History

Monday, January 7, 2008 7:30 AM CST

rest in peace dad with all my love
09/02/46 - 03/01/08
Bill Bristow
"Jamies grandad"
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Monday, July 30, 2007 4:27 PM CDT

Hi guys, Just thought to pop by, i have just finished my course on nursing and have passed YIPEE, now just got to wait for september so i can start university.
not much else to report at the moment, but i hope you all are well. Anna xxxx

Monday, May 28, 2007 4:58 PM CDT

Good news i got accepted into university, I'm a little nervous but excited.
The girls are doing well, Abbie has got dyspraxia, we was worried for a while because she was showing the same signs and symptoms as jamie, but relieved its dyspraxia. Emily is now 16 months old, walking running and doing very well, she is well ahead of her age.
Justin has OCD he was diagnosed a while back and has been seeing a cognative therapist, she put it down to jamies death, justin still finds it very hard and i too bt feel i dont want to torment him by talkimg about it, but we find times when we are comfatable enough to go through happy memories.
Were off to centre parcs again this year, well in a few weeks, weve not been since jamie was last with us.
I wish i could sit here and tell you how Jamie was, i see the guest book so quiet as to my journals, i wish i could bring this web page to life, but i can't.
I'm so glad of all u folk who do come see how we are, and leave messages, especially names that give me fond memories.
I love you guys and miss you,
and now im gunna go before i get to emotional.
All my love
Anna xxx

Saturday, November 18, 2006 2:09 PM CST

Finally found my pass word ...
"opens bottle of champa's"
Well weve had a baby girl now 10 months old, and a spit for jamie...
3 years on we still miss him very much,
This december he would be 7.
Justin and I decide to celebrate his birthday by having a family meal and doing something Jamie would have loved to do.
I am now realizing my potential and have got off my butt and studing to get to university. I did decide to do midwifery but i've had a change of heart i've decided to go into peadiactric nursing and to qualify as a peadiactric oncologist nurse (scary stuff).
well i'm off to do some more study!!!! WHAT ON A SATURDAY NITE: well off to browse the web anyway!
Be good all and to all a good nite mwah xxxxxx Annaxxxxx

Tuesday, July 6, 2004 6:29 PM CDT

Hi
Well life is very different from what it was last year.
I have a part time job which keeps me occupied which is good.
I cant believe today though Abbie was stting on my lap and was watching one of Jims faverite programmes and Abbie spoke and did the same reactions and movements exactly the same as what Jim would have done, I just felt as though I was sitting with Jamie cuddling up to him and i just squeezed Abbie as tight as i could because for that split second i had my son back and i was happy.
Nothing will ever beat this feeling but one day soon i will be with him again..
We (Justin and myself) are thinking of having another baby nothing to do with replacing Jim but it feels right.
We miss jamie and so does Abbie. This summer is hard because i have to make new memories and im holding on to last years.
Ever since Jamie died it feels every thing has gone wrong.
My family feel so far away no one knows what to say anymore to me.
I just want what i had my son back . my family to talk to me . people to stop being sympathetic and thinking they have to be nice when all i want is people to talk too.
One thing I learnt life is lonley when u go through something so hard.
Anna xxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, April 28, 2004 7:38 PM CDT

Hi there.
just to let you know I am around just being busy with the charity.
Well its been 6 months since jamie died seems along way away but yet seems like yesturday.
Dreams have gone so far but visions are still here and abbie seems to be turning in to her brother which brings a smile to my face.
I hope you are ok i keep popping in to your sites when i can.
See you all soon.
anna xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, April 7, 2004 7:01 PM CDT

Hi there.

Well just popped in to say have a happy easter and hope all your kiddies get loads of easter eggs.

Im feeling better, time does heel but missing jamie is very hard.
All my love to you all and i hope things are ok.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxannaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, March 17, 2004 7:31 PM CST

Hi
Just thought I'd pop by I hope you like the new look I did have an animated background but I was told off lol.
Well what can I say nearly 5 months since our little jimmy passed through the gates of heaven and the dreams are finally fading I mean the nightmares but I guess I looked at the fear and went to Jamie's grave and it was all filled in nicely.
I do miss him so much I take Abigail out alot and think to my self Jamie would of liked that.
One thing is for sure Abbie is turning into Jamie's ways everything she say's and does is exactly like him it's hard not to cry when she says duddle like he used to ( for a cuddle) and if she see's us crying she try's to stroke our heads and say awwwwww .
Bless her.
Any way i will keep posting not as much as i used to but I will be here
All my love Annaxxxxxxxxxx

Natalie see you at easter I have loads of stuff for the kids and give them all a big kiss for me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, February 11, 2004 7:16 PM CST

Hi
Well things are starting to look better, after visiting Jamie's grave it's all now been filled in nicely and we are ordering his headstone which should be on in april.

Dreams are getting better but they are still there.
Well we are starting to plan again for the future so we have got things to look forward too.

I hope you are all keeping well all the best.
Annaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ps my email isn't working at the moment i can recieve but not send so to those who i have tried to email im sorry and i will get them thru i hope

Friday, January 23, 2004 4:54 PM CST

Hiya
Well what a week, its been an emotional roller coaster really.
Both justin and myself are having nightmares Justins are more of Jamie being here one minute then he is gone or Jamie comes back for a while which when he tels me them they are very upsetting.
Mine are just as bad but mine are about visiting the grave and i cant find it or it has been vandulised or just the coffin there.
I cant seem to shake them i'm scared to go to bed somedays incase i get another dream.
Abbie has been absoultly wonderful she gives us big hugs and kisses and she is the reason why i wake up these days.
I hope it gets easier. We had so much warning from the doctors but yet we are left in shock. Its an empty world and i dont think anything will ever fill it.
Also paranoya is setting in especially when you think everyone is avioding you.
Well hopefully next time i will write back with a more positive out look but as for now well its wait and see.
All the best
Anna

Wednesday, January 7, 2004 6:48 PM CST

Hiya Jim
You never guess what, we got a puppy today we called her Rosie , If u remember their was a kids programme called Rosie and Jim .
Abbie is doing really well she loves the new puppy she laughs everytime she is naughty < guess she feels she isnt the only one getting told no lol .
Well i hope u had a great christmas up in heaven , we went to visit you christmas day there was so many people at the church it bought a smile to my face knowing people was around you .
I had a look at some other graves whilst i was there with abbie and i saw loads of childrens graves in a very strange way i felt at least you wasnt the only child there but i wept for them and how there parents must of felt on that day ,
I miss you Jamie i wish you was still here so i could hug you and kiss you .
Daddy misses you too he tells me you visist him in his dreams and it makes him feel sad because he misses you and you are not here when he wakes and that he feels happy that he saw you and he feels closer to you .
I have dreams too of you and i feel good when i have them as again i feel i have you once more .
Untill we meet again my baby boy xxxxxxxxxx
have fun in heavenxxxxxxxxx
I LOVE YOU xxxxxxxx
mummyxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Sunday, December 28, 2003 6:54 PM CST

Hi
I hope you all had a good christmas.
Well christmas was not to bad for us abbie had lots of prezzies and we got some that made us laugh ,
We went to see Jamie on his birthday spent quite a while there and on christmas day. The cemetry was very busy with every one visiting and it looked very christmassy there i was worried i over done jamies grave with festive flowers and oniments but looked like i wasn't the only one .
Well I hope that you all have a good new year and i am thinking of you all espeacially steven Jakob kody .
All my love annaxxxx

Monday, December 22, 2003 7:42 PM CST

Dear Jamie :
I hope in my heart you will read this .
Today is your 4th birthday and also 2 days before christmas .
I miss you so much and i hope that you are having a good time up in heaven with all the people who love you especaily your grandad liney who always wanted a grandson , now he is with you looking after you until i arrive and we can be back together again .
I wil visit your grave today and i will visit it christmas day too , i fid it so hard to come and see your grave, when i get so near i get panic attacks and find it very hard to breathe . Its not your thought and i also know you are in a better place i just wish i could be with you where ever you are , I miss you so does your daddy and Abbie is looking at your pictures and looking around for you, she misses you like everyone else i miss the play fights you both had i miss your demands i miss the way you would stroke my hair and tell me its ok whenever i cried ,
i miss cuddling up to you and falling asleep, i miss waking up and making you breakfast and as much as it anoyed me i miss ceebeebies ie the tweenies and tellytubbies.
Every day i see a picture of thomas the tank and i instantly hear you saying "look mummy thomas ".
I miss every thing about you .
We never had a proper christmas just you abbie daddy and me , but i hope you will join us in spirit to celebrate .
I feel gulty that we have to have christmas because you won't be here but we have to do it for Abbies sake and to keep me going is knowing you will be here with us.
I love you jamie more than anyting in this world , i have lost you for a short while but i know one day i can be with you again,
I cry alot because the pain of you not being with me is so intence is very hard to describe,
Do i big favor for me jamie ,
there are a lot of kids out there who need your help and spirit kids like steven and all the other kids on here please look after them show them the strengh and courage to get through this nasty illness .
You mean the world too me Jamie and from you i learnt a lot . I am going to try to help other kids with this and other diseases but the main one will be medulloblastoma because you died like jesus did to save lives and i willl be here 100% to help these kids become well again and for the doctors to get the right facts about this horrid illness .
I love you Jamie and i will always will . I miss you so much it hurts .
All my love mummy xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, December 17, 2003 7:09 PM CST

Hi
Just thought to pop in and let you know how we are doing.
Its soon jamies birthday his 4th bithday 12/23/99

We bought him a Bill and Ben flower pot a big one to put on his grave for his birthday and some little christams figurse so he can share christmas with us too .
It will be hard this year with out him but the whole family will be going up on his birthday and christmas day.So he won't be alone .

Some days i feel good and others i feel very bad i cry all day thinking he is by him self there it is especialy hard at night and when its raining knowing he is out there,
I wish he was still here but i know he is up in heaven with all the people who love him and i know he is having fun,

At night when i go to bed i have good memories and bad the good are when he was good he was running playing, the things he would say the way he would say them , i even go to sleep thinking he is next to me .
The bad are of the memories of his last 3 days when he had his massive fit that put him into a coma but if i spoke to him he would grab my finger and hold it tight. and the memories of me sleeping with him knowing when i woke he wouldn't be there it was very hard.
the morning he died Justin slept with him he woke me and told me jamie was taking in deep long breathes i knew then this was it , we both sat there with him holding him talking to him telling him it was ok to go telling him we loved him so much and he had to be free now he could go and play .
It came to a point when he had his fit i was scared of him waking his eyes sometimes opened when we had to move him and they would be red and his breath would stop so to move him was difficult . but we was told to move him every 3 hours to keep the blood flow going .

Why does this have to happen to our children .
When jamie was born i was in hospital for 5 days including christmas eve and day i didn't care that i missed thoses days i just wanted to lay there with jamie and watch him i loved him so much i never fought i would never see his 4th birthday you think your kids would out live you , you have fantasies of what the will be like when they are older but knowing 4 years down the line i would be standing at his grave would of killed me ,
It does in a way part of me has gone and i will never see him again in this life but i wait till i see him again in the next..
Annaxxxxx

Friday, November 21, 2003 5:28 PM CST

Hi all.
Just signing letting you know I'm still here.
We have moved . It feels strange but in a funny way good here I still feel that i am on holiday and that i have to go back home .
Today we were putting pictures back on the wall and one in a few of jamie in our bedroom (we do have some in the living room too ) and i just sat there talking to jamies picture for about 3/4 of an hour . I was just telling how much i loved him and how sorry i was sometimes when i was mad at him but generally talked about how things were .
Felt wierd him not talking back but i felt good after doing it .

Dee i have a new phone number when i get to speak next to you i will give it to you . its nice to hear you .

Right now I am watching children in need and it is so sad that so many kids are suffering .
I feel so angry i wish i could do something positive about it , i will do one day i just need to pick myself back up again.
Any way it is so nice to see all your entries and i do try to visit all the sites you send me .
All my love Annaxxxxxxx

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Monday, November 3, 2003 9:37 AM CST

One week and 3 days since Jamie left us for a better world
and i miss him so much ,
It was jamies funeral last Friday and the feelings i had was so intence not wanting to let go or saying goodbye .
I would give anything for another hug and kiss .
At the funeral my neighbours commented that when justins poem was read out They saw a butterfly come in from the window in to the beam of light that shone through the window .
I don't know right now how to take it but they said they like to think of it as jamie was there listening and watching .
I hope he was proud of the service .
The funny thing is we had to get a bigger casket as we wanted him to have a few of his toys in and of course he was inseprible with his little duvet .
I feel better than i did do but i miss him so much and feel lost .
But i know he is in a better place playing with all the other children , i bet theres nothing stopping him now .
Any way i best go all my love and thanks to you all
annaxxxxx

Dear Sarah
you wrote in my guest book and wanted permission to use jamie's story and his poem for your class but you didn't give out an email adress .
Of course you can use it for your class .
Children and adults need to be educated in to cancer and other illnesses , I often took jamie out when he had a nasal gastric tube in and when he had a bald head and parents would sccop there kids away from jaimie as if he had a catchng disease and teenagers would run a mile or make fun of him .
No matter how old the person is they need to be educated in to cancer and be told what it does to a person and the people left behind wanting answers .
I am so glad there are people like you wanting to educate and help charities and get involved .
All the best annaxx

Saturday, October 25, 2003 9:08 AM CDT

Jamie passed away yesturday morning 24th October 2003 at 8am.
He went peacefully in his sleep . Both Justin and myself was with him . His funaral will be on friday the 31st of october at 2 pm .
If any one wishes to send flowers to Jamie Lindars please could you send them to C&T Radmall Funeral Services
223 London Road
Burgess Hill
RH15 9QU
Thank you all for praying and keeping Jamie in your hearts .
Anna & Justin lindars xxxxxxxxxx

Thursday, October 23, 2003 2:59 AM CDT

Hi
Yesturday the 22nd of october Jamie woke haveing major seizures starting from 7 am to 9am then he had a massive fit followed by mini seizures .
He had been given lots of diazapan .He fell asleep after that and he is deeply unconsiouse since .
Today is thursday the 22nd of october my sisters 25 birthday and We have been told this morning that our little baby boy will not last the day .
The next time I will write is when jamie has passed away .Please pray he will not suffer when he goes .
p.s please don't emal me right now as there is viruses going around thank you.......
Annaxxxxx

Sunday, October 19, 2003 5:55 PM CDT

Hi just to keep you updated jamie has a few minutes of consciousness a day .
He hasn't eaten much for 3 weeks we are very concerned as he has become very skinny and has no energy .
he can no longer walk or stand .
I don't think we have much time with him now he is complaing that he can't see and everything is dark his breathing is very harsh when i look at him now he looks like another child he is not jamie anymore .
PLEASE do not put my name and email address to any prayer groups on the web i have recieved hundreds and most are aboult cults and i have also recieved emails with viruses .
Please can i just say this pc is very important to me and my husband if there is anyone sick enough to do this please go find another hobbie .
sorry to anyone else .
Annaxxxx

Sunday, October 12, 2003 10:17 AM CDT

Just to let you know jamie has a new web page .
http://mysite.freeserve.com/jamies_jorney
Please go and see it there is loads more pics and info on there ,

Jamie is the same as before he still isn't eating nor drinking he is barley awake i would say 20 minutes of every day he is awake .
We don't think it is long now please keep jamie in your hearts and prayers all my love annaxxx

Sunday, October 5, 2003 7:08 PM CDT

Thanks for the entries reading them made me cry .
Just a quick update really, jamie is diterating quite fast every day we find something new .
His eyes look different ways he is so confused about everything that is going on he looks at things and doesn't understand them he isn't even intrested in thomas any more .
He is one 100mg of mst now and 8 mils of oral morth 3 x a day plus a sedative at night so he doesn't wake up in pain .
I need to speak to the drs again as his eyes are rolling all over the place and he is on carboplaxin so may be we need something stronger .
when he tries to be awake he doesn't make sence and looks so lost in this world .
I just can't believe how quick something can grow and make a child suffer in this way .
I put jesus and god in my complete trust and faith to stop the pain and for him now to be in peace.
He has suffered a while and to watch him slowly die and to know he must feel something is not right breaks my heart .
ok till the next journal annaxxx

Tuesday, September 30, 2003 6:41 PM CDT

Well though i would come in and say hi .
as you know jamie hasn't been given long but we now take each day as it comes .
Even though every day i wake up and i see jamie laying next to me as he sleeps and i think off all the good times we had together .
Jamie has begun to detirate his appitie is non exictent so it may mean he might need an nasual gastric tube in again which will kind off help me to get his meds down .
He has started to sleep alot too and his walking is getting worse he takes a few steps then collapses to the floor and screams as he is so frustrated .
He is now on double morphine and the docs are looking to up the dose as he seems to still be in a lot of pain .
A month ago i would of seen this as impossible for him to be like this now but as every day comes there seems to be a new problem all he wants is to be held and that is what i do with him . Last night i even found my self feeding him like a baby with a bottle as he was so thirsty but couldn't feed him self .
I don't know what to expect now but all i can ask is to keep jamie in your thoughts and prayers as i know from the guestbook you do but right now i am creating a web site about jamie and soon i will open it up on the web please come and see it .
you will learn more of him there than on here .
All the best to my friends ice beth and clint thanx for signing my page it means alot to know u come and visit him.
And to my very good friend dee who helps me alot and one day soon i wil get to new york and visit you hope steven is well xxx.
and to all the angels who visit jamies page you put a smile on my face and jamie loves the gifs .
and to every one who comes and signs here THANK YOU ALL XXX
hope to speak to you all soon anna xxxxxxxx

Monday, September 15, 2003 6:42 PM CDT

Ok how do i start...........
Jamies MRI results came back today and now i don't now where to begin .
3 months ago jamies scans showed that he had tumour in the front back and both sides of his brain.
Jamie has recieved utopiside (vp16) and cyclophosimide as his treament for the past 3 months solid.
Today we have been told that the radiotherapy did not work,
nor has the chemotherapy worked.
Jamie's tumour is now covering every fold of his brain and now we have been told that chemo will not work for him .
In turn we have been told the only thing the doctors can do is to give him as much pain relief and anti suizure medicine to help him be as comfatable as possible .
The tumour has doubled the size and has spread every where .
We have been told Jamie has 3 - 6 months to live and this is breaking my heart as i now know there is nothing more the drs can do but to help him be as pain free as possible .
I feel so bad as this little boy is not even 4 yet will not be with us for much longer yet i know his suffering will end soon .
I wil up date u some more when i have too i am so sorry .
ANNAXXXXXXXXXX

Saturday, September 6, 2003 7:38 PM CDT

Well it's 1 36 am and an imsomniac that iam thought i would pop by.
Jamie this week has suffered a total of 17 fits this week although very small ones but i am very concerned that he is getting worse everyday .
He has become so jerky he can't contol his hands or facial muscles .
He is also becoming very angry with everything , Justin says if he didn't know any better he would of thought Jamie has autistic symptoms as justins sister is autistic.
Jamie is also not eating he is also telling us he wants calpol as his head hurts, he tells us in his funny little way like head hurtie calpol or i want calpol lollie as it comes in a syringe .
His speach has become so babyfied it unreconisable .
I know he has the mri on monday but i am so scared of what these results are.
Welll ibest go to bed any way just trying to keep a cheerful disposition with every one xxxxxxxannaxxxxxxx

Monday, September 1, 2003 3:35 PM CDT

Hi .
sorry for being gone foe a while but as it's summer it's also time for fun teehee.
Iwent to visit my mum and sister and jamie has been having a whale of a time .
Jamie has a new fad it's remote contol cars and hellicopters hehehe o'well.
Jamie is still suffering with these nasty headaches and he is also closing his eyes a lot when he has a tantrum so ?.
He has his next scan on the 8th of sept so fingers croosed .
jamie is still on chemo which is not affecting him which is really good news .
it has been 13 months to this day we was told jamie had a brain tumour it feels like it has been forever, but on things for sure i am truley blessed he is still with us and he is staying strong .

We are worried that jamies hearing and sight is now becoming weak and his speach is getting worse his balance also is becoming poor too he is starting to bump ito things again and easily falls over .
Well i let u know how jamie gets on next week and also he starts nursery on the 10th of sept too .ooohhhhhhh happy days xxxxxxxxxxxannaxxxxxxxxx

Friday, July 18, 2003 1:33 PM CDT

Hi I am sorry for being a while on here but i am just updating you on how Jamie is .
Jamie had to go to the hospital for a check up as well sa starting his next round of chemo .
She discovered that jamie's mouth seems to have jerky movements as well as his eye's .
She also noticed that his speach has become at lot worse as he is slering his words and it is impossible to make out what he is trying to say .
His walking is also become unsteady he seems to shuffle his feet .
He is also now making grunting noises quite alot so i have no idea why that is.
also now the doc suggested it might be a good idea to put him on codine as his headaches are becoming more frequent and he seems to scream alot whick indicates the headaches are getting worse any way sorry for the delay in writing to u all .anna

Friday, July 4, 2003 6:07 PM CDT

hi sorry for being a while here
Jamie has improved he seems to be getting better by the day the doctors have put him on mild pain killers as they think he is getting headaches .
We went a way this last week and Jamie really enjoyed him self we went swimming bike riding and jamie even enjoyed hm self by making freinds in a kids club of which he made freinds with the other children which is good to see .
Anyway not much else to report at the moment i will be back soon.

Sunday, June 22, 2003 3:42 PM CDT

hi back again
jamie went to a thomas day today it was good although we had to leave early Jamie is now becoming weak and is now sleeping all the time .
The doctors have put him back on steroids but there is no change in him which is really worring me he seems to be a sleep all the time , when he does wake he is so floppy his eyes are also not focusing they have become very shodowy and deep we asked if this was due to chemo but they said no they think he has pressure back which means only 2 things tumor growing or he has fluid building up he is also not eating a thing so i feel soon he will be back on a nasel gastic tube which he was on before any way i'll be back if things get better or i hate to say worse please pray for him to get better.

Tuesday, June 17, 2003 2:40 PM CDT

Hi all.
just poped in to give you all an update . As you know chemo started last wednesday and he will be on that for 21 days for everday . Luckily no signs of the tumor which is good news and no effects from chemo as yet although jamie is sleepy a little during the day and restless at night great system to get into don't you think .
Any way all the best and also to tell you that my freind dee has a web site about her little boy steven with the same tumor as jamie please be sure to pop in and sign her book . it is on http;//www.caringbridge.org/ny/steven

Thursday, June 12, 2003 4:29 PM CDT

Hi just to let you know how Jamie's scan did.
The scan showed no change .Jamie is back on chemo again he has started a corse of etopiside for every day for 21 days we will administrate it at home .
Jamie is doing well at the moment no signs of any head aches yet and no more seizures since monday .The steroids are working well .Well in away it is good news as this means the tumor isn't growing . Till next week anna.

PLEASE COME VISIT JAMIE'S JORNALS AND SIGN HIS GUEST BOOK .

Monday, June 9, 2003 4:03 PM CDT

Just thought to pop in and let you know how things went today .
Things started off fine today Jamie was in high spirits and funny enough excited to see the nurses (strange), we got to the hospital things were doing well the doctor came to examine jamie for his anesthetic for his MRI and in the middle of it Jamie started getting a seizure lasting half a minute although this has happened before we thought it wasn't going to get this bad not for a little while . I know Jamie's eyes have started to roll again and is complaning of headaches but this was unexpected to say the least . He layed in my arms whilst the doc was doing some tests on him and his whole body just seized up then his head went back enough for me to try to support his head and he would roll his eyes stop stare in to space and then roll his eyes again whilst this is going on the doc was calling his name so was i no response luckily about half a minute later jamie came around bewildered looking at everyone he saw abbie was playing with a toy and he said he wanted a book we were all suprised top see he come around so quickly . the doc was in two minds about jamie having the mri but the anesthisist said it would be ok if he was fine after the seizure luckily he was .
So jamie had his mri lasting an hour and 15 mins and came back from that fine . Jamie is now back on steroids for his headaches and the docs are now discussing anti histamins ( anti seizure pills ) . We get the results of the MRI on wednesday .

Saturday, June 7, 2003 5:56 PM CDT

Hi just came in to give you all an update .
Jamie has a MRI scan monday morning and i don't have a good feeling about it . Jamie is waking up every morning for the last week complaining of headaches we give him pain killers but when they wear off he seems to start crying and screaming because his headache came back .It seems all he does at the moment is cry and scream .
I also feel bad as jamie hasn't had treatment for over 6 weeks even more maybe i feel that lacking chemo may be having an affect by the tumor growing .
We have to see our consultant at the Royal Marsden on wednesday to discuss what to do next in his treatment .
He also seems to be turning in to a baby again his speach is't very clear at the moment and all sighns are put down to as symptoms of the tumor growing .His eyes have again started to roll and it's so blatently obviouse that their is something wrong so hopefully next week when i come to write here again we may have some news please pray that it is good news all the best to you .

Thursday, May 29, 2003 3:32 PM CDT

hi back again Jamie went to visit thomas the tank yesturday and really enjoyed himself. It was via make a wish so jamie got very spoilt we had a limo come pick us up and inside was thomas balloons and thomas toys jamie was really excited he went on thomas henry and gorden which he really loved he was so excited when he saw thomas the first time . They were only the miniture version but still jamie loved it .
Jamie has had a good week although getting tired quicker he i think is having a tummy upset as he is having diareah that is very treakily he is supposed to have blood tests tomorow so i'm going to ask about it, fingers crossed bloods will be ok as he hasn't had treatment for nearly 4 weeks .

Tuesday, May 27, 2003 5:19 PM CDT

Sorry for the muck up on this page will be dealt
with as soon as possible once again sorry

Tuesday, May 27, 2003 5:19 PM CDT

Sorry for the muck up on this page will be dealt
with as soon as possible once again sorry

Thursday, May 22, 2003 2:32 PM CDT

hi it's been a hectic week we went to wales uk on monday and the weather was awful it was just constant rain and also little abbie was playing up so we came home thursday it was quite nice we went on top of mount snowden in snowdonia which for jamie was exciting but for me very scary as i'm scared of heights and just froze when i looked down and started crying as i was so scared i felt such a fool as everyone tried to get me down it was a truley scarey faze of my life . we also went on a steam train through the vally's which was an absoulotly peacefull 2 hours as abbie was a sleep and jamie was looking out the window the whole time.
on wednesday the 28th we are taking jamie to see thomas for real it's his wish for a charity called make a wish for sick and terminally ill children aged 3-18 in the uk he'll go in a limo their see thomas the tank and i think their are a few surprises for him during the day we don't know what yet but i think jamie will be a very happy boy after that .
any way all is well with jamie at the moment although he is getting tired during the day again i think they might put him back on chemo again soon if he carry's on like this anyway god bless .

Monday, May 12, 2003 12:41 AM CDT

Jamie has been doing really well he has started to eat again and is trying to run which is a huge step for him to be taking although the last few days he has been complaining of headaches again and when he sits and plays with his trains he has been quite unsteady which is a bit disapointing .
Not much else is really going on as Jamie has finished treatment for a month so i'm trying to get back in to normality it's quite boring actually but am enjoying it as i'm trying to sort the house and re-arrange furniture and change the look of it which is great .
Any way i better go back next week

Tuesday, May 6, 2003 12:14 AM CDT

Hi back for my weekly visit to up date you all .
Jamie has now finished his radiation and he got balloons and presents from all the staff their, he also got a certificate to show how brave he was so i will put that in a frame and on the wall .
We are all better now thank you for asking . I'm so glad it's all gone as i was feeling really low as i felt ill all the time whilst trying to care for jamie and take him to the hospital everyday .
Abigail took her first steps today i was absoloutly frilled and abbie kept trying to get up and walk it was so funny as she tried to clap every time .
We took Jamie on the steam trains yesturday he really loved it we have also booked up for Jamie to have a day out with thomas which will be a really great surprise for him.
We have a month off now of treatment but will be back to the hospital now and then to have an MRI scan done also to speak with the consultant about Jamies next step in ihs treatment . I just hope nthing goes wrong in between then any way must go back next week for more updates please sign jamies guest book he really loves hearing from you .

Monday, April 28, 2003 1:21 PM CDT

hello just popped in to let you know how jamie is doing .
We've had quite a tough week with radiothreapy and jamie getting another infection yet again this time it was quite a serious one although jamie seemed ok with it thankfully they caught it in time with antibiotics which he will be on till friday. As well as dealing with that abbie had a stomack bug which of course i got then jamie got and now lying in bed with it is my dearest hubby which is not good news and now it is only monday and looking towards another hectic week at the moment i have lack of infusiasum in anything it just feels aslike everything that can go wrong will go wrong and becoming tired and frustrated really does not help as all my energy has just dissapeared overnight. Hopefully this will be a better week any way hope you all had a nice easter back soon anna

Friday, April 18, 2003 6:05 PM CDT

hi thank you for yor messages its great to see so many taking an interest about jamie we absoultly loves the pictures thank you
As you are aware jamie was supposed to have radiotherapy yesturday 17 april but as things never seem to go our way the machine broke down i think jamie knew about this and crept in to the hospital to brake it in the middle of the night hahaha seeing as he has a tendancy to fiddle with things then they are beyond repair. Anyway we are now starting on tuesday after the easter holidays as cancer doesn't exist holidays and weekends nevermind at least jamie will be home for easter. we have had rather nice weather in the uk believe it or not so we went to the beach and jamie had a nice little paddle. Oh i forgort jamie had to have his hickman line removed a couple of weeks ago due to a small hole in it. oh yes believe it or not another infection 2 blood transfusions and 2 platelet transfusions and he has just finished a course of bone barrow suppresents to keep his blood levels up as they seem to be falling very quickly but his last count was good although his hb is falling but his nuetraphils are the best they have been for a while so lets hope they stay that way. so we also had a bbq in the garden tonight just me justin and jamie looking up at the stars although i think jamie was more interested in the planes any way have a nice easter love jamie mom and dad xxxxxxxxxxxx

Wednesday, April 9, 2003 5:09 PM CDT

Jamie will start radiotherapy in mid april, we thought long and hard about this and came to a decison. The doctors were keen to do a full blast of radiotherapy on jamie's brain and spine which would have turned jamie into a complete shell for the rest of his life with no way of thinking or doing anything for himself his body would look horrible as the radiotherapy would stunt his brain and spine he would have arms and legs that would grow to adult size and a head and torso of a 3 year old also the radiotherapy has 1 in 4 chances of working. So we decided to have only 10 days worth of radiotherapy with it only hitting the main tumor which would ease his symptoms although we have been told this will not give us extra time. Jamie will then take a month off of treatment so we have decided to go away and have a whole month of fun for jamie we don't know what yet but we are in the process of planning a holiday to switzerland and days out with thomas the tank engiene.
Please visit past jornals to
see how far we have come

Wednesday, March 26, 2003 4:26 PM CST

Jamies treatment started in late september after a few hitches of trying to get a to have a portacath inserted. jamies first treatment was baby sfop protocol which involved carboplatin(jm26) vincristine cisplatin ,procarbazine and etoposide each cycle of his chemo had 3 rounds once every 3 weeks .Jamie had altogether 2.1 cycles, after each cycle Jamie would have to have an mri scan. Only 2 scans showed that the chemo was working. After many line infections and having to spend a long time in hospital especially on Jamies 3rd birthday, both doctors and ourselves decided we had to put this portacath nightmare out of it's misery and take it out. So after christmas we had the port taken out and let jamie rest for a week before putting a hickman line in. By this time i needed a break so with the help of the rainbow trust we took ourselves off to one of their houses. I felt so weird their as they did everything for you it was so nice just to have break for a few days without the hassle of any house work. The kids were really happy their although Jamie was quite uncertain about the situation he eventually relaxed when the staff was laughing and having fun Jamie even enjoyed a game of pool which was nice to see as he rarelly wanted to do anything.
I would like to take this oportunity to thank the staff for the lovely meals and the presents they gave to the children.
When we came home life went back to normal jamie had to go into hospital to have his hickman line inserted and chemo then comenced. Jamie has had a good run with his hickman line although it has needed a few repairs to it since.
In febuary 03 jamie had his 3rd scan everything was fine up untill then, untill he came out of the mri room that was, Jamie had to have a general anesthetic because he needed to be still but we all know 3 year olds don't do still don't we. Jamie had taken a little while to wake and things didn't look to good. His tempreture was rising and after 2 hours Jamie was still sleepy we was sent to our community hospital and was told jamie had another infection. Whilst being in hospital Jamie started rolling his eyes quite alot and then fall asleep which was quite worring, so the doctor came in and told us it might be to do with the tumor getting bigger or he was having a fit after several days of this happening the doctor decided it probably was abscenses as jamie was not communicating when this was going on and then fall asleep. It was quite scarey to watch as i never seen anything like this before and it made the whole thing seem to real. About a week later we was able to go home jamie seemed to be ok so we tried to get on with life as normal. A few weeks later Jamies scan results came and our consulant rang us and told us that their was a new tumor showing it was like a sugar like coating towards the frontal lobe and it just seemed like the chemo had been a waste of time. After a few conversations on the phone and a meeting with the consultant we decided we would give a slightly higher dose of chemo which was called baby brain relapse protocol which was slightly higher dose of carboplatin and etoposide.
Jamies chances of survival are becoming lower just 25% within the next 5 years. we are going to plan for radiotherapy soon so fingers crossed.

Monday, March 24, 2003 3:59 PM CST

Jamie was born on 23 december 1999, he was a normal happy baby, he was delivered by emergancy c section as labour was not progressive, We had a few problems during pregnancy as the doctors first thought he would be a downs baby, we had some tests to confirm and later was told jamie would be a typical average child.
When jamie was born both justin and myself was so releived we thought nothing else could go wrong. Jamie was a planned baby, we had lost a child through miscarrige a year before so to have jamie was a blessing.
I used to take jamie swimming and to baby gym nearly every week as i love to see his beautiful eyes light up.
His development as a baby was normal and was feeding really well. Back in may 2001 Justin collapsed at work he was rushed to hospital and was told he was either suffering from an inner ear infection or vertigo, he was quite ill as for about 3 weeks he couldn't get out of bed and when he did he couldn't walk for to long as it made him dizzy. Justin had a good job with an American company being a manager in one of their top departments. The company unfortunatly had to make reduntantcies as Justin was taking alot of time off he would have to be one of them, but as time grew on Justin was getting better with the aid of Jamie demanding to take him out. It did work and now thanks to Jamie, Justin is back on his feet again.
In july 2001 i found i was expecting our second child Abigail, i was quite nervous and happy as well as sad all at once. Jamie was happy about the baby in mummy's tummy but wasn't sure why he couldn't see the baby. As time grow on we had noticed Jamie was vomiting quite alot in the mornings and his balance was getting worse, I would take him to the park and he would just sit in his pushchair and not take any notice of the play ground or indeed any other children. I took him to see the doctor a number of times and we was told that jamie had an ear infection, gastrointeritos, and believe it or not one leg longer than the other. when Abbie was born jamie was having very bad mood swings especially in the morning, this was put down to jelousey towards his new sister. Four months on and several visits to the hosoital and doctors, jamie was getting very worse so much so that he was being sick alot he had very little movement in his arms and legs and with a head tilt the doctors still was insisting it was an ear infection and him being sick was because an ear infection can make you dizzy.
On the 1st of august 2002 jamie was lying on the floor in the living room he couldn't move he was also heving, i took him straight to the hospital and demanded that something should be done.
luckily i had a very good triage nurse on duty that day and she instantly new something was really wrong, we saw a doctor immediatly he did all the tests and couldn't find a reason why jamie was like this. Sevral doctors later and finally a CT scan was arranged all the doctor did was look in jamies eyes and tried to get jamie to stand he then knew that jamie was likely to have a tumor.
when the CT scan had finished and jamie was still under GA the doctor came in to tell me that jamie had something abnormal on his brain it was also quite big, jamie also had quite a lot of fluid build up in his brain.
We was so horrified both justin and i sat their not really taking in what was going on i remember that this was the worse day of my life ,my little miracle baby had a brain tumor .
We was sent to another hospital where jamie would have to have a burr hole (a hole drilled through his skull to release preasure to his head). The next few days just seemed like a nightmare jamie had to have a operation to remove the tumor so they could get an idea of what it was, we had also hoped they would take the hole thing away but that wasn't to be. The day before jamies op we was so nervose we took jamie for a walk around the hospital grounds both justin and i taking it in turns to hold our baby for what might of been the last time, as we was told jamie might not survive the op or he would be totally brain damaged. I couldn't sleep that night as i was remembering jamie as he was as a baby and all the things we did together, i never ever thought in my life that my son would get so ill.
The day of the operation came and my mum came up to the hospital for support she brought abbie up with her which was good as it took our minds off of what was going on as 6 hours is a long time to wait, I couldn't imagine any other waiting time as it was hell.
Finally jamie came out of theatre and into intensive care. We was told jamie was out and seemed fine which of course i broke down because i was so happy my baby boy was back with me. We went to see him and he looked so helpless lying on the bed with tubes everywhere his head covered with a bloody bandage i couldn't believe this was jamie .
After spending the next fortnight in hospital jamie recovered very quickly and he was so relieved to be coming home. He was on steroids so he had put on quite a bit of weight and mood swings was hard to deal with . in late september 2002 jamies chemo started we was in hospital quite alot with infections and transfusions. We spoke to our consultant and was told jamie had a 30% chance of survival in the next 5 years the doctors had also told us that only 5%of the tumor was removed and was told the tumor was called metastases medulloblastoma which would spread very fast with out treatment .

Monday, March 24, 2003 3:43 PM CST

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