Welcome to Logan's Web Page. It has been provided to keep people updated about Logan's progress. Logan was born on September, 19th 2001 at Vanderbilt University Hospital in Nashville TN. Logan was diagnosed with Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia at my 22 week ultrasound, and was given 50% odds of survival. It was explained to me at the time that Logan's diaphragm had a large hole in it and had enabled all of his abdominal organs namely intestine and stomach to migrate to his chest and grow. These organs were suffocating his left lung and pushing his heart over to the right side of his body which was restricting growth of the right lung. There really was no way to know if he would have sufficient lung growth to sustain him in life until he was born and they could operate to remove the organs and put them back in place. I was told to go home and rest and wait for the next five months until he was born and they would know then if he would live. That started the longest,most rewarding and emotionally terrifying journey of my life. I am staring this journal three and a half years after Logan was born, so I have alot of updating to do. I hope no one finds it too confusing to follow. I just started the journal entries as if I were starting at the beginning and working my way up to the present. Thanks for taking time to read about my angel.
Logan's current medical diagnosis Hypo-plastic left lung syndrome Pulmonary Hypertension Reactive Airway Disease Chronic Lung Disease Sever GE reflux causing aspiration Obstructive Sleep Apnea
Total of 6 surgeries at the age of 4 Diaphragmatic hernia repair @ 36 hours Open heart surgery for sub-aortic stenosis @13 months First part of an undescended testicle repair @21 months Second part of that same surgery plus adenoidectomy @ 2 1/2 Nissenfunduplication for reflux @4 Logan had his 6th surgery on June 15th a thoracotomy to repair the wrap that had herniated up through his diaphragm
Logan had his seventh surgery on January 12th to repair his wrap again. On January 15th Logan went into a pulmonary hypertensive crisis and his heart was not able to pump blood into his body against the pressures in his lungs. He earned his wings at 10:23 am My heart will never be the same.
This is how we designed the front of Logan's mausoleum. Rest at peace our Angel until we see you again.
The Chosen Mothers
by Erma Bombeck
Most women become a mother by accident, some by choice and a few by habit. Did you ever wonder how mother's of children with life threatening illnesses are chosen? Somehow, I visualize God hovering over earth selecting His instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.......
"Armstrong, Beth, son, patron saint Matthew" Forrest, Marjorie, daughter, patron saint Cecilia" Rutledge, Carrie, twins, patron saint Gerard."
Finally, He passes a name to an angel and says, "Give her a diabled child." The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God, "Could I give a child with a disability to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."
"But, does she have patience?" asks the angel,
"I don't want her to have too much patience or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wears off, she will handle it."
"I watched her today," said God. "She has that feeling of self-independence that is so rare and necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has it's own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she believes in you," said the angel. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness? Is that a virtue?"
God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is the woman I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take anything her child does for granted. She will never consider a single step ordinary. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see....ignorance, cruelty, prejudice....and allow her to rise above them."
"And what about her patron saint" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.
God smiles and says..."A mirror will suffice."
Celebrating Holland - I'm Home
I have been in Holland for a while now. It has become home. I have had time to catch my breath, to settle in and adjust, and to accept this different trip than I'd planned.
I reflect back on those years when I first landed in Holland and remember clearly my shock, my fear, my anger. In those first few years, I tried to get back to Italy as planned, but Holland was where I was to stay. Today, I can say how far I have come on this unexpected journey, how much I have learned about Holland. But it has been a journey of time.
I worked hard. I bought new guidebooks. I learned a new language, and I slowly found my way around in Holland. I met others whose plans had changed like mine and who could share my experience. Some of these fellow travelers had been in Holland longer than I and were seasoned guides, assisting me along the way. Many have encouraged me and have taught me to open my eyes to the wonder and gifts to behold in this new land. We supported one another, some have become very special friends, and I have discovered a community of caring. Holland isn't so bad.
I think that Holland is used to wayward travelers like me and has become a land of hospitality, reaching out to welcome, assist, and support newcomers. Over the years, I've wondered what life would have been like if I'd landed in Italy as planned. Would life have been easier? Would it have been as rewarding? Would I have learned the important lessons I benefit from today?
Sure, this journey has been challenging and at times I would (and still do) stomp my feet and cry out in frustration and protest. And, yes, Holland is slower paced and less flashy than Italy, but this, too, has been an unexpected gift. I have learned to slow down and look closer at things, with a new appreciation for the remarkable beauty of Holland. I have discovered that it doesn't matter where you land. What's more important is what you make of your journey and how you see and enjoy the very special things that Holland has to offer. I have come to love Holland and call it home.
Yes, I landed in a place I hadn't planned. Yet I am thankful, for this destination has been richer than I could have imagined!
The Reason for Our Hope
Journal
Friday, December 26, 2008 2:44 PM CST
Well Christmas has come and gone and I feel like it has been a whirlwind. Although I was fully into celebrating Christ birth, It just did not feel like Christmas to me. Maybe because it came so soon after Thanksgiving and it was such a rush and strain on the pocket book to get it all done in such a short time. I am not sure why really, I am pretty sure that no Christmas will ever feel like it used to. I vividly remember every Christmas morning spent with Logan, the last one was spent a Vanderbilt and that memory is one that is so very hard for me to think about, so I have a hard time really getting the Christmas spirit. I will truly say that Logan gave Brandon and I the best gift ever this year by sending us Noah to wake up to on Christmas morning. His sweet smile and loving personality gives Brandon and I joy that we never thought we could possibly feel again. His similarity to Logan knocks the searing pain down a step to a dull pain that aches, but he can truly bring a smile to our faces and melt our hearts. We spent Christmas Eve at my Dad's Moms that afternoon and then my parents that night. It was nice. Paige, my niece and Noah are so funny together. They were really fun to watch. We ate opened gifts and then played rook ( a card game) Me and Mamaw won. We beat Brandon and Kelli. That was awsome because Brandon is a really good player and he always wins. Not that time!!!! We spent Christmas morning just the three of us opening gifts and cooking breakfast then off to my Mom's Mothers. We ate again and played dirty santa. It was fun. We were home around 5:30 because Brandon's Dad and Marilyn were here. We spent a few hours with them opening gifts. They always do too much! Noah got a really cute rocking horse that talks and sings, other toys and clothes. Brandon and I got nice gifts also. We go to his grandmothers tomorrow. Anyway I have spent a good part of the day cleaning up the mess and trying to find a home for everything. Noah is asleep and I am taking a break. I am tired for good reason There is something I have not shared on Caring Bridge because I was just not ready to tell the world yet, but I think it is time to let you all know that we are expecting another baby the first of June. I am 16 weeks and al is well so far. This was not planned, but was so very welcomed and we are very excited for Noah and Logan to have another sibbling. Hopefully they will be able to tell the sex at the next appt in January. Also that will be the scan that can see if things look OK with development. Please keep us in your prayers for that to all look great. School starts back in a few weeks I have Anotomy and Physiology with a lab and developmental pysch. next semester. I will once again have my plate full and running over, but that is the way I have always done things. Take care and I hope you all had a blessed Christmas. I hope everyone took the time to sing Happy Birthday to our Savior Jesus Christ. We are so blessed to be able to celebrate his birth and the many gifts he gives us. His promise is what I hold on to everyday. Happy Birthday Jesus. We Love You! Kyla Mother of an Angel in Heaven and on Earth
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