History

Wednesday, October 5, 2005 11:14 PM CDT

Greetings. The history section shows Jack's journey from his cancer diagnosis up to his death, a journey worth reading.

I have also started a separate website. It is Lindabergh.org
My apologies, I said it was Lindabergh.com in an earlier entry. So please note, it is Lindabergh.org

I share more on that website about Jack's last days, and about our choice of having a three day vigil in our home.
There is also information about local and national resources.

I always look forward to hearing from you. You can e mail me. My current e mail is lindabergh@aol.com, although that will be changing soon.

Friday, September 2, 2005 9:09 AM CDT

The new website on Jack's Journey and on more information about living with cancer, conscious dying, after death home care, and other topics WILL OPEN SEPTEMBER 6,2005.

PURPOSE AND MISSION OF NEW WEBSITE LindaBergh.com
"We would like to share our journey of conscious living and dying in the hopes that it can give people more permission to find their own pathway during life’s challenging transitions.

Our journey is not saying the way death “should be,” for each life and death is so unique and special. We simply wish to share the teachings for us and how the journey touched people’s lives and made us all more accessible to listening and being open.

We also wish to share the resources, both national and local, that were helpful to us during these times, and to open conversations with a wider circle of those on a conscious path of living and dying. "

We thank you for your interest, and look forward to serving you. If you wish to comment on the Utne article, the Caring Bridge Journey, or the new website, send message to Lindabergh@aol.com and I will put it in the guestbook on the new website. You are also welcome to comment here in the guestbook.
Linda Bergh

Friday, September 2, 2005 8:51 AM CDT

Greetings: The website LindaBergh.com will open on Tuesday September 6,2005. It will include resources on conscious living and dying,living with cancer, after death home care, waldorf education, ethical wills, and more.

PURPOSE AND MISSION OF LindaBergh.com WEBSITE

As spiritual seekers on the path of discovery, we would like to share our journey of conscious living and dying in the hopes that it can give people more permission to find their own pathway during life’s challenging transitions.

Our journey is not saying the way death “should be,” for each life and death is so unique and special. We simply wish to share the teachings for us and how the journey touched people’s lives and made us all more accessible to listening and being open.

We also wish to share the resources, both national and local, that were helpful to us during these times, and to open conversations with a wider circle of those on a conscious path of living and dying.

If you wish to comment on the Utne Article, or on reading caring bridge journal of Jack's, you may do so here, or you e mail me at Lindabergh@aol.com and I will place your comments in the guestbook at the new website LindaBergh.com

Thank you for your interest and we are here to be of service. Linda Bergh

Saturday, August 20, 2005 1:52 PM CDT

Jack Heckelman died peacefully at home in Minneapolis on April 24, 2005 after an eight month journey with advanced lung cancer. The history section of this website tells our story. It also has an entry from today telling of the development of a new website www.LindaBergh.com opening September 1,2005 in response to potential interest from readers of the Utne magazine September issue which has an article "To Live With No Regrets" by Nina Utne. I am deeply moved that our journey of Jack's conscious dying and our choice of after death home care is being shared with a larger audience.
Thank you for your interest in new ways of looking at conscious living and dying. With gratitude and joy for Jack being in my life.
Jack's wife Linda Bergh

Links and resources regarding conscious dying and after death care at home will be available on new website www.LindaBergh.com as of September 1,2005.

Saturday, August 20, 2005 1:45 PM CDT

After an eight month journey with advanced lung cancer, Jack Died peacefully at home on April 24th. The history section of this website tells that story.

Saturday, August 20, 2005 1:29 PM CDT

When Nina Utne approached me about writing Jack's story for the Utne Reader, I was deeply moved that our journey of his conscious dying and our choice of after death home care would be shared with a larger audience.

FOR MORE INFORMATION, I HAVE ESTABLISHED A PERSONAL WEBSITE: www.LindaBergh.com. opening September 1, 2005. PLEASE GO THERE FOR MORE ON OUR LIFE WITH CANCER, CONSCIOUS DYING, HOME CARE AFTER DEATH CARE, RESOURCES AND OTHER LINKS, AND MORE PERSONAL REFLECTIONS FROM ME ABOUT JACK'S PROCESS OF LIVING AND DYING. Information also available on Kirsten Bergh's poetry book SHE WOULD DRAW FLOWERS. You may also contact me at my e mail address: Lindabergh@aol.com. I wish to be of service in helping people with one of the most important and challenging transitions of our lives.

THIS WEBSITE ON CARING BRIDGE ALLOWED US TO SHARE OUR JOURNEY WITH FRIENDS AROUND THE WORLD. At that point, our journey became a public one. You are most welcome to read both our entries here (best to start from the beginning - please note it gets more personal starting October 14th.)
You are in the history section of the website. YOU CAN ALSO READ FRIENDS' RESPONSES TO OUR JOURNEY: CLICK BACK TO HOME PAGE AND CLICK ON "Guestbook") The home page also includes a picture of Jack and I two weeks before he died and some links to resources about conscious dying and alternative death care.
Before Jack died, he was videotaped sharing his ETHICAL WILL.It is a remarkably luminous moment,one month before he died, when he lovingly shared his vision; beloved by friends and family,it is moving for anyone to experience (38 min). Now available on CD: see LindaBergh.com website regarding ordering or email Lindabergh@aol.com.

Thank you in advance for your interest in new ways of looking at conscious living and dying. With gratitude and joy for Jack being in my life. Linda Bergh

Thursday, May 5, 2005 4:49 PM CDT

I will soon write an entry about the three day vigil after Jack's crossing. I want to thank everyone for their kind and loving words and for all the love surrounding this passage. Here is the the specific information on all of the memorial-celebration events. If you have any questions, please e mail or call me. With great love Linda

INFORMATION ON THE LIFE CELEBRATIONS FOR JACK HECKELMAN

Celebration of the Life of Jack Heckelman - Twin Cities May 21st

We celebrate the life of an elder in our community. Jack was inspiring to friends of all ages. Please join us in saying goodbye to Jack, and honoring his life on earth.
The service in the Twin Cities will be on Saturday May 21st , 11:00 AM at Jack's beloved church, the First Universalist Church in Minneapolis. (It is located near Lake Calhoun at 3400 DuPont Street on the corner of DuPont and 34th Street). The service will be followed by a potluck lunch to which all are invited. We ask local friends and family to bring a serving for 10-12 to help provide for the out of town guests. The church will provide coffee and tea. During the social time we will have a slide show and a video of his life and his ethical will. For more specific directions, call the church at 612 825 1701 or use Mapquest. Reverend Kate Tucker will be officiating.
If you are coming, and need a ride from the airport, please let Linda know at 612 927 0894 or Lindabergh@aol.com

Celebration of the Life of Jack Heckelman in Chicago, June 18th
At the Unitarian Church in Chicago where Jack was a member for 10 years.

A note from Gene Atkin about that service:
A group of us have decided to have a small "unofficial" lay-led Memorial
Service for Jack Heckelman on Saturday, June 18 at 11 am in our
sanctuary. We'll have a potluck lunch afterward in Kreves Hall. Please
bring a "little something." We've reserved Kreves Hall for the hour
before the service so we can set up tables, etc.
We'll plan to use the same readings and hymns as are planned for services
at the Minneapolis and Philadelphia services, and provide those attending
who wish to do so an opportunity to express memories of Jack or thoughts
of what his life and work meant to them.
We think about 50 members of our church will remember Jack, who was a
member of DUUC in 1981-89.

If you to contact Gene or others active in this celebration of Jack's life - here are the e mail addresses: Gene Atkin:genea2@juno.com, Ed Clark EdTClark@sbcglobal.net, Charlie and Tony ReyCharlieRey@comcast.net, ToniRey@comcast.net

Celebration of the Life of Jack Heckelman in Philadelphia, June 25th
Friends and family of Jack from the East coast are warmly invited to join immediate family for an East Coast Memorial Service in Philadelphia. It will be held on Saturday, June 25th at 11 AM at Jack's beloved church for many years - the Unitarian Society of Germantown, located at 6511 Lincoln Drive, Philadelphia, PA 19119 (Voice Mail). Rev. Libby Smith, who knew Jack through the Bucksmount Unitarian Church, will be officiating at the Celebration. Many of the songs and sharing will be duplicated from the service in Minneapolis, based on Jack's wishes. The service will be followed by a small reception and a chance to see a slide show of Jack's life and a video of his ethical will.

Parking and Direction information:
(Parking in rear of church on Johnson Street between Wayne Avenue and Greene Street) Phone contact: (215) 844 1158 (215) 844 1157 voice mail
FROM WASHINGTON AND POINTS SOUTH: Take I-95 North to Philadelphia. Follow signs for I-676 (Exit 17). Take I-676 to I-76 West (towards Valley Forge). Take I-76 West to Exit 340A for (Lincoln Drive) Follow Lincoln Drive. Turn right to Johnson Street, which is the third traffic light. Go up Johnson street and across next light (Wayne Avenue) Look for open driveway and USG sign on the left. Turn left into driveway and go all the way down to large open parking lot, which is the rear of the church.

FROM NEW JERSEY AND POINTS EAST: Cross Benjamin Franklin Bridge. Follow signs for I-676 West. Take I-676 to I-76 West (towards Valley Forge) Take I-76 West to Exit 340A for Lincoln Drive. (This exit is on the LEFT) Follow Lincoln Drive as described above in bold.

FROM NEW YORK AND NORTH JERSEY: Take New Jersey Turnpike to Pennsylvania Turnpike (I-276) (Exit 6) Take PA Turnpike west to I-476 South (Exit 25A to Philadelphia and Chester). Take I-476 South to I-76 East to Philadelphia (Exit 6). Take I-76 West to Exit 340A for Lincoln Drive. (This exit is on the LEFT) Follow Lincoln Drive as described above in bold.

FROM NORTHERN AND WESTERN PENNSYLVANIA: From North: Take Northeastern extension of Pennsylvania Turnpike (Ii-476) straight down, through toll plaza, to Exit 6 (I-76 East). Take I-76 East to Exit 340A, Lincoln Drive (this exit is on the LEFT) Take Lincoln Drive as described above in bold.

FROM EAST-GERMANTOWN / MT. AIRY: Take Johnson Street and travel towards Lincoln Drive. Go across Greene Street. Go over small bridge and immediately look for driveway to your right. Make right into driveway at USG sign and go all the way down to large open parking lot, which is the rear of the church.

Celebration in California in July
All those who will be attending the Heckelman-Poer-Segni Family and Friends Reunion in California this summer with celebrating Jack's life - So Jack, that your celebration from coast to coast, just like always. Your life, lived fully, will be celebrated fully by those who love you.

Thursday, May 5, 2005 4:49 PM CDT

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Greetings,

Jack Heckleman passed peacefully around 6:00 a.m. this morning. (4/24/05)

A three day vigil is being planned and will begin at 2:00 p.m. today, Sunday, and end Wednesday morning 6am. You may visit any time at 4315 Xerxes Ave. S. in Minneapolis.

People who wish to sit with Jack to participate in the vigil may call Kim @ 651-482-7699. Participating in the vigil is sitting quietly with the body, reading scripture, offering songs or poetry or meditation, or any other gifts you want to offer to help him transition.

A Celebration of Jack’s life will be in May in Minneapolis and in June in Philadelphia.

We know Jack is smiling down on us from above. We are thankful for your love and blessings through this transition.

Love to you always,

Linda

Thursday, April 14, 2005 5:21 PM CDT

Written by Jack on April 9th: REFLECTIONS ON TIME OFF IN MEXICO
We’re back from our trip to Mexico! When I’m asked how was it – wonderful, and how am I feeling – better than expected! The predicted fatigue after 17 radiations of the brain did cause a little decline in energy, but nowhere near as much as expected. Having wheelchair support in airports made the flights do-able.

Our two weeks in Ajijic, Mexico, with dearest friends Larry and Carol and Edie went exceptionally well. We left snow here and enjoyed the sunshine, flowers, sunrises by the lake, good restaurant meals in beautiful lakeside gardens. Ajijic is a cultural center so we enjoyed plays, concerts, ancient dance, as well as art galleries, farmer’s market, all in small pieces that my energy and mobility allowed.

The one task I undertook, and essentially completed, was the dictation of the final parts of my memoirs. It is different than I would have written a year ago, as I seem to have a wider perspective, writing with more feeling and reflection than before. I also had the thought of actually retiring – and am exploring that feeling.

Most important of all were the deep and meaningful discussions with friends of my journey of living into dying, and how best to proceed on my physical and spiritual path. Linda and I have such caring, insightful and loving support. We all learned more about care-giving from being in a small microcosm of support, open to sharing and facing these issues.

From Linda: MEXICO AND NOW _ ONE WEEK LATER April 14, 2005
In Ajijic we had a wonderful time away from appointments, phones, lists, and work – a true vacation.Life was simple. Jack was experiencing some loss of balance, shortness of breath, and fatigue, but was also gaining strength from doing pool workouts. Jack wrote upon our return: “As you can sense, I feel, if I can keep at about this level, that I am in a good place, and that I have a little time to go. Maybe I can beat that prognosis after all.”

Working to bring back some of that “manyana” time sense into our lists and tasks here in Minnesota has been challenging. I came back to full time work, we came back to many doctors’ appointments, the last three of 20 brain radiations, and the process of entering hospice. And Jack had some serious symptoms of breathlessness and fatigue. (From walking ½ mile last Thursday to not being able to go around the block on this Tuesday.) We had yet another removal of fluid (700 CC)from his lung lining just yesterday. Today he is resting and recuperating. Each day we need to be alert to what is needed. We will now have services from Hospice, and from his long term care so that he can continue to live as fully as possible with support. He wants to continue going to the pool, going to church, and seeing friends, as well aswork toward completion of some of projects.

A word about being a care-giver. First, I am so grateful for the variety of services available to him and us, and to our friends, who built a wheelchair ramp (in case) for us while we were gone, and continue to bring meals and support us in many ways. And for everyone’s prayers and thoughts. I am learning to verbalize to Jack about my and other’s caregiving so that he can understand what is being given, and therefore continue to be a part of the communication link. Also, I find that when I am able to state my needs, I feel more joyfully engaged in the process, and not fatigued by it. We are both on a steep learning curve, standing between the realities of meeting changing physical needs and the positive love of living each day fully. Every Wednesday evening we are opening our home for music. It is lovely.

In the next month, we will have a medical re-evaluation, and decide whether to have further treatment. We will also assess if further trips are feasible. Jack would like to see the East Coast and friends and family there in May, and even dreams of being able to attend the Heckelman family reunion in California in July. Everything, of course, will depend on Jack’s level of physical functioning. Meanwhile we are here. Visits are always welcome. Sister Holly arrives tomorrow,April 15 for a week; a Mpls friend Anna, who is in college, is coming home this weekend to see us, nephew Tag will visit for a day next week, and daughter Barbara is arranging for a visit in mid May.

Meanwhile we send all our love to you, and are so very grateful for your continuing love and support
Jack and Linda

Sunday, March 20, 2005 6:26 PM CST

Good news! The doctor has given us the green light for our two week trip to Mexico, to visit dear friends Larry and Carol in Ajijik, east of Guadalajara. So we leave tomorrow, Monday the 21st, for the land of sunshine and flowers. What a gift to our spirits and souls.

These past two weeks I’ve answered the “how are you” question with “better than expected.” I’ll finish my 17th brain radiation on Monday, (three more after my return) with very few side effects so far. A little more fatigue (more to be expected they tell me), only a little hair loss, and continued feeling of good energy and functional effectiveness. A little more weakness, especially in my legs. Practically all the mild pain from the rib is gone after that radiation.

But the real news is how much we have accomplished this week with the visit of my sister Nancy, who brings not only her love, her pack of family history including dozens of my old letters written during my Stanford and Navy days, and all sorts of memorabilia from my childhood, her experience with “Living into Dying” (the title of her book) and her expertise in memoir writing. We have written and finished not only a summary memoir but also an “ethical will” to pass on the guiding principles and values of my life. It will be distributed at my memorial service.

I’ve also finished, with a good videographer friend, taping a video of my life for my family and friends. Linda and son Charles have finished revising our wills and all our financial estate affairs. Quite a remarkable week! I feel such relief that some of these big projects on my “to do” list can be crossed off the list.

Most importantly, I have fully entered into a conscious spiritual journey from living into dying. I feel my spirit soul is coming ever closer, to bring me home to the next phase of my journey, and I am feeling a greater sense of being in the right place at the right time. I am not afraid of dying, but looking forward to what comes beyond.

So I’m feeling good physically, emotionally , and spiritually. Each day brings more gratitude and joy. Thank you all again for those prayers and thoughts you have been sending my way. I love you each, more each day, and they help make each day special and precious.

Love,

Jack (and Linda)

Thursday, March 3, 2005 9:38 PM CST

FROM JACK:
Our lives changed significantly again last week when we discovered that the lung cancer had invaded my brain. My talking, writing, walking, coordination, swimming were temporarily impaired, but fortunately a steroid pill decadron reduced the brain swelling and most functionality is returning. I won't be driving due to risk of seizures. An MRI on Feb 24 revealed multiple brain lesions, for which we have just started radiation treatments, which will be daily for 4 weeks. I’m also getting radiation on a right rib which was partially destroyed, and I am taking a medicine Zometa to help rebuild it.

Our oncologist has said that brain involvement could mean I have only 3 to six months to live, and that my functionality may decline, so I should treasure the good days. He recommended I enroll in a hospice program. This new development has made me more aware that I have not only a life-threatening disease, though I continue to try to live a disease-threatening life, but I have a potentially life-limiting condition, so I need to carefully plan and follow the priorities for my living hours.

This is a hard time for me, as I’m, at last, facing up to the pressures of limited time, energy and declining functionality. I’m grieving about leaving Linda, about not seeing the grandchildren grow up as much as I had hoped, of less living, but am moving toward acceptance of it’s being enough. So we proceed each day with dedication and hope, and find the joy that it brings.

The family is rallying around wonderfully. Linda is being a constant caregiver. Charles is arriving Friday March 4, to bring love and help with estate financial matters. Sister Nancy arrives March 9 to bring love and help with my memoirs. Sister Holly will come in April to bring her love and special talents to help with my 75,000 slides. Barbara will come as soon as we can arrange a date.

FROM LINDA:
This last week was similar to the level of shock of the first diagnosis of cancer. From it we are facing the future with new levels of awareness. This includes what we need to have in order for Jack to feel more complete about projects like his memoirs; clarity about what needs to be handled so he doesn't have to care for business things any more; support for him to be independent and mobile as much and as long as possible; and friendship and support around him at every level from conversation and food to music to spiritual discussions about life and death.

In all of these areas it is terribly challenging to give up all the things he is used to doing, and Jack is handling this transition with a lot of grace and occasional confusion and sadness. It is definitely stretching our relationship as we figure out where care-giving is needed, and how we make decisions we should make together. We are both pretty feisty, and pretty vulnerable at the moment, so we move from laughter to outbursts to equanimity at quite rapid rates.

Our local community is showing up big time. The Universalist Church is bringing meals and providing rides, and someone is even going to be doing walking in the pool with Jack. Our friends are going to build a ramp for a wheelchair for when we need it, and met with us to help us think through all levels of care. Meals and companionship and phone calls are coming in.

If you are local, and would like to help with meals or rides, please e mail Kim Pilgrim who is organizing this at the moment : tkpilgrim@peoplepc.com
JACK WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU, SO DO NOT HESITATE TO CALL. We welcome visitors: Call us at 612 927 0894.

IF YOU WANT TO POST A NOTE IN THE GUESTBOOK, WE WOULD WELCOME IT. Jack is no longer using his e mail, so send anything personal to Linda's e mail Lindabergh@aol.com

Keeping communications open with friends is a high priority. We so appreciate the connection we have with each one of you. Linda and Jack

We would like to share a verse with you that has been helpful for us in these times:

We must eradicate from the soul all fear and terror of what comes out of the future.
We must acquire serenity in all feelings and sensations about the future.
We must look forward with absolute equanimity to everything that may come, and we must think only that whatever comes is givent to us by a world direction full of wisdom.
It is part of what we must learn in this age, namely to life in pure trust without any security in existence, trusting in the ever-present help of the spiritual world.
Truly, nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail us.
Let us discipline our will, and let us seek the awakening within ourselves every morning and every evening.
Rudolf Steiner 1919

Monday, February 7, 2005 9:30 AM CST

I passed two milestones this last week, each celebrated appropriately. On Monday, January 31 I became 82 years old, and continue to be very grateful that I am still here, and enjoying life. As I revise my address book I reflect on how many of my contemporaries have passed on, so it is good to be able to write this in person. The second milestone was my last chemo-therapy treatment on Tuesday. This completed the sixth round, which is all that the oncologists recommend without reaching the limit of diminishing returns. Again I am grateful that it again has had minimal side effects, though I’ve gone through some serious low-energy periods, and had several bouts of diarrhea. The low-energy days are frustrating since I do not get much done, since I have high expections of productivity.

Now my medical future needs some further definition, which leads to some anxiety. A CT scan was done on Friday, Feb. 4, to tell us the status of the cancer tumor. We do not think that the cancer is “cured” but we may have reached the limits that conventional medicine can do for the basic cancer. Now we need to continue to put our faith in our alternative healing approaches.

We already know of the cancer metatastasis into the right poterior 10th rib, and are starting discussions with the oncologist on Tuesday as to whether focused radiation would be beneficial. If so, it could involve three weeks of daily radiation. We’re also embarking on a post-chemo diet, with stronger anti-cancer elements, including fresh juices. We’re also continuing our other complimentary activities, including Iscador, energy treatments, breathing exercises, many supplements. Will let you know on the next update.

Good news from our trip to California Jan 19-24, during which we enjoyed visits with Barbara and Dom with an early celebration of grandson Joshua’s tenth birthday. We also had a visit with sister Holly, and with friends Barbara McClintock and Jean & Ross Walker. It was wonderful to see the sunshine and lovely green of southern California spring, in contrast to our Minneapolis snow and sub-freezing temperatures, though this last week has moderated with a spring thaw..

We’ve also now decided definitely on our trip to Mexico to visit with good friends Larry and Carol, leaving March 21 and returning April 5. It is great not to have to schedule around chemo treatments.

Again we solicit your ideas and help on putting our updated photos on this site if you have better browsers than we have with aol.

Our best wishes to each of you, and apreciation for the inspiration of your updates on the guestbook.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005 1:47 PM CST

Greetings for the new year. Several new developments, some good, some not so good.
We are generally doing very well, optimistic, and looking forward to our trip to visit family in southern California on January 19, returning on January 24. We’re even planning more extensive trips (possibly internationally) after finishing these rounds of chemo by mid-February.

The cancer metatasis to the right posterior10th rib x-ray showed some bone destruction, which has been modestly painful, but is controllable with Ibuprofin and so far does not restrict my activities significantly. Also with our fifth round of chemo, which started on January 4, the fatigue seems to have been cumulative, so I’ve had several low energy weeks. Otherwise I continue to be so grateful that no other side effects seem to have materialized. I also pulled a groin muscle some time ago, and have to be very careful not to strain it further.

It has been hard to deal with the lower energy, and the frustration that comes with unfulfilled expectations on my priority tasks. I’m also trying to keep connected (on a reduced scale) with the world, with my work on the Earth Charter, eco-spirituality, concerns for global climate change, and social justice. We’re constantly working for better balance in our lives, for joy, equanimity, compassion and love, as our readings of Thict Nhat Hanh lead us to seek.

Mayo Clinic is researching alternative and complimentary treatments, in a so far minor way, and we managed to get in on one small study. On January 3 we went to Rochester and met with a very interesting woman, an energy healer, and shaman, who has contracted with them to provide lifestyle counseling and energy treatments which were well worth the trip. She also helped me deal with some of the fear I was feeling about the pain, and the possibility of significant reduction in activity. We may have continuing contacts with her since the study is completed.

We’ve been trying unsucessfully (from our aol browser) to post several updated pictures on this site, so if any of you are good at this we’ll e-mail the pictures and ask you to post them. Linda and I had a lovely walk yesterday in the snow, and are grateful we can continue to do all we can do.

Hope all is well with each of you, and we send best wishes for the coming months and year. We grieve for the victims of the tsunami, and of the war in Iraq, and hope the suffering of the living can be alleviated during the coming months.

Saturday, December 18, 2004 11:04 AM CST

As we approach Christmas, and the holy nights, we bring you greetings and gratitude for all this past year has brought, even including the cancer which has brought us closer together. I am healing, and look forward to the New Year with hope.

I am just completing my fourth round of chemo-therapy, and continue to have minimal side effects. Fatigue and lower blood counts are the main ones. CT scans show considerable reduction in the size of the main tumor in the left lung, with no additional spreading, which is great news! One disturbing cancer symptom has just showed up, with some minimal bone “destruction” with slight pain in one rib. Need to discuss more with doctors.

In the meantime I’ve felt well enough to travel to the east coast for 5 days with son Charles family and our three grandchildren. It was a wonderful sharing time with them. We’ll have a quiet Christmas here, spending Christmas eve and day with Linda’s godchildren and soul families. Then a few days up north at Lake Superior with our friends Patrick and Diana Obrien. We plan a trip to California in late January for a visit to daughter Barbara and family, and are thinking about more trips after the chemo is finished in early February..

So thanks again to all of you for your thoughts and prayers, and messages of encouragement. Please continue. May your holidays be full and meaningful for you and your families. Love to you all. Jack and Linda

Wednesday, December 1, 2004

Quick Medical Update: We have some good news. On the latest CT scan our oncologist and the radiologist could see no direct evidence of the tumor which was so prominent in August!!. It could possibly be partially concealed. And there was no significant change elsewhere, which means no growth of cancer - a significant finding.. We are cautiously optimistic, and feel that the chemo-therapy (and other healings) seem to be working. Our oncologist will check again with our Mayo oncologist, but we’ll plan to continue treatments December 8 after we return from our New Jersey trip to visit our grandchildren. .Jack and Linda

Sunday November 28,2004

Dear Friends:

This is the weekend of the time of Kirsten's passing - now eight years ago, November 29th, 1996 - and a time of reflection and remembering. Jack and I had a quiet retreat to replenish ourselves and open ourselves during these days. I wanted to share some thoughts that came out of that quiet.
When Kirsten died, I experienced the love and support of community - all across the land - and that experience was felt in my body as love and light holding me at a time of unbearable loss. Community held me as I healed, through prayer and all the practical aspects of living. Then I became strong, and began to give back. And Jack entered my life, and the community celebrated our joy, and Jack began to weave his connection to my "family" as I wove mine to his. And both of us also developed new friendships through our work in the world.
This summer, when we received the diagnosis of Jack's cancer, support began to overflow our hearts from the galaxies of both of our networks, now merging into one. We are so grateful for the loving thought and actions of each person in our universe. But this is preliminary to the thought I am struggling to find the words to share:
I experience that no one is going away. One by one, members of our community are showing up. They are showing concern and love, willingness to ask difficult questions, and do practical thing.
I experience that Jack's receptivity, and mine, is a gift to the community. That having cancer, one could choose to pull or push away, to isolate, to not want focus, to feel that receiving will lessen one's independence. But to be willing to speak about death, to look at the end of life with aspirations of what one wishes to complete, to be open to feeling one's body and pain also open's one to feel love and joy - this is how I and others experience Jack. He is able to receive the giving people offer, and people express gratitude for that.
I experience that Jack and I have a responsibility not only to ourselves, but to our community. That how we live our lives with cancer matters. That meeting this time of life with open attention keeps open our relation with this loving community. That being able to speak my heart to friends and family gives me strength to meet each day more fully, and to bring the fullness of this life to all I love and know. That living all of life consciously within community opens that possibility of a new path for every member of the community.
I am wondering if we are not now living out the deep gift brought in the dark night of the passing of Kirsten and Nina. That gift is that love is stronger than loss. That gift is that there is no loss, only change. That gift is that walking with the grief, fear and confusion as well as the joy is walking with the incomprehensible gift of a full life. That gift is that we are all one - that community is not separate from me or you. Community matters, for it can support us during difficult times and give us all more strength, meaning, love, and joy.
I could not have these thoughts without all of you in my community. And so I thank each of you for the unseen and seen support you bring. I thank those on the other side for their constancy of love. May we hold this through all time.

With great humility and gratitude Linda

Thanksgiving Day, 2004. A day for reflection, for acceptance, for gratitude. I’d like to share some thoughts about how I am feeling, building on those I shared with that wonderful gathering of friends and family a week ago Sunday (see the last journal for details).

Gratitude. I am so grateful for the love and caring that each of you, near and far, have been sending ever since my diagnosis of cancer, and for the continuing flow of prayers and energy you are sending.

I am so grateful that my chemo treatments have been going as well as they have, with absolutely minimal side-effects. I still have reasonable energy, have a good appetite, no nausea, still have what hair I had before. Yes, my blood cell counts go down, and need to be rejuvenated, but they bounce back. Very importantly, I have no pain. My body is restoring itself.

And I even can feel gratitude for the cancer itself - that it has brought heightened awareness of the preciousness of each day, that it has brought us all closer together, that it has given me the ability to receive more graciously, and helps me to see the important things in life more clearly. Each day is better than it would have been without the cancer.

So I (we) send you our love, our greetings, our gratitude, our hopes for your having a wonderful Thanksgiving day. We’re having a brief retreat together at a friend’s condo nearby, with time for a hot tub and reflection, and enjoying a Thanksgiving buffet at a special restaurant. We feel so blessed to have each other and be together.

Jack (and Linda)

Thursday, November 18, 2004 12:54 AM CST

We had an incredible, possibly once in a lifetime, experience on Sunday evening Nov.14th. We gathered for three hours at the Lake Harriet Spiritual Community Center for a sharing and healing community of music, singing, poetry, support, and dance. Over 70 friends and family were there. Twenty friends brought professional talent and heartfelt tributes ranging from a harp solo by a Juliard graduate and violin duets to poetry and healing words. Several people referred to my dedication to healing the earth and work with the Earth Charter.
It is hard to single out highlights, but I'll try. Jim Kellerman played Amazing Grace on the saxophone and then brought out his flute. Asking me for my favorite note (F) he asked everyone to sing that note as he improvised, accompanied by piano and harp, to send healing energy into my body. So beautiful, I felt filled to overflowing.
Another highlight was a hilarious but deeply touching skit by Jason, an upcoming young actor friend. He impersonated me with two grandchildren climbing Mount Everest, pausing to fly to the Amazon to save the rainforest, and then returning to the climb. The view at the top was promised to be beautiful, which so touched my mission of leaving a message of transformation and hope for the world.
Linda and I each sang a love song to the other. She sang The Rose to me, I sang the September Song (these precious days I'll spend with you) to her. I spoke briefly, reflecting on the words in which I have found meaning: healing, love, gratitude, and hope.
We realized at the end that this gathering was not only for the two of us, but was truly a healing experience for the entire community. We all left inspired, filled, and nurtured, having been part of a new ritual in our lives
Jack
Medical Update
Jack had a CT scan last week, and we reviewed it with the oncologist yesterday. It appears that there is no more cancer than in August. In the lower left lung more fluid has accumulated in the pleura (sac around lung) and this obscured seeing where the original mass was seen in August. So the plan is to have the liquid drained this Friday, another CT scan directly after, so that we can see more clearly what that portion of the lung looks like. That draining should help Jack's cough, which has increased recently, and make breathing easier.
Jack has begun his third round of chemo treatment, and will finish that next week if his blood count is high enough. The doctor is very encouraged by Jack's physical condition. He has had no side effects of the chemo other than fatigue. His appetite is good, and he has actually gained a little weight. So, in light of all these facts, the doctor has approved us taking a trip to see Charles and family in New Jersey in early December. So we are making plans for that with excitement. Jack is working to tape childhood stories for his grandchildren, as well as sharing special pictures.

Love and gratitude to you all.
Linda

Tuesday, November 16, 2004 5:00 PM CST

It is November 15th. We had a wonderful evening on Sunday with a "Beauty Bath" from many friends. We are writing a more detailed story of this evening, and will post it in a day or two.
We saw the doctor today and expected the results from the CAT scan. However, he didn't have the film, only the report, and so we meet with him tomorrow. We will let you know the results asap.
Jack is feeling very well, and had chemo again today.
He continues to do well, and is working on his story and slides.
We will write in more detail in a day or two. Thanks for your support and love. Linda

Monday, November 1, 2004 12:07 AM CST

Apologies for the delay in update this last week. A busy week plus several really low energy days after the last chemo. But I’m back on track today.

Much to tell. Yes. I was able to take my California trip, in spite of distressingly low blood counts on Monday just before I was to leave on Tuesday, Oct 19. Doctor recommended two shots of Neupogen to raise white blood count to make it an acceptable risk. Wore a face mask on the planes and crowded spaces - and made it! Wonderful family reunion with sister Nancy, husband Gordon, and their family - children, grandchildren, friends. Walks in the pine woods at her 70 acre place in Placerville, in the foothills of the Sierra. Then my 60th reunion at Stanford with a dinner for 30 of us 80 year old classmates, fraternity brothers and spouses. So glad it worked.

Then last week culminated in our annual Earth Charter conference on October 30, where I gave the opening talk, sharing some of my deepest held beliefs of our interconnectedness with all life, and our mission to live in harmony with the earth. At the end of my talk they gave me a standing ovation after I bequeathed that mission to all of them to carry on. I did write the talk out, and will be glad to share it if you want to e-mail me at theckelman@aol.com. I was most pleasantly surprised at the fact they had dedicated the entire conference to me for my work in bringing the Earth Charter to the Twin Cities. Then the keynote speaker, my friend Michael Dowd, gave an excellent presentation of how we got here over the last 14 billion years, the Epic of Evolution, and an upbeat view of the next 250 years.

More chemo (I hope) later today if blood counts adequate. So far the major side effects are fatigue and low blood counts. No nausea. Appetite still good. Still have my hair (what there is of it). No pain. I feel very fortunate, and thank you for all your prayers and good wishes which contribute.

Our dear friend Barbara McAfee is organizing this gathering: You're invited to

Beauty Soup: A loving bath of support for Jack Heckelman and Linda Bergh
as they continue their dance with cancer.

Sunday, November 14, 2004
6:00 to 9:00 p.m.
Lake Harriet Spiritual Community
44th & Upton Avenue South, Linden Hills

Bring your loving appreciation for these fine people.
Bring your open heart.
Bring beauty and joy.
If you want some time to share a poem, dance, song, story or tribute,
please let Barbara McAfee know (barbara@barbaramcafee.com).
There will be some spaces for spontaneous offerings as well.
Questions can also be directed to Barbara at 612/840-9255.

Love to all,

Jack

Thursday, October 14, 2004 10:29 AM CDT

Jack writes:

Better news this week. White blood cell counts recovered enough to allow my second chemo-therapy treatment on Monday, Oct 11. This time was only one drug (Gemsar), so it went more quickly and so far - no reactions!!. I attribute much of my feeling good to the dozen or so supplements I’m taking, as well as the healing thoughts and prayers from all of you and my other healing activities.

Other good news. By Wednesday, when we saw the oncologist, he said I had recovered enough so I would not be at major risk of infection if I were to go to my 60th college reunion at Stanford in California next week! The trip has been planned, ticket purchased, but on hold pending this news. Now depends on blood counts next Monday.
I’m looking carefully at my priorities, so I had a specially important personal development this week. As I’ve been searching for ways of dealing with my 75,000 slides from nearly sixty years of photography, of which several thousand are already in slide shows, a good friend, a video specialist, has come through with a marvelous offer - to buy and loan me a digital scanner for bulk scanning of slides, and help in integrating them with voice and music to be preserved on DVD’s, and thus available for family and friends. He has also offered to videotape me for a special record I am hoping to make - my ethical/spiritual will. I am overwhelmed with gratitude.

Finally, I had an important revelation this morning - I have accepted my cancer. Up ‘til now I have been resenting or resisting it as an unwelcome and undeserved intruder into my life. In my meditation it was my former wife Marjory who inspired me. She had been diagnosed with an incurable neurological disease - progressive supra-nuclear palsy - and had gradually lost mobility, swallowing (I fed her through a feeding tube in her stomach) and speech, so she could only communicate by squeezing my hand or blinking her eyes. (So hard for such a very verbal person). When I asked her one day how she felt about her condition she squeezed my hand firmly at the acceptance option. So it is a good lesson to me. I’ll live with the cancer, do all I can to minimize its effects, but accept the consequences. Hope I can maintain this attitude.

Linda writes:

"How are YOU doing?" a lot of people ask. I am feeling supported by friends as the caregiver, encouraged to take care of myself. I am learning a lot about the challenges and opportunities of being a caregiver. I find myself wanting to "do everything" for Jack, to give him the time to do what he can do in his projects with the lessened energy that he has. He is having six meals a day, so keeping on top of healthy snack options as well as meals is important. Then I have moments of being really tired, and having to ask him for help. Then my back went out at the same time that he was dealing with the low blood count, and we both had to pull in, and still help each other.

I am feeling very blessed in so many regards. First, Jack is so open to all the alternative ways of strengthening his body during the chemo treatment. Secondly, we are finding quiet time for meditation, yoga, and walks together. One of the most important things is that we have an open process, so each of our feelings can be shared with the other as we go through this.(Not always easy, but it feels healthy) We can share both the ah-ha's of awareness, and the hard places we meet on the way.

It is challenging to keep an even keel, to not be swept away by each wave, either of negative or positive information. We are working hard to respond to each circumstance. So when the blood count was very low, we jointly made a decision to cancel everything social, to protect Jack from infection. That included plans for a wedding, a concert, and my birthday (I turned 62 on October 11). We had a quiet day at home, and when I asked myself what special thing I wanted to do for myself on this day I had an epiphany. I realized that what was special was having a day of doing regular things because they were with Jack. I felt filled with such gratitude for being with him, that all the little errands and jobs were filled with lightness. So for example I made carrot juice for him as a part of my birthday gift to myself, feeling this joy in our relationship. Then later, when I realized that I also wanted to celebrate some birthday time with my godchildren and their families, Jack encouraged me to go without him. So I went the next night for dinner with them.

Another thing I realized is that I am often finding myself hard on myself for not being saint-like. When we got the diagnosis of cancer, my inner expectation got hooked and I said to myself that I can't afford any negativity or reactions; time is too precious. And that is true. What I didn't allow for was that I am not a saint, and particularly when I get tired, I do get grouchy. And I still react occasionally to silly things. Until this week, I was feeling like I was in a pressure cooker - I was not matching my inner expectations, and was getting stewed by that. It was like holding my breath. Now that I realize it, I am feeling more compassionate toward myself, and that actually might help me be more responsive.

I am more respectful and more in awe of Jack and his process each and every day. His self honesty, his integrity, and his genuine openness to a healing far beyond the cancer is teaching me. This morning he said, I had a profound thought - I feel I am accepting the cancer. He had that familiar catch in his throat, that heartfelt look in his eyes, and once again, I realized how lucky I am to be married to this guy. His soul is glowing so brightly it is hard to imagine dis-ease. He is a healer. He is also human and gets tired easily, gets overwhelmed sometimes; he is open to the full gamut. And so I am I.

We want you as our family and friends to feel free to ask us any questions that are on your mind. They will help us. And you can ask us personally, or you can ask them on the website. Others may have the same question you do. For us support includes honesty, searching and insight. We are all on this journey together, and we value you, your thoughts, and your wonderings.

God bless and have a good day

Wednesday, October 6, 2004 4:10 PM CDT

Bummer. Went for the second chemo treatment yesterday, a week after the first, and found that my white blood count had plummeted to below acceptable levels, so they postponed the treatment a week. And what a shock since all other symptoms were positive - no nausea, good energy, good appetite. So much for predictability.

Gives me very mixed feelings about the state of medical practice these days. Gratitude that they’ve advanced as far as they have, but distress that they still use a sledge hammer rather than a targeted ice pick to combat the cancer.

Doctor advised no crowds, children, places with risk of infection. So have cancelled plans this week for a presentation at church, concert on Friday, wedding on Saturday, all the activities we had planned if my energy level was okay. Trying to view it as some time to have a retreat at home, getting some things done on my biography and slides that I’ve not had time to do so far. In every crisis there is an opportunity.

It also puts in question my plans for going to my 60th college reunion at Stanford in California. I just bought the ticket Friday, after the doctor’s tentative clearance. I am to leave on Tuesday the 19th - if I am well enough to go. Sure hope so.

I’ve really been working to find a balance with this cancer. I read these stories about people who devote their whole lives to it - juice every hour, coffee enemas three times a day, etc.- and have completely recovered. The stories you don’t hear are those who did exactly the same, and they died. There is so much I could read, and do, and take. It could consume my life. I have been doing a lot - meditation, visualization, acupuncture, energy healing, a dozen dietary supplements five times daily, massage, - what is the right balance?

I’m trying for the balance in my thinking as well. Some mornings I wake and the headlines I HAVE CANCER race through my mind. I’m trying to wake with I AM ALIVE as my headline. Ann Lamont says it best. “I don’t have a life-threatening disease. I am living a disease-threatening life.”

Love to all from Jack

Thursday, September 30, 2004 10:58 PM CDT

Chemo plus three days - first update. Surprise, just doing fine. No significant problems!! Started on Monday, no nausea, energy holding up - have gone to two meetings as well as to doctor’s appointments and complementary therapy (acupuncture, energy healing, massage). However chemo effects are cumulative, so there are probably harder days ahead.

Second chemo next Monday, then two weeks off (blood tests only), four week cycle altogether. Extensive tests after two cycles to see if it is doing what it is supposed to.

Had a wonderful weekend with children and families. Son Charles, wife Jamie, and three grandchildren (Julia, Christopher, Teddy) came from New Jersey. Daughter Barbara, her son Joshua from California (husband Dom couldn’t make it this time). Went to the zoo, played in playgrounds, went on walks by the lake, family council, many meals together - a great time was had by all. Plan to post a picture soon.

More next week after next chemo. Your prayers, cards, food, and best wishes keep pouring in, and are so appreciated. Much love to all of you. Jack (and Linda)

Tuesday, September 21, 2004 11:13 PM CDT

First of all we want to thank everyone for their thoughts on this website. It has been so heartening to hear from friends near and far. God bless each one of you who visits here.
(The write-up today is from Linda)
Medical Update: We consulted last week with our oncologist at Mayo about the best treatment plan. He recommended a standard chemotherapy treatment, but one that was less toxic. These treatments can be given in the Twin Cities by the oncologist here, so we will not have to travel to Mayo for that. But our Mayo oncologist will be on our team, available for consultation and check-in as we proceed along the course
If all goes as planned,Jack will begin Chemotherapy on Monday September 27th. One drug - gemcitabine - is given day 1 and day 8, The other carbo-platin, is given on day one. Then 21 days later, the 2nd cycle begins if the blood count is high enough. If not, the treatment waits one more week till the 28th day. After two cycles of this treatment Jack will be checked to see if the cancer has expanded, stayed the same, or gotten smaller. Further treatment will be assessed at that time.
The potential side affects for the chemo include hair loss (and the chance for Jack to wear some dapper hats), nausea (but they do have anti nausea drugs now, as well as acupuncture which is said to help), fatigue, and lowered blood counts.
We continue our work with alternative medicine, and meet with a naturopath this week to assess the variety of services open to us. We have started meeting with a support group at Pathways, a local free service for persons with life-threatening illnesses. The course is called Renewing Life, and opens ways to meet this challenge.

Personal Update: So how is Jack? And how are you Linda? These are the questions I am asked most frequently. It has been a roller coaster, certainly, with many deep questions surfacing about our time on this good earth, as well as the tired moments when we just need to rest. It has been a time of feeling the support of so many friends and also a clarity that we choose to live this journey consciously. We don't know how much time we have; we don't know what the effects of the disease will be, nor of the chemo.
We are working to simplify, and for a guy like Jack, that is not easy. Today we went through his mail to stop the deluge of third class mail requesting donations and telling us the state of the world. Jack would like to work on some special projects related to sharing his biography and his slides, so we are finding ways to do that where he can do the fun part, and we can get some help with the technical aspects.
Right now Jack is feeling pretty good. You really couldn't tell that he has cancer. He has lost some weight, so now he gets to eat extra meals of smoothies with whole milk yogurt. We're also doing carrot juice and good vegies. But bulk up Jack - go ahead and have that extra sandwich. We went walking down by the lake this morning. He stopped a couple of times to catch his breath. But we walked a couple of miles. And he swims a couple of times a week. He is supervising the addition to our home of a solarium, and is right on top of all the details.
I think we are realizing that we need more activities between full steam ahead and a crash into bed. So he is working to open up time for reading novels, listening to music or a relaxation tape, playing his accordion, having dinner or talking with friends. Time to be…...
I think for me there are several things to share. First, I am grateful to be walking this path with Jack. He has been amazing in his openness and in the positive way in which he lives each day. Our relationship is stronger than ever. Time is even more precious now. I'm working to get enough rest, stay involved with my wonderful work in teaching, take enough time for myself, and truly be available for what is needed with Jack. And for both of us talking about our feelings with good friends is precious.

We will post an update after a couple weeks of Chemo - so about mid October.
Much love to you all. Linda (for Linda and Jack)

Monday, September 13, 2004 10:39 PM CDT

We’ve just returned from the Mayo Clinic after 5 days of intensive consultation, testing, and treatment. We found the Mayo Clinic very well organized, very patient oriented, very competent. We’re blessed to have them within two hours of our doorstep. We have established a good relationship with one of their top thoracic (chest) oncologists, Dr. Ron Richardson, and are depending on him to provide recommendations for treatment when we go down again, we hope on Wednesday, Sept. 15, to explore options for chemo-therapy.

We received some challenging news there. A new echocardiogram led to a conclusion the fluid in the sac around the heart was affecting my heart operation, which led to the treatment of draining the fluid. Secondly, a bone scan showed metastasis into the rib bones, which could possibly need radiation. Thirdly, we learned that chemo-therapy is fully effective on only about one-third of the patients. All the more reason for us, it seems, to be exploring other options as well.

The heart fluid drainage treatment was, for me, the medical start of my healing process, though your prayers and healing energy have been at work for several weeks. We were fortunate to have one of the most experienced men in the country do the procedure. He drained out a lot of fluid, so we were very glad it had been done. After two days in the hospital I was discharged on Sunday, can definitely breathe better, though I still have that hacking cough, and have a little more energy, now that I am home.

Tomorrow we start acupuncture, have a diet consultation, and are getting a visualization tape especially prepared for me by volunteer at Pathways. We continue to ask for any additional complementary healing ideas you have. We’re feeling the tension of not knowing what the future holds, of the probable side effects from the chemo, and the need to set our immediate priorities straight. A quote from one of the bulletin boards at Mayo inspires us:

“Yesterday is history, tomorrow is mystery, but today is a gift - which is why they call it the Present.”

Good news. Charles (from New Jersey) and Barbara (from California) and their families are coming on Sept. 24 for a weekend with us. On a lighter note our new solarium, our “room of light,” is going up next week. We feel your support, through the air, the mail, and your wonderful postings on this site which bring tears of joy to us. Thank you so very much, each and every one of you.

Friday, September 3, 2004 10:32 AM CDT

Jack was diagnosed with stage IIIB/stage IV lung cancer in his left lung on August 20. We had a remarkable oncologist spend TWO hours with us last week, explaining treatment options and timelines. He told us that at this stage, the cancer is inoperable, and that treatment will probably extend life but not cure the cancer.

His symptoms now are quite mild -- a cough, some shortness of breath and lower energy. On September 8 we will be getting a second opinion at Mayo Clinic in Rochester. However, it looks like Jack will be entering chemotherapy in mid-September. He has already started several alternative therapies including visualization, massage, energy healing, and acupuncture.

He also has mentioned a heightened state of awareness and appreciation for the simple pleasures in life -- including time with his beloved Linda, connecting with good friends and a great Keb' Mo' concert last week! Please include both of us in your prayers, meditations, songs and dances. We already feel deep strength and peace from those already holding us in their hearts. Our lives are deeply blessed by all the love that is woven all around us. Thank you for your thread in that sweet web.
(This initial entry was written by Barbara McAfee and edited by Jack. Future entries will come from Jack and Linda directly.)

Wednesday, September 1, 2004 8:23 PM CDT

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