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Welcome To Brock Barnard's Page! 
August 23, 1987 - February 16, 2004
Welcome to Brock's Web Page. Brock fought a hard 9 1/2 year battle with Wilms Tumor. This webpage is his story.
What do we wish others understood about the loss of our child? Here is a partial list of such wishes:
I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was very important and I need to hear his name.
I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward if I mention his name.
If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you hurt me: the fact that my child died has caused
my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or if I
have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I
wish you wouldn’t compare it to the loss of a parent, spouse or pet.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
I wish you knew that all the “crazy” grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration,
hopelessness, the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us.
As with alcoholics, I will never be “cured” or a “former bereaved parent,” but will forever be a “recovering bereaved parent.”
I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, lose my short-term memory,
develop a host of illness and be accident prone, all of which may be related to my grief.
Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are
thinking about our child these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and missing him terribly.
Please understand the I am not the same person I was before my child died, and do not expect me to "get back to my old self". I am forever changed, but if you give me a chance, you may find that you like the "new me".
Journal
Sunday, May 4, 2008 6:07 PM CDT Hi everyone. Just a quick update today. Not even sure who still reads this journal, but I can't quite bring myself to close it. Guess I still need that connection sometimes.
The biggest news is.....Tessa graduates from high school in a few weeks!!!! Graduation day is May 30, and we could not possibly be prouder of her. I know that Brock is keeping an eye on her and is proud of her too. She has already gotten a couple of scholarships, with more possibly coming in. We are surely hoping for all we can get! She is headed to Ball State University in the fall to major in telecommunications. She is an amazing young lady and we are so proud of her!
Second big news....we are moving. This is not quite as good a news as Tessa's graduation though. Unfortunately, through no fault of ours, our home has sustained considerable water damage from an outside source and is literally sinking into the ground. We are moving out of necessity, not choice. The house we have found is smaller, which for us is ok since downsizing is not a bad thing! Tessa is not so keen on the idea though, of leaving the house she grew up in. But I know she understands the situation and will adjust with time. She will be living in the dorms at BSU in the fall, so she won't be spending much time at home anyway. Still, it is a hard move to make for all of us.
So that's it from here for now. Thanks for stopping by. If you read this, please take a few moments to sign the guest book. Still makes me feel good to know that people check in with us.
Peace.
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Riley Hospital for Children
702 Barnhill Drive
Indianapolis, IN 46202
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