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Welcome To Brock Barnard's Page! 
August 23, 1987 - February 16, 2004
Welcome to Brock's Web Page. Brock fought a hard 9 1/2 year battle with Wilms Tumor. This webpage is his story.
What do we wish others understood about the loss of our child? Here is a partial list of such wishes:
I wish you would not be afraid to speak my child’s name. My child lived and was very important and I need to hear his name.
I wish you wouldn’t feel awkward if I mention his name.
If I cry or get emotional if we talk about my child, I wish you knew that it isn’t because you hurt me: the fact that my child died has caused
my tears. You have allowed me to cry and I thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.
I will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. I wish you wouldn’t think that if I have a good day my grief is all over, or if I
have a bad day I need psychiatric counseling.
I wish you knew that the death of a child is different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ultimate tragedy and I
wish you wouldn’t compare it to the loss of a parent, spouse or pet.
Being a bereaved parent is not contagious, so I wish you wouldn’t shy away from me.
I wish you knew that all the “crazy” grief reactions that I am having are in fact very normal. Depression, anger, frustration,
hopelessness, the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following the death of a child.
I wish you wouldn’t expect my grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us.
As with alcoholics, I will never be “cured” or a “former bereaved parent,” but will forever be a “recovering bereaved parent.”
I wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. I may gain or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, lose my short-term memory,
develop a host of illness and be accident prone, all of which may be related to my grief.
Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and the holidays are terrible times for us. I wish you could tell us that you are
thinking about our child these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn, just know that we are thinking about our child and missing him terribly.
Please understand the I am not the same person I was before my child died, and do not expect me to "get back to my old self". I am forever changed, but if you give me a chance, you may find that you like the "new me".
Journal
Monday, November 17, 2008 4:38 PM CST Hi everyone. I'm so very sorry that I have been horrible about updating this website. I know Brock is all around me, all the time, and sometimes I guess that's just enough for me.....
The biggest news here, I guess, is Tessa's upcoming heart surgery. She will be having her pulmonary valve replaced on Dec. 17 at Riley Hospital. She was born with a congenital heart defect called Tetralogy of Fallot, which she had surgically reparied at 18 months old. Now, 18 years later, a second surgery is required to replace her faulty valve. We knew this surgery would eventually be necessary, and now the time has come. We will meet her surgeon, Dr. John Brown, on Nov. 26th at her pre-op appointment. He is the chief of Cardiothorasic Surgery at Riley, so that makes me feel good. Her valve, we have been told, will come from either a pig or a buffalo. Don't think THAT information hasn't been the source of some good jokes around here! :)
The good news is that she should be recovered fully enough to start back to Ball State for the spring semester. She will have almost 4 weeks to recover, which is good. We also should be out of the hospital and back home for Christmas, which is also good news. I have the feeling that Christmas is going to take a back seat this year, however. Much more interested in getting her fixed up and healthy! That's all the gift I need, for sure.
Otherwise, things are about the same. School is going quickly for me....the year will be half over at Christmas break. Tessa is really doing well in her first semester of college, and we could not be prouder of her! She's majoring in Telecommunications, and so far finding it interesting. I told her I didn't care what she studied as long as she would be able to find a career she loves, and can support herself doing. Isn't that what any of us wants??? :) Lynn's job continues to evolve. Seems like almost on a daily basis his responsibilities change. That would drive me nuts, but he is good at getting everything done.
Thanks to all of you who still stop by here to visit. I would like to ask that you send any good thoughts you have to my friend Kim Dixon. She is on her way right now to M.D. Anderson Cancer Center in Houston to put together a program to fight her third fight with breast cancer. She is a good friend and an awesome person, and I would truly appreciate you all putting her in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much for stopping by!
Peace,
LeeAnn
Read Journal History
Hospital Information: Riley Hospital for Children
702 Barnhill Drive
Indianapolis, IN 46202
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