD!!!!! He is protecting little Noah!!! His Blasts yesterday were 19% and today they can't find one tiny cell of cancer in his blood!!! His blasts ARE 0%!!!!!!!!!!!!! All we can say is thank you Lord, thank you Lord!!! We are so excited and thankful that Noah is feeling so good and all of his counts are great!!! What an answer to prayer!!!!! God hears us and will never forsake us just like Noah told me!!!! Thank you and please continue to pray that they stay 0% and that God would continue to bless Noah!!! Jason is so refreshed today from this GREAT news!!!! Thank you for praying! Praise the Lord!
Love, Heidi
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 2:12 PM CDT
Noah has made school Monday and also today. Jason and Noah are heading down to the cities now. Tonight after the doctors they are going to a Twins game. Noah is bringing his mit to hopefully catch a ball tonight! He is a strong eagle like I pray!!! God continues to give him energy and strength. He looked tired at school today so on the way home I prayed that God would give him new energy for today and strength and he did. When Jason went to pick him up he had energy adn wanted to go out and play on the playground before they left in the car! Noah's nurse Sarah gave a big thumbs up for Noah's blasts--they weren't ready when they left but they passed her in the car and she had a big smile on her face and gave a thumbs up!!! Jason was excited about this as well as the rest of us! Today he'll find out what that means! ALso his hemoglobin went up and his plattlettes went up as well. That's God as well! Thanks for all of your prayers for Noah. Kaylee asked today if she's a perfect match so now she knows that she is. You can congraduate her when you see her. She doesn't know the procedure yet but just that she's perfect--a perfect match. Well she was kind of proud because we told her that her and Noah are like twins and that she's perfect! She had a big smile. Well thanks for your continued prayers! Every day we face the choice of trusting God or not. Pray that our faith stays strong adn that we grow spiritually and continue to trust God every step of this LONG journey!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, September 16, 2003 2:12 PM CDT
Noah has made school Monday and also today. Jason and Noah are heading down to the cities now. Tonight after the doctors they are going to a Twins game. Noah is bringing his mit to hopefully catch a ball tonight! He is a strong eagle like I pray!!! God continues to give him energy and strength. He looked tired at school today so on the way home I prayed that God would give him new energy for today and strength and he did. When Jason went to pick him up he had energy adn wanted to go out and play on the playground before they left in the car! Noah's nurse Sarah gave a big thumbs up for Noah's blasts--they weren't ready when they left but they passed her in the car and she had a big smile on her face and gave a thumbs up!!! Jason was excited about this as well as the rest of us! Today he'll find out what that means! ALso his hemoglobin went up and his plattlettes went up as well. That's God as well! Thanks for all of your prayers for Noah. Kaylee asked today if she's a perfect match so now she knows that she is. You can congraduate her when you see her. She doesn't know the procedure yet but just that she's perfect--a perfect match. Well she was kind of proud because we told her that her and Noah are like twins and that she's perfect! She had a big smile. Well thanks for your continued prayers! Every day we face the choice of trusting God or not. Pray that our faith stays strong adn that we grow spiritually and continue to trust God every step of this LONG journey!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, September 14, 2003 6:20 PM CDT
We are thankful for a normal day. We wnet to church as a family and then we had a church picnic this afternoon and the ability to all take a nap as a family. how we can take the simple things of life for granted. It is so nice to have everyone underneath one roof. Kaylee and I had to run to er last night because she hit her mouth on the table and cut her gums. She did not have to get stitches thankfully. Tomorrow we start going back to the hospital everyday. Please pray this round of chemo will work and get him into remission so we can get to the bone marrow. Again thankful for your love and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, September 13, 2003 8:46 PM CDT
Well today was almost a normal day. We had a wonderful day going shopping and driving around relaxing. Then we ended the wonderful day with a steak dinner. Then Kaylee was having fun and fell into the living room table and cut her gum pretty deep. She is currently at the ER. She panicks at the thought of going so you can imagine the screaming in the house when she found out that she had to go to the hospital. Sometimes life is just plain hard and tiring!!! I think of the song life is hard but God is good. How true. Please pray that it will be a quick visit with no stiches or whatever could hurt or scare Kaylee. She needs a time of refreshment as well as the rest of us. Thanks for your prayers for us all and especially Noah. Heaven will be wonderful with no pain or heartache! I can't wait!!!
Love, Heidi
Friday, September 12, 2003 9:16 PM CDT
Jason and I are exhausted at the end of today! We wait on God and yet how much can you bear in life. Noah blasts were up to 34% today in the blood and 27% in the bone. He's starting a new plan with some new medicine and the same antibodies as he's been doing. Noah will be heading down to Children's every day for the next 15 days except on weekends. If the cancer comes back stronger on the weekends then he'll head down Saturday and Sunday as well. He's on a proticall that no kid has ever tried before. That's kind of a scary thought. They will monitor him closely. If this doesn't work than the next step is taking Jason's or my bone marrow and putting it into his body and let it kill off the cancer and pray that he doesn't get the graft vs. host disease. There's 2 more options which I don't know yet if these don't work. Noah said tonight in the car that he wishes God would just remove the hickman and port so he could ride bikes whenever he wanted and not have to worry about his plattletts being low. It just broke my heart and yet I told him to keep praying and asking Jesus for this. He can do anything!!!!
Noah went through a lot today at Children's and I told him that he's my hero!!! He's such a honey!!!!
Thanks for your prayers! We are exhausted tonight to say the least! Thanks so much to Amy and Patti who took good care of Kaylee so she could make school today! She didn't want to miss the special craft. She just loves school!
Only by God's grace, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, September 11, 2003 9:23 PM CDT
Thursday, September 11, 2003 11:08 AM CDT
Before Noah's diagnosis I had no idea about childhood sickness. I mean I wouold see the charity drives on TV but that is about it. I am overwhelmed at the amount of children who suffer through this dreadful disease. Want proof, go tour guestbook and anytime you see someone address starting with caringbridge. That is a family that either is going through or has gone through childhood sickness. It breaks your heart.
I am overwhelmed by your support through the guestbook and emails. Thank you and for those who walk the same road and have taken the time through your grief to help us spur into a new day thank you. I am sorry you have to walk this road or had to. My many thanks to BCC for your unbelievable support through these days. You guys rock.
With yesterdays news it is hard to keep your mind from wandering. Wondering about school, life, siblings the future. When Noah was first diagnosed you had thoughts about the future but it is no where near as painful when the possibility is so close. WE are not giving up, it amazes how God surprises you, Just as I am writing this entry through my tears the song by Third Day 'Mountain of God' came on. About how the road is hard and long but God helps us carry on. Thanks God. We meet with the Drs tomorrow for options. We appreciate your prayers and love.
In His Peace WE Rely
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, September 11, 2003 12:58 AM CDT
Noah's at school right now. He looks like he's having a lot of fun! Tomorrow's the day that we are praying for miracleous results! I think of the song by Nicole C Mullen. When I call of Jesus all things are possible-I can mount on wings like eagles and soar--When I call on Jesus mountains are going to fall--cause you know Heaven will come rescue me when I call.
People don't know what to say to us when they see us. Just say that you are praying for Noah and us and that you love us! That's all we need. It's in God's hands even though are hearts are heavy and breaking. God can still do a miracle. I think back to how he's been there for us and Noah every step of the way. Not that it's been easy not at all but God is with us!
Thanks for your prayers tomorrow as we will be at Children's at 7am until everything's done probably in the afternoon. We are trusting in God's mercy and grace in our time of need!!!!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Noah, Kaylee, and Gracie
Thursday, September 11, 2003 11:08 AM CDT
Before Noah's diagnosis I had no idea about childhood sickness. I mean I wouold see the charity drives on TV but that is about it. I am overwhelmed at the amount of children who suffer through this dreadful disease. Want proof, go tour guestbook and anytime you see someone address starting with caringbridge. That is a family that either is going through or has gone through childhood sickness. It breaks your heart.
I am overwhelmed by your support through the guestbook and emails. Thank you and for those who walk the same road and have taken the time through your grief to help us spur into a new day thank you. I am sorry you have to walk this road or had to. My many thanks to BCC for your unbelievable support through these days. You guys rock.
With yesterdays news it is hard to keep your mind from wandering. Wondering about school, life, siblings the future. When Noah was first diagnosed you had thoughts about the future but it is no where near as painful when the possibility is so close. WE are not giving up, it amazes how God surprises you, Just as I am writing this entry through my tears the song by Third Day 'Mountain of God' came on. About how the road is hard and long but God helps us carry on. Thanks God. We meet with the Drs tomorrow for options. We appreciate your prayers and love.
In His Peace WE Rely
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, September 10, 2003 1:37 PM CDT
Here we go again!!! :-( Noah's blast count is on the rise again meaning his cancer is growing back. He is not in remission and the doctors are going to pow wow this afternoon for a next treatment plan. It is so hard to grasp and hold to the reality of this disease. At some point in time we just want to wake up from this nightmare and get back to our normal lives. At what cost do parents have to watch their children suffer and have to stand by. it is not right for children to have to go through this agony. For those of you who want to give the quick antidote please do not. Sometimes as parents we need to vent our feelings and get it off our chests. We know God is in control and wait upon him for Noah's healing. It is so hard day after day in past and future to look at this ugly disease that sucks life out of children. WE cherish your prayers and love.
In His Hands Only Is Comfort
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, September 10, 2003 1:13 PM CDT
Today Noah went and his blood pressure was better but his blasts are back and going strong. They were 20% today which is terrible news. Noah is discouraged and doesn't even want to go to school which is not like him. Right now Noah can only be healed through God's divine intervention. We pray for a miracle but are weary. God knows how we feel and what the outcome will be. Today I heard Nancy Lee Demoss on the radio and she was taking about Proverbs 31. She was talking on the verse that we are to laugh at the future because we are to trust God. Yet she said not every circumstance brings laughter. This is a time when we are scared for Noah's future and yet have to trust God for it. Please pray as we go through one day at a time and trust in God's protection upon Noah!
We are counting on your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, September 10, 2003 11:52 AM CDT
Here we go again!!! :-( Noah's blast count is on the rise again meaning his cancer is growing back. He is not in remission and the doctors are going to pow wow this afternoon for a next treatment plan. It is so hard to grasp and hold to the reality of this disease. At some point in time we just want to wake up from this nightmare and get back to our normal lives. At what cost do parents have to watch their children suffer and have to stand by. it is not right for children to have to go through this agony. For those of you who want to give the quick antidote please do not. Sometimes as parents we need to vent our feelings and get it off our chests. We know God is in control and wait upon him for Noah's healing. It is so hard day after day in past and future to look at this ugly disease that sucks life out of children. WE cherish your prayers and love.
In His Hands Only Is Comfort
Jason and Heidi
Monday, September 8, 2003 12:08 AM CDT
What a busy weekend, but what a fun weekend. Last week Noah and I had to go to the hospital everyday for treatment and on Friday he received two blood transfusions. His hemoglobin was 6.1, yours or mine is between 11 and 14. But he was still running around with a lot of energy. Well he received his transfusion and on Saturday Noah, Uncle Joel, Kaylee and I went four wheeling for 6 hours. Noah is quite amazing on his little four wheeler. I think he spends more time on two wheels thanhe does all four. DRs don't worry he did not crash and he had his helmet on. Kaylee kept yelling all day 'Good job Noah way to go' it was so cute. They had one section of the trail called allyoops. It is about 6 mounds about 5 feet high and 5 feet apart that you just go up and over Noah played there for quite a long time. The terrain is not as easy as you might think. He did amazing at conquering those. It is so much fun wayching Noah and Kayle enjoy the outdoors.
Yesterday we had the honor of taking Noah and Kaylee and Grandma and Grandpa to Sound of Music at the Chanhassen Dinner Theatre. Not quite knowing how well the kids would enjoy the play. They absolutely loved it, in fact during every song our little Kaylee decided she needed to steal the show and began to sing and wave her hands around. it was so cute and we could not help but to laugh through much of the show as our little girl did all of her antics. Noah said this morning he wants to go back every night to see it.
Noah and Kaylee went to school this morning and I have to pick up Noah adn take him back to the hospital for another treatment. This Friday is the big bone marrow test that will tell us if he is in remission or not. Please pray for this test to show he is ine remission. We continue to appreciate your support and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, September 5, 2003 9:28 PM CDT
Psalms 28:2
"Hear my cry for mercy as I call to you for help, as I lift up my hands toward your Most Holy Place."
Noah is tired tonight since he was at the hospital from 8:30am to 3:30pm. It was a long day for him and he kept asking Jason when he could come home. They finally got home at about 5:30. Noah had 2 blood transfussions today to get it at a good level. His immune system is strong at 3200. That is great. His blasts were zero yesterday and 1% today. Dr. Bendell was very pleased and surprised at the results of this antibody working in Noah's body. All the praise is totally God working through the drug!!! This drug is not used on kids because it only has a 10% chance of helping at all. God is still protecting Noah's fragile body. His legs are all bruised from low plattletts in the past and his face is getting very puffy once again from the drugs I guess. He looks worn out to me today when I saw him pull up in the driveway but still has a smile although it took awile for him to smile when he got home. Jason said that it was just a long day for him at the hospital and he really wanted to be in school! He just loves school and doesn't want to miss at all! Noah amazed me.
Well please pray for peace and comfort and trust in God for the future. I don't know if I've ever been so scared as to what we're coming up to. Noah has a bone marrow test next Friday that will tell us if he's in remission. If he is it's off to a bone marrow transplant. That scares me. It will be hard on Kaylee if she has to be the donor and terrible on Noah's body--full body radiation to kill every last cell and chemo to kill the cells. It is like nothing he's ever had before. Our family will then be split up for 4-6 months. That is a terrible thought since we're finally back together most of the time now. My heart breaks every time we're split up now. It's like I just can't take not having all three of my kids together. Then the other side is that if he's not in remission the doctors have tried everything that they can and that's it as far as we know.
Only a miracle is sounding at all comforting to me tonight!!! I know that it is so possible adn I keep clinging to Psalms 86!
Please pray for direction for each decision coming up! We need direct wisdom from our loving Heavenly Father! He knows!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, September 4, 2003 8:29 PM CDT
Things went quickly today at Children's for Noah. They were out of there in record time--one and a half hours!!!
Noah's hemoglobin went back down to 6.5. He will need a blood transfussion unless it goes up to around 10. The nurse said that if it does this it would only be miraclous. So I'm praying and ask that everyone prays that it will be in the perfect range of 10-13 tomorrow. Thanks for your prayers for they do make a difference!!! God has answered so many of my prayers over the past couple of weeks and throughout the last 9 months. We continue to wait on God for the crucial days ahead. Please also pray that Grace will start sleeping through the night--she's been up the last couple of nights about every hour. I'm been alittle exhausted. It would feel so good to have a couple of good nights sleep. Well thanks for praying for Noah! He made all day at school until he had to head for medicine at 2pm! He slept all the way to the doctors and was tired the rest of the day but still is up having strawberry pie at Grandma's and Grandpa's. He is also planning on four wheeling all day Saturday with Kaylee, Jays, and Uncle Joel. On Sunday we're going to the Chanhassen Dinner Theater to see the Sound of Music performed! The kids love the movie so I hope that they enjoy it!!! We're trying to do as many fun things as we can since it seems like we've been living most of the summer in the hospital. Have a good evening!
Love, Heidi and Jays
Wednesday, September 3, 2003 7:25 PM CDT
Colossians 4:2 "Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart." We're SO thankful for all of the people around the world who pray daily for Noah and all of us to make it through each day!!!
Noah went into Children's this morning for medicine and than to have a blood transfussion. But to everyone's surprise his hemoglobin went up all by itself so he didn't have to get blood. That is an answered prayer! He also got to make it to part of school which he was begging to do all morning! He loves his teacher and all of his friends in class! He went to bed at 6:30 tonight. He was pretty tired from a full day. He was playing with neighbor kids riding bikes, going to the part, and climbing forts! He had a great day!
We continue to ask for God's divine healing on Noah. Chuck Swindoll is having a series on healing. Thanks for your continued prayers for Noah. Noah will leave early tomorrow from school and spend the night and Grandpa's and Grandma's again and than hopefully make part of the day on Friday. Next week is only three days down in the cites. It will be so nice when one day we can all be together and not split up. I'm growing weary of this. Praise God that Noah's doing so good even though he is weary at times. He has amazing strength!!! I continue to pray that God will make him like a strong eagle!!! Isaiah 40:31. I pray it many times a day! Noah looks good and is getting a tiny bit of hair. I continue to look for a full head overnight if that's how God chooses to do it or I'll be happy with however God chooses to show us.
Noah blasts today were only 1%!!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you Lord!!!!
We have hope because of God! Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, September 2, 2003 1:49 PM CDT
Noah made it today to his first day of school!!! He had to leave alittle early to make it down to the cities for his medicine. He will be heading down every day this week to Children's. He is a trooper. It breaks my heart to see all of the healthy kids and then to look at Noah and how he's trying to keep up. He asked Jason and I to pray last night that he wouldn't feel so tired and worn out and that he could make it to school. Thank you God for answering our prayers. I peeked in on him when I picked up Kaylee from her first big day of Kindergarden. Noah had a big smile on his face and was doing a funny dance with everyone in the class. Kaylee had a wonderful first day of school too! She looks so tall and cute going into Kindergarden. She was so excited and went right and played with the kids. She has a special friend already! It's so good for Kaylee to be in school and have some consistency! We need prayer for our future. If Noah has a bone marrow transplant it means living down in Minneapolis for months. If this is how God chooses He will get us through. A miracle sounds so much better! Well thanks for your prayers and support. These days are unknown and hard yet we have to thank God for His daily provisions!
Love, Heidi
Sunday, August 31, 2003 11:11 PM CDT
Noah had a grate day today. It was a great thing to be able to take him to church today. I believe it was very uplifting for our church to see Noah and to see the results of their heartfelt prayers. We thank God for all of these wonderful days that Noah has such great boost of energy. Our family also went to see the movie 'Finding Nemo'. The kids really enjoyed it and I have not heard Noah laugh so hard for a few weeks. Noah also went four wheeling yesterday and it was a nice treat to see him hit the trail so hard. He is such an animal when it come to the trail, he is pretty fearless on his machine.
Tomorrow we head back to Children's for another round of Campath. Campath is an antibody that attaches itself to the 51st protein. They have discovered that 96% of Noah's cancer cells have this protein attached to them. So this medicine attahces itself to the cell with the 51st protein and kills it. Thus killing the cancer cells. In the preliminary it very much looks like it is working and the true tell tale will be wednesday the 10th when he has another bone marrow test. Please pray earnestly for this day and the results of the test. Our prayers is that there is less than 5% blasts present. Less than 5% would mean that Noah is in remission and able to move forward.
I can not tell you how much of a roller coaster week this has been. Last weekend Noah was in PICU with Spinal Menagitis and flew through with full recovery. We found out that he is not in remission and given only about 10% chance of survival and even were told by the docs the possibility at looking at meds to make his last days more comfortable. He was put on this new round of treatment and surpised teh docs even after one day of treatment at 10% of dosage. He moves to full dosage tomorrow. On Friday Noah's dr was suprised to find his blood counts to be excellent and his blast count in the blood to be at 3%. Which is very amazing and suprising. The only way to describe it is the Hand of God upon our son and the prayers offered for Noah around this world. Truly this is an testimony of the love of the Body of Christ.
Let me finish with this. Never once has Noah ever complained of having Leukemia. Never once has he gotten angry because of his sickness. He might get a little finicky when you poke a needle in him or make him take some horrible tasting medicine. He is a true fighter both physically and Spiritually. It amazes me his compassion for people. Every night we pray for other cancer patients we have met up on eigth and even tonight he noticed one of his friends in our sub fall and skin up his elbow and Noah prayed for Him. He is so unselfish through this whole ordeal. No wonder Noah is a sought after patient by the nurses of eigth, who by the way are great nurses. We so appreciate the nursing staff of the eigth floor. I have learned so much from my son as he fights through this. It is never to late for old dogs to learn new tricks. I am very proud of my son and the testimony he has all across this world. Noah you are my hero.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, August 30, 2003 8:19 AM CDT
Noah is currently four wheeling! He was so excited this morning when he woke up! He went with Grandpa Ron, Uncle Joel, and Daddy. He could hardly wait! He is feeling good today! He didn't have any bad effect from the chemo yesterday so we thank you for your prayers. He will have the chemo Monday through Friday of next week and then Monday, Wednesday, Friday for two more weeks. It amazed the doctor that his counts were only 3% yesterday. Today they're probably zero--we hope. He'll have another bone marrow test within the next two weeks and than another one after that. We continue to wait on God and His grace for us all. Jason and I just colapsed after we got home yesterday. We are exhausted by the last months but continue to cling to God's faithfulness and praise Him for being with us every step of the way. I looked at Gracie's play pen and thought today of God's faithfulness to provide it in a miraclous way. The lady told me to take it for free and anything else I needed at the garage sale. Today God reminded me of how He's provided for us all along our journey of Noah's suffering. God has been so good to us! I'm so thankful that Noah can go and have fun four-wheeling today!
Please pray about school for Noah. I'm praying out of faith that he can go but circumstances say no. He has chemo every day next week and his counts will be dropping so he will be prone to infections again. His counts are still good as of yesterday though. We continue to pray for his phycical healing and thank God for his spiritual healing!!! (which is the most important)
Thanks for all of your prayers! We count on them!
Because of God's grace and mercy, Heidi and Jason
Friday, August 29, 2003 1:07 PM CDT
I just got the news that Noah's blasts are down to 3%. That is a miracle in itself. We had the elders at Jason's parents church pray and anoint Noah with oil like it tells us to do in the Bible for those who are sick. They prayed for quite a while and I wanted never to leave that moment. It was wonderful to hear them pray with great faith for God to heal and for His will to be done. Noah didn't feel the best at the Vikings game but still had some fun I think. He's pretty tired today. He's needs a long nap and an early to bed. I'm praying today that he won't shake from the chemo. He had a reaction yesterday to it and got super cold and shook. Thanks for your continued prayers for Noah's life.
Love, Heidi
Thursday, August 28, 2003 9:38 AM CDT
Noah got home last night. He is looking handsome today after a nice long bath at home. He is so happy to be home. We leave soon to head to Children's for more chemo. He gets it every day and then every other day for 21 days. He's weak but improving now that he's home. We continue to pray for a miracle like it talks about in Psalms 86. I've always thought that it's not going to be the doctors that heal him but only by God's grace in a miracle. I continue to have hope that Noah will be healed miracously. I will hold on to this until the end. The doctor said that 30 days or alittle longer could be the length of Noah's life which we have not discussed with Noah so please keep this quiet. He has a great attitude which always amazes me. The doctor was happy with the results so far from the chemo. Please continue to pray for a miracle and that God would receive all of the glory and praise for what He chooses. It's all in God's hands! God totally saved Noah's life this last week from spinal menigitis. That was a miracle in itself. God could have taken him so that gives me hope for the future!!! God has been answering so many of my prayers for Noah. I prayed that his counts would come up from zero and the next day they were 1400. I also prayed that he could go from intensive care to the 8th floor as I walked through the tunnel to go see Noah and Jason said by the way Noah has improved greatly and he's heading to the 8th floor today after he wakes up from his spinal tap! I was so excited and was so happy to see my prayers being answered. God is listening even when we can't see Him working! Please continue to pray for all of the hurting families with their kids suffering from cancer! It's the worst thing I could ever imagine. Noah is healed spiritually and so death is only of the shell not really Noah. We continue to ask God for a huge miracle! We want to live each day to the fullest for we don't know what lies ahead. God is good and He will continue to carry all of us in His arms!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, August 27, 2003 6:45 PM CDT
Even with the latest news Noah's body continues to fight like he has the whole time. His recovery from spinal menagitis was very quick. Noah has a way of shocking the Drs by his recovery. He even suprised teh Dr already today by his respomse in his counts. The cancer is not growing as rapidly with only one day of 10% strength of teh chemo he will receive. Today Noah gets to go home. And we have to come into Children's roughly every four to five days a week for treatment. Tomorrow naoh gets to experience his first Vikings game. Tahnk you for your continued prayers and support. We know God is with us and guiding us.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, August 26, 2003 2:11 PM CDT
I have no idea how to start this entry. There has never been a more difficult entry for me to try and find words for. Noah's cancer is growing at an alarming rate and our conversation with the Dr was two fold. They are runnign out of ideas to get Noah into remission. He is starting a new round of chemo but this round only has about a 10% chance of getting him into remission. We also talked about making him comfortable for the remaining days he is with us. we are going to keep fighting. Our son is so precious and such a gift of love from our God. More than ever do we need your prayers for strength, healing, peace.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, August 25, 2003 10:43 AM CDT
Noah continues to improve. Hs counts are way up, unfortunatley maybe to high up. He has a bone marrow test tomorrow. Please pray for the results to be in remission.
A family we met when Noah was first diagnosed and have been following in her treatments passed away this morning. She was a strong fighter and a precious child of the King. Please pray for her family. This is hard news for the cancer community. You grow such abond with all teh families struggling through this fight. Her name is Priyanka, and her website is www.caringbridge.org/mn/priyanka
In His Hands
Jasona nd Heidi
Sunday, August 24, 2003 12:48 AM CDT
Noah has been moved out of PICU and back up to eigth floor. he is doing ok. His pressure from his spinal was down and so were the cells in the spinal fluid. Thatis all great news. We ask for your immediate prayers. There are early signs of immature cells growing and ithas the doctor worried that they are leukemia cells in the blood. That number right now is about 10%. If they are leukemia cells, it means Noah is not in remission and the last several months did not work and we have to start all over again. WE will have a good idea by Tuesday when he has anotherbone marrow test. Needless to say Heidi and I are exhausted by the last weeks worth of trauma and Noah is absolutely worn out. Thank you for your contiued support and love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, August 23, 2003 4:35 PM CDT
Today the infectious deseise doctor came and checked the test results and Noah and says that he has spinal meningitis. He will remain in the intesive care unit until he is much better. The good news is that he is waking up for very short periods of time and looking around but not talking hardly at all. One word sentences. Praise God that his counts came up from no immune to 1400 today and his plattlettes came up from transfussion every other day to 85,000. Praise God for this answer to prayer! The doctors hope that they continue to go up so he has strength to fight this. He had a fever out of nowhere today of 102. It's down now with medicine. He is stable yet we wait on God each moment to heal his sick body. God is so good to let the doctors find out what is wrong and to add new antibiotics to help him. God is healing Noah and watching over him! Thank you Lord that Noah's still here today! We praise you for what you are doing! Thank you Lord for your blessings on us! We continue to ask for prayers and complete healing soon. I say the verse now all the time that Noah would not die but live and declare the works of the Lord!! It is my hearts cry. I also cling to Psalms 86 that God is a great God and He does great miracles. God can do anything! May all the glory and praise be to God for what He is doing!
Because of Christ we have hope, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, August 23, 2003 3:12 PM CDT
To give you a quick over view. Noah spiked a fever last Saturday and was found to have an infection inhis blood. Since that day the pain in his head has been getting severly worse. They did a spinal tap a few days ago and found his pressure on his brain to be elevated double of what it normally should be. Preliminary tests do not show leukemia in the brain but they are sure he has Spinal Menagitis. WHich creates pressure upon the brain which is of course causing the severe headaches. Noah will be having a bone marrow test on Tuesday. They is a lot at stake in the next few days. Please pray fervently for NOah. I will update more later.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, August 22, 2003 7:34 PM CDT
Noah continues to struggle withhis health. He has been moved from eigth floor to PICU which is the intensive care unit. He struggles to stay awake or complete ful sentences. he is currently getting a nother spinal tap to remove some of the pressure of the brain. He had a eeg earlier which reads the activity of the btrain and started a MRI but was to restless to finish so we will have that tomorrow morning while he can be sedated. The Drs words to us is that she is worried about his present situation. So far the cultures that were drawn from his brain have not grown any bacterie. they are leaning towards something called Pseudo Tumor Syndrome. We ask for your prayers that the pressure on his brain will subside and he will be able to rest. This is a very delicate situation and the most critical Noah has been.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, August 22, 2003 8:13 AM CDT
Please pray urgently for Noah. He's not doing good at all. He has brain swelling so yesterday they had to go in and drain out the fluid. If there's any infection which so far there isn't it could be life threatening. We are very scared about Noah's condition. He was forgeting things and not really there completely but trying to be. His eyes are bulging alittle, rolling and glassy appearing. He goes for another cat scan today. They might have to do another spinal tap to drain out more fluid. We don't know to much except that his pain on a scale of 1-10 is 10. He didn't sleep good until morphine last night. He was in extreme pain. Jason came back last night so that was a blessing. Noah's condition is not good so please lift him up to God in prayer and petition. His condition went from great a week ago to terrible 2 days ago. He needs urgent help right now. We wait on God.
Love, Heidi adn Jason
Tuesday, August 19, 2003 8:27 PM CDT
Noah is in a lot of pain. His head has been hurting quite severely that tomorrow morning they are going to do a CT Scan. Tonight his stomach is hurting to the point where he needs morphine. Tomorrow I will go until Friday with all three kids in one room. It's hard to keep it quiet when Noah is sick so I need prayer for that. Please pray for Noah not to be in any more pain! It's terrible to watch your innocent child suffering. Today has been a hard day for us. He was doing so good and now is sleeping all the time and in pain. Please pray for strength for all of us. We need to hear an encouraging word from God.
Love, HEidi and Jason
Monday, August 18, 2003 2:58 PM CDT
We are on day 17 and Noah has acquired an infection inhis blood. He is not feeling that well and dealing with pain quite frequently. Noah is now pretty much attached to his IV pole. For so long he did not have the pole and was able to go and do almost anything. He pretty much just wants to stay in bed. We appreciate your prayers and support so much. Also your journal entries bring so much encouragement. WE are doing the waiting game now and waiting for his counts to recover so we can go to the U for the BMT. Until next entry, our many thanks.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, August 18, 2003 11:10 AM CDT
Please continue to pray for protection on Noah's body. He is very tired now and is fighting fevers of around 100. He sleeps a lot. His anc was 8 today which is barely up from 5 and I pray that it continues to go up. It's still basically zero. Thanks for your prayers. He went from high amazing energy to so tired in one day. Having no immune system really takes down the body. Pray that Noah will feel God's love is wrapped around him to give him encouragemnt and comfort!!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, August 17, 2003 8:07 AM CDT
Please pray for Noah! His head is hurting a lot and he was up most of the night in pain. He's still sleeping currently. Jason is heading home for church so please pray that Noah will feel better when he wakes up. He got alittle fever back in the night. Please pray for protection today for Noah and that he would regain his great energy that he had a couple of days ago!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, August 16, 2003 8:50 PM CDT
Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."
On the last entry I asked for urgent prayer for Noah today with a fever of 103.5. It was gone by the time he reached the er. Thank you Lord! His head still hurt a lot but is quite a bit better now. Our times our in God's hands and He is in control. The moment by moment of not knowing is hard and makes us cling to God's promises more. Today when I felt scared I read the Psalms in a book full of them called the lighthouse. God is a lighthouse for us and will always remain the same. Life changes and people change but God is a constant! That is our source of hope! He's the light in times of darkness. Noah was doing great and boom out of nowhere he is shaking and his eyes were all glossy and not looking good at all. God has promised to be all that we need and He is!
Thanks for your faithful prayers that God would receive all the glory through these days at Children's Hospital. This might be our last days at that hospital and so we want time to count and for many to see Christ in us and come to know Him personally! Please pray for energy and protection upon Noah. Thanks so much! You're notes really encourage us!!!
Love, Heidi, Jason, Noah, Kaylee and Grace
Saturday, August 16, 2003 4:08 PM CDT
PLEASE PRAY NOAH CAME HOME FOR THE DAY TO SURPRISE ME AND NOW HIS TEMP IS GOING UP AND IS NOW 103.5!!! HE NEEDS PRAYER. HE DOESN'T LOOK TO GOOD. JASON JUST SPED OUT OF THE DRIVEWAY TO THE ER! PLEASE PRAY!
GOD KNOWS, HEIDI
Friday, August 15, 2003 8:42 PM CDT
Thanks to God for His unfailing love and grace upon Noah!
Noah has been running the halls and not feeling like he had high dose chemo! It's such a blessing and totally because of God! We give Him all of the credit! Today he slowed down quite a bit because his hemo. was only 6.8. He was very tired and slept most of the morning. He received the blood and plattlette transfusion and than felt alittle better. He's just kind of relaxing tonight. No fevers tonight though and we are VERY thankful for that! God is doing something special and we are thankful for every good day that God gives us! All the praise goes to God! Thanks for your continued prayers. They think that Kaylee is a match for Noah but they won't know for 2 more weeks if she is a 6 out of 6 match for the bone marrow transplant or the same as Grace. We hate to put Kaylee through anything but if it would save Noah's life we have to. Thanks for your prayers for wisdom and for God to recieve all of the glory and all of the praise in whatever happens!
Because of God's great love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, August 12, 2003 12:23 AM CDT
It is so hard to believe that Noah has high dose of chemo in his system or even cancer. He is so full of energy running up and down the halls playing lots of games. Our small group gave Noah lots of lego projects and he has so much fun doing that. We kind of feel bad about being on 8th and feeling so well. All the other patients are in their room dealing with fevers and infections and Noah just can not do enough. We continue to pray for such good health through these days. We have to stay until his counts recover which will probably take 30 to 40 days. Pleae pray for no infections. Our God's hand continue to be upon Noah and we kow it is He who will bring us through this ordeal. Our many thanks for your continued support and love. Please continue to pray for some of the families we have met and are struggling through this. Pray for Kyle, max, Drew, Jonathan, Duncan, Christie, Priyanka, and Portia. We love all of Noah's energy and enthusiasm for life, what an eexample of child like faith.
In His hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, August 10, 2003 9:18 PM CDT
PRAISE THE LORD AND ALL GLORY TO GOD!!!!
Noah finished up his chemo and is feeling great! He is energetic and funny! He makes me laugh all day long! Jason preached this morning so Kaylee, Grace and Noah and I were there living in one room. It went well except there's no where for Grace to crawl or move around. She either is held or in the stroller. Besides that we had a lot of laughing and fun! I'm amazed how well Noah feels after the high dose chemo! It's only due to God's protection on him!!! Thank you Lord and all glory to you! We are on day 12 now and his counts are basically zero. He had a plattlette transfusion today. It went well though. PLEASE don't give up praying! He needs it each moment now with counts at zero--no immune system once again. God is giving us this wonderful blessing of Noah feeling so great! No pain or hardly any. We are so thankful!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Psalms 139
Friday, August 8, 2003 9:02 PM CDT
Isaiah 25:1
"O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you and praise your name, for in perfect faithfulness you have done marvelous things, things planned long ago."
Noah is playing attack uno for hours today at the hospital. He says that he'll beat me tomorrow when I get there! He is very energetic with no headaches or stomach aches!!! All we can say is thank you Lord! All the praise to our great God who answers prayer! He will finish up the chemo tomorrow night. Then it's just a matter of waiting for the counts to come up. It's not easy though as we pray for no infections when he has once again no immune system or counts. It's a dangerous time and yet we have to trust in God's promises!!!! It's a moment by moment trusting--faith cannot involve fear, and yet God knows how weak we are. I tell God that I'm like a dumb sheep so I'm trusting in the Shepherd to save Noah and help us all.
Thanks for all of your constant prayers for us! Priyanka, the 8 year old girl that we've asked for prayer for has made another turn for the worse and is bleeding a lot. She will be receiving another bone marrow transplant soon. Please pray for comfort and help for the family and Priyanka at this critical time! Only God can save her!
Thanks, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, August 7, 2003 10:53 AM CDT
Noah and Jays headed down to the cities at 8am this morning for more chemo tonight and then to stay until the counts go up. Not a lot of fun when it's so beautiful outside to be in a hospital for a 7 year old. He's had a wonderful couple of days running outside and feeling great except occasional stomach pain. He gets over it quick so he could continue playing outside with friends! We played miniture golf one night. He loves golf!!! Well Jason and Noah are heading this afternoon on a pass while they make the chemo to Grandma and Grandpa Schafbuch's house. Noah's skin in peeling from the chemo. He looks like he's been to the Bahamas and now is peeling all over his face.
Please continue to pray for no infections this time around and no fevers and of course his full head of hair!!! I look for hair every morning and throughout the day but he's still very bald. God has given him energy and strength and joy which is a great gift of God!!! Pray that the time in the hospital goes by quickly and that he can even enjoy it!
Thanks for your prayers to the one true God who can do anything!
In Him, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, August 5, 2003 3:51 PM CDT
Psalms 145:1-3
"I will extol You, my God, O King; And I will bless Your name forever and ever. Every day I will bless You, And I will praise Your name forever and ever. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised; And His greatness is unsearchable."
We praise God that Noah is running, riding bikes, playing all day with Alex a neighborhood friend. What a blessing to see him so happy and energetic. He just doesn't act like he has cancer! That in itself is a miracle after the chemo that is active in his body right now! Praise God for his mercy to us!!! We don't deserve anything good at all but He gives us so much! Thank you Lord for hearing our heart's cry and giving Noah what he needs each day! Tomorrow's the last day of fresh air for Noah for about 3-5 weeks. We continue to ask you to pray for Noah to wake up with a full head of hair as a sign of his complete healing.
Jason's Mom also went into the hospital again but now is at home. She's having a rough time with her heart and pain in her arm. Please continue to pray for healing for her and encouragemnt for her. She is very worried about Noah and that adds to her health problems. Only God can give the mercy and grace to life's heartache's.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, August 4, 2003 8:55 PM CDT
Noah had a great day today! Running around, playing with neighbor kids, and going constantly with no pain! A gift from God. Tonight he has stomach pain which is really bothering him. Please pray for a good night sleep for him with no pain.
Thanks for your faithful prayers! We need them every day many times to make it on this journey through the valley and look forward to someday being up on the mountain top!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, August 3, 2003 10:01 PM CDT
Noah made it to church today. We also went to ride the gocarts at summerland. He loves that! We took some pictures at munsinger park. It's so beautiful there with all of the flower gardens! I wonder what Heaven will look like. It will be fabulous.
Well Noah's stomach is feeling sick at times and okay at times. He feels like he's going to throw up and then we pray and give him zofran and then it goes away. It's the worst feeling to watch your child suffering -my heart just broke at times today when he was in stomach pain. I just keep crying out to God to please give us relief and especially Noah this relief. Only God! He can heal the sick and our broken hearts watching Noah go through all of this. Noah said a couple of times today that he wishes he could feel well soon. He doesn't complain just wishing.
Well we go back Thursday to Children's and do the whole repeat of chemo that he just had. To let you know the doses to try to get him into remission --it went from 100mg to 3000mg of ARC. It's not a fun drug! He needs a lot of prayer to prevent damage to organs and to protect his heart and every cell in his body. It is scary to think of the effects all these drugs can have so we just have to focus on the soverignity of God. He is God and can protect through anything. Not to say that Jason and I are feeling the effects of the last 7 and a half months of constant stress and heartache. We're weary yet want to trust God through each day. Please pray for special grace from God on Noah. Also pray for little Kaylee as she is very clingy to me and we're seeing effects emotionally on her. Noah needs physical healing and Kaylee needs emotionallly healing. Thanks for your prayers!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, August 2, 2003 12:45 AM CDT
Noah is currently asleep. Unfortunately his stomach and head hurt right now. We are waiting for three oclock and he will get a shot of chemo in his leg. After that we will be able to go home until next thursday. Then we will return and Noah will get the same round of chemo and then have to stay until his counts recover. Last time Noah took 29 days which is a week ahead of average. Noah is a tough fighter and doing well. His blood counts are a little high of cancer. When we came in on Thursday he had 58% of his white blood cells were cancerous now they are down to 42%. We are praying that we can get him into remission this round. His cancer is tough and not cooperating very well. Please pray Noah will go into remissiojn this round and he is able to go for bone marrow transplant soon. Thank you for checking on our Noah and supporting us in all the ways you do.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, August 1, 2003 1:13 PM CDT
Daniel 9:18-19
"O my God, incline Your ear and hear; open Your eyes and see our desolations, and the city which is called by Your name; for we do not present our supplications before You because of our righteous deeds, but because of Your great mercies. O Lord, hear! O Lord, forgive! O Lord listen and act! Do not delay for your own sake, my God, for your city and Your people are called by Your name."
Well that pretty much sums up my heart's cry to God. He is God and promised to never change so I continue to call upon Him for help for Noah even though I'm tired of praying sometimes not knowing how to pray or what to say. God still knows our hearts and can see how they break for little Noah! God can still do a miracle! Please pray for Noah today as the chemo is hurting his stomach. He gets a shot of chemo tomorrow in his leg which he's not going to like much at 3pm. Thanks for your continued prayers! Only God can help us and heal Noah!
Only Because of God's grace, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, July 31, 2003 4:58 PM CDT
We are alittle discouraged today. Noah is still feeling good and will start chemo tonight but his cancer has grown greatly since his last time they took his counts. His white blood count is suppose to be around 10,000 and his is 50,000. His cancer is growing rapidly. Not good! Well please continue to pray for healing and strength for us. We had a nice vacation but today I feel very weary. Thanks for prayers for encouragement and help for Noah and also continue to pray for a miracle for Priyanka who is in extrememly critical condition at the U.
Thanks, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, July 30, 2003 10:04 PM CDT
We returned from our mini vacation this afternoon. It was nice to get away for a little bit and relax and enjoy the beauty of the North Shore. Noah had awesome energy. He and Kayle were able to climb the waterfall at Gooseberry Falls and play in the freezing water of Superior. It was nice to watch all of Noah's enthusiasm for doing things.
Tomorrow Noah goes in for more chemo and the next round the plan is he gets three or four chemos. Three which he has had before and one new chemo. I will find out more about this chemo tomorrow. We will be at Children's for roughly three days and come home for a few days and then go back until his counts recover. Last round it was day 29 that he was able to go home. Please pray for Noah's body to handle the chemo well and maintain his energy the best he can.
When you venture down this road you have a immediate bond with other families struggling with cancer in their children. Please pray for these families as well. It is hard to see other children suffer with ths dreaded disease. Please pray for Priyanka this evening, she is having a difficult time with her bone marrow transplant, she is in critical condition and Priyanka and her family need your prayers. Please also pray for other cancer kids and their families venturing this road; Max, Drew, Jonathan, Kyle, Christie, and Portia.
God is able to overcome any illness that suffers our fleshly bodies, but we must align our hearts and desires to that of God and His purpose for our lifes.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, July 26, 2003 9:16 PM CDT
Here's a quote in Elisabeth Elliot's book.
Be quiet,why this anxious heed
About thy tangled ways
God knows them all, He giveth speed,
And He allows delays.
Noah had another great day! He's going full speed at everything and no naps. We are so thankful for his energy and enthusiasm for life!
We are leaving tomorrow after church for the Grand Rapids area and then to Lutzen on Monday or Tuesday. We are all very excited about alittle vacation before we start over the chemo process on Thursday. We go until Saturday or Sunday and then come home for one week and then we go to Children's and wait once again until the counts go up. Last time it took about 3 weeks.
Thanks for your continued prayers that God's will is done and that we trust Him for every detail. A friend at Children's said something that was good. She said that everyone is going to face death sometime it's just that we are facing it now as a reality with our kids. Not that they are going to die just that cancer can kill. Each of us needs to ask ourselves if we were to die today do we know for sure that we would go to Heaven. We can know for sure that we will see Jesus if we have put our trust in Him because He died on the cross for us to forgive us of all of our sins. All we have to do is accept the amazing gift of God! He has promised that no pit is so deep that He isn't deeper still! Corrie Ten Boone said that after all the suffering that she went through. God is faithful and we can trust in Him completely!
Only because of His grace!
Heidi and Jason
Saturday, July 26, 2003 9:46 AM CDT
Noah had a good day yesterday! Noah, Daddy, and Uncle Joel all went four wheeling last night! Noah had a blast! He's feeling great and looks good! We are thankful for every good day! We just want to make time stop and enjoy the moment forever!
Jason's Mom, Doll still has to have tests but is on her way home now! We are thankful for that answer to pray too! Please continue to pray for no more heart attacks and for health for her as well!
Thanks for all of your continued prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, July 24, 2003 9:46 PM CDT
Please pray for 2 major requests tonight...
Jason's mom Darlene has had a couple of heart attacks in the last day and tonight the doctor's are very worried because they can't find the cause and they think that she'll have another one tonight! We are all praying! Please pray and fast for her and also for Noah
Noah is not in remission as of today's bone marrow test. He still has 15 percent cancer in the bone and none in the blood. This is not good news. He asked if the doctor had called with the results. He understands more than we think. He was very disappointed when we told him the news. He wants to be done with this nightmere.
Thanks for your prayers also for all of the other kids who are suffering today with cancer! It is not of God although God allows it to let us grow. We don't understand but we have to continue to trust! Thanks for your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, July 24, 2003 5:21 PM CDT
We did not get good news today. Noah has 15 percent cancer in his bone and is not in remission. We are clinging to God's promises that he gave us in Psalms 86! God can do the impossible! Noah's situation is not the best but is that to hard for the God of the universe? Of course not! He and Jason went to the Twins game today and had a great time! Thanks for your continued prayers to our God the sovereign God and our Savior! He alone can heal Noah!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, July 24, 2003 9:44 AM CDT
Noah is currently asleep under the milk medicine. He is having a bone marrow biopsy. His counts are all good and his energy is good. He is excited today he gets to go to his first baseball game. He gets to sit close to third base. It will be alot of fun. Pray for Drs wisdom on his next phase. Another prayer request is for my mom. She was admitted to the hospital this morning at 4am. Something about a shadow heart attack. I guess it is not a real heart attack but symptoms of one. She is doing ok and able to rest. WE appreciate all your prayers and encouragement through our guestbook, we read each entry and feel uplifted by your love and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, July 23, 2003 3:48 PM CDT
Noah continues to do well. He goes tomorrow for a bone marrow biopsy. WE pray that it will show favorable results. Noah's energy almost seems back to normal. If it was not for his bald head you would think he was just a normal boy. Noah has a busy schedule of fun ahead of him. He has seat for tomorrow Twins game and he and I are going four wheeling friday with his favorite uncle.WE bring Joel along because he has the winch on his machine(J/k Joel). And we are trying to go on a mini vacation. WE are keeping close tabs with all of our cancer familes from eight. Please pray earnestly for Prianka, she is fighting hard for he r life right now. She just went through bone marrow transplant and her body is not accepting the new marrow very well. Please pray for her and her family. Also please pray for MAx, Christie, Jonathan, Drew, Portia, Rosie, Kyle and may others who fight this fight.
In His Hands
Jasonand Heidi
Sunday, July 20, 2003 3:19 PM CDT
Noah is doing great!!! He has pretty good energy! He looks great! Thanks for all of your prayers! Please pray fervently for his bone marrow test this Thursday or Friday! Also pray for direction for Dr. Bendell. Please pray that if Noah is completely healed that God would show us a sign! We continue to thank God for each answer to prayer and for His daily blessings to us! I will not give up on all of His promises to me until the end! I believe that God is doing a miracle and will keep claiming Psams 86! We are hoping to take a little vacation to Luzten sometime this week or next! Noah and Kaylee love the waterfalls and God's beautiful creation! Rebecca St. James had an awesome new cd out! I love the song Expressions of your love! It's such an encouraging cd! Every day God gives us beatiful creations to show us His love for us and His heart!
May you know God's love for you today!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, July 17, 2003 3:30 PM CDT
Psalms 118:17 says, "I shall not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord."
Noah had a rough week and then started to improve. My cousin Katrina came up to help me and to be my prayer support. She greatly encouraged me and to know that God can do anything in any circumstance.
Noah was released to come home yesterday around lunch. It was a celebration although we were all to tired to do to much accept to be thankful for all that God is doing and has done.
On Tuesday Noah's counts went up greatly except that he had blasts of 5 % in his blood. That is the cancer number. It could mean two things--either the cancer was still there and he wasn't in remission or the GCIF medicine which makes the white count go up was causing the blasts. Well the nurse practicioner was not to worried but our doctor who talked to me later that evening was very concerned and said that we could probably only go home for a day if the cancer was back. I felt a great urgentcy to pray and to let others know to pray. Katrina and I prayed right away and then Jason called people to pray. I went to bed worried and yet asking God to believe His promises to us and Noah. The next morning I woke up and his white blood count had gone from 800 to 3200 overnight. That's where the cancer lives so if he had 5% blasts at 800 they would greatly increase at 3200. Well the anc wasn't back yet or the blast count. I went to take my shower and asked the nurses if they were back at that point and they said no. I sang songs of praise to God during my shower and prayed and prayed. Fearful yet asking for faith to believe in what God would choose. A moment I'll never forget. Than I walked past the nurses and one nurse stopped me and made a zero with her hand. I said it's back? She said yes and there are NO blasts. I said thank you Lord and began to praise Him for the answer to prayer. I called Jason crying out of gratefulness to God!!!!! It was a miracle! Praise the Lord for what He did!
All of the nurses rejoiced with me and Noah!!!! One nurse said, "It's the power of prayer!" How true! Only God can do it!
Thanks for your continued prayers as Noah is having a bone marrow test next week and then unless God shows us a sign of His complete healing will continue the next round of chemo. Our hearts and prayers are asking God to take away any more chemo and to let it be over and that God would receive all of the praise!
Jason is still on the mission trip to Chicago and is having a great time. Continue to pray for safety and that many will come to know Him!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, July 11, 2003 11:19 AM CDT
Noah continues to improve, the nurses can not beleive the turn around he is doing. Great news his infection in his intestines is gone, yea GOD. His counts still continue to drop because now they are fixing a few irratatios he has. We hop he can go home in a few days. Actually he was laughing hysterically today. He got so out of hand we had to tie him to the bed with his sheets. he thought it was such a hoot. It is so great to hear him laugh and talk. Our Noah is back.
Thank you to so many for your prayers and support through the last two weeks. They were very difficult, please continue to pray as we have to go through this treatment again in a few weeks.
Please pray for a couple of the families who fight this same fight. Pray for Max who just received his Bone Marrow Transplant and is doing well. Drew who has finished his treatment of AML, Jonathan who is in maintainence for ALL, Kyle who is in treatment, Christie and Rosie who are heading for transplant but can not get into remission.
This cancer is ugly to the patient and the family.
Pray for Heidi as she will be with Noah as I head to Chicago to take our students on a mission experience.
For His Kingdom
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, July 10, 2003 11:06 AM CDT
It has been the roler coaster ride of the week. Noah makes major strides in improving and very scary times. Last night he had a major reaction to one of the antifungal medicines. It sent all the nurses and Drs into Noahs room to make sure he was stable. On the good side his blood counts began to move yesterday with his wbc at 300 and anc at 40 but today they dropped to wbc to 200 and anc to 12. The Dr believes it is becuase of the infection in his intestines. Heidi was up at the hospital the last two days and now is on her way home. I took the two girls home with me so could get in the office. Judy, our Pastors wife watched Gracie and Kaylee so I could work. (thanks Judy) Heidi will come back annd be with Noah for a week or until he is discharged, we are actually hoping he will be discharged early next week. Please pray for that. I am off to Chicago for 8 days taking our students on a mission trip. please pray for our family during this next week that everything is ok and Noah only improves. After he gets home we will be there for 1-2 weeks before we have to do this again. ray speicifacally that his counts will increase. Also other good news Noah will be disconnected from his pole today for a few hours. The first time since we have been admitted. Noah is talking and doing more activity. Thank you God. We know his hand is always around us and protecting.
For His Kingdom
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, July 8, 2003 8:32 AM CDT
Well Noah had a good night, he slept well and sound. Yesterday he began to be in a lot of pain so they decided to put a tub down through his nose intohis stomach to pump out his stomach. Well it took about 5 hours for it to begin to work because the fluid that was in his stomach was so thick the tube culd not suck it up but finally were able to get it to work properly. It brought a lot of relief to Noah. At about 5 this morning he woke up to use the restroom and called out and then noticed that the tube was not in his stomach any more. Somehow he achieved at pulling it out with ut knowing it. He will receive another Cat Scan today toanalyze his progress. Heidi is coming up to be with Noah for a couple of days so I can get back to the office and get some things done. Please pray for the next couple of days. That Noahs counts will go up, that he can go home soon. He has spiked a fever this morning so we have to get that under control. The roller coaster continues.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, July 7, 2003 9:19 AM CDT
i think we have turned the corner. Noah has been fever free for the last three days. His pain has been mild th e last couple of days. He is losing weight(water weight), he has had water in his lungs and surrounding his intestines. His white blood count has gone to 100. Which is stillnothing but at least it has signs that it wants to start to climb. Even his ANC which has been zero has gone to 2. A quick blood lesson, you and I have have roughly 5000 to 15000 White blood cells and our ANC is 2000 or greater. So in comparison his numbers are still very low but we are seeing change. Even Noah's spirits sem to be up this morning. WE are going to get him a bath and maybe get him to the play room to play some games. It is amazing how the small things can bring such light to your day. Pleae pray for Noah and his recovery. Pray that he is able to go home soon, We thank you so much for caring and supporting our family.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, July 5, 2003 4:06 PM CDT
Please pray for Noah! His oxogen level keeps dropping. He needs constant oxogen. He told the nurse that he just wants to go home when she asked what he needs. He looks very sad today. He is puffy from all of the liquids with all of the infection and since he's not eating or drinking. Please pray for God's hand to love Noah and give him joy and help from the pain in all of this. As parents this breaks your heart over and over to see him suffering day and night!!! He has good moments in bed and then he's just so tired and sick! I keep for God to touch his little sick body and in His timing to heal him! Please pray for hope and help for all of us! God has promised to keep His promises to His children and we trust Him and cling to Him for His promises! Noah made the best poster ever--he wrote Jesus died for you on the cross, Jesus can do a miracle for me, and I love you Jesus so much--Love, Noah. I guess he knows that Jesus is holding him-he thought of all of it all by himself. Then he drew a picture of a cross and hearts and scooby do stickers that he got from the wonderful nurses! We give special thanks to the wonderful nurses and for Dr. Bendell who is the greatest!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, July 5, 2003 11:57 AM CDT
Noah was able to watch the fireworks last night out of our window. Noah took a four hour nap yesterday and when he woke up was in great spirits. He was talking a lot and even came and sat on the sofa and played some games on the Play Station. Unfortunately, but when he went to bed his oxygen level dropped low and his pulse was all over the place. So they had to keepa close watch onhim last night. He had a chest and abdomen xray this morning to see if they missed anything. He continues to be in good sprits. Somebody donated food from Famous Daves yesterday. It was delicious. We keep waiting for his count to go up but that is not due for another couple of weeks. It is very quite in the hospital since they try to send everyone home they can over the holiday weekend. Thanks for checking in.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, July 4, 2003 10:07 AM CDT
Happy 4th of July. It is one of those holidays that we often forget to take the time to remember. The time to remember the great freedom we now possess because of the courage and faith of many people before us. Take a few minutes to think about the men who gave up their families and their livelyhood and their lifes so that we could be free in this nation. Never forget the founding faith of this country. It was this nations faith in our Lord Jesus Christ that brought us to this point.
Noah had a rough night, his temp hit 104.5 and a lot of diararhea(sp. He also threw up again. His stomach aches quite a bit, but at leats we have found the source of his pain. In his intestines he is building water and has created sores on the lining of the walls. We hold onto God's strength for the next moment. It is one roller coaaster ride. Currently he is in a lot less pain and actually talking. We so appreciate your prayers and your encouragement you have been leaving behind in the guestbook.
Tonight noah's room is on the eigth floor, I guess you can see many fireworks from this side of the hospital. The hospital is bringing in Famous Daves for the families today. May our country birthday point you to the freedom we have in Christ.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, July 3, 2003 11:34 AM CDT
Noah had a rough night last night. He threw up again and spiked a fever. So they gave him a CAT scan this morning to see what is going on with system. He is currently under the milk medicine, sleepy medicine. He is receiving a Spinal tap with chemo. He is in a lot of pain from something. He is also receiving another platelette transfusion today. He is being pumped so full of drugs and stuff, I do not know how our bodies canhandle all of that. Your prayers are so valued as your signing of the guestbook. I'll update this page when I Know more. Thanks to all.
Love
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, July 2, 2003 6:26 PM CDT
Good news, the infections are on the decline. The antibiotics are working. Praise God. Noah does not feel very well currently. He stomachs hurts a lot from the chemo and all of the meds he is taking. Plus the infection in his intestines makes it hurt. he was unplugged from the chemo last night. So now we have to wait for his ANC to go up. Currently it is at 5, that number will have to increase significantly before Noah is allowed home. ANC represents his immunue system. I actually was able to take Noah outside today, and he was able to pet a horse and feed it carrots. There are some new pictures in the photo page. Pleae continue to pray for Noah and our family. Please alos pray for the families on this eigth floor where so much suffering is happening. We give God thanks for who He is and all He does. God is so ever present amongst the suffering.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, July 2, 2003 8:10 AM CDT
Just received aphone call from Heidi. Noah was up all night inpain and throwing up. Grace Anna has come down with a cough so they want grace to leave the hospital because of the possibility of infecting Noah. I am leaving right away. Pray for Noah for quick healing andmore importantly that our hearts are in tune with God's. We need God's peace more than ever. Thanks for your prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, July 1, 2003 12:08 AM CDT
We wish we had better news for you today but Noah now has bacterial infection in his blood, intestines and his port. Normally a human body could fight these infections but Noah has no immune system right now. For Leukemia patients the most dangerous thing for them is infections. He is getting a lot of antibiotics and nutriotion IV. he is in pain and does not get out of bed. We are going to try a little morphine to aleve the pain he is experiencing. I am currently in St Cloud and Heidi and Grace are at the hospital. Kaylee is at my parents house. Not your typical day in the park. Please pray for the infections to go away and for Noah to feel a lot better. We so much appreciate your caring words in his guestbook. Today is the last day for his chemo this round. Once he is unhooked from chemo we wait for his blood counts to recover. He received a blood transfusion last night and will receive a platelette transfusion today. He is also going to receive a xrays on his stomach and chest to look for more infection. Thank you for your prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, June 30, 2003 9:36 AM CDT
Noah was on careful watch last night, he spiked a temp of 103.8 and would not respond to meds to bring his temp down, his blood pressure was also low. So he had to have his vitals taken a lot last night. Around midnight his temp dropped back into normal range and stayed there the rest of the night but this mroning he spiked again to 103.4. The Drs believe it is probably from one of the chemo's but they drew labs for cultures and have put him on two additional antibiotics. Noah has been pretty lethargic lately. Who would not be with that high of a temp. But he still seems to be in good spirits. Grandma Darlene came last night and gave daddy a chance to go ut and get a bite with his grnadpa. She was able to put cool clothes on his forehead. If you know Noah he does not like wash clothes on his forehead. But Grandma was able and just sang to him for over an hour. Please pray for Noah's recovery and for ur wisdom on how to bein the hospital as a family. Figuring our schedules right now is mind consuming. We really appreciate your continued prayers and encouraging words in the guestbook.
Just got word that he does have a bacterial infection in which means he has to take some strong antibiotics to knock it out. He has absolutley no white blood cells inhis sysyem, which also means he has no immune system in his system.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, June 29, 2003 11:42 AM CDT
Today, I headed home to go to church and pick up the rest of the family. Noah is getting more and more tired and nausous. The chemo is beginning to effect him and he has developed a 102.5 fever. his uncle came down to watch him as I had to leave for a few hours. Noah drifts in and out and watches a little tv and goes back to sleep. We do not understand the reasoning behind this suffering but we want God to be glorified through this. Please pray for ur strength and Noah's healing. We value your prayers and your entries in the guestbook. Thanks for caring.
Love Jason and Heidi
Saturday, June 28, 2003 5:30 PM CDT
Today Noah is not doing very well. They are thinking about giving him a feeding tube. He needs a blood and plattlete transfussion also. Jason's having a rough day at the hospital.
Despite the circumstances I really believe that today is the day that Noah is going to be healed miracously. I've prayed together with other believers today and I have been praying all day. I just have this peace that today is the day! I'm cleaning the house and I have this wonderful feeling that Jason and Noah could walk through the door any minute even though Noah's suppose to be there for a least 35 days.
I've been singing the song that says, "God will make a way where there seems to be no way. He works in ways we cannot see God will make a way for (Noah) He will be my guide, hold me closely to His side. With love and strength for each new day. GOD WILL MAKE A WAY!
God gave me Psalms 86 the very first day and it says in verse 10 "For you are great and perform great miracles. You alone are God."
I trust Him for the impossible and awaite a miracle!
God is faithful and so good!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, June 28, 2003 3:39 PM CDT
Noah and I are in the hospital on the eight floor. he is hooked up again to his tether(pole full of pumps). He is receiving a blood transfusion and platelette transfusion. His hemoglobin was 7.1 and platelette was 40k. You can tell the chemo is beginning to effect his energy. He is very tired and weak. They are watching his nutrition. He is not eating because of the painin his stomach but if he does not eat enough soon, they wil put him on tube feedings. It has been a long morning, Noah is currently taking a nap. When we left last week the floor was pretty empty but it is currently full. Please pray for the chemo to work and destroy the cancer but not to have much affect on his system. Pray for energy for the family and peace and wisdom. Thank you for your prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jasona nd Heidi
Friday, June 27, 2003 8:33 PM CDT
Please continue to pray for Noah! He just started 96 more hours of chemo again after only 6 days from the last 96 hours. His stomach is really hurting now. He took it so in stride going to the hospital this morning but now I can tell that he wants to be home. Please pray that God will provide a miracle from cancer and that he won't even need to go through any more terrible chemo! We look for a full head of hair every day or perfect counts which would mean a miracle! I can't wait for the day when we can enjoy a summer with vacations and a normal life again! To have Noah healthy is our desperate prayer! God has a plan although we don't know what it is right now. It so painful to see your little innocent child suffering day after day! What can we do but turn to God and pray and wait on Him to answer and meet all of our needs and Noah's needs! We tried getting him out of this chemo but they said that 10 years ago they tried waiting until their counts came up again and the cancer came back quicker and stronger than before. Only God! Please pray that the chemo kills the cancer but doesn't have any other bad effects on Noah and is like vitamins to his little body.
Psalms 31:22 "In my distress, I said, "God cannot see me!" But you heard my prayer when I cried out to you for help."
Psalms 59:17 "O my strength, I will sing praises to you, for you, O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love."
Psalms 56"3-4 "But when I am afraid, I put my trust in you. O God, I praise your word. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid? What can mere mortals do to me?"
Psalms 27:14 "Wait for the Lord; Be strong, and let your heart take courage; Yes wait for the Lord."
Pray for God to answer our urgent requests,
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, June 25, 2003 8:35 PM CDT
Noah's alittle low on energy but still feeling fairly well. He has stomach pain and heads to the bathroom a lot. Today I noticed that his legs were really bruised and than found bruises on his back so we called right away and got him in for a plattletts transfussion. He said that he felt really tired after that. His immune system is extremely low and his hemo. is dropping. Please pray for the next 96 hours of straight chemo is terrible on the body. We're WAITING on God for the next day as well as the next months. It's very hard for us to know how to keep our family close and help Noah and for Jason to work as well. We don't even have a plan yet but continue to wait on God. Without God we are without hope but God is with us therefore we can get up and face tomorrow with hope that God has the details all worked out! People call and say how are you going to do this with 3 kids and Jason's ministry and everything. I say we have no clue but we are simply waiting on our loving God who knows what each day brings. We continue to desperately pray for a miracle! I just know that God is going to do a big one soon! He gave me Psalms 86 and I trust Him for the impossible.
Thanks for all of your continued prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, June 22, 2003 9:26 PM CDT
We arrived home last night close to midnight. We are all wiped out! Noah threw up last night and Jason had to go out and get him some Zophran. Today he has felt very nautious all day. He has low energy and is wondering how long this will all last. He wanted to know if he'll have his hickman out before school starts and I said well we're praying for a miracle and expecting one--however God choses to do it.
Jason and my health is going down hill as well. All of the stress and heartache really hits hard. We are seeing the affects of stress on our bodies functuncing right. God promised that He will never give us more than we can take so we cling to His promises! He promised to never leave us or forsake us so we cling to Him in desperation tonight! He is the ONLY hope for Noah and our family!
What is it like being up on the 8th floor you might wonder--the nurses are wonderful and they make it more fun but the down side is all of the suffering! I talked to a little girl who was fighting a life threatening sickness which no one knew until later. She had to go down to the intensive care unit and then the next day they had to pull the plug. It is heart breaking up there. I was also panicked because the Grandma touched Grace a lot and then the sick little girl. The next day Grace woke up sick so you can imagine my panick on top of Noah's operation and constant chemo. I just couldn't stop crying. The wonderful nurse that we had kept giving me hugs all day long! She was a gift from God for those rough days! It is very hard to keep in good spirits and to try to protect Grace, Kaylee, and Noah from germs.
Please pray for new strength and a miracle! We don't know how much longer we can endure these days. We're suppose to be getting new carpet so the kids can finally have their own rooms but now we are looking and not being home past this Thursday for at least 9 months at least. It is depressing to think about this and the future suffering that Noah has to endure and is trusting our decisions.
WE ARE DESPERATE FOR GOD!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, June 20, 2003 10:46 AM CDT
Noah is currently enjoying running around Yosemete Park. Well actually on the PlayStation he is. Noah is connected to five pumps as they dripchemo and fluids into his system. So movement is not to easy he has a big rack he has to take everywhere with him. He had surgery yesterday to install a double lumen hickman. Fancy words for two tubes sticking in his chest the go directly into a main artery and have 6-7 inches sticking out of his chest. thay had to install this because his port was not big enough to handle all the medicine. Noah is not quite fond of this new piece of equipment. You can tell the meds are starting to take affect on his system. He is starting to slow down. You know sometimes we get at a loss on what to say. Our emotions are all over the place, hoping there was an easier way where we did not have to put him through such torture. Our future plans are just starting to take shape. We will go home tomorrow noght for 6 days then come back to stay anywhere from 30 to 60 days until his counts recover. Then we start a similar round over again. After that we are transfered to the U of M for another 30 to 60 days for his Bone Marrow Transplant. After that we stay at the Ronald Mcdonald House or something similar for three months so we have quick access to the hospital. There is nothing light about what lies ahead for us. Every step we take is very dangerous for Noah. This makes his last treatment look so easy. He will be at great risk for infection and relapsing of Leukemia. Please pray for Heidi, it is more than a mother can handle. She needs love and encouragement. If you do not mind writing in our guestbook , it brings such encouragement to us in these dark days. We continue to look toGod for strength and peace. We do apreciate your prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, June 18, 2003 2:37 PM CDT
Today is day 1 in his chemo treatment. He is receiving 96 hours straight of chemo. Afterwards we will be allowed to return home for 6 days and then return for another 96 hours of chemo. After that we will have to stay until his blood counts recover. We search each day for God's strength and wisdom. He so far is tolerating the chemo well. Children's has done a great job of making Noah feel comfortable. Please continue to pray for our family. Thank you all.
In His hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 1:41 PM CDT
What a lonely day. We had an appointment with the doctor as she explained to us everything all side effects and chrmosones and proteins. it felt like it did in the very beginning. And then I figured the date out. Today is exactly 6 months from when we were first diagnosed and began fighting the first round and here we are back at square one only this time it will be a lot more difficult. We wish there was some easier way. I had to sign papers allowing the next procedure. I signed it was ok to put deadly chemicals in my sons body. It might seem like a simple thing to do from the outside but the reality of it is so wrong. I know he needs the chemo for any chance of survival outside of God's hand just touching and removing it from his body. As Heidi wrote earlier we wish we could have just stayed in bed. I know God will give us the strength to forge ahead and to allow His will to be done through us. To be honest I am scared, very scared.
Please pray for our strength and peace and mainly for Noah's healing. We are amazed at all the people across this country and other copuntires who are praying for Noah. Thank you. Don;t take one day for granted, you never know what tomorrow holds, so make the most of the day before you.
In His Loving Arms
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, June 17, 2003 7:22 AM CDT
Our prayer today is, "Lord have mercy on us!" We are packing and heading out by 8am this morning. I have butterflies in my stomach. We keep waiting for God's will to be done but our heart is for a huge miracle. I'm praying that when they check his blood today for cancer that there will be not one cell. May God receive all the glory! What a day of rejoicing that will be! Please hold us up in prayer as we would rather stay in bed and hide from our troubles but with God we can face them!
Love,Heidi, Jason, Noah, Kaylee, and Grace Anna
Monday, June 16, 2003 10:19 PM CDT
Last night I just poured out my heart to God and cried and cried for awile. I woke up and my eyes looked all puffy but my spirit felt better. I just talked to God and gave Him all of my hurts and pain in seeing Noah go through all of this. God just told me to continue to wait quietly before Him! He just gave me a quiet peace. Noah was much more joyful although still nervous and doesn't want to go to the hospital tomorrow.
Please pray for Noah to know how much God loves him and that God is all powerful!
A verse that hit me tonight is in Psalms 146:7. It says, "The Lord gives freedom to the prisoners." I feel like we are prisoners of the Leukemia and the chemo. I pray for freedom soon for Noah that he can enjoy being a kid again and have no more worries about going to the hospital. I feel like we all have a huge weight on our hearts that can't disappear. I pray that Noah will see that God can do the impossible and that he will know God's love and just how powerful God is and even to him personally. Thank you for your prayers! God knows that we're tired and how much we can bear.
God is our only hope! Heidi and Jason
Sunday, June 15, 2003 9:56 PM CDT
Please pray for a miracle even tonight! Noah doesn't want to even eat because he is so scared to go in the hospital for a long time. He is really sad about this which is really a first for him. He's always been pretty up even when we've been down. Now he has a stomach ache whenever he starts to think about Tuesday. Please hold us up in pray and please write on the webpage special things that might encourage us. Jason and I are at the end of our rope. We are so worn out! I don't think we've ever been so weary before in our lives. We can not take much more. Our pray is for God to get the glory through this and want to have the faith yet we are so weary and hurting for Noah! Our hearts are broken as we face another hard day of what the future is. Noah's lost his spunk it seems almost instantly! He's been angry at times and in tears other times. He's had enough of all of this! Like Chuck Swindoll said this Luekemia is hellish and it is! What a nightmere! Please pray for a miracle soon! We are all wearing out!
Help God! Heidi and Jason
Saturday, June 14, 2003 12:14 AM CDT
Well we made it home today. how do you plan two days knowing it will be the last normal days for many weeks. Do you get the house ready, do you try to tie all up the loose ends, do you spend it in activity, or do you just sleep from exhaustion. For those who have not heard Noah has relapsed, which means the chemo and treatments from the last several months did not work and we have to move on to tougher 'stuff'. We will go to the hospital for 4-5 days next week and home for a week and then back to the hospital 4-5 days of chemo and stay until his counts recover which means a minimum of 30 days on top of that. His doctor left a message that his cells are looking now more like AML cells and less ALL. Because of his relapse his leukemia will now be more difficult to cure. His odds have dropped significantly 30-50 ut our God is a lot bigger than numbers. Please pray for our family as we are tired, angry and overwhelmed. Pray for wisdom for the DR's. Children's is a great place and have always done an excellent job in communicating to us and caring for our precious son. Also pray for our little Kayle, this is going to be hard on her.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, June 13, 2003 11:05 AM CDT
Help God is all we can cry. Noah has relapsed into Leukemia. I just called and notified Heidi. The reality is just to real for us right now. Tell me how a parent is supposed to handle their son or daughter fighting this for the last six months and get notice it did not work. Unless you are going down this road believe me you have no idea. I feel so numb to my surroundings right now. What is real? Noah will look at AML treatment with a bone marrow transplant. The doctor has already informed us we will be in the hospital most of the summer. I have a meeting with her in a couple of hours after all the reports come back in. Please pray for us a as a family, pray for Noah. God is still bigger than this cancer. The pain is so real.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, June 13, 2003 9:10 AM CDT
Currently Noah is under sleepy medicine. He is receiving a spinal tap and bone marrow test. I am a little concerned with his counts. His white blood count came back a little elevated, have to leave that concern with God. Today is a mile marker in our treatment. We pray his tests comes back negative with no signs of cancer. If it would come back positve it would mean switching to AML treatment in which we do not want. NOah went to sleep laughing, we have a couple of rules here in the hospital which he always seems to break. The first rule which he cannot follow is no smiling in the hospital. He is so good about receiving the different treatments. Noah was even gracious enough to allow mommy to stay at grandma's and grandpa's to get a little extra sleep. Please pray for his continued strength, he is losing alot of muscle and strength. Pray for Dr's wisdom and God's peace upon our family. Thank you for your prayers and love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, June 10, 2003 1:42 PM CDT
WE have a busy week ahead of us. Tomorrow Heidi and I will celebrate 9 years on marriage. What a blessing she is to my life and for our family. Truly one of God's blessings upon our life. Friday Noah starts a new phase of chemo for the next two months. This same phase will be repeated again in November and December. He has one month of PEG, Dexatron, Vincristine, Dobicyane and a couple of others. (sorry about spelliing) ANd then the next month is 6mp and ARA-c. Both of these months are difficult on his system. Please pray for good tolerance to these meds and little complications. Also this Friday is a huge day for us because Noah will have a bone marrow test, which willbe a milestone in his treatment. If you have been following along Noah progress you'll remember Noah had several difficulties with remission and definite diagnosis. WE still are not sure on his Leukemia type. Currently he is being treated as ALL with the toughest protocol. This bone marrow will tell us if he is still in remission and if the treatment is working. Please pray this test comes back that he is in remission. I know I threw a lot of terms and medical stuff at you today but we have really enjoyed the last several weeks with little side affects and our very nervous about this next phase. Thanks for your support and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, June 5, 2003 8:07 AM CDT
We just got word that one of the families we met up on eighth floor of Children's lost their child a few days ago. He was battling AML and his body could not go into remission. That was hard news for us. There is another family going through a very difficult day. There son is going through brain surgery. The surgery will last 24 hours as it is a very complex surgery and very few doctors will perform such a surgery as this one. Please pray for Kyle today. Pray for their family. Also Max has transferred care to U of M because of his need for a bone marrow transplant. So much going on for the cancer families we have met and have come to love through this dreaded disease. Heidi and the kids are going to Milwaukee for a few days. Noah is doing ok, we are about to enter a very difficult phase in his treatment. Thanks for your prayers.
In His hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, June 3, 2003 9:09 PM CDT
Noah had a school celebration tonight. He sang a couple of songs and did a great job. They did the ants go marching and one little boy said, "Noah, we're praying for you!" Noah had a great class this year with lots of support and prayer from class mates and parents and staff. Our many thanks for all the SCCS family for your love and support.
Noah currently is doing well, his ANC dropped a little and he is losing a lot of muscle. There are day we can go withut thinking about the severity of this disease and then there are those like today where the reality really hits home and it crushes you and grieves your whole being. God continues to love and protect us with His grace. There are a couple of families who we have met through this dreaded disease that their children are really struggling through the treatment. My heart aches for these children, I know where we are at and they have it more difficult. To be completely honest right now, I am very angry at cancer. it has ravaged my sons body. Please continue to pray.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, June 1, 2003 8:56 AM CDT
(This is Noah's aunt (Jodi) writing from Jason and Heidi's home...)
What a privelege it is to be up here in Minnesota visiting my sister, Jason and my wonderful neices and nephew. I stand amazed whenever I get on this website and read the messages that you write. You have no idea how much these have encouraged Jason and Heidi. There are days that they are overwhelmed beyond measure. Yet I continue to see how the Lord is giving them strength for each day, a strength that comes from none other than Jesus Christ. I am reminded of the words of the hymn Day by Day" as it says "Day by day and with each passing moment, strength I find to meet my trials here. Trusting in my Father's wise bestowment, I've no caues for worry or for fear. He whose heart is kind beyond all measure, gives unto each day what He deems best. Lovingly, is part of pain and pleasure, mingling toil with peace and rest."
We are so appreciative of your care towards our family and for Noah. Noah is looking good to me and is not as puffy in his face. He has a great attitude. We have had a blast swimming at the hotel over the past couple of days with the kids! His energy seems to be good right now. Thank you for your continual prayers about the upcoming and intense chemo treatments though. We know that with each day, our loving Father will give the grace needed at the moment of the need. I am thankful for your prayers, love, words to encourage and how you focus our attention on the Lord. Even as I sit here and write, I realize that I really have no idea what they have gone through as parents watching their son endure cancer. I do not want my words to be written lightly as if this is no big deal. But I realize that if our hearts are breaking, how much more our loving heavenly Father cares. I don't know what you are facing today. But I am encouraged by the words in Psalm 103:13-14 that says "As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He Himself knows our frame and that we are but dust." Come to Jesus today! He alone can satisfy the longing and emptiness that every heart has. Thank you again for your love towards us. Love Jodi
Tuesday, May 27, 2003 9:25 PM CDT
We had a great weekend four wheeling. We would have liked to stay a few more days to relax together!!! Well Noah's feeling good! God spared Noah from more chemo today! Thank you Lord. His counts were all great except his immune system was just below the point where he couldn't have the metheltrexate. He just had the vincristine where his legs hurt and he trips easily. It doesn't make him feel sick though. It was the last dose of meth. that he would have gotten and the biggest dose they give to make it toxic to the body but God spared him from this. I was so thankful. PRAISE GOD!!! We have no more chemo for 2 long weeks of fun I hope! He can now finish school strong and feel great!!! Please pray that these 2 weeks are so wonderful for Noah and that he grows stronger and stays healthy from any germs.
Please pray for a dear family! Her name is also Heidi and we met her and Kyle on the 8th floor. He has to have the worst brain surgery there is on June 5th. It's about a 24 hour long surgery with much involved. It's very scary and Heidi and Kyle need tons of prayers for a miracle!!!! He has brain tumors. He had gone through all of his chemo and relasped. He's been doing chemo for quite a while and now they have to do the surgery and then more chemo until December. Please pray for God to remove the tumor so he doesn't even have to go through this terrible operation or that God would do a miracle and cause the surgery to go great and no side effects which are many but I will not go into details. Thanks for your faithful prayers for the dear I believe 6 year old.
With our God all things are possible!!!! Thanks for your prayers!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, May 22, 2003 6:53 PM CDT
We are planning to leave for a four wheeling weekend. Noah's four wheeler just broke down. Jason is trying to figure out what to do to fix it quick. We will probably leave tomorrow now. Well Noah is looking good but still has this yucky cold. He went to school today and had a lot of fun! Please pray that he won't have any fevers. The last dose of medicine that he had was strong stuff but God is protecting him from the affects of it.
Grace is still not feeling to well from her cold. Her nose is dripping all the time and she's cranky but still a sweetie!
It's been a hard week for me--I just can't wait until our life is more normal! It's scary for me to look at what June and July are going to bring. I know it's in God's hands but I'm scared about the next 2 months with the chemo really knocking Noah out. The next 2 months are the hard chemo where his counts go to zero and there at risk for infections and internal bleeding and tons of other stuff. Please pray for joy and peace for us all. Noah's weary of being sick but still has a lot of life in him. This is the longest, hardest, road that I could have imagined. My life was pretty simple and easy until this with Noah's health.
Please pray for extra joy and hope for Jason and me.
Please pray protection on Noah's body from the chemo.
Please pray that our summer will be better than we could
imagine. All things are possible with God!
Please pray for a special friend this summer for Kaylee!
Please continue to pray for a miracle for Noah that only
God in all of His power can do!
Please pray that we trust God more and grow in our walk
with God even deeper!
Thanks so much for praying fervently for us!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, May 20, 2003 2:48 PM CDT
1 Peter 4:19
"So if you are suffering according to God's will, keep on doing what is right, and trust yourself to the God who made you, for he will never fail you."
Thanks for uplifting us in prayer! We need it! Noah's fever is gone today and Kaylee is alittle bit better on medicine now. We went to Home Depot for a quick run to buy a couple of flowers. I thought that we need a brightner to our day! God's word is like a beautiful flower always new and fresh and ready to comfort us! Thank you for your continued prayers! We look forward when God lifts these big burdens from us!
Love in Christ, Heidi and Jason
Monday, May 19, 2003 2:49 PM CDT
God has a plan but we're alittle or actually a lot weary of sickness. I'm taking all three kids to get there ears checked. Noah and Kaylee are both running temps and are complaining of their ears hurting. I told my Dad that we might never all be healthy again. He said that God will know when we've all had enough. That gave me hope that this won't last forever. It seems like we've been sick ever since we've moved to Minnesote. God put us here so we have to trust Him through all of these trials. We're actually having a nice day. It would be nice if we could stay healthy for any length of time. Well thanks for praying that God will not give us more than we can take. I feel like I'm getting close to having to much.
Love, Heidi
Sunday, May 18, 2003 3:57 PM CDT
Noah and all of us went to church today. We got home took a nap and Noah now has a 101 fever out of the blue. Thanks for your prayer!!
Heidi and Jason
Friday, May 16, 2003 9:35 PM CDT
Psalms 93: 3-4
The mighty oceans have roared, O Lord.
The mighty oceans roar like thunder,
the mighty oceans roar as they pound the shore.
But mightier than the violent raging of the seas,
mightier than the breakers on the shore-
the Lord above is mightier than these!
May these verses give you hope in your life as well as for us that God is mightier than anything in this world.
Noah had good energy today although we didn't make it to the zoo. The more I thought about it and talked to Jason, the more we thought it would be wiser to stay home. All day walking around in the heat probably wouldn't be best for Noah. He really wanted to go but understood why we stayed home. We did ride bikes to the park nearby and play outside for awile. He is feeling amazingly well for the high dose of chemo that he had a couple of days ago. Please pray his hemoglobin goes up. It was only 9.2. It is 7-10 days after the chemo is given that it has it's full affect. Once again God is mightier than any chemo drug and so we look to him to protect Noah.
Thanks for your prayers to the one and only God --Jesus Christ!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, May 14, 2003 8:34 PM CDT
Hebrews 13:15
"With Jesus help, let us continually offer our sacrafice to God by proclaiming the glory of His name."
Noah made it to school again which is a miracle after his strong chemo yesterday. He even went to school from 12-2:40 yesterday right after his appointment. Usually he's out for a few days with stomach aches and head pain. I told the nurse and doctor yesterday that it seems like the harder the chemo the better he does! Only God! Thanks so much for praying. He had good energy but not normal yet. He went four wheeling last night for a couple of hours out in the boonies. I drove around with Grace, found a town with a gas station, and got lost for a good 45 minutes trying to find them again. Oh what memories!!!
Noah has a field trip to Komo Zoo on Friday. Please pray for extra strength for Noah especially and then for me as I drive down separately with Kaylee and Grace just in case Noah gets tired. It's an all day thing. God can help us through anything and Noah REALLY wants to go. Jason's working that day getting ready for a Pizza Bake and has a lot to do with that. I'm alittle scared going by myself but God will help me through this. I'm not big on driving in the cities and then I'm known to get lost in Minnesota. I usually end up in Woodberry. At least that's close to my Dad and Mom Schafbuch. It's a big family joke!!!
Well thanks for all of your prayers! With God nothing is impossible from driving for the field trip to Noah's complete healing and all of his hair grown back!!! Praise God because He is God!
Love, Heidi
Monday, May 12, 2003 10:09 PM CDT
Noah had his school program this evening and boy did he do a super job. It was so neat to see all the songs and skits the children learned. He had lots of energy and a big smile through out the entire program. If it was not for his bald head you would not know he had Leaukemia. he such great energy right now and enthusiasm for life. Tomorrow he has another round of chemo here in St Cloud. We will have to pull him out of school for a couple of hours. Please pray for minimal side effects.
Our girls each had four shots today to get them caught up with their boosters. They both have their very own way of dealing withthe pain. Our little princess(Kayl) can barely walk, she has not figured out how to have a two way limp. And Grace is just plain grumpy if you look at her. Kind of mad at the world approach. Hopefully by tomorrow they will both be back to their sweet selves. We contnue to be amazed at the grace God continues to extend. Thanks for praying and caring.
We contnue to be in His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, May 10, 2003 9:47 PM CDT
Noah continues to do well. His energy is strong and very talkative. You can tell he still is not the same Noah but it sure ias nice to see the energy he does have. On Monday his class has a presentation in the evening. It amazes me the songs he has memorized even missing so much school. Noah and we are blessed that he is at such a great school. He has chemo on Monday, Vincristine and Methyltrexate. Please pray that there is minimal side effects this round. Kaylee is struggling through all of this. Thanks for caring and praying.
Love
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, May 8, 2003 8:25 PM CDT
Isaiah 40:30-31
Even youth will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find NEW strenth. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint."
Noah had a terrific Birthday!!! He went to school and they had a party for him there. He loved that. Then Jason met us there after getting him a four wheeler for taking all of his medicine. His face lit up when he saw the four wheeler in the back of Jason's truck! He said Wow this is my best Birthday ever. We came home and opened gifts and then he had cheesecake--his favorite dessert. Then we went to the church field for most of the evening so he could try out his new four wheeler. We all road it. Wow, is it fun!!!
Thank you so much for all of the people who prayed and fasted for Noah!!! It gave me encouragement all day long knowing that people were doing this for Noah!!!
God still does miracles and I look forward to the day that this happens!!! Every day I look to see if he has a full head of hair. (it's the sign I've asked for to know that he's healed) It might sound funny but there's no way for the doctors to know if he's healed, so I've asked God to let his hair grow back overnight as a sign)
Well thanks for your continued and steadfast prayers for Noah! God is so good to us!!!
Because of Christ, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 8:48 PM CDT
Check out the cute new pictures. Grace and Paul are only 4 weeks apart!
Well Noah had a GREAT day!!! He made it to school with lots of energy and when he got home he was still full of energy. He asked to go to youth group. I couldn't believe my ears. We all went! It was so nice to see him running around with Kaylee and Rebecca!!! He didn't even get tired. Thank you for praying and if some of you are fasting. He has had a total change of energy. Thank you Lord!!!! Thank you for your continued prayers!! We're excited about his birthday tomorrow! I hope that he has a great day! He already has his cup cakes at school. I hope he's just as energeic when he wakes up. God still does miracles!!!! I still continue to pray for total healing!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, May 7, 2003 1:07 PM CDT
Sorry can not write much. Noah is back in school today. That is a huge blessing. He ahs bee so tired and runned down that he just lied on the sofa staring at the wall. Noah's birth day is tomorrow, he will be 7 years old. I wish we could celebrate his birthday under different circumstances but that right now is not an option. Please continue to pray for our family for energy and wisdom. Thank you for your continued support and prayer.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, May 5, 2003 8:57 AM CDT
Psalms 57:7
"My heart is confident in you, O God; no wonder I can sing your praises!"
Well that verse sums up any joy that we have. Some days I feel like we can't make it another step and than God brings us along side Him and tells us that He's in Control!!!
Noah and I once again did not make church. I really miss not going. I asked God if soon we could all go to church regurarly again. That would be a miracle too. Well Noah's not feeling well. His head and stomach are aching and he sits all day with no energy. He's been going to bed on his own about 6pm. Than he wakes up about 7 or 8am. Movies have become his outlet. I don't like the tv on so much but I think it's an escape for him to put his mind on other things.
It's rainy here today but God even brings good out of dreary weather. The grass is greening up around here and it's looking like summer is around the corner!
We found out that in about 30 days Noah will have 2 long months of his hardest chemo yet. I dread that considering how he is already. I pray that the chemo will be like vitamins to his little body. Our summer will be a long, heard one unless God does a miracle. He will have no counts this summer which means in the house and no playing with friends or enjoying the warm weather. Jason will be gone in the middle of July for a mission trip. I'm nervous about this because Noah will be right in the middle of his worst chemo. God is God and that is my only source of hope. A couple of days ago I spent most of the day crying and doubting God's promises. I couldn't believe that our summer coming up could be worse than what we've already endured. I just felt like God where are you when a little child is suffering? Jason listened to me complain and helped me through. Jason's Dad helped to by just being there when I needed to cry.
God has promised to never leave us or forsake us and so I cling to that today!!!!
Thanks for your continued prayers!
Love, Heidi
Saturday, May 3, 2003 1:42 AM CDT
Well Noah went through two days of chemo and is currently whimpering in his sleep. I do not know if it is from his PEG chemo which is three shots in his leg at one time or from being on Prednisolone. On thursday we were able to stay inSt Cloud for chemo and he received his methyltrexate and vincristine and Friday we went to Children's in MNPLS for his PEG. Noah actually did pretty well considering what was being done to him. We are currently on the toughest protocol for ALL leukemia. Noah will receive a bone marrow test in about a month which will tell us if everything is going as expected. Please pray the test comes back negative. Leukemia is cancer of the blood and our blood cells are made in our bone marrow. By doing this test they will see if there is any cancer cells in his bone marrow. He should not have any more than 5%. It is Noah's birthday this Thursday and he will turn 7. It seems like this cancer has aged him several years. His blood counts continue to be good. Please also pray for other cancer families we have gotten to know fromthis terrible disease. Drew has just finished treatment, Max has had a very difficult road and has had a relapse, and pray for Kyle as he is intreatment, and Jonathan who is in maintainence period of his chemo. When we first found out about Noah's leaukemia, the phrase "you don't beat cancer you survive it" kept coming around. I never understood that until recently. You never conquer this dreaded disease but you are able to survive it. Our many thanks to all those who support us faithfully with prayer. God is always present even in our darkest hours. Also our many thanks to the Doctors and Nurses who compassionately work at bringing Noah healing. You are a God send. Well tomorrow Noah's uncle and aunt are coming up with Paul. We hope it will be a great day for Noah.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, April 30, 2003 8:57 PM CDT
Noah went on the field trip on Tusday to the farm to see sheep and goats. He was alittle weak and tired and wanted to come home and take a nap. He slept for about three hours. Today he was to tired to go to school also. He took another three hour nap which is very unusual for him. Jason called the nurse and she said that the metheltrexate cause extreme tiredness.
Tomorrow at 11am he goes for more chemo. I've been praying a lot that God would provide a way out of the chemo tomorrow and Friday. He just seems to worn out to have more chemo. We are seeking God every day and long for a miracle. I told Noah that I hate everything that he has to go through and he said, "I know Mommy." I told him that God saved Daniel and He can save him from all of this chemo too. God can do anything. We have hope because God is God!!!!
Noah was pretty talkative today! I love to sit and talk to him and enjoy every minute with him. If I clean to much he'll say Mommy come and sit down with me.
Please pray for God to do what He needs to do to make us more like Him but I'm praying that God will free Noah from all of this terrible medicine as well. Only God knows what His plan is.
Have a great evening! It's beautiful outside!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, April 28, 2003 7:50 PM CDT
My good friend sent me this wonderful story and it greatly encouraged me and I hope it will encourage you tonight!!!
Malachi 3:3 says, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of siver."
The verse puzzled some women in a Bible study and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at the next Bible study. That week, the women called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything for the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver.
As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities.
The women thought about God holding us in such a hot spot. Then she thought again about the verse that she, "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered yes, he not only has to sit there but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. If the silver was left a moment to long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The women was silent for a moment.
Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?" He smiled at her and answered, "Oh that's easy, when I see my image in it."
If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep watching you until He sees His image in you!"
God loves you and me so much!!! It's great to know that God will never leave us but wants to make us more like Him!!! What a wonderful God we have!!!! It hurts to be refined but oh to be more like Jesus.
Noah made church and school today!!! Praise the Lord!
Because of Jesus love, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, April 26, 2003 10:26 AM CDT
There are so many of you dear people praying for us over these last few rough days!!! We know that God will get us through because God is everything we need and all of the people praying for us!!!
Noah is still weak. He seems alittle feverish still in the evening especially. He has moments where he plays alittle or wants to get out and do something fun and then he crashes for hours. It's so hard to watch but I continue to pray even harder.
I know God could heal him in a second and continue to look for a miracle if it's God's will.
Well Noah and Kaylee's room and almost painted downstairs. Kaylee is mauve with a cute bear, doll border. It's a tea party theme.
Noah's room is really special to me because he picked a beautiful eagle border with two shades of blue. I love the eagles because the verse that I claim for Noah is in Isaiah 40:31 It says, "But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint." That is what I pray for Noah!!!! I love to pray scripture. He didn't even know that was his verse when Jason and Noah picked the border. I want to write the verse on the wall too. Wow, another special touch from God!
Thanks for your continued prayers! We count on them
Love in Christ, Heidi
Thursday, April 24, 2003 8:12 PM CDT
Noah has a temp again at 100.4 Actually we don't think it has ever reallly broke. Please pray. We don't know what's causing it and the doctors don't know either.
Noah has been on the couch a lot although at times I thought he was getting better and then he has no energy even to eat.
We got his favorite chinese and he sat there struggling to find the energy to even eat.
We need a miracle that only God can do!!!!
Only Jesus, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 23, 2003 9:59 PM CDT
Noah is struggling with strength and energy spending most of his day sprawled on the sofa with little communication and enjoyment. Please pray for Noah and Heidi as they both need encouragement. We appreciate your continued prayers and support.
With God's Grace
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 7:46 PM CDT
Thank you for lifting us up in prayer today!! Noah improved shortly after I wrote that he was miserable and for me too. Thank you for praying! Noah actually wanted to go to the dentist. He really needed his teeth cleaned since the chemo was leaving a lot of plack on his teeth. They are white again! I heard Nancy Lee Demoss on the radio and she said whatever you're going through don't worry but trust God for we serve a big God who is so much bigger than anything we could be facing today. Just her voice of hope brought tears of joy to my eyes. God always gives me just what I need at the right time!!! Other things happened throughout my day to encourage me to. God provides!!! Noah is better tonight but tired. We all went to Home Depot and Menards to. Prayer really helps us all get through our tough days!!! Thanks so much!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, April 22, 2003 9:14 AM CDT
Noah's miserable today! His head is killing and his stomach hurts and he has his fever back. Please pray that he will have many good days of feeling good ahead! Pray for strength for me today at home with Noah. I want to keep the house quiet and yet Kaylee wants to play and have fun and then Grace needs attention too. I am very tired and discouraged today. Please pray for hope in the midst of pain.
Thanks so much! Heidi
Monday, April 21, 2003 9:33 PM CDT
What a week it has been. We are home after being at Children's this morning for a round of two chemos. Noah fever seems to be under control and is doing well. Thank you for your continued prayers and love.
Our local paper did an article on Noah for Easter. It was refreshing to here about faith and love for Christ in the media.
We spent two days in er this last week with Noah's fever but we were unable to find the infection. Our one desire for this last week was to all be able to attend church together. It has been several weeks since we have been able to do this. But it unfortunately did not happen. Noah still had a fever and was not filling the best. But we were still able to enjoy Easter as a family. We were not in the hospital and separated from each other. Which reminds me, please pray for Max and his family as they struggle some recent set backs, he relapsed into Leukemia after being done. It is hard for the family but they are trusting God and relying upon His peace. It shocks me to see how many believers suffer through this horrible cancer. My parents were able to make it up for Church and have Easter dinner at our house.
One thought that really sticks with me during this season is this. I think about the suffering my son goes through both physically and emotionally and it tears us apart as parents. The ones who God has placed in his life to protect and guide him. And we try everything we can to ease the situation and be there at all times to comfort him through this. Why do we do this, because of outside of our relationship with Christ our family means the world to us because of love. I would never turn my back on my son because I love him too much. And here is the point the God of the universe Loved this boy and me and each human being so much that He was willing to turn away from His son's anguish and pain so that I might have life with Him. I can not fathom that Love but I can respond to it. it is our choice with what we do with that Love. What a great God we serve. Our God is bigger than this Leukemia thing, He is bigge than this war in Iraq, He is big enough to care about you and me. He cares for our Noah.
May His Cross be your purpose for Life
Jason and Heidi.
Sunday, April 20, 2003 2:40 PM CDT
THE LORD IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!! Well we're very thankful that Noah could come home again last night even though it was midnight. The ER wasn't to great in helping Noah but today his fever seems alittle better. He probably needs a blood transfussion. His hemo. is only 8.5. Now we know why he looks so pale. Please continue to pray. God is in control of the situation and we look to Him for our strength, energy, and perfect peace. We have our picture in the paper here today and an article on Our Faith in God during this time of Noah's cancer. It's encouraging to think of the people reading it and hopefully it will make people think about if they have faith in Jesus Christ. Please pray that God will use this for His Glory!!!!
Have a Happy Easter!!! God remains the same!
Heidi, Jason, Noah, Kaylee, and Grace Anna
Saturday, April 19, 2003 8:53 PM CDT
This is my second journal entry today but Noah's off to the ER again. He had a fever of 103.4 and their afraid of infection. It's time for Noah to be sleeping but somehow this cancer thing doesn't allow for that. Please pray for a time of refreshment and a time of calmness and health for Noah and our family. We are worn out and feel so bad for Noah.
Please God a miracle for Easter! Heidi and Jason
Saturday, April 19, 2003 7:42 PM CDT
THE LORD IS RISEN, HE IS RISEN INDEED!!!!! What a wonderful time to remember that Jesus Christ came to die for our sins and then to rise again on the third day!!! Because He Lives we can Face Tomorrow. I love that hymn.
Please pray for Noah. His fever spiked again to 102.9 tonight. He looks pale but still is talking alittle. I don't know what's going on with all of this. We're hoping to all go to church together and that Noah will be great by tonight or tomorrow morning. God made it possible for us to go to the wedding and have a great time. Noah was swimming and playing hard so we know that nothing is to hard for God. Please pray that Noah can also make school on Tuesday. He loves school and it does him so much good to be with godly teachers and loving friends!!!
Thanks for your prayers! We count on them!!! Jesus is still in control and will keep His promises to us!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Friday, April 18, 2003 8:04 PM CDT
Please pray for Noah. His fever jumped up tonight while Jason and Kaylee are at our good friday service. His fever jumped up to 102.8. He had a warm bath and some motrin. I am unable to reach Jason at this time. Please pray for God's peace for us and his healing hand upon Noah.
My Mom's (Lanie) brother Norm also needs prayer tonight. He has parkisins desease. He's not doing to well and needs prayer for hope and healing. He's a very special and loving uncle. He prayers more for Noah I think than himself. We saw him at the wedding and the first thing he said was I want my picture taken with Noah. That was a tear jerker.
Thank you for all of your prayers! Remember that Jesus died for all of our sins many years ago and bore all of the great pain for us so that if we give our lives we can have spiritual healing which is the most important!!! He loves us and gives us hope in whatever you might be facing. Jesus is the only way to Heaven. Don't forget about what Easter is all about. We're praying that Noah's fevers are gone so we can all go to church on Sunday together and then he starts chemo on Monday.
Trust in Jesus today! Heidi and Jason
Thursday, April 17, 2003 9:17 PM CDT
Noah and Jason have been in the ER for the last three hours. Kaylee went to the kids program at the church to have some fun. Noah's chest x-ray came back good. That was an answer to prayer. His temp is still 100.8 Please continue to pray that his fever will break. The doctor's want to watch what happens after he has had an antibiatic with his fever. His white blood counts are very high and his immune system is very high. (7,000 for his white blood count and 6,000 for his immune system) That seems to high to Jason and me but we'll find out later what that means. Usually if it's 1,000 that's extremely good. We're not sure with four chemos how he could have numbers like that. We're hoping those numbers are good and not bad.
Noah met a nice friend in the ER named Jonathan Lidnsey. He was pretty excited about this. He also has ALL. Well good things happen in the midst of the pain. God is so good to give us "roses" in the valley. My Mom told me that the most beautiful flowers grow in the valley.
Thanks for your continued prayers and love to all of us!!!
Because He lives we can face tomorrow!!! Heidi and Jason
Thursday, April 17, 2003 10:08 AM CDT
Last night Noah seemed great and the next thing I know is that he's shivering and got a fever again. It's 99 now. Last night it went up to 100.4. Please pray that we can all go to church for Easter. We have missed five weeks in a row. I guess that last chemo is really dropping his counts. I thought it wasn't suppose to do that until the end of May. Noah birthday is May 8 and I'm hoping he's feeling great that weekend so we can do something special!!! This is a long, wearing process. God is God. I look forward to finally being in Heaven someday with no more pain or sickness. Thanks for all of your continued prayers.
Please pray for Max! He was almost done with all of his chemo and he has cancer back. He is preparing for a bone marrow transplant. He needs a touch from God. Their family was looking so forward to a wonderful summer and now they'll be in the hospital all of it I think. I wish God would heal all of the little hurting kids!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 16, 2003 10:35 PM CDT
Right now, Noah is asleep but is beginning to spike a temp. It is currently hovering at 100 degrees. Please pray that it will break and we do not have to go into the er this evening. Thank you for your prayers.
In His hands
Jason
Wednesday, April 16, 2003 5:05 PM CDT
Praise the Lord!!! Noah made it to another day of school! He wasn't feeling or looking good after school yesterday. This morning when he woke up I asked him how he felt and he said his stomach and head hurt. He said he didn't feel good to go to school and then at 7:50 he said let's go. I was doing the dishes and trying to wake up. We all got ready in ten minutes and were on our way to school. It does Noah so much good to be with friends and learn. He's reading books now. It's so neat to hear him read!!! Well two days ago it was 95 here and today it is 32 and icy on all the roads. I guess that's Minnesota. Well I'm sure it won't stay like this to long.
We continue to trust God's promises for the long road ahead. He knows each day and can do anything! When I feel fearful God comforts me with his unfailing Word!!! A good verse is, "cast your cares on Him, for He cares for you!" Thank you for your prayers for us and Noah! We just take one day at a time. Pray for joy, wisdom, and hope.
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, April 15, 2003 6:23 PM CDT
Sorry it has been so long since our last entry. We try to enter everyday if not at least every other day. Since last entry Noah has been doing well. He is quite low on energy right at the moment but still talks quite easily. We did have the opportunity to go to Chicago last weekend for a quick visit with cousins and a wedding. Noah had a great time playing with all of his 2nd and 3rd cousins.
Noah's next appointment is Monday for more chemo. One of the chemo they keep increasing the amount to make it toxic to the body. Doesn't that sound healthy.
Until next update, thanks for your prayers and love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, April 10, 2003 1:00 PM CDT
Well today Noah came and jumped into bed with me and gave me a big hug. I thought he was feeling better but then we headed for school and sat in the parking lot for quite a while. He said he felt terrible I cancelled my get together with a friend and headed home.
It's about 1pm and I just had a nap with Grace Ana while the kids watched a movie. Noah said that his stomach is not hurting any more and his head feels quite a bit better. He's taking a bath. He really wants to go see Grandpa and Grandma in Grafton. We'll see how he is by tonight. I prayed last night that God would provide a ram in place of Noah like Isaac in the Bible. I really felt at peace last night after our terrible day that God heard my cry for Noah. I keep asking God for the impossible.
Only Because of our hope in Jesus Christ, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, April 10, 2003 1:00 PM CDT
Well today Noah came and jumped into bed with me and gave me a big hug. I thought he was feeling better but then we headed for school and sat in the parking lot for quite a while. He said he felt terrible I cancelled my get together with a friend and headed home.
It's about 1pm and I just had a nap with Grace Ana while the kids watched a movie. Noah said that his stomach is not hurting any more and his head feels quite a bit better. He's taking a bath. He really wants to go see Grandpa and Grandma in Grafton. We'll see how he is by tonight. I prayed last night that God would provide a ram in place of Noah like Isaac in the Bible. I really felt at peace last night after our terrible day that God heard my cry for Noah. I keep asking God for the impossible.
Only Because of our hope in Jesus Christ, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 9, 2003 7:57 PM CDT
Well Noah's in bed and not feeling well at all. He had four chemo's yesterday and steroids for two days. He is so worn out that when he sleeps his eyes don't close all the way which doesn't look good. This is a rough thing to watch. I don't think there could be a harder trial to go through then to watch someone you love suffer like this. He asked today why God is not healing him. I told him that God right now wants us to go through this trial but God could heal him at any time. It broke my heart. Well today has been another rough day although it's beautiful outside. It sounds like our summer's going to be really rough. Well I'm praying for faith because I feel like were running on low. We do have fun moments during the day but I just keep wondering if the chemo kills just like the cancer. I wish God would provide a natural route. He was feeling on the upward swing but the chemo's seemed to knock him down harder than before. It seems terrible that right when they start feeling good--more chemo. Noah's loosing more eyelashes and eyebrows. The little that he has left. Please continue to pray for a miracle--sometimes we feel like God is giving us more than we can take. We have to fix our eyes on God and trust Him for His plans.
Heidi and Jason
Monday, April 7, 2003 10:17 PM CDT
It has been one of those days. Noah went in for blood counts and they are up. Yea. So tomorrow we go to children's were he will get four chemo treatments. After talking with the Dr we found out he still has a long tough road ahead of him with lots of hospital stays and low blood counts. Heidi and Grace Anna had a baby shower this evening and during the shower Heidi had a n allergic reaction to something that caused her throat to begin to close. Heidi shared with me a great quote from Jill Briscoe. "Keep God in front of your problems not behind." What a great phrase to remind us our focus of life. No matter what happens on a daily basis God is and always will be. We continue to rely upon Him for our source of strength and peace. Please continue to pray for Noah's healing and emotional endurance through all the treatments.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, April 4, 2003 12:42 AM CST
Noah continues to do well. His counts should be doing well. His chemo for this week got postponed due to his counts being to low. His ANC (which is his immune system) was at 450 it needs tgo be at 1000 before we advance in his treatment. He got a little tired yesterday at school but still maintains good energy. Please continue to pray for his health through all of these treatments.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, April 2, 2003 7:15 PM CST
Well Noah had another great day at school! He really enjoyed chapel and the chop stick party. We found out today that his counts are to low to go to Children's tomorrow for his next round of four chemos. His appointment is moved to next Tuesday if his immune is 1000 or above. We were looking forward to alittle vacation to Wheaton, Ill. but we're scared to travel that far to the wedding if Noah just gets a dose of four chemos. Please pray for wisdom for us to make a wise decision. We don't know how his body will respond.
Only because of God, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, April 2, 2003 11:05 AM CST
Thanks for praying for us last night!! It was a hard couple of hours for Jason, Noah, and me. Noah amazingly is in school again. His temp went back up to 97 by the time that he reached the ER. That's what I was praying for. His hemogloben was pretty good to at 9.4. His immune has gone up alittle to 400. It needs to be around 1000 to be really good. He didn't want to miss the chopstick party today at school. He also wanted to be the first person in his class. His teacher, Mrs, Dopkins told us that she can't believe his determination in school. That was encouraging to hear. Well his spirits seemed great today for not getting much sleep last night. Jason and Noah got home at midnight and Noah came in quick and said hi to me and went off to sleep quickly. He's a honey! Well he brings such laughter and joy to all of us and he's the one who's suffering! It was kind of funny today because a couple of days ago he received a check in the mail and we went to Kohls to pick out a new outfit. He said that it's his favorite outfit and he wore it again to school today. I tried talking him into changing clothes but he was so excited to wear it again so I gave in. I guess when you go through all of the chemo and stuff wearing the same outfit two days in a row doesn't seem like any big deal.
Well we are so thankful for all of the people praying for Noah!!! That's were our hope lies. God can do anything and we can trust Him for the impossible!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, April 1, 2003 9:41 PM CST
I sit here in agony trying to figure out what to do. My son is fast asleep. I took his tempand it is 95 degrees and looks very white. So here we are again off to ER for more blood work. I have to wake the poor guy up, how much can a 6 year old handle. Please pray for him this evening that God touches his body and removes any virus or infection. Sometimes it just is not very fun.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, March 31, 2003 7:47 PM CST
Noah was released from Children's yesterday afternoon. His blood counts are beginning to rebound. In fact he even went to school today. Thursday we go back to Children's for outpatient. He receives a spinal chemo, three shots of another chemo, and two chemo't through IV. IT looks like a difficult day. Thank you for your prayers and support. My dad also was released from the hospital today. He has infection in his lungs and leg.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, March 28, 2003 11:20 AM CST
(check out the addition at the bottom and there are new photos)
You never quite know what life will deal you each and every single day. One moment al is going well and the next chaos breaks out. And it just does not happen in our own individual lives but as groups of people and as nations. As we speak there are men and women who are putting their lives at risk to protect my children and their future. I have doctors who continue to expand their knowledge so they can protect my son from this deadly disease. If we stop for just a moment and think of allthe people God places in our lives to protect us. It is just not a mere coincidence that our God cares about us and the right people are where they are needed. God orchestrates everything around us. We just need to keep our eyes open and look for His hand upon us.
I will be the first to say that sometimes it gets pretty dark with exhaustion, frustration and grief but our God does not change, He just wants us to seek His arms to lead us through. Can I tell you why things happen in our lives. I can't. Can I tell you why we have maniacs in power like Saddam, I can't. I can tell you that God created Saddam with as much love as He created you and me. But just like you and me we ahve a choice on how we will live this life that God has given us. And it is upon that choice that we want to live our lives honoring our God.
I get frustrated with our protesters who believe it is their constitutional right to protest our children who are protecting my children. they shout they want peace, peace will only come through a relationship with Jesus Christ. There will be no peace from our goverments across this world, because we are a sinful people and our pride and arrogance gets in the way but that sin has been paid for by our savior Jesus Christ. In Him only will there be peace, until His return there will always be people who will want to harm you and me. So in all we do we must chose how we live the life that is before us. We can either chose to love God and honor Him or not.
Why I write all this, everyday life gets a little clearer for us. Things happen in all our lives to bring confusion and frustration,it is how do we handle those situations and what do we learn.
Life is not trying to make it to tomorrow or the next but acquiring today and all it is worth because clearly it is a gift.
Thank you for your continued support and prayers
In His hands
Jason and Heidi
Well I wrote this entry yesterday and gave you the great news about dad, well last night he was rushed to the ER at Methodist because he was throwing up and turning blue. We found out that he has pneumonia and a bacterial infection in his lungs. He was hospitalized, so Noah and my dad again are in the hospital at the same time. Crazy days, but our God continues to reign.
Thursday, March 27, 2003 7:37 PM CST
You never quite know what your day will look like in everyday life, but when your child has cancer you can go from one extreme to the next. Noah was just admitted to Children's and we are back on the eigth floor. Noah had a temp of 102.3 in the er at St. Cloud and his blood counts still are very dangerously low. So they will have to monitor him for a while we are hoping very short term. Please pray for Noah's peace of mind and endurance through this trial. good news my dad is doing very well on his road to recovery. We know this entire situation is in God's hand and we rely upon that peace.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, March 27, 2003 3:38 PM CST
Noah's fever spiked in the ER to 102.3. Now it's back down to 101.5. His hemoglobin is 9.4 and his white blood count is 500 and is anc is basically still zero. His plattletts are up to 120,000 I think Jason said. They might admit him to the hospital tonight. Please pray for healing for Noah. Thanks!
Heidi and Jason
Thursday, March 27, 2003 12:46 AM CST
PLEASE PRAY NOAH JUST SPIKED A FEVER OUT OF THE BLUE OF 101. PLEASE PRAY FOR THE FEVER TO BREAK AND THAT WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO HEAD DOWN TO CHILDRENS AGAIN!!!!
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 10:33 PM CST
I read something good tonight and I thought that I would share it with you.
"God gives more grace, more help, more joy, more hope, and more strength to all of us in our weakness than he ever does when we are strong. We just need to bank on it."
Dawn in my darkness
deep in my heart
tell all the shadows
to shiftly depart.
Send out your love light,
dispelling despair;
dawn in my darkness,
tell me you're there!
Dawn in the darkness
of dreary days,
color my life
with perpetual praise.
Paint with your paintbrush
a heavenly view;
dawn in my darkness
tell me it's you!
Dawn in my darkness,
bring me new hope,
wake up my spirit,
help me to cope.
Use me to tell others
just who you are:
"My Dayspring, my Sunrise,
my bright Morning Star!"
Amen.
written by Jill Briscoe
Wednesday, March 26, 2003 5:17 PM CST
Today Noah and Kaylee rode their bikes to the park. He seems alittle weak but feeling better. He's taking a nap right now. He still looks alittle pale even after the blood transfussion. We go here in St Cloud for blood counts on Friday. This week there's no chemo but next week he gets hit hard. On Thursday he has peg again which is three shots. He just had that about a week ago or so and than after that we ended up in the ER. He had a reaction to it so I'm scared about this next Thursday. Than on Friday we have to go back for a spinal tap, vincristine, and methaltrexate. WOW, I'm not looking forward to four chemos in two days. Seems like to much for a little guy. I asked if they could do the 3 shots while he was sleeping and they said no. Well pray for wisdom that the doctors do the right thing and so Noah doesn't have to go through extra just because it's their way of doing it. Noah has not returned to school since we do not know until Friday what his counts are.
God is faithful and we look to Him for joy and help in every need. Thanks for your continued prayers!
Because He lives we can face tomorrow! Heidi and Jason
Saturday, March 22, 2003 9:27 PM CST
Psalms 92:1-2
"It its good to give thanks to the Lord, to sing praises to the Most High. It is good to proclaim your unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening."
It is always good to pray and ask God for grace to get through whatever lies in our paths. My Dad prayed on the phone with me and then I just felt at peace. What a rich heritage to have parents who love the Lord and brought me up to trust Jesus Christ as my God!!! What would I do without God...we could never make it through these trials.
Well Noah had rosephrine at the ER. It's an antibiotic. His plattlettes went up and his hemoglobin went down to 6. We have to be at Children's by 9am tomorrow. He gets a blood transfussion. Pray for wisdom for the doctor's as to why his counts keep droping when there suppose to be going up by now.
God is so good! Like Noah told us God will never forsake us! I think of that often!
In God's hands, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, March 22, 2003 7:21 PM CST
Please pray for Noah tonight. Jason and Noah just headed to the ER. He has a temp of 100 and is very weak and white as a ghost. Please pray for wisdom for whatever doctor he gets here in St. Cloud ER. We don't know if he has an infection and that's why his counts are not going back to normal or what is wrong. Thanks for your prayer! Noah was screaming that he doesn't want to go to the doctor's anymore. He's really taking this rough. He needs God's comfort and peace right now.
In Christ, Heidi and Jason
Saturday, March 22, 2003 1:51 PM CST
Well we could use all of your prayers. Noah is very grouchy today to be very honest. We went for a walk this morning and got two houses down and had to come home. This afternoon I took them for a bike ride and I ended up pushing the stroller and Noah's bike about half way home. He looks very pale today and I thought he might pass out on the way home. Jason's at church all day for a mission training meeting and pizza bake. I was sitting on the chair watching the Sound of Music with the kids and I got a wonderful idea that if Noah was healed right now we would ride our bikes to church as quick as possible and go surprise everyone. It's probably sounds funny but when your in the house day after day--in isolation you begin to dream about how our life used to be.
Well God keeps on blessing us with His Word and His love. It's beautiful out today. It feels like it's in the 70's but it's in the 50's. It's sunny and everyone's out walking. Well thanks for your prayers. We need them to survive.
Love, Heidi
Friday, March 21, 2003 4:28 PM CST
We went here in St Cloud to get counts back and some more chemo. His plattlettes were up alittle to 28,000 which is still border line transfussion but they decided not to do one yet. His white blood count dropped back to 200 which is not good news. He has NO immune system yet. Jason and I were discouraged about that. I've missed church for three weeks now. Noah's down today because we can't do anything fun but stay home and wait for the counts to go up. He really wants to go to a snowmobile show on Sunday. Maybe we can watch from the van or something. He doesn't like the mask at all to go in public. It's safer just to stay home anyway. Well we have at least to fall and maybe next winter of hard treatment and than 2 years and maintance which I think is once a month chemos. It's a long hard process. Please pray that
1. Noah recovers quickly from the chemo that took him down
and that his COUNTS go UP so he is safe from infections
and can go back to school, church, and live a "normal"
life for awile.
2. My cousin Cari is getting married in three weeks and
we would really like to be able to go and see all of
Camp family!!!! (my Mom's side of the family)
I already went out and bought new dresses for Grace
Ana, Kaylee, and me. Jason and Noah are going to
go shopping on the next pay check. We're all matching!
Please pray that the doctor's can hold off of the next
chemo until after the wedding and that we are able to
go see family and get away for a quick vacation. We're
all alittle worn out of our life style lately.
3. Please pray for Kaylee. She tells us that she is "worn
out" and she is. She almost seems alittle depressed.
She hates going to the doctor and hospital and her
face turns red whenever she's there. Noah gets many
nice gifts and she doesn't understand why things are
not equal. Please pray for joy and laughter
for her.
Thanks for all of your letters and prayers.
Only because of God, Heidi and Jason
Thursday, March 20, 2003 10:19 AM CST
Thanks for your prayers. Noah's fever stayed low in the night. I slept right by him and felt his head often. It stayed around 99 and alittle below all night. His normal temp is 97.5. This morning it was 97.6 and then it jumped to 100. Right now it's about 99.6. Thanks for your continued prayers. He's playing video games. The doctor said if it goes to 101 than we'll be heading to ER or Childrens. Our life is minute by minute these days. I think of the song by Steve Camp called--He is able. God is able to do anything.
Love in Christ, Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 9:17 PM CST
Please PRAY for Noah tonight!!!! He has a fever of around 99 degrees which isn't a lot but with no immune system well please pray. Jason and I will be taking shifts to take his temp during the night. We might be making a run to ER or CHILDRENS. Please pray that his counts go up quickly and his fever disappears!!! God can do anything and we prayed with Noah a couple of times and continue to pray!! Kaylee and I had just gotten home from Kohls big sale when we found out. We're relying on people praying at times like this. Thanks so much.
God answers! Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 5:59 PM CST
Today we went to get his counts checked again. His immune is still 47 which is basically zero. His white count went up to 300. That's extremely low but rising very slowly. His hemogloben is the same about 8.6. His plattletts went down to 16,000 which means unless they go up by Friday he will have a plattlette transfussion again. The nurse wants to wait because he's already had 2 recently. His blood vessels are breaking alittle around his throat which makes us alittle nervous. Please pray for the doctor's wisdom and for Noah's protection. That number suppose to be about 150,000 approx. Well he's teasing Kaylee a lot today because he's frustrated that he's missing more school. He said now I have to get caught up again. He doesn't want to be behind and yet he doesn't want to learn at home much. Well thanks for your continued prayers. Each day it's something new it seems but we praise God for no fevers!!! It's a miracle because when their immune is zero they're extrememly prone to life threatening infections and fevers. God is so good to us although the way is tough. Every new day is a blessing from Him.
In His Grace, Heidi and Jason
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 6:48 PM CST
Thanks for all of your prayers for Noah's counts. We go tomorrow morning to get them rechecked. He's had a couple of little nose bleeds. Nothing serious though. Pray the counts are up. He's getting alittle bored at home now that Jodi, Grandma, and Grandpa have left. They got me caught up on laundry and made some extra food for us. The kids had so much fun and it really lifted all of our spirits!!! Family is so great!!! A great verse is found in Isaiah 43:1 "Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name; you are mine." It's great to know that we are in God's care and in His love!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, March 17, 2003 1:46 PM CST
We just got back Noah's counts. They are very low. Please pray for Noah's safety. He is getting close to a blood transfussion and we're waiting for a call to see if he needs another 3rd platlette transfussion. It's very low. He has no immune counts and his white blood count is only 200. Please pray for another miracle. With our God nothing is impossible. He is a big God. Right now I feel scared but I know that God is all powerful and so I want to run and hide in His perfect peace that I need right now.
Dear God
You are my God and Noah's God are we need your help. Please help Noah now to feel your love. Please bring up all of his blood counts. Thank you that you are a big God. You made the sun, moon, stars, Noah, and nothing is to hard for you. You are in control in this. Please help his counts to go up quickly. You know that Noah was so excited to go to school, the library, and go swimming with Grandpa, Grandma, and Aunt Jodi. Please heal his sick little body. Thank you that he is feeling good today and is even looking good. We thought for sure his counts were up. This this be a falty test results. Please protect him from any sicknesses. Thank you that we can place Noah into your hands. Thank you for the peace that only comes from you. Thank you God for making us dependent on your promises and on your faithfulness. We love you Lord. Bring many to put their trust in you because of our situation. We pray all this in your holy name.
Thanks for all of your prayers and love to us and Noah!!!
Love, Heidi and Jason
Monday, March 17, 2003 1:26 PM CST
We just got Noah's counts back and they are not good. He is close to another blood transfussion and I'm sure that he's going to have to go back in for another platlette transfussion tonight or tomorrow. Please pray for us. I really thought his counts were better. He has no immune system and very low white blood counts. He could bleed very easy. Please pray for his protection and peace from God for us. It's scary stuff and I feel nervous over still low counts. Last time they went up much quicker. Please pray for no infections, no fevers, and COUNTS TO RAISE EVEN NOW AS YOU READ THIS. With God nothing is impossible so I am now going to commit to trusting God for dear Noah's counts to go up even now.
Thank you Lord that you made Noah and love your children. I pray and ask for his counts to go up even now. You are a big God and can do anything. I
Sunday, March 16, 2003 2:20 PM CST
Thanks for all of your prayers! God answered another prayer. Noah was getting really pale last night and looked like he needed another transfusion. I asked God last night to raise his counts and when I woke up in the night. When Noah woke up he looked a lot better!!!! Thank you Lord for hearing our cry for Noah's health. He goes tomorrow to get his counts checked to see where they're at. His immune system has been zero but I have a feeling that's up to. He'll go to school a half a day if everything looks good. A good verse is found in 1 Peter 2:22,24 For to this you were called, because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you should follow His steps...who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sins, might live for righteousness-by whose stripes you were healed."
Saturday, March 15, 2003 1:33 PM CST
It gets to a point that you do not know what to communicate or to say. The feelings that Heidi and I have at this moment are overwhelming as are hearts are heavy and our bodies are exhausted. yesterday was a very challenging day for us. We left our house at 6:30 for Noah's normal appointment at Children's. We had already been to the cities twice this week. Noah appointment was at 8:30 and he received a chemo through his port and chemo through three shots at once by three different nurses in his legs. We received his blood counts, they are extremely low if not non existence. Praise God he did not have to have a blood transfusion or platelette transfusion again this week. As I was walking out of the hospital I called my mom to tell her we were on our way to her house. She told me she was on her way out to take dad to the er at Methodist. He could not sleep all night as breathing was a struggle. I met her half way from Children's and Heidi and the kids with my mom went back to her house and I took my dad to the ER. He was admitted and had several tests done. He has blood clots in one lung and in his leg. He is feeling pretty miserable. After he got settled in the hospital I went back to my mom's house for an hour or so and Noah became lethargic. We made the phone call to his doctors line and they wanted us to go to ER, so at 9pm we were on our way back to Children's. Kaylee stayed back with my mom, as the rest of us made the voyage. Thankfully Noah does not have an infection but most likely a reaction to all the chemo and steroids. So at 1 in the morning we were able to head back to my mom's.
I sit and try to find reason to days like yesterday. We try and adjust our way of living around Noah's leukemia and all the trials that it brings before us. I have just realized how much I have been suppressing my emotions and thoughts around Noah's situation. I wonder if it is a natural body response to protect itself. You try to figure things out and there is no equal sign in sight. So we live through each hour relying upon our faith in our awesome God for His peace to invade the inner depths of our hearts.
At the moment Noah's doctor believes we are going to continue down the same road of treatment for ALL but will continue to do more research and communicate with several other experts. We pray that his counts will rise here shortly and get back to his regular energy. We thank you for your support and love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, March 11, 2003 6:03 PM CST
Well we are back at Children's, we took Noah to get his blood counts this morning to the dr in Saint Cloud and his numbers were very low. So we headed down here to get a blood transfusion and platelette transfusion again. Noah continues to do well through all of this. I will take them to my parents this evening and go back to Methodist were my dad is still at. His lungs filled with water again and so it will be several days before he is able to go home. Please continue to pray for God's healing hand upon Noah and Vic. Noah has to be back here at Children's on Friday for more chemo. Both Heidi and myself are exhausted and waiting for things to slow down a bit. We cherish your prayers and encouragement through this website. Thank you.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, March 10, 2003 8:09 PM CST
Thank you for all of your prayers!!! Jason's Dad is still in the hospital. They drained his lung. He feels much better and can breath easier.
Noah had his last day of ara-c. He has not had one fever in the last two weeks. It is totally due to prayer!!! God can do anything and we trust Him for the impossible! He is a big God! We are so thankful for this big answer to prayer! Thank you so much for praying for it is powerful. Like Noah said, "God will never forsake us Mommy. He always hears us and He always loves us!"
Have a wonderful evening!
Heidi and Jason
Saturday, March 8, 2003 7:34 PM CST
We have a prayer request for Jason's Dad tonight. We just found out that Vic had to go to emergency because his lungs are filling up with fluid again. Last time this happened a couple of days ago they had to drill through the back and than put a needle in to suck out the fluid. They drained 2 liters of fluid. He actually went in because he was having such bad stomach pains and then they found that his lungs are filling up. They couldn't handle the situation in Hudson so he had to go to the St. Louis Park Hospital. Please pray for his safety and peace and comfort that only God can give.
Thanks for holding them up in prayer!!!
Heidi and Jason.
Saturday, March 8, 2003 3:18 PM CST
Noah is doing well today. He has good energy. Please pray for health for all of our family. Kaylee had a fever of 101 last night but is better today. She's on antibiotics. We've been at the doctor's more than we're home it seems. We're very thankful Noah's had no fevers and continue to thank God we haven't had to stay overnight at the hospital. God is good although our circumstances our not what we would ask for. We have so much to be thankful for still. Every time we're at the doctors we have opportunities to tell people that God is good and answering our prayers. We are thinking about taking a trip to Florida to sea world sometime when Noah's on easier chemo and feeling good. I dream about getting away and just hang out at the beach and relax!!! Our family time is in the hospital now so it's not real fun although we try to make the best of it. They have a great coffee shop with great lattes!!! Every little positive thing counts. Well check out 2 new pictures. The one with Jason and Noah I love. The nurse mentioned that it looks like an angel is standing behind Noah so we call it the angel picture now. I love Noah's smile in it!
Hope you're all doing well! May God Bless you all!
Heidi and Jason
Friday, March 7, 2003 12:11 AM CST
Noah is currently getting a platelette transfusion. His platelettes were at 15000 and normal is 150000. He is doing well with energy but his white blood cel count is low and ANC too. We aer trying to get out of here quickly but we have been waiting for three hours for his transfusion. Thankfully we will be home this evening. Our many thanks for your continued prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, March 5, 2003 5:06 PM CST
God is so good to us and Noah. Today Noah made it to school again. When he woke up his head and stomach were hurting and he was very low energy. About an hour and a half after school started he started gaining energy and made it by 10am. I was so thankful that he could make another day of school. I read an article about how good green tea is for cancer patients so we stopped by our health food store and bought some for Noah. He said he'll take it even if it tastes bad and it does. A good verse is Lamentations 2:19 "Pour out your heart like water before the face of the Lord. Lift your hands toward Him for the life of your young children." It's great to know that we can pour out our hearts to God and He hears us and answers prayer!!! This week has been a blessing of God that Noah's feeling so well and making school. The school has been one of the biggest blessings to us. Someone gave Noah this computer that I'm writing on. They had just purchased it a month earlier and heard that we didn't have a computer and gave it to us. Wow, what a surprise!!! Noah loves playing computer games. God has provided every one of our needs!!! Another family at Noah's school paid for part of the tuition and than a fund at the school covered the rest. Also the school did a fund raiser for Noah and raised $1600.00 to give to us. We felt so loved from St. Cloud Christian School. His class also made a Veggie Tale blanket for his bed. He loves it and wants to do his whole room in veggie Tales now!!! I could keep going on everything the school has done for us. Well each day God gives us everything that we need to go on. What a great God He is!!!
Thanks for all of your support and prayers!
Heidi and Jason
Monday, March 3, 2003 3:53 PM CST
Wow! God is answering our prayers!!! Noah made it all day to school and now is outside pulling Kaylee on the sled!!! His color in his face is even looking good. This morning he looked alittle pale but wanted to go to school. Tonight we are going to look at snowmobiles for the fun of it. No fevers at all. Noah finishes up the cemo today and then starts again Friday through Monday. Then he gets a two week break with only one cemo that's easier than most. I'm so thankful for another good day!! Thanks so much for all of your prayers!!! That's what gets us through. A great book I've been "praying" is by Stormie Omartian called The Power of a Praying Parent. It's a great book that Noah's teacher at school gave me to read and mostly to pray. You pray scripture for your child! It's awesome.
In Christ, Heidi and Jason
Sunday, March 2, 2003 9:06 PM CST
Today Noah woke up and threw up. He wasn't feeling to good for the first hour or so. Than he said he wanted to go to church so we quick got ready. He had fun playing with all of his friends and learning about David and Goliath. Well he took about a 4 hour nap after church and woke up full of energy! Thank you Lord. He's on rough cemo for another week so we're praying for energy so he can make school and just feel good. Please pray for no fevers. He had 104.9 fevers last time and that was very scary. God knows our hearts and Noah's His child so it's in God's hands. He's quickly loosing his hair and eyelashes which is very hard to watch as a Mom. I woke up and instead of focusing on all of the negative things tried to think of positives. He's felt good the last two weeks, he very talkative, he made it through all of his fevers with no side affects, and many others. Well one day at a time this week. Thank you so much for all of your prayers for Noah and us. We need it!!! We're emotionally exhausted.
In God's Hands Heidi and Jason
Friday, February 28, 2003 11:55 AM CST
WE are currently on the fourth floor of Children's. Noah is getting two doses of chemo. We have been here since 8:30 am and it is nearing noon. It makes for a long day with all the traveling too. Please pray for Noah as this medicine will take his blood counts low. Pray that he will not develop fevers or land back in the hospital. Noah has energy and has been going to school on a regular basis for the last week or so.
Heidi and I are feeling worn out from everything but the newness of his situation has worn off and we are trying to settle in for the long haul. We still do not have results back form his bone marrow and chromozone test. We hope to have them by early next week.
Again our many thanks for all your prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 11:15 AM CST
Well two days ago when Noah got another fever and we all have colds again I started to feel like my faith was gone. He was feeling so good and then another fever not due to cemo. I was feeling pretty low when my wonderful friend Kimberly from Traverse City called. She encouraged me and prayed with me which always helps me to put my focus back on who God is and that He's still in control. That night before I went to bed I read a chapter in a book by Bailey Marks and he was saying how he found himself in a hospital bed dying from a hardening liver that at the time the doctor's didn't know. He felt like his faith was growing weaker and weaker. He couldn't understand why he felt like God had let him down. God began to show him that faith is a decision that we have to make every day. Am I going to trust God for my circumstances good or bad today? Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for the conviction of things not seen." To not have faith also is an act of my will. So in reality I decided not to trust God for Noah's situation. God showed me that I need to ask the question, "Am I willing to place my confidence in God today for my circumstances?" One thing going through Noah's cancer is that when I'm feeling hopeless that if I force myself to sing praises to God and glorify His name than my day is filled with joy even in the pain. I now understand why Paul sang praises to God in a prison cell. It put his focus not on himself but on God's promises to him. Here's word to a song that might encourage you today. If you are on a mountain top or in the valley let these words speak to your heart.
Do I Trust you by Twilia Paris
Sometimes my little heart can't understand what's in your will--what's in your plan. So many times I'm tempted to ask you why. Lord what you do could not be wrong. I believe you even when I must cry.
Do I trust you Lord? Does the river flow? Do I trust you Lord? Does the north wind blow? You can see my heart. You can read my mind and you've got to know I would rather die. Than to loose my faith in the one I love. Do I trust you Lord?
I know the answers I've given them all I feel so small. Shaken down to the cavity in my soul. I know the doctrine and theology, but right now they don't mean much to me. This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust you Lord? Does the robin sing? Do I trust you Lord? Does is rain in Spring? You can see my heart. You can read my mind. And you've got to know I would rather die. Than to loose my faith in the one I love. Do I trust you Lord? Do I trust you Lord?
I WILL TRUST YOU LORD WHEN I DON'T KNOW WHY. I WILL TRUST YOU LORD UNTIL THE DAY I DIE. I WILL TRUST YOU LORD WHEN I'M BLIND WITH PAIN. YOU WERE GOD BEFORE AND YOU NEVER CHANGE. I WILL TRUST YOU. I WILL TRUST YOU. I WILL TRUST YOU LORD.
If you have never given your whole life to Jesus Christ I encourage you to today. Jesus loved you enough to go to the cross and endure not just physical pain but all the sins of the world upon Him. He loves you so much and wants to give you eternal life!!! He has promised to never leave you or forsake you. There is hope for you in Jesus in whatever you may be going through. He wants you to confess your sins to Him and ask for forgiveness. You can tell God that you want to give Him your life and ask Him to forgive you and come to live in you. He's longing for you to be His child. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world (that's you) that He gave His one and only son,(Jesus) that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life."
Thanks for your continued prayers!
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 11:08 AM CST
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Wednesday, February 26, 2003 10:53 AM CST
Wednesday, February 26, 2003 10:53 AM CST
Tuesday, February 25, 2003 2:18 PM CST
Well Noah had his bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap along with a vocal cord check. we are about ready to leave Children's. He did not have his chemo today because his immune blood count is too low for chemo. So we have to come back on Friday for that as long as his counts are high enough. Check out the photo page as there are new photos. Thank you for your continued prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, February 24, 2003 6:34 PM CST
Well we started the day normal but receieved a phone call at noon from Noah's school tht he had spiked a fever. Well that sent us to the ER here in St Cloud for blood counts and other tests. His blood counts are still good so they sent us home until tomorrow when we head to Children's for chemo and spinal tap and bone marrow biopsy. Please pray for tomorrow and the test results. Thank you for your prayers
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, February 22, 2003 7:04 PM CST
Noah continues to feel good. He helped work on our basement today. He gets a little tired easier but has lots of energy and enthusiasm for life. He went to Kid's Zone and school most of the week. It is very nice to see this energy level in him. Please pray for
- Noah blood counts this next week, that they will not drop so severly from his chemo on Tuesday.
- That he will not develop a high fever from all the chemo, which would send us up to the 8th floor of Children's.
- That he would be cancer free
- Praise for Noah's completion of his radiation
- Praise for his energy level
- Please continue to pray for my dad, he was just released from the hospital today. Doing well but a long road to recovery.
- Please also remember three other boys who have cancer and we know from the eigth floor of children's. Max, Kyle and Drew. Pray for their families energy and wisdom and complete healing.
Our continued thanks for all your support and prayers through this journey of our lives.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, February 20, 2003 6:52 PM CST
It is so nice to see Noah have as much energy as he does. he has now been to school two days in a row and now he is attending our church's kids program(Kids Zone). He is running around and laughing. One would think he is cured and on the rebound. Unfortunately next week they will take his blood count down with the chemo. They are going to try to give him some medication so we do not have to end up in the hospital again. Again our many thanks for all your support and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, February 19, 2003 11:01 AM CST
Well Noah is officially done with radiation. Noah is feeling extremely well and I think he is trying to make up for lost time in communication for the last 8 weeks. He is a fire ball wanting to talk. He has great energy and in fact he is currently in school. His classmates cheered for him when he walked in and welcomed him back. That was very encouraging for him. His blood counts are good and we basically have a week off on medication. He goes back on tuesday for a spinal tap and bone marrow and more chemo which unfortuantely will take his counts back down.
Our many thanks to all of you and your support. Your prayers are very encouraging. It is so nice to see teh energy on his face and body and his enthusiasm to do things.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, February 17, 2003 10:25 AM CST
What a roller coaster week. As you know Noah was admitted to Childrens back on the 5th and released on the 12th. His blood counts dropped leaving basically with no white blood cells in his system and no immune system. He developed a fever of 104.9 which got him the ambulance ride to Children's on the 5th. He started radiation on the 10th and has three more days of radiation including today. These procedures are done at Abbot Northwestern which is across the street from Children's. We also spent five hours in ER with Grace Anna last Tuesday. She was poked and prodded to find out she was allergic to Heidi's sweater. And then my dad had his triple bypass on Thursday.
I share all of this becasue I want to share of God's goodness through all of this chaos in our lives. Last Friday the 7th I had to leave Noah for the first time in the hospital when he needed me. It was heart breaking as I drove back to Sauk Rapids to tkae our students on a retreat. As we were getting ready to tleave a gentleman walked into my office that I had never met and told me his family was praying for Noah and our family and tehn slipped me a gift. Right after he left I received a phone call from a pastor I have never met or spoken with before, asking how Noah was and to let me know that His church was praying for Noah. I hung up the phone and was amazed at God's timing. I know there are several people out there who would say that it was coincidental but I know my God cares for His children and knows waht they need and when they need it. God's timing could not have been more perfect. Also last Wednesday I had to come back to Sauk Rapids for youth ministry that evening, I left my family in Hudson becuase of my dad's surgery the next day. I stopped by my house to see if it was still standing and to check the phone messages. Noah's school had called(St Cloud Chriostian School) and had wanted to drop a package. Mrs Zenner and Mrs Avery dropped off a apckage from the students of the school. All of the grades did jobs around their neighborhoods and homes and brought the money into the schoolf ro a gift for Noah and our family. The amount was overwhelming but even more was the gift of compassion and love. To think about the sacrifice all those students made for one of their fellow students was a real testimony of God's compassion and love in their lives. I could share of many times God has placed people or letters just at the right time to be a source of God's love and encouragement. God's family knows how to take care of its own. Our God rocks, always has always will.
Please pray for
Noah's final three days of radiation
Noah's blood counts to maintain and grow
Peace and rest for our family
Vic and his recovery ( going a little slow)
God to continue to use this circumstance for His glory and for us to sensitive to His leading. He has given us a whole new ministry to people because of Noah's cancer. I still would not wish this cancer on anybody but as each day passes we get a little more accustomed with this life style.
Alsoplease pray for two other child we have met and could use our knees before God's throne. Max and Kyle who both have spent a lot of time on eight floor and for Drew who is just finishing up his treatment.
We remain in His hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, February 14, 2003 9:45 AM CST
Sorry it has beena couple of days, but it has been a little hectic. Noah was released from the hospital Wednesday morning. We have spent the last couple of days at my parents in Hudson. We are at the clininc now talking withthe doctor and will be going home this afternoon. My dad had his surgery yesterday and doing quite well for his type of surgery. I will write later to fill you all in the details of the last couple of days as a lot has happened. Thank uyou for your prayers and support
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tueday, February 11, 2003 10:10 AM CST
Noah's blood counts still hover around nothing. Hopefully we will see those counts rise shortly. Noah had his second of eight radiation treatments this morning at 7. It is very difficult for Heidi and I to allow this procedure. Noah is doing well with it, but the real effects do not show up for two years if they are going to show up. There is a possibility they will allow us to go home today, but we need to be here every day for his radiation. Noah is getting tired of being in the hospital and getting anxious to get home.
We are waiting for his spinal tap and Peg shot, he gets two shots in the legs at once. Thankfully they will do it this time while he is asleep.
We continue to trust God for our guidance and peace. Thank you for your continued prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, February 9, 2003 3:40 PM CST
How is it possible to be both on the mountain top and the valley at the same time. Noah continues to be in the hospital, probably for another week. Friday and Saturday nights were a little scary. He developed a high fever with very low blood pressure and high pulse rate. The doctors were alerted and Noah's vitals were taken every fifteen minutes. They have his system under control with lots of antibioitcs. it looks like he has pneumonia(sorry spelling. His spirits are doing well. He is such a warrior through all of this. He just continues to walk the road he is on right now.
I mentioned the dual feelings because also this weekend I saw several hundred teenagers give their life to Christ for the very first time. I saw a couple of our own teens that we have been working with Give their life to Christ as well as several get priorities straight with God. How is it that we can be rejoicing before His throne all that He is and all he was doing at that conference and be in pain with what was happening with Noah? Simply but the hand of God. I have learned it is quite alright to hurt, to cry, to anguish, to be angry, to mourn and to rejoice. God does not want a front, He is full aware of the pain that a parent faces when their child is hurting. Christ did not put on a happy face when he went into the garden for the last time or on the road to the cross. God did not look down and smile at that moment. The grief and pain that both God and Christ felt at that moment I will never know. But I know it is alright for us to hurt and to rejoice with God on who He is. I ask myself all the time how is it that we can go through what we are. Noah's difficulties and Dad's bypass but God giving us the peace and strength needed.
Please pray for Doctors wisdom in assigning meds.
- for Noah's radiation to start tomorrow - that there will be no side effects from the radiation.
- for strength for Noah, and family
- for Vic and his triple bypass scheduled for Thursday
- the eigth floor of Children's as many families struggle through cancer in their child.
Glad to be In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, February 6, 2003 9:41 AM CST
Well Noah had his very first ambulance ride last night. He developed a fever last night of 104.9. I took him to ER immediately and they gave him a antibiotic, they then transported us via ambulance to Children's in Minneapolis. We are back on the 8th floor. His fever continues to hover around 102 to 103. We have no idea how long we will be up here. His blood counts have dropped significantly which puts him at risk for infection.
Please pray for
- Noah's fever to reduce
- I have a retreat with 23 teens this friday, for
God's direction in handling this.
- Noah's blood count to increase
- For mom and dad, energy, wisdom, strength and endurance
- For Jason's dad (Vic) wil be having triple bypass
next thursday.
There seems to be alot on our plates at the moment. Noah was scheduled for radiation on Monday. i do not know if they wil continue with the latest blood and fever. I Know God's hand is upon us. We will take each hour at a time for now. If anything changes i will srite in this space again today. Thank you for your prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tueday, February 4, 2003 10:01 AM CST
Today is monday, our mant thanks to those who sent encouraging words to Naoh on friday and over the weekend. I know he was excited to hear from alot of his old friends and new friends. We are currently in the shortv stay unit here at Children's. Noah's numbers plummeted from last week. he had excellent numbers in his white blood count, was 3000 now 200. Hemoglobin was 9 now is 6.3, which means he has to have another blood transfusion. And his ANC, which is his immunie system was at 1300 and has dropped to 117. When a Leukemia patient drops below 200 they have to be in isolation. His body does not have the ability to fight off infections. Please pray for these numbers to increase.
Noah has had such great energy the last few days. They want to keep an eye on him today to see if they want to admit him.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 31, 2003 at 10:29 AM (CST)
Well to day is Noah's day for our website. We are requesting everybody to sign the guestbook either some funny, uplifting story about Noah or life in general. We will take all these stories and read them to him over the weekend. We are asking for today that we do not mention his illness or healing. He is constantly reminded in everything he does about his sickness and prayers all over for him. So today we just want to take his mind off his cancer and make him laugh and remember some of the things he has done.
For all those who remember how much I loved my hair as a younger adult, I now officially have none. It is quite an experience. I have tried to stay in front of Noah's hair loss, so instead of him asking why he is losing his hair he asks dad can you shave my head to.
Noah is doing well today, fever is gone and he is excited about his new computer. His school donated him a computer and he love topaint on it or games. We are overwhelmed by everyone's love and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, January 29, 2003 at 04:47 PM (CST)
Noah's bone marrow is in remission and we are home. The nurse came over today to give him someof his chemo at home. We have appointments at Children's the next several tuesday's. WE continue to seek God for energy, strength and peace. Right now both Heidi and myself are pretty exhausted from everything.
Please do not forget about Friday. Friday is Noah's day. We are asking everyon to write soemthing about Noah, a favorite time you have had with himn, something humorous, the one thing we ask is on Fridays journal we don't mention his illness or healing. I look forward to some of the stories many of you have to share. We will take the entries and read them all to him this weekend.
Noah is doing quite well through all this, he never complains about his illness, just his needle in his port. yesterday he said we had two miracles. he did not have to stay in the hospital for 45 days and he did inot have to stay in the hospital becuase of his fever. He has such a soft heart towards God. And we added we just need one more miracle and that is a complete removal of Leukemia from his system.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 04:07 PM (CST)
We are currently on the fourht floor of Children's were Noah will be receiving a new chemo. Great news in that they are going to continue to treat him for ALL. Which means for the moment he does not have to stay long term. i fight within myself in saying great news. How can it be great news when my son is still facing a struggle for his life. So I probably should say it is better news of the bad. Don't get me wrong, we are thrilled he does not have to stay long term for AML treatment. Great news would be that his body is free from cancer. God is in control and will lead us aone day at a time.
Currently Noah has a temp of 104.4 but we believe it is a viral thing and not bacteria.
I would like to ask something special from all of you. i would like to on Friday to have people write only to Noah, and share stories about him. Maybe how he impacted your life or something silly you saw him do. I want to take all these writings and read them to him on Saturday as a form of encouragement. On this one day and one day only I ask that we do not include his illness in your writing. But everything we share to be something to lift his spirits.
I know he would appreciate it and so would we.
We hope to be home this evening but it depends on his temp and how he does with his chemo.
Our many thanks for your love and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, January 27, 2003 at 12:44 PM (CST)
We got great news, his blast count is only 2% in his fluid of his bone marrow. So we get to go home and come back tomorrow afternoon for a meeting with our Doctor. We will find out the result of the biopsy then. Please pray for those blasts to be less than 5%.
On the other hand, my dad had a meeting with his doctor and they are going to do a angeogram on Thursday. They believe a bypass is necessary.
Our God is in control and He will bring us through this.
Thank you for all your support and love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi Schafbuch
Monday, January 27, 2003 at 10:35 AM (CST)
It is about 10:30 on Monday morning. Noah just had his bone marrow biopsy. Now it wait and see. We should find out sometime early afternoon if blasts are present in the liquid of th emarrow. He has 2% blasts present in the blood. If he does not have a significant % present in the liquid we will go home and either come back tomorrow or wednesday to begin the next phase of treatment. In which we will also find out the results form the biopsy part of the test.
Your prayers are much appreciated. Noah seems to be getting tired of the pricking and attention. But he continues to go through like a trooper. He has yet to complain.
I will write in this space as soon as we know something.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, January 26, 2003 at 12:24 PM (CST)
It is about 12:30 on Sunday afternoon. We were just released from ER. We went in about 6am, Noah developed a temp of 104.5. The ER brought his temp down and believe the temp is froma viral sickness. It is bacterial that we really need to worry . It is amazing the support that we are receiveing through this time. To be honest we are very tired and exhausted. Our emotions are drained and we rely upon our friends and mainly the hand of God.
We head to the cities today for tomorrow's bone marrow test. If they find a large % of blasts present he will be admitted for a long stay otherwise we will return on Wednesday to receive results form his bone marrow biopsy and either then receive next round of chemo treatment or be admitted.
There is no way that you can plan for things such as this. Please continue to pray for God's hand to heal Noah, energy and peace for his parents, and wisdom for the DR's
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 24, 2003 at 10:28 PM (CST)
Well do I dare say here we go again. This morning Heidi checked on Noah at 4 am and found that he had a 101.2 fever. We called the hospital and said to pack a bag in case we nedd to admit him. It was a very difficult morning, Heidi really wanted to go with, but Kaylee is sick and did not want to put Grace Ana in that close of proximity.
We entered short stay this morning at 7:30 planning for chemo and radiation preparation. Noah had his labs drawed and we were notified by the doctor that there are blasts present in his blood. Possibly meaning cancer cells are growing back. So with that news she did not want to start the next round of chemo until we know if they are cancer cells growing. So we go back on monday for yet another bone marrow biopsy to see the blast count there. If they find a number of blasts there Noah will be admitted immediately for AML treatment. Which means 30 to 45 day stay in the hospital. They also took several rare blood tests to narrow down what is going on in his system. From there we went to radiation for preparartion where they made a mask for his face.
Words can not to begin to explain the pain. We would like to ask everyone to pray that Noah cancer cells are not growing but actually stays in remission.
We are relying upon Jesus for His peace. Thank you all for your encouragement and words of love.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 08:54 AM (CST)
Well I am up with Grace Ana at 1 am and the song by Steve Camp called Every Sparrow popped into my head. I wish I could play it on this website. It explains our heart squte well.
Every sparrow that falls to the ground
the Father knows each one dearly.
And when our world comes crashing down
It takes faith to see clearly.
The Lord is close to those whose hearts are breaking
The Lord is near those whose world has been torn in two
And though we are hurting, we are never forsaken
We need a healing, that only God can do!
Sometimes tragedy comes so suddenly
It nearly crushes our soul
But God is sovereign over everything
And our pain is in His control
(Chorus)
Though our hearts are overwhelmed and filled with fear
Hope is our refuge because our God is near
We nedd His awesom power to see us through
Lead us to the rock that will never be moved
(Chorus)
If you are dealing with pain or grief in your life. I encourage to grab this song and let it minister to you. It is by Steve Camp Cd called desiring God.
Noah said to me the other night when my heart was heavy and hurting for him. he said, "mommy, God will never forsake us. He always loves us and he hears us when we pray." Wow what an encouragement that was to me that night, form a 6 yr old who has been through so much.
Noah gave his life to Jesus in the car going to school one morning. He asked me 2 or 3 times what he had to do to give his life to Jesus. I told him that Jesus loved him so much that He went to the cross and diesd for Him and we need to ask forgiveness for our sins and give ourselves, our lives to Jesus. He prayed and gave his life to Christ.
Noah's life has been a testimony already. Jason and I and grandparents have been praying for Noah's salvation since he was born and God answered our prayers! He healed Noah heart which is the most important healing. We continue to pray for his physical healing each day and almost every minute.
In His Hands,
Heidi and Jason
Wednesday, January 22, 2003 at 08:57 AM (CST)
The roller coaster continues. The docotr called us last night with the lates results from his bone marrow biopsy. he is in radiation but then that dreaded word, but, they also sent chromozones to be tested after they grew. Of teh 21 cells that grew 7 were cancerous. They call this abnormal regenerative chromozones. The doctor said he is definetely high risk and slow responder. She wants to continue with his ALL treatment for one month and do another biopsy. If she does not see improvement she wants to jump to AML treatment which includes a bone marrow transplant.
I have given you the facts, I do not know how to communicate how we are doing. Noah told Heidi yesterday that Grace Ana need to hear about Jesus but does not know if he will be around to tell her about Jesus. Where does he get this stuff? We have never told him of the seriousness of his situation. We have communicated to him that he is sick and is going to take a long time to heal. He breaks our hearts with words like that. You begin to wonder if God is preparing his little life. I need direction and that is the last thing we have. We take day by day, treatment by treatment. The docotr has placed his prognosis for now at 60 to 70% cure. You can not help but to think about all that our son has brought to our lives, his smile, energy and try to imagine life without that. I can't bear it. Do not get me wrong we have lots of hope, but with all that is going on your mind drifts to the real possibility. I was reading another website of a teen who fought leukemia for a year and lost the battle. How my heart aches for that family but I can't help but to consider the similarities. Oh how I hate cancer. We both are out of it today. We feel so surrounded by friends and support but oh do we feel so lonely at times like these. There is nothing that you can do but to pray. We just need to fall into our Saviors arms and rely upon His strength.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, January 21, 2003 at 09:34 AM (CST)
Noah has a way of breaking our hearts without even knowing it. He has such a sensitive heart towards the Lord. Yesterday he told his sister that she had to pray to receive Christ now and that he was not going to leave until she did. How is that for evangelism. Intimidation my favorite approach. j/k Than he told mius mommy, "you know why I became a Christian mommy, in case if I were to die as a child, but I want to do that later." How do you respond to that. My heart aches so for this child, sometimes it feels as if his faith is stronger than mine.
We head to the cities on Friday for the next series of treatment. We have to have his blood numbers chcked on Thursday to make sure he can handle the next round. On Friday he will also meet with the radiologists to have a mask made for the radiation treatment. We are so against this procedure but what choice do we have. If you are reading this and either you or someone close to you has gone through radiation to the brain could you sign our guestbook or email me with some knowledge of your experience.
Noah continues to go day by day in how he is feeling. Yesterday he was feeling pretty good, last night he wore out quickly and was complaining of stomach aches.
We feel so much love from our freinds and family. Thak you for your prayers and concerns. God will not forsake us, we know His protective hand is upon our child and us.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, January 20, 2003 at 10:49 AM (CST)
Well we got the news from the Doctor on Friday evening. Noah looks like he is in remission. We will have confirmation on Tuesday. Our doctors want to get a second opinion from the U of M from his biopsy. They are going to continue the treatment headed towards ALL. They will try this for two months and do another bone marrow biopsy to make sure the chemo is working. They want to start radiation next monday. We are so leary about this procedure because it does have permenent side effects. They told us the next several months they will be very aggresive in their treatment. Noah will have a 2 to 4 week window in a couple months where he will feel good. But until we get through these several months it will be a tough road on his energy and system.
Noah is doing quite well at the moment. We are going to try to get him to school tomorrow.
We are continued to be overwhelmed by your support and prayers. Thank you for those who have left notes on his guestbook. We read and reread those for encouragement. God has been good in surrounding us with good friends.
Our many thanks to our church family. You have been so huge during these days.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 17, 2003 at 11:19 AM (CST)
As i sit in front of this computer to commnicate about Noah's journey through this disease, a war wages inside of me. I am by trade, be being, by call from my God a commnicator of His gospel. I have been given the awesome responsibility as all who have a relationship with Christ to bring the seeker to our God. As I write each day the battle that wages is one of the excitement of who my God is and the pain that rages within my whole being. Do I let pain commnicate to you or the goodness of God. I could write page after page in how we have already seen God's hand upon this situation and his directing us to the right scenario. Every night for the last several nights Noah goes to bed with such a heart for God. He asks questions that some adult Christians have long forgotten. Yes my liitle Noah knows who his God is and has that relationship with Him. He prayed the other day for Grace Anna to become a Christian. He is thankful to God for his family and prays for God's healing upon his body.
I see how God has placed Him in the right school with the right teacher for this ordeal. Noah was actually in Kindegarten last year. When we moved to Sartell the education system was a lot different than where we were from. The kids were reading entire books here at the end of K. We tried him in first and he struggled to keep up. We thought about workinghard the first couple of months to get him caught witht his school but we put him back into K this year. Now we know why God gave us that Peace. With his sickness he has been in school twice since the 17th of Dec. And only for three hours each. With the uncertainity of his diagnosis we do not know if he will back at all this year. God's hand was with us there. He was with us in our move. If we were still in Traverse City we would be down in Ann Arbor which is 4 hours from TC. With no one around. Here my family lives in the area and we are at one of the best hospitals for Leukemia in the country.
To our friends in TC. We miss you and will always hold our friendships so dear. We thank God for the time we spent there in that beautiful area. You guys Rock.
I could share story after story how we have seen God work. I could also share story after story of pain that grieves our hearts. the doctors have been very up fornt with us in their diagnosis and prognosis. They have already communicated presently Noah is between 50 to 70% survival rate. As a parent try to bury that. It haunts me everyday. Never before could i realize the pain the human heart can endure. At the moment we do not know what tomorrow holds. We are waiting for result from Noah's bone marrow biopsy. Noah's Leukemia is rare and therehave been no study groups on this type. God has blessed Noah with a great Dr who is not afraid to communicate with other experts across this country and far as that is, also other countries. I think it will be a little easier when we know what direction we are headed in his treatment.
The war that wages is real the grace we have is real the pain we have is real. For some unknown reason God has allowed us to go through this horrible distress.
Please understand there is no celebrating in this. What ever news the doctor gives us is bad news. Unless she communicates a total healing. There is just bad, worse, and very bad news. The reality is Noah has cancer of the blood, throughout his entire body. He is looking at 1 to 3 years of treatment. Celebrating for us is to see Noah running around, laughing, enjoying life like he used to before this ordeal. To those who have been or in similar situation my heart aches for you. Never before could I imagine what you are dealing with.
I know my God will bring us through, He will give us the strength to take minute by minute, hour by hour, and day by day. He will never leave or forsake us. But the pain is real.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 17, 2003 at 09:59 AM (CST)
Well we get to play the waiting game. the doctor is going to call today with news about his biopsy. Please pray earnestly that he is in remission. We started backing him off his prednizone. We are so happy to be done with this med. We were not released yesterday until 3:30, Noah began to have a temp and headaches and stomachaches. He is doing ok today. He is perched on the sofa where he he spends most of his time. If you knew Noah before his Leukemia you knew how much energy he had. He loved to play and run around. He has a tough time going into the kitchen to get stuff.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, January 16, 2003 at 09:58 AM (CST)
Noah is down stairs in short stay eating his breakfast. he just had a bone marrow biopsy and spinal tap for chemo. We have to wait a few days to find the results of the biopsy. Our prayers are that he is in remission. His hemoglobin has dropped to 7 so we have to stay around for a few hours while he has another blood transfusion. His ANC numbers have dropped below 500 which means he is more suspect for infection.
We had to leave our house this morning at 5:45 to get to Children's by 7:30. So needless to say everyone is a little tired. Kaylee looks like she is getting a little sick. We are just waiting to see the direction we are going to take it defeating this cancer in Noah's body. We hope he gains some more strength soon so he can return to school.
Our many thanks for your love and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Wednesday, January 15, 2003 at 09:01 AM (CST)
Noah has stabilized a little bit. Still not a lot of energy. He has not gone back to school yet. Last night he asked Heidi, Jesus will always love us right? And Jesus will never leave us right? Such powerful questions from a six year old. His infection in his intestines seem better. Today is the last full day of Prednizone, this medicine has been nasty for him. His face has balloned to twice it normal size. He does not look the same at all. it breaks are hearts to see how these drugs are affecting him physically and mentally. Tomorrow we go to Children's to have more chemo, spinal tap and bone marrow. Please pray for the bone marrow. We hope he is in remission. The next eight days gives us a hint of what the next several years will look like. We are a little anxious over theses tests and there results.
We are overwhelmed by our friends and family support through this ordeal. Thank you for your love and support. We continue to look for god's peace in our lives and to rely upon that.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, January 13, 2003 at 05:24 PM (CST)
(Heidi wrote this last night at 10pm)
Well today Noah wanted to go to church but I could tell he was not really feeling well. We made it there for about 30 minutes and than I brought him home. This evening was very hard. he got stomache pains that he rated as a 10, which is the worst pain possible. We almost had to head back to the ER, but the pain subsided to a 4, with much prayer and Tylenol. Noah said " mommy, I wish I felt good like you do." After the hard evening he fell asleep and I just felt like God's not hearing my cries by day and night for help for Noah. With tears I went to take a bath and I have been reading the book 'Prayer That Works' by Jill Briscoe. i read the chapter called Running Out Of Prayers. It fit my feelings perfect. I felt like I am under the Broom Tree like Elijah. Like God's not hearing me or helping Noah.
I Kings 19:4 Elijah tells God he has had enough. Jill says to be totally honest with God. God wants us to tell Him exactly how we feel but to keep talking to Him. Don't give up talking with God. When we are under teh Broom Tree our prayers are prayers of desperation. We feel at the end of our strength. That is how I feel at the end of today. Jill writes that "Many have had remarkable answers to prayer when they had no clear or definite assurance that they would be heard, either before they prayed , while praying , or after they prayed. It has seemed to them that God has given the most remarkable answers to prayer at times they had no faith whatsoever.
That encouraged me greatly tonight.
God gave me Psalms 86 in the New Living Trqanslation the day we found out about Noah driving in the car to Children's Hospital (Dec 17). It is the passage of Scripture I hold on to everyday.
Psalms 86
Bend down, O lord, and hear my prayer, answer me, for (Noah) needs your help. Protect (Noah), for i am devoted to You. Save (Noah) for I serve You and trust You. You are my God. Be merciful, O lord, for I am calling on you constantly, give me happiness, O lord for my life depends on you. O Lord you are so good so ready to forgive, so full of unfailing love for all who askyour aid. Listen closely to my prayers O Lord. Hear my urgent cry, i will call on you whenever trouble strikes, You will answer me. Nowhere among the pagan gods is there a God like You, O Lord. There are no other miracles like yours. For you are great and perform great miracles. You alone are God.
Thanks for all of your prayers for Noha and all of us. I pray we will become more like Christ and that Noah's sickness would bring many people to know Christ personally
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, January 12, 2003 at 04:32 PM (CST)
Noah was released from the hospital last night and we were home about 4:30. He is glad to be home but very weak. He tried going to church today but only lasted about 10 minutes. His Docotr called and told us one of his tests came back that revealed that he has a infection in his intestine. She said nothing serious just need to take an antibiotic. It was nice to be in church today with our family of believers. This church has been so huge in the support of our family. We are honroed to be part of this body of Christ. The whole body of Christ in their support and prayers is tremendous. Thank you.
Noah has to go into the clinic here in St. Cloud to have his blood numbers checked. The doctor thinks he might need another transfusion. Please continue to pray for God's healing hand to be on Noah.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, January 11, 2003 at 09:45 AM (CST)
Well it looks like we get to go home today. His gash on his bottom has healed. his blood counts have stabilized forth emoment except his platelet count is dropping fast. His hemoglobin has dropped a little and will probably need another transfusiion in a week or so. He was a little chatterbox last night. Uncle Joel was up to wathch him as my dad and I went to look for a bigger vehichle. He talked and talked.
His spirits seem to be doing well and is exicted about the prospect of going home. Please pray for next thursday as he will have bone marrow tests and those tests will determine his next three years of treatment. We are still asking God for a complete healing but that is my desire and my will. Our desire is to find God new every morning and to rely upon Him for strength. By no means am I saying it is easy, but what choice do we have and what better choice is there.. This fight is out of our hands. Thanks again for your support and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 10, 2003 at 03:59 PM (CST)
Today Noah is doing well. We are still in the hospital and will not be released until maybe tomorrow. Grace Anna did not have to go to the hospital. The nurse will come out with a machine to help her jaundice. Right now everything is in limbo. I am continually inawe of the support and love we receive from our families and friends. Even friends we have never met. And a lot of people we have a bond in the Lord.
It is God who bring us through this trial, and we search for His peace and understanding.
In His Hands Jason and Heidi
Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 06:17 PM (CST)
it is not often that i would sit here and write two journal entries in one day. It has been a very difficult day and as the day progresses our hearts get heavier. At the moment Hieid is in St Cloud with Grace Anna and Kaylle and I am here at Children's with Noah. To get to it real quick, Grace Anna has jaundice and will most likely have to go to the hospital this evening. Noah just had a MRI done and is in the room eating supper. The doctor gave me the news that Noah is not in remission. When they first did the test and got results back it was for a fluid part of the bone marrow that showed not many cancer cells. When they got the results from core it showed 60% cancer cells still remaining. Most patients go into remission on day 7. He has until day 28 to go into remission or we go an entirely different direction. Noah's cancer is anything but typical. they still have not locked down exactly how much AML he has and how much ALL he has.
Those are the facts, I can not even begin to express my hearts or feelings. I think at the moment both heidi and myself have become so numb to everything around us. I have no answers but frustration.
Still In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, January 09, 2003 at 01:11 PM (CST)
I sit and stare at a blank screen and try to find the words to write. I am lost in a sea of emotion straddling pain, anger,confusment and loss. Currently we are back on floor. Yesterday I was preparing for SOUL ROCK (our student ministry at Sauk rapids Alliance) Heidi had called me to come home real quick so that I could give him some of his medicine. When I got home he was very lethargic and I could literally see every bloodvessel in his chest and head. I quickly called our doctor and she sent us to the ER in St Cloud tomake sure that he could travel. We spent 4 hours there and they released him to go to Childrens. He has a temp, a bad gash near his rectum. Either today they are going to do a MRI or MRV to see if he has any blood clots. He had a blood transfusion last night to bring his hemoglobin up.
Today for the first tme he prayed for his own healing and removal of the cancer from his body. I meet with the doctor in 10 minutes as she will give me Noah's prognosis and directions she wants to go. I do not know if I am ready for anymore.
Heidi really wanted to come down but she had to stay back with Grace Anna.
Thank you for your continued support and love and prayers.
In His Hands
Jason, Heidi, Noah, Kaylee, Grace Anna
Wednesday, January 08, 2003 at 02:28 PM (CST)
We are learning to ride this roller coaster of our lives. Noah was to tired to go to school today. His color is beginning to fade which probably means he will have to have another blood transfusion. Thankfully Heidi has the same blood type as Noah. She can not donate yet because of the birth but maybe his next one she can. His face has doubled in size because of the prednizone. It is very difficult to watch your child in so much pain and having such difficulty and we are not able to do a thing about it.
Please pray for tomorrow, we meet with Radiologists and Noah has more chemo. I have asked the Doctor to lay out his prognosis with and with out radiation Also pray for tonight. Tonight is the first day back in the saddle(youth night) since Noah's diagnosis. Pray for clarity of thought and speech. To be humble and teach God's Word with effectiveness and to be transparent to allow my pain not to be shut up.
Heidi and baby are doing well.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, January 07, 2003 at 03:50 PM (CST)
Noah has been to school for two half days. He goes from 8:30 to 11 when he quickly runs out of energy. We continue to tryto get him into regular schedule as much as possible. Mostly to help him out in his emotions and psyche. Baby just came home and he wanted to quickly hold the baby. Grace Anna is doing very well, as is mom.
Please continue to pray for God's leading upon our decision for Noah's treatments.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Monday, January 06, 2003 at 09:26 AM (CST)
Great News, Noah did really well at home yesterday for Grandma and Grandpa. he barely spent anytime on the couch and in fact right now I am in the school office using there computer to write this entry as Noah is back to school. He seems to be doing very well, a little overwhelmed. Mommy and Daddy decided to take a vacation and we decided to go to the hospital. At 9:25 last night on the 5th Grace Anna Noel Schafbuch entered into our world. She was a small baby at 9 pounds and 4 ounces. Our other two kids were 10 pounds or bigger. Heidi is doing very well and so is Grace Anna. Our thanks to our God for His faithfulness to our family through these days of ordeal. God's family has been so huge to our family. Grace Anna has a full head of dark hair. Hopefuly by tomoorow I will have pictures of Noah and the baby on this website.
The kids went to the hospital this morning and saw there baby sister. There words are "ooohh she is soooo cute". They decided she is a keeper.
Thank you for your prayers. Noah has chemo on Thursday and we have a consultation with the radiologists on Thursday. We also find out more on his exact type of chemo.
Our prayers are that he willnot need Radiology to the head. That the recovery of his system will be amazement to the doctors. We are overwhelmed how the body of Christ in so many states have come together for one cause. To pray for our son. Thank You, Thank You
Our God is good and will give us the stregth to overcome. There are days that are very difficult but God is still close.
Our love
Jason, Heidi, Noah, Kaylee and Grace Anna
Saturday, January 04, 2003 at 10:48 PM (CST)
Noah had a very good day. He had more energy, we actually were able to take him out and go to Walmart to do some quick last minute baby shopping. Noah still spent a lot of time on the sofa but it was nice to see him up and about doing puzzles and playing Nintendo. If all goes well tomorrow, the doctor will induce Heidi tomorrow and little Grace Anna will enter into the world. We had chosen her name before any of this with Noah was known to us. We think of it quite appropiate for such a time as this. Actually Anna means grace to. We have a double dose fo Grace coming our way. Please pray for an easy delivery.
Our continued thanks for your prayers and support.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, January 03, 2003 at 09:56 AM (CST)
Well today Noah seems to have a little more energy but not quite enough to go to school. We got some good news last night and bad. Noah's leukemia is in remission, his blasts in his bone marrow fell below 5%. Last week it was at 63%. Again blasts are the amount of cancerous cells in the white blood cells. The difficult news is that they have found when a patient takes so long to go into remission that they have a good chance of getting the leukemia back in the spinal cord. So they would like to to do radiation treatment to the brain. The doctor has informed us that most likely there will be some long term effects. Please be in prayer as we decide what to do.
Please pray that Noah does not need radiation treatment. Heidi has a doctors appointment today. Please pray for God's hand upon Grace Anna as she ventures into this new world. That there would be no difficulties and easier transition in our home. Heidi is holding up well.
We have been showered continously with your love and support. People call and offer their love. Our many thanks for your prayers and support.
In His Hands,
Jason & Heidi
Thursday, January 02, 2003 at 08:59 AM (CST)
As i write this journal entry it is rather difficult. Noah had an extremely awesome day yesterday, with lots of energy for New years and kaylee's birthday. We went to Chuck and Cheese's. Today we are at the hospital and he is having a bone marrow test as we speak. As I was waiting for them to put him under I noticed his hair is beginning to fall out. I was also notified that Noah has an extremely rare type of Leukemia and there is no straight forward path in his treatment. Next week we will have a clearer story when the Doctor is able to put all the tests together.
Yesterday i was so excited for Noah, he hads lots of energy. man do I hate this cancer. It is not fair for my son to have this. I want to cry out in anguish. I want to ask God why my son. Noah on the way to the hospital said something that just broke our hearts. He said he wished he was in heaven already because there we are not sick and no pain. The words of a six year old.
Our many thanks to family and friends who continue to pray and support us with their love. God is our Lord and King and it is He who we find our strength. I can not second guess what I do not know. What I do know is God is faithful and loving.
The baby has not come yet, anyday though. My dad is home from the hospital and doing well, just a little tired.
Nothing else to say but please continue to pray.
In His Hands,
Jason and Heidi
Monday, December 30, 2002 at 10:08 AM (CST)
We were released from the hospital yesterday evening. Noah is doing better. He still has the headache. The doctor said it could last up to 10 days. But we are glad to be home. An answer to prayer was in the change of his medicine. it would take us an hour at a time to get him to take one of them because of the awful taste. They change it and now he just opens his mouth and swallows it. Huge relief.
My dad is still in the hospital and we are waiting for all the test results to come back to figure out what exactly is going on. He seems to be in good spirits. He is more worried about Noah than himself.
We will be back inthe cities on the first and second. it is Kaylee's birthday and Noah has another round of chemo.
Thank you for all your prayers and love. May God be a blessing to you in the New Year as we strive to serve Him.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Sunday, December 29, 2002 at 10:14 AM (CST)
It has been a very challenging 24 hours. Noah is doing well and we expect to be released soon. My dad called me yesterday afternoon and was headed for Methodist in St louis Park. He was admitted for congestive heart failure. So after Noah was stable and Heidi was not looking at delivery I ran over to Methodist to be with Him.
Noah is getting some energy back and able to watch TV at least.
Please pray for Heidi as she is very tired. Pray for God's protection upon Noah and Vic(my dad).
Our hearts are very heavy with the circumstances around us but God will deliver us.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Saturday, December 28, 2002 at 01:35 PM (CST)
Well the plans for today were to work on finishing the basement but we find ourselves on the 8th floor of children's. Noah is having realy severe headaches and backache. it has been diagnosed he is having a spinal headache from the spinal tap. The doctor said it can take up to 10 days for it to go away. it is hard to see Noah so lethargic. He is such an active boy. It looks like we will be here for a couple of days. We received his bone marrow test back. His test showed he has 63% blast. Which means 63% percent of the white blood cells in his bone marrow are cancerous. While his blast count in his bloodstream is 30%.
Heidi is already dialated to 3cm and having back pain and contractions. At this rate we will have two family members in the hospital at the same time.
Please be in prayer for noah and his pain. Please also pray for one of his chemo meds. He is having a real difficult time taking it because of the taste. But he needs to have it three times a day. We know God is in control and someday we will be able to look back and see how His hand was upon us. It just looks kind of foggy right now. But God has always been good to us.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Friday, December 27, 2002 at 12:32 PM (CST)
Noah is having a more difficult day. He had chemo yesterday and a spina tap and a bone marrow test. He was doing fine until we tried to go home from Grandma's and Grandpa's he got a severe headache that the doctors told us was from his spinal tap. Evidently sometimes the spinal fluid leaks out and there is unbalanced pressure around his brain. after we were able to get the pain n his head down his side beganto hurt and stills proves hard for him to walk around. He told his mommy yesterday "I do not want to be sick any more mommy". Please pray for us as it is so so difficult to watch your child in so much pain and not able to do anything about it. Heidi went to the doctor and she is 3cm dialated. Noah goes back next thursday for round three of chemo and another bone marrow test. Kaylee is doing ok during this ordeal. She is a liitle confused by all the attention Noah is receiving from Dr's and medicine.
Pray for God's peace upon our family, hHis healing hand upon Noah, for the unborn child, for the ministry to be strong and effective and for Heidi.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Thursday, December 26, 2002 at 09:06 AM (CST)
As I write Noah is under and receiving a spinal tap and bone marrow test. He had a great Christmas at Grandma and Grandpa's in Hudson. His blood counts are all looking good. Today he is receiving more chemo. His color is looking good. Overall, he is doing very well. We continue to be blessed by all the support that family and friends share. Thank you for your prayers and love.
Please continue to pray for Noah and his recovery. Pray for Heidi and the baby (due any day). Pray for our adjustment to this new way of life. Pray for God's guidance upon our lives.
May God be so close to you all this season.
In His Hands
Jason and Heidi
Tuesday, December 24, 2002 at 12:24 AM (CST)
To give you a little background. Our family moved from Traverse City, MI. back in june of 2002. we started a new ministry here in the St Cloud area. It was one of those sayings in that it coiuld not get much than it was. Our ministry is going very well, we have a lovely home Noah is enrolled in a great school and Noah and Kaylee were enjoying all there new friends.
In late October Noah came down with a bad cough. WE took him to the Dr and they gave him some medicine. As time progressed we began tonotice a subtle change in his personality. We thought he was having a tough time with the change. Meanwhile he stayed on medicine and going to the Dr. AS December came we began to notice that he was not improving and went back again. Also in this same time Heidi who is 8 1/2 months pregnant began to dialate. As our attention turned to the prep of the new baby girl(who by the way has not come yet) Noah continued to get worse. It was the weekend of Heidi's birthday that we really began to notice the lack of color and energy in Noah. We went to the Dr on the mornign of the 17th. I was prepared to get more 'cold' medicine for Noah. They drew samples of blood. Nothing could have prepared me for what happened next. As Noah and I sat in the exam room waiting for the Docotr to return, Heidi called and was crying. The doctor had called and wanted her to come in so that she could tell us something. I have never felt so hopeless and lost. Everything I knew about life came to a standstill. How could my precious son have cancer. I am supposed to get seriously sick way before my son. We were rushed to Children's in Minneapolis were he was confirmed with Leukemia with a white blood count of 235,000. Normal range is 5-10,000. To make a very long story shorter. He was hooked up to IV's and a couple of surgeries to place a permenant port in his chest(to receive the chemo and meds). He began his chemo and was released from the hospital on the 22nd. His leukemia is to the best of the Dr's knowledge ALL and AML. I will not give you a cell lesson right now. But if everything goes well his treatment will be 3 years and two months.
Today was our first whole day home. Which was very difficult, the adrenaline from being in the hospital wore off and the reality of this situation is getting more intense. Noah wants to be done with it all and return to life as it was. How do you tella 6 year old life will never be as it was. Such a new perspective for a child. How do I rationalize in my own mind as a father to permit the chemo that is so deadly into my son's life. I know the reality of it but it does not make sense. I am a pastor, I'm supposed to have this figured out and to be able to give the right answers, I have no answers. My son is sick with a deadly disease that I can't remove him from or protect him from. I can only stand by him as he endures this horrible time.
Our many thanks to our family and friends who have helped in all their own ways. The prayers are the biggest. I might not have the answers but God does. I know God is our strength and source of peace. I know God says He will not give us what we can not handle but right now it 'feels' like more than we can. Please pray for God's peace among our family, for Noah's strength and blood, for the baby which is due anyday, for Heidi (I have no words to express the heaviness of our hearts).
Our thank yous to the many churches praying on His behalf.
May God find us all in the desires of His heart.
With Love,
Jason and Heidi
Monday, December 23, 2002 at 11:17 PM (CST)
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