SOMEDAY, I WILL AGAIN BE ABLE TO HUG YOU AND TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU - UNTIL THEN, GOD WILL HAVE TO DO IT FOR ME!!!

FOR GOD SO LOVED THE WORLD THAT HE GAVE IS ONLY SON, THAT WHOEVER BELIEVES IN HIM SHOULD NOT PERISH, BUT HAVE ETERNAL LIFE! John 3:16

PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS WEBSITE -
www.cncf-childcancer.org and click on "Lunch for Life"! TAKE THE LUNCH FOR LIFE CHALLENGE, AND INVITE YOUR FRIENDS TO DO SO, ALSO!
YOU CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!!!!

Journal

Friday, March 27, 2009 3:51 PM CDT

It has been quite awhile since I have added a new journal to Jessica's caringbridge page. It used to be an place to pour my heart out to - like a cleansing of sorts. However, there have been times in the last couple of years that I did not believe that anything could cleanse the pain from my soul. And in the end, I guess I now know that this is the sorrow that I will live with for the rest of my years. It is not that there is no happiness in life anymore, it is just different. There are many what if's. Last June, Jessica would have graduated from High School, I am sure with honors. She would have gone to prom her Senior year, she would have gone off to college this fall. The plans of what she might have wanted to major in, the search for colleges, her 18th birthday. How beautiful she would be today! So many things we have missed in these years and will never have the chance to experience. Do I feel cheated??? Hell, yes!

We have tried to find other ways to help other families dealing with cancer. We opened our hobby farm up to families that would like a day out to experience horseback riding and kittens. However, it kind of hit me hard to find out that one of the girls who had come out, whose smile reminded me so much of Jessica's - did not make it. Her cancer returned. We will again start up our horseback riding experience, but I have to find a way to cope with it all. Maybe it was still too fresh of a wound before ... who knows. Maybe it will always be a fresh open wound.

One way or another we all must find our ways through the darkness in this world. As for me, I am still struggling with it and in it. It is like going through a very wooded forest with a blindfold on.

Links:

E-mail Author: tljjjnielsen@netzero.net

---

 

Your gift will help millions of people stay connected with friends and loved ones during challenging times.

---

 

This page has been viewed 28860 times.

Note: The foregoing information was authored by the patient, parent or guardian, or other parties who are solely responsible for the content. Such announcements or their content are not necessarily endorsed by CaringBridge, Inc. or any sponsoring agent.  This information does not confirm that anyone is or was actually a patient at any facility.