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Wednesday, May 3, 2006 2:57 PM CDT
UPDATE - Haley is doing great in school and getting so big now. She finally is getting into some girl things like carrying a purse and wanting dolls for a change here, don't get me wrong she still has that tom boyish attitude and loves to play with cars and trucks ;) This year we are doing a spongebob birthday for Haley and is so excited. She sat at the counter the other day for 3 hours planning her party and all the wants it was so cute. My little girl is growing up so fast. Debby and Jesse will be coming down from Canada for her birthday so that will make it even more special. I want to thank Debby for being there for me when Danny was here and now that he is gone. She has remained by my side even though far away. Thank you Debby I love you Sis!! A true friend is hard to find but once you find them don't ever let them go!! I'm doing ok here just missing Dan a lot. Dan is ok and missing home quite a bit. I think he's tired of seeing sand and wants to see the greenery again. He comes home the beginning of June and will leave again Aug/Sept for School and then back again only to leave another 4 months for Cross Training School and then we will move after that but we don't know where yet. We are just wanting him home here safe. We won't see too much of him this year or into next but we hope next year we can all settle down again as a family. Haley misses her daddy very much and asks about him every day. There isn't a day that goes by she doesn't talk about her daddy and baby Danny. May God Bless ALL our troops!! And bring them home safe. FREEDOM IS NOT FREE!!
Tuesday, February 21, 2006 9:32 AM CST
---Feb. 16th 2006-Well Dan has been gone now for almost a month and we miss him so much. Haley doesn't know what to do with herself here now. She asks every day how much longer until daddy comes home. We do have Dan's address over in Iraq if anyone would like to send a card or letter just email me. I'm sure he would love to get mail right now. He will be gone until June so it will be a long time for us here. Haley keeps busy with school and Karate classes. We do a lot of craft and art projects together. So she is doing ok. I just found out my older son is going to have another baby in August. We are doing well though and coping.
---UPDATE Feb 20th, 2006--Haley and I are doing fine and we went to see the grandbaby and he is getting so big. Haley had a great time playing with him. We are making Dan up an Easter basket as a surprise anyone wanting to send cards or letters or anything for the basket please email me right away we are sending it off March 15th so he gets it in time. Dan is having surgery wednesday the 22nd, long story but he should be ok. He is still in Iraq at this time.
Monday, November 14, 2005 8:09 AM CST
UPDATE November 13, 2005--It has been a rough few weeks for us here as we re-lived each day up to what happened this year at this time, we have looked at pictures every day and watched the memorial video quite a few times. Our hearts feel so empty and the days go by really fast. It’s hard to explain the feelings you have inside when your child has passed away before you do as a parent. A part of you dies with them. It’s hard to imagine Danny not being here on this earth with us. We miss touching him and holding him and seeing that big beautiful smile and laugh. He really brought joy and happiness to our home. He will live forever in our hearts and minds and thoughts each day. Danny Jr. will never be forgotten. Haley talks about him every day, not one goes by where she doesn’t mention something.
---Haley is doing great and growing up to be a real beautiful high spirited girl. She has a heart of gold. She is getting so tall and changing so fast. She still loves to draw and color and seems to be what takes up her day here. She comes home and we do crafts and draw and then she watches a little television. She is doing great in school. The teacher said she is ahead of the game there and progressing a little faster than the other kids. She has a boy in her class in a wheelchair and the teacher said Haley pays special attention to him and tries to help him all the time. She has 2 blind children next door in the classroom and she always is first to volunteer to walk them to the playground. So we know the things she has been through has made her already at a young age a much better person and with the biggest heart ever. But in all she really is doing great. Her daddy had to be deployed for a bit and when he came back she was so thrilled. The whole time he was gone she cried for him and told everyone she wanted her daddy. She got sick and had to be taken to the hospital on base while Dan was gone and while in the emergency room she was crying so hard for her daddy that she made grown men cry. She really is a daddy’s girl and Dan eats that up. I think it’s adorable. Her daddy will be going away again soon for 4 months so we are trying to prepare her for that now. At least he will be here for Christmas though. Pray for all our troops as they really need it and the families, they really give a lot for this country. And people don’t realize how the families give as well. Mothers having to care for the children while the dad is away and running the household and the dads over there in a country that is nothing like ours. Having to wing it and know that their families are back here and they cant’ see hold or touch any of them. God Bless Our troops and their families.
---I had a great birthday Debby came down from Canada and took me out to a really nice bed and breakfast where we went to a murder mystery dinner, I really had so much fun and having her here made my birthday very special this year, thank you my dear sweet sister ;) I love you Deb. Haley had a great birthday this summer and had so much fun. We sent some pictures out of her birthday and got some real nasty emails back about how spoiled she is and how many gifts were on the table in the pictures for her but little did people know nor did they ask that her birthday this year was combined with Dan’s birthday and our friend Sonja whom was with us here when Danny Jr passed away it was her birthday her daughters and her sons so we had the party all for the 5 of them so the gifts for all those who emailed the nasty letters were not all Haley’s gifts it was 5 peoples sitting on that table thank you. But in all she had a great time with all the decorations and the party favors and the piñata it was a lot of fun. Debby and her son Jesse came down from Canada the party as well as Tammy from MA. Tammy is getting ready very soon to have her 3rd son and we wish her well and want her to know we love her and are thinking of her. We can’t wait to see the new baby Thomas Daniel DeMars. By coming down they made Haley’s birthday very special and they were a huge help. Haley misses Jesse her little friend very much. They are the same age. He is adorable.
---As far as the 1st yr that has passed we took flowers and toys out to the gravesite and have pictures too. Haley joined Daisy Scouts and loves it and we have pictures of her and some latest ones just email for them. In the pictures you will see flowers to the left at the top on the base of the stone by the wiggles those are from a wonderful dear eBay friend Meg and she sent the teddy bear there too and then the right flowers are from Sonja and family and the middle wreath is from Heather king and family thank you all so much. We received a dozen roses from Sonya Hollon and family that are beautiful and a bouquet of flowers that are breathtaking from Debby Emond and family. We have those on the table and you can see them in the pictures as well. We stayed out there for almost 2 hours while Haley was at Daisy Scouts and then when she was done we took her out there as well. It was hard being there knowing that you son is right below you but we know it’s just his body and that his spirit is with God and he is in heaven a little perfect angel with no sickness and no more suffering. He is in good hands. In the one picture you will see a flash across the picture we are not sure why it happened in the picture of Dan by the grave and it is strange but I am so skeptic still I blew it off as maybe a bug flew by or something. But in all we are doing ok here we really are. It will never be the same and I can honestly say life will never be the same for Dan and I but we move on so we can make Haley’s life the best we can. Thank you all for always being there for us and for your support and prayers. I will try and update the page more often. Hugs to you all!
Tuesday, August 2, 2005 10:15 AM CDT
UPDATE-July 28th 2005--Haley and Dan had their party on Sunday and it was great we all had a lot of fun, Debby and Jesse flew in from Canada and Tammy flew in from Mass. I couldn't have done so well with the party if it weren't for all their help. We want to thank all those who sent Haley a gift and or decorations for the party, she kept thanking me and telling me I was the best mom she ever had and I just melted. It's hard to believe she is 5 already and growing up so quick. She will start school Aug 23rd and I know I will cry like a baby then. She is really ready though and can't wait. Dan is doing ok and working all the time, David Jr. is doing good and getting bigger. We are all hanging in here the best we can do, the headstone is up and looks fantastic. They did a great job. Everyone keep in touch ;) LOVE YA ALL and thank you all for being here for us always!!
Wednesday, July 6, 2005 10:01 AM CDT
June 30th 2005--Well it has been an interesting few months here. Haley's birthday is coming up July 21st so we are planning a Hawaiian party for her, this will be her first one without her brother. We are having Dan's party along with Haley's as theirs is just 2 weeks apart. She's already put in her birthday request list, and if she is not a tom boy I don't know who is. She wants all the batman toys, remote control cars, swords of any type she said and a new trampoline for the back yard hmmm I dont think so. She is getting crazier every year. She is doing ok has been a little depressed lately, talking a lot about her brother. Most of you know the story by now of how we had our so-called friend Joe stay with us 3 months while he was retiring and how he stole all of our money, Haley's toys and clothes and all Dan's tools among other things he really wiped us out. So this year we are trying to give Haley a special birthday and hope she forgets all the bad this man has done to our family. We will let everyone know when we take pictures and have them to send of her birthday. We only have about 100 things left to put on the auctions but I have been having a hard time sitting at the computer long so we will get it all done. I will still post updates here even though we won't be selling on ebay any longer. We may list a few things here and there but not often, we just lost too much money with ebay their fees and paypal expenses are way too high to make anything anymore. We have the new link to the movie
---memorial for Danny Jr below
---http://dano8690.tripod.com/Danny.html
---Thank you all for being here for us all the time we appreciate it so much, hugs to you all, Barb Dan and Haley
Thursday, May 12, 2005 10:10 AM CDT
---UPDATE MAY 12TH 2005--I wanted to let everyone know I am doing better and recovering very well from surgery. Haley is doing great keeping herself busy, we have been to the park several times and Debby and her son Jesse will be here from Canada May 19th-24th so Haley is excited about having him here to play, we are planning a zoo trip for them, maybe ride some Go-Karts, and a Museum trip so it should be a lot of fun for all of us. Dan has been in the dumps again as another friend of his at work died Sunday he was only 33 years old, those military that keep up with the page we do have the memorial site with movie for Gilbert Tabor our heart goes out to his family, we will be there Friday for the funeral. As for Danny's memorial movie Dan just got it uplaoded to a site and finished so anyone wanting to see the movie please email and we will send the link. Keep bidding on the auctions we really appreciate all the help too ;) Thank you all.
Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:56 AM CDT
Hello to all the Balow friends out there.
Barb will be posting an update soon. In the meantime I thought I would post the link to the site for the video of the memorial to Danny Jr. that was played at the reception after the service. If you have sound, turn it on as there is music that accompanies the video. And don't forget to have a box of tissues near by, for if you are like me, it will have you in tears.
http://dano8690.tripod.com/Danny.html
God bless you all and keep you happy, healthy and safe.
Thursday, May 12, 2005 9:56 AM CDT
Hello to all the Balow friends out there.
Barb will be posting an update soon. In the meantime I thought I would post the link to the site for the video of the memorial to Danny Jr. that was played at the reception after the service. If you have sound, turn it on as there is music that accompanies the video. And don't forget to have a box of tissues near by, for if you are like me, it will have you in tears.
http://dano8690.tripod.com/Danny.html
God bless you all and keep you happy, healthy and safe.
Debby, friend of the Balows.
Tuesday, April 5, 2005 10:34 AM CDT
UPDATE--APRIL 5TH 2005-- Sunday was a really rough day around here, Dan and Haley went to the grave and took Danny many balloons and flowers and Haley had enough from her art work that wonderful eBay friends bid on that she got Danny a doggie and a cat to set beside his grave and watch over him and protect him. She was excited to buy these things herself it really made her feel good, she wants to go back out there today to make sure they are still there. The local radio station played Danny's song at noon Angel's among us and I sat here and cried so hard as I wanted to be out there at the gravesite at that time. I didn't get to go Sunday as I have had many health problems and in and out of the hospital recovering and that day I couldn't get around very well. I got a chance yesterday and went to the grave and sat there and just cried. To know your baby is under all that dirt and you can't see him or touch him is the worst feeling a mom could ever have. The emptiness never goes away, the pain DOES NOT get easier with time. You learn to deal with it that's it because you have to, we have no choice. Many comments have been made about hey your son has been gone for over 4 months now get on with your life, oh man those people you want to just slap right in the head and wake them up. You know inside it's from people that are cold hearted or have no kids but at the same time you want to shake them and make them feel what you are feeling inside. I never what people felt losing a child only to lend support and try to imagine the pain but man when Danny died it was a whole different story, it was real and the pain was real. I wouldn't wish this on anyone not even the mean people that send us nasty emails. We have dealt with a lot here, nasty emails, and crazy people emailing us with letters of how they are glad Danny is dead and relatives who couldn't care a less about us when Danny was alive or even after he's dead. But we have become stronger in so many ways and bitter in so many other ways. We can live without relatives who don't care as we know we have eBay friends who have taken that empty space and made our lives whole again. I can't describe the feeling of completeness knowing that we have made so many friends and stayed very close with all of you even after Danny’s death. We do have family it may not be immediate family but we have all of you. I will continue to put Danny's pictures on the auctions for awhile as requested, Dan is making a site off the net to post the video that was made at Danny's funeral so everyone can see it and I will update when the site is done. As for Haley she is doing great, school has kept her mind off things and she has made so many friends. She wants to make drawings for the auction to help out here but we told her she has done enough and what she did for Danny was the nicest thing a big sister could ever do. I wish you all could meet Haley she is so smart and for a 4 year old we are shocked at the things she knows, you would absolutely love her. She has that outgoing caring personality and has the biggest heart, she reminds me of a lot of friends on here that email us all the time ;) Dan is doing ok still having a rough time dealing with all this but we take it one day at a time. Well I am off to try and get orders up and list. LOVE YOU ALL
Thursday, March 10, 2005 9:37 AM CST
MARCH 1OTH 2005
We are all doing ok here, Haley is in school and loving it and was named artist of the quarter and had her pictures framed and hung up at the school so she is very excited about this. The paper on base took pictures of her as well. We will be putting up a few of her drawings on the ebay auction site under user name newmommy37 to help with bills, this was suggested by several regular customers and she just got them done here. Haley and I both had to go to the ER yesterday we have been passing back and forth here the flu so many times it took a toll on us all. And yes we have cleaned the house disinfected it many times but it still didn't help. Haley has 2 ear infections and I have a severe sinus infection along with the flu so we are down for the count but we will get back in the swing of things soon as we are all on medications now. I will be listing a lot of things all weekend and put Haley's drawings up for auctions later today. Baby David is doing good and getting bigger by the day. My dad just had a heart attach but is hanging in there. Dan's sister found out she is pregnant after trying many years and is due on Haley's birthday July 21st, they are having a boy. Dan and I will be celebrating our 7th anniversay March 12th so we are looking forward to this weekend. We love you all!!
Thursday, February 17, 2005 1:06 PM CST
UPDATE FEB 17TH, 2005-- We are all doing ok here, Haley loves being in school and it keeps her busy all day playing with the other kids. Please note we will be gone until Sunday night maybe into Monday. We are leaving for Peoria Illinois in the morning for a funeral. A friend of Dan's was just shot and killed there so we will be away attending his funeral. All auctions that ended this week will be shipped on Tuesday the 22nd sorry for the delay and we hope you understand this terrible situation that was very unexpected. HUGS TO ALL!!
Friday, February 11, 2005 12:02 AM CST
UPDATE FEB 11TH, 2005--We hope everyone is well. We are all ok and getting through each day. I have the flu at this time but hope to get back on track soon. David Jr and his mommy are doing great and the baby is growing like crazy already what a ham he is. Haley is doing perfect. PLEASE CHECK OUT THE NEW AUCTIONS--AND also Debby has put up a few more too to help us out here please look at her auctions now user name is ilovepoohbear2002
Sunday, February 6, 2005 11:55 AM CST
---UPDATE FEB 6TH, 2005--Haley is doing great a little bored at times being by herself. But in all she is fine. We went down yesterday to see the baby and he is just adorable. We had such a great time with the kids and Haley just adored baby David. We are happy he is here and mom and baby are doing just fine now. Dee is on some medictaions to help her out and she is doing great. What a trooper she really went through a lot. David is so precious and we all agreed he looks just like his mommy but has his daddy's big feet. We will list some new auctions today and put baby David's pictures up under Danny's. In some of them you will see Joe which is Dan's best friend he went down there with us and for those of you who didn't remember him he was here with us the day baby Danny died he was right at his side sleeping next to him, he is a dear friend. We are lisitng tons of beanie babies right now that were sent to us to help our family out by a wonderful dear close friend we met on ebay, she is a gem for sure and has a heart of gold , we thank her and her husband for the 100's of perfect beanie babies sent to us so please check them all out they are all in perfect shape with all the tags and protectors, give one as a gift buy for your child they are so cute. In some of the new pictures Haley looks a little scared but that's because the relatives down there had a few dogs and cats so she was a little frightened but ok.
Tuesday, February 1, 2005 8:09 AM CST
UPDATE JAN 31ST, 2005---IT’S A BOY—David Anthony Overturf, our first grandbaby we are thrilled. We have been going back and forth over 3 hours each way so we are exhausted here. The baby was born Jan 30th, 2005 and weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces, 20 inches long. The delivery was rough we got there at 6am and she went until 4pm and the baby was distress and so was the mom, she went into shock and had many seizures along with infection so they had her on 7 different medications though several IV’S when the baby became very distressed and wouldn’t come down they took her in for an emergency c-section. She was in there a long time with bleeding and so forth. As they opened her up baby David turned flipped and went into breach position so they had to use forceps to get him out. He was rushed to intensive care where he got under the oxygen tent, had a hearing test, and they had to cover his eyes. He had cuts on his head but they will heal. He is very sick and the mom is in bad shape. We are hoping she pulls though soon and gets better. The baby is getting better each day and stronger. It was a big scare for us all and a lot of tears rolled as it brought back so many memories, I sat in the waiting room sobbing and praying that God would not take my grandson and that he would be ok. I was terrified at the thought of losing him too. My eyes were so soaked and red I couldn’t even see straight. My thoughts were a million miles away on surgeries Danny had been through and what we felt and how I was feeing at that very moment. I still haven’t got to hold him yet but we hope soon. Haley is excited about her new nephew and calls him scooter. She is so adorable, we cried so hard when she said mommy look at baby Danny isn’t he precious. Then she caught herself and she cried and said mommy I miss Danny and we knew she had enough so I quit talking to her about the baby and we changed the subject and I took her up to McDonald’s to play. He is really so adorable and so sweet and so tiny. I will try and get more auctions put on but right now they aren’t doing so well so we may wait a few days and hope eBay picks up soon. It saddens us to see new eBay members bid and then leave us negatives right away after auctions end just to be mean, we have been through enough here more than one family can take. My son lost his job because he has to stay up there with his wife and baby right now and then their car broke down so if you think you have it bad remember there are ones like my son and our family who never have any luck at all at anything, the hard times hit and keep on hitting so hang in there we can’t say things get better but at least we have each other and the love and bonds we share remain and that gets us through to the next day. Love you all!!
Monday, January 31, 2005 1:07 PM CST
Barb has asked me to write a short update today. At 5:01PM on Sunday, January 30, 2005, Barb and Dan became grandparents. Haley has a little nephew to love and cuddle. Baby David Jr. weighs 7 lbs 5 oz and is 20 inches long. Unfortunately, the birth did not go smoothly. Baby David was born by c-section. DeeAnn has quite a time of it and is resting and in stable condition. I will update more when I have some news.
Posted by Debby Emond, friend of the Balow family
Monday, January 31, 2005 10:09 AM CST
Jan 24th, 2005--We had a great time with Tammy here this week and was sad to see the week had gone by so fast. We went and did a lot of shopping for ebay items and watched lots of movies and then went out to the gravesite. It was a great week for us here. Haley is doing great and playing with all her toys and her video games, she keeps busy most of the day. She released a balloon to Danny on Jan 8th and blew him lots of kisses. We will be lisitng all weekend so check out the auctions, and Maud a wonderful close friend has some auctions going for us at this time too her user name is sarahpooh2001, also Debby Emond put some auctions up for us her user name is ilovepoohbear2002 so please go there and look. Check out their auctions now. love ya all!! We just got done listing over 100 auctions and will list all day on Monday so check them all out.
---UPDATE JAN 25th, 2005--SHORT UPDATE, As you can see from our feedback today we had a lady bid on several items on our auctions with a 0 rating and then the same day they ended she gave us 5 negative feedbacks, we know this was staged and someone that is cruel and sick, to bid on items and then not pay and make up stories is babyish. WE never even sent her a shipping quote and items just ended so we know this was planned by one of the jerks that sent us bad emails so from this day on we are going to cancel all bids on the auction of new users with 0 ratings, we hate to do this but have to protect ourselves and all ratings under 25 will be looked up and ip address checked on with user info before letting the bids stand but all others with 0 ratings will be cancelled right off the bat, we are sorry to do this to new users but have to protect against these ones sending us bad emails. We had 3 emails stating our auctions stink and that they will make sure we don’t get any bids and go under, so we are watching these ones too. They stated in one laughing that our auctions aren't getting any bids and good for us as we don’t deserve it. We think our auctions are doing fine and we have shopped the past few weeks for great items to put on and many new with tags. We spent a lot of time picking things out that were cute expensive and great quality to pass the great savings on to all of you. These people don't realize the work it takes on my part to get Haley ready and shop for days to have things to sell to help our family. We take a lot of pride in our auctions and think we have wonderful items at great prices and great shipping prices also. Please take time out and look through all the auctions and if you want to email the lady that gave us 5 negatives today look at our feedback and you will see her there have fun we sure did with her and also turned her into authorities and eBay for bogus bids and slander. Thank you all for supporting our auctions!!
---UPDATE JAN 28th, 2005, Haley is doing great, playing with all her toys and keeping busy, she cried for the second time since Danny's death yesterday. She asked me to bring her brother back and she missed him and that she missed playing with him and showing off for him and making him laugh. I just help her and cried with her and then she felt better and went off to play again. Please check out new auctions by ilovepoohbear2002 and sarahpooh2001, they both have been helping us out a great deal here please look at their new auctions as well as ours thank you all.
Friday, January 21, 2005 6:13 AM CST
UPDATE JAN 10th, 2005----Haley is getting over her flu and feeling a little better, she still has the ear ache though which kept us both up all night. Dan is back to work and I'm cleaning the house today and listing to keep busy. I finally cleaned out Danny Jr's closet and put things away, I think it was the hardest day of my life since his death doing that. I listed what we had left to put on ebay of his including a few toys and clothes. So hopefully some of you will have a little piece of our little angel as well. I still have stuff in the closet until I can get a big hope chest to put it all in. But we made it Haley's toy closet now and she was excited about that and said Danny would be happy she has her toys in there. We are expecting and ebay friend to fly in this Saturday Tammy DeMars for a 5 day visit so we are looking forward to her visit and very excited. We miss Debby Emond who just left last week and seems like forever since she has been here we love you Deb. WE want to thank Melody, Ron, Carter, Reis and Max for the beautiful flowers they sent Saturday in memory of Danny being gone 2 months, I cried a lot when they came as I was so depressed that day and they really brought a smile to our faces thank you so much. I am going to work on packing auctions this afternoon to ship tomorrow and try to list more later tonight or tomorrow morning if I can. TAHNK YOU ALL AGAIN for always being here for us and being our huge family we feel very blessed to have you all as friends and family.
---UPDATE--Jan 17,2004--We wanted to update a quick one as far as all the nasty emails coming in right now. The pictures of Danny on ebay and his items for sale are by REQUEST from regular customers. the pictures were given to us to help with medical expenses from an ebay friend who asked us to put them up to help with his bills. We have a lot of nasty emails coming in telling us we are sick and nasty mouth people cursing at us for putting Danny's toys, clothes and pictures on ebay, if you don't like it don't look at the auctions. We are fine with this and no we are't sick people we loved Danny with all our hearts more than life itslef. We understand though that others want to have something of Danny's too and when they asked us to do this we had no problem with it and if you do then don't look and don't email us your stupid nasty comments about it. A lot of people loved Danny just as much as we did and there are the people that these auctions are for, the pictures were not our idea but we put them on by request from the lady that send all of them for this purpose. As far as people thinking they know more about our bills than we do why don't you come here and go through them and pay them instead of lashing out at us about them. We pay pur bills and always will and it's non of anyone's business what we have done with Danny's things. We have a full closet here full of his clothes bedding toys and others things we have kept, we have so much we have to buy another hope chest so don't tell us we are sick for selling all his things because we certainly have not sold ALL his things. If you are and uneducated jerk that wants to just sound off in an email find someone else to make unhappy as we know you are. We have blocked the 14 emails that came in today from you all so read it here back off and leave us alone. Is it not enough we deal every day witht he loss of our son, we have a feeling we know who put all these people up to emailing us and your sick lady I wish we could pick our relatives because you certainly would not be one of them. Tell your friends to back off.
---To all our ebay family we love you all and thank you for being there for us, we have Tammy DeMars here from MA and she will be here until Thursday so I am doing catch up on the auctions this evening, Haley is doing great and so is Dan we are relaxing and having a great time with our ebay friend and family member Tammy ;) HUGS TO ALL And if anyone wants the bad emails we just got in we kept them for those who like to respond to them but we blocked them from emailing us again. Let me know :) Put at the top subject line I want the bad emails ;)
JAN.21,2005--PLEASE NOTE to all those who bought from Tori through the Danny Jr fund she set up we never got any of the money from that and are having this investigated at this time. It seems we were scammed again and the authorities are looking into her and especially since she set up the account under Danny jr, we are sad to see how people like this can say they have good intentions but yet scam using our dead son for their own benefit, we would like all those who bought from this Tory under the emial Danny Jr fund to contact Debby Emond at dutchy_loves_winnie_the_pooh@yahoo.com please let her know if you ordered and if you got the order, we are trying to get information on everything that was ordered and paid for and everything that was ordered and not shipped. Including orders that were recieved. Please email Debby right away.
Monday, January 10, 2005 5:54 PM CST
UPDATE--Jan. 8th, 2005--I'm sorry we haven't updated lately we have been spending a lot of time with Haley as she has had the flu. I will get to all auctions ended this weekend. We have had therapy appointments to help us deal with the loss of our son which have helped a great deal. So we have been on the go too.
--- Dan and I talked about me getting an outside job once Haley goes to Kindergarden this year as ebay is not doing well for us here. The auctions have been very slow and it's not enough to keep up with all the medical bills we owe still for Danny Jr. So we hope it picks up soon so I can stick with it but if we can't I will still update the me page often. Please check out all the new listing we put on and I will be listing all weekend in hopes we can get this off the ground again. I love to stay at home and work on ebay but we have way too many expenses too so we will see what happens there.
--- Haley is doing great now and we got our first good snow yesterday so daddy is going to take her out to play in it for a bit today. She cooked all night in her new oven and had a blast. She has been playing with all her new toys and keeping busy here. The therapist is very proud of her and said she is a rare child as to how well she is adjusting with Danny Jr being gone. She said we did a great job preparing her ahead of time and letting her be involved in Danny's care which most parents don't do so she said Haley is one of her star children. She explained how Danny didn't die because of the morphine we gave him which was my big guilt trip here and that helped me more than I can say. She said once you give a child that is going to die the morphine it let's their body relax from fighting all all the pain and suffering for so long and we know Danny fought hard and always came right out of everything. But I didn't know he was in so much pain his body got used to it and his body fought the pain each day because he had such a strong will to live and fight to smile another day but in the end he was suffering so bad he couldn't smile anymore that's where they said he crossed the line between pain and suffering was that Thursday right before we called Hospice out here and we could not comfort hi at all and were up all night with him. So when the morphine took hold he actually relaxed enough to help him into that last stage with no pain and suffering. I felt so much better when she explained that to me as I would lay awake at night and cry my eyes out and the guilt of giving him that was tearing me up inside. I felt like I ended his life early and that I took it and that I played the part of God and said ok this is enough and ended his life and she made me see that it was not true that Danny would have died a long time ago especially if he was left in a hospital or with no love. So he lived and fought so hard to make us smile but when it came time and he suffered so much he needed to let go and that day I knew he couldnt hang on because Dan and I both tried to comfort him but his pain was too much and his eyes told me he couldn't hang on and he needed to let go, I just knew it and the decision was the hardest a parent could ever make without the guilt afterwards. But we are both doing so much better now. We are adjusting but just can't forget either. The pain is way too deep and think that today it has been 2 months now that he has been gone. It seems just yesterday he was at the window back here laughing at everything and making us smile. The therapist was so right when she said we get so frustrated because you want to tell people how you feel but you can't in the right words because unless a person has lost a child they will never know the deep pain and can only imagine it. The pain is something you can't explain, it's an empty feeling inside you knowing that you go on in life without your son to be there to see everything you do and share in all the good times. We go out and we feel so bad because he is not with us. It's a lonely empty hole left in your heart that can't be mended only dealt with in time. We miss him so much here and have been really down and not able to do much. We slept a lot and just had no energy for anything. But I've started liting again and that has helped to keep me busy so this weekend I will list what I have here and hope to do well and get all packages out Monday of auctions that ended and were paid for, thank you for having patience with me in that area. Debby Emond came down for a visit over the New Year Holidays from Canada and we had a fantastic Time , she helped me a great deal at a time when I really needed her and I thank her for that from the bottom of my heart. I love you Debby ;).
--- If you would like information on where we stand with the headstone please email Debby Emond her user name is ilovepoohbear2002 she has all the information Please email Debby, thank you.
---Please check out Maud's auctions she has put up to help us with Danny's bills she has some great items and we are so thankful to her for doing this for us, look now her user name is-- sarahpooh2001
---UPDATE JAN 10th, 2005----Haley is getting over her flu and feeling a little better, she still has the ear ache though which kept us both up all night. Dan is back to work and I'm cleaning the house today and listing to keep busy. I finally cleaned out Danny Jr's closet and put things away, I think it was the hardest day of my life since his death doing that. I listed what we had left to put on ebay of his including a few toys and clothes. So hopefully some of you will have a little piece of our little angel as well. I still have stuff in the closet until I can get a big hope chest to put it all in. But we made it Haley's toy closet now and she was excited about that and said Danny would be happy she has her toys in there. We are expecting and ebay friend to fly in this Saturday Tammy DeMars for a 5 day visit so we are looking forward to her visit and very excited. We miss Debby Emond who just left last week and seems like forever since she has been here we love you Deb. WE want to thank Melody, Ron, Carter, Reis and Max for the beautiful flowers they sent Saturday in memory of Danny being gone 2 months, I cried a lot when they came as I was so depressed that day and they really brought a smile to our faces thank you so much. I am going to work on packing auctions this afternoon to ship tomorrow and try to list more later tonight or tomorrow morning if I can. TAHNK YOU ALL AGAIN for always being here for us and being our huge family we feel very blessed to have you all as friends and family.
(posted by Cathy)
I'm sorry that it has not been updated, I forget to check on the ME page for an update for days at a time, sorry
Tuesday, December 28, 2004 10:59 AM CST
December 26th, 2004--We hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. We really appreciate all the angels sent for the tree to honor Danny Jr. They look wonderful and radiant and they will all be put on each year. Haley had a blast with all her gifts. You all really made her Christmas special this year with the things you sent her. She was so spoiled and we felt so good seeing her open all the gifts and getting so excited about each and every one of them. We spent all day painting care bears, making food in her new oven and playing with her Spiderman, batman toys. She did dress up for us last night with the make-up and outfits she got and we kicked around the hovering soccer ball all evening, we all had a lot of fun and stayed up way past midnight until Haley finally wanted to go to bed. She put all her new stuffed toys and dolls on her bed and she was out like a light. Dan and I couldn’t sleep and we cried really hard together as the day just didn’t seem right to us and kind of depressing without Danny Jr here to share it with. I know he’s having Christmas this year sitting on Jesus lap but that didn’t help not to have him on our lap and watching his face light up and seeing him smile. They emptiness was something almost unbearable at the time. I lost it several times while the kids were opening gifts. I felt the empty spot in my heart just swell and the sick feeling I got almost made me vomit. I really was not looking forward to this and Christmas wasn’t the same for sure. I’m not sure how to get past the empty feelings and the thoughts each day of him and the night after night feelings of an empty cold room he once shared with his wiggles friends. His Thomas things only a reminder of the little boy that loved to be hugged and kissed and hung on for dear life just to make us laugh and see us smile back at him. I look around his empty bedroom and the feeling are overwhelming not seeing him there, downstairs is all a reminder of him, his clothes still in the closet which I don’t dare touch as it’s the only thing left I see that was the same and the empty floor which he once played on and scooted across and the glass doors he used to open and close all the time. How does a parent ever get over the loss of their baby I have no idea as the pain inside is deep and cuts like a knife each day. The sick feeling I get every day knowing I will never hold him again and see him smile or laugh is just too much so Christmas this year for me and Dan was not the same for sure but we did the best we could to make sure Haley had the best Christmas possible and she did believe me she did. She was one happy little girl. I can’t explain the feelings I have inside only to let you imagine that you see your own child playing in the backyard one day and a few days later they are gone forever and all your hopes and dreams for that child gone not ever to get them back not ever to see them again, think of that and then you can know the feelings we have. Danny was such a huge part of our life and with him not here it has changed everything. We once used to think about how Danny suffered so much just to breathe and that once he passed on he would be out of pain and things here would be somewhat a normal life without all the tubes and machines but let me tell you those of you who have children like Danny and you sit there thinking oh God please don’t let them suffer any longer….well once they are gone it’s even worse the pain is much deeper and sickening not having them around. So cherish each day with them and make their lives the best you can now and hold onto every good thought and prayer and keep them around as long as you can because once that day comes this pain no longer goes away. The only comfort we find in all this is that Danny no longer has to struggle each day for air and no longer feel the pain he was in the last few days of his life as it was great. He no longer has the sickness and suffering but the day he died a part of us did too and the pain for us began that day, a pain you can’t explain except to a parent that has lost a child. A pain different than any other its one that runs so deep you can’t run from it, you can’t take meds to make it go away, you can’t even begin to erase it. That pain lives with you and you learn to deal with it, some days you do ok and others you fall apart. We have had one family member since Danny’s death email me a nasty email and being so ignorant of what we are going through and so selfish and of course she has no kids and never wants any so she will never understand what we go through here but it goes to show you people are so selfish and ignorant even at times when you lose a child. The rude emails just make you want to reach through the computer and knock some sense into these ignorant people and this came from a family member that never once saw Danny when he was alive and then came to the funeral and never once went up to the casket or cried and then to email me a nasty letter how rude and selfish and well I cant say exactly what I think of her here but I’m sure you can guess ;) But in all we take each day at a time and deal with things and I think over time the pain will get easier and we will be able to deal with all this but right now it hasn’t even been 2 months yet since he died. But you know what Danny will always live through me and I will keep his memory alive whether it is through auctions or just talking and he will always be remembered through all of you and we thank you for that. I will update more shortly as Haley just woke up and wants to bake some more and play with her light bright toy. Hugs to all love you lots n lots
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, December 17, 2004 2:38 PM CST
Sorry to post this a few days late..I have been busy and hadn't checked the ME page for Barb's update !!
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UPDATE- December 15th, 2004---We got home last night and had a great trip. Dan's sister was a little sick and it wound up her and her husband had the flu. While we were there I fell down some stairs and pulled my lower back out of place so the trip for me was more a nightmare. We wanted to go walk around and show Haley all the Christmas lights down at The Plaza but instead we just drove through there so should could at least see them and she loved it. She was amazed at how decorated everything was. She wanted to get out and ride the carriage ride but there was no way we could. I also forgot my medication so I was itchy and restless the whole time. After we found out about the flu bug his sister had a relative out us up for 2 nights in a nearby hotel where I fell down the stairs and my back got worse as I slept the first night with Haley on one bed that sloped towards the inner floor so I fought the whole night to stay up on it I thought it was just me and all in my head but eh next night we switched with daddy and he slept on it. He went to get in bed and was almost asleep and I was wide awake as I was hurting from the back pain but this you will have to hear ;) Dan gets in bed falls asleep for a few and decides he has to use the bathroom so he gets up turns the light on and proceeds to get back in bed. He goes to get in flops down in the center and the whole bed rose up on the wall side throwing him to the floor and hard, I never laughed so hard in my entire life, I laughed for so long and so hard I started to cry and throughout the night I laughed and laughed. The look on his face was priceless, like what the you know what just happened. He was in shock. I just couldn't stop laughing. So that made the trip well worth it. Needless to say it wasn't just me then and the hotel gave his relative half off for the stay, as the room was cold, the toilet was cracked, heaters didn’t work. It was bad but we had fun visiting the relatives there. Haley stayed one night with grandma which her cat attacked Haley the first day and we felt bad leaving her there as she was terrified after that. Then a friend of Dan's he grew up with died at the age of 25 he and Dan were very close so we went to see his friends family and they were very sweet and they were so sad to hear about Danny Jr. At this house their dog attacked Haley so needless to say I don’t think Haley will ever want a dog or a cat. We went up to the ER when we got home last night and they said I twisted my back pretty good so I have to rest and take it easy. But I will be ok. The 5 hour ride home was a nightmare though. We did get a lot of Angel ornaments for the tree and we thank you all so much, when I list the new auction I will put some pictures of the tree in there so you can see them all. I am working today on getting out all the auctions that ended so I can start listing again. We are asking those who loved Danny Jr. that if you have the song Angels Among Us by Alabama please play this on Christmas day at least one time. We will be doing that here in memory of Danny Jr that is the song I sang to him almost every day. I knew he was an angel and I knew I would hold an angel for a short period of time but what a beautiful lasting memory he has made for us here. Some of the ornaments we received we had to sit there and just cry because of the meaning behind them and the saying on them. The one we got today has his birth and death dates and says he will be having Christmas this year with Jesus. I think I cried so hard. Thank you all for sending such beautiful ornaments, I will try and get close ups for the auction pictures. We have one that is amazing its Danny’s Jr’s picture inside a globe with 2004 on it and you can see through his picture it’s amazing. Haley is doing great she is so excited about the holidays and can't wait to open her gifts. She gets more excited as the days go on and she sees them under the tree and wants to rip them open. Every day she asks how much longer mommy. She's a broken record here but we love it, she gets us in the Christmas spirit as we really have none right now. But Haley knows how to make us laugh when we are down. We are blessed to have her and David and Randy. Well I’m off to finish up auctions that ended and get them sent out tomorrow thank you all for being patient with us. Love you all.
---UPDATE- December 15th, 2004---ANGELS AMONG US: Song "Angels Among Us" by ALABAMA (Don Goodman/Becky Hobbs)
---I was walking home from school on a cold winter's day
---Took a shortcut through the woods and I lost my way
---It was getting late and I was scared and alone
---Then a kind old man took my hand and led me home
---Mama couldn't see him, but he was standing there
---But I knew in my heart, he was the answer to my prayers
---
---Oh I believe there are angels among us
---Sent down to us from somewhere up above
---They come to you and me in our darkest hours
---To show us how to live
---To teach us how to give
---To guide us with a light of love
---
---When life dealt troubled times and had me down on my knees
---There's always been someone there to come along and comfort me
---A kind word from a stranger to lend a helping hand
---A phone call from a friend just to say I understand
---Ain't it kind of funny at the dark end of the road
---Someone lights the way with just a single ray of hope
---
---Oh I believe there are angels among us
---Sent down to us from somewhere up above
---They come to you and me in our darkest hours
---To show us how to live
---To teach us how to give
---To guide us with a light of love
---
---They wear so many faces
---Show up in the strangest places
---Grace us with their mercy
---In our time of need
---
---Oh I believe there are angels among us
---Sent down to us from somewhere up above
---They come to you and me in our darkest hours
---To show us how to live
---To teach us how to give
---To guide us with a light of love.
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, December 10, 2004 1:27 PM CST
December 7th-Sorry it took us so long to update we had our password stolen on ebay and I couldn't access the me page or my account until we got it changed and everything straight, some people can be so cruel especially at a time when we need to be listing. We will start listing again this week. Haley has had a rough week so we have been spending a lot of time with her. She is very confused as to why Danny is not coming home. She has cried a lot and been really down here. The gifts you all have sent her have really cheered her up, she has watched most of the movies sent to her like Elf, Mickeys Christmas, Harry Potter, Care Bears, Atlantis, Arthurs First Christmas and more wow she has been thrilled to get them. She loves all her coloring things and crafts, Thank you for helping her get through this. She really is having a tuff time right now. Every day she tells us how she misses Danny her little brother and opens the back door and blows kisses to him up to heaven. I have all the cards set aside to send thank you notes too along with any packages that came so please know we did get them but we have been caught up with trying to get Haley though all this. Dan is doing ok as well as myself. I go into the hospital tomorrow for a bunch of a test as I have been having numbness in my left arm a lot along with some other things due to stress. I will let you know how everything goes. Dan is back at work but he just can't seem to get with it, he is really down as well as myself this is something that just won't go away over night. The emptiness of the house along with our routine really has been a downer here. We got a huge surprise in the mail when a wonderful ebay family sent us certificate for a bed and breakfast here for an evening and the room has a fireplace so we are very excited about this and can't wait to make plans to go and take Haley with us for an evening out. Thank you Jennifer Kang and family. Also all the books sent to us to help us get through all this have been very helpful thank you all we appreciate that too. I have a few new cute pictures of Haley in her new Incredibles outfit I will post with the new auctions, she is a big fan after seeing the movie. She wears the outfit every day and runs around here like a super hero so that boosted her spirits a lot, we got her 3 things for Christmas and this was one of them but we caved in after seeing her so depressed and gave it to her early and it brought her back to life the past 2 days. We have been working with the monument company to get things started on Danny's headstone. Need information contact Debby Emond her user name is ilovepoohbear2002. A special thanks to a special lady who has helped us through all this and didn't want her name mentioned but know we have a special place in our hearts for you ;). We couldn't have made it without you ;) And that goes for all our ebay friends you have all been there for us helping us whether it was bidding on auctions,helping other ways or wonderful uplifting emails, we thank you all for getting us through the hardest times of our life here. We made it because of all of you, when our immediate families were never there for us we had all of you to depend on and care for us and we love you all. I will be lisitng soon and angel costume I had made for Danny jr. and we were going to have his pictures taken in it and the outfit came right before he died so it has special meaning and wanted whoever wins this to know that he is an angel even though we never got to take the cute pictures we had set up to do with it. I can't keep it as it's a reminder to me of what we were going to do but never got a chance as it was too late. But it is adorable and I will list it tomorrow along with his peek a blocks wagon and his Noahs ark peek a blocks. We have a good friend who posted some auctions today to help with the funds for the headstone please check her auctions out her user name is amyjarkal and her name is Amy, thank you Amy :) Also Debby mentioned above under her user name ilovepoohbear2002, or her seller name has an auction going for Danny too.
---UPDATE- December 9th- We are going to see Dan's sister in Kansas City who is pregnant right now. After years of trying they have been blessed. Haley we think needs this get away right now as well as ourselves. Haley is doing fine right now and excited about going on a trip. I went to the doctor and they said I have severe dry skin maybe caused by stress and they put me on medication along with some creams and some allergy medications. So I will be ok the medication just makes me very tired all the time. I will list as soon as we get back, Dan is also doing ok right now a little down but we had a hard time as yesterday was 1 month since we lost our beautiful angel. We got a couple ornaments for the tree today and placed them on there and it looks great, I will also take pictures of it and post them with new auctions. Sonja Woods came by to spend the day and we all went to Wal-Mart and to get something to eat so it was nice just getting out of here. I will try and get the rest of these orders shipped in the morning and if something happens where i can't I will for sure ship everything on Tuesday when we get back. Oh funny part at the doctor he suggested I put crisco oil all over me for the dry skin, now I don't know about you but to sit around with that stuff on me and smell it and let alone get it all over the house was just not going to happen so I went with the lotion he gave me instead :) Please hold all emails until Tuesday, we are having the mail put on hold at the post office and will pick everything up on Tuesday also. Hugs to all we love you please know that each one of you are very special to us, love to all our family.
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, December 3, 2004 4:38 PM CST
I got this e-mail from Barb today...Man it really ticks me off that people will NOT LEAVE THE BALOWS ALONE...They are a grieving family..WHY WHY WHY does others have to be so mean...All I will say, to keep from getting too upset it....YOU WILL HAVE TO ANSWER TO GOD FOR BEING MEAN TO ANYONE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Now on to the e-mail...Sorry !!
Cathy
can you send me the link to the caring bridge site again I lost some of my emails, someone got in and stole my password for ebay so we are in a world of hurt here, we got everything changed but what a mess, I lost the link too, I can't even update the me page right now, so if you can post it in the caring bridge site I know several asked about helping with Danny's headstone and we just got the bill today and we have to wait to get it started as they want $800 down so if anyone ask can you please let them know they can help by sending it though paypal or right to the people at the top on the invoice, this would help as I cant even get into the me page or do up auctions until we get this all fixed, ebay is calling us back later today, I dont know who did or how but I think at a time like this that was pretty crappy of someone. My nerves have taken a lot but this was the icing on the cake, thank you again for all the help, Please contact Debby Emond ebay member ilovepoohbear2002 her email address is dutchy_loves_winnie_the_pooh@yahoo.com for information on the Danny Jr. fund link and how they can make donations towards the headstone. She also has a copy of the bill with the address on it for the place we are getting the headstone from. Or if anyone wants to see it first. Email Debby for all this information.
love ya lots
If anyone ask the bill includes, the stone, etching of the wiggles, a vase for the side and 2 pictures of danny
Thanks,
Barb (Newmommy37)
Thursday, December 2, 2004 1:35 PM CST
November 29th-Please note we were contacted by ebay to remove the link for the danny jr fund, some jerks turned our me page in and told them we had a link on it so we had to remove it or they would cancel our me page, I will see if the lady doing that fund will let me put her address in here to contact her directly, I am still behind on emails and thank you notes and the auctions so hang in there with me. We have had a lot to do the past week, my son had been sick and we went down there to stay with them for a few days and we're back now but please hold all emails right now until I can get caught up. We trying to list too so we can get enough saved for Danny's headstone right now. We have tons of bills to pay so we had to start listing again which put me behind on emails, then Dan was very sick and now my son so we have been on the go here. Haley is doing great and trying to cope with things the best she can, she really misses her brother. I want to thank all of you for sending her cheer me up packages that really gets her through all this and takes her mind off things when she has other things to keep her busy. We did get everyone's packages and I have notes set aside to send thank you cards out which I will get to those this weekend. I know packages have been delayed too but we will get all this out in the next 2 days. Thank you all for being here for our family. If you have a general email with thoughts you'd like to send please post them on the caring bridge site as we look at that every evening and read what people have written there, right now our regular home email the box is full and we have over 500 still to answer. So if you sent an email and you haven't heard from us yet we are getting to them all :) Love you all.
---UPDATE-November 30th----If you like the link to the Danny Jr fund to order items for Christmas and help with expenses for Danny Jr. and the headstone, please contact Debby Emond at dutchy_loves_winnie_the_pooh@yahoo.com she will give you the link just put it in the subject line for her, thank you Debby :)
(posted by Cathy)
Saturday, November 27, 2004 0:34 AM CST
PLEASE CHECK OUT THIS PAGE DONE BY TORI AND HER HUSBAND CLICK WHERE IT SAYS HOLIDAY GIFT SHOP AND ANY ITEMS ORDERED 100% OF THE PROFITS GO TO DANNY JR FUND, HERE IS THE SITE: http://www.geocities.com/dannyjrfund/
---Today has been tough…horrifically if that is a word. I have spent the day holding Barb, running a cold washcloth over her face, and putting her to bed early. Haley stayed up with me until 9:30 pm, and then I put her to bed. She got up 3 times crying and I asked her why she was crying. She said “my brother is gone and he can’t laugh at me anymore.” I sat back and took pause when she said this… and assured her that Danny is laughing at her antics up in heaven. She is so lost….lonely….sad….and we as mom and dad can only fill part of the void. She asked Barb today is we are going to have another baby…and was told we are not….and followed it up by asking for a puppy…and was told that mom was allergic to all kinds of pet hair…otherwise she would have had a dog a long time ago. So tonight she sat on my lap…daddy’s lap…and we had our talk. She asked if we would ever move…and I assured her we wouldn’t. She wanted to know if daddy would protect her from scary monsters…that was an easy one for daddy…god yes! She then asked me if we can all die soon and see baby Danny. Folks….as a hardened military man of 14 years…I let tears stream down my eyes as I answered.. . Eventually we will all see him…when Jesus calls us. I put her to bed then…with all 6 of her security blankets…came downstairs…sat it the spot that he died in…and just cried…hell, just wailed…and held myself...and prayed…to god…to Jesus…to anyone that would listen to me in the heavens. I am broken...in the heart and the soul and miss my baby more than simple English words can express. I am not the warrior…. I was but the daddy… he is the warrior…my namesake…my everything. I still sign my name senior…because I’ll be damned but whether I am only the name…he’s beyond the name…he’s the fiber in my heart that is now missing…but strangely still there…he’s what I wanted him to be in a man…much bigger than daddy…
(posted by Cathy)
Wednesday, November 24, 2004 6:48 PM CST
We have been running a lot the past few days here. Dan has been in and out of the hospital he has strep throat really bad and one of the worse cases they said they have seen yet, his throat swelled shut and he couldn’t swallow and got to where he couldn’t breathe so he had to go in. He is home now and on medication and sleeping a lot. Haley is doing ok, she cried hard for the first time since Danny’s death on Monday so we both cried with her. She said she misses him so much and with tears filling her eyes looked at us with that desperate look for an answer and asked us if Danny was coming back soon. We said no baby he is not coming back he is in heaven and has his wings and an angel now. She is so confused but so smart too. Tammy Demars sent us a huge picture she made with Danny’s image looking out the back door and she fell in love with it and asked if we could put it up in her room, she sat there and kissed the picture. The pictures of Danny being sent I have to tell you are a treasure in itself we are going to put them all up on his bedroom wall. We have a lady from Louisiana Anne Schexnaydre that is making us a family memory quilt and we can’t wait to get it. Haley and I got matching bracelets form a lady and she got several movies and toys she has been playing with. Thank you all for making her day and keeping her busy. We know everyone keeps asking what more they can do, if anyone wants to send an angel for our tree this year in remembrance of Danny Jr we are welcoming those right now. Our tree is going to be to remember him and we are doing it up in angels. We have a couple sent already and that gave us the idea to do this for him this year since he can’t be with us. We are listing more auctions today and in the evenings we are working on emails and thank you cards so please be patient we will get to them all but we also have to list as we still have enormous bills to pay off here. Please note we have received all your packages and I set them aside right now in one room so I can know what came from everyone and then I will send thank you notes and give Haley all her stuff so I know who sent what. Haley has been playing with her new care bear and her my little pony toys today. She is watching a new care bears movie she received and a few veggie tales movies she got so she is content today. Thank you all for still making this happen and making her comfortable and loved. I sat here today and looked out the back door and watched it snow and all I could think of was Danny and how much he loved to look outside and get excited. He would have loved this and as the tears began rolling down my face pictures flashed in my head of the ones I took with him looking out the back door and how cute he looked. His face would light up and he’d look up at me as if to say mommy isn’t it beautiful outside and I would bend down and kiss him and lift his arm up and tickle him and make him laugh so hard and kiss him some more. I sure do miss that. I miss holding him and watching the wiggles with him. I miss the way Haley would jump out at him and he would laugh and fall over. So many things are so different here it changes your life forever. The emptiness is so hard to explain it’s like a hole in your heart that never gets filled. I want to just feel his skin and touch him and love him but I can’t anymore, it’s so depressing. My little baby boy is gone forever and I can’t see him smile anymore. You’re all so lucky you see to have children right there that you can hold and touch and yell at and tell them hey get off the couch and quit yelling and hey clean up that mess, isn’t life wonderful with kids, think about for a minute if they were gone or any one of them were done forever and you didn’t have them to love anymore what would you do? You’d be lost like we are. Thank God we have Haley to keep us going and the 2 older boys, we are grateful for them and Haley we will do our best to make her the happiest little girl ever and love her so much. She is so precious and has a heart of gold I wish you could all meet her; she is so spunky and full of life. Haley is a very smart girl for her age. Thank you all for keeping us part of your family, we love you all!! Happy Thanksgiving to all our friends and ebay family.
Love the Balow Family
(posted by Cathy)
Sunday, November 21, 2004 9:16 PM CST
SHORT NOTE, We already being swamped with rude nasty emails about selling Danny's things online, please don't look at them if this bothers you and don't email us about it as this is something we are willing to do and are happy to do it for all the ebay members that asked. We have over 70 emails with request for this to be done. I needed something to take my mind off things and Haley helped me sort Danny's toys today and she wanted to others to have them as well. We laughed as sorted we talked about Danny and how he played with certain things and I let her pick out all the ones she wanted to keep and the ones we knew we could not get rid of so have 2 bins full of his toys and still have a bucket we can let go of so yes we are fine with this and we made sure Haley was too. It is part of our healing and still we feel we are helping others to have something of his and yet the money to go to help with his bills at the same time. So all those out there that feel you need to tell me how to run my house and how to feel and how not to give his things away please just don't email me I will only delete them. I know how I feel and I know what I can handle and I know what I can give up and what I can keep. This email is not intended for our wonderful friends that just suggested that we keep things to remember him by we love you for all the suggestions and please know we have so many things we have kept we filled the hope chest and need to buy anothr one so yes we have a lot of things we will never get rid of ;) This email is for the jerks that call us nasty names and tell us they are glad Danny is dead so at least he's in heaven where people love him. And another email telling us we are cold hearted cruel people for selling his things so quickly, well if we are ok with this then back off. I am really angry at all the stupid people that want to tell us how sick we are and how our son is better off where he is at. It never ends with you crazy wacko jobs out there does it. Please get some help and find someone else to make miserable as we can see you already are.
---Now to all our family and friends, thank you for always being her for us and helping us through all the good times and the bad times, sorry if I sounded out of line but my inbox is full and now even fuller with jerks that have to give their opinion. I'm going to list Danny's toys today and videos we did keep his favorite wiggles tapes though. But after we list these I am going to work on answering emails again tonight. Haley actually really had fun today going through all Danny's things and talking about each and every toy, I think it was almost like theropy for her, what a difference in her today I think she needed this. She is happy and running around and playing not sure what the sorting of toys did for her but it sure did perk her up and she even wanted to hold some of them for the pictures :) LOVE YOU ALL
(posted by Cathy)
Saturday, November 20, 2004 1:47 AM CST
I find myseld often wondering around the house and walking in circles many times before I get anything done. We had a carpet company out of St Louis that read about Danny come out and clean all our carpets for free as a gift to us, it was so nice of them. We are very grateful and thank them so so much. But as they got done I fell apart it was like they had washed everything that was left of Danny away fom me. His stained milk spills on the carpet, his medication spills by me of course and just his smell was still down here. You could sit here and close your eyes and still smell his little skin and hair in the air. Now it's nothing but shampoo and clean carpets. I really lost it yesterday it was devasting to me. I can't describe it but it was almost like the day of the funeral when I knew I couldn't touch him anymore and now I can't even smell his little smells anymore. Haley is doing ok she is kind of lost at times and is writing down everything she feels in little books she has been sent by ebay friends, she calls them all her diaries and today she was making a list so we could get a headstone and what she wanted on it, this was so cute. We got approval by the Wiggles to have their images etched in Danny's headstone that came today so now we just have to go look at them and see how much they are and go from there but the plans are to have their images etched on it and his picture put in an oval frame on front with angles all around. Dan is hanging in there he and Haley both are sick right now. He has run himself down so badly and now is so sick so he's resting today. Haley had to stay home as she has a sore throat. We listed dome auctions today of things that were Danny's as we had many request for the things we were going to get rid of. We have kept a bedding set his pillows and special blankets, his wiggles blanket was buried with him along with his froggie. But we can't keep everything we have no room and the hope chest is full so we have to find another one soon. But please no emails bad about putting his stuff on this was requested by a lot of ebay friends that wanted a chance to have something of his. And we thought it was a great idea. I can't get over the daily empitness and the huge loss and hole in my heart. The pain won't go away and I cry on the spot or at a drop in the hat. Everything here is Danny Jr just everything. Then the Catholic Nun next door died this morning and she was just at Danny's visitation holding me and comforting me. I was floored. On our block alone here we have had 5 deaths within 1 year so to us that is very unusal and scary at that. I will update more later with a few cute stories about Haley after I get her a bath, thank you all that have sent her little gifts and movies she loves them and you made her day very special, she has been watching movies all day today. Love you all.
(posted by Cathy)
Tuesday, November 16, 2004 2:34 PM CST
To our dearest friends— Today has been as tough as they get. One week ago today, our world became an emotional holocaust that was unimaginable. It has been sheer hell for sure, but with time we will get back on track, a day at a time. Barb usually takes Haley to school in the morning, and I walk around here in a haze, making lists of things to do, losing the lists, and making new ones. Every room in this house has a memory and just picking up just brings the strongest man to his knees. We have yet to clean, vacuum, dust, or things we used to do in a few hours. We spend much of the day holding eachother in bed, on the couch, or what we call “wanderwalking.” That would be walking around the house meaning to accomplish a chore, but taking an hour to do it. We talk with eachother…all day most of the time…remembering this and that…and making eachother laugh. Holding eachother…and crying together. A smoking crisp is all that remains of ½ of our hearts. I found myself laying on the floor today, looking up at the entertainment center glass, where Danny’s wet little fingers used to open and close the glass doors 100’s of times a day. It is loaded with fingerprints, and faintly you can see his palm print. I touch the glass, on the outside…to be close to him for a moment, but not to mar his fingerprints. I don’t want it washed off…not just yet…it’s my small lifeline to him. Barb did laundry this morning and found his sheets to his bed. We just held eachother in the laundry room and cried. So many more rooms have the same emotional tie…they will have to be reckoned with one by one. Barb and I gathered the strength today to gather to remainder of his flowers that were in the sunroom and take them to his grave. I can vouch that I have never felt more sick, disgusted, mad and sad as when I walked to his graveside with the remainder of his flowers. It wasn’t 2 weeks ago he was sitting at the backdoor watching squirrels running up the trees and Barb was snapping his picture…some of his last. Some fool has once said that time heals all wounds…well I beg to differ. My family is my Achilles heel…and undoubtedly my lifeblood. Barb has asked me to apologize for not writing back as quickly as possible. She now has 400 emails in the bereavement box, and 270 in the regular inbox. We will get back to each and every one of you...we promise…but sitting at the computer is hard to do for long periods of time. As we respond, we have a relationship with each one of you…and writing what is in our hearts often times produces deep pain and tears. We have been extremely fortunate despite all of this. Getting to know so many of you personally…having you share in our lives…and being there through thick and thin has been our solace. We love all of you individually, and can never begin to thank you for all you have done for our family. Your love will help us heal…as a father I saw your outpouring of love at the wake and funeral. You have helped soften me; as my son did…and allow me the gift of finding the good in everyone.
God bless all of you! Dan Sr------
(posted by Cathy)
Sunday, November 14, 2004 12:52 AM CST
I'm sorry I didn't do an update sooner. We have been spending time with Haley and trying to collect our thoughts and feelings and talk together about our pain and anger here. Yesterday I went through a phase where I was so mad at everything, I was angry and upset and I was trying to understand why we had to lose our beautiful son. It took me awhile but I was ok and then tried to focus on all the beautiful memories we have in our hearts and minds. We went through pictures and talked about what he Danny was doing in each one and how we shared the most beautiful 2 ½ years with our son. Our lives were so focused on him and then keeping Haley happy at the same time that there was never any time for anything else. Right now we are sorting through cards and reading emails and trying to answer them but I have to tell you this may take me awhile we have over 700 in the inbox right now. What I will do is take it slow and answer each and every one of them and I know I need to send thank you cards out and it may take awhile too so bear with me. Haley has been playing with all her new goodies she got from several of you and we thank you for that. That was the best thing you all could have ever done for her she is so focused on her new toys and stuffed toys that she doesn’t think about the other things. Right now she is asking a lot of questions about God and Jesus and the angels and wants only to read her Bible Story book so we have started at the beginning with her and reading it each day. She just now walked over here and asked me to get rid of all Danny’s Wiggles movies as that bothers her. I asked her if there is anything we could get her to make this all better right now and she said lots of new movies. Any movies mommy as long as they are all the new ones, not sure what that means and what’s new as I am so out of it here. She just popped in the Veggie tales movie which she hasn’t watched in forever. We got rid of most of them as she never watched them but she found one lonely one down there and is now watching it. I think she is getting interested in God and knowing him right now. She has a few angel bears she sleeps with very close to her face now and says Danny is her guardian angel. She understands more than we give her credit for. As for Dan he is taking this hard as he and Danny Jr were 2 peas in a pod. Every day he took him upstairs to play and they had such a good time together so a part of him has died inside. You can see the difference in both of us. My despair began when we pulled up in the funeral car and saw the vault that Danny was to be put in sitting there waiting for his cold little body to be placed in. The thought of him going in that cold ground just made me go off the deep end. My little boy that I wanted to protect forever and that I would do anything for was no longer breathing, no longer laughing and no longer going to look me in the eyes to let me know he loved me so much. Even though he couldn’t talk that look was all I needed. The love he had inside was more than enough for thousands of people. He loved life and he loved to make trouble when he could opening and closing cabinet doors, banging the entertainment center door made of glass and you sat here and said Danny Jr stop that you’ re going to get hurt and he would look at us and that devious little grin oh man would melt you. Then he would smile as if to say hahahahahha. His last few days before getting really sick he even tried to get up the stairs as he knew Haley was upstairs and he pulled himself but just couldn’t get his body up there. What an amazing little man he was and is. He made our lives what it is today. We are thankful we had each and every moment with him. I have to go back to the day we pulled up at the grave site. My heart just sank. Think about that being your child and there is nothing you can do but you don’t want to let go and you know inside that this will be the last day you can touch him and feel his hair and kiss his fat little cheeks. Dan had to pull me away from him because if I had my choice that day I would have sat there all night with him so they wouldn’t close that casket top and seal him up and put him down in that cold ground dark and lonely. If that was your child as your thinking right now you would feel the same way I did. I wanted to pick him up and hold him and cradle him and sing to him. I wanted to show him mommy was there to protect him, but in spirit he knew I was there and wanted all these things for him. I tell him each day that I would have traded places with him in a second. When I had to walk away was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, my knees were shaking I was so weak and I cried so hard. I never cried that hard ever but that day my part of me was left behind to be put in the ground and part of me will be there too. I go on knowing that we have Haley and we must focus on her and helping her have the best life possible. I have two older boys that need me as well and the oldest to have his son born in late Jan. So we now look forward to be grandparents and raising our beautiful little girl. She is the super glue that will hold us all together. Unbreakable bonds we have developed. Unbendable love and unbeatable odds to have a healthy happy life with the help of all of you. Unending friendships to last a lifetime. Danny gave us so much more. He gave us a family here that we can depend on. I still cry all the time here and won’t deny it. I cannot get over the emptiness in my heart and in the house but most of all the emptiness in my arms. My arms ache for my son to hold him to kiss him to love him. Now I must depend on my faith and know he is in good hands and at peace. Haley wanted to make sure we were still having Christmas for her this year and we told her yes baby we will and we will thank God at Christmas for sending his son to us to die for all mankind to erase our sins so we can be forgiven and all go to heaven and boy that made her smile but got her thinking and so we now have a little girl asking about God and Jesus. So our journey begins with a beautiful daughter so focused on God and the love she has for the Big Guy in the sky who is now holding her little brother in his arms. We thank God each day we were blessed with Danny and how many people out there can say they were given a son who made such an impact all over the world and loved by so many and touched so many lives and we held an angel a real angel for 2 ½ years right here in this house in our arms. Jesus was here for a short time and look at the impact on the lives he changed then died and went to heaven to be his father and Danny too was here not for the same purpose as Jesus but he had a purpose, he saved a little boys life whom his mommy was going to abort but because of reading about Danny she changed her mind and to this day still sends pictures of him to us. His purpose is he saved one life and touched so many others. I still look at the flowers in the sun room and think about how many friends we have out there. How many people loved Danny so much? He was here alright for a short time but loved so much in that short period. If there is one thing as I said so many time before when I began his journal that we wanted to happen is this again: Look at your child or children and when they goof up and make you angry and you want to lash out stop right there think about Danny think about how this could be you and you would only have a short time with your child, pick that child up kiss them love them and just explain to them what made you angry and tell them you love them but just want them to behave and hold them close and make them know you love them. Just don’t say it show it. Spend that time with them. Take them out for ice cream, tuck them in and say their prayers with them, read them a book as Danny loved to be read to. Kids love books all of them do and just read them a short one if you don’t have time but read to them. Have dinner together at least once a week if you’re a busy family but that time together is important. Look at them and hug them and tell them I love you I really do and you mean the world to me and I will always love you. It is amazing how they settle down after just talking. Then if they are still tearing down the blinds and throwing food all over the house and hitting their siblings well then after a long day take a calgon bath ;) But remember they are your kids they are part of you and if one day God forbid they were gone you would miss all the times believe me you would miss everything they are doing right now. Look at them though really watch them and see how they tick its amazing the things they say and do when you really take time to watch them. Not just look take time out tonight I ask each and every one of for me and for Danny and read a book and watch their faces and look in their eyes and see the real child you have created, and ALWAYS remember they are your children but most importantly they are God’s children given to you to make the best life possible for them. No matter what the hardships. We will be paying bills off here from the past 2 ½ years until we die but you know what every penny paid is well worth the time we had with Danny Jr and I would change one second of our life. I wouldn’t trade one minute and do anything different, we had great times and we had a love that was like no other and today we are content knowing we did what we could, we made him happy and in the end we made him comfortable so he pass on to the next world and be with God in heaven. He is at peace, he is still loved and he still had a purpose and to this day he will live on in all of us and live on in those who really loved him. I know he will be a guardian angel for a lot of people out there. I will be listing again soon as many have asked and I will try later this week, I know we have to get started again to pay everything but right now my heart and soul is just not with it. I know I have a lot of emails to answer and I will get to them slowly. My mind at times just races and goes into another world; I can sit here and be looking at something but see nothing. I space out a lot and when people talk to me I hear them but I don’t hard to explain but my mind is elsewhere, it’s like your trying to remember every little detail about Danny and so afraid you will forget even though I won’t your mind has you searching for every detail. For every face that was made for every noise for every laugh. So you space out and in go into your own little world. I close for now thanking you all for making this time so special for being there with us for us and holding us in your arms. Thank you for loving us all and for all the cards, letters and donations to help with funeral expenses. And the gorgeous flowers which etched in my mind a beautiful yet sad day. Memories of Danny will be here with us all let’s never let that die out. I close with this. “But God hath promised strength for the day, Rest for the labor, Light for the way, Grace for the trials, Help from above, Unfailing sympathy, undying love.”
Thanks, Barb (Newmommy37)
(Posted by Cathy)
Monday, November 8, 2004 10:05 AM CST
For the next few days, we will keep updating this, instead of shoving it to the past jouranl..Thank you for all your love and support to the Balows !
Cathy
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*** NOTE *** PLEASE DO SEND FLOWERS TO HONOR DANNY JR. THERE HAS BEEN SOME CONFUSION ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF FLOWERS ORDERED FOR DANNY JR. AND IT SEEMS NOW THAT THERE ARE VERY FEW ORDERS. WHEN MY MOM AND I WENT TO BOTH FLOWER SHOPS IN TROY THIS MORNING THERE WERE 3 ORDERS AT ONE (EVERY BLOOMIN THING 618-667-8300) AND ONLY THE ONE ORDER THAT DANNY'S FAMILY HAD PLACED FOR HIS CASKET AT THE OTHER LOCATION (RITA MARIE'S FLOWER SHOP 618-667-3072). THERE WAS SOME KIND OF MISCOMMUNICATION AND WE'VE BEEN TELLING EVERYONE TO SEND MONEY DONATIONS RATHER THAN FLOWERS, BUT NOW WE ARE ALSO ENCOURAGING FLOWER DONATIONS IF THAT'S SOMETHING YOU WOULD LIKE TO DO. THERE HAVE BEEN NO PLANTS ORDERED EITHER, SO THAT IS ANOTHER OPTION IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEND SOMETHING THAT WILL LAST. THE BALOW'S WILL STILL GREATLY APPRECIATE MONEY DONATIONS AS THE FUNERAL EXPENSES WILL COST THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS.
GOD BLESS YOU ALL, Sonja Woods.
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NOVEMBER 11TH, 2004---VISITATION DAY--Next to Danny passing away Monday this one of the hardest days of my life. Seeing Danny in the casket just made me sick but yet I knew the moment I saw him he was no longer in pain. I read the emails sent to me and re-read them and they hit me hard and made me think and I want to thank you all. I came to realize I was and I am a good mommy. I did everything I could to make Danny happy and give him the best life possible. I was there for every cry for every laughter and every surgery and illness. I did what I could to make sure he knew we all loved him. I looked at him today and even though at first he didn’t look much like I remembered with all the makeup on and his hair was kind of weird looking I knew that as my baby and he was at peace. Of course mommy went up there fixed his hair the right way and I felt his cheeks and his hands and I held it and told him I would love him forever and he will always be in my heart and prayers. I will treasure each and every memory and keep his spirit alive through pictures and video. I kissed him several times and then I told him how much he was loved by so many eBay friends all over the world and here is a kiss from all of them and bent down and kissed his forehead his nose his cheeks and his lips and told him to watch over each and every eBay friend who loved him dearly.
--- The flowers are so beautiful they took our breath away, the arrangements with angels and bears and toys and stuffed toys and plants were just breath taking. People were in awe over all the flowers and all the friends Danny has. Thank you all for making that so special for us. We counted and there were over 40 arrangements there. We were overwhelmed with joy and the feeling that we and Danny were so loved and again this day changed my whole way of thinking. I know now I am a good mommy ,did all I could and would have done more including trading places with him in a heartbeat and I will miss Danny so much.
---Dan, Haley, Randy and David and I took it really hard when we first walked it, it just drops you to your knees to him. We all stood together and talked to him, kissed him and told him how much he will be missed. As for Haley she was very confused, she stood there and played with him and put his car next to him and then she drew pictures to place by his pillow and we saved those for everyone to see. She drew the 4 of us and then Danny as an angel next to our house watching over it and this from a 4 year old, the second picture she drew Danny as an angel and balloons and clouds, she said we would we give Danny balloons and they would fly high up to the clouds where he is an angel. Cyndee from Canada sent a picture of her son holding the balloons and she carried it around everywhere. She told Danny this “It’s ok little buddy your just sleeping and you will come home to play with me soon” And then she said “ I will see you at home your just sick and you will be better and come home to play.” It broke our hearts and of course we all burst into tears. We have a lot of work to do with her and explaining still but she will be ok, we got her into therapy and she starts next week so she can understand what happened and talk about it and get the right kind of help to deal with all this. But in all she did pretty good and I really think she’s going to be ok. We had friends fly in from Canada Debby and Melody and Crystal from Chicago was there and we had a really great time talking to each one they are all wonderful people and a lady from the base we are close too from eBay came in and then you all know Judy and Sonja who were there the whole time making sure everything went smoothly, we thank them for making our day so special and not having to worry about anything. There were a lot of people from the base there that were so very sweet and kind and Danny’s therapist came along with his day and night nurse he had for 2 years. All of Dan’s family came in which was wonderful to see them all together and happy and talking. My 2 older boys were Randy who is 21 and David 23 the oldest had his wife with him. Joe our very dear friend was right by Dan’s side the whole time. Debby Emond whom I dearly love was right there helping me through it all along with Melody, Judy and Sonja. I thank God each day we have such dear wonderful friends who care so much, you have all made us the parents we are today with all your help and support and prayers and emails. So you all have had a part in Danny being alive for as long as he was. He is your son, your grandson, your brother, nephew and little buddy just as much as he was our son. That is why we have shared our journal even in the last days with pictures with all of you. I could not see getting to this point and then cutting you all off, I know in my heart you all love him and have to have closure just as we do. We have a few pictures from the visitation today email if you want those and in the subject just put visitation pics. I have all your emails in my inbox on hold and will answer each and every one after I can recuperate from this all next week. Dan had a really rough day but like me this day changed us both. We talked and agreed that it helped seeing all the flowers and knowing the love behind each and every one sent along with those who sent donations to help with the funeral expenses. We felt loved and supported by all of you. We will be great parents to Haley and give her all the love she needs and always keep Danny alive here so she never forgets but remembers she has a little brother that loved her dearly. But now we must face tomorrow to me the most difficult time and nerve wrecking. We will release the balloons knowing all of you will be doing the same. We have a Wiggles story to tell but I am exhausted and must go to bed and will tell it tomorrow but they themselves were in contact and would have been here for the funeral if they had known in time, so in place they all signed a wiggles t-shirt and sent it fed-ex to us which came today. What a treasure this is and will be kept in his hope chest or if we can find a frame we will frame it in honor of Danny Jr. The shirt arrived right as we were walking out the door, God Bless the Wiggles and all who made that possible thank you Stacey for getting that going and making a little boys dream come true and I’m sure he was looking down smiling really big ;) Love you all.
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NOVEMBER 10TH, 2004--The day started out with Haley waking up and she was so upset and crying because her daddy didn't take down Danny Jr's bed yet, as she said it bothered her being in his room still set up so Dan called some friends from the base who came over when she went to school and took it down. I couldn't watch as the took it away because I felt again like my heart was being torn in two. Sonja came over with her mom Judy and they helped me out this morning and bought me a rose and a beautiful angel holding up a baby so I set it right by Danny's pictures. They got Haley some balloons as she was so happy when she got home. Debby Emond and Melody arrived from Canada today and I was thrilled to see them. We talked for a long time and then went to get Haley some shoes and tights to wear and get me some shoes. So it was nice to get out for a bit. Dan's dad arrived today also. Joe stayed with us all day and left a little bit ago. Dan just left to take his dad to the hotel and I sit here with my thoughts about tomorrow and tears well up in my eyes because I know I will see my son again but not the way I want to. I want him in my arms to hold and protect him the thoughts of putting him in the ground that is so cold and so unforgiving just kills me inside. I can't bear to think about him being alone even though I know he's in heaven watching over us all. The thoughts are there and I struggle with them, the emptiness and the lonely feelings that are deep in my heart. The routine around here has changed so much that I walk around spaced out sometimes not knowing how I got from one room to another. People talk to me and I hear them but I don't if that makes sense. My mind is on tomorrow and when I see my son again and after the services I know I will never touch him or feel his little face again. I miss hearing the sounds he made and the funny faces he would make. I miss when he would scoot himself all over especially to look out the back door and just be by me while I worked on ebay. I feel so guilty inside not spending more time with him it tears me apart. I knew if I didn't do eBay we would go under here so I had to but yet I ache for him and I ask his forgiveness every night for being such a bad mommy and not holding him more and having to work so much. I was in the tub today and just cried so hard and begged him to forgive me; I went over so many what if I would have done this or that. I hope he forgives us for not being able to save him and not being able to give him more time than we did. I have these feelings so deep that hurt so bad it's like a knife getting turned in your heart when you walk around the corner and look and he's no longer there, no longer watching his wiggles. To imagine think about your child and what they love to do best and then all of a sudden they are taken from you and you never get to see them do what ever they loved the most anymore. Danny loved the Wiggles and whenever I hear them I just faint with pain. Haley was playing the wiggles guitar down here and my mind just raced seeing Danny smile and slap the carpet in excitement and laugh so hard at Jeff when they would yell "wake up Jeff" he would go crazy. He would laugh so hard when daddy jumped out at him from around the corner, he would laugh so hard when Haley would act the fool for him. He just loved his sister she was his everything and I can’t imagine the loss my little girl really feels. She would come every day and look for him and she still does. She calls for him out of routine the same way I still go to make his medications up. Dan goes over to kiss him goodbye only to realize this morning he's not there and he cries so had for our little boy. I miss the little sounds at night he would make in his bedroom and they way he snored so loud, I can still hear it at night but I think it's because I'm so tired. The thing I miss the most is how he ran his fingers through mommy's hair and would smile and then laugh. I miss that so much oh my Dear God in heaven I miss that. H e was such a snuggle bunny and just wanted to be loved all the time and held. He was and is a good baby boy and perfect son, a son who taught me so much and a son who brought us together with so many friends here. How could I ever thank my own son for that? We will always keep the me page going and keep you updated about us and Haley and keep pictures going with Haley. Tomorrow we will take lots of pictures and video. We know most people can't be here but he's in your hearts too and will live on in each of us and we thank him for all the lives he has touched. Our journal here was well worth keeping up and we love you all. Pray for us all tomorrow as it will be a rough day that I am not looking forward to. Love you all my good friends and family love you so so much. 
NOVEMBER 9TH, 2004--As we sit here waiting for Thursday to arrive we grow restless and nervous thinking about how we will never see Danny again after they close the casket. I don't want it to get here but then again I want to see Danny again. My heart aches for him, my body is weak and my mind races with thoughts of him and memories of things he did. I wanted to assure everyone that Haley is doing fine, she is laughing and playing with visitors and friends. She does ask abut Danny quite a bit and today sat here drawing him pictures to put inside his casket for him to take with him. But in all she is a strong little girl and taking things very well. Sonja has been here with me for days now helping with everything which leaves me to think more about the days to come and not have to worry about arrangements or anything else. We thank her so much for being here with us through this all. We are blessed to have such a beautiful caring friend. She has been on the computer day and night answering emails. We want to thank all of you who sent donations to help with the funeral expenses. This was one huge worry we had on top of everything else so thank you all for making this so much easier. I know we have heard the comments of how Danny has touched so many lives but all of you have forever changed our lives here for the better, the family and friends we have made here for life we are so grateful for. All of you are what helped our family keep going through thick and thin, through hard times and good times. I am sure Danny is looking down at each one of you who have been there with us through this all. May God bless each and every one of you and watch over you all and may you have the peace that excels all thought, we love you all. Thank you all for making me a better mom to Danny, Haley, David and Randy. My heartfelt gratitude to all the families that supported us. On Friday at 10:30 A.M. we will be releaseing Wiggles balloons into the sky for Danny to play with we ask all those that can to take a Wiggles balloon and release it in memory of our beautiful son Danny Jr. and be a part of this with us. If you can take pictures while doing this please send them to us for his hope chest. Thank you all.
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UPDATE---UPDATE-- November 8, 2004--BY BARBARA BALOW, I want to first begin by telling everyone thank you for being here for us, for the beautiful emails and prayers. I want to share with you the last few days of Danny’s life.
Thursday the 4th Danny became very ill and it a lot of pain. We knew we had to call Hospice, they got here Friday and to make a long story shorthe was that day started on Morphine for the pain at 6p.m. Our son at first was wired from the medication and alert and then relaxed so here we thought this was good no pain and he will be o.k. I really thought he would be ok and come out of this like he has any other time. They told me his organs had shut down that day and to stop feeding him. I looked at those people in disbelief and told them there was no way I could stop feeding him. I cute the feeds down but continued as my conscious would not let me stare my child my beautiful son. That night he was to me ok but looked really sick. He woke up Saturday and that look he had on his face was one I will never forget. It was a look of giving up, tired and wanting to just rest. So we started out with the trach hole crusted over maybe 5 times and made me sick. His mouth was so dry it looked like webs inside. Sonya and I tried to give him ice but he choked on the water so we had to back off. We used some lip balm that a sweet lady off of eBay sent us then. As the night drew close his breathing lessoned. Sunday was the hectic with his mouth so dry his tongue stuck to the inside of his mouth. We bathed him while Sonya kept Haley upstairs. The fever had begun. By 7pm the fever was getting higher and by 9 or so not remembering exact times here as I am so messed up right now and fuzzy but the fever reached 105. Dan told us to get wet towels and lay him on them and start wiping him down. We called Hospice and they said to give him Tylenol.At around 10:30 a little miracle happened keep in mind since early that day Danny went limp his head to his feet. At this time he began to move his arms and reach for Daddy for play time which he did for about 10 minutes and we video taped it. Took several pictures and enjoyed each moment and then nothing he was limp again and asleep. I was tired from being up for 2 days I needed to go to bed so I fed Danny gave him his medications and Dan’s best friend slept next to Danny on the floor to watch him as at this time the trach hole was bleeding and he had to wipe it every few minutes. My older son Randy arrived at 2am and said for some reason he just had to come up early as he usually makes a visit the next day. So he helped Joe that night. Joe fell asleep as Randy watched over for about 3 hours then Joe woke at 5:45 he said as he looked over at Danny he put his hand on his chest and as he did he felt Danny’s heart stop and then he stopped breathing. He shook Danny several times with no success. He sent Randy to get me and I jumped out of bed as I just knew what had happened. I ran downstairs and to Danny and as I got to him I saw his leg move and he took a breath, I said no he’s ok he’s ok and I picked him up and cradled him and sang to him but as I was singing I noticed he was not breathing and his color began to change. I had Randy run to get Dan who raced to me and the baby. We both sat there and cried louder and harder than you can ever imagine. I wanted to get on here so you can be here with us for everything; you all have been here for years following his progress and now this. As I held Danny we waited for Hospice to get there. They arrived at 7:00 A.M. and pronounced Danny dead at 7:01 even though we know he died at 6:05. We waited for the funeral home to arrive and this is what I want you all to READ IF YOU READ NOTHING ELSE HERE: I was so upset so mad and so yearning for my son I looked at him in a deep cry and told him I wished I could just see him one more time play with his toys or scoot himself across the floor, as I said this there was a toy on top of his toy chest and remember this toy is touch activated and had been shut off. The toy began to play music and all our jaws hit the floor. The hospice nurse came around and asked if that toy had just went off and as we began to say yes the toy went off for a second time. We all froze, I asked Sonja if she heard it and she said yes, there was nothing to make that toy go off. I knew at that point that Danny’s spirit was still there and at that very moment he touched the toy not once because he knows mommy is a skeptic with that stuff but twice to make sure I knew it was him and that he was ok. I now am a firm believer in whatever is out there after this life. You would have never heard that from me before but after what I saw this morning I will never forget it and that toy will be with us forever. We waited another before hospice got through to release forms and this was not acceptable as Danny had turned cold on me and I wrapped him in a blanket and then the stiffness set it. I was mortified, this left the biggest scar on me that I can’t even begin to tell you about, His body was so stiff I couldn’t even move his arm. His body was stiff all over the colors were changing throughout his body and he was white as a sheet. I held him close and kissed his cheeks and whispered softly to him that I loved him and told him he was so love by so many people and that we will all miss him. Haley came in the room at this time and the look on her face will forever be etched in my memory as we thought we had prepared her well, nothing could prepare any of us for this. She had tears well up and said mommy is Danny dead and I said yes baby he is asleep and has gone to heaven, she had the look like bring him back now. I asked her if she wanted to come down there and touch him and she said no and ran behind Randy and wanted to go upstairs which he took her. We decided to send her to school to deal with the day and as she left she ran in there looked at me and had a look of disbelief and ran by Danny Jr rubbed her fingers through his hair and then ran off.
---The feeling we had we can’t even describe in words. Our loss has taken a
toll on us and when they took Danny out of my arms I cried so hard and watched him go with tears filling my eyes and dropping to the floor in buckets. When they took him they took half my heart with them. My pain right now is so intense. I am confused angry and tired. I lost my my beautiful son today, he has earned his wings but I sure didn’t want him to go. He is no longer in pain but my heart will forever be in pain. There is no way I can ever get over this, no way to ever be the same, you are changed forever. My heart may heal over time but the pain will be there, the longing to hold my son will be here, I fear right now the days ahead as I count down to Thursday to the visitation when they close that casket and I know I will never touch him again or see his face again not now anyway. I have pain fear and so many hurt emotions. This is how I feel please put yourself where I am at this very moment when reading these lines. I sit here and cry as I type this so hard tears fill my keyboard I WANT MY BABY BACK I WANT MY SON I WANT HIM HERE WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yes I know I will see him again soon and yes I know he’s not in pain and yes I know he with God and a beautiful little angel and running and playing and it may be selfish of me but I have always told you my true feeling and I want my son I want him here to watch him scoot, to watch the Wiggles, to watch him smile. To sit by the back door and watch it rain, I want to see him light up when I run around the corner and he laughs so hard, I MISS THAT GOD FORGIVE ME FOR BEING SELFISH but I miss him oh my God I miss him, I love him so much and my arms ache to hold him close. My heart aches so badly oh so badly I hurt inside. My body aches I am sick at my stomach I can’t believe he’s gone. This is how I feel right now.I am so sick.
---I want to thank everyone that has sent emails we have over 600 in the
inbox and I will get to them after this week. We want to thank everyone for
all the beautiful post and all the help you are sending. The florist called
today and said they have a lot of flowers coming for Danny and we were so
happy you all are so kind we love you all. We have a lot of emails again
asking where to send donations, please note anything sent right now will go
towards Danny Jr’s funeral expenses and burial site.
---Please send all donations through our paypal account barbanddan2000@charter.net and put donation in the upper subject box please so we can retrieve these right away to help with expenses. Or send to
Barb or Dan Balow
604 Bluebird Troy
Illinois 62294,
all toys to put on Danny’s grave site can be sent to this address as well, please sign the caringbridge site as we will keep that forever and I go in it in the evening to read all the post. If you would like the link email Sonja Woods at mom2joel@yahoo.com . Please note we have a lot of flowers right now so donations are much appreciated right now for the funeral expenses. This is for all those who wanted me to take pictures until the end and we did, we have pictures of me holding Danny Jr right at the end, email if you would like to see them but please remember in these pictures Danny has already passed away so please don’t email for them if you can’t handle seeing these,they were taken upon request for many ebay friends and we will also take pictures at the visitation and funeral for all those who stayed close but can’t be there. I must go to bed now and try to rest as my body is very weak, love you all so so much.
FUNERAL & VISITATION INFORMATION
Friends can visit the Balow family at Laughlin Funeral Home after 4:00 pm on Thursday, November 11. The Graveside Service will be at 10:00 am, Friday, November 12, at Friedens Cemetery, Troy, Illinois. Everyone is invited to join the family at Bethel Baptist Church immediately following the Graveside Service for a Memorial Luncheon. Memorials can be sent to the Balow family. Their home address and their paypal address are both shown below.
Ebay and out of town friends, please email Judy Pilewski (jpilewski@aol.com) or Sonja Woods (mom2joel@yahoo.com) for directions, help with accomodations and additional information.
The family wants to thank everyone for their prayers, kind thoughts and guestbook entries. These will be cherished always.
From Barb's me page
---UPDATE From Sonja Woods--- November 8, 2004-- AT 6AM TODAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2004, DANIEL STUART BALOW BECAME AN ANGEL. WE ARE PRAISING GOD THAT HE PEACEFULLY WENT INTO OUR FATHER'S PRESENCE. THE FAMILY REQUESTS THAT YOU PLEASE HOLD ALL CALLS UNTIL AFTER 5 THIS EVENING. WE WILL UPDATE THIS PAGE AS SOON AS WE HAVE INFORMATION REGARDING THE VISITATION & FUNERAL. PLEASE PRAY FOR DISCERNMENT FOR DECISIONS THE FAMILY MUST MAKE. ALSO PRAY FOR PEACE, STRENGTH AND COMFORT FOR THE BALOW FAMILY. THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH.
---UPDATE--- November 8, 2004 ---GIFT INFORMATION OR DONATION INFORMATION---If you wish to send flowers or items for the funeral they can be sent to Laughlin Funeral Home 205 Edwardsville Rd. Troy Illinois 62294, 618 667-9123 and other donations to help with funeral expenses can be sent to the Balow paypal account barbanddan2000@charter.net or please send to Barb and Dan Balow 604 Bluebird Troy Illinois 62294. Visitation and funeral arrangements will be posted soon. Any visitors scheduled for this week please note to hold all visits. Everyone is welcome to come to the visitation and funeral. We welcome anything you want to put at the gravesite and everything will be taken and placed there for Danny Jr.
Monday, November 8, 2004 10:05 AM CST
From Barb's me page
---UPDATE From Sonja Woods--- November 8, 2004-- AT 6AM TODAY, NOVEMBER 8, 2004, DANIEL STUART BALOW BECAME AN ANGEL. WE ARE PRAISING GOD THAT HE PEACEFULLY WENT INTO OUR FATHER'S PRESENCE. THE FAMILY REQUESTS THAT YOU PLEASE HOLD ALL CALLS UNTIL AFTER 5 THIS EVENING. WE WILL UPDATE THIS PAGE AS SOON AS WE HAVE INFORMATION REGARDING THE VISITATION & FUNERAL. PLEASE PRAY FOR DISCERNMENT FOR DECISIONS THE FAMILY MUST MAKE. ALSO PRAY FOR PEACE, STRENGTH AND COMFORT FOR THE BALOW FAMILY. THANK YOU ALL FOR CARING SO MUCH.
---UPDATE--- November 8, 2004 ---GIFT INFORMATION OR DONATION INFORMATION---If you wish to send flowers or items for the funeral they can be sent to Laughlin Funeral Home 205 Edwardsville Rd. Troy Illinois 62294, 618 667-9123 and other donations to help with funeral expenses can be sent to the Balow paypal account barbanddan2000@charter.net or please send to Barb and Dan Balow 604 Bluebird Troy Illinois 62294. Visitation and funeral arrangements will be posted soon. Any visitors scheduled for this week please note to hold all visits. Everyone is welcome to come to the visitation and funeral. We welcome anything you want to put at the gravesite and everything will be taken and placed there for Danny Jr.
Sunday, November 7, 2004 11:43 AM CST
NIGHT UPDATE BY SONJA WOODS-- Hi everybody - I can't believe I'm typing on the same page I check many times each day. Like all of you, I care deeply for the Balow family. When I saw Danny a couple of weeks ago he was obviously very ill, but he was still moving around the floor and playing with blocks & such. Today when I got here he was white as a sheet and laying listlessly in his Mommy's arms. His lips are blue and his fingernails are purple. He has gotten worse throughout the day. Danny started getting warm quickly and his fever got up to 105. Danny was completely limp at this time and could no longer control his head or arms. Hospice said Barb & Dan could give him Tylenol to get the fever down and we also wrapped him in cold towels. You are probably wondering, why didn't we do that in the first place? Well, I'm starting to understand more and more, there are so many circumstances we (outside the Balow family) have no clue about. For example, Danny is severely dehydrated right now because that's what the hospice people & doctors have encouraged. They believe it's better on a terminally ill patient to not be hydrated (lots of medical jargon behind this, Barb let me read it, but I still don't quite understand). Since he's dehydrated, they can't let water come in contact with his skin. Hospice told them it would cause his tissue/skin to swell terribly if it got wet. Sooo, your normal response is to put a cool washcloth on his skin, but that was against the "rules". They were also not previously allowed to give him Tylenol (another normal response). After Dan contacted hospice they told him Danny could have some water and could have Tylenol. That brought the fever down immediately, but it is still elevated. Once his fever came down, he came back around and was trying to move his head and arms. He even was playing with Dan for a few moments. Barb ran for the video camera and they were able to capture it on film. I'm sure they will treasure that for years to come. He's watching the Wiggles right now, but his eyes keep rolling back in his head and you have to wipe the blood from his Trach hole every minute or two. I counted his breaths per minute and they were 5 breathes one minutes and 6 breathes the other minute. His heart is racing and probably beating at least twice a second. Because of the dehydration, his lips and mouth are completely dried out. This looks so uncomfortable and we have tried to moisten them, but he chokes & gags on any liquid in his mouth. So that's what we're dealing with tonight. I will spend the night here and try to sit with Danny Jr. so hopefully Barb & Dan can get some rest. (Thanks Mom for watching the kids for me - you're the best!) Haley really is doing great. She's such a little trooper, just like her brother. She and I played hide & seek, watched videos and put a puzzle together. She's incredibly upbeat even when the rest of us are crying and carrying on. The Balow family covets your prayers and so appreciates the kind words in Danny's Caringbridge guestbook. Thank you for supporting this precious family.
UPDATE-We want everyone to know Danny has taken a turn for the worse, he no longer can tolerate feedings and believe me we have tried everything but they said his organs some were shut down and others failing rapidly and they think this is the cause of the puffiness and the feeds not going in they sit in his stomach and rot. He is very pale right now, breathing rapidly and comfortable under the morphine. The look this morning as best we can describe it is the look of death coming very soon. I personally don't think he will make it through tonight. With him not tolerating feeds Hospice said it would be 2-3 days. We will update more as have been crying all day with very little sleep and both of us throwing up here all day. Haley is fine though please don't worry about her. We have Sonya Woods a wonderful ebay friend coming this afternoon from St. Louis to help me out here. Dan has to take his sister to the bus station as she leaves today so Sonya with stay with me as it's very touch and go right now. I took several pics for everyone to see him and I will download them and send them to Cathy for the caring to post on the caringbridge site those who can't stomach these last pics please don't look as he is very very sick. love you all pray for us all we need it now more than we ever did because as we got closer to this day it has gotten so much harder to think clearly.
Barb is asleep now, and I have a chance to give an update. Danny is gasping for air, and pulling air through the small opening in his neck and his mouth. His nose is clogged up with discharge that is impossible to keep up with. We are playing with borrowed time at this point, and I know it. I will be honest…I have been crying all day, as Barb has been taking care of EBay, and yet taking time out to spend time with Danny Jr. I have never been such an emotional bath. I watch him struggle for air, and I am panicking…picking him up in the air letting his legs fall to the ground, and giving his lungs maximum capacity, Even with my efforts…he is gasping. I have never felt my heart as vulnerable and hurting as this. I am helpless. Daddy has always had the answers. When he has struggled, I have gotten the answers…hell or high water. But now, I am faced with the fact that I am the spectator…the village idiot…awaiting the inevitable. I am panicking in my heart…in my emotions….a feeling I as a military man am uncomfortable with. I have been trained with composure and at minimum the art of the skill of the ability to be able to reason out the problem. I am a professional right? Perhaps in the art of war…but with this…I am like anybody else…scared. Damn scared. Hell, I'm Terrified. I sit on the couch tonight, and watch him grab at my face out of angst, because he cannot breathe…and daddy can do nothing. I watch him strive to gain oxygen, when I lay him in his bed…and I can do nothing. I find myself sitting in the garage…on the boxes of his formula that I have yet to put away…and letting it all hang loose. I can’t catch up…and neither will he…I am lucky to get him to sleep. I ask myself how I will be able to accept his death…his burial...now when I’m 35…when I’m 70. Will my angst and pain become less…or will I remember the last night I comforted him…like tonight…with morphine and rocking? I feel so empty…like I’m doing the bare minimum. I cannot let him out of my sight or sleep. I do love my son so…he is my everything………Dan Sr, 
I did add new pictures from today on the angelfire site, last page..I also updated the pictures here in the photo album with some of the new ones from today..
(posted by Cathy)
Saturday, November 6, 2004 10:55 AM CST
To see NEW pictures taken 11-5-204..Click on the NEW PICTURE PAGE link above...Then go to page 3, they are at the bottom of page..
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Danny slept pretty good last night and woke up this morning at 6am so the morphine at least helped him rest some and I got a little sleep for a change. We thought having hospice they would send in nurses to help through the day with Danny but they said that's not what they do they are here for support only and stop in every other day just to check his progress. So it's still just me alone here. But at least they will manage his pain control. He is very different today hard to explain but different. WE just found out his organs are shutting down and some have already stopped so he is not at this time digesting his food it's just sitting there, I don't want to get into what this entails but this was my biggest heart breaker. I had a rough day yesterday and broke down, this hit me hard and quick as I did not know his organs had shut down too. So the food I give him is only making him have pain and that's why he cries when I feed him. We have been hit with a lt of new and very depressing news from this agency but they seem to know exactly what is taking place and spot on with everything. So right now we are giving him the morphine and drops to dry up the mucus and he seems to relax but in a daze a lot. He has had 2 full blown body seizures and a lot of silent seizures. They said the medication is going through his system too fast and the body can't handle them right because of his organs some shut down and a few working barely. From what we got through this whole conversation is that Danny is in pretty bad shape and for sure going to die here shortly. I kept asking them over and over how do you he is going to die soon and how do you know his body is shutting down so he had to go and see their doctors. They had to make sure he was home here to die soon and so then the bad news just started pouring in one thing after another, I'm not sure if I was better off not knowing all this was going on inside his body or knowing what I do now. I think I am more nervous and on edge now and more shaken and depressed. Every breath now I run to him. He seems to have slowed down on his breathing and more relaxed and comfortable. I will update more later.
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, November 5, 2004 10:32 AM CST
To see NEW pictures taken today..Click on the NEW PICTURE PAGE link above...Then go to page 3, they are at the bottom of page..
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Danny is not doing well at all, we are having a lot of restless nights and his breathing has gotten much worse, its 4am here and I am still up with him. The nurses came by from the base today who are also Colonels and who were so sweet. Right when they walked in Danny stopped breathing on me turned blue and passed out and then came to and started to cry uncontrollably. Dan all 3 nurses came down to help, one of them helped me hold the feeding tube because I had to hold him and calm him down. We finally got a little food in him with medications but it took a long time. I am so thankful they showed up when they did. This is all getting to be too much on us so the base has stepped in and are arranging to try and get some nursing help in here from Hospice. We will find out more later today. We aren’t getting much sleep at all and can’t keep going at this pace. We are staying sick all the time too. Our bodies have just worn down. Danny is very sick and not getting better. I also didn’t know this but the pictures I took of Danny when he has his mouth to the side I thought were funny faces and just found out from the nurses he is having seizures and pressure in his head therefore causes the faces which made my stomach turn because he does it all the time now. So it makes me worry even more. We have been on edge for days now sleeping in his room or staying awake with him downstairs. We have a lot of eBay friends coming to visit this month 7 families so far so I don’t think we can schedule anymore for this month and we are still getting emails to visit but we are booked, it’s nice though and we are looking forward to meeting them all. So if a visit is in mind please wait until we can schedule a time in here. So far we have Nov 5th-7th, 9-11th, 13th, 17th-20th, 21st, 26th, 27th and maybe 1 on the 30th. I have fallen pretty far behind on my auctions so please be patient with me; I will work on these tonight and tomorrow. I need to list badly but don’t have the time, we have a few friends that emailed that have auctions going right now fro Danny to help us out, here are their user name please look at them as well as our auctions and help where you can here are their user names djt72 and collectibleheaven and then gabriel4lauri and we had one that began with Joel in the email and it’s Dan’s good friend so if you read this send me your user name as I can’t find the email again I have over 500 in my inbox so make sure you put in the subject part auction for Danny real big ok I want to thank Robin, Gabriela and Adam for the groceries they had sent to our home today what a shock and huge surprise along with flowers and also my gift she sent wow, we also had a good friend Julie Merchant who did auctions for Danny Jr. and sent me a 60 minute massage certificate and pedicure woohoo now I can’t wait to use it, Dan is trying to scam me out of the massage for him ;) We have had several gifts come in for the kids and we thank all of you and you know who your are We have had pizza sent in by Sonya London and wonderful long time dear friend and Cyndee our good friend from Canada, we will try and mention things here and there, we have received several clothing donations and we really thank you all for this. We appreciate all the auctions that were and are being put on for Danny as I just don’t have the time right now even to keep up with my auctions. Kelly left for England so it’s just me here now here for awhile until Shannon gets back. So please be patient with me I ma about 3 days behind here. But the kids have to come first and then sleep.OK back to the baby he is crying again...
Update: Friday evening
Hospice has been in and seen Danny and floored at what they saw, they are starting him this evening on Morphine and we should see what it does to him by late this evening will update then. I have to get some sleep I have been up for 2 days straight. Hospice just left and gave Danny the dose he is relaxed but comfortable and awake. The 10 pounds he gained in the last month they said is from water retention and the body itself shutting down. He is very congested and they gave him drops to dry the airway. They are cutting back on his feedings as it's all just sitting in his stomach that's where we got the black stuff in the tubes and he has bowel in there too. The way the conversation went Danny won't last too much longer so please note all those plan on visiting soon watch the page here as we will update as soon as it happens so you know to wait and give us time here to plan. love you all very depressing day here.
(posted by Cathy)
Tuesday, November 2, 2004 10:13 PM CST
Barb's in bed...wiped out. I have been up in Danny’s bedroom watching him strive for breath. He is white as a sheet…cheeks flushed, and thrashing. He’s calm now… and the medications are kicking in. He’s becoming accustomed to the dosages of medications and reactions to them becoming delayed. I have lied out my sleeping bag in his room and will again sleep next to him. What I am seeing is him gasping for his next breath, gagging, and expectorating the residual out of his mouth and to a small part the small hole left in his neck. He’s struggling like hell. I can’t stop crying, and am wiping my nose and eyes as often as his. This is over the top. As time progresses, I’m becoming an emotional bath. For both Barb and I. I pray…nightly…that god helps him slip out in peace. Both of us watch him struggle, and realize that this isn’t worth the time we are spending with him. He is trying so hard….so hard…yet making so little progress. I will be going to work late tomorrow…hell, I can’t take my eyes off of him. My hopes and dreams in him are hanging in each of his breaths. I can’t let go…yet am seeing the handwriting on the wall. This is so out of our hands…we as parent’s are spectators that have no say as to his outcome. Barb will have a day tomorrow if he keeps this up….I can only hope this evens out as in the past…as I am not ready to deal with this but must if it becomes a reality. I can only ask for your prayer as a daddy.---Dan Sr, 
Little Miss Haley
(posted by Cathy)
Monday, November 1, 2004 2:38 PM CST
Danny Jr woke up today in a good mood a little tired and not moving around much but no crying at least. He is happy watching the T.V. today so I will do a lot of listing today and get to orders tonight. I wanted to update and let everyone know before seeing the pictures on the new auctions that we took some of Danny this morning as we were pulling the black stuff up out of the g-tube so everyone can see what we are talking about and this is not to gross you out but we told you we would show you everything and now you can see what we are talking about. Haley wanted to show off a new top she received from a wonderful ebay friend too she calls it her princess top. All is quiet on the western front so now I will list away ;)
(posted by Cathy)
Monday, November 1, 2004 0:07 AM CST
Haley got to go out for Halloween for about an hour. It was rainy here and she
is still coughing a lot so she wasn't up to a lot of walking. She got a little candy and enough for her. She helped me give candy out to all the kids that came by, it was so cute because we bought a tube of glowsticks to give one each to the kids with their candy and we were the hit of the neighborhood. Kids were sending other kids by and coming twice it was so adorable. As they all left tonight and I sat here I just cried thinking how much little Danny missed out on. I wish I could see Haley going out to doors and her face I missed that too.But most of all I wish they could have went together. the kids scared Danny Jr so I had to put him to bed and thank goodness he fell asleep quick. Nights like this is when things get to me and I miss all the normal things in life, taking the kids out and watching their faces light up. Little things mean a lot. Haley was so excited right before she went out and couldn't stop pacing the floor. Danny was on a blanket at the end of the stairs in the hall playing so I could give candy out. So many cute adorable kids came by and all loved seeing Danny Jr down there and said hi to him. It scared him though and he cried a lot. He was in a pain a lot today and Haley lounged around a lot and slept a lot. We all have that cough still that won't go away. Dan and I were talking tonight about how tired we are of being sick all the time and run down. All this takes a lot to deal with day after day and watching your child be so sick. You sit around hoping he makes it to the next day and each day I am here I always hope it doesn't happen when I am alone with him. Danny's right leg has went stiff and we are working with him there but something is not right. His facial features look different he is bloated and within 1 month has gained 10pounds so we aren't sure why or where the water retention is, the doctor thinks he may be retaining because of the pain medications. He has very dark circles under his eyes again and veins popping out more profoundly. His hands and feet stay cold, his fever spikes here and there and he is trying to throw up all the time. He can't because he had stomach surgery that doesn't allow him to throw up but man he sure is trying to. I know he is tough but to watch him gag and cough like this every day is beyond what I can explain in words and how we really feel. Inside we torn up, sick, confused, angry, bitter and yet we go on to deal with another day. We never say it can't get worse it always does. A wonderful eBay friend Cyndee surprised us Friday with a pizza party for the family because Haley missed her fun day at school and you will see some of those pictures on the auctions. What wonderful eBay friends we have and how thankful and blessed we are, you are all what keeps us going. And for those that still doubt why don't you come on down here and take a night shift and watch Danny while we sleep. I bet you go running home with your tail between your legs as to what you will see. So don't judge us and doubt us come on down and baby-sit a day ;) We welcome it but when he chokes and pukes and cries and gags and runs the fever and you have to change diapers 20 times a day and that's besides medication and feeding times well good luck your on your own so come on down. ;) I love the emails with oh this cant be true and oh they lie and oh they are made up, man you want to pull these people through the screen and shake them. God have mercy on all their souls because they will need it. God helps those who help themselves and we are trying to help our family through our auctions. We are trying to list to help Danny and Haley. I do my best to work here with the girls helping me so we can make it just like any other family out there except we have a lot more to deal with and any family out there with a sick family member knows exactly what we are talking about. I feel I am doing what I can as a mom and taking care full time of a sick child who will die soon the best I can and know how. Ok I won't rattle on anymore and try to get the me page updated with this too, I have to go list some more as the girls won't be back until Wednesday so it will be me mass listing the next few days and all orders will go out Wednesday so hang in there with me until I get to emails,
love you all.
Thanks,
Barb (Newmommy37)
(posted by Cathy)
Saturday, October 30, 2004 8:37 PM CDT
Sorry I haven't gotten on here we were so busy with Haley being really sick and throwing up and Danny Jr is not well, he is laying around a lot and today I pulled out 5 full syringes of old blood from out of the g-tube so it's getting worse. He's very bloated and retaining water for some reason. Haley is feeling better tonight and Danny still hasn't gone to sleep yet he's watching the wiggles right now. I only got about 3 hours sleep last night so I'm really worn out. Dan has the sore throat now and lost his voice so he's down for the count. We seem to be passing it around here. Danny is having more seizures more often and if I'm not holding him I'm trying to keep Haley busy so I haven't even been able to answer the phone here. I will update a little more in detail tomorrow.
I will put this on the me page too so people don't worry ;)
Thanks,
Barb (Newmommy37)
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, October 29, 2004 5:21 PM CDT
(taken from Barb's ME page)
Yesterday was not a good day for Danny he tossed and turned and cried as lot. Very uncomfortable. He has a lot more congestion. Breathing stops for longer periods now. He is very tired but refuseds to sleep very much, he didn't go to bed until midnight last night and woke AT 6A.M. He's very quiet today. We stayed up and made Haley her scarecrow for school and cupcakes and the works for her Halloween party but at 8P.M. she began getting sick and has been up all night throwing up and now she is crying this morning because she had to miss school and her fall festival today. She has been looking forward to this all week but she has fever this morning and still trowing up. So this was a big let down for her. When it rains it pours here and never stops. I have a feeling this will be a long day today. I am already tired from no sleep last night, keep us all in your prayers.....
(posted by Cathy)
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 11:48 PM CDT
11:55 pm
I got this off of Barb's ME page...It really broke my heart..The pain these people are having to go through..So many sick children these days...*sigh*
OCTOBER 27TH, 2004-- Danny did great all day and played a lot today, he watched a new wiggles tape that was sent to him and he laughed and got tired and rested then played some more. It was so nice not to hear him cry for a change. I thought wow this is great and maybe on the upswing here until 8pm when he started loudly gasping for air: hard to explain this was different, it was like a hiccup but that was his air in and out very labored and the crying began. So we rocked him for about 2 hours with no success finally we had to give him some pain medication, he still cried but settled down enough to lay him down. The congestion got worse tonight and I had high hopes we were getting over that. It seems everything hits at once around here. Too many things going on and my mind is racing and my body worn down. I still can't get rid of this nasty cough. Some days just seem like they run right into the next with no let up. I took Haley up to bed sat there with her and just prayed. She was so innocent and asked for Danny to not be in pain anymore and for God to give him his wings. I almost lost it. But we prayed long and talked to God and asked for just one day of peace and some happy family time together. She kissed me and said mommy I love the way your face looks. I'm not sure what she meant but her little angel face just glowed with innocence and purity of heart. She has a way of making you feel wonderful when you’re at your lowest. She is a beautiful little girl inside and out. We are so blessed to have her and Danny Jr. I looked at Danny Jr tonight and I am so sorry to offend anyone reading this but the pain in his eyes, the faces he made and the looks he gave us man I wanted God to just take him and let him be free from all this. That poor little boy has suffered more than anyone reading this can imagine, we as his parents have been here day and night with him, we have been through more than you could imagine, and Danny Jr. the countless surgeries, staying up all night not being able to sleep, bleeding inside, seizures coming again here and there and more often the past few days. Having a good day only to crash at night. Fever up and down. Cold feet and hands. Having loose bowels for 3 days straight. Can you imagine this and seeing your child in so much pain? You see Danny in the pictures on the auctions imagine holding that little angel in your arms each night with him crying and looking at you for comfort and you have nothing left to give, you have done everything, we feel helpless. I can hardly stand the thoughts of watching him day by day and knowing soon he will be gone. My heart just aches for him and after nights like this I sit and cry my keyboard is soaked because my heart aches for my son I don't want him to die and if there was anything we could do believe me we would do it we have gone so much to keep him here and we know we had to put it in God's hands that's the only solution right now. God has to decide when to take him not us not me not you not any human. I often ask God why do you make him suffer why won't you so something, I say look at him he's in so much pain and like tonight his eyes were so red so wet from crying, his nose running everywhere, his trach hole shooting out all kinds of junk. Constantly wiping him. His legs with tremors from the seizures as he gets upset and they set in. Can you imagine holding your child and seeing all this and not just seeing but knowing there is nothing nothing I say you can do to save him. No surgeries no medications no nothing can save Danny Jr, he will die and man that breaks my heart in two. I ache so bad and I long to hold him each day he wakes up and yet fear each night when I put him to bed it will be the last time I see him alive, this each day we go through, our stomachs hurt we get sick, we throw up from our nerves being rattled with worry this is what our home is like this is what we go through each day. It's a roller coaster ride of emotions and fears. So all we can do is rely on God to help us to give us that strength beyond what is human. Yes we ask God why many times and we will still but we know in our hearts this is not in our hands. God gave us all life and what we do with it is our choice, what we make of it is our choice and in times like this we have to make due and make Danny's life the best we can. I try to enjoy each day but as the night falls and I have time to talk to God and pray I let loose and lay all my burdens on him. If I didn't I would go crazy. After all the Bible tells us to lay our burdens on him and he will sustain you, well he sure has his job cut out for him here. Ok sorry to get you all down but I was just feeling so lost for a moment. Haley is doing great though and loves school. Dan broke his toe so he's going for broke here I told him 3 strikes your out. So as his arms heal he is limping around now. I think I will stay inside where it's safe :) Ok we have a few new auctions going with wonderful women listing some for Danny Jr and I can't tell you the relief and how much this all helps wow. I couldn’t even tell you how much we appreciate it in words because words aren't enough for the way you all have changed our lives here. ___collectibleheaven___ has some auctions going for Danny and has been a God send to our family. Another dear friend listed 4 auctions for Danny right now her user name is ___djt72__ and a wonderful friend user name ____sarahpooh2001__ has a few more auctions she put on. ____krikle840____ Crystal another wonderful kind friend listed a police officers cookie jar and the porcelain doll ends soon check it out. I think I got them all I went through the emails where in the subject box says auction for Danny. So check them all out. Will update later tomorrow night love you all!!
(posted by Cathy)
Wednesday, October 27, 2004 8:19 PM CDT
E-mail sent to me tonight @8 pm
Danny did really well today, he hadn't cried all day until around 7 P.M. when he got really tired and started grabbing at his head I guess it started hurting him really bad. His hands and feet are still really cold and his nose is still running, he's coughing a lot and has a lot of stuff coming out the trachea hole still. But in all he did ok today, he hasn't had the runs at all which is a big plus and his bum is healing now. I have been busy with some other things right now and catching up on naps so I will try and update in the evenings. Haley is doing great and coloring in her books and sticking her tattoos on all over her and giggling.
She played dress up for a little bit then got tired so they are watching a new wiggles tape that the Probst Family from VA sent them today. They love is and she is actually watching it as she grew out of the wiggles but I guess it's a new one she never has seen so thye are both watching it. Danny is playing with a new board book he got today from Penny Storm called In the Jungle I think he likes the sparkles on it as he keeps grabbing them trying to pull them off. The Probst Family also had a Hot Chocolate stand and sent the money today from it and it was so adorable I cried when I saw the baggie with the money it made me think of how kids are so precious and wonderful and have the most innocent purest hearts. That made my day. WE have several auctions people have posted and I will add those to the me page. Right now the girls from the base had to leave so I have to settle the kids in and finish litsing tonight, love you lots and thank you again so so much.
Thanks,
Barb (Newmommy37)
(posted by Cathy)
Tuesday, October 26, 2004 11:14 AM CDT
Sent in e-mail @ 8:30 am
Danny today woke up at 6A.M. and right away started with the pooping thing again and all over. He can't have much more in those bowels as it has been 3 days with non-stop of this. He is choking and coughing a lot today more than usual. He is very quiet and watching the wiggles right now his favorite show. We are going to do a lot of mass listings today well the girls from the base are going to list all day and they will put all the older pictures we sent you in with the new acutions too so people can see
what he looked like back then and now. Haley is doing great and was up at the crack of dawn ready for school, she is excited about Friday as they are having a festival at school for the kids for Halloween. So every day she asks me if it's Friday yet ;) Dan is healing and doing ok he has a lot of scars and some on his legs too. He has been on medication for a week that has helped with the pain. I am pretty worn down here from lack of sleep so today I am going to try and rest in between diaper changes. Danny has a
temp right now of 102 so we will keep an eye on that too, it goes up and down though. I do have to say the Allie's Angels group has to be one of the nicest most caring loving group of people I have ever met and so organized. So many have emailed us and we are thrilled to have so mnay
wonderful new friends.
(posted by Cathy)
Monday, October 25, 2004 10:39 PM CDT
This was sent to me in an e-mail tonight with LOTS
more pictures....Barb said it is ok to post this here,
as an update..Cathy ^Allie Scott's MSN Angel^
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I went in as I took a break today to read some of the posting and then saw the new scrolling pictures and the music I sat here and cried so hard, it is beautiful words cannot express what this means to me, it is so amazing what you have done, thank you for everything, I love the site and I love the pictures, the ones at the bottom got to me though with the music I fell apart and havent done that in 2 years I dont know what it is about this but I DID FALL APART or for a few minutes let go I should say and felt all the love in the pictures and remembered all the days we went through surgeries and trials and came through them all much stronger and with our faith so much stronger. Our family has bonded like no other that I can explain. We were torn apart by bad news brought back with good news only in the end to hear this will be his final days and we chose to take him home and be with him and enjoy each and every lasting breathe that he takes. His smile lights up my day, his cries make me weak, his coughs put me on the edge of
my seat and his quietness brings me to my feet. My son has brought my world together, made me a better mom, and made me see life is what you make of it, you get out of it what you put in it and we are giving Danny our all here so he can have the best life and then go to heaven with us knowing we did all we could. Knowing we had an angel and held him close and then in time will have to let go only to see him in my dreams have him in my heart and his memory forever etched in my soul.
Love, Barb
(posted by Cathy)
P.S. Will post LOTS more pictures tonight or in the morning !!
Sunday, October 24, 2004 1:25 PM CDT
Well it's 3 A.M. here and I am still up with Danny Jr. he just can't sleep tonight for some reason. It has been a rough 2 days here. We are doing the ups an downs again and fever up and down. I really don't know what to think about our son, each day he fights so hard to breathe and wants to play but is very weak. Today I had to get some auctions going as we are so far behind on the bills and I didn't have help until this evening so I opened the back door as it was beautiful here today put down a blanket and let Danny play by me and he loved it. He slept a lot through the day and I couldn't keep him awake so he's up all night here now. His little hands and feet are staying very cold and have a purple look to them. But he played with his toys and sat up for a bit here and there. I keep wondering how much our lives have changed over the past few months from watching him grow and thinking he will grow up and maybe walk and talk and we had high hopes and now all this. To be told there is really nothing more they can do for him and to take him home for his final days. I look at Danny each day and think how empty my life will be without him. Not to see him there watching T.V. or making little noises. Opening and closing the entertainment center doors. Just knowing he's there and then he won't be. I can't give up and people say I am calm but for now I have to be for my own sanity. I can't think of final days or I won't make it here. I have to stay strong for Haley, Dan and myself and when that day comes I won't be strong I know I won't. But for now I cherish every day we are blessed with having him one more. I have been so busy playing with him, holding him and constant diaper changes that I have fallen so far behind on ebay and we depend it to make it here. So I have to start listing again no matter what. Please take our auctions and mail it to everyone you know, pass it along mention it in your auctions we appreciate all the help right now. We want to thank Mary Scally for sending us Danny Jr's Tuxedo, when I got it I had to put it away right away because I started crying so hard it is so sad and so final but we are grateful to have it so we can be ready with it at least. Dan went up to make funeral arrangements and get all the cost we are looking at he is much stronger in that area than I am as I can't even go there. Each day that goes by Danny Jr. seems to have aharder time breathing but he hangs on and he fights for each day. God can bless me with as many days as he wants with Danny I will take them all. He means the world to me. Dan Sr is getting better he took off the bandages and it looks like a war zone on his arms but they are healing. He took Haley out bowling today and to a movie for the first time and she was so happy. She had a rough weekend with Danny Jr gagging so much and he has blood coming out the trachea hole and g-tube I think it scared her so daddy got her out today and she came back a new kid. I am going to try and get to emails tomorrow after we finish packing all the auctions for shipment Monday. But right now we have over 500 in the inbox so if your putting an auction on for Danny and want it on the me page here write it in the top of the email in caps so we can see those first. I still haven't been able to get to the phone to answer calls as Danny jr is having constant diaper changes. But I will try harder to get to them all too. I am going to try and sing Danny to sleep and get to bed as Haley wakes at 7am here, thank you all for everything and all the help and clothing donations sent too we will list all those starting Monday. Please go now and look through the auctions and bid away :) Pass them around email it to friends: all the help is much appreciated as this is the only way I can help my family is to sell on ebay and offer you something you can use. Love you all and God Bless you ALL!!
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(NOTE Posted later, and also sent to me in e-mail)
Another auction for Danny for you to check out is by user name krikle840 her name is Crystal another long time ebay friend of ours she has a porcelain doll that is new in the box.....limited edition. Check her auction out. Another new auction just listed is Beautiful Porcelain Doll on Swing **SPECIAL AUCTION** user name kodiearl item 5529299557 all the money will go to Danny Jr so please check her auctions out this one ends in 3 days. She will be listing some precious moments items also. ONE MORE ADDED user name is sarahpooh2001 and the auction is 6717326036 for a Ralph Lauren Down Jacket * Medium * w/hood * Like new * size med girls 8/10 check it out please. Her name is Maud another great ebay friend. :
I always said if Danny could touch one life with his story and he did it was well worth it to me to keep posting it. I went on with the journal after we began because a lady emailed me and said she was about to have an abortion and for some reason ran into our auctions and read the ME page and as she sat there and thought she cried so hard because here she had a healthy child inside her and was about to throw that all away and she looked at Danny's pictures and it changed her whole life so she had the baby and today she still emails me, he is a healthy little boy and she just got married in May the day after Danny had his trach out. So Danny's story changed one life and saved a Childs life so this journal of ours it well worth its weight in gold. Today a little boy will be able to run jump skip hop and cry and scream something we hoped for Danny but at least this boy has a chance now. Now do you think miracles happen was this by chance, I think not God has his hand in this and to this day Danny being here one more day is a blessing and God has his reasons and they will be known. For he is the giver of life and this lady we talked about now has a little boy and God gave him life.
(posted by Cathy)
Friday, October 22, 2004 2:07 PM CDT
We have had a rough morning here Danny won't stop using the bathroom so I am changing diapers every 10 minutes. Sometimes it's just a little bit and other times a lot. He is weak and just laying here with his lips all chapped and no matter how much chap stick or vaseline you put on them they stay cracked looking and sore. He is so dehydrated and we can't get the water in him fast enough, I am going to take pictures so everyone can see what he really looks like right now, his skin is a blue grey color and his
nose running and old blood coming up the g-tube and out the trachea hole. I almost threw up it smelled so bad. We have been up all night with him it's like he can't close his eyes for some reason and so tired. Will update more
gotta go jet and change him love ya lots...
oh you know all of you are so wonderful and Cathy the page is beautiful i cry whenever I look through it and read the guestbook the people that signed it are all so wonderful and so sweet they made me cry but a happy cry to have so many wonderful friends who love us and adore Danny jr. the ME page was well worth keeping up to gain so many good friends from all over the world. thank you Cathy
Thanks,
Barb (Newmommy37)
Thursday, October 21, 2004 1:48 PM CDT
This is from an e-mail sent to ZooKeeperSonya (MSN Allie's Angels)I asked if I could post it here, she said it was ok !
I got an email from Barb and I had asked about Danny. Here is part of what she wrote:
"Danny has been very weak and not doing much at all, lays around and cried here and there and gasp for air a lot. So I think we are seeing his body giving up now and slowly he is resting it each day. Its not good to see him like this and it kills me inside, i pick him up and cry and talk to him in his ear and at times i tell him its ok to let go and not be in pain and other times i hold it in to myself but i hold him close and cry so hard and think oh god dont let go danny i cant live without holding you each day, its so hard to be here and see all this and go though this each day, he is so precious how could this happen to him? I guess we will never know but for now we will enjoy each day we have here with him..."
Cathy
Tuesday, October 19, 2004 11:42 AM CDT
Danny is having some rough days here and uncomfortable all the time. He lays around and doesn't play much at all just has that blank look a lot. He still has the dry blood coming up the g-tube and not sleeping well so I have been up all night with him. Dan stayed up with him for a bit then had to go to bed for work today. I know a lot of you have asked about what the base has done we prefer not to comment there. They did bring meals in for 2 weeks which we are very grateful for. The families that made them took their own time and made sure we got them and were all very nice. Dan has a great friend in his shop Joe Portioz who picks Haley up from school once in awhile and takes her there too if we need him so he has been our lifeline without him Haley would have never made it to school some days. We have no other comments after that though. I will not answer emails concerning this subject so please don't be upset. Haley is doing great though and having a blast in school. Dan is doing ok just very tired from all this and I am starting to get on the upswing of this flu thing. Danny Jr though is still coughing, sneezing, and very weak and sick. We have another wonderful eby friend who put some auctions on for Danny her user name is sabineschroeder so please check her auctions out now. And one more just came in from a 9 year old girl Brooke Wallace did a canvas painting to auction for Danny and she is very talented check hers out at user name
it*always*makes*a*difference*when*jesus*passes*by
POSTED LATER:
The base just called Dan Sr. has been taken to the emergency room, from what I understand he fell into a huge barb wire fence and it is cut up pretty good. Will keep you updated please pray for him too.
UPDATE ON DAN SR.---Dan was in the warehouse at work and the breaker box was off so he couldn't see so he went to the back to tuen it on and when he did he reached for it and fell into a huge bundle of razor wire, he had it stuck in his arms and as he tried to free himself with the one arm the other got stuck so he scremed for help. They flipped the light on and saw he was bleeding pretty bad. He managed to free his one arm and then took awhile but got the other out but it ripped the skin on both arms and he has deep holes in his one hand, he has 2 purple cast on his arms and hands and I took a few pictures so we will post those with new auctions we list tomorrow. He is on heavy pain medications right now for the pain. He will have some really bad scars from this now. Can you imagine the idiot that would put razor wire in the warehouse by a breaker box of all things that they shut off each day, I'd like to meet the guy that put it there because him and I would go rounds how stupid can you be to do that wow it amazes me the brainless people out there. Now my husband will be scarred from this and maybe nerve damage what idiots and I won't say anything else on that matter as I am too mad here. Dan had to get some shots and he is home now. Danny Jr. is running fever about 103 tonight and very weak will update more tomorrow.
(posted by Cathy:taken off e-bay site)
Monday, October 18, 2004 11:20 AM CDT
I am so sorry we haven't gotten on here in a few days but I have the flu and have been very sick. I lost my voice and still haven't gotten it back yet. Since we have been sick the girls that help me haven't been here to list or do auctions so we are so far behind. I am sorry. Danny had a good Friday and played quite a bit but this weekend he has been crying a lot. I have a headache today from holding him for hours and him non-stop crying. The pain medications work so much but when it hits him the meds seem to be a drop in the bucket for him. We are contacting a pain management specialist for Danny this week to see what else we can do here. They didn't expect him to hang on this long but this child of ours is a tuff cookie. He has snot coming out of his nose, the trachea hole,coughing, sneezing, gagging every day and now blood coming up the g-tube. So each day brings something new to deal with and more but we handle it just fine. The doctors called us Friday and offered hospice care now but the nurses they have here in this area are worthless. We have had them before and we said no way, it was one of the hospice nurses last year that tried to take Haley and leave the country, long story and it should be in our journal towards the beginning but after that we said we would never have them here again. So we will do this on our own. I am going to try when Danny is napping tomorrow to get all the auctions done up that ended and maybe list some as Danny permits that is and I can see how he does. Kelly will be in tomorrow to help too so we should get caught up by tomorrow evening. I still have not been able to answer phone calls as I can't talk yet but hopefully soon it will come back, I know my husband has to be loving this :)
A wife that can't talk and nag him for days so far :) Haley is doing great she had the flu but is over it, Dan got a touch of it but I got hit the worse along with Danny Jr. I will update a little more in the morning,love you all!!!
(updated by Cathy)
Thursday, October 14, 2004 11:03 PM CDT
I am just starting this page for Barb. And will have to help her out the first few times until she gets the hang of things..Please continue to check back on any new updates..And by all means, please sign the guestbook to let them know your thinking of them..
Thanks,
Cathy (Allie's Angels)
Thursday, October 14, 2004 11:03 PM CDT
---DANNY JR'S STORY WELCOME--AND PLEASE LEND ME A PRAYER :
------ITS HARD TO BELEIVE A WHOLE YEAR HAS GONE BY ALREADY, AND OUR LITTLE MAN HAS ENDURED SO MUCH. THE SURVIVAL OF OUR FAMILY HAS ENTIRELY HINGED ON PRAYER, FAITH AND FRIENDSHIPS THAT HAVE BEEN CULMINATED BY VIEWERS LIKE YOU THAT HAVE EXTENDED SO MUCH OF YOURSELVES. THIS JOURNEY HAS BEEN PAINFUL AND TRYING, BUT CERTAINLY NOT LONELY. SO MANY OF YOU HAVE EXTENDED YOUR ARMS AND TAKEN US IN AS AN EXTENDED PART OF YOUR FAMILY AND HELPED US THROUGH THE TRYING TIMES, CRIED WITH US, AND SHARED THE MOMENTS OF JOY ALTHOUGH FEW AND FAR BETWEEN. THIS STARTED OUT AS A QUEST TO FIND CURES AND ANSWERS FOR DANNY JR'S AFFLICTIONS, BUT HAS BLOSSOMED INTO SO MUCH MORE...THE WORDS "THANK YOU" FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS CAN NEVER EXPRESS WHAT WE FEEL FOR SO MANY OF YOU. --THE BALOW FAMILY :
---IF YOU WISH TO HAVE DANNY'S FULL STORY, PLEASE E-MAIL US AND WE WILL BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO SEND IT TO YOU. THE STORY BELOW CONTINUES ON FROM A YEAR AGO. WE ARE LIMITED TO SPACE ON THIS SITE...SORRY. DANNY JR. HAS SPINA BIFIDA, RARE BLOOD DISORDER ONLY PERSON IN THE U.S.A. WITH IT, SHUNT, PORTACATHE, G-TUBE, CAN'T MOVE FROM THE WAIST DOWN, HAS HAD 21 SURGERIES TO DATE. HE IS TERMINALLY ILL. THERE IS NO CURE FOR WHAT HE HAS. ---IF YOU WISH TO SEND SNAIL MAIL CORRESPONDENCE, HERE IS DANNY JR'S ADDRESS --- :
---DANIEL BALOW JR :
---604 BLUEBIRD :
---TROY IL. 62294 :
------November 23rd,2003---Well we are doing good here, sorry about the delay in the update. We have had several days of ups and downs as usual. With little nursing care and Dan working all the time it's hard for me to get on here or even list for ebay. Danny Jr. is doing ok right now, he has learned to roll off the bed that we made him in the floor and onto his stomach and is trying to scoot himself up with the one leg he can move a little, now who says miracles can't happen. The joy of seeing him struggle to pull himself up was all I can say wow. He amazes me. His face will turn red and he gets so frustrated but fights until he turns himself over and for him that is something I thought I would never see. I went over by the computer and he already had himself off the blanket and up onto the carpet and smiling and so proud of himself. And mommy and daddy are very proud of him. He has come a long way. They are talking about fitting him for some kind of new leg braces. The braces will help him stand in one spot and give him stability in his ankles as they are weak. His right foot is turned in now all the way so we hope the new braces will straighten this out too. We are still dealing with the spells at night and nap time but hope he grows out of this. He is starting to look more like a little man every day. I went to Wal-Mart today and asked the photograpy department about getting us in this year as a family to have family Christmas pictures done with their $9.99 special hahaahaha you know it never cost $9.99 :) But the guy said he will work with us and we will bring our day nurse Sherry and all the medical equipment so we can have this Christmas a family picture. Haley is doing great and so excited about Christmas this year. I took her to the goodwill store so we could find some decorations for the house today and she picked out a few cute santa figures but I think the snowman figures caught her eyes the most and she started singing Christmas songs and had everyone in their singing them. Dan had to go to the hospital last week, he got bit by something but we aren't sure what. We think it was a spider, his forehead swelled up like a 9 head. I had to call him lump head. But he is doing better now and it's going down but I told him there for a few days you know when you have a sick husband you then have another sick child to take care of and man I wanted to put a matching lump on the other side of his head. I sure hope he doesn't read this update :) OK so to naswer some of the email questions..Dan has to work Thanksgiving 5pm to 7am so it will be the kids and I with no nurse and so we aren't doing anything special. I will have something for Haley and I but for the questions about cooking and so on no we won't as the nurses are off for all holidays. They get 3 days Thanksgiving and Christmas. But with some families it's better and they like it that way, with me I would rather have the nurses if I can get them. I'm going to see if Dan can update on the last nurse story as he tells it so well, I will ask him when he gets home tomorrow. You will laugh for sure. The last 2 have been wow no words can describe but NUTS. OK I am off to feed the kids, we did want to thank a few people for donations that were sent to help baby Danny Jr. We want to thank Tiffany Nocella who has made several donations, Sarah Peters, Colleen Colton, and many who have sent donations through paypal and sent extra on their auctions. We want to thank Dana Hazelwood, Barb Caskey Jennifer for the care packages they have sent. I want to thank Barb Caskey and Eileen Demars for the beautiful flower arrangements that were sent to us, you talk about getting cheered up quick wow!!!!!!!!!! They smell wonderful and look absolutly beautiful. Haley of course thinks they are hers. :
------Just a short note, We took the baby into the hospital and they started him on Cipro again here at home. He goes back December 9th for an infusion. :
------December 9th,2003--We all have been very sick here with the flu so I haven't gotten to a lot of my emials yet. But I will catch up the end of this week. The baby just got back from the hospital and is doing ok. He has had pneumonia and the flu and went and got an infusion today and a flu shot. So he is under the weather but we are sure will get better soon. I will try and do an update at the end of the week when I am feeling better. On an upscale note Danny Jr. made an attempt to pull himself across the floor this week. He rolled off the blanket and onto his stomach and pulled with his arms. He made it about 4 feet and it took him about a half hour but he did it and we are so proud of him. He is getting measured Thursday for his new leg braces and we are waiting on a doctors order to ok this and the hey can make them. This will help him to stand and straighten out his one foot which turns in all the way. Saturday the 13th we are going in for family pictures for the first time at Wal-Mart and they will be Christmas pictures. I am so excited and hope we all are better by then. Haley is so excited about Christmas that's all she talks about every day. She was pretty sick there for awhile but is on the mend. We finally have our day nurse and night nurse back from being sick. Dan will start back at his regular job on the base on Monday so things should get better around here. Haley really missed him a lot and so did baby Danny. I will do catch up the end of this week. Thank you all again for everything. ---December 14th 2003 Disaster Day--We started out with the night nurse not showing up Satuday night and I stayed awake with the baby. His monitors kept going off, I really got about 3 hours sleep beacuse I had to feed him and wake to the apnia spells. Then in the morning the day nurse went to give him medication and it wouldn't go into the button. So she changed it and when she pulled it out the hole closed and she ran up to get Dan. He tried and was not successful and so they both took turns and tried to force it in. Finally it went it but afterwards he was so sore poor guy. Then the day nurse leaves at 4pm and I went over to Danny Jr. and he was blue so I picked him up and tried to look to see what was going on but nothing. The monitors were flashing and he was flat lined. He wasn't breathing so I ran for the CPR bag. I looked at him and the trach was hanging out of his neck, when the nurse changed his trach ties that hold it on they were loose and she didn't see it and it fell out. I tried to get it in by myself with no success by this time he was flat lining and blue with a grey tint. I screamed for Dan then had Haley run upstairs to find him. And she did. He came running and I was yelling to call 911 as he just died so I thought. I was crying and screaming and out of control. Dan tried to get the trach in but it wouldn't go in and we tried another and nothing so we did CPR and grabbed the old one which was no longer sterile but we had no choice. Dan finally got it in there but he bled a lot. He took a breath and my heart stopped. I was in shock as I thought he was gone. Then so so happy as he cried and was breathing. It was a long time with no air. He went limp and lifeless. As I sat there and held him after struggling to tie the ties back on and stablize him I think I was in shock and still am, because I just kept thinking that If Dan would not have heard Haley and came down he wouldn't be here now. I felt like a big loser and the thoughts keep going through my head how I almost lost my son and it would have been my fault because I could not get it in alone. He kept moving and pulling away and I tried to hold him still but each time I would go to put it in he turned his head and fought me. That was a big scare and my mind raced as to what to do next and in a moments time I almost lost him. It happened so fast and I was not prepared for that and when the hole shut I was shocked as we were told you always have a 10 minute period before the hole shuts well not here we didn't. Dan's hands were shaking and we were a mess as we tried to do what we could. He is stable now and sleeping as it took a toll on him today. But he is not sick and he is over the flu and pneumonia thank goodness. Danny Jr is made of steal boy if I didn't believe that before I sure do now. He hung in there and fought and came right back. I think he has nine lives for sure and someone is watching over him because after what I saw tonight if I never believed in Angels I sure do now. He has one right by his side. I love one email I was sent and remember and always will her saying to me. "Many people dream of angels but I hold one each day". This is so true and believe me miracles do happen as it did tonight so those who don't believe and never have this is for you because you are like me. I have to see it to believe it and tonight I did and one day you will too. The saying is so true that things happen for a reason and they will make a believer out of you. It did me and miracles happen and Angels are real really real and they are here with us by our side. they have to be there's no other explanation. :
------December 26th,2003--Danny Jr. is doing great right now and so is Haley. Danny is really starting to roll all over the floor, he won't stay on his little bed on the floor but rolls to his side and keeps going to get to what he wants. That's usually the suction machine or his monitors and he tries to pull them down. Typical boy. He goes for an infusion again on Monday the 29th. But all in all he is doing great here and what a relief to have him home for Christmas this year. And WOW did we have a great Christmas too. We want to thank all of you who sent gifts and donations to make our Christmas so special here. There are too many to name but you all know who you are and we love you so much. We thank all you for your thoughts and prayers at this time too and the many Christmas cards we received which will all be kept in Danny's hope chest. We will be listing as of today as we can't take too many days off here but you will see in the pictures the many gifts that came in. The tree was so full and we all had a wonderful time and a Christmas to remember. We had a hospital in Alton bring gifts down for the kids, the staff all got together and Dana Hazelwood and her friend came to visit and brought the gifts so you will see them in some of the pictures. Haley of course couldn't wait to open gifts and asked every hour on the hour if she could open them. She slept for her naps right by the tree and made sure they were all there still. Thank you all again so so much, the kids were really spoiled and we appreciate all your loving kindness. We had a visit from Santa which went great. Danny Jr. was scared but Haley just adored Santa and had the biggest eyes when she saw him and kept asking when he was coming back. So when she received all her gifts on Christmas from all our ebay friends each one was opened with "Mommy Santa brought me this and mommy Santa brought me this too because I was a good girl" Even though we would tell her whom they came from everything came from Santa, he really made a big impression on her. I will try and take more pictures as she plays with her toys and then list whom they came from but we had so many and Haley tore into them so fast I couldn't keep track of what was what. Even Danny Jr. grabbed the wrap and was tearing at it and made you almost cry as his eyes lit up. He grabbed his maracas and it was on for him, he wouldn't let go of them. We stuck the hokey pokey Elmo on the table and watched him dance for us while Haley jumped in her ball pit. Then we played tea party and My Little Ponies all night. Danny Jr. rolled on the floor after all his new trucks and cars and his drum which he had to bang several times. We Have been just having a blast here with all the new toys, I think Dan and I are more of a kid than the kids sometimes. Some of these new toys are just way too cool. Today Haley has out her new writing desk and leap pad with all the books and she is doing great. She surprised us knowing some of the things and as we looked at each other she said what what and we both laughed. She is one smart little angel. Danny in the pictures by the tree has in front a Dr Suess train with blocks wrapped that he leans on and plays with the ball with daddy and he actually picked up the ball and set it on top of the gift and then when he got to open the gift he was shaking his arms up and down with excitement. As you can see we had a great time. We got pictures before the gifts were open and some with the kids playing with gifts but during the gift opening we were all too excited to take pictures. Thank you all again from the bottom of our hearts. We love you all. :
------January 3rd,2004--I will do a longer update in few days as my step mother just passed away and my dad is in the hospital very sick with the flu and depressed from losing his wife. Please send prayers out for him right now his name is Byron Payne and he is in Redbud Illinois Hospital. Danny Jr is doing great and as spunky as ever and Haley is doing great too so all is well as far as the kids for a change and the kids are busy every day playing with their new Christmas gifts. :
------January 14th,2004--I am so sorry I haven't been able to answer emails in awhile and will try this weekend. My dad has had a stroke and I have been dealing with him right now. My stepmom's daughter never told us my step-mom had died until they had services the next day and I found out through relatives while we were at the hospital with Danny Jr and dealing with other family issues here. My step moms daughter threw my dad into a nursing home that is not fit for a dog. She knew I was in the hospital and could do nothing at the time to stop it. I didn't even know about actually. He never got to see his wife even while being in the hospital as they brought her in by ambulance and she died in the next room and he wasn't allowed by her family to even say goodbye to her or see her. She was right across the hall from him when she died as he was hospitalized at the time. Then we found out her family well her daughter took all my dads things, sold the condo he lived in and left him with nothing. She had been taking my dads pension checks for 12 years now and cashing them and using them for her own means. He signed them over to her so I don't think we can do much about it. He said he had to give them to her in order to live there with his wife her mother. Now is that sick or what. Here we thought they had been putting money back for him for times like this but instead left him with nothing. The topper was when her family took all our Christmas cards which my dad sends out with cash in them to our family and they took them and opened them and kept the money, nice family huh. For all those out there with step families please think of otheres in times like this. My dad has to be in the nursing home now because Danny Jr has MRSA and is active and the doctors say my dad can't live here with the baby because it will kill him. But it sure kills me to see him like this and now him having a stroke a few days ago on top of all this has complicated matters. We will try to find a home closer but right now nothing is available. This nursing home is awful though with dirty floors and cable wires hanging out of windows and nurses nowhere to be found. His dresser is falling apart and the cupboard they keep his hanging clothes in is a wreck. So we will have to get him some decent furniture. How could a nursing home stay open like this. They violate every unclean code there is. He had no cable TV so was staring at 4 walls, we finally got him cable yesterday. What an awful situation and we have had a rough time dealing with not seeing my step-mom who was a very nice lady and like a mom to me. Her daughter kept her death and services from us and then took everything from my dad and sold his home. We found out the home was put in the daughters name when her mom bought it but my dad paid for it , wow what a money hungry sap sucking family she had and that's putting it nicely. We didn't even see it coming. But her daughter covered all her tracks and even had my dad sign a pre-nup right before they had gotten married, the poor guy didn't even know what he was signing. I will be back on the computer this weekend to do catch up but today I have to go and get a phone turned on for my dad and go visit him in the hospital with Haley, Dan Sr is gone until Sunday on exercises with the base. Hugs to all and God Bless you all our true loving caring ebay family. We love you all!! :
------January 24th, 2004. Alot has been going on here from trying to juggle taking care of my dad to baby Danny JR. The new pictures we will be posting on the new auctions going on tomorrow show a little how sick the baby is but we at least wanted to get some new pictures on there. No need to be alarmed though we think it's just from teething. Danny still only has 3 top teeth 4 bottom and 1 molar in back so his teeth are taking forever to come in. In fact in one picture where he's playing in the box he is showing you his knot on his gum which hurts him right now and he pulls at all the time. But we think his fevers he is running is just from teething and we are watching him closely. Now for all the new things he is doing which is amazing. Remember they still tell us he won't make it to be 2 years old but he is going strong and we certainly don't believe them anymore. He now can roll over and over and get to things he wants to play with. He is always into something like pulling the monitors down or grabbing the suction cath and pulling the tubes over. Now he gets up on his knees for a short time and wiggles back and forth like he's going to take off and crawl now that made mommy cry. I was in shock and at the same time was cheering him on which he loves. He rocked back and forth then shifted forward to fall on his face only to get up again. He can move his body but moves backwards like to try and crawl backwards which Haley also did as a baby. She never went forward only backwards then walked after that. He can sit up for longer periods now. He can lay on his side and tries to get up by himself which is really amazing for him. He has super upper body strength. His sats are running low at the time and his oxygen perfect so we aren't sure what to think baout that, his heart rate runs about 85-92 now but again we think it's all part of teethng. His face at times looks gray then as in the pictures looks beat red. I think the red color is from him working so hard though rolling all over the floor. So to Haley. She is doing great and starting to talk more and carry on conversations. I look at her sometimes and I don't see a 3 year old but a little grown up girl with so much knowledge. She has grown up so fast. I have to tell the story about the nurse Sherry and Haley. Haley woke up early and was tired of Danny crying so she turned to Sherry and told her "You know he's just going to have to learn to suction himself because he's getting too old for this now". We nearly passed out laughing. She came down this morning and held Danny's face and said "your my little chunky man don't you you move a muscle", man she had us rolling. Kids are great and what a blessing. i know we have our hard times here and bad days some worse than others but you have to all admit that our kids make us smile more than anything else. They bring laughter and joy to our lives. Without them who would drive us nuts right? Kids are the best and fill each day with joy laughter and something new under the sun. God has his reasons for all this and who are we to question any of it. We have to look at our Heavenly Father as we do our own dads here and know that no matter what they are here like he is to take care of us and when we fall they will pick us up and when we cry they will comfort us somehow. We have gotten that many times with all the beautiful emails that come in. Just when we're down and out here comes another ebay friend to pick us up and give us that extra boost we needed. We want to thank Grandma Lyn from Australia for her donation for baby Danny and Great Grandpa Al Meyers for his donation for baby Danny. What a blessing with all our family here. For those who have emailed about clothing donations yes we are still accepting them and thank everyone who has sent things to sell for baby Danny Jr. I will update again in a few days. My dad is recovering from his stroke and is doing ok right now too. I go to see him twice a week when we can here. Hugs to all!! :
------February 8th,2004. It's been a long couple of weeks here with the bad weather and nurses not showing up but not their fault this time as weather was bad here. Dan's youngest sister Lori and her husband Matt came to visit for a few days and we all had a great time. Haley just adores them both and was so excited when they arrived and played very hard for several days. They had to leave this morning and she woke up crying her eyes out when she saw they were gone. But we all had a blast and what a relief to have some help for a few days. We look forward to their visit again in a few months. Danny Jr. is doing great and Haley is wonderful. We can finally say things here as far as health wise are wonderful. My dad celebrated his 90th birthday on Feb. 7th and we took lots of pictures that we will post on the new auctions along with Lori and Matts trip here and baby Danny got his first haircut on Feb 3rd and we will post those as well, he wasn't too happy with it but in the end he looks more like daddy now. We alos have pictures of him in his new Tux, they turned out really cute. So things right now are stable and we are tired as usual but doing fine. We are accepting any donations of clothing so yes for those who asked again please send them we welcome anything to help baby Danny with his bills and medication. love you all. :
------FEBRUARY 17TH 2003--Well we have had a long week with Haley being sick with a sore throat and cough. We had a great visit from friends off ebay who came down on Monday the 16th from Chicago to visit with us. Rosie Nesbitt and her son Garrett along with Rosie's brother Louis all came for the day. We had so much fun and so much to talk about because as we exchanged emails we found out Rosie and I grew up in Bridgeport and she lived only a few blocks from me wow now that was exciting. Rosie brought down some Polish baked goods from the bakery there as I am Polish and love the food yummy and some steak sandwiches that I missed so much. It took me back to the old days in Chicago and was a wonderful treat indeed. The kids played together and had a lot of fun. We will be posting the pictures of the get together with the auctions we list today. There will be a few of my older son Randy as he just celebrated his 21st birthday on Feb 14th. So it's been a busy week. As far as Danny Jr. he has been very sick with fevers off and on. Over the weekend he quit breathing several times on his own but today was by far the worse. The day nurse said he hit his head against her chest falling and was like in a passed out state and then all his sats just dropped all together. She ran for help and called Dan downstairs. Danny was very pale and his breathing came back very slow. This is a first and something new so we are not sure if he is shutting down neurologically or what is making him quit breathing while fully awake now. He did this while asleep with apnic spells but never while awake. We are so afraid as reaches his 2 year mark that they told us he would never make it too. I think reality hit us in the head here today as to what can happen without warning. We are watching now for signs of respiratory failure which they told us he would die from. He has not been himself and pretty sick here lately. We thought it all was just teething but today really made us think. He had to go back on 3 liters of oxygen also where we had him weaned off the oxygen so we will keep everyone up to date. :
------February 29th,2004. Haley is doing ok but has a huge sty on her eye right now and is a little cranky. Danny Jr. is not doing well right now. His seizures have taken a toll on him and he is very tired all the time. He doesn't have them all the time but the ones he does get really makes him tired and he sleeps a lot. He is very pale and has the dark circles under his eyes. He is not his playful self and we are trying to get a few good pictures for the auctions but we can't seem to get him to smile a lot. I know I haven't been listing as much as I usually do but we have been so busy with the baby and appointments for him. I hope to have things settled down this week and be able to list a bunch of stuff soon. But right now Danny Jr. is our first priority. We have our regular day nurse that Danny Jr has had since he was 3 months old giving us mixed messages right now as to Danny and how long she will stay with us. We think she wants to quit but doesn?t know how to tell us. She thinks Danny is going to die very soon here and doesn't want to be around when he passes away because she says it will just kill her. Nice huh after all this time and now we have to worry about our day nurse staying on here when the going gets tough. Our night nurse is sticking with us. I can't blame the day nurse in a way because he has had a few close calls here lately and all on her shifts but he is attached to her and it would just tear him up to have a change that big in his life especially now. The base has approved us to take Danny to specialist now in St Louis and all his care has been turned over to the St Louis doctors now. We finally got Danny Jr's braces for his legs and we thank all those who send donations to help us out whether it was for medications the braces or personal use for Danny Jr. I haven't even had time to send thank you notes for all the gifts from Christmas and I am so sorry but we know who all of you are and we thank you here and thank you for all the help from everyone out there who made donations and even send clothes for us to re-sell on eBay to help us out. PLEASE KNOW WE APPRECIATE EVERYTHING all of you have done for us. You are the ones out there that help us get by each day and give us the strength to fight through another day. The fight continues along with the sleepless nights and restless days but any of you out there with children know that feeling as well so we are not alone I'm sure :) But remember the words I live by. Kids are a precious gift from God; they are so innocent and trust us for their care. Rely on God for strength and he will get you through anything. Throw your burdens on God and he will sustain you. He gave his own son as a precious gift to mankind and how much love he had for him and yet he sacrificed his life to save mankind. I love my own son and will go to the ends of the earth to save him but when his time comes and we can't stop that day no matter when I will know he's going to a better place. I will love and cherish him while he is here weather sick or healthy and do my job as a parent to take care of what God has given me as we all should do. All we can do is our best as parents, this is for all parents out there, we sacrifice, we love, we cloth, we go without ourselves to give to our kids, we struggle, we go without sleep, we stay up when they are sick, we love without conditions, we strive to give the best we can and in the end if we fail or fall short in any way we need to remember...Better to have tried and failed than to have never tried at all!! I remember these words as each day I try and each day sometimes I think to myself where did I fail why does all this happen and why us and why now and why doesn't things ever get easier and why do things keep happening to the same people, yes I fall short and ask myself these things over and over. It seems at times that things can't get any worse then something new happens and you sit here as I am so sure many of you do and think to yourself. Why do some people just float through life on a cloud and have it so easy and others get pounded and slip on the nearest the banana peel. Some keep getting pounded and can never catch up and get ahead. I know some of you think the same way we do. Do you ever feel life is passing you by and days go by so fast and you?re not going anywhere? Some day I know I will feel different but times like this just really get me down and you all know I write here in my journal what I feel so please no hate emails. We get so many now and we just delete them. This ME page is for all our friends and eBay family who have kept up with our family and our life over the past 2 years. This is our journal to all of you to let you know how things are going and what it is really like here, no candy coating just simple life facts. We are still getting the hate emails but you know what we feel sorry for these people that have nothing better to do than email others with a sick child. So to all our eBay family we will keep you updated, we have several appointments coming up for Danny Jr, including infusions, testing for medication adjustments, neurological doctor visits and new doctors Danny Jr will be seeing now up in St Louis since all the new developments with the seizures. More to come. Hugs to all and we love all of you. :
------March 8th 2004, --Well there's a lot going on here. Danny had an infusion on Thursday and he got what they called liquid gold the best of the best now as to why he wasn't getting this from the start we are not sure but he looked great for the first 12 hours then turned pale white again. He has kept his pale white appearance for the last 4 weeks now. He is having trouble breathing and passes out without warning and his heart rate and oxygen both drop at the same time. He is still having some seizures. Saturday we took him in for blood work at the hospital and all kinds of test and will hopefully find out the results soon. They messed up on his blood work and he has to go in again. But hopefully from what they did save they can find out something. His blood clots within 30 minutes so if it's not literally run to the lab they can't get results from it. Saturday was a tough day on him. He is very tired right now but at least playing some here and there. We look forward to his 2nd birthday coming soon April 3rd. They said he would never make to be 2 years old but soon he will be and prove them wrong once again. He is our little fighter. Haley is doing fine right now. Dan Sr just got back from the hosptial and he has something wrong now and is sick due to what they say is bronchitis and sent him home today and gave him medication. So the two guys here are sick and the girls are healthy. And they say we are the weaker ones, for all the guys this is a joke :) Anyway Dan and I celebrate our 6th anniversary this Friday the 12th. We want to thank Debby and Melody from Canada who sent us a beautiful flower bouquet for our anniversary what a surprise and that made our day. I will keep you updated on Danny Jr. as we hear the results. :
------March 25th,2004--I am really sorry it has taken me so long to get back on here. We have had many ups and downs with Danny Jr. over the past few weeks. Right now after many appointments he is doing much better and we have not seen any seizures or passing out spells since the last infusion. He seems to be doing a lot better. Haley is doing great too. We are excited about Danny's 2nd birthday coming up April 3rd. We are doing the Thomas the tank engine theme and hope to soon have his room changed down here to Thomas theme and make it look more like a little boys room. We have 2 wonderful women good friends we met here on ebay flying in from Canada for Danny Jr's birthday so we are very excited about this as well. We can't wait to see Debby Emond and Melody Vahrmeyer from Canada and we thank their families for making this possible as well. I haven't been on my email account lately. My older brother Kevin who is 46 had a major heart attach on Monday and I have been traveling back to Carbondale which is 3 hours away. I lost my 42 year old brother also to a heart attach so this was pretty scary for us all. I will be able to do catch up on friday as today i was down too because somebody sent us a virus that wiped me out here. So everything as far as the baby is great and Haley is great too. We will update more detailed information on Saturday. :
------MARCH 27TH 2004--This portion is for all those who emailed as to what to send Danny Jr for his birthday. We are doing his room down here for his 2nd birthday gift in Thomas the Tank Engine so anything that would go with that for his room would be perfect, please no hate emails this is for those who have emailed and asked us to post this. Danny is doing great right now and spunky as ever, feeling good too woohoo 6 more days and he makes it to 2 years old. Danny Jr you've come a long way baby!!!!!!!!!!! :
------APRIL 7TH 2004, DANNY'S BIRTHDAY UPDATE: Debby and Melody came down from Canada and got here Friday the 2nd and we all had a super time. On Danny's birthday he was happy and really enjoying being upstairs and seeing all the balloons and decorations. His eyes just lit up. As we were singing Happy Birthday the tears rolled down my face as it was like a boulder lifted off my shoulders thinking wow he made it to be 2 years old, the doctors are not always right. He got Thomas trains, a throw pillow, rug, poster, video and a vhs, clothes, books, stacker cups, cars, and a cute small pillow came today, peek a blocks, remote Thomas, Lantern and a drum. His bed is suppose to arrive Saturday and we can't wait to get it set up down here for him. Debby and Mel from Canada left Monday and it was hard to see them go. We love them and miss them both. They were so sweet while here they made dinners and we shopped and just had a wonderful time. All the new pictures we will post with the new listings today of the party. He is doing great!! Haley is also doing great and had a great time, what a wonderful week. Thanks to all who sent things to Danny for his birthday too including Birthday wishes and just thinking about him at this this time. More to come tomorrow. :
-----April 26th,2004. It has been a long 3 weeks. We have had many doctor appointments for Danny Jr. He has seen over 30 specialist just this month alone. His doctors who hadn't seen him since he was 6 months old were all shocked he was still alive. They measured him from head to toe, from ears to legs to arms poor little guy went through the ringer. One of his doctors put him on his back to check him and he got so mad he turned over raised up on his hands and needs and gave her the mean look and she nearly fell over in shock. She began writing notes and said Danny would one day walk and talk and get the trach out. She has high hopes for him. She wrote orders for a standing board with wheels, braces for his ankles and braces for his legs they are full suppot ones that bend at the knees. But at the same time we are tols that the 17 people in Israel with Danny's rare blood disorder well there are only 4 left all died before the age of 3. But Danny will prove them all wrong and live to be a ripe old age we just know it. He has too many prayers and support from all of you behind him. He has to go in and see a dentist and get his gums lanced as the teeth won't come through and he has huge bumps on them. He is in pain at times from this. But in all he is doing great. He sat up by himself the 24th and he did this 2 times that day. I jumped for joy as this was something I thought I would never see. I had tears in my eyes. Then I sat him on the couch to take pictures and he turned himself around and got down off the couch by himself, I nearly passed out. He fell as he hit the floor as he has no feelings in his legs but he got down and knew how. For me that was the biggest step of all. i held him so tight and he snuggled me and went to sleep on my shoulder for the first time. I felt like I had my baby back. He has never done that and to me it was so emotional just that warmth of him on me and his little breath against me and fast asleep. I have waited 2 years for that. He gave daddy not 1 but 3 kisses on his own puckered up the other day what a melter. I have not got one of those yet but am waiting patiently. He has grown up before our eyes so quick. Dan and I stood over his new Thomas the tank Engine toddler bed and both nearly cried as we knew our baby had grown into a little boy. We stood there and watched him as he slept. And he won't sleep on his back or side anymore it's now always on his tummy. We have been capping the trach and he went one full day with it on through feedings and everything yesterday. He hasn't been able to tolerate it yet at night through his sleep cycle. As soon as he can go 3 days straight with it capped day and night he will get the trach out. We have come so far now wiht him. Haley is doing great and thinks she is his doctor now as she suctions him all the time and wipes his face and now wants to feed him as he has started eating baby food by mouth now, not a lot but it's a start. Haley loves him so much and always makes him laugh, she is such a clown and jumps of the couch just to get a giggle out of him. He laughs so hard he chokes. So as you can see we are all doing great here right now. WE have a lot of appointments coming up in May too now. I will try and keep updated more too. The auctions we have listed right now all are going towards putting Haley through pre-school this year. So try and find something. There are 100's of items we have listed and will be listing a lot more in the next 4 weeks. Thank you for all your bids and support. :
-----May 15th,2004--Sorry we have taken so long to update, Danny had gotten pretty sick here for a few weeks. Good news though, on May 19th of this month Danny Jr will be going in for surgery in St Louis. This will be the first attempt to try and get the trach out. They are going to do a few hours of removing scar tissue then scope him and then do the trach surgery. If they see he can't breathe at this time they will do surgery to re-trach him that same day. If the surgery takes he will be in the hospital for about a week and then we take him home. It will be touch and go for the first month at home. If the surgery doesn't take and he has a hard time we will bring him home the next day. Ebay has been slow for us and we will try and list a few more things Monday. All bids right now are much appreciated as we have a lot we will be dealing with again with surgery coming up so any help with the auctions will be so much appreciated. Please look through and see if there is anything your family can use. Monday and maybe even tomorrow I will try and get more listed. I haven't been able to email people back yet so bear with me here. We have ebay company a very good friend from MA. that has come down for a week and we have been enjoying her company here, Tammy Demars will be here with us until Tuesday the 18th. We want to thank her husband Eddie and their two boys Kodie and Josh for letting mommy come down for a week. She has been a true gift and wonderful help here. More to come. :
-----May 15th,2004--TRACH HAS BEEN REMOVED SUCCESS!!!! We are so happy here the surgery went great on Wednesday and the trach was removed and he is doing great. Danny is still unstable so he won't come home for a few days so we are traveling back and forth taking turns up there. We are both exhausted already. Danny is at Children's in St Louis on the 7th floor PICU intensive care unit room 1. He is really a fighter wow and when Dan and I walked in the recovery room and saw him with no trach we both cried so hard. I can't explain the feeling to anyone unless you have been through this the joy and the feeling of relief to see him breathing and hear him breathe without the trach. He is making a lot of cute noises and trying to mouth things but we can't understand him yet. He is having a little hard time breathing through the day and coughing up what we would have been suctioning out of the trach so he sounds really congested. He can't breathe without oxygen so they had to put him on 4 liters which he will come home needing oxygen all the time. We have lost all our nursing care now as when he got the trach out they cut you off of nursing so it will be really tough around here. I will try to get to all my emails after this week, right now I have to list on ebay the days I am home so we can have funds to travel back and forth. I will list the new pictures I took up there with the new auctions I am listing today. All auctions that have ended in the last few days will be mailed Monday the 24th after we bring Danny home sorry for the delay but please understand. Please look through all the auctions if you can help right now we do appreciate it very much. I will update again tomorrow. Love you all!! :
-----VICTORY---We are bringing Danny home today no trach just on oxygen now. They tried to burst our bubble and remind us he is still a terminally ill child and you should have seen the looks we gave them hmmm he is a miracle in itself. We are getting a lot of emails as to where to send cards and gifts for Danny so we wanted to let you know he is coming home today, we are leaving to get him now. So please send things here to the house for those who asked. Please no stuffed toys as we had to remove them from his room for now as to the dust particles getting in the open trach hole, thank you so kindly. More to come. :
---WELCOME TO DANNY JR.'S HOMEPAGE AND STORY :
---DANNY JR. WAS BORN WITH SPINA BIFIDA: HE HAS SYMPTOMATIC ARNOLD CHIARI II, A SHUNT, A RARE BLOOD DISORDER AND HE IS THE ONLY PERSON IN THE U.S.A WITH THIS RARE BLOOD DISORDER, HE HAS HAD A TRACH WHICH WAS RECENTLY REMOVED, PORTACATHE IN HIS CHEST, G-TUBE FOR FEEDINGS, HE HAS HAD 23 SURGERIES TO DATE. OUR FAMILY HAS MADE IT THIS FAR WITH THE HELP OF OUR EBAY FRIENDS AND SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS HERE. DANNY WAS BORN APRIL 3RD 2002. HALEY IS HIS SISTER AND SHE WAS BORN JULY 21, 2000. THEY ARE INSEPERABLE. :
---UPDATE AUGUST 22ND, 2004—We are sorry we have updated in awhile but Danny Jr. has been very sick here. He has a very bad case of the pneumonia, we finally got him home and he again has a 2nd bought of pneumonia. So we have been very busy dealing with him. He is in a lot of pain and cries all the time. He coughs and chokes and quits breathing a lot. We have had our hands full. I have a few new pictures I will post from where we got him to laugh which is far and few between these days as he doesn’t laugh or smile anymore. He is a very sick little boy right now. He is still having seizures and passing out. We are taking him in on Aug. 23rd for an MRI and a lot of other test and will update with that tomorrow evening. Danny’s veins that supply oxygen to his lungs are eroding now and closing and he now has an enlarged heart. So now we deal with heart and lung problems as well. As far as Haley we have started her in pre-school to get her away from all of this. She is really enjoying being around the other kids. She was very stand offish at first and kept to herself withdrawn but is starting to open up a little. As far as Dan and I well it’s not been easy here to say the least. Lack of sleep and restless nights have worn us down. But we go on as any other parent with a sick child. You do the best you can and rely on God to give you the strength to make it through that day and then the next. The power of prayer is our strongest weapon right now. We are going to list a lot of 5 day auctions as I got pretty far behind here with caring for Danny the past 3 weeks day and night so please look through them and find something for your family. We have something for everyone and will be listing day and night. I will try and get to all my emails but right now for about 4 days straight I will be listing on eBay. Thank you all for your support, concerns, prayers and well wishes we really do appreciate this and it means a lot to us. We have been asked where to send clothing donations to help Danny Jr out and the address is the same as the one at the top of this page. Thank you all too for the donations sent we couldn’t have made it without all of you. We love you and thank you for being our family.
---SEPTEMBER 24TH, 2004--- There was just a meeting with Dan and all the specialist in St LOUIS he just called, not good news for our family: Danny Jr. they said is in the advanced stages of his terminal illness. The pneumonia has damaged his lungs and airway beyond any repair. There is nothing more they can do for him. He has been put on today a DNR, NO OXYGEN, NO REVIVAL AND NO SUCTIONING ORDERS. They are sending Danny home Monday under medication like Morphine and other drugs for pain to pass away here, we have to keep him up there 3 days to get the DNR in order for home here. They said no medications will fix the advance stage he is now. They expect him to pass soon here at home. They said he coughs and chokes so much because his lungs are full from the 3 different strains of pneumonia he has had in the past month. They will try and make him comfortable now. I am sitting here in shock and just cant stop crying as it hit me like a ton of bricks. I really thought he would get better and be ok for awhile again. But they can't get rid of this pneumonia and his heart has gotten larger and the heart rate erratic. Please keep our family in your prayers. EBay will be out on hold until we can get a little help from the girls on base to help me out as we need to spend this time with our son right now. Danny is our main concern and then the bills will have to come later.
---SEPTEMBER 25TH.2004--WE ARE GOING TO BE LISTING SOME 5 DAY AUCTIONS FOR THE BALOW FAMILY TO HELP THEM OUT RIGHT NOW. BARB SENT DOWN SOME PICTURES SHE TOOK OF DANNY AT THE HOSPITAL YESTERDAY AND I WILL POST THEM ON HER AUCTIONS FOR HER. THEY WILL BE BRINGING DANNY HOME SOON AS THE DOCTORS TOLD THEM IT WOULD BE BETTER FOR HIM TO BE AT HOME WITH THEM AT THIS CRITICAL STAGE. THEY ARE GOING TO USE THE MONEY MADE FROM THESE NEW AUCTIONS TO SEND HALEY BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL ON THE BASE AS THEY SAID SHE NEEDS TO BE AWAY FROM ALL THIS AND HAVE HER LITTLE MIND TAKEN OFF ALL THIS AT THIS TIME. SHE NEEDS A DISTRACTION RIGHT NOW. HALEY IS OK BUT SHE KNOWS SOMETHING IS GOING ON, SHE IS A SMART COOKIE. THE PARENTS DON'T WANT ANYMORE STRESS ON HER RIGHT NOW SO THE AUCTION MONEY WILL BE FOR HALEY TO GO BACK TO PRE-SCHOOL. PLEASE LOOK THROUGH THEM, I WILL TRY AND LIST WHAT I CAN BUT I WILL ONLY BE HERE OVER THE WEEKEND. THANKS KELLY (FRIEND OF THE BALOW FAMILY)
---SEPT 26TH,2004-- A POEM FOR OUR BEAUTIFUL SON DANNY JR.:
---From the moment we knew you would be. I could not wait to bounce you on my knee. You were loved from the very start. What joy you brought to mommy and daddy' s heart. I thought of all the trains you would collect. I visioned you playing football and all the hugs around the neck.
--- I could not wait to hears your prayers at night. When you got older we would watch you ride your bike. These plans were not meant to be . One day the master's plan we will see. As we hold you so close we tell you of the love of you little sister and 2 brothers . and pray you feel the love of your wonderful dad and beautiful mother. Most of all we want you to know of Jesus' love for he himself was sent from above. Two years is not enough to say hello before we have to say good-bye. We will hold and cherish you till it is time for to go to your new home in the sky. our hearts break as our eyes fills with tears but some how we will know the Holy Spirit is near. You are like rose that will one day bloom again and all the plans we had we will share then. We wonder if our hearts will mend, as we look to heaven above and see you riding THOMAS THE TRAIN, We know will find comfort in the wonderful Magnificent Savior's love. Love, Mommy and Daddy,Haley,David,and Randy all the lives you have touched in the world of ebay,
--- Forever in our hearts and prayers,From the Jordan Family Carol,Leanne,Dawn,Amy,Jason,Andrew,Jeremi,Tina,Caitlyn,Tlyer,Samara, and baby Brandon(mothertoten)plusone andFrogmania30 God Bless All Who Read This May Your Hearts Be Blessed :
------UPDATE SEPT 26TH 2004: We just brought Danny home and Dan and I have sat here and cried for days now. It really hit us like a tone of bricks. To tell you the truth I thought we would get him in up there they would clear his pneumonia and he would be home in a few weeks and be ok. But we got the shock of our lives when they told us there was nothing they could do anymore for him. They said he is too far gone right now. The pneumonia has filled his lungs beyond help and he has severe damage to the lungs. So they sent him home today on medications to relieve the pain. Where he used to gag and cough all the time he doesn't even cough now. All that is sitting there in his chest and you can hear it and we feel so helpless. He will die soon here they said and want us to start making funeral arrangements, how in the world as his parents do we do that while he is still alive, I cant even bear the thought. This is all tearing Dan and I up inside as we sit here and watch him die slowly. He is not in any pain now because the medications take care of that but he is slowly going and his breathing is crazy and stops and goes. I feel like I am killing my son here I can't even begin to explain to anyone how that feels. I am so torn and a nervous wreck here each day waiting for it to happen. They took him off all anti-biotics now, no oxygen, no pulse ox, nothing to revive him, I cant believe it has come to this. At times he looks ok and then he turns blue and just falls over, and we rush over to him to hold him its sick and so nerve wrecking. I know we chose to bring him home for this but this has got to be the hardest thing for any parent. Danny had the right side of his veins shut down that supply oxygen to his lungs and the left side is going fast they said. We have paperwork sitting here for the ambulance so we are covered when this happens and a DNR on him in place. We haven't a clue how to tell Haley and we are trying to have the girls on base list things on eBay so we can send her back to pre-school while all this is going on. We had to pull her out as it got so expensive and we couldn't afford it. But she needs to back there and away from this, she asks too many questions and she gets frustrated when she sees Danny fall over. It breaks my heart when she picks him up and says come on Danny quit fooling around your scaring me here. How in the world do you prepare her for this. We have told her a little bit at a time to prepare her so it doesn't hit her all at once. And she is so smart and understands so much for her age. I admire my own 4 year old daughter. I am beside myself as Dan is too. The only way I can tell people how we feel is this: Picture this as yourself and the doctors telling you to take your child home to die then look at your child right now and tell me how you would feel, how can you look at them and know they are going to die soon at any day now. Look at your child and picture this and think about losing them and then you will know how we feel, we are sick and our hearts are broke. He has fought a long time and we know it's close for his time to go to heaven but as a parent you never want to let go. We want to thank you for all the prayers and support and the beautiful emails that have been sent. We all feel helpless right now though and feel like we sitting here just watching a movie that wont end Thank you kindly: I sure haven't given up and still to this day I see some spark in him and hope he just turns around and proves them wrong but we know deep inside it's not going to happen this time. He can't get better because they took him off all the anti-biotics to clear up the pnuemonia and no more infusions to keep his immune system up and no oxygen or suctioning so without all that he won't last long. i know deep down too he is suffering here. For the past 6 weeks he has done nothing but cry and at least on these pain medications they gave him he is comfortable. Dan and I had a scare last night as Dan held him he cried so hard turned blue and passed out we thought oh my goodness is this it and we both cried as Dan Sr. held him and his little heart was still beating so we knew he would take a breath again but for how long we dont know. I feel like im going to have a stroke here and having the chest pains just from stress is not helping us. You can never be prepared to lose a child no matter what and how sick they are. This is the craziest thing I have ever been through, its like standing in front of a train waiting on the tracks for it to hit you. Haley woke up last night screaming in her bed asking where Danny and daddy were and I told her they were asleep and she settled down. I am trying to prepare her slowly but she just clings to him more now. Dan took her to school today and had to enroll her again and pay all the darn fees and he went over to the credit union to see about a loan to pay for her daycare. It will just be another payment on top of all of these, I think the hospitals own us now :) His new medicine is in this huge bottle and cost $500 can you imagine oh my gosh but it does help him and Dan said he would pay $5000 for it because it has eased his pain, I said ok lets not get crazy here :) I do hope God has mercy on Danny and takes him in peace and doesn't suffer to much more, it's sad to say that but if you were to see him you would know what I'm saying. you can see it in his face now the scared look when he can't catch his breath and he doesn't even cough anymore to try and get the stuff out so that's why I know too he will drown from that pnuemonia sitting there, and that's the part that kills me. But we are dealing the best we can here and doing a lot of crying too, thank you for making our lives so much easier always, you and your families have always been there for us like our own family and we really hung onto that and this has made us feel good just to know we have some people out there that really do care. THANK YOU ALL!!
------UPDATE SEPTEMBER 28TH, 2004--WE ALMOST LOST HIM THIS MORNING. It was so close I ran in there as I heard him crying and he couldn't get his breath and had that petrified look on his face. I ran downstairs to change him and calm him down. As I was changing him he turned blue and passed out and then nothing. I grabbed him ran upstairs in a panic and woke Dan up and at the same time trying to be quiet not to wake Haley and scare her. He went limp on Dan and we both thought oh my gosh this is it and we cried so hard and then Haley walked in and I grabbed her and took her in the kitchen and made her breakfast. At the same time Danny Jr took a breath and was breathing very shallow. I called Joe a great friend of our from the base and asked to him to come get Haley out of here and he was here within the hour. At this time too Danny Jr, passed out again and pooped all over himself from head to toe and me and Dan. It was awful so we ran downstairs and started to clean him up and were crying the whole time. He woke up and was breathing very shallow again and we fed him and gave him medications to comfort him and he seemed to calm down. He has such a hard time when he first wakes up in the morning now that I can't see him making though too many more and Dan and I both said we will be shocked if he makes it through tomorrow morning. How horrific to watch all this can imagine how our nerves are shot, we thank God each day we can depend on Joe Portioz a single man from the base with a heart of gold and helped us though this whole thing and even made dinners for us what a wonderful true friend. We want to thank everyone that pitched in and sent some money to help Haley get back in school we have her paid up until next week now which helps more than we can ever tell you. She doesn’t need to be around all this right now. And she loves school so much. She goes to the daycare on the military base here at Scott. She calls it school so we do too. Kelly a good friend also from the base will be listing auctions for us right now to help us out here. Please look through them all and try to help right now as much as you can, you know we have never asked or begged for help from anyone and always sold on eBay to help our family out and we are asking now that you look through the auctions and help as much as you can. We don’t even care if people don’t bid on anything after this is all over but right now we do need the help and are asking for it. You get a great item and help us at the same time, we are asking if anyone has any donations of clothing or anything at this point please send them on. We are still paying for Haley for school and have to save back now for we fear will be our sons end soon. Pray for him and light candles for him and ask God to take him in peace, soon he will earn those little wings of his and we will have an angel watching over us. But I have to tell you we are going to hang on to him as long as we can right here on earth, I took a few new pics of him this morning as he was sitting there feeling a little better and will Kelly will post them on the new auctions going on today. I am trying to answer all emails but have many of them and will try and get to them all as soon as I can. Thank you all for the help!!!!
------SEPTEMBER 30TH,2004-- Sorry our internet has been down for a few days. Danny is having a rough time and the pnuemonia has taken over now and you can really hear it in his lungs. When he first wakes up is the hardest time of day for us and then as the evening draws near he struggles. He is having seizures again and then passes out quite a bit. He has me and Dan on the edge of our seats here. But he is hanging in there so far we just just don't know how much longer he can go on like this he is barely getting any air in and out. But he fights it so hard. Haley last night made me cry so hard as she was in the shower and asked me "Mommy is Danny going to die soon?" And I said yes baby we think soon as he is very sick you know and we talked about him going to heaven and becoming an angel and watching over all of us. She looked at me and said "But I don't want him to leave I want him to stay with me forever. And she said he can't go he has to be my little brother" So we had a long talk with her last night and you can tell it broke her heart thinking about it all but she is so strong for a 4 year old and in the end said.."God will take care of Danny until we can see him again and I will pray every night when I go to bed" She is such a sweet girl and has been through so much. She loves her brother and when she comes home is right down there hugging and kissing on him. Right now Danny is sleeping most of time on this medication which is best for him but we did get a few pictures of him and will post them with the new auctions. please don't be alarmed as this is what he looks like now and we have been asked by many to share them on the auctions too for all those who have kept up with his life. More to come :
---OCTOBER 2ND,2004--Sorry it took me so long to update but we have had many ups and downs here with Danny Jr. And we are spending a lot of time right now with Haley and Danny. Danny JR. will be ok one minute and the next passed out in the floor. It mainly happens early evening and when he wakes up in the morning. In turn we have had a lot of sleepless nights. The congestion in his chest you now hear real good so I think the pnuemonia has taken over completely. He can barely get a breath in and out and struggles each day and each day that goes by is worse than the day before. I think the day after day wondering if this will be it; is really getting to us. We are on edge here each day. The doctor talked to us yesterday and they were shocked he was still breathing and still with us. He said Danny is a fighter for sure and one of their toughest patients. In his case right now I don't know if that's a good thing or bad thing. He tries to cough but nothing comes out and that's rare now that he can cough as the medication keeps him from doing that so all that congestion now just sits there building more and more in his chest because he can't cough it out. We don't know a time line as many asked when we think he will die here, I don't honestly know. I am not God and it's all in his hands now not ours. I know with what I am seeing I can't see him making it much further. Each day is worse than the last. Today he is sleeping a lot which he usually doesn't do through the day. So I think his body is worn out. We have ebay visitors coming in to see Danny on Sunday so we will take lots of pictures when the family arrives from Chicago. The military base has been wonderful to our family. They families on base have all pitched in and been coming out to see Danny Jr and bringing us meals each night which is a huge help right now. The people we have met here from the base in the past few days have all been so very nice and kind. And so understanding. It is a big relief not to wory about meals and getting to spend more time with the kids right now. I have to cut this short as Danny is having a rough day this morning but will update more this evening. Oh and I just found out that my oldest son David who is 23 is having a son and will be born on Feb 3rd, so my first grandbaby is going to be a boy and I have to tell you when I first heard the news I cried so hard. I was happy for them but sad too all I could think of was losing my son and then having a greandson right behind that soon. It's been hard but I can't wait until David jr is born soon. So for all those who were asking: It's a boy ;) :
------Small short update: Just to answer some questions we have been emailed about, and don’t think they aren’t ones we have asked too ;) They could treat Danny right now but it would take 6 weeks to start clearing up the pneumonia he has right now and then he would get another strain in the meantime, the whole time he suffers so badly and can’t breathe through all this. So we would be prolonging what will take place anyway and then putting him in more pain for much longer. His veins that supply oxygen to the lungs and heart are destroyed on the right side already and the left is almost gone so he will die soon form that anyway no matter what we he will die soon from either or both. His rare blood disorder prevents them from doing any surgeries as well. The pneumonia now though has done so much damage its ir-reversible so he is in bad shape and then the kids that do clear up with severe pneumonia like Danny 35 till die. We have been through all the questions and asked so many times if there is anything and we mean anything they can do and they said no it's in God's hands now and they said if there any remote chance of saving Danny's life at this point they would. The doctor we talked to yesterday said it shouldn't be much longer as every day his breathing gets a little worse than the day before. All we can do is medicate him and make him comfortable right now. I wish I could explain better and if you were here to see this all in person you would know and see what we mean. He cries non-stop in pain and grabs his head all the time so with the pain medication at least he is comfortable. We torn between not wanting to let him go and then not being able to bear seeing him suffer and wanting him to be free from pain and go to heaven. Today he has been sleeping most of the day and resting, I think his body is finally just worn down. Thank you for all the help you have been a life saver around here and we can’t ever explain what this means to us. You have become part of our eBay family and will stay that way forever in our hearts and minds. Love you lots Hope this answers some questions :) :
------OCTOBER 5TH, 2004--Danny Jr. is still hanging in here. I am not sure how long a child can go with full blown pneumonia before they actually go into respiratory failure. He is running high fevers now, has the loose bowels and choking a lot. The doctor when we talked to him said the choking is because he is trying to clear his airway but he can’t because the pneumonia has taken over. He has very labored breathing and the pain medication at times doesn’t even seem to help as he grabs the back of his head and just cries. I feel so badly for him and it has really made Dan and I sick here to watch all this day after day. We have taken a few new pictures of him when the eBay friends came down from Chicago so on the new auctions you will see the family of Kevin, Michelle and Ryan and a few of the neighbors down the street that came to see Danny Jr. We all had a great time, Danny had a few spells while the family was here but they were very calm and sweet about it. Haley thanks to many of you out there is back in daycare and loving it and so happy. She can’t wait to get up for school and head out of here. She asked us the other day when Danny Jr was going to die and we told her when God decides it’s his time and nobody can make that decision except for God. She said she hopes god leaves him here a little longer for her to play with. She does try to play with him too but most of the time he is too weak. He will sit up for awhile then fall over. He doesn’t respond to us like he used to it’s almost like he doesn’t hear you when you talk to him and he is in space land. To answer many of the questions emailed to us here, no I don’t know when he will die. The doctors told us only a few days when we brought him home and they too are shocked he is still breathing as he has the full blown pneumonia. And no we don’t plan on a cremation for our son many people can do that but I can’t and that’s each ones decision and opinion. No we can’t give Danny Jr medications to make the pneumonia go away it’s beyond control and has done way too much damage to his lungs right now and if we did give him medication for it the only thing we are doing is prolonging his pain for at the max 6 months. You have to remember Danny has also a rare blood disorder he is the only person in the U.S.A. with it and there were 17 in Israel that had it and 5 in Holland, the Holland kids have all died before 3 and there are 3 left in Israel plus Danny all under 3 and all have died before the age of 3 from it. He also has Symptomatic Arnold Chiari II which his brain sits in the back of his neck not on top like yours and mine. So he has a lot of pain from this. So if we thought Danny had a chance even a tiny chance to live a normal life or even to be a few years older we would try even further but why prolong his pain, if you were here day after day when he cries so hard from the pain and this was your child I think many who emailed would think twice. I am torn between letting my child go now with no more pain sorrow or sickness and be at peace, or watch him in pain for maybe a few more months and cry and hurt and then we hurt as well. But we made the decision to let him go now as soon as his time has come and God sees fit to take him when he and only when God is ready to take him will he go. For some reason God feels the need for Danny to stay a bit longer maybe a day maybe two but we don’t question those reasons as he is the creator and gave us life and from dust were made and dust we shall return. Danny will be at peace soon but while he is here we are spending all our time with him now. Maybe God is easing Dan and I into this slowly because he knows a quick death would do us in. We have had many close calls holding him and he stops breathing and we cry and think oh no and then he takes a short slow breath and comes back so maybe this is God’s way of easing our pain when this does happen I have no clue I just know he is still here and very sick but here with us. 1 John 4:8 says God is a God of love. So if he is a God of love he will know when to take Danny and when we are ready. Thank you all for keeping up here and I am really trying to get to all the emails but there are many and my time is so limited with Danny Jr right. Hugs to you all. :
------OCTOBER 7TH,2004, We have been up all night with Danny Jr. the past 2 nights as he can't sleep when you lay him down. He has a harder time breathing so Dan and I are on shifts here with naps through the day. Danny is sleeping a lot more and his body has gotten very weak, he hs lost some bodily functions within the past 2 days. The doctor called and we talked for awhile and he said Danny's organs inside are shutting down and therefore he can't control his urine or bowels anymore. So as we watch this all it kills us inside each day. I'm not sure how long he can go like this. He is for sure a fighter and hanging on for now, not but much but that little thread he is hanging there with is strong. I will try and get some new pictures for the auctions but right now he is sleeping a lot. Haley is having a blast at school and loves it. She had to stay home today as Dan and I were both too tired to drive her there. But she received some care packages for wonderful ebay friends and has been eating candy and bouncing off the walls and playing with her new coloring books, crayons, carebears backpack and stuffed toy along with stick on earrings that are everywhere :) She is just in high hog heaven as they say here and happy happy happy. She said mommy is it my birthday and I said no and she said is it Christmas and I said no baby these are all from wonderful ebay family friends that love you so much and she smiled so big and said will they all come and see us and Dan and I both had to chuckle. But we told her maybe some day we can meet lots of them. She really is having a good time and has cheered up so much thank you all. There are some ebay friends who wanted to do auctions to help Danny out and I will list their user names so you can check them out, as you know we always have been skeptics as this has been done before for us but we never saw one cent from any of them. But yesterday we got a donation of $82.60 from SWAKD a group of ladies helping us out and wow we were so shocked as they really did do the auctions and sent the donation to help with Danny Jr. Dan is no longer a skeptic now and both realize there are people that will actually do this and help out wow what a blessing. We thank them for all their hard work and the donation, you can look them up as they still have auctions going for Danny, then there is Charitynet thats the user name that has 3 auctions up for Danny. So check them out too. We want to again thank all those who sent us donations by mail and paypal weather it was small or large please know we appreciate all the help!! LOVE YOU ALL LOTS N LOTS :
------OCTOBER 9TH,2004--Danny is very weak now but he has his moments too, today he played with his little piano for a little bit and sat up which he hasn't been able to do much of here. It was so funny because as he was looking at it he had this strange look and bent down and looked at himself in the mirror and I caught it on camera. Then he looked up at me and smiled really big for a few so snap snap the camera went and then he fell over and just looked off into space and rested now. Oh, he went after the phone on the wall too today wow he was a stinker ;) He finally fell asleep as just that little play time wore him out. But what a great few minutes it was. I was grinning from ear to ear. And I will post the pictures on the new auctions to be listed this evening. He is so weak though and his labored breathing always has us on edge. I'm still not sure how long he will last with full blown pneumonia and when and what to expect but we live each day enjoying what we have and hoping we have another day with him. God will take him in his time not ours. Our lives are a gift from God and so are our children's and he will see fit when he has his place prepared in heaven for Danny and then he will take him but until then we will enjoy our son no matter how tired we are and how crazy the household gets here we love him with all our heart and thank God each day for each minute we have had to share our lives with him and make beautiful memories for us and Haley. Haley got some stickers in the mail from a little girl named Hayden and she has them all over the place and on her face in the new auction pictures she had a blast and ate right away the 2 pieces of gum that were sent with it. Haley has adopted a Grandma on ebay she calls Grandma Candy it's so cute as she sent Haley a box of Halloween candy that made her day and Haley yells out wow mommy it's from Grandma Candy, yes she is bouncing off the walls here :) We thank God for all our ebay friends on here. We have another lady Amy is her name that has some auctions going for Danny and already sent the money for one that ended so yes she is legit and please check hers out I think they end tomorrow it's under the user name (amyjarkal) So please check her out she is a wonderful lady as well and also SWAKD still has auctions for Danny goig too. There is one more lady that listed an auction for Danny her user name is collectibleheaven her name is Cyndee and another wonderful ebay lady, and I will post any user names here that email us with auctions they have up for Danny as I get to them in my inbox. I have over 500 in the inbox so please be patient with me :) We just got word there is one more auction added in Danny's name by Robin a wonderful lady who made the kids their wiggles blankets she has an auction going for an angel costume wow you have to see it her user name is nanabobana! Check it out and thank you all. Make sure you put the ! after the nanabobana! One more added is jillybean$ she has a cute sheep on the auctions for Danny and a wonderful friend too. :
------OCTOBER 11,2004--Danny woke up struggling really hard this morning so we are watching him closely today. I prayed quite a bit that it doesn't happen today of all days on my birthday as I would never look at another birthday the same again. We are going to list quite a few auctions later today as we have fallen so far behind here. Danny also has a lot of fluid buid up around his portacathe today and you can see his heart pounding hard. It hit home when Christopher Reeves died yesterday after they removed his trach as he too has the enlarged heart like Danny so I'm really shocked Danny Jr. has lasted this long. Dan went down to the funeral home to see about arrangements and I just couldn't go with as it broke my heart to even think about it but we knew it had to be done. The people there were very nice. Dan will take care of everything and as I am not that strong to even let my mind wonder that far ahead yet, what keeps me going is the sad thoughts that maybe some miracle will happen even though I know it won't I have to hang onto that for my own sanity right now. All your help with the auctions is very much appreciated and the bids and wins have helped us so much here. We want to thank all those who have auctions going for Danny and have sent the money to help with him and Haley. More to come have to go medicate and feed him. One more auction that just went up for a brand new hokey pokey elmo look at user name 2CRAZY_4_BABY_GAP, We also have another lady that added an auction too check her user ID out at my2sweetboys a wonderful sweet lady. :
------OCTOBER 11TH,2004--EVENING UPDATE--Danny began to have fever around 4pm today and it has gotten up to 103 and he has so much mucus in his mouth and nose he is struggling to breathe. We are watching this closely but these are all signs they told us to watch for. :
------OCTOBER 12TH,2004--Danny made it through the night I'm not sure how but he did. This morning his temp is around 100 and he is breathing really hard, there is snot coming out of his nose and through the trachea hole in his neck. He is trying to cough but can't get it up as it's thick right now. We are seeing the pneumonia for sure taking over now. His vitals have dropped. Dan had to go back to work today so it's very nerve wrecking here by myself. Haley has a sore throat and was up a lot last night crying but we had to send her to school so I can deal with Danny Jr. here. Will keep you updated as the day goes on, I just checked him and his fever is up to 101.3 and it's only 9 AM here. We received 3 boxes of clothes for donations for the auctions this week from M. Serette I think her name was Michelle she sent a variety of things from women's clothes to girls clothes and women's coat size small that is just stunning and Karen Rayno sent us a lot of new with tags clothes and some little boys shoes and she sent a new barbie for Haley which she will flip over when she gets home today from school, we received a box of variety of clothes from kathy Sciabbarrasi, we thank you all for the donations these will be listed this week hopefully later today ot tomorrow depending on Danny JR. and how he does. Thank you ladies so much. :
------The pictures you see on the auctions today we are listing right now may be a little a harsh for some these were taken early evening last night before the fever began but we want you all to be a part of what he looks like now and see what we see as he is a part of your lives now just as well as ours. You can see one of the veins under his eyes that began sticking out has popped and he has others on the other side that protrude I guess from pressure in his head right now. He has swelling in his face and around his portacath in his chest. We will take pictures as long as we can for you to see him. For those of you that can't take seeing him this way please no more rude emails just don't look at them we have a lot of close ebay family here that want to see him now and then so here's for all our family :) :
------OCTOBER 14TH,2004--Danny has had a lot of ups and downs here the past few days. We have gone through periods of non-stop hours of crying to where he will just sleep a lot. Haley and I both have the cough and congestion and I tell you what I don’t know how Danny is doing this because I am miserable just with what I have and I can’t imagine going through what he has. He is the strongest little boy I have ever seen in my life. What keeps him going I will never know? There are times we have had here where he passes out and looks like he is going only to breathe again. He is remarkable and has many angels watching over him and for God’s reasons alone he is still here with us. We have had many rude emails asking why he hasn’t died yet and yes I will answer some of these here because these emails have been deleted. I HAVEN’T A CLUE do you see this I HAVEN’T A CLUE why he is still here except that God wants him here a little longer. Dan and I have discussed this many nights and the only thing we can come up with is maybe God is preparing Dan and I for the final end with al these little short episodes that scare the socks off of us and literally makes us sick to the point of throwing up. Our nerves are shot here with the day to day ups and downs but God gives us the strength to go on. Emails from rude people are being answered by a few of our friends who are helping me with the auctions right now. And no I haven’t been listing we have spent all our time with Danny and Haley capturing moments where he feels good on video and pictures of the 2 kids. We have gotten many cute pictures the past 2 days where Danny had about an hour of good play time which we treasure right now. The girls said that all our friends out there have been bidding on the auctions and helping so much and we thank you for this. We had one email that the girls brought to my attention that really disturbed me a lot. The email said we are using Danny to make money and get donations and that I spend all my time on auctions and not with the kids. Let me clarify this as this email has me crying for 2 days now. I have help with the auctions right now and am glad we have close friends here that can do this for us and do it for free. We have tons of bills to pay for and the auctions are the way I can help my family here. I am not asking for people to give us money but we put auctions up and sell items to make this money it is by so many people with big hearts and caring souls that we have been blessed and have been openly given donations weather it be clothes money or just support through emails. It is by ebayers who love Danny and this family that they on their own help us out and don’t think for one second we don’t remember each and every one of them and will always be part of our family and the journal will continue on even after we lose our son here for our eBay family. So in short we have lots of help here form good friends, we are spending ALL our time with the kids and I come down to answer personal emails and do updates when Danny is asleep and Haley is at school. And yes many have helped us to keep Haley in school if it weren’t for that I don’t think Haley could be as strong as she is seeing all this happening. School has been her life-saver right now she loves it and we just admire her for her strength through all of this. I wish everyone could see what we go through for one day here non-stop with very little sleep. Wondering the next time you walk by Danny’s room if you will still hear him breathing. The knot in your stomach when his face turns blue and he’s choking and there is nothing and I mean nothing you can do but hold him tight and pray that God take him in peace and not suffering. I will tell you my feelings through the day here. I wake up run to his room see if he is ok as my stomach hurts as to what I might find. I pick him up as he is choking uncontrollable and gasping for air. Take your hand and put it over your mouth and try to breathe or hold your nose and try to breathe that’s how it sounds or more like putting your whole hand over your mouth and nose and trying to breathe through the little cracks. Then it’s off to feed and medicate him and comfort him as he cries so hard because the fear in his eyes and face is heart wrenching. He finally calms down to watch a little T.V. But here lately he hasn’t been able to concentrate much and tosses and turns. You might get an hour of good play time where he sits up and smiles and plays with toys then the pain hits him like a brick and he’s down for the count again then cries himself to sleep. No that’s not all that’s to this, in the meantime you are wiping snot off his nose constantly and tears from eyes and crying yourself because it kills you to see him like this as your stomach is in knots. Then as you feed him through the g-tube he cries so much it burst out everywhere and clean it up and try again. The hole still in his neck from the trachea has green nasty sticky stuff that pours out then dries quick and you are wiping that off too all the time. Meanwhile exhausted the same cycle begins again. While he is asleep he jumps and has seizure activity and cries so you hold him and let him go back to sleep only to do this again maybe 10 minutes later, his body is exhausted and he is weak but he ahs put up more fight than any adult could ever do in their lifetime. That’s just part of the day, when Haley comes home we listen to her stories of school and how much fun she had and she thanks God and prays each night for all those who helped her stay in school and yes we tell her when help comes in and tell her the names of the people she doesn’t always get it right but she tries and you can tell she is so smart and so thankful for everything she gets. I wish you all could meet her too she is so spunky and for a 4 year old very very smart. Haley knows the girls here help too with eBay and she always ask them when they do come in if they want drinks or food she is so cute. So our day is full and then to sleep at night is another story. Right now we hole Danny upright on the couch as we try and sleep with him there because he has the hardest time laying down and then and only when he is in a deep sleep can you put him in bed and that may be at 3am at times. And Dan helps too and has to go to work the next day at 6am so it’s not all fun and games here and we don’t sit around on the computer and beg for money. WE have asked the base to help with Haley’s daycare but they haven’t gotten back with us yet but for now she is paid for with the help of all of our eBay friends and family and we appreciate this as this was our greatest concern right now. So I’m not sure what bugs these people who email bad letters to us, the fact we have so many who love us and the kids or the fact they are just lonely people with maybe no kids so they don’t understand anything and if this is the case we pray for you and hope that God has mercy on your souls for what you write to us. We don’t hold it against you but feel sorry for you, but don’t hurt us in the process ok keep the nasty thoughts to yourselves and pray to God not to have bad thoughts but have good ones. The power of prayer is sharper than a two edge sword. God helps those who help themselves and that is what we are doing. We are doing what we can to get through this difficult time and help our family through he financial difficulties and emotional swings here. As I once stated in my journal if I had to I would sit on a street corner with a sigh please help our son if that’s what it took but for now we have eBay And we will continue on with the auctions and posting pictures and keeping our friends updated. Thank you all for the beautiful emails and I will try to answer them all it may take awhile but I sure am trying ;) Thank you all again for all your support through the auctions and sending Haley back to school and keeping her there. There are many who sent boxes of clothes to sell and we thank you so much for this wow what a great family we have here. Oh and to answer another question before I go that we gotten several times. Dan’s dad lives in N.M. and has only seen the kids maybe three times in their lives and his mom lives in MO. And has seen them a few times but they are not like most grandparents they don’t ever send things for the kids or call them or bother with us. Strange people but no support there and my mom died 10 years ago and has never seen the kids and my dad is 90 and in a nursing home and ready to die himself. So no family support here just eBay friends who adopted us and that’s why we cant tell you enough what this all means to us, we are glad we found you all even if it’s though eBay we have family and friends :)
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