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Lauren Alyssa Shuttle 
NOVEMBER 29,1993-DECEMBER 5,2004
WE WILL LOVE YOU FOREVER LAUREN.
"SIT,LISTEN,CHASE YOUR DREAMS;
LIFE WON'T COME TO YOU"
Lauren Alyssa Shuttle
Courtesy of SparkleTags.com
LAUREN WAS DX WITH STAGE 3 UNFAVORABLE WILMS TUMOR SEPTEMBER 2002.THE TUMOR WAS WRAPPED AROUND HER RIGHT KIDNEY BUT NOT IN THE KIDNEY.FIRST, SURGERY TO REMOVE TUMOR,BUT BECAUSE IT HAD RUPTURED THEY COULD'NT BE SURE THEY GOT IT ALL.NEXT RADIATION,THEN CHEMO.LAUREN FINISHED TREATMENT MARCH 26,2003.WE WERE ABLE TO TAKE A BREATH FOR JUST A SHORT WHILE.WE WENT ON OUR MAKE A WISH TRIP SEPTEMBER 2003.WHEN WE RETURNED LAUREN WENT BACK TO SCHOOL.SHE WAS ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM AND CHEERLEADING SQUAD.THEN THE NIGHTMARE RETURNED.LAUREN RELAPSED IN OCTOBER 2003.THIS TIME THE TUMOR RETURNED INSIDE THE RIGHT KIDNEY.SURGERY WAS DONE AND THEY REMOVED HER RIGHT KIDNEY.A FEW ROUNDS OF CHEMO,THEN OFF TO U OF M FOR AUTOLOGOUS STEM CELL TRANSPLANT.WHICH MEANS THEY USED HER OWN CELLS NOT A DONOR.WE SPENT ONE MONTH IN THE HOSPITAL.THEN SHE WAS RELEASED,BUT HAD TO STAY CLOSE TO THE HOSPITAL.WE SPENT ANOTHER MONTH IN A HOTEL.WE RETURNED HOME AT THE END OF MARCH.LAUREN WAS DOING REALLY WELL.SHE RECOVERED VERY QUICKLY.THE TRANSPLANT WAS OUR HOPE OF FINALLY GETTING RID OF THE EVIL INSIDE HER BODY.SADLY IN SEPTEMBER 2004 IT RETURNED AGAIN.THIS TIME WITH A VENGANCE.IT'S CALLED METASTATIC DISEASE.WHICH MEANS IT'S IN MORE THEN ONE PLACE NOW.FOR LAUREN IT WAS IN HER ABDOMEN AND LIVER,MAKING IT'S WAY UP TO HER LUNGS.WE TRIED A FEW MORE ROUNDS OF CHEMO.IT WAS GROWING INSPITE OF CHEMO.SHE ALSO HAD A PARTIAL BOWEL OBSTRUCTION CAUSED FROM THE TUMOR.SURGERY AND RADIATION WERE TO RISKY.WE FOUND A CLINICAL TRIAL BUT IT WAS TO RISKY.LAUREN GOT SICK REALLY FAST.WE DIDN'T WANT TO RISK LOSING TIME WITH HER ON A CLINICAL TRIAL.DECEMBER 5,2004 MY BABY GIRL BECAME AN ANGEL OF GOD.SHE WAS AT HOME AND SHE PASSED AWAY IN HER SLEEP.I MISS HER EVERY SECOND OF EVERYDAY.I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER.
"MY IMMORTAL"BY:EVANESCENCE
THESE WOUNDS WON'T SEEM TO HEAL THIS PAIN IS JUST TO REAL THERES JUST TOO MUCH THAT TIME CANNOT ERASE
WHEN YOU CRIED I'D WIPE AWAY ALL OF YOUR TEARS
WHEN YOU'D SCREAM I'D FIGHT AWAY ALL OF YOUR FEARS
AND I HELD YOUR HAND THROUGH ALL OF THESE YEARS
BUT YOU STILL HAVE ALL OF ME
I'VE TRIED SO HARD TO TELL MYSELF THAT YOU'RE GONE
BUT THOUGH YOU'RE STILL HERE WITH ME
I'VE BEEN ALONE ALL ALONG
HOW AM I?I'M OK
SEE THE SMILE ON MY FACE
I MUST BE FINE
I HAVE MADE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY
THE SMILE IS FOR YOU,FOR ME FAKE
ANOTHER DAY WITHOUT MY GIRL
HOW CAN I SMILE IN THIS WORLD
HAILEY,JAY MAKE IT ALLRIGHT
JASON NEXT TO ME HOLDING ME TIGHT
FRIENDS AND FAMILY CALL TO SAY
OUR PRAYERS OUR WITH YOU TO MAKE IT THROUGH TODAY
HOW YOU DO IT,I JUST DON'T KNOW
SHE WAS JUST TO SICK,I HAD TO LET HER GO
I'LL LOVE HER FOREVER THIS YOU MUST KNOW
I WONDER IF I'LL EVER REALLY LET HER GO
IF IT'S TRUE THEY SAY ALL WOUNDS HEAL WITH TIME
I'LL NEVER SEE THAT DAY,I DON'T THINK THEY MEANT MINE
caringbridge.org/mi/myhaileybear
caringbridge.org.mi/rosey
caringbridge.org/mi/emeraldisle
caringbridge.org/mi/oliviasgrace
caringbridge.org/mi/danni
MELIISA,AND JESSIE
NO PAGE
FOR THEM]
caringbridge.org/oh/oliviagood
SO MANY FIGHTERS,SO LITTLE TIME
SO MANY PRAYERS FOR A CURE TO FIND
NO CURE FOR MY GIRL,YET IN THIS WORLD
SHE'S MY ANGEL IN HEAVEN,SHE WAS MY ANGEL ON EARTH
CANCER SUCKS LET'S GIVE IT A CURSE!
PRAY WHEN YOU WAKE,PRAY BEFORE YOU SLEEP
FOR US LEFT BEHIND,SAD WHO WEEP
EACH DAY IS HARDER THEN THE ONE BEFORE
JESUS IS WAITING OUTSIDE MY DOOR
WAITING TO FILL ME WITH HIS LOVE
WAITING TO TAKE ME UP ABOVE
TO SEE PAPA,GRANDMA,COUSIN, FRIEND
BUT MOST OF ALL MY SWEET LAUREN! caringbridge.org/ne/haleygirl
THE GOVERNOR OF MICHIGAN HAS DECLARED SEPTEMBER CHILDHOOD CANCER AWARENESS MONTH! SPREAD THE WORD AND GET INVOLVED, THEIR ARE SO MANY STILL FIGHTING!
Please, don't forget to sign my guestbook! My guestbook is now split into new and older entries. So please fill my page up!
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Thursday, Novembern 29, 2007 11:00 am HAPPY BIRTHDAY LAUREN!
I LOVE YOU MORE THEN YOU WILL EVER KNOW! I MISS YOU EVERY DAY MORE AND MORE! I WANT SO BAD TO HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS, TO HUG YOU AND KISS YOU, AND NEVER LET GO!
WAITING IS ALL I CAN DO FOR NOW,PRAY FOR THE DAY WE'RE TOGETHER AGAIN! PRAY FOR THE MOMENT WE'RE A FAMILY AGAIN!
HAPPY 14TH BIRTHDAY IN HEAVEN BABY GIRL! I LOVE YOU!!!
THIS IS SUCH A HARD TIME OF YEAR FOR ME. NOT JUST THE HOLIDAYS, IT'S A PERIOD OF 4 MONTHS. STARTING WITH SEPTEMBER WHEN LAUREN RELAPSED THE LAST TIME. SEPTEMBER/OCTOBER SPENT FIGHTING THE MONSTER. NOVEMBER HEARING THOSE WORDS,THERE'S NOTHING MORE WE CAN DO, AND FINALLY MY SWEET GIRL BECOMING AN ANGEL, DECEMBER 5,2004. LAUREN IS MY DAUGHTER, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HER, I WILL ALWAYS MISS HER,NOTHING CAN EVER CHANGE THAT. I'VE HAD A FEW PEOPLE TELL ME LATELY THAT IT IS STRANGE, "NOT NORMAL" TO CONTINUE HAVING A PARTY FOR LAUREN! I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT ISN'T NORMAL. SHOULD I PRETEND SHE DIDN'T EXIST? SHOULD I GO ON EACH YEAR FORGETTING HER? I DON'T THINK SO, I HAVE THIS PARTY BECAUSE IT HELPS ME TO BE SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE WHO LOVE ME AND LOVED HER! BECAUSE HER B-DAY AND THE DAY THAT SHE DIED ARE SO CLOSE TO EACH OTHER HAVING A PARTY EASES THE PAIN A LITTLE. NOT MUCH, BUT A LITTLE! HER B-DAY IS SO MUCH MORE THEN A B-DAY! IT ALLOWS ME TO CELEBRATE THE 11 YEARS SHE WAS HERE ON THIS EARTH! JAY AND HAILEY WERE JUST 4 WHEN SHE DIED. THEY DON'T REMEMBER A LOT. I KNOW MY PHOTO ALBUMS LIKE THE BACK OF MY HAND, YET A LOT OF PICTURES ARE LIKE THEY ARE NEW TO JAY AND HAILEY. SO IF IT ISN'T NORMAL TO HAVE JUST ONE DAY THAT I CAN MAKE ALL ABOUT LAUREN, TO SHARE WITH JAY AND HAILEY WHO THEIR BIG SISTER WAS, HOW MUCH SHE LOVED THEM AND HOW MUCH SHE HAS TAUGHT US ALL! THEN SO BE IT, I GUESS I'M NOT NORMAL!!!!
Friday, August 17,
2007 9:30 PM CDT
IT'S BEEN A BUSY SUMMER! JAY AND HAILEY GRADUATED KINDERGARTEN! THEY WILL BE STARTING FIRST GRADE IN JUST A FEW WEEKS. WE WENT TO TENN. TO VISIT FAMILY. WE HAD FUN. IT RAINED ALOT,BUT I LOVE SPENDING TIME WITH MY FAMILY. I ONLY SEE THEM ONCE A YEAR.
HAILEY HAD HER DANCE RECITAL. SHE WAS GREAT.SHE DID TAP AND BALLET.THIS YEAR SHE WANTS TO ADD HIP-HOP JAZZ TO HER RESUME.
JAY IS A YELLOW BELT IN TAE KWAN DOE RIGHT NOW,BUT HE WILL BE TESTING FOR HIS PURPLE BELT NEXT MONTH. HE WILL ALSO BE IN A TOURNAMENT NEXT MONTH.HIS FIRST ONE,SO WE'RE EXCITED. HE COULD WIN A MEDAL!
WE JUST CAME BACK FROM A CAMPING TRIP WITH OUR CHURCH! WE HAD SO MUCH FUN! I WAS REALLY MISSING LAUREN! IT HURTS TO GO PLACES SHE'S BEEN BEFORE,BUT IT HURTS MORE TO GO TO THE PLACES SHE NEVER HAD A CHANCE TO GO.
WE HAD OUR RELAY FOR LIFE BACK IN JUNE. THAT DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER.BUT IT'S A GREAT WAY TO KEEP LAUREN'S MEMORY ALIVE AND TELL EVERYONE ABOUT CHILDHOOD CANCER.
JASON AND I WILL BE CELEBRATING 14 YEARS OF MARRIAGE NEXT MONTH. JAY AND HAILEY WILL BE TURNING 7 AUGUST 22! WE'VE HAD A FULL SUMMER!
I AM ASKING FOR SPECIAL PRAYERS FOR OUR DEAR FRIENDS THE DESMOND'S! THEIR SON CONNOR RELAPSED WITH LEUKEMIA (ALL) AFTER ALMOST 5 YEARS OF REMISSION. SO OF COURSE THEIR DEVASTATED.THEY NEED A LOT OF SUPPORT AND PRAYERS RIGHT NOW.THEY ARE POSSIBLY FACING A BONE MARROW TRANSPLANT SOON. THEY HAVEN'T DECIDED 100ET. THEY ALSO HAVE 3 OTHER CHILDREN AS WELL. SO PLEASE PRAY FOR THIS FAMILY WITH ME!ANYONE WHO'S BEEN THROUGH THIS KNOWS A TRANSPLANT IS SCARY.IT SEPERATES YOU FROM YOUR LOVED ONES,AND HAS SO MANY RISKS INVOLVED.SO PLEASE PRAY THAT THIS IS THEIR ANSWER TO ASSURE CONNOR STAYS IN REMISSION!
PAGES FROM MY PERSONAL JOURNAL:
THIS IS A DARK PLACE YOU GO THAT I WOULDN'T WISH ON ANYBODY.PEOPLE ALWAYS LIKE TO REMIND ME THAT I HAVE OTHER KIDS. AS IF SOMEHOW I FORGOT THAT. IF IT WEREN'T FOR JAY AND HAILEY I WOULDN'T BE DOING AS WELL AS I AM. LAUREN DIED ON A SUNDAY,WE TOOK THE KIDS TO SEE THE SPONGEBOB MOVIE ON TUESDAY.YOU DON'T FOGET YOU HAVE "OTHER KIDS" YOU JUST FOCUS YOUR ENERGY ON THEM,AND TRY TO HELP THEM FIGURE THIS OUT. BUT IT'S HARD WHEN WE'RE STRUGGLING TO FIGURE IT OUT. I CAN SLEEP, DRINK (I HAVEN'T),TAKE PILLS(I HAVEN'T) I CAN SCREAM. WHAT CAN JAY AND HAILEY DO?WE'VE ALWAYS KEPT OUR FEELINGS OPEN WITH THEM. IF WE WANT TO CRY WE CRY,IF WE'RE MAD WE TELL THEM WE'RE MAD.
JAY AND HAILEY WE'RE ONLY 4 WHEN LAUREN DIED. THEY ASK MORE QUESTIONS NOW.FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS NOW WE'VE HAD A LOT OF ISSUES WITH THEM. HOW CAN I EXPECT THEM TO BEHAVE A CERTAIN WAY,FOR THEIR AGE. THEY GO THROUGH EVERYTHING WE DO. THEY'RE JUST NOT OLD ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH THEIR FEELINGS THE WAY I DO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH MY FEELINGS MOST OF THE TIME.
THERE IS A SCRIPTURE VERSE THAT TALKS ABOUT FAITH BEING WHAT WE CAN'T SEE. WE HAVE ALWAYS TOLD JAY AND HAILEY LAUREN IS IN HEAVEN NOW. THEY'RE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO UNDERSTAND HEAVEN. THEY ASK WHY THEY CAN'T CALL HER OR WHY SHE CAN'T VISIT THEM. THEY'VE EVEN SAID THEY DON'T CARE IF THEY DIE. THEY WOULD GET TO SEE LAUREN! THAT'S WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT. SURE KIDS ARE GREAT WITH MOVING ON,THAT'S BECAUSE THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND THEIR FEELINGS. BUT THESE KIDS ARE STILL IN THE SAME HOUSE WHERE THEY WATCHED THEIR SISTER DIE. THEY'RE WITH ME 90F THE TIME. I STRUGGLE BREATH BY BREATH TO GET THROUGH MISSING LAUREN! AND IF THEIR NOT WITH ME ,THEN IT'S DAD OR A GRANDMA. THEY STRUGGLE BREATH BY BREATH JUST LIKE ME!
I WOULD NEVER COMPARE DEATH. I'VE HAD AN AUNT, AN UNCLE, GRANDPARENTS,GREAT GRANDPARENTS, EVEN PETS DIE IN MY LIFE. BUT FOR ME WATCHING MY BABY GIRL FIGHT AN EVIL IN HER BODY FOR 2 1/2 YEARS,AND THEN TAKING CARE OF HER IN HER LAST TIME ON THIS EARTH,THAT CHANGED ME IN A WAY THAT CAN'T BE EXPLAINED!
I WON'T MOVE ON! I WON'T GET OVER IT! AND NO, TIME DOES NOT HEAL ALL WOUNDS! TIME IS MY ENEMY, IT SPERATES ME FROM THE LAST TIME I SAW MY SWWET GIRL UNTIL I SEE HER AGAIN!!!!
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: ST.JOHN 4TH FLOOR PEDS HAS THE BEST NURSING STAFF.LAUREN ALWAYS MADE SURE THEY HAD A SHINING STAR .VAN ESLANDER PEDS HAS AMAZING STAFF.WITHOUT ALL OF YOU I COULD'NT HAVE STAYED SO STRONG FOR LAUREN.THANK YOU FROM THE SHUTTLE FAMILY
Links: http://www.
http://www.mi/kyleheath
http://caringbridge.org/mi/4theloveofzoe
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