Maddie Paguyo

Welcome to Maddie's Web Page. Maddie was diagnosed with a brain tumor (diffuse intrinsic pontine glioma) Monday April 28th, 2003 and died on May 6, 2004.

Thank you so much to everyone who has visited this site and sent their wishes and great thoughts our way! We could never have imagined how wonderful our family and friends have been- the love that you have shared has truly provided so much strength. We hope you keep re-visiting the site and keep sending those messages.

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I have decided to share a very special letter Maddie wrote to me the week she was diagnosed. It was found quite by accident, and I chose not to tell her I had found it until shortly before she died. That was almost impossible for me to do, because it is so beautiful. I am sharing it today because so many of my dear friends have lost their children this past year. While this message was written by Maddie to me, I believe that these other children felt similarly, and were either too young or unable to write their feelings- so I share this with you, my friends whose children have died, as a vehicle for them to communicate their love for you.


I can't even begin to express my love for you. It is so great, so big. A lifetime of love, just like my love for my sisters and Keegan. If I began to describe it, it would go on and on around this world and throughout the universe. I love you so much and I couldn't have grown without you. Know that, always know that.

Everyone has a time to come and go. My time to come was on a cold morning on January 16, 1990. That was the day you gave me life, that I began this journey called Life. Sadly, today is my day to go. And know that I am in peace. You couldn't have done anything different to change the fact of it. You did everything the best mother could do. Never, ever forget that. I am in a place where I can relax now.

Mom, you gave me life fourteen years ago. Never once have you stopped loving me or supporting me in that time. When many could have let go, you were there, strong at my side. You are the sunshine of every one of my days. Know that wherever life takes us, you will never stop shining, on me or with me.

As you and I understand, we are best friends. Of course, we can tell each other anything two friends could say, or any secret. I want you to know my biggest secret is how fast this has come upon me. You already know this of course, so you know most things about me. Know that I have not left you with a single secret about myself. Know that you know every single thing there is to know about Madeline Taylor Paguyo. Know this.

I cannot begin to thank you for this life. If I were to start, it would go on just as my love for you. I could never stop thanking you. Wherever you are to go, know how deeply appreciated you are. Know how much you are thanked for your deeds of kindness. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Mom, after all the requests and needs I've had to have, I have one additional one. I need you to move on. Cry as much as you want today, but you have no idea how strong and bold you have to be tomorrow. It would be silly to shed another tear on me. I am waiting for you. I will always be with you- just as you have with me. I will never leave your side. You can be strong for Ashley, and Charlotte, and Keegan though. I know you. I know all the events you have moved on from in your life, and I know you can move on from this. I love you.





Tami, Jeremy, Melanie, Gary, Lorri, Russ, Susan, Mark, Aleta, Karla, Bruce, Jan, Hank, Kim, Steve, Lorraine, Judy, Jarrod... and all who have children who have died- I pray you find comfort in these words, and in the knowledge that you do not walk this road alone. We are all holding each other's hands, offering the love, support and compassion that only someone who has gone through this can completely grasp. I truly hope my list of names grows no longer.

You can do anything you want to do.
Pray, believe, have faith,
visualize, dream, trust
and work your ass off.
-Maddie

Journal

Monday, May 6, 2019 12:44 AM CDT

May 6, 2004-May 6, 2019

15 years. Sometimes it feels like 15 hours - sometimes like 15 months - sometimes like 150 years… and there are moments when it feels like time has stood still and has marched forward at lightning speed SIMULTANEOUSLY.

As many of you know, Maddie walks along side of me every day of my life. I speak of and to her with ease and I see her vividly in my mind’s eye - her soulful eyes and mischievous grin. I feel her presence and know that she has a hand in our daily lives.

Today marks 15 years since my angel took heavenly flight. To quote Nora McInerny, “We don’t “move on” from grief. We move forward with it.” I’ve written and spoken about this many times over the past 15 years. I say that my grief holds hands with my many other emotions- it’s impossible for me to get over or move on from my grief, but thankfully I move forward and continue to experience so many incredible things with my children, grandchildren, family and friends- and through our unbreakable bond, Maddie is with me.

Get out and honor Madeline Taylor Paguyo today by spreading kindness and joy with all the zest you can muster - that’s how she did it!

#maddiesaok

Hospital Information:

Patient Room: Heaven! Home address: 4441 Colfax Ave. S. Mpls., MN. 55419

Children's Hospital
2525 Chicago Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55404
612-813-5940

Links:

E-mail Author: madelinepaguyo@yahoo.com

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