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Caleb's Survivor Page 
Caleb was diagnosed with Burkitt's Lymphoma on February 25, 2005 and went into remission June 2, 2005!!! In this time he received the equivalent of 2 yrs worth of chemo without a single break, several blood transfusions, and lots of hugs and kisses.
Welcome to Caleb's Web Page. It has been provided to keep people updated about our his progress after he has SURVIVED Burkitt's Lymphoma!
To see Caleb's story from the beginning, go to April 11 in Journal history.
Please pray for all children fighting cancer.
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
~Eleanor Roosevelt
Dear Caleb-
When I think of what a warrior you have been through this journey, I am amazed. Your strength is incredible. Your resiliance is amazing. Your ability to forgive Mommy and Daddy and still love us unconditionally after all the painful procedures we had to put you through is an overwhelming miracle.We are so proud of you.
I often wonder when this cancer started. Since birth you have had so many illnesses and felt so yucky. Has the cancer always been in you...slowly growing, just waiting for the right moment to become those "gigantic bad webs" trying to take over your body? Or did it happen because of that very bad stomach flu you had on Valentines Day? Anyway, because of the chemo used to kill those "bad webs", Daddy and I have never seen you so happy and energetic. I want to cry when I see you laughing and running...there were moments when I wondered if you would ever feel good again. Now you are better than ever.
My little man, you have so many people in your life who love you. Your Daddy is an amazing person. He goes off to war for a year, comes home and has to worry about losing his little guy. Daddy is so strong. I think that is where you get it from. He works full time, comes home everynight for our songs and stories, and plays with you and your sister until you are all too tired to move. I love watching the 3 of you run around together.
Your sister is such a trooper. During all of the doctors appointments and hospital stays she was shuffled from house to house...family to family. She never once felt left out and never forgot that we all love her very much. She shares with you, hugs you, holds your hand, and kisses your head. You have the best sister ever. We are so proud of Abby.
Your Lola and Jadgi love you very much. They have come to visit you so many times, stayed with you in the hospital, brought you surprises, kept Abby overnight while we had to take you to the ER, came to our house to play so that Mommy and Daddy could get away, and so many other things I can't even name.
The teachers at Belvedere love you very much. They donated leave days so that Mommy could be home with you every single day that you were sick, brought dinners, gifts, cleaned our house, helped me with all the meds the nights Daddy had to work, took Abby to play, left Gigantic Pirate ships and Pink flamingoes in our yard, and worked hard to hold a fund-raiser for you and other children who have cancer.
Arinc Direct loves you...they were SOOOO felxible with Daddy's hours so that he could work from home and the hospital to spend lots and lots of time helping you feel better.
The whole community loves you Caleb. We have gotten anonymous cards, letters, and gifts that raise our spirits. All of our CaringBridge family who sign your guest book love you too.
Caleb, you have taught me so many things.
*You and your cancer have taught me that it is okay to stop what I am doing and play.
* Nothing is that important that it has to be done right now. Playing and snuggling right now is important becuase you never know when it might be the last chance you get.
* I now know that it could always be worse.
*There is no such thing as a bad day as long as we have each other.
*I can never complain about my physical pain again after watching you endure what you did with smiles and kisses the whole way.
*Even if we only got to have you for 3 years, it is 3 years of a blessing with you in our lives.
*Focus on the good times. Cherish every moment...good or bad.
* Be nice to others, you have no IDEA what they have been through.
* If one small child can have such an impact on the world, think of what we can all do.
*Everyone has goodness in them.
* We all have a purpose.
*We live in an Amazing country. We have doctors and drugs that destroyed your cancer and saved your life, while children in other countries die from minor illnesses because they have no access to medication at all.
OH my little Caleb, I look forward to watching you and your sister grow together. I cherish every breath you take....every milestone you surpass.
I thank God for letting me have the honor and privilege of being your Mom. Because of you, I am better than I was. Because of you, my love and compassion has grown by leaps and bounds. I promise that I will always to my best to give you the life you deserve. I Pray that you live the rest of your life cancer free. I love you little man.
Love-Mommy
COURAGE DOES NOT ALWAYS ROAR. sOMETIMES COURAGE IS THE QUIET VOICE AT THE END OF THE DAY SAYING "I WILL TRY AGAIN TOMORROW"
-MARY ANNE RADMACHER
My Hero
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Journal
Sunday, January 28, 2007 11:47 AM CST I have decided that I finally need to let go of this page. I have held onto it for two years. It has been our crutch, our therapy, our journal, our communication, and mostly it has been our encouragement to never give up because of your caring words posted to Caleb’s guestbook. I don’t know why, but I am kind of afraid to give it up and having a hard time letting it go.
On February 26, it will be the 2 year anniversary of his diagnosis; an anniversary that leaves me with a heavy heart each year. Caleb will turn 5 years old on February 8th and in now thriving in pre-school. When he was diagnosed, he had just turned 3 years old and was just becoming potty trained. On that awful February day that he was diagnosed, I never could imagine us getting to this point. I remember feeling like I was hit by a huge truck, I remember the walls closing in on me, I remember wanting to run, but mostly I remember watching him lie there in the PICU after his surgery….helpless to what was about to happen to him. I wanted to scoop him up and run away from the cancer. Josh had to bear the burden of telling our parents and Abby while I stayed at the hospital. I don’t know how he endured 14 months in Iraq only to come home and be crushed by the news of our son’s illness. I still can't believe Caleb endured so much; numerous blood draws, spinal taps, sometimes daily blood and platelet transfusions, chemotherapy , joint pain, back pain, headaches, not being able to walk, diarrhea, mouth sores, bottom sores, extreme weight loss, meds, meds, meds , and the vomiting ! The vomiting was terrible!!! Try sticking needles into your 3 year old, and forcing him to take oral meds that make him feel like crap. Ohhh, how I prayed and prayed that God would take the cancer away from my baby and give it to me instead. “Please God; take me and not our little man Caleb.” One night I dreamt that I had cancer and was losing my hair from chemo and Caleb was healthy. I was so happy until I woke and realized it was just a dream. That is the last I will say about the bad stuff because more good came out of it than bad.
Here are some of the things Caleb learned during his illness. He learned how to charm doctors and nurses. He still makes a room full of nurses and oncologists laugh every time we go to clinic. They tell us they love him and that he is unforgettable….Josh and I have to agree. He is called “Mr. Personality” by his doctors, nurses, and teachers. Since he couldn't go outside a lot or play with friends, he became an imaginative and creative person. He will play with ANYTHING. In the hospital, empty syringes became rocket ships and IV tubing became art projects. He learned how to swallow medicine without complaint. He learned all about germs and knows the importance of hand washing. He really knows how to love and how to express himself. He understands that words can have a strong effect. When he is telling the truth he says “I’m really true” and when he hugs me he calls me his “only”. He has learned to be generous and compassionate. He recently gave up his favorite Spiderman doll and Blanket to another 5 year old who is going through a difficult time. I really wanted to keep them, but he insisted that they would make this child feel better. Other than that, he is not any different in his eyes…he thinks all kids have gone through what he has. We never want him to be treated like he is different either.
Abby also came out of this changed. She is so kind and gentle with people she meets. She doesn’t let cruel words that people say hurt her feelings and you know how mean little kids can be to each other. She has developed a tough skin, but on the inside she is warm and fuzzy. She has a great sense of humor and can see the positive side to any situation. She has a very generous heart and often asks me if we can help or give to one person or another. She is very sensitive towards others and tries very hard to read their feelings. On the other hand, she still had fears of her brother getting sick again and has seen the grim reality of critical illness. She really understands that people don’t live forever and that things can change suddenly. I always pray that her teachers and friends in the future understand her and see what we see when we look at her.
Now what Josh and I have learned has been a whole different story...
Many of these lessons I learned by myself, but other lessons have come to me through the many many other “cancer parents” I have been lucky to encounter.Not all of these words are my own, but have inspired me to use them here today.
I learned that cancer can have a weird effect on people. Some that I thought were longtime friends suddenly disappeared. Some of them told me that the situation made them too sad and too uncomfortable. They said it only made them worry about their kids getting sick. There are still people who won’t look at pictures of him because it is too sad for them. Some friends asked me what I thought I might have done to cause his cancer…did I spray pesticides…did I take anything while I was pregnant…. (How rude) Others told me that I dwelled on Caleb’s cancer too much. I had to let those relationships go.
Other friends and family came at us with full support and for that I am grateful. Many MANY people went above and beyond what was needed. Some people we did not really know before Caleb got sick were there for our family 24/7. Those relationships were renewed and are stronger than ever. I have learned that true friends never say things like "I am sorry I haven't called but it is so hard for me to talk about it", true friends know that it is hard for ME to talk about it too but that I need to sometimes…even today. I know that just when you think you can't go on, God will throw you a lifeline: a hug from a friend, a phone call, a pat on the hand from a kind nurse, dinner on your doorstep, or pink plastic flamingoes in your yard, large fundraisers to support our family, a personal cleaning crew in the form of friends, and a friend to come over and help me entertain Abby while I had to give IV meds to Caleb while Josh was at work. I can’t even begin to list the kindness SOOOO many people provided us. You all know who you are. I love knowing positive things have come out of all of this and there are so many wonderful people out there. His illness has affected so many people in so many ways.
I am thankful for the strong and everlasting friendships we were blessed to sustain during this time.
I learned that children are a gift and our time with them should not be taken for granted. I feel so blessed to be the mother of my children. I’m the lucky to have them, not the other way around. When I start to get frustrated and impatient with them, I always try to remember what a gift they are. I have learned that a truly caring nurse can make all the difference in treatment and those visits to the hospital. I learned that it is hard to look at your child's bald head. But when you are holding him tight it is warm and soft and makes you remember him as a baby. There are many ways to cope when your child has cancer, but the very best is to hold them tight and know that love may not conquer all but for now it'll do.
When they were explaining it all to us, it seemed like everything was just going on around me in slow motion without sound and I was oblivious to anything that happened around me. I did not really understand any of it. I felt like I was just on autopilot most of the time… like I was watching us do what we were doing. Nothing else that happened on the news mattered…all that we focused on was Caleb getting better and Abby staying happy, normal, and stable. The only way we could get through it was to take it one day at a time and sometimes it was minute by minute. We all cherish your guestbook entries. If there is anything you would like to say to Caleb, please post it in the next couple of weeks. Although I will be closing this site, I will save everything so that when he is a grown man, he can not only look back and be reminded of how strong he is, but more importantly he can see how many of you care about him. Thank you all so much for all of your support, it means more to us than we can describe. We love you.
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Patient Room: HOME HOME HOME Christus Santa Rosa
San Antonio, Tx
Links: http://www.burkitts.org A website for Burkitt's Lymphoma
http://www.cancer.gov
http://www.active.com/donate/ltnSanAn/1906_beatburkitts Light the Night
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