Journal History
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Tuesday, March 18, 2008 5:57 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Such crazy, busy times here! I can't even keep up with myself, let alone everyone else! But that is good in a way, I guess.
The first bit of excitement is spring break. We leave Friday to go to San Antonio, Texas. It will be Tessa's senior spring break, and she didn't want to go to Florida (again!), so we picked a random destination that would be interesting, and warmer than Indiana. We are excited to get away for a few days. The weekend after we get back is Tessa's senior prom. She is going with a really nice guy, and I hope she has a great time. She deserves it. We picked up her dress today, and I'm sure she'll look like the princess she is in it!
We are also in the process of looking for a new home. It will be hard to leave this one, where Brock and Tessa grew up, but due to circumstances beyond our control this house has been water damaged beyond repair. It sucks, but we really have no choice but to move. We're just starting the process, but I can already tell it is going to be stressful!!!!!
Tessa graduates from high school only 8 weeks after spring break. Doesn't seem possible. She has been doing a great job applying for scholarships, and has already accepted a couple. The more the better though! Even though Ball State's tuition is reasonable compared to many universities, it is still a stretch to think of coming up with that much money all at once. Cross your fingers for scholarships!
Lynn has also had a change at work. He has accepted a temporary placement as the Plant Manager for the Muncie Post Office. It is a job he is well qualified for, and has basically been doing for a couple of years, he just never "officially" got the recognition for it. It's a little more frantic than his regular job, but I think he's enjoying the change of pace at least for now.
As usual, we miss Brock daily. I'm hoping for a little guidance from him as we look at all these potential new houses. Wanna make sure he's happy with the new place! :) Thanks for keeping up with us. We appreciate it.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Saturday, February 16, 2008 12:31 AM CST
Hi Brock. As unbelievable as it seems, it is 4 years today since you left us here on Earth. In some ways it seems so long ago....so long since we heard your voice, your laugh, held your hand. Yet in other ways it still hurts just as if your leaving was brand new. We love you Brock, and we miss you every day. Thanks for the song on the radio today! :) We love our Superman!!!!!
Peace and Love,
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
<3
Monday, January 28, 2008 9:11 PM CST
Good evening all. Just a quick note to let you all know what is up with us. It is actually quite uneventful around here, for once!
School is going well. We are into our second semester and time seems to be flying by. We are making spring break plans, trying to do something a little different for Tessa's senior spring break. Texas is a state none of us have been to, so it looks like it will be the destination of choice this year. San Antonio, to be exact. Weather, shopping, attractions, and enough history to satisfy my history teacher gene. Hope it turns out well!
Lynn got a nice pat on the back at work, which he definitely deserved! It is a temporary promotion, a "detail" as the Post Office calls it, but he is now actually in charge of operations for the Muncie plant. He has been doing a lot of the work already so it is nice for his to actually get the recognition.
Tessa is up to her elbows in scholarship application, college paperwork, and all the things that go along with finishing her senior year of high school. We could not be prouder of her. She has been through hell and come out of it a beautiful, bright, compassionate, awesome person. I can only hope and pray the life gives her all of the riches she deserves and has worked hard for. Keep your fingers crossed for those scholarships for us! :)
Brock's 4th angel anniversary is coming up way too soon. It is already gnawing at the back of my thoughts. I know I can't change it, but it still is so painful to deal with every year. We love him and miss him just as much today as ever.
Thanks for checking in on us. The next few months will bring so many changes in our lives. Any good vibes will be appreciated!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Monday, December 24, 2007 4:40 PM CST
Merry Christmas Eve everyone! I hope this holiday season finds you and yours safe, happy, and peaceful.
That being said.....we're in the middle of an unexpected Christmas "miracle" of sorts....and NOT the good kind! Apparently our water line has sprung a leak, soaked the floor in our utility closet, and caused the water heater to take an unexpected vacation. Grrrreat! What's a little lack of water amongst family members? Good thing Grandma Susie is in charge of dinner tomorrow....at least we'll get fed, even if we can't shower!
Other than that, the holidays have been busy, as usual. Tessa has been putting in a boatload of hours at the bakery. They opened a temporary store at the Muncie Mall to sell baked goods, popcorn, candy, etc., and she has been working there. She likes it, but I think she's ready for a break during her break from school.
I am thrilled to be on break myself. I have this list of things I would like to accomplish, but if things go as they usually do, my list is bigger than my ability or level of concentration. ;) Lynn has been working his tail off...busiest time of the year for the Post Office, you know. I think he's ready for the stress level to come down some too.
I miss Brock like crazy. Tessa wrote a great essay about him being the most influential person in her life, and used it for a scholarship application. Brock always loved Christmas, and it is still strange to not buy stuff for him. I hope he is looking down at knowing how much we wish he was physically here. We love you Brock! Merry Christmas!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Thursday, December 6, 2007 8:34 PM CST
Happy Holidays all! I can't believe Christmas is SO close! I have to be honest and say that I'm not really in the mood this year. I have offered several times to just skip the whole deal, plant myself on a beach somewhere, and just forget it. But for some reason no one else here will take me up on that offer!
School is almost out for break. I am truly looking forward to it. It has been a busy, stressful fall and I am glad to have some time off. Tessa is really enjoying her job at the bakery and is stashing away some cash too! Not a bad deal!
BIG NEWS for Tessa! She has been accepted into college! YAY! Not that we thought it would be a problem, but it was very exciting for her to receive that packet in the mail making her an official college student! She plans to go to Ball State University here in Muncie and major in Telecommunications. She wants to study radio broadcasting. Finally, a chance to get paid for all the talking she does! ;) Congratulation Tessa! We are VERY proud of you, and I'm sure Brock is too! Now, get some scholarships!!!!!
Thank you for stopping by to check in on us. My wish for all of us this holiday season is peace, love, and happiness, in all it's forms.
Peaceful holidays,
LeeAnn
Saturday, October 27, 2007 5:53 PM CDT
Wow, I suck big time at keeping this thing updated these days! If you check here often, please forgive me. Really, honestly, it's NOT that I don't think of Brock every day, but sometimes writing down what I feel gets hard. But I'll keep on trying!
We just finished Fall break at school. It was certainly nice to have 4 days off. We did some work around the house, trying to get it ready to possibly list it for sale after the holidays. The housing market here in Indiana is as bad as it is in other places around the country, so we're keeping our fingers crossed that this is the right thing to do. It will be hard, since this is the house our kids grew up in, but with Tessa graduating this spring (with straight A's, I might add!) and going off to college it seems like a good time to make a move. Time will tell I guess.
Speaking of Tessa, she has been interning at a bakery in Muncie and loves it. She loves to cook, especially baking, and is even thinking of possibly having a culinary minor in college. Well, apparently she is doing quite well as an unpaid high school intern, so they offered her a for real, paying, part time job! Whoo hoo! My entertainment budget may have just lowered significantly! :) Today was her first day to work for pay, 8 straight hours, and she is a tired girl! She likes it though, so that is a good thing. The owner told us today that he would like to keep her on part-time while she is in college. Sounds like a plan to me!
Not much else going on here. School, Tessa, Lynn, and the gym are pretty much where my time goes. :) Thank you all for continuing to check Brock's website and leave us messages, even though I'm really bad at updating anymore. I still look at it frequently, even if I don't have the where with all to actually write something. We still, and will always, appreciate everyone remembering us and Brock.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Thursday, August 23, 2007 5:57 AM CDT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROCK! Just like in the Beatles song, "it was 20 years ago today......". I can't believe you would be 20 today! Wow, I feel really old. ;) I also can't believe you have been gone over 3 years now. It seems so much more recent than that. I still listen for you to come in the door sometimes. I wonder what you would be doing at college and in life. But I am so thankful and glad to have had you in my life for the years you were here. You were an awesome person and you don't know how much you touched everyone's life around you.
Happy birthday son. Watch for the balloons today! We love you!
Peace,
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Monday, July 23, 2007 6:21 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Man, it has been quite a while since I updated this page! Sorry, it certainly doesn't mean that I value all of your support any less, but sometimes things just don't go as you plan....as you all know!
Summer has been great around here. We took a vacation to Destin, FL with the Ervins at the end of June. We spent July 4 on the beach watching fireworks from our beach chairs. Further confirmation for me that I should spend EVERY 4th of July on the beach for the rest of my days! It was awesome. Our condo was very nice, and we really enjoyed the company of our friends. Again, couldn't find a good reason to come home! Tessa did a college visit at University of West Florida while we were there and we both really liked it. She may consider transferring down there in a couple of years. Anyone from around Pensacola? Would love some inside info on the area!
We are taking another trip to FL next week, this time to West Palm Beach. It is just the 3 of us this time. This was actually our "scheduled" family vacation for the summer, the Destin trip just happened to be a nice bit of luck. This will be our last escape for the summer. School starts back here August 13. It just gets earlier every year it seems like. Tessa will be a senior and is already getting tons of mail from colleges. Can't wait to see what she chooses....and how we're going to pay for it!
Please send good thoughts to our friend Cory Thomas. He had brain surgery last week to correct a (thankfully) non-cancerous defect. He did well, but it was a complicated surgery. His mom Nancy is our school nurse and was SO very helpful with Brock during his days at school. Please keep the Thomas family in your thoughts, as well as my friend Kim who will begin her second battle with breast cancer on Thursday.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Sunday, June 3, 2007 8:37 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Summer has finally arrived at the Barnard homestead. School ended for Tessa and I last Thursday....whew! We had to go 5 days longer than originally scheduled due to snow days back in February, which made for a very long last couple of weeks of school. The break was kind of nice in February but trust me, I would really have preferred being out of school 5 days earlier NOW than back then....especially since I personally could do without the entire month of February all together!
Even though school is out, we don't seem to have slowed down much here. Lynn's hours at work have been "temporarily" changed, at least for a month. Instead of working regular day hours, he will be working some evenings. Quite a change for a man his age! ;) But I'm sure he'll get through it fine. Tessa is still busy. She will be a senior next year, and has already started looking at colleges and majors. Her SAT scores were excellent, so college admission won't be a problem unless she chooses Harvard or Yale, which I don't think will happen. I'm so very proud of her. Both she and Brock did well in school, and I hope she finds a major that she will enjoy in college (and that will pay her bills!). I have some major cleaning and decluttering projects planned, but who knows how those will come out. I may just lollygag around for the summer, you never know.
Missing Brock a lot right now. He would be (SHOULD BE) coming home from college for the summer, hanging out with his friends, having fun. I can't believe he would be turning 20 this summer. How time flies.......
Thanks for stopping by. We appreciate all the folks who stop by here. Until next time.....
Peace,
LeeAnn
Sunday, May 13, 2007 9:21 AM CDT
Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers in my life. Thank you Brock and Tessa for making me your mother. I love you both and am so proud of both of you. Being your mom has been the best time in my life. Love you long time!
Peace,
Mom
Sunday, April 1, 2007 6:29 PM CDT
Hi all. Well, we have come to the end of another spring break, our 4th without Brock. We didn't really travel this year as we have in the past. We did take a 3 day trip to Cincinnati, about 2 hours south of here. We did the zoo, Newport Aquarium, ate and shopped. Nothing exciting but it was nice to get away for a few days. The weather was lovely, temps in the 80's, so it made it nice to be out around the Ohio River.
8 weeks of school left for us. We had to add 5 snow days on to the end of our school year so we are getting out later than normal, but nothing we can do about it. I am a senior class sponsor, so my friend Rebekah and I are in charge of putting together graduation. A much less daunting task than pulling off prom last year! The prom is this weekend, and Tessa is going with a group of friends. Her dress is beautiful, and she is excited to go. And I get to go to, just to watch, since I'm not in charge this year!
We continue to miss Brock every day. He would have liked the trip to Cincinnati....lots of sports stuff there and he was a sports fan big time! Thanks for continuting to check on us. We continue down our path, day to day.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Thursday, February 15, 2007 7:44 PM CST
Dear Brock,
It is nighttime and I am staring at the clock, anticipating the 3rd anniversary of your leaving us. I am missing you hugely! I am mad that you aren't here. I am lonely, missing your smile, your laugh, your sense of humor. Some days are easier now, but some are just as hard as they were 3 years ago. Your last days play over and over in my mind. I remember everything, but it seems like I can't remember anything. Sometimes it just hurts too much to even think about, but trust me, you are always on my mind and in my heart. I love you son, forever and always, and I miss you terribly. I hope you are at peace.....
Love you,
Mom
Thursday, January 18, 2007 8:30 PM CST
Happy New Year everyone! Sorry the greeting is a little late, but time seems to drift away anymore. Day to day, that's how it goes.
Happy Birthday to Tessa too! She turned 17 on Jan. 10. My baby girl is so grown up! It was a big week for her. She got her braces off Jan. 8, so that was kind of an early birthday present for her. She looks beautiful! She still has a tooth positioner that she is supposed to wear nightly for 6 weeks to help settle things in, but the wires and brackets are gone! Yay Tessa!
The second semester of school has started and seems to be flying by. I have kind of a challenging schedule this semester, but hopefully I will adjust. If not it's going to be a LONG few months. Homecoming is in a couple of weeks, and since I am one of the Senior Class sponsors I have to supervise the building of the senior homecoming float. That will tie up a few of my evenings.
Not really much else going on here. If you have seen the new CBS show "Armed and Famous" it takes place in Muncie, about 4 miles from here! We are addicted to it, just to see if we know anyone getting in trouble. Kinda funny if you watch it.
Thank to all who continue to check on us. Brock's 3rd angel day is coming up soon, and truthfully it is hitting me very hard. Can't really describe it succinctly, but just tough to bear. Will post more later. We appreciate your support!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Monday, December 25, 2006 10:00 AM CST
Merry Christmas Brock! We love and miss you always! I can't believe this is the 3rd Christmas without you here with us. It sucks. But I know you are always with us in our hearts and minds. Please keep an eye on us, you know we need it!
And Merry Christmas to all our friends who continue to stop by and check on us. We love and appreciate you all!
Peace,
LeeAnn, Lynn, and Tessa
Saturday, November 18, 2006 5:29 PM CST
So many angels.....and for what reason?????
I'm writing today with a heavier than usual heart. It seems that many new young people are being taken from us lately, their families robbed of their smiles, love, and laughter. And I'm mad about it!!!!!
A wonderful young lady from our small town was killed Wednesday night in a needless car accident. She evidently did everything she could possibly do to avoid the car that came across the center line and right at her, even heading to the ditch to try not to be hit. But still the car slammed into her, killing her instantly. Again, I ask WHY??? And again, I am denied a useful answer.
I have also "met", via the internet, several new cancer angels. With each new loss, the anger in me returns. The never answered question of "why" still runs through my head. I suspect it will remain unanswered forever.
So, if you would, please remember Alyssa and her family and friends in your good thoughts and prayers. Far too many good kids are dying too young, and she is one of them. Thanks for stopping by and thinking of us, especially with the holiday season fast approaching. We appreciate your good thoughts.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Tuesday, October 17, 2006 4:59 PM CDT
Hi all. Just a quick note to let you all know that we haven't dropped off the face of the earth! :) I just don't seem to have the wherewithall to update very often. :(
Things are ok here. We are having some home maintainence issues that we are trying to get fixed. Lynn and I both hate dealing with that kind of stuff so it is a pain for us all. Hopefully we can get things taken care of before the snow starts to fly here in Indiana!
School is flying by. Fall break is this weekend but we don't have any fun plans. Tessa is working 2 of the 4 days so she's not planning much either. She is enjoying the paycheck, but getting a little frustrated with the job. I think her best plan is to marry well!!!! :)
My friend Kim is done with 4 of her 6 chemo treatments. Please continue to remember her and send good vibes her way. It is a tough regimine, and I'm sure she can use all the karma she can get.
Thanks for stopping by to check in on us. We continue to move forward in baby steps. The upcoming holidays will be tough, as usual, but we'll manage. Peace!
LeeAnn
Sunday, September 10, 2006 2:54 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Just a quick note to say thanks to everyone who remembered Brock on his birthday. We had our usual celebration....sparklers and balloons and singing and silliness. A good way to celebrate his life.
Things here are moving along "normally". School started August 15th, and Tessa is a junior this year. She is working a couple of evenings a week at Target, and is enjoying having a little of her own money to spend. I am teaching the same subjects as last year, health and world history, so I didn't have to do much changing of my plans for this year. At my age that's a good thing!
It was hard to see Brock's friends go off to college though. For me it was even harder than watching them graduate because it reminded me again of a new adventure in life that he's missing. That is a hard thing to take....knowing how much he is missing out on. Makes me angry sometimes.
Thanks again for stopping by. Please continue to remember my friend Kim as she continues her chemo for breast cancer. So far she is doing well, and we're all pleased about that. Keep the good vibes coming!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Wednesday, August 23, 2006 9:26 AM CDT
Happy birthday son! You would be 19 today....off to college, no doubt. We miss you and love you forever!!!!!!
Peace,
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Sunday, August 13, 2006 7:50 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Hope you all had a great summer! For me though, summer has come to an abrupt end. School starts tomorrow for the teachers, then the kids come on Tuesday. Another year of educating young minds! :)
It will be a strange year though. I am so used to having Brock's friends around, and since they graduated last spring I'm afraid I'll feel a little lost. Tessa will be a junior so I still have lots of kids around that I know, but it will still not seem quite right!
Tessa is not playing volleyball this year.....NOT by her choice, I might add. It was a tough thing for her to accept, but so far she has. I'm trying to keep my feelings to myself about it as much as possible, but we'll see....if you know me you know that keeping my mouth shut is NOT one of my strong points! :)
She did get a part-time job at Target though (our FAVORITE store!) and is liking that. Looks like about 3 evenings a week, which will hopefully keep her in gas and entertainment money. Mom and Dad are thrilled!
Brock's birthday is coming up on the 23rd. We will probably do the balloon launch and act silly at the cemetery like we have done in the past. I can't believe he would be 19 and going off to college. I also can't believe he has been gone 2 1/2 years. Sometimes I look at my life and wonder if all this is real, or if I am dreaming it!
That's about it from here. Gotta get myself ready for SCHOOL tomorrow. Please keep our friends Jeff and Kim in your thoughts. Jeff just returned from Russia and a 3rd round of stem cell injections for his paralysis. Kim has had her first round of treatments for breast cancer. I'm sure they would both appreciate the support.
Peace,
LeeAnn
Saturday, July 22, 2006 3:19 PM CDT
Hi all. Another lazy summer day here at our house. Tessa is at a baseball game (her new favorite sport to watch!) and Lynn is working outside. I am doing a whole lot of nothing, which I have gotten very good at this summer! :)
About the only thing we have accomplished around here, besides volleyball workouts for Tessa, has been to finally get some organization in Brock's room. For the last 2 years it has kind of been our catch all place and we had not yet gotten ourselves to go in there and clean, sort and organize. Well, a week or so ago we finally did it. We had already taken out most of the clothes that were special to us so Tessa rounded up what was left and folded them to go to be donated. We also bought a weight bench and put in there, and I am going to take my workout videos up there to have a quiet place to exercise. All of Brock's stuff is still in there, but I think he would approve of the use of the space. It is nice to go by there and have the door open and see the room in some sort of order.
School starts in just 3 weeks......ick! I love my job, but summer spoils me so badly! I love having time to myself and just being lazy. I guess I should have been born rich instead of so darn cute!!! ;) Once school starts volleyball season starts too, so we will be off to the races once again. Tessa will be a junior, busier than ever I'm guessing.
Well, that's about all from here. Please keep my friend Kim in your thoughts and prayers. She has been diagnosed with breast cancer and will undergo pretty intensive chemo. I know she can use the good vibes!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Wednesday, June 21, 2006 1:15 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Hope you all are enjoying the summer weather. I know I am! I HATE the cold so much, I am always ready for warm weather, and it seems to have made it's way to Indiana big time! Had some nasty thunderstorms this morning that brought Tessa downstairs in a hurry! At least one bolt of lightning hit VERY close to our house.
I am so far enjoying a pretty lazy summer, but I think that may change sometime soon! ;) Lynn has a couple of project ideas for our house that really need done, and I suppose he is going to expect me to help. Ick!
Tessa is still doing volleyball conditioning and summer practices. She is NOT a morning person and most of her volleyball is at 8 in the morning so it has been rough on her. She is enjoying her driving freedom, however, spending quite a bit of time running around with her friends. That's what being a kid is about though, right? Carefree teenage days, goofing off with friends. Boy, who doesn't remember those? :)
Thanks for checking in with us. We are really not up to a whole lot. Just regular daily stuff. Keep Brock and our family in your thoughts and prayers. We are always appreciative of them!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Monday, June 5, 2006 3:40 PM CDT
Hi all. Just got back from a family trip to Gatlinburg. My entire extended family shared a cabin for a week, and there was no blood shed! Pretty impressive! :)
Graduation was wonderful. I cried like a baby during the slide show presentation, which of course I did at the athletic senior night too, but it was really a nice tribute to Brock and the other seniors. I made it through my speech, evidently pretty coherently, because I had several comments of congratulations after it was over with. We were presented with Brock's cap and gown, and a memorial diploma. All in all a beautiful evening.
We are out of school for the summer now, and Tessa has started summer volleyball conditioning. Today was her first day, and she if feeling it! :) The other girls were going last week too, but with us being on vacation she is a bit behind. I'm sure the physical activity will do her good....just not necessarily at 8:00 in the morning! :)
Please keep our friend Jeff in your prayers. He is back in Moscow receiving a second round of stem cell injections for his paralysis. Keep hoping those little guys find their way to the correct location! Thanks for checking in....ready for summer here!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Wednesday, May 24, 2006 7:51 PM CDT
Hi all. Thanks so much to all of the many people who have visited this website over the last few year. I'm really not thinking of taking it down, but I do notice that my posts are becoming less frequent. The adoption of a new kind of "normal" routine I guess. But at any rate, thanks for sticking with us! :)
Mother's Day was ok. Unfortunately I was cursed with an inner ear infection which gave me heinous vertigo! I was spinning (literally!) out of control for nearly 2 weeks! It is better now, with only occasional bouts of dizziness. So the festivities were short, dinner at my sister in law's house, then back home so I could sit still. I thought about Brock a lot, and hugged Tessa as much as I could. Not very profound, but do-able.
Our next hurdle, and final school related function, the graduation ceremony Friday night for Brock's class. I am giving a very short speech, then I will ask Lynn and Tessa to join me onstage, along with the families of Brandon and Nicole, their other two classmates who have been lost to car accidents. We will be presented with their caps and gowns, instead of diplomas. Everyone at school, the class sponsors, my principal, the students, everyone wanted Brock and the other kids remembered. It will be tough, but very necessary not only for us, but for the kids too.
So, if you would please, send up a prayer or good thought for us all on Friday! Not only will our families need it, but truly everyone in Emens Auditorium will need strength to get through this. Thanks for caring!
peace,
LeeAnn
Tuesday, May 9, 2006 12:49 AM CDT
Wow, Mother's Day.....hadn't really thought about that one! I've survived two without him already, but I hadn't really considered the fact that this one is coming up so soon! Dang! Have to start gearing up for that I guess. :(
We will be presenting 4 scholarships this year in Brock's memory at Honors Night on Thursday. Normally we will give 1 per year, but since this is his graduating class we wanted to do more, and thanks to Nancy and all her helpers we have a nice sum of money to work with this year. I had 2 criteria on the application form, and applicants could choose which one they wanted to write an essay on. One was what hardships that, like Brock, they had faced in their lives. The other was how had Brock influenced their lives. We got lots of good applications, and choosing was hard. I hope the recipients know how much this means to us.
Graduation is quickly approaching, and I am still hoping for the strength to get through my short speech. I guess my strategy may be just not look up, read from the paper, and sit back down. Who knows though???????
Tessa will be finishing her sophomore year shortly, and beginning summer volleyball. As usual her grades are excellent and we are very proud of her. Today is the day that her 90 days probationary period expires for her drivers license and she can now drive with other people in the car. Not quite sure how I feel about that! She is a good driver, but as we all know teenagers are easily distractable and I worry about that. Some good friends of hers were in an accident a week ago and it is really scary. I hope she keeps that in mind!
Thanks for checking in. Send me any and all good thoughts over the next couple of weeks....we can surely use them!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Friday, April 7, 2006 8:18 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been awhile between updates. Some days nothing is happening, and other days everything is happening....for some reason I can't seem to find a happy medium!
Our spring break trip to Florida was wonderful....as usual I was hard pressed to find a good reason to come home. The weather was great, we got some quality pool time in (a requirement for me!), made a day trip to Cocoa Beach to get our feet in the sand, shopped, and visited Universal Islands of Adventure. (No offense to anyone who works at Universal, but it was not the best theme park we've ever been to!) The older I get, the more I REALLY think that I need to end up living down south. The Indiana-gray skies are really getting to me!!!
Only 33 days of school left for this year....it is almost unbelieveable! I have gotten several applications for Brock's scholarship, and we are looking through them now to choose recipients. Thanks to Nancy and the Brock team who put on the Brock Scholarship/Riley benefit, we have a good chunk of money to split between the scholarship fund and Riley hospital. Unofficial total is around $4,000.00. Thanks so much to everyone who helped out in any way! We intended to give 1 scholarship per year, but I think with this extra money, plus the fact that this is Brock's graduating class, we will be giving more than one this year. I am excited about that.
On to graduation.....how will that go??? I am looking forward to it with a combination of anticipation and dread. I am so proud of all Brock's friends, the ones I have known since they were little kids, seeing them graduate and move out into the world. BUT....of course, a HUGE chunk of my life is going to be missing from the ceremony! How do I handle that???? I am giving a short address to the class, hopefully staying on my feet for it and not hitting the floor! I worry about Tessa too...I know it will be hard for her too. But she is such a big hearted gal, I think she will be ok.
That's about it from here for now. A few more weeks of school and we can take a well deserved break. Thanks, as always, for continuing to check in on us. Keep us in your hearts and prayers as we cross yet another of these tough bridges in our lives!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Thursday, March 23, 2006 5:14 PM CST
Hi. Spring break is upon us, and Orlando is the destination of the year. I am really looking forward to seeing some sun and palm trees! The sun has been somewhat scarce in Indiana lately.
The benefit for Brock's scholarship and the Riley Children's Cancer Center was awesome last Saturday! All of the events were well attended and we really appreciate that. I didn't win at Vera Bradley/Longaberger bingo, but what the heck. I was also 0-5 shooting in the faculty vs. seniors basketball game that night, but oh well. At least I didn't fall down or stroke out.....that was a BIG plus for me! :) The faculty at my school was great, showing their support by playing in the game. We got our butts kicked by those senior boys, but it was a lot of fun. It did take a HOT bath and a day of rest to allow me to walk upright again however!!!!! Again, I want to thank Nurse Nancy and all the people who worked so hard to put this day together. I don't have a total yet, but when I do I'll let you all know.
Thanks so much for continuing to check in on us. Once again, we go off on vacation without Brock, but unfotunately we are getting more used to it. We are planning a day trip to Cocoa Beach, so we will write our messages to him in the sand like we have done before. Keep us in your good thoughts!
Peace, LeeAnn
Wednesday, March 8, 2006 5:45 PM CST
Hi everyone. Hope all is well with all our friends. Things here are going ok. Tessa is driving regularly now, and doing a good job. We are getting ready for our spring break trip to Orlando the last week of this month. With the unpredictable Indiana weather, I am ready for a major dose of sunshine!
Made it through Senior Night with the basketball team a couple of weeks ago. Brock was honored along with the other seniors on the team. We walked out with Matt Reese, one of Brock's best friends, and his family. They talked about Matt, then Brock. The entire gym gave Brock a standing ovation. That, of course, brought me to tears. Later, there was a reception for players, parents, and friends, complete with a senior slide show. I cried again during the slide show, but it was good to see Brock remembered along with his friends and teammates.
Our friend Nurse Nancy and a fabulous committee of Brock pals has worked tirelessly putting together a day of fun and activities on Saturday, March 18 to honor Brock, raise money for his scholarship, and raise money for Riley Kids Caring and Sharing. It is a way for us to contribute money to Riley Childrens Cancer Center. I don't remember if I mentioned this or not but Brock's oncologist, Dr. Jeff Goldman, passed away a few weeks ago of cancer. We will contribute money in honor of both Brock and Dr. G. The day includes a pancake breakfast, 5k run/walk, Vera Bradley/Longaberger basket bingo, euchre, faculty/senior basketball games, and dances. I am excited to be a part of it.
Finally, I invite you to visit www.impossibleisnothing.wordpress.com. It is the web blog of our friend Jeff Snell, who was paralyzed last May in a car wreck just a few days before graduation. Jeff is in Russia receiving stem cell treatments for his paralysis. Please visit Jeff's site, leave a comment of encouragement, and send good thoughts his way. They will be in Russia for a couple more weeks. Thanks for stopping by!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Monday, February 20, 2006 4:18 PM CST
Hi everyone. Thanks so much for all the words of encouragement and rememberance on Brock's second angel day. It meant a lot to us!
We spent the day very low key. It was somewhat "easier" than last year, although I don't really know if that is the right term or not. Tessa and I went to school and Lynn went to work, as usual. After we all got home, we, along with Prissy, went out to the cemetery. We were going to take flowers but the wind was absolutely fierce that day, and I was afraid they would end up who knows where, so we skipped that. We only had a little time at the cemetery before it started to rain. Lynn had kind of a cool idea. The headstones at Gardens of Memory are flat, with a vase that stores down inside the stone. When you take the vase out to set it up there is a hole underneath. Lynn thought we should put pennies in there, since we didn't have flowers. We all scrambled through our change, and Prissy found some 1987's (his birth year) and some 2004's (his passing year). We dropped the pennies in and put the vase back. Kinda cool! Dinner at BW3 ended the evening. We made it through, that's what counts!
Thanks again for keeping us in your thoughts! We have several more "Brock moments" coming up this spring so keep the good thoughts coming!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Thursday, February 16, 2006 2:52 PM CST
Today marks 2 years since Brock left us. Our lives are so empty in so many ways! He should be 18, loving life, living it to it's fullest!
We miss you Brock, and love you forever! Keep an eye on us, especially your little sister with her new drivers license! Fly high Superman!
Peace!
Love you,
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Sunday, February 12, 2006 4:52 PM CST
SHE DID IT!!!! Congratulations to Tessa.....she passed her drivers test on Thursday, making her a real live, legal, licensed driver!!! Whoo hoo! Now, where are my nerve meds??? :)
Made it through a couple of Brock-related things last week. First, I had to pick photos and write a blurb for his senior ad in the yearbook. I chose one of my favorite pics of him, taken shortly after his brain surgery in Oct. 2003. Thanks Melinda, for getting it put together for the yearbook! Then, there was homecoming. The theme was Superheros, and of course the senior class chose Superman. I will upload some pics shortly, but they are on our other computer so I will have to do it from there. Their float was AWESOME, and won the float competition. They also paid tribute to Nicole and Brandon on their float, 2 other classmates they have lost to car accidents. I am now the proud owner of the giant plywood Superman from the float, which the custodians at school are going to hang on my wall for me. Thanks!
Update: I got the homecoming float photo uploaded, but it is HUGE! Sorry!
This week will be difficult. Brock's second angel anniversary is Thursday. I think we will keep it low key...not a celebration like his birthday in August with the sparklers and singing and general silliness. Tessa and I are both going to school, which we didn't do last year. Then later we will take flowers to the cemetery and have dinner at BW3. Thanks Tessa and Prissy for helping me work out the plan. You are good helpers! :)
Got blasted with snow this weekend here in Indiane, which I HATE!!!! I am SO ready for spring! Looking forward to our spring break trip to Orlando with the Ervins. Give ma some sun, a palm tree, and flip flops, and I am in my element.
Thanks for checking in with us. We are plugging along. Very busy, it seems, but sometimes not busy enough. Peace!
LeeAnn
Saturday, January 21, 2006 8:09 PM CST
Hi everyone. Well, we made it.....Tessa turned 16 a few days ago! Whoo hoo! Now just a few weeks until she can get that all-important drivers license! As little as she is home now, we may have to wake her up in the middle of the night just to talk to her! :)
Everything else is ok. School is flying by, gearing up for a busy time for me. I have a student teacher with me this semester, which means A LOT of paperwork to do! Also, I am one of the sponsors for the junior class, and we have to do a float for homecoming (no football team at our school, so we have a basketball homecoming) AND put on the prom! Several things are in the works to honor Brock too, as his class graduates this spring. Our good friend Nurse Nancy is spearheading a basketball fundraiser next month to raise money for both Riley Hospital and to award a memorial scholarship in Brock's name. We have a scholarship set up, thanks to my parents, but this is going to be a one-time separate gift for a member of his class. Nancy has put together a wonderful team of people who knew Brock well and cared deeply about him, so I'm sure it will be an awesome event! Thank you Nancy!
As the second anniversary of Brock's passing approaches I am filled with a variety of thoughts and emotions. I can't even begin to describe them here, at least until I have sorted them out a bit more. I don't know what we will do to mark the day, but it is much harder to acknowledge that day than it is his birthday with the balloons and sparklers! I am quite certain, however, that I have had some spiritual visits from him (those of you who don't believe in that stuff can skip down to the next paragraph!). I'm not a religious person by nature, but I have felt several times his presence with me, or seen things that I am pretty sure are signs from him. They are always a comfort, not nearly as much so has his physical presence, but I'll take what I can get! :)
Next on our "excitement agenda" is our spring break trip. Since Prissy is a senior this year, and her college schedule won't fit with ours from now on, this will probably be our last spring break trip with the Ervins. We are headed to Orlando this time....hoping for some nice weather, quality pool time, and overpriced tourist attractions! :) At least ONE of those is a sure bet.......
As always, thanks for stopping by and keeping us in your thoughts and prayers. We truly appreciate the continued support. Remember, Tessa gets her license next month, so step up the prayers! :)
Peace, LeeAnn
Saturday, December 31, 2005 7:23 PM CST
Hi everyone. In a few short hours we will say goodbye to yet another year. Where does the time go? Tessa will be 16 in 10 days, with a license to drive following a month later. I'm certainly feeling old right about now......
I can't believe Brock has been physically gone from us for nearly 2 years. I know his spirit lives on though, through us, his friends, and the people he touched, and for that I am thankful. We continue to miss him more than words can say. Thank you so much for continuing to check in on us, and to keep us in your thoughts and prayers.
I wish you all a happy and peaceful 2006!
Peace, LeeAnn
Saturday, December 24, 2005 8:20 PM CST
Merry Christmas Son! I hope your spirit is flying high tonight, looking over us as we go on about our lives without you here. We love you and miss you!!!!!
Peace,
Mom, Dad and Tessa
Tuesday, December 13, 2005 6:00 PM CST
Hi everyone. Hope you are gearing up for the holidays, however you choose to celebrate them. Things here are ok. I personally can't muster up a lot of holiday spirit, but I'm doing the best I can. Random retail therapy...I have been doing a lot of that. Tessa is pumped....she is working 10-15 hours a week, giving her just enough spending money to be dangerous. :) The next few weeks will be cool for her....Christmas, New Years, and then her 16th birthday!!! Keep your fingers crossed for us! :)
The Conseco Fieldhouse game was very cool.....Brock would really have loved it. We didn't win, but the chance to play in an arena that size was awesome for the guys. We are going back to Conseco next week for a Pacer's game as part of a night sponsored by the Post Office, where Lynn works. I love going there so that will be a fun night.
Only 4 1/2 days of school left for this semester. I have NO idea where the time has gone! Only 1 semester left till Brock's class graduates.....not sure how I'm feeling about that. We've had one snow day already, as we got hammered with snow last Thursday. ICK! I am so NOT a winter person! Where is that tiki hut again??????
As always, thanks for checking in on us and continuing to celebrate Brock's amazing life. Lynn, Tessa and I really appreciate the opportunity to continue to share his memory with so many people.
Peace, LeeAnn
Saturday, November 19, 2005 6:09 PM CST
Hi everyone. Here is is, almost a month between postings. Sorry about the lapse, but it seems to be my normal time span now.
Things are going ok. I am having the tendency to think too much right now, with the holidays approaching. I don't know why that is making a difference in my thought process, but it is. Kind of hard to explain.......it's not like I miss him more now than any other time, it just feels worse during the holidays I guess. Too darn much cheer around!!!!!
I wrote in my last posting that there were some suggestions for honoring Brock and his two deceased classmates at graduation. Well, here is what I think is going to happen. Their three chairs will be left empty on the stage at the graduation ceremony, with a cap and gown draped across each one. After the diplomas are awarded to the graduates, the cap and gowns are going to be given to Brock, Brandon, and Nicole's families. Hoping I can make it through that!
Tessa has started dance full swing now that volleyball is over. She takes two dance classes, and practices 2 days a week with the high school dance team. AND....(read in some excitement here!)...she started a Christmas season job today! YAY!!! She worked for some friends of ours at their fireworks store during July, and they asked if she would be interested in working at the kiosk they set up during the holiday season at our mall, selling ornaments and stuff like that. OF COURSE she was interested! Takes some of the pressure off mom and dad to finance her entertainment budget, AND she gets to hang out at the mall! How cool is that for an almost-16 year old girl! :)
Our basketball team has a very cool opportunity this Wednesday. They are playing a game down in Indianapolis at Conseco Field House, home of the Indiana Pacers! It is called the KeyBank Tipoff Classic, and Brock would have LOVED it! We are going, the dance team is dancing, and our band and cheerleaders are doing their thing! Hoping like crazy that Brock looks down and enjoys the evening too!
Well, that is about all from here. As usual, I will try to make more timely updates, but again, as usual, I can't promise anything! Thanks so much for continuing to check in on us!
Peace, LeeAnn
Sunday, October 23, 2005 9:40 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Been about a month since my last entry, so I thought I should put a little something new here! Things are going ok for us. Fall is usually my favorite time of year, but a little depressing too, as the days get shorter and the darkness longer.
Volleyball is over for this season. The Wapahani Raider girls volleyball team won the Delaware County Tournament a few weeks ago, and had a successful season, with JV and varsity both having winning records. The season came to an end last night however, with a loss in the final round of sectional play. Great season girls! Now we have a little break until basketball starts. Tessa doesn't play basketball, but the dance team performs at several games.
We have been on fall break this weekend. We had Friday off from school, so Tessa and I and Molly and Prissy took a shopping day to Indianapolis. Big fun! We are off tomorrow too, so it has been a nice break. Always look forward to those little breaks from school!
Speaking of school, thanks to everyone who made suggestions regarding remembering Brock and the other 2 kids from his class at graduation. I think they are going to do a couple of nice things for the 3 families, which will be a good tribute to the kids. The plans are still in the works, but as soon as they are finalized I will post them. Thanks again for all the suggestions!
That is about it from here. Thanks so much for continuing to visit Brock's site. It is so important to us that his memory live on. Please keep my colleague Jason Hunt and his family in your good thougts and prayers....his 4 month old daughter Aiden passed away this week from complications from heart surgery. It is a difficult time for them and they can use the good vibes. Peace......
LeeAnn
Tuesday, September 27, 2005 6:51 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been so long between entries, but really nothing much is going on here. School is going ok for both Tessa and I. We had ISTEP/GQE testing last week....Tessa took the GQE and I administered ISTEP to freshmen. A fog delay on Wednesday kind of messed up the schedule, but everything worked out fine. Back to our regular routine of school and volleyball this week. The volleyball team continues to do well, and Tessa seems to be getting stronger each game. County Tourney is coming up this week, so good luck to the varsity girls as they battle for the county championship!
The subject of graduation came up at school the other day, and got me thinking. Brock would have graduated this year, and his classmates would like to do something to remember him, and two other classmates they have lost, at graduation. They asked me for suggestions, and I was blank. If anyone out there has any suggestions for me, I would really appreciate it! I don't seem to be able to think that far ahead anymore!
Thanks so much to the folks who continue to check in on us. I know it has been over a year and a half since Brock passed away, and some days are still bad for us. Many days are better though, and that is a blessing. As I read the posts from the parents on my online support group I realize that this is an ongoing process.....one step forward and two steps back. I am also always shocked and saddened when a new member joins our group, as that means another family has to walk this walk. It is strangely comforting, however, to realize that we are not alone. NOT that I would wish this on ANYONE, but it does help to know that others share our dilemna. So, for everyone who continues to check Brock's website, thank you so much! It means everything to us that Brock NEVER is forgotten! Peace.....
Monday, September 5, 2005 6:56 PM CDT
HI everyone. Thanks to everyone who posted or emailed or thought about us on Brock's birthday. It went well, all things considered. Tessa and I took balloons to school to put on Brock's memorial bench. The basketball team had a flower arrangement there too, and by afternoon another balloon bouquet appeared from Pastor Jim and Harris Chapel. Tessa had a volleyball game (they won!) and was able to leave after the junior varsity match. (Thanks Erica!) We (Lynn, Tessa, Prissy and I) met my parents out at the cemetery with the balloons and sparklers. We wrote notes on the balloons and set them free, then lit the sparklers and acted like goofballs, singing happy birthday and our school song. :) Dinner at Taco Bell ended the evening, where we ended up running into some of Brock and Tessa's friends. All in all, it was an ok day. I try really hard to keep his birthday a celebration day, because that is what it is. Not that I don't miss him like crazy that day, but I try to focus on how lucky I was to have him for as long as I did, and how glad I am that he was in my life.
As far as life here goes, we are up to our eyebrows in volleyball! Tessa is doing really well this season playing on the junior varsity team, especially considering that this time last year she was totally restricted from physical activity due to her back surgery. Strength is her major issue, which will come back in time with volleyball workouts, gym class, and weight lifting. 2-3 games a week for about 2 months, and practice on the days in between keep us busy. I don't mind though, as volleyball is one of my favorite sports. I am glad to see her smiling and playing and hanging out with her friends.
We accomplished a whole lot of nothing this Labor Day weekend. Volleyball tournament on Saturday, a little shopping on Sunday, basic household stuff today. The 3 day weekend just flew by, and its back to school tomorrow. We are settling into our regular routine and it is kind of a comfort. Thanks to everyone who continues to check on us. Please sign the guestbook if you are here. Have a great week!
Tuesday, August 23, 2005 6:09 AM CDT
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROCK!!!!!!
18 years ago today, you came into this world a little earlier than planned. I was scared and nervous, since I had never been a mom before! 18 months ago you left this world a whole lot earlier than planned, and I am still scared and nervous, still not quite sure how to handle the emptiness you left behind. Most days are better, but some are still very hard. I love you son, forever and always!!!!!!!
I wonder what you would be doing now? You would be a senior, and probably having a blast since you had your schedule all figured out so that you didn't have to take any math this year! :) You would probably be looking at colleges, probably at computer programs. How many cars would you have gone through by now? ;) Would you be in love? Would you have that job at Finish Line that you wanted so badly, so you could get a discount on shoes?
These are the kinds of things I wonder about...at least some of them. I also wonder how you are right now, and what you are doing. I wonder if you can see us. If you can see us, keep an eye out tonight....we'll be the goofballs at the cemetery with balloons and sparklers!!!! :)
Happy birthday, son. You and your sister have been the joys of my life. I hope your 18th birthday is the best one yet!
Peace and Love, Mom
Saturday, August 13, 2005 9:54 AM CDT
Hi everyone. Well, summer is officially over here. I started back to school with teacher's meetings yesterday, and the kids come back Monday. Where in the world did the summer go???? The only thing I really got accomplished was cleaning out my closet....and that only happened because one of the shelves fell! :) Motivation comes in many forms, evidently!
We enjoyed our trip to Missouri. Branson was interesting, kind of a "Gatlinburg meets Las Vegas" sort of atmosphere. We shopped, ate, saw a show, went to Dixie Stampede, drove go karts, and went out to Table Rock Lake. On the way home we stopped in St. Louis for a night, and went to the zoo and Union Station. It was awesome! Probably one of the best zoos we have ever been to. Downtown St. Louis was really nice too, very clean and well kept. I would definitely go back there again to see some more of the city and some of the other things to do, but Tessa was anxious to get home to her friends.
Tessa has had volleyball practice every morning for the last week, and is working hard to get back into shape for the season. Their season starts next week and goes through October. Right now she is on the JV team, but hopes to play well enough to move up to Varsity before the end of the season. After laying off a year after her back surgery, getting back into shape has been a little tougher on her than I think she thought it would be, but she is doing well. I am anxious to see her play again. She was a manager last year, but watching her play is much more fun! She has been going out to school with me this week, seeing her friends at registration and helping me get my room ready. She is anxious to be back into the school social scene, but not so much ready for the classes. :)
Brock's birthday is August 23, so keep him (and us)in mind. I can't believe he would be turning 18....just seems so unreal. It will be a difficult year at school, watching his friends do all their "senior" stuff without him. Some of his friends have had senior pictures taken, and have managed to include him in some way, like with a Superman symbol or basketball jersey. I really appreciate that. Their senior class has lost 3 kids, so I want to be sure that something is planned to remember them at graduation. It was already mentioned to my by a class sponsor, so we'll see what we come up with.
Thanks for stopping by to check in. Please sign the guest book if you are here. We still get great strength from your entries! Peace.....
Friday, July 29, 2005 10:24 AM CDT
Hi everyone. Well, summer seems to be winding down here for us, unfortunately. We are heading out to Branson, Missouri for a short family vacation this weekend, then one more week of summer vacation after we get back and school starts. I have to go back for meetings on Aug. 12, and the kids come back Aug. 15. I have NO idea where this summer went! And frankly, I'm not too happy that it's almost gone! ;(
Tessa had a good time last week at Dance Team Camp at school. They learned several new dances from a couple of gals who are Indianapolis Colts cheerleaders. Tessa loves to dance, and really enjoys being on the dance team. Glad she had fun learning some new stuff. I, on the other hand, have accomplished absolutely nothing this summer! :) I have managed to read a few books off of my stack, but there are several more that may have to be kept till later. Once school starts, my leisure reading time dwindles to almost nothing....
That's about it from here. Thanks to everyone who continues to check in on us. We appreciate it! And if you could, please send out some good thoughts for our friend William and his mom Maria....William will be ending his battle with cancer very soon.....
Sunday, July 17, 2005 11:37 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Tessa has been on me to update Brock's page, so I better get at it! Don't want the Princess upset! :) Love you Princess!!!!!
We have gotten a couple of bits of good news lately to share. First, Tessa had a checkup with her cardiologist this month, complete with treadmill stress test and MUGA scan for her heart. According to her doctor, her heart is doing fine! She was born with a congenital heart defect which was repaired surgically when she was 18 months old, and we were told at the time she would probably need a follow-up repair in her late teens or early 20's. So far so good though, which is good news for her! All of her tests came back in the normal range, so just wait and watch. Second, she saw her back surgeon last week for her 1 year (a little late!) checkup with him following her spinal fusion surgery, and he released her to go back to playing volleyball! Whoo hoo!!!! She doesn't even need to continue to follow up with him, unless her back starts to give her problems. A VERY successful surgery, which we are all grateful for! Thanks once again to the wonderful, caring people at Riley Hospital for taking care of her!
Not much else going on. Only about 4 weeks till school starts up again....WHERE has the summer gone???? We are taking a short family trip to Branson, Missouri at the end of the month, then by the time I get my room in order school will start! I swear, the older I get the faster time goes!
That's about all from here. Our friend Jeff is HOME (YAY!) and working on getting better every day. Please keep their family in your good thoughts, as well as our little friend Spencer Mattson's parents....Spencer earned his angel wings a few days ago......
Thanks for checking on us! We still appreciate it!
Saturday, July 2, 2005 8:17 PM CDT
Hi everyone, and Happy Independence Day weekend! Hope the weekend brings all of you a well deserved vacation and some quality time with family and friends.
We are all home safe and sound from our various journeys last week. Lynn was in Oklahoma for some training for work, and Tessa and I took a short trip to Orlando for some shopping and a day of Disney. Tessa and I had a wonderful time....she is quite a good shopping companion. I have taught her well! We had one day left on some Disney passes from a couple of years ago, so we used them up. That was fun too, because several times we were able to jump ahead in the ride lines because they needed parties of just 2 to fill the ride. It was a long day, we got rained on a little, but all in all a very fun trip. We have decided we need to take a girl bonding trip every year now.....we just have to talk her dad into it! :)
Lynn's trip was ok, although I think he was jealous of the fun we were having in Florida without him. I can't imagine postal training in the middle of Oklahoma could compare to Disney World, but that's just me. He did have a luggage problem on the way home....he got back to Indianapolis, but his bag only made it to Atlanta! Not a big crisis though, as they sent a courier here with his bag today. Kind of sums up his week though, I think.
We don't have much planned this weekend. Tessa is working for some friends who have a fireworks store, so she is busy making some spending money to pad her wallet for the rest of the summer. Whoo hoo!!! That means less money out of Mom's wallet to keep her entertained! We are going to have dinner with some friends on the 4th and watch fireworks from a lake near their house. The kids will do some fireworks too, which always makes me a little nervous, but what the heck. You're only a kid once....age wise at least!
The thought jumped into my head today that tomorrow is 11 years since Brock's initial cancer diagnosis. When I realized the date, all kinds of memories came flooding into my mind. The initial shock, fear, tears, all that of course, but the one that sticks out most is the fact that he had surgery on the 4th to remove his tumor and kidney, and he was SO MAD that he missed the fireworks! Typical Brock! So please, if you would, think kindly of our family tomorrow. This may be one of those days that slip up and smack you in the face......
Our friend Jeff continues to recover, and was due to come home from the rehabilitation hospital last week. I haven't talked to his parents since we have been back, so I'll check in and let everyone know. Thanks for the prayers and good thoughts you have sent to the Snell family!
Well, that's about it from here. Have a happy and safe 4th!
LeeAnn
Tuesday, June 21, 2005 10:13 AM CDT
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been so long between updates. Just trying to enjoy our summer here, which seems to be dashing by.
Tessa and I made it through the dance revue with no major errors, so that was a good thing, at least for me! It makes me really nervous to dance in front of people like that, but what the heck. Tessa looked beautiful in her ballet costume especially, and did a really nice job. I was very proud of her.
We are all getting away for a few days next week, although not together. Lynn has to go to Oklahoma for training for his job, so Tessa and I decided we would take off for a few days too. We are heading down to Orlando for 4 days of shopping and Disney. We had 1 day left on our Disney passes from a couple of years ago, so we thought we would use them before she gets too old to want to go! :) I have been watching the weather though, and I think Lynn may be getting the better end of the deal....it has been pretty stormy in Florida all week! Oh well, at least we will be out of Indiana for a bit!
On a sad note, please send good thoughts to the Mathis family. Hayley earned her wings this morning after a fierce battle with Wilms. Leave them a note at www.caringbridge.org/ne/haleygirl. Very unfair that more families have to start down this road.
Well, that's about all from here. Don't have any new news about our friend Jeff, when I get some I will post it. Thanks for checking in!
Wednesday, June 8, 2005 1:47 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Well, it seems that summer has come full force to Indiana in the past few days! The temps have been in the high 80's, and I think the humidity is about the same! Not complaining, though....remember, I am the one who loathes cold weather!
I took Tessa and a friend down to see our friend Jeff yesterday. He is doing very well in the rehabilitation hospital, so that is good news. He is learning how to use a wheelchair, maneuver himself in and out, and generally do stuff. His legs are still not cooperating, but the doctors are not ruling anything out, and if I know Jeff, he will do whatever it takes to get up and walking again! Please keep the Snell family in your thoughts and prayers!
We are doing ok here. Tessa and I will be participating in Molly's Dance Gallery's annual Dance Revue on Friday and Saturday night. It is NOT one of my favorite things to do...makes me REALLY nervous, but we do it anyway. That will end dance for the summer for us, but Tessa has started summer conditioning for volleyball (ssshhh....don't tell Dr. Didelot, he doesn't see her till July to officially release her after her back surgery!), so she is keeping plenty busy. I am trying to get some long neglected housework done, but it just isn't very interesting!
Thanks to everyone who took flowers to Brock's grave for Memorial Day. I know who some of them were from, but others are a mystery. Thanks for remembering him! We just continue to move slowly through life, trying to adjust to a new normal as much as possible. Thanks for continuing to check on us.....hopefully the summer will be a safe, pleasant one for everyone!
Monday, May 30, 2005 6:10 PM CDT
Hi everyone, and Happy Memorial Day. Finally winding down a very busy time here, hopefully to get some rest the next few days.
Jeff, our friend who was injured in the wreck last week, has been moved from a regular hospital to a rehabilitation hospital. He is doing better, but still at this time is unable to use his legs. He is going through several kinds of therapy right now, so please continue to send your good thoughts to the Snell family. The can use all your support right now.
Made it through Graduation Friday night. Jeff was awarded his diploma in a video ceremony at the rehab hospital, and his mom Mary was on hand to say a few words. It was very moving, and everyone was touched. The next day, our boys volleyball team played for 1st place in the State Tournament, but got 2nd after 3 hard fought matches. The team, along with several parents and friends, took the trophy and a large card over to Jeff. He is a member of the team, and seemed happy to see everyone. It was good to see him, he looked good, and I think he is ready for the work that lies ahead of him. Not sure how well I'll do next year as Brock's class graduates, but one day at a time.
We went to the cemetery last night to visit Brock, and a couple of his friends who are there. The cemetery looked beautiful with all the flowers, and hundreds of huge American flags lining the driveways. It was pretty, but my kid STILL shouldn't be there!!!!!! Worked in the yard yesterday and today, got my flowers planted and Lynn mowed the yard. I'm not much into gardening, but I do like a few annuals around to add some color. Glad to have the planting done though.
Well, that's about it from here. Tessa and my last day of school was last Friday, so we are now officially on summer vacation, and I am ready! I think we need some rest, so hopefully we will get it. Thanks for checking in, and for continuing to support the Snell's. We appreciate it!
LeeAnn
Monday, May 23, 2005 9:25 PM CDT
Hi everyone, and thanks for stopping by. A lot has been going on here, so I will update you all as best I can.
First, I need to ask for your prayers, good thoughts, positive vibes, whatever you can send for the Snell family. They are friends of ours, their kids friends of Brock and Tessa. Saturday night their son Jeff was in a car accident that has left him unable to use his legs. They do not know at this time if this is temporary or permanent, but we are all hoping for the best. Jeff is to graduate from Wapahani this coming Friday, and had just been awarded a full scholarship to the Air Force Academy. He is a great kid, and they are an awesome family! Please remember Jeff, his sister Rachel, and parents Mary and Steve in your good thoughts!
School is rapidly drawing to a close here. Friday is our last day, and honestly I am ready. I have really enjoyed this year, my first year teaching at the high school level, and it has gone by very quickly. But it has been a struggle too. Brock's friends will all be seniors next year, and that will be tough. I have been avoiding graduation open houses for the most part, because it is, unfortunately, a reminder of yet another thing I won't get to experience with Brock. Graduation Friday will be hard too, but I am going to go and be with my colleagues as we send another group of kids out into the world. Several of the graduates have been around my house for many years, and I don't want to miss their graduation. Still......very hard.
Tessa has a nasty cold, and is feeling pretty crummy. Nothing like having to take her finals while her nose drips constantly! :) She is doing well though, although I can't imagine that I am old enough to have an adorable almost-sophomore in high school for a daughter! I may be in for some trouble in the future!
That's about it from here. Thanks so much for checking in, and please, remember the Snell family in your daily wishes. We are all pulling for them!
LeeAnn
Sunday, May 8, 2005 9:07 AM CDT
Hi everyone. It's Mothers Day, and I'm feeling kind of down, so I thought I would write a quick update. I miss Brock terribly today, even more than other days. I think I'll take a trip to the cemetery today alone, just to have some quiet time to let it all out. Have to do that occasionally. I am so proud to have been able to be Brock and Tessa's mom. They are both great kids, and I know how lucky I am to have had them. I see so many kids, at school and other places, that don't have nearly the drive or spirit that my kids do. I am truly blessed to have had them, even if it wasn't for long enough!!!!!
In other news, I am now the proud owner of a Masters Degree in Secondary Education from Ball State University! Commencement was yesterday, but I didn't participate. Leave that to the young kids on their first go-round! I am pretty proud of myself for finishing it....I didn't really have much motivation after Brock left, but now I'm glad its done. Now I guess I have to find a new goal in life!
That's about it from here. My breakfast has just been delivered (Lynn went to get biscuits and gravy!) so I'll let my family start adoring me now. Thanks for checking in, we appreciate you all!
LeeAnn
Sunday, May 1, 2005 9:52 AM CDT
Hi everyone. Ok, I lied about spring coming to Indiana....it WAS in the 80's for a few days, but less than a week later we had snow sticking to the ground! Certainly makes life interesting! Not to mention morning wardrobe choices!
4 more weeks of school left here, and I think Tessa and I are both ready! She just finished Drivers Education last week, and is doing a really good job chauffering us around. Her driving is much improved since the first time we let her drive, so that is good. I feel much more comfortable riding with her now!
I have 1 class meeting left Tuesday, and my Masters degree will be done! I have finished my on-line class, and am ready to get that diploma in the mail! It does get me a small pay raise next year, but I am mostly just glad to have it done. It also adds a few years onto the time between license renewals for me, so it could actually end up being about 8-9 years before I have to take another class again! Whoo hoo! I also got my teaching assignments for next year, so I can start to work on some of the things I will need to do for them. At least this summer will be a little more relaxed with no classes to take.
Tessa has chosen to drive Brock's Ford Explorer for her first vehicle. That has been kind of nice, although it is hard not to think of it as "his" truck. We had to have Kent come over yesterday and show us how to work the stereo, the darn thing was so complicated! :) I think we're good to go now though....we had some work done to it, oil change, new tires, etc. so I think she's ready to go.
Thanks for continuing to check on us. I know I don't update as often as I used to, but we still appreciate the good thoughts and support. I guess we have started to adjust to this "life" we have now. We still miss Brock every day, but it somehow seems to be easing up a bit. Thanks to everyone who remembers him too! Keep him (and us!) in your thoughts!
LeeAnn
Sunday, April 10, 2005 8:30 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Looks like spring has finally come here to Indiana, with great weather this weekend, up in the 70's...almost like Florida! And, only a few weeks of school left, which is always a plus!
I had a nice opportunity last night. It was our high school's Junior/Senior prom, and I chaperoned. It would have been Brock's junior prom, and I was a little nervous about chaperoning it. But it turned out beautifully. Tessa served at the refreshment table, so that was cool for her, since she's a freshman. All the kids looked great, behaved themselves, and had a nice time. The prom sponsors dedicated the song "Superman" by Five for Fighting to Brock, and pretty much everyone danced. It was nice to hear him remembered. It was also the Senior prom for several of Brock's close friends, and it was nice to be able to share it with them. I SO wish Brock could have been there! I can only imagine how nice he would have looked in a tux, a lovely girl dressed to kill on his arm.....sigh...it's these kinds of things that make me really realize how much I am going to miss without him. It just seems so unfair! Makes me mad......
The afterprom was at the Ball State Student Center, where they have bowling and pool tables and lots of other stuff for them to do. Tons of food, and plenty to keep them busy made the evening wind on. I finally left about 1:00, since I had another teacher and Tessa and a friend of hers with me, but it was fun to see the kids having fun. We really do have pretty good kids at our school, we are very lucky.
Another journey we have begun here is Drivers Education for Tessa. I remember writing in this journal about Brock's drivers ed experiences, now here I am at the same point with Tessa. So far she has done pretty well, but it is still nerve wracking to ride with a new kid driver. I hope I survive this one too! :)
That's about all from here. 7 more weeks of school, then summer break...yay! I have 4 more weeks of my Ball State classes, then my masters will be finished...another yay! Thanks for checking in with us, we still appreciate the support!
Tuesday, March 29, 2005 8:52 PM CST
Hi everyone. Well, spring break is over, and we are now back in the routine of school and work in lovely Indiana. I have been thinking constantly for the last 3 days about reasons to have come back here from Florida, and so far nothing has come to mind! We had a lovely vacation, great weather, WHY on earth would we come back here to 40 degrees and raining? ;)
Oh wait, now I remember....this is where we LIVE! :) I left that nice, clean, uncluttered condo to come back to my totally packed full house that looks like a tornado went through it...which at this time of year in Indiana, could very well happen! Oh well, maybe after Tessa graduates I can release my inner beach bum who is crazy to get out!
We really did have a nice time. The weather was nice, 85ish during the day, 70ish at night. Nice pool at the condo, the beach was just a couple minute walk. Tessa and I went out on a jet ski, which I had never done before. It was awesome, lots of fun, but of course if you have ever seen me drive you know going fast is my specialty! We didn't get to spend quite as much time with the Ervin's as we might have liked to, but we will take care of that next year. Got some shopping in for us girls, so all in all a successful vacation. Now of course we need a vacation to recover from our vacation!
We missed Brock alot, knowing how much he would have liked taking off on the jet ski or checking out the cute girls on the beach! We seem to be settling into a sort of "routine" without him, but that by no means indicates that we are not missing him every single day! It is so strange, we talk about him a lot, about things he would like, things he would do or say. But it seems like forever since he has been here...sometimes I almost feel like I dreamed him here. Very strange.......
Well, that's all for tonight. Thanks for checking in on us, we still appreciate the guestbook entries. Only 43 days of school left..... :)
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 7:09 AM CST
Hi everyone. This update comes to you from spring break in Ft. Lauderdale! So far things have been good here. We arrived on Friday, and today is the first day of cloudy weather we have had. We have been good kids, though, taking the sunning thing SLOWLY! The last time I was in Ft. Lauderdale I ended up with sun poisoning, laying in bed barfing for most of the week! :) That was college days stupidity, though, so thankfully this week has been much more fun!
We are staying at a place about a block from the beach, which is nice. Several pools, game room, stuff for the kids to do. The Ervins are staying about 45 minutes away in West Palm Beach, but we have been back and forth about every day. We are headed out for some outlet mall shopping today, taking a little break from the sun. The weather is good, about 80 during the day, and 65-70 at night.
We wrote a note to Brock in the sand when we got here, the kids thought that was cool. We will be back home on Saturday, and will write more then. Have a good week!
Monday, March 7, 2005 7:27 PM CST
Hi everyone. First, I want to thank everyone who remembered Brock's first angel day. It went ok for us, as ok as can be expected. We really appreciated all the entries in the guestbook here, the phone calls, and the decorations on Brock's bench at school. It is so good to know that he is still in so many people's hearts.
The day itself was not as bad as the anticipation of it, or at least I didn't think so. Tessa and I stayed home from school, but Lynn went on to work. We had some lunch with Molly and Prissy, then I ran a few errands with Tessa and Prissy. After Lynn got off work, we went to the card shop and got 4 latex balloons. We each wrote a message to Brock on our balloon (Superman colors of course...red, yellow, blue and black). We went out to the cemetery, read our messages, and let the balloons go. A couple of Brock's friends showed up while we were there, and I know others had been there already. After we left the cemetery, we had dinner at BW3, Brock's favorite restaurant. All in all, it was an ok day. It's funny though, how I can get through the anniversary days ok, but regular days, like today, creep up and hit me like a ton of bricks. No rhyme or reason to it. Oh well, like I said earlier, no handbook for this sort of thing.
We are getting ready for our spring break trip to Florida. We are going to Ft. Lauderdale this year, looking for a little warmer weather than last year in Destin. I am ready for some sand and sun, and I know Lynn and Tessa are too. Only 9 more weeks of school left after spring break.....I have no idea where the time has gone. My 2 master's classes are going ok, only a few weeks of those left too, then my masters in education will be finished. I try to keep busy most of the time, makes it harder to obsess over everything.
Well, off to do some homework. Just wanted to update and say thanks for everyone's good thoughts. We still appreciate them as much as ever!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 8:09 AM CST
Hello everyone. Well, today is Brock's 1 year angel anniversary. I really don't know what to say, except to say thank you to everyone who has supported our family throughout Brock's illness, and during the last year without him. We appreciate all of you more than I can ever express!!
Tessa and I stayed home from school today. Not sure what the day will bring, but I figure we are probably better off at home where we can kind of do whatever feels right. Lynn went to work, at least for part of the day. We really have no concrete plans made as to how to recognize this day, but I guess we'll just do whatever feels right. There's no handbook for this sort of thing.......
I have played Brock's last day over and over in my mind a million times lately. It is so hard to realize that he is truly gone from us forever. It is comforting to know that he was so loved by so many people though. His friends, people at school, people in the community.....he touched so many lives, and so many people cared about him. I guess that's what you want when you raise a child....one you can be proud of, that makes a positive contribution to society. Brock certainly accomplished both of those things in his 16 years! And for that, we are truly blessed.
We love you and miss you Brock! Fly high Superman, and always remember how much you mean to us!
Love, Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Thursday, February 3, 2005 7:02 PM CST
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been so long between entries. Sometimes it is hard to find things to say. It is also proving to be a very difficult time for us right now with Brock's angel anniversary coming up. I guess I am trying to keep busy with other things.
School is ok. I can't believe how much of the school year is gone already. Our high school's Homecoming is tomorrow night, which will be the last performance for Tessa and the dance team this year. I remember being in the hospital with Brock last year on Homecoming night, and being a little aggravated that we were missing it. His class's float for the parade had signs about him on it, telling him they missed him and loved him, and get well soon. Tessa got some pictures of them I think, although they were a little dark. I am wondering what this year will hold. Tessa has been busy working with her class on their float. She says it is looking pretty good. I'm sure it will be an interesting night.
My grad classes are ok, really liking one but finding the other one (research class) to be a real struggle. On top of not knowing what the heck I am doing in the class, I am taking it online with a professor who is currently in Germany, so I don't even have classroom support or instruction! Oh well, 13 more weeks and the masters degree will be done, IF I can pull it off!
Thanks so much for continuing to check in with us. I can't believe the one year mark is approaching. I am dreading it already. So many thoughts, feelings, emotions....I can't even begin to describe them. One day at a time, as they say.....
Wednesday, January 19, 2005 8:19 PM CST
Hi everyone. I typed a new journal entry on Sunday, but evidently it shot off into cyberspace, so I'll try again. Sunday marked 11 months since Brock's passing. It is still so surreal, but I guess maybe, slowly, we are integrating the fact that he is gone into our lives. I am already stressing next month, the one year mark. Seems unreal, one year without him. I have no idea where the last 12 months went. One day at a time, as they say.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO TESSA! She turned 15 on Monday, Jan. 10, and is already bugging me about drivers ed and her driving permit! Just like her brother.... ;) We will get to that shortly I suppose. I am holding off for a little while though, as with the totally unpredictable weather in Indiana I don't really want her learning to drive just yet. Maybe April, when the weather calms down!
I started 2 graduate classes at Ball State last week, the last 2 I need for my Masters degree in Secondary Education. It is going to be a tough semester, as one of the classes is a research class, and I HATE anything that has to do with numbers! But, nose to the grindstone, and it will be DONE soon! Can't wait!
The only other exciting news is our upcoming spring break trip with the Ervins. Once again, we are venturing out to Florida in search of sun, sand, and surf. Heck, we may even come back home (against our better judgement, of course!) After weeks of searching we finally booked a flight down and back today, so if any of you are waiting to schedule flights I'm sure the prices will drop quickly now that we've bought ours! We are headed to Ft. Lauderdale this year....a little farther south than in years past, but hopefully better weather too.
That's it for tonight. Thanks so much for continuing to check in on us. We really appreciate seeing the counter continue to climb, and reading the guestbook entries.
Saturday, January 8, 2005 8:15 AM CST
Hi everyone! WHEW!!! Did the New Year hit us hard, or what!? We survived the actual holiday, only to get hit a few days later with a HUGE ice storm! We went back to school on Monday Jan. 3, were sent home early on Wednesday, Jan. 5, and have been home ever since! In our area of Indiana, over 120,000 people are without power, almost 80,000 of them in our county! We have been extremely lucky though, our power has stayed on. Houses only a block or so away from ours have been out, but we have stayed on. The only thing we lost was our cable tv/modem for about 24 hours, but thankfully that was it. We have had friends in and out, which has been nice. You never know how much you miss a hot shower or a hot meal or light or tv till you don't have them! :) We were happy to be able to help our friends out. Our families were both without power too, but they have gone to stay with friends or are using generators. A very rocky start to the new year! On top of it all, we had about 4-5" of snow dumped on us last night! Bless all the electrical linemen who have come to our area from Kentucky, Virginia, North Carolina, and other places to help Indiana out of this!
Tessa's birthday is Monday....she will be 15!!! She is already talking about getting her drivers permit, taking Drivers Ed, all that stuff. Gosh, I remember so clearly how excited Brock was about all the same stuff. The more things change, the more they stay the same, huh? We spent part of the evening with Molly and Prissy looking through pictures of Brock and Tessa when they were little....gee, how did I survive that? Some of the pictures we looked at, the kinds of stuff they were getting in to, I must have had lots more energy and patience back then!
Well, Happy New Year to all, and thanks for checking in. We are doing ok here. We got a solar light to put on Brock's grave last weekend, but the weather turned so awful that we haven't been able to get it out there. When we went to the cemetery for the luminaria before Christmas, we saw several of the grave had small hanging solar lights on them. You can do that in the winter, I guess, because they don't have to mow. Anyway, we thought that was a nice idea, so we got one too. We will get it in place as soon as the weather breaks. Be careful and safe if you live around here, and if you don't, send us some warm weather!!!!
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 6:12 PM CST
Hi everyone. Well, Christmas is over, and we survived. That's really about all I can say about it. I think we did ok, I managed to not fall apart till yesterday. We had a good day on Christmas day, went to Indy to watch the Pacers play. Lynn, Tessa, Judy and I had a blast at Conseco Fieldhouse. I love going there. It certainly made the day pass quickly, even though the Pacers lost the game.
I could go into a long note about how much we miss Brock, how unfair this all is, all that kind of stuff, but I've said it all before so I won't. I just hope he is watching us, knowing how special he is to us, and what a hole his passing has left in our lives. We love you Brock, forever and ever!
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Saturday, December 25, 2004 7:41 AM CST
Merry Christmas Brock! We love you, and miss you!
Love, Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Thursday, December 23, 2004 7:27 PM CST
Hello, and happy Christmas eve-eve! Not much going on here, just digging out from under a foot of snow that showed up overnight last night! Snow emergency for our county, and several others around us. ICK! Did I mention I hate winter? Somewhere there is sand and a palm tree calling my name! Tessa enjoyed the snow for a while today. She bundled up and went out to make snow angels, and ended up shoveling a little of the deck for me. I shoveled another path to the driveway, and the front porch, and called it quits. We managed to get out and get to town late this afternoon. Luckily both our vehicles are 4 wheel drive, so we did ok. Lynn had a tough drive to work this morning, but by this afternoon his trip home was much better.
We have Christmas with my family tomorrow, then tickets to the Pacers/Pistons game in Indy on Christmas afternoon. Hopefully it will be much calmer than the last time these two teams met! Tessa has carefully planned out our time schedule to allow for opening presents, and getting to the fieldhouse on time for the game! She is SO organized! ;)
I am still not feeling very Christmas-sy at all. I really could skip the whole thing, but I suppose that's not very likely to happen. And, as crappy as the weather is, I guess it's a good thing I wasn't planning to hop a plane to a warmer destination. Just have to grit my teeth and bear it I guess.
Well, that's about all from here. Thanks for stopping by, and I hope everyone has a good holiday season. Sign the guestbook if you're here!
Friday, December 17, 2004 8:40 PM CST
Hi everyone. Hope your holidays are going well. I am just about done with what relatively small amount I am doing this year. Our celebrations start on Sunday, so I guess I had better get done!
Yesterday marked 10 months since Brock passed away. I was re-reading through this journal the other night, and the suddenness of it startled even me. In some ways, it seems like I am still waiting for him to show up, walking in the back door and yelling for us. In other ways, it seems like so long ago since I saw him, talked to him, laughed with him. I guess in the big picture we are doing ok, functioning as we all need to. Tessa is doing well in school, has lots of friends and outside interests that keep her busy. I am busy with school, both teaching and taking classes for my master's degree. Lynn's job is about the same, but might change some soon. We seem to be moving through life, although some days the differentness of it all is very painful. I guess we will continue to do what we have to do.....although we miss him terribly!
Christmas this year is going to be so different, I can't even imagine it. A wonderful little "Santa" at my school gave us a huge Christmas surprise today.....3 tickets to the Indiana Pacer's game on Christmas afternoon! Thank you VERY MUCH Santa! :) I was really pretty worried about how we would spend our day, just the 3 of us, with nothing really planned. But now, we definitely have something to look forward to on our calendar! I had truly tried to talk Lynn into going away for a few days, just being somewhere different, but he didn't want to. Plus, our Christmas break from school is shortened this year, so I guess we probably are better just hanging around home.
Well, that's about it for tonight. We had a basketball game tonight, Tessa's dance team danced, so it is kind of late. She went to a friend's house for a while after the game and it's about time for Mom's Taxi to go pick her up. Thanks so much for checking in on us. Everyone's continued support means a lot!
Friday, December 10, 2004 5:31 PM CST
Good evening everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. We are ok here, as well as can be. School is winding down for Christmas break, so that is a good thing! I can't believe the school year is half way over...it sure has flown by.
Tessa is doing well. We have an appointment on Tuesday for her 6 months post surgery checkup with her back surgeon. I think he will be please with her progress and hopefully lift a few more of her restrictions. She is anxious to start doing at least a little more activity. She has gym class next semester, and her teacher is very willing to adapt her P.E. routine to help her rehab her back. Thanks bunches Mike! I hope the doc agrees with this, otherwise she has to take a whole year of gym next year!
Tomorrow is the boy's basketball team's first home game of the season, so that will be a challenge for us. The dance team is dancing at it too, so that will hopefully be a good diversion for me. I plan to wear the warmup tshirt the boys gave me, with Brock's emblem on the back. They dance at both the boys and girls games tomorrow, so I think it will be a long day/night of basketball!
Christmas is coming up too quickly, as usual. My shopping is mostly done, what little bit of shopping I am doing. Tessa got the tree up right after Thanksgiving, and Lynn put some lights on the bushes outside. It all looks nice. There is a lumniaria display at Gardens of Memory tomorrow night, over 7000 candles lit. We will try to drive through it before we go to the game. A friend of Brock's, Anthony, put a beautiful Christmas wreath on Brock's gravesite. It looks very nice, thank you so much!
That's about it for tonight. Thanks so much for continuing to check on us. Sometimes updating this site is hard, but seeing the number of people who stop by, and reading the guestbook entries makes us feel very good. We appreciate everyone's caring and support!
Tuesday, November 30, 2004 7:53 PM CST
Hi everyone. Had a couple of cool stories to share so I thought I would update. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving, and got TONS of shopping done!
The first story happened on Thanksgiving. We had gone to Lynn's family's house for dinner. After dinner, we were relaxing and talking, when a beautiful hawk landed on a fencepost just a foot or two outside the diningroom window. It never moved, even when we all rushed to the window to look at it. It sat there, looking around, looking at us, for about 5 minutes. It even sat very still and let Tessa take pictures of it! According to a friend of mine, in some Native American religions, a hawk is seen as a spirit who can see great distances into the lives of people. I am hoping it was a sign from Brock, saying hi, telling us he is ok!
The second one happened today. The high school basketball team had new warm up shirts made, and honored Brock on them. They have Wapahani Raider Basketball on the front, and Brock's Superman car decal screen printed on the back with the phrase "LIVESTRONG". Coach Z brought one to me today, and I was thrilled! Thanks so much Z, and guys, I will wear it proudly to the games this year!
That's about all from here. Hope everyone is doing ok. Thanks for stopping by to check on us!
Thursday, November 25, 2004 8:24 PM CST
Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I hope you all had a wonderful day. I was pretty much dreading it myself, but all went ok, thankfully. Another painful "first" over with. I kept thinking about last year, when Brock was so miserable at Thanksgiving, unable to eat because the tumor was pressing his esophagus shut. We miss him so much, but at least I know now he is no longer in pain and suffering. From October of last year till February when he passed away, it just seemed like one obstacle after another for him to overcome. It just wasn't fair........
Anyway, tomorrow we are starting a new tradition. Last year Lynn and Brock and I did the WAY early in the morning shopping thing, but Tessa didn't go. This year, Tessa and Prissy and I are heading out at 6 a.m. for some shopping/bonding time! I think it will be fun, although I don't really have much in mind to specifically shop for. It's really more for the experience of it all, and the being together. I'm sure there will be several naps taken around here tomorrow afternoon! Lynn is choosing to forgo this trip.....guess he's just not up to power shopping with 3 women! ;)
Thanks to everyone who has visited Brock's site lately. We do appreciate everyone still checking on us. Please sign the guestbook! Go Pacers!!!!!
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 7:56 PM CST
Hi everyone. Well, yet another "16th" is upon us....today marks 9 months since Brock died. We are actually doing ok right now. We have been very busy here with school, Tessa's dentist and orthodontist appointments, dance team, all that stuff. I am dreading the holidays though. It seems that those "special" days are hardest to get through. I honestly would skip the whole thing this year, just put myself on a cruise somewhere, but Lynn things it should be as normal as possible for everyone. Normal....what's that????
Last Saturday was our school's Winter Sports introduction night. All of the winter sports....boys and girls basketball mostly....played short scrimmage games. It was kind of surreal....Brock should have been out there! I was ok till I saw a couple of his friends out there on the floor, then I was just so sad. I held it together though, so I guess that's a step in the healing process. Tessa and the dance team performed for the first time too, and they looked really good. It is the first year our school has had a dance team, and the girls looked like they were enjoying it. They dance at 7 games this year, probably enough for me.
Well, that's about it from here. Thanks so much for continuing to check Brock's site. I know I don't write as often as I used to, but it helps me to know that people still read it and think about him and us. We really appreciate the support!
Sunday, November 7, 2004 3:40 PM CST
Hi everyone. Sorry it has been a while since updates. Not much going on here really. Just plodding along, doing our best to go day to day.
Tessa is doing well with her braces. I swear, I think her teeth are straightening up already! She is doing dance team at school too, so that is keeping her busy. They are performing at 7 basketball games this season, so they are working on several dances. She loves to dance, so that is fun for her. Plus, it gives us an excuse to go to at least a few ball games. I wasn't sure if we could handle basketball season this year, but maybe if we are going to watch her, it will change our focus a little.
We had a great time last night on a night out with our best buddies, the Ervins. Commedian Bill Engvall was in town, and we bought our tickets back in August! We were in the 6th row, and laughed so hard our faces hurt by the time he was done. I know I haven't laughed that much in the past 8 months! It was nice to go out and have fun for a change. We seem to spend a lot of our time hanging around the house nowadays, but I really think that needs to change. You only get so many chances to make memories in this lifetime, so I really think we should be taking more advantage of the opportunities that come our way.
Thanks for checking in on us. My dad is doing pretty well after his back surgery, so thanks for the good wishes and prayers for him. Also, Kevin is HOME! After nearly 2 months in PICU, he rallied to beat the infection that nearly took his life. Thanks for your support for their family too. Keep those good thoughts coming!
Thursday, October 28, 2004 8:14 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Our fall break Mall of America trip went well, with no real problems to speak of. The flights were good, the weather was terrible (does it EVER not rain in Minnesota?), and the mall itself proved to be enough of a challenge for even Tessa and I! We really didn't buy as much as I thought we would, being "professional" shoppers and all, but it was still kinda cool to see some of the stores we had read about in magazines. Lynn got some quality "people-watching" time in (aka sit on the bench outside the store while we shopped!). All in all an interesting getaway. And we all need those!
Had an interesting and successful meeting tonight with some folks who are interested in helping us put together a scholarship fund in Brock's name. Several good ideas came out, and I am hopeful that this will take off and be a successful venture for years to come. As bereaved parents know, our greatest fear is that our child will be forgotten. Hopefully, with an ongoing scholarship in his name, Brock won't be. Thanks so much to Steve, Jan, Kathy, and our good buddy Mark for being there for us. We really appreciate the effort and enthusiasm you all have for making sure Brock lives on in peoples memories and hearts!
That's about it from here for tonight. Thanks for checking in with us. We really appreciate the guestbook entries and the good thoughts and support!
Wednesday, October 20, 2004 7:18 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Thanks for stopping by Brock's website. We are still plodding along here, day to day. We appeciate everyone's continued support and concern.
Tessa and I made it through the first 9 weeks of high school together (;)! Tessa got straight A's on her first high school report card, and as far as I know I still have a job, so all is well at school! I can't believe a fourth of the school year is over with already. Time flies.....
The next few days are fall break for us, and we are taking a short trip to Minnepolis to the Mall of America. Imagine that, Tessa and I taking a shopping vacation!! We head out tomorrow morning and will be home Sunday. We are excited, although it still feels wierd to go places without Brock. Shopping was NOT his big thing, however I don't doubt he would have managed to drop some cash at a mall this size! Lynn has been practicing up to haul our shopping bags around for us!
Tessa is doing well with her braces. The extraction sites where her teeth were pulled have healed up well, and she got her teeth cleaned and checked today. We actually have NO dentist appts until mid-November! We won't know how to act!
Please keep my dad in your thoughts and prayers. He had surgery today on his back to relieve some chronic problems he has had, and will be in quite a bit of discomfort for a few days. Thanks for thinking of us! Please don't forget to sign the guestbook if you are here. It comforts us to hear from people remembering Brock.
Tuesday, October 12, 2004 9:10 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Things here continue to be interesting. Tessa did well having two teeth pulled for her braces last week. She gets the other two pulled tomorrow, then she is on the fast track to orthodontic success! She is ok with things so far, although she was wishing that she could fast forward through the first year with her braces so she could already be half way done!
I have been pondering an idea for a couple of days and thought I would share. The question was posed on my online support group of parents who have lost kids to cancer. Someone asked if we felt our lives had been "ruined" by losing our kids. Hhhhmmmm.....that one took me some REAL thinking. Here is what I have come up with.......
I don't think of my life as "ruined" because of Brock's passing. Undeniably changed, yes. Much sadder, yes. Less full of joy and opportunity, yes. Much more emotional, fuller of ups and downs. But ruined....no. I still have Tessa, who is becoming a beautiful, smart, talented young woman. I get a great deal of happiness from watching her grow up. I still have Lynn, my family, my friends, who all care a great deal about me. Is this the life I wanted? NO! I can definitely say that with all my heart. But I believe we have a choice. We can take what life deals us, and do the best we can with it, trying to make a life out of it, or we can curl up in a ball and wither away. I know curling up won't bring Brock back, and would only hurt Tessa. So, the only choice I have is to try my best to live this life as well as I can. It is what Brock would want me to do, would want all of us to do. I know I still hurt, I still have a great deal of pain in missing him, I am still very angry at the whole situation. But I can't give up, as attractive as that may sound some days. I must trudge along, hoping that someday some joy will return, that rays of sunshine will pop through the clouds more often than they do now.
Anyway, deep thoughts, I know. But I have been thinking about this for a couple of days, and hope some of the rest of you are there along with me. Thanks for stopping by and keeping us in your thoughts.
Monday, October 4, 2004 7:55 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Well, a busy day here at the Barnard house...Tessa got her braces on! She did awesome through the almost 2 hours it took to get everything in place, and I am very proud of her! She has quite a bit of "technology" in her mouth, and is having a good amount of discomfort with it, but I'm sure she'll do fine! She goes on Thursday to our regular dentist to have 2 teeth pulled, and then again next week to have 2 more taken out. THEN the braces can start doing their real work, moving her teeth into a beautiful, straight smile! I had braces in my 30's, and wore them for about 4 years. Her treatment is estimated to be about 2 years, as things progress much more quickly when you are young! As a bonding offering, I put my retainers in tonight, just to make her feel better. Hhhmmmm.....may have to have them adjusted, as they don't quite fit right anymore! :)
Otherwise things continue to move on. The first 9 weeks of school is almost over, and I can't believe how quickly the time has gone. We are taking a short getaway trip over Fall Break in a couple of weeks, so we are looking forward to that. Otherwise, just the normal stuff going on. Thanks to whoever put the red carnation in Brock's vase this past week. It is good to see that other people still go out to the cemetery and "visit" him. I know he's in lots of people's thoughts still, and that comforts us. Thanks to everyone who continues to keep Brock in their minds and hearts!
I have been struggling a bit the past couple of weeks, not sure why things have been hitting me especially hard. One of those rough patches I've read about I suppose. A big thank you to my friends and family who have been putting up with me....I promise, it's NOT my fault!!!
Well, that's about it. Just to let you know, Kevin is doing much better! Out of ICU and into a regular room, well on the road to recovery. Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers for his family. And, as always, thanks for checking in on us!
Monday, September 27, 2004 9:38 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Hope everyone is doing ok. We are plugging along here, keeping as busy as usual, maybe even busier! Tessa had her first orthodontic appointment today for impressions and spacers. She gets her braces on next week! She is excited about it, because her teeth have needed straightened for a while now, but we have put it off until she got all her permanent teeth in and all that stuff. She does have to get 4 teeth pulled for the braces, and isn't really looking forward to that, but I'm sure she will do fine. She's a tough kid, and the outcome will make her even more beautiful when the braces come off! She is also back to her dance classes and dance team, as well as several nights a week of volleyball. Glad for all the activity, it keeps me busy and my mind from wandering!
Otherwise not much going on. ;) We have gone to a couple of craft festivals the last couple of weekends...."crapfests" as Brock used to say! We miss him so much, it is still so hard to accept that this is permanent, but I guess over time we will. Several of the kids at school have done things in rememberance of Brock....one of the guys got a really beautiful tattoo that has Brock's initials in it, and several other "Superman" symbols have shown up around the building. It is nice to know that he is still with the kids. I had a long chat today with a student of mine who lost a brother to suicide this weekend, and I was actually amazed at how I handled the situation. Maybe, somewhere buried inside me is strength I didn't know I still had. I know most days it's all I can do to "act normal", but maybe there is still hope in there. I'll keep you posted!
Thanks so much to everyone who has been sending prayers and good thoughts to Kevin's family. He is doing much better! I appreciate everyone's concern for his family. And, as always, thanks for sticking with us!
Friday, September 17, 2004 11:12 AM CDT
HI everyone. Sorry the updates have been few and far between, but I guess I just haven't had much to say lately.
Yesterday was 7 months since Brock left us. I thought about it on and off all day, but seemed to make it through ok. I wonder if there will ever come a time when that day of the month doesn't strike me in some way? Probably not, as I have already figured out that there will never come a day when I don't think about him, miss him, be angry that he is gone, all that kind of stuff. I'm pretty sure it will go on forever.......
Tessa is doing well. Her back is getting stronger, and she was able to start her dance classes again this week, as well as be on the dance team at school. Unfortunately their first practice was cancelled on Tuesday because the power went out at school for the afternoon! THAT was no fun, being trapped at school with students and no power! :) Oh well, the excitement of public education!
Thanks for continuing to check on us. I will continue to keep updating whenever the mood strikes me! Please continue to keep Kevin's family in your thoughts and prayers, as he is doing better but not out of the woods yet.
Tuesday, September 7, 2004 10:15 PM CDT
Ok, this is the SECOND time I have updated this journal tonight....evidently the computer fairies are not playing nicely! A little box popped up just as I was finishing my first update and when I clicked it closed, POOF! away went my journal entry. So I will try again......
Anyway, volleyball has again entered our lives during what I thought was going to be a quiet sports year. Tessa can't play this year due to her back surgery, but she has been keeping stats for the team. This involves her going to pracitces and games, and keeping active with the team. I think she if glad to be back with her "gals", so it's a good thing. It also gives us games to go to, which keeps us busy, which is another good thing.
On Sunday we had lunch at Lynn's parent's house and visited with his grandma, who is 92. She has a hard time communicating but it was nice to see her out. On Sunday night we went to Indianapolis to have dinner at Jimmy Buffett's restaurant "Cheeseburger in Paradise". It was cool, and we had fun with Molly and Mark and the kids. I really missed Brock though....he would really have liked the place....loud, live music, and good food. Funny how things strike me sometimes, as far as missing him goes. Some days I trudge along, getting through the day ok, then other times something smacks me in the head like a ton of bricks and makes me miss him even more than usual. I guess it's the injustice of it all.....makes me mad to think about all the stuff he is missing out on with us. Very sad.......
Anyway, that's about it from here. Please keep Kevin's family in your thoughts and prayers (the link to his page is at the bottom of this one). He is fighting leukemia and is having a very rough time. Thanks for checking in on us!
Monday, August 30, 2004 8:26 PM CDT
Hi everyone. A huge thank you to everyone who signed the guestbook, emailed, called and sent cards for Brock's birthday. Fortunately, the anticipation of the day was worse than the actual day. "A little someone" (Nurse Nancy) had put a huge vase of sunflowers on Brock's bench at school, they looked beautiful. Tessa, Priscilla, Brittany and I wore Superman shirts to school, as did a few other kids. I got some cards delivered to me (thanks Pastor Jim) and several of my colleagues checked in with me during the day.
After school we had dinner at Taco Bell.....Brock loved it because he could eat lots for cheap! At about dusk, we went out to the cemetery with the sparklers from July 4th. Lynn, Tessa, Prissy, my Dad, Judy, and I all lit the sparklers and sang Happy Brithday, dancing around and acting silly. The girls broke into a spontaneous rendition of the Wapahani school song, again while waving sparklers. I'm sure anyone who saw us thought we had totally lost it! My brother and his family had put a nice bouquet of flowers in Brock's vase, so the girls took one flower each out of it and we walked down and put them in the vases on the graves of Nicole MacGregor and Brandon Barrett, two of Brock and Prissy's classmates who have been killed in car accidents over the last couple of years. It was a nice, fitting birthday celebration for a kid who loved life, loved being silly, and loved his family very much.
The rest of the week was kind of hard though. Every year out little town holds a festival called "Bluebird Days", and it is quite literally in our back yard! It is right across the alley that is our driveway, so we are in the thick of things whether we want to be or not. Anyway, for the past several years it has been during the week of Brock's birthday, and that was how he generally celebrated....we would have kids over, have cake and ice cream, then turn them loose on the rides and games. It was hard this year to have that going on without associating it with Brock's birthday. But we managed.
Thanks again for all the support. School is going well, kind of nice to be busy again. Will update again soon!
Monday, August 23, 2004 10:50 AM CDT
Dear Brock,
17 years ago today I walked (ok, waddled!) into Ball Memorial hospital, after a long night of labor, anticipating your birth. After only a couple of hours at the hospital you were born....proving even then that you did things your own way, in your own time. Several times during your birth I said "I can't do this", just as I am saying now about surviving without you. I proved then that I could do it, with your help, and I suppose once again I will survive, this time though seeking your help.
Brock, I love you and miss you SO much! You were my son, my friend, my hero. I will never forget the time we were driving home from yet another disappointing day at Riley, and I was letting my frustration, fear and anger show. You looked at me and said "This is just my life, Mom. It's what I have to do." So now, I guess, I must say the same....this is my life, this is what I have to do, try to go on and live in a way very different than what I had planned. I will miss seeing you grow up, go off into the world, make me a grandma. I will miss seeing you go to prom, graduation, college. And it just sucks!!!! But I do know that you lived your own way, in your own time, right up to when you passed away. You did the things you wanted to do, when you wanted to do them, and that makes me proud. You lived as Superman, every day of your too short life.
Happy Birthday Brock! I hope your celebration today is the best one you've ever had! We miss you, we love you, and we pray for your happiness and health. Until we meet again, Superman, we love you!
Mom, Dad, and Tessa
Monday, August 16, 2004 9:13 PM CDT
Hi everyone. Well, today was 6 months since Brock left us. I fell totally apart yesterday because I think I knew that I couldn't today, since I had to start back to school. It just still seems so surreal, that he isn't coming back. I wish I KNEW he was ok, happy, healthy. That would make my existence so much better. But, unfortunately, we just have to believe and assume.
Brock's birthday is next Monday. We saved some sparklers from the 4th of July, and I think we are going to take them out to the cemetery and light them. Brock loved fireworks, especially setting them off and scaring me to death! I think Tessa and/or Priscilla came up with the idea, and it seemed to fit. I don't know how I will make it through the day at school....guess I'll worry about that next week.
School starts for the kids tomorrow....Tessa will be in HIGH SCHOOL! What am I doing with kids that old!? ;) She is a little nervous, but she will be fine. That was part of the reason I chose to go teach at the high school this year instead of the middle school. She wanted me there, and she was going to be there, so away I went. New classes, new subjects, same students just older......hopefully it will be a good change for both of us.
Well, better get ready for the big day tomorrow. Thanks for stopping by to check on us. We still check the guestbook every day and appreciate the entries.
Thursday, August 12, 2004 9:42 AM CDT