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Thursday, February 12, 2009 10:13 AM CST
The gift of a baby boy named Trenton Joel arrived at 12:25 p.m. 23 years ago....his parents and two siblings were thrilled with their new son and brother.....our family was complete and all was well....for the next 16 years..
Oh Trent....little did we know we would only get 19 years to treasure you here physically.... the tears flow and we miss you so much, however, the gift of you has not diminished with time--your place and completion in our family is as evident as the day you were born--we love you with and unending love....
~ Thanks for coming
Letter from Heaven~
To my dearest family, some things I'd like to say...
but first of all, to let you know, that I arrived okay.
I'm writing this from heaven. Here I dwell with God above.
Here, there's no more tears of sadness; here is just eternal love.
Please do not be unhappy just because I'm out of sight.
Remember that I'm with you every morning, noon and night.
That day I had to leave you when my life on earth was through, God picked me up and hugged me and He said, "I welcome you."
It's good to have you back again; you were missed while you were gone. As for your dearest family, they'll be here later on. I need you here badly; you're part of my plan.
There's so much that we have to do, to help our mortal man."
God gave me a list of things, that he wished for me to do.
And foremost on the list, was to watch and care for you.
And when you lie in bed at night, the day's chores put to flight. God and I are closest to you....in the middle of the night.
When you think of my life on earth, and all those loving years because you are only human, they are bound to bring you tears. But do not be afraid to cry; it does relieve the pain. Remember there would be no flowers, unless there was some rain.
I wish that I could tell you all that God has planned. But if I were to tell you, you wouldn't understand.
But one thing is for certain, though my life on earth is o'er. I'm closer to you now, than I ever was before.
There are many rocky roads ahead of you and many hills to climb; but together we can do it by taking one day at a time. It was always my philosophy and I'd like it for you too... that as you give unto the world, the world will give to you.
If you can help somebody who's in sorrow and pain, then you can say to God at night......"My day was not in vain." And now I am contented....that my life has been worthwhile, knowing as I passed along the way, I made somebody smile.
So if you meet somebody who is sad and feeling low, just lend a hand to pick him up, as on your way you go. When you're walking down the street, and you've got me on your mind; I'm walking in your footsteps only half a step behind.
And when it's time for you to go.... from that body to be free, remember you're not going.....you're coming here to me.
~Author~
Ruth Ann Mahaffey
©Copyright 1998
Sunday, April 6, 2008 10:32 PM CDT
peaceful, lonely, grateful, sad, resigned, comforted, hopeful, tearful, changing, purposeful, longing, supported, disbelief, cared for, blessed, missing, inspired, loved.... some of the feelings and emotions that come and go~~~within minutes on a day like today....
April 6th 2008~ 3 yrs. without T-Bone physically here....
Promised.....we will see him again.......in Eternity and for Eternity.... Thankful....
Danny, Joelle, Mindy. Calvin and Avery
Tuesday, February 12, 2008 9:39 PM CST
22 YEARS AGO TODAY A THIRD BLESSING WAS ADDED TO OUR FAMILY AND WE NAMED HIM TRENTON JOEL MINER, AKA T.J., T-BONE, BONES, T. WHAT JOY YOU BROUGHT TO US, YOUR FAMILY. HOW THANKFUL WE ARE TO GOD FOR ALLOWING US TO BE YOUR FAMILY HERE ON EARTH FOR 19 YEARS....BUT GREATER STILL, HOW THANKFUL WE ARE FOR THE KNOWLEDGE THAT BECAUSE WE KNOW THE SAVIOR, JESUS CHRIST...WE'LL ALSO BE YOUR FAMILY IN HEAVEN FOR ETERNITY THE MOMENT WE GET THERE TOO!
THIS WAS A HAPPY DAY 22 YEARS AGO AND IT STILL IS TODAY... HAPPY BIRTHDAY SON, BROTHER AND UNCLE TRENT
LOVE, DAD, MOM, MINDY, CALVIN, AVERY...
Tuesday, December 11, 2007 12:59 AM CST
A snowy day in Iowa. Stranded at home and my thoughts seem to drift back to 2003-2004 and our winter of uncertainty that was encased in overwhelming love and care.... Trent's senior year of high school; anticipation! fun! the long awaited senior year of basketball! 4:30 a.m. and daily round trips to Iowa City in his limousine~the awesome Trent-mobile, BB practice, school, friends, family, angels on earth, comraderie, shared struggles, shared prayers, ready-made meals in the freezer from friends, Trent always hoping for snow days! airplane trip to I.C., friends (Klise's Nevitt's Stouts)white-knuckling it to I.C. on bad roads, oversleeping and Bob Nevitt stumbling around in our house in the dark, Trent hoping for more snow days~ cause you know mom "seniors don't have to make them up!" Dad venturing out in sub-zero temps to turn on the electric blanket in the RV with cord strung to the garage to warm up Trent's bed, greeting and hugging our driver's each morning, X-box nightly in his "dorm room" bedroom including his next year's college refridgerator, freezies, mt. dew, candy, music, Avery, suprise gifts from friends, Pat's daily gifts in the Trent-mobile placed there by sister Mindy, watching the RV with it's glowing lights leave our neighborhood and seeing it return about 9:00 a.m. in daylight and welcoming Trent back, friends houses, their parents, siblings. Good will, good will, good will..... and while there was always a degree of worry there was also a peace that passed all understanding.... You all, God's children doing his work here on earth. I cannot yet believe, grasp or begin to understand the love we received during Trent's journey and after....
I will be honest, we are still in deep grief, missing our loving, smiling and always happy Trent. While we do carry on, trying to conceal our sadness, we do know we are healing by slow, small steps. We do so not only knowing Trent is very close to us (so many signs) but with God's promise that he prepared a place for Trent and He prepares one for each of us, and we will be with him once again when our brief lives are through. As I think of Trent so often each day it is not without memories, reflections and on-going gratitude of how blessed and honored we were to have been so supported by all of you. I am not only thankful to God for the gift of Trent and all he was to us, but that because of Trent we were allowed to experience in real-time what all of you are to us...I wish I could transfer magically all the names of the people who mean so much to us from my heart to this page.....it includes so, so many friends, family, acquaintances and those who are even unknown to us. What I wish you could know is that everytime we see or think of any of you, in our mind it is with a profound remembrance of what role God chose you for in our lives and Trent's. You can't possibly ever know what we carry with us from your love, kindness and care for us. My prayer on this snowy day in Iowa is that I can reach out to someone in need and pass the torch with it's warmth and love you all carried to us and add a measure of peace and good will to someone else's life....
God Bless my family, friends and CB family I couldn't make it without you!
Joelle
Sunday, August 5, 2007 10:20 PM CDT
Hello~~ anybody there? Probably not but I'm gonna update briefly anyway. Seems this site is a good way to document important occasions as we continue this life without our Trent.
Sunday August 12th, 2007 is the 2nd annual Trent Miner Memorial Parent/Child Golf Tournament at Perry Golf and Country Club. This is a fun family tournament to benefit Make A Wish, Caringbridge and Perry High School Scholarships in Trent's name. We are excited for the day. Above, Harris (left) and Zach (center) will be sharing in the day remembering their buddy....along with many other friends and family...
We will also be thinking about our beloved brother-in-law, uncle and friend Dr. Mike Brosnahan on the day of the tournament as it is 2nd yr. anniversary of Mike's death.
Both Trent and Mike will be with us in spirit and it will be a GOOD DAY.
I'll update after the tournament~if nothing else just for the record of the event. Someday this journal will help me remember what this time of navigating through grief and healing was all about.....
Peace, Joelle
Friday, April 6, 2007 9:00 AM CDT
So hard to believe two years ago at this time we said goodbye...
time... it is strange... how can it be long and short at the same time?
We remember you with love that has no time so whether it's long or short doesn't really matter...
Your family
Monday, January 1, 2007 3:50 PM CST
I was going to write a new journal entry; but before I got started I came across this letter on another CB website. There is not much more to say other than....it was meaningful to me and I wanted to get it posted.....today, the first of day of 2007. I hope you find meaning in it too: (by Harriet May Savitz)
Dear 2007:
I write this note to welcome you as my guest. I have been waiting for you. And I know you’ ve been waiting for me. It seemed you would never get here. Through this past year, during the difficult times, during the impossible times, during the unexpected and the tragic and the unbelievable times, I knew you would come. And rescue me. And reenergize me. And bring me good news.
But I must admit, I was impatient. I could barely wait another minute. For with you, I knew I could begin again. And even at 68, I had the need for a new beginning. It had been a difficult year. A draining year. A frightening year. And at times, a tragic year. And so I eagerly approached the end of it and thought, “It’s coming soon. 2007. Hold on. Don’t give up. Don’t lose faith in its arrival.”
You had a heavy responsibility when you knocked on my door, but I had no doubt you would come prepared. And I was right. The knapsack you were carrying was filled with the necessary supplies to get me going again. Hope. Determination. Grit. Awareness. Vigilance. Love. You came with more than enough for everyone.
Oh, how happy I was to see you. I fussed all day, getting ready for your appearance. Cleaned the house. Bought some food at the store. Invited friends in and visited others. Hour after hour, I looked at the clock. And as the time drew close for your entrance, I reflected on what we would do together. What I would do to make your visit worthwhile. After all, I didn’t want to bore you nor offend you nor waste the time you were offering me. As I grow older, I realize how valuable time can be.
I want you to know right up front that I will love every day you are here. I will love my family. Love my job. Love my country. Love my neighbors. Love every inch of this sweet world. I know how you feel about loving and I know you will be pleased to learn there will be plenty of it during your visit.
I will love every day you are here.
And I also know how you feel about gratitude. So I promise I will be grateful. For the freedoms I enjoy. For the friendships I value. For the promise that each new day holds and for the wonder of life. I will not forget to say, “Thank you,” while you are here, and I will not abuse the opportunities you set in motion.
You will not be disappointed in me, I promise. I will not waste the bounty you delivered. In fact, when you unpacked your bag, I was amazed that you had managed to carry so much with you. Could that all be for me? So many beckoning minutes to the day. So many promising hours to the week. So many tempting months to the year.
And there is another promise I intend to keep. I promise to use my creativity while you are on the premises. When I become bored or frustrated or face a brick wall, I will dip into my imagination and find a way around the obstacles that face me. I want your respect, and I know that I cannot have it if I fail to use the gifts you have so generously offered.
I will also reach out. Help others. Extend my horizons. Be unselfish. Try to stretch in new directions. Rather than close myself off, I will open my heart. Open it wide. Bring in new ideas, new viewpoints, new goals.
Am I overwhelming you, 2007. Forgive me. But my excitement spills over. I am like a child again, with everything appearing new. I look up at the sky and think I am seeing it for the first time and when the sun appears on this new day, and you are here at last, It feels like the first day of my life. So excuse me if I set off fireworks, and had a party, and laughed too loud and sang too loud and acted a bit silly when you entered the room and said, “Hello.” It is just the expression of joy you bring to me.
But I also want you to fully understand your hostess. I am not one to be trifled with nor abused. I have been tested again and again.. You might test me also, but beware... I become more determined, stronger, and I do not give up easily in the face of trial. I do not want you to think that because I am peaceful, I am weak. I do not want you to assume that because I am thoughtful, I am preoccupied. I don’t want you to think that you can take advantage of my good nature. If for any reason you betray my trusting soul, you will regret it. Why? Because you don’t control my destiny. I walk with God. He is the ruler of my days, not you. He helps me safeguard each moment and redeem each hour.
But your visit has just begun and there is no need to expect the bad when the good is so available. So...
Dear guest, I begin our time together asking for your understanding and your help. For during your stay, I will attempt to strengthen my weaknesses, lessen my insecurities and discard the doubts that prevent me from moving forward. You could help me move forward. Just believe I can do it. If you believe in me, so will I. And together, we will journey together, hand in hand with God who gives you to me and gives me life in your moments.
12 months, suddenly, does not seem enough time to do everything that must be done.
So let us get started. Right away.
I don’t want to waste a minute of you.
Thank you CB friends and family for traveling with us through 2006...you most suredly have made a difference in our lives. You told us the day Trent died you would be here for us...a promise that has been kept. Because of you we kept going, getting up, enjoying the beauty of every day of 2006 and all of God's creation. You have supported and carried us BEYOND MEASURE... to be prepared to embrace 2007. Because of you, we begin the year recognizing and carrying with us ADDITIONAL MEAURES OF........
excitement, good memories, empathy, comfort, love from..and for our friends and family, hope, tender moments, healing, gratitude, tears, awareness of God winks, joy, humble hearts, appreciation, purpose, prayer, anticipation, blessings, faith, strength, beauty, protection, courage, grace, laughter, loyalty, knowledge, poise, compassion, and lastly a heaping measure of our unwavering belief that our true homes are not of this earth but with the Almighty God, and our savior, Jesus Christ where every minute, every hr. we get closer to our own home-going and with that a homecoming in heaven with our sweet boy Trent to spend eternity with him in the presence of the Lord. May we use our time wisely and for God's glory...until our name is called......
WELCOME 2007.... May we appreciate our tremendous blessings of which you all are to us... to MAKE IT A GOOD ONE...
Wishing you all health and happiness in the new year.
Danny, Joelle, Mindy, Calvin and Avery with Angel Trent watching over us all!
Saturday, December 9, 2006 2:39 PM CST
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In memory of Trent
Hello T-Bone Caringbridge Family
Thank you dear ones who continue to support us. A beautiful Thanksgiving has come and gone. It was a sad day for me, the longing for all my kids to be here together enjoying eachother and their extended family and all the other friends who are home for the holiday..... but...there is always a but..... ~but I have so much to be thankful for and it is such a balancing ordeal of emotions. God has been faithful and kept us encouraged and strengthened by all of you. He threads you in and out of our lives when we are in our greatest need. How heart-warming to find messages still posted in the guestbook. Thank you to those who take the time to write a note. I know I visit quite a few websites very often and I am guilty of not stopping to leave a note. I, more than most visitors do know the value of the encouragement from still coming here and finding notes that testify that your loved one is still thought of. And yet regrettably I am not very good about posting to these precious families I follow. I must think that my thoughts and feelings osmose through the electronic world because I care so much about them but I don't get to their guestbook like I should. That is why I understand people just checking the site and not posting. That is really ok.....this T-Bone website is still an outlet for me to journal about Trent's journey which lives on in all of his family and friends.
I received a letter I wanted to share here It is from a good man that came into our life really only for brief moments but that we felt connected to. When we rolled into downtown Chicago in the RV for Trent's first evaluation, then twice more for treatment and then a final visit we had a delightful bellman named Torrey at the Days Inn on Diversy. He greeted us at the sidewalk and of course helped us to check-in, our rooms, parking the RV and retrieving it for us. He got us little extras that we needed; he had a caring humble spirit. You could tell he liked Trent and by the last time we came he saw Trent try to eat breakfast in their little kitchen only to vomit it in the closest thing (a sink), have trouble getting in and out of the RV, walking and needing a wheelchair to get to and from our room. Anyway, we just knew he was special guy and we also knew we probably wouldn't see him ever again. Several months after Trent died I called Days Inn and found out Torrey had gone to work for the City of Chicago but the kind mgr. Scott assured me that I could send a card to Torrey and he would get it to him. I sent Torrey Trent's funeral pamphlet, a T-Bone bracelet, a a beautiful broken shell, a T-Bone hat and a last "tip" to go out to eat a meal from T-Bone & family. Just needed to recognize Torrey for the love and care he showed the three of us when we arrived and left each time; scared, anxious, sad, sick, debilitated. I was very glad to know the mgr. did follow through and got my letter to Torrey. I pray that Torrey would not mind me sharing his letter.
Torrey's card had the following quote on the front:
You said to lean on Your arm, and I'm LEANING.
You said to trust in Your love, and I'm TRUSTING.
You said to call on Your name, and I'm CALLING.
I'm stepping out on Your word. ~ Maya Angelou
The inside print said "Know that you can always turn to God for strength and comfort and call on your friends for support. Signed: With Love, Torrey
His letter tucked in the card went like this:
10/5/06 9:16 p.m.
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Miner, First of all, I would like to thank you for writing me, and also the most generous monetary gift. When Scott called me and told me about you sending something, it made my day a much more wonderful day. It was really good to hear from you, though I was saddened by Trent's passing. However, I did watch you as you cared for him. You reminded me of my mother and father. You cared for Trent with all the love in the world. It's so hard to imagine that God's love surpasses that of what I witnessed. You also gave him his dignity, which means so much to a person. I always say that "I don't need you, when I don't need you~BUT!!, if you're there for me, when I do need you~that's when it counts, and that's when it means the world to me. You can rest assured that you were there for him when he needed you. I really do thank God if I was any kind of a blessing to you and Trent. As a matter of fact, Trent really blessed me, because he was the nicest person that I had ever met. There was something about him that, I guess made him too good for this world. One day I will see him again and get a chance to talk to him about everything. After all, the shortest part of any of our lives will be spent here on this earth, because eternity is just that. When I saw the Bible in your luggage, I knew that your hope went beyond this world, so I knew everything would be alright. My main goal in life is to be where Trent is, and hopefully to take lots of people with me. Once again, thank you so much for everything~I really appreciate it. An most of all I appreciate you! Thanks again!!! With Love, Torrey.
We had a similar gentleman by the name of Chris Martin who was Trent's transporter for radiation at Blank. He had a son about Trent's age and you could tell that he felt deeply for T-Bone as each day he moved him painfully from bed to cart and down elevators and blocks of hallway to radiation then back again and painfully back to bed. How careful and gentle he was. He and Janelle(Dolan)Teresa Mulder's daughter who transported Trent a day or two were so good to Trent. Chris has called a couple of times and just left us messages of "thinking about you guys". I was able to locate him and send him a similar gift of gratitude for the blessing he was to us during the last couple weeks of Trent's life. The last message Chris left on our recorder was special and one I can't erase.
I remember being in Iowa City for one of Trent's checkups. I had checked a book out of the Perry Library after watching the movie on TV "the 5 people you'll meet in heaven". It was sticking out the side pocket of my purse that I left with Trent while I was gone getting the car. A girl stopped by and said to Trent... "oh, whose reading that book?, that's a great book." When I got back Trent told me the conversation and then asked me what the book was about.... I explained to him it was about a man who gets to heaven and meets 5 people that he had a special effect on while on earth that he didn't know he had effected at all. I went on..."It's about the people we come into contact with in our life that we aren't going to know we had any impact on or significance in their lives until we get to heaven" I watched him for his response and I remember him looking like he was pondering and then said...thoughtfully... "oh that's cool"
Well, like Torrey said.... when he (Torrey) gets to heaven he's gonna have a chance to talk to him (Trent) about everything, bet that goes for Chris and a few others out there too, I think. Trent's sweet, gentle spirit was an drawing quality that I believe easily attracted people to him. It shined through to the end of his earthly days. I feel there have already been a couple of people that have left us after Trent that have, like Torrey said, already "told him everything" and likely Trent "told them everything" too!!
I believe one of the things I can do for Trent now is to speak of the gift of eternal life that he now enjoys. If Trent did have an impact on anyone that crossed his path I pray that they have already accepted the truth that Jesus Christ died for them and everyone. If you haven't I pray you would ponder that sacrifice for you of Jesus death on the cross. Maybe there was a reason Trent and his journey were woven into your life in anyway. Was it to see innocent joy in life as well as the reality of how short this life really is? and that that as Torrey said..... "eternity is just that..." From the time of diagnosis Trent knew God had a special purpose for him, we continue to see it day in and day out in our family. As I have said before... he got to heaven and eternity before those of us left missing him....but he'll be ready to "tell us everything" when we arrive.
May we all watch for the Blessings of the Torrey Barnes and Chris Martins in our lives. They can be at the grocery counter, flower shop, beauty shop, street corner or maybe the bellman or the transporter. Could even be people reading from a young man's CB site nick-named T-Bone that you've never even met. And yep, Trent, you were so right... "it is cool".
To start the movie from the beginning, press F5 or click the Refresh page button.
As always.....thanks for stopping by and reading my ramblings... there is never a doubt Trent would say....
Thanks for coming!
Love Joelle and family
Sunday, September 10, 2006 7:10 PM CDT
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KCCI video of interview 11/28/07:
http://www.kcci.com/video/10422075/index.html
Danny & I were called and asked if we would be interviewed about Caringbridge websites and what they mean to families, even after the loved one is gone. What an privilege and opportunity to get to rave and show gratitude about this wonderful free organization! The whole subject came up because of a bright beautiful young girl named Erika Schwager who had a CB website while she lay comatose for 5 days in a Dsm. hospital. Her family shared from their hearts what was happening and ultimately of her home-going and their assurance of Erika's arrival with Jesus. They wrote and ask... "Quietly and humbly rejoice with us for Erika's new freedom and entrance into heaven". What faith...what courage... (below is her website)
www.caringbridge.org/visit/erikaschwager | View Show | Create Your Own
Thanks to you sweet people who wrote personal emails of encouragement and support or posted a note here. It is difficult to write a year and a half after Trent left us because what I want to write about is my pain. I have so much to be thankful for, so many blessings and my heart is truly full of gratitude but when I come here to write, I want to write about the sadness I feel. But on the other hand, it seems selfish of me to mope around here with my grief and unload on friends or family who read here. I think this is a place my grief can get out. I guess it's anyone's option to never come here and read again if I am depressing. Anyone who has suffered a loss knows that you do continue living, that grief changes, time helps...and for brief times life can even feel normal. Our pastor described this morning something about the phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder". What he had read and described was "no it really doesn't always". If it is something you didn't really care about you aren't going to miss it when it's gone. But likewise, if you cared deeply about it to start with the absence is going to make the heart grow fonder. If we didn't care and love Trent so much we wouldn't be still hurting so very much. Trent's absence has changed alittle for me; I can see that my thoughts about missing Trent are not quite as raw and fragile. However, memories are triggered every bit as frequent; but because we are 1 1/2 yr. out I try to suppress them and move past them. I am actually thankful for the friends who while visting with me about Trent brought me to tears...... it feels good to cry about missing him again.
"Even if our tears are for ourselves, for our ache of loneliness, for our pain of loss, they are....sacred, for they are tears of love. ~Jack Stern, Jr.
Anywhere there are gatherings of kids of Trent's age, Okoboji, a mall, ISU football games I see young men who remind me of him and make me "look for him" in the crowds. I search the tall lanky guys, especially with a hat turned backwards for a glimpse of what it felt like to actually see him. A song, a place, a pair of shoes; sometimes it's like repeated punches in my gut and someone saying over and over....remember this, remember that... remember he's not here. I know as of yet, I could not begin to look at pictures or movies of Trent when he was a baby or growing up. I wonder when I'll be able to do that and smile and love and enjoy them.
There are reminders and signs of Trent in our everyday life that do bring comfort. Avery continues to glow with a smile that is indescribeable when she talks about her Uncle Trent. However, she cried at bedtime the other night stating... "I miss my Uncle Trent... he left and he didn't even take his trophies with him" Over the time he's been gone she has described several visions of Trent. She asked her mom if Trent could fly now? She went on to describe what she called a "dream" where Trent was taking people by the hand to heaven. A couple of days later I asked her who she saw Trent taking to heaven...the answer was the name of a lady who Avery could not have possibly known had suddenly become very critically ill, near death. When she told her mom about the "dream" she had not said who Trent was taking. When I asked her who Trent was taking and she told me the name I later found out she had indeed died. Hmmm...
To Avery's delight her Uncle Calvin has been home more often and she really knows how to tease back and forth with him. She loves to hang with him and never stops talking when they are together. He is patient with her and a he's a good 'ol Uncle to her; they are building their own special relationship. Avery's gonna have a collection of T-shirts from all his travels..he never forgets to bring her one. Trent's good friend Zach came by before he left for college. We all enjoy his visits and Avery just can't get enough of him. Mindy achieved her LPN and worked at the nsg. home all summer. She will finish in Dec. with her RN~we are so proud of her! I very much enjoy my work. I just had my 2 yr. anniv. and I still am in awe of the wonderful compassionate work family God provided for me there.
Last April we had the dove release at the country club. I will scan some pictures and post them soon. Anyway, Pastor Charles did a wonderful tribute~"Trent~1 year". I'll give a few excerpts of his notes. They were comforting to us and others told me to them as well. I picture Trent's heavenly spirit often but hearing Pastor Charles speak of it brings a peace and joy to my heart.
"According to scripture, Trent is alive and well. If we would see him now we would see a person so spectacular that we would want to worship him......but he wouldn't let us. When Paul wrote that this 'mortal must put on immortality' he was explaining the purpose and meaning of life. Our view of death is transformed when we really understand that life on earth is ALWAYS SHORT-LIVED, while LIFE AFTER THIS IS FOREVER" Pastor Charles went on to say "God had a very definite plan for Trent's life and that plan continues even today with those who have been touched by his life. I hope each of you welcome God's plan for your life as influenced by Trent's life"
"The doves are a wonderful symbol from the bible expressing in visible form what is real but not visible by the naked eye~The Spirit of God in the Trinity receiving Trent's spirit and welcoming Him to heaven and the full substance of Trent's spirit leaving this earth to his HOME in heaven"
We released three doves; representing the Father, Son and Holy Spirit. Then we released the last one to represent Trent. They were beautiful as they lifted, circled and then flew away. Charles went on to say "Psalm 55:6 "Oh that I had wings of a dove! For then I would fly away and be at rest; Trent had wings"
So, yes Avery... Trent can fly...
About 5 mo. later Danny was followed around the golf course as he worked one morning from one hole to the next by a white dove. He has never in the 24 years he has worked there seen a white dove~~let alone walk up to one on the bridge within a few feet of it. Don't get me wrong we don't believe Trent is the dove... we just believe that we are allowed signs (there have been many) to remind us of Trent's spirit from time to time; what a comfort and peace it brings!
Those who have been ransomed by the Lord will return to Jerusalem, singing songs of everlasting joy. Sorrow and mourning will disappear, and they will be overcome with joy and gladness." Isaiah 35:10
The following paragraph from a book I read describes so well our world without Trent and where our Belief and Hope are anchored.
"We miss our son. Every day that passes reminds us of what he might have been, or what he could have done. Our disappointment in not sharing his life, however, is overshadowed by the promises of God's Word. To become more like Christ has become our singular desire until the day of our reunion with our son in Heaven. On that day we will fall down and worship the Lord together with him--forever. What a glorious hope that is! What a glorious hope every parent should have after the death of a young child. The hope of Heaven is truly glorious hope!"
....from "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur.
Trent's spirit is a part of yesterday's influence, today's memories and tomorrow's reunion! Oh, The Hope of Heaven!
Thanks for Coming....
Joelle
Sunday, September 3, 2006 7:14 PM CDT
If you have clicked on this website I am very, very surprised!! I can't begin to write "hello caringbridge friends" because who would still be checking here? A friend (Kirk-O) of Trent's told me he still checks this site once a week. Another friend (Larry M.) asked me to post a picture of the headstone. Huh? Really? That made me feel guilty that I have not updated with anything! I know that my lack of journaling has inhibited my journey of healing. I have stuffed my sad feelings in. This journal was such an avenue for letting them out. While I can have very happy times/events with my precious family and friends as wekk as many things to look forward to the pain of missing Trent is still very deep. Having the stone here that Mindy, Calvin and Danny and I thought about and worked on over the last year delivered has been good and bad. It feels good to have a permanent memory of Trent's life in place but it also has such a final and glaring reminder that he is gone.
I am still reading some good books. Now that I have a new picture on and have found my avenue for therapy again I am going to do a little catch up. I'll write more later.... there I go again... who am I telling that to? I guess I'm promising that to myself!
Love Joelle
Sunday, April 16, 2006 9:02 AM CDT
Happy Blessed Easter to our CB family~
Oh that the bowed head might be lifted, that the eyes might be opened to behold Him, that the ears might listen to His voice! "Go quickly, and tell His disciples that He is risen." Bid them look not to Joseph's new tomb, that was closed with a great stone, and sealed with the Roman seal. Christ is not there. Look not to the empty sepulcher. Mourn not as those who are hopeless and helpless. Jesus lives, and because He lives, we shall live also. From grateful hearts, from lips touched with holy fire, let the glad song ring out, Christ is risen! He lives to make intercession for us. Grasp this hope, and it will hold the soul like a sure, tried anchor. Believe, and thou shalt see the glory of God.
Believe~
Joelle & Family
Saturday, April 8, 2006 4:32 PM CDT
An open invitation to all of our CB family
Sunday, April 9th (tomorrow) we are having a symbolic release of doves in honor of Trent's homegoing birthday April 6th. Please join us at the Perry Golf and Country Club at 5:00 p.m. We will have cake and coffee for Trent's heaven birthday April 6, Danny's birthday (that day) April 9th and Calvin's birthday April 11th. We would be honored with your presence.
Peace,
Joelle
*****Note, I updated the photo album with new pictures*****
Monday, April 3, 2006 2:54 AM CDT
Galations 6:2 ~Share eachothers troubles and problems and so obey our Lord's command
Hello to all family and friends~
Last week I sat down and typed some thoughts about where we have been, where we are and the unwritten future of where we are going since Trent died a year ago. It all came together easily and I felt I was able to convey my thoughts just how I wanted to. The reason it came so easy was my thoughts were so centered on each of you who continue to read here and so many others that are in our community of support that don't have access to this site. After posting it I went back to update the style of the page and edit a typo or two and I inadvertently saved out a blank journal. I was frustrated to say the least and I waited until Monday to hear back from CB if their server had a record of the initial entry. Well, they didn't, it was lost. Honestly, my writing serves such a tremendous purpose in helping me to work through emotions I just didn't think I could write it again and I was a bit stumped on how I could describe my feelings again. It wasn't that I wasn't up to it emotionally; it was more that I had shed those tears. and the words had been committed back to my heart. After a busy week and weekend I feel that even feeling a bit lost on my thoughts I had such a need and desire to try and get the message back and in print to you.
I have found that some buried memories of a year ago have come back to me in full color, with senso-round sound. I have reminders and thoughts of Trent hundreds of times a day, that's not unusual; it's the particulars of the last two months of Trent's life and how blessed Trent and our family were that all of you rallied around us, took care of us and continue to support and help us learn to live here without Trent that are filling me. I had read the book Tuesdays with Maury probably a year before Trent died. While I had hoped that Maury would proclaim a belief in Jesus Christ with a faith that was steering him, that was never clearly addressed, he only made references to talking to "the man upstairs". His intent was to document his dying to show more of us how to live. Since I had watched the compelling interviews on Nightline documenting Maury's dealing with a terminal illness I wanted to read the book. The book was ok, but I think I read it with a certain amount of filtering as I really didn't want to think about dealing with death; not surprising since I had a son with a malignant brain tumor. A few months ago Calvin was heading home from Colorado, late afternoon and went to a bookstore and for some reason bought the book Tuesday's with Maury on CD for the trip home. A couple of weeks ago I decided to turn off the jib/jab of radio on my morning commute (well, except for KDLS news) and listen to Tuesdays with Maury. I listened with very different ears this time. I am a different person now than I was the first time I heard Maury's story. As he neared the end of his life, Maury's former student doing the narrating and interviewing asks him what he would really like to say to all of us......Maury's answer.... "take care of eachother" "be responsible for eachother" "love eachother".....how that resonated with me. Unless, or until you have walked a path and journey such as Trent's and his family and experienced being taken care of, feeling loved and cared for so completely as we were, you might just hear Maury's words as clichés. As Maury described his deteriorating condition and increasing dependency on others he wove in the beauty, his delight of the care, the touch, the love of so many he was receiving. I was driving hard back to some video moments with Trent, Danny, Mindy, Calvin and Avery as we were being "taken care of." With the sensoround speakers on and the high definition quality, many priceless, precious, sometimes painful moments began to play.
Have you ever been thanked for something you did a long time before that you had totally forgot? Well when you are the recipient of an act of caring and love it gets placed in your heart and can comfort you over and over again. It's like having the remote control and I am clicking through memories from my heart to my mind from a year ago. I hope you all understand I can't name everyone that has a tender place in my heart but if I can jump along with me through some days/channels particularly of the last couple weeks of Trent's life you'll see the harsh reality of the loss gets lost in the warmth of remembering how God used you in our valley............in haphazard style.....here are a few.....
The prayer services on Sunday nights at our church, which by the way are taped so when I am strong enough I'll watch them, Pearsons visiting, Trent's friends lining the hallways of Blank, Deheer's bringing the spring training program to Trent, signed by Matt Roth, the BV shirt, the Wartburg shirt, the Easter basket delivered to Avery and Trent, the calls by sister Joyce to line up sitters, the meals lined up for Trent and us at the hospital. Uncle Mike carefully brushing Trent's teeth when he couldn't himself, to make him feel better and then suctioning him when he would choke on a sip of water, Pat's enchilada, Kay's timely visit & facilitating needed care, Shirley, Joyce, Mark, Bill taking charge during the reaction to the medication for hours. Darlene & Stephanie a teddy bear from Camilla, a sports book, Kris with lasagna and the fixins, Uncle Mark carrying Trent to the RV and staying days at the hosp. jumping and running every time Trent would say "I gotta go....right now". Floor pacers, Nate making a round trip to Dsm. to bring Calvin at midnight. Dar, Kathy walking Avery around the halls, over and over again to see the fish and anything to keep her occupied, David, Janelle, Tracy, Cherlyn, Cynthia, Jill, Joyce, Judy, Pat taking time from their work and families to tenderly take care of Trent. Did I mention food?? My hotline to my oncology nurse guru Ann H and immediate consults with Andy and Doc. Michael keeping watch all night long, eyes locked on Trent's face, waiting for any sign of a need, tending his catheter that would kink, Shirley's backrubs for relaxation, ice packs for pain, warm blankets for warmth, Cherlyn's neckrub for intense pain. New tennis shoes brought for me. Everyone would work so hard to help make him comfortable when sometimes even a crease in the sheet against his painful spine would make him uncomfortable. Sister Mindy and Brother Calvin staying by his bed, comforting him, calming him, loving him. More food. Libby stopping by and running errands for us. Eyes that watched him almost continuously and people who literally couldn't wait for him to need something so they could help him. "Dr. Joelle", Cousin Alex bringing him the "stories of P town.” At home, an old TV out, the gift of a new TV in and a hosp. bed setup all in one night, Grandma Helen by his bed holding his hand all day. Liz and Katie coming. A visit and poem of "what cancer cannot do" from Jenny. Carolyn and Dick taking me outside to eat, talk and realize that the winter was gone and spring was here, Jim's visit and the gift of a special watch. Flowers, balloons, snacks, Jon & Kim and the mowing story, the RV to sleep in while others kept watch. The creative system Cynthia and Tracy worked out marking the clock on the wall with a marker so we would give Trent the morphine as soon as he could have it~every 10 minutes, sitting at the table by Trent's room with friends & family and looking at the view of the church across the freeway with the big white cross, the cards, emails, gifts like the one from Mary and family, Vernie's Easter treats, the special delivery with a meal from Larry of a bag of MM's for me, Jack, Chad and Clinton, the long talks with Pastor Compton, the feeling that so many were sacrificing so much to help us cope and stay the course. The meal from Barb C and Angel, Bob and Barb, Rick and Lorrie, the visits from my work family at IFMC Joyce, Nancy, LeAnn and Shannon, the offers of housing, showers or just "get away" time from anyone who lived close to the hospital. Grandpa, Jeff and cousin Nick. Tearful hugs with Maggie. Merilee & Judy. The spouses like Andy, Doug, Pete and Dean who kept the home front going while sitters stayed the night and then came home exhausted. So many meals, so many friends, so much caring. Some wonderful nurses/doctors/staff at Blank. Larry, Shirley and Karen. A welcome visit from Kurt & Julie as soon as they were back from vacation, visit from Licktieg's, Sherri L, an unbelievable fast built wheelchair ramp at our home, Denise & Butch, Dar & Kathy organizing wonderful volunteers to help get the course ready, good friends, Ben, Alec, Nic S., Kelsey, Nick L., Kate, Harris, Kirk, Breck, Kelly, Zach, more meals, Chris M., Cousin David as ButtBoy with doughnuts for all, Katie and Dave, Christie's beautiful pictures, our coveted CB guestbook entries, Coach Mick and Wendy, Coach Truesdell and Sara and a great DVD, Monica, Grandma Mertz, Drew and Cole visiting but things being difficult for Trent and asking them not to go in. Telling Trent later about their visit and his being mad that after they drove down there it wasn’t nice of me to not let them in. Of course he had no recollection of the issues that prompted the decision. Beautiful hand movements. Playing BB with Alec during a medication event. Trent’s gratitude and un-ending thank-yous, in-spite of losing every bit of privacy with his body in the presence of his family care-givers. His determination to work hard at his own functions/cares with the least amount of assistance possible. His sense of humor staying intact throughout. His constant need to have his cell phone always in hand even when he was sleeping, so he could keep in touch with his friends and then telling me when I was frustrated over internet issues and inability to get the CB site that I was addicted to the computer!! Trent watching the final BB games. Protective family. Within loving capable hands, watchful eyes, Danny & I retreating to the Blank room upstairs to sleep, being glad it was a single bed to hold eachother and stay close and cry ourselves to some much needed sleep, to shower, to be mad, to sort out our confused fatigued minds and to pray. I am only remembering these as I sit here typing on Trent's laptop late tonight. If I would go get the list recording every name and deed I would be here until next week. Seeing a name is all it would take to remember what you said or did for us. It would flood me with more specifics, more emotions, more gratitude. I am remembering Trent but as I said that is nothing new. It is all of you and what you did for him and us that occupies my thoughts right now. I suspect as the 6th gets here I might transition to a different set of feelings. I only know that Maury's biggest message to me the listener was already known to me. He just turned on the HD and the sensoround in the movie playing in my head. You all took care of us, took responsibility for us and we are eternally grateful for every moment. The only repayment we can make is to attempt to do the same for those people God places in our lives when they have trials, sorrows or losses. You all have raised the bar very high in fulfilling God's purpose, it is a jump we will practice the rest of our lives.
When I think about what we have lost I naturally grieve with my whole heart and soul. But when I think how God put you all in our lives to fulfill one of his highest callings to love one another~to take care of eachother, I rejoice and stand in wonder at how you have helped carry us and our emotional agony. God chose us for this path but He knew we would never go it alone. He would give us Himself and the most wonderful support system a family could get to claim~all of you! One of the writers in "when I lay my Isaac down" states that we find out how desperately we need people when we have the kind of experience like losing a child. She refers to our community of helpers as the "holders". Her description of a holder is "the people that stand beside us when things are unpleasant; they have the capacity to stay unshaken for the long haul" The book also refers to our support system as stretcher bearers. Carrying someone in need. It is impossible for one person to carry a stretcher. Each of you did something as a team to carry us. Some were prayer warriors, some were runners, some were private nurses, others simply shared our pain. This journey started 4 years ago and that is when you guys became our "holders" and "stretcher bearers" and you have not rested yet; you have been unshaken for the long haul.
I know I have hit and miss on people, places and things that were done for us last year. I apologize for not mentioning everyone by name but know you are imprinted in our heart. I wish I could write your names in the stars for all to see who the precious people in our community of support are but I also know none of you did any of it for recognition. God knows your hearts and saw your love and He knew Trent's life had accomplished a great community of support. The video is running, I'll pause it for now, but the play button is ready as I think through a year ago. I guess you can see that sharing my grief and memories publicly is healing for me. You probably get lost in my cabobbled (?sp) writing but I would bet you get the jest of this journal entry....
IN TIME WE CAN ACCEPT A GREAT LOSS IF WE HAVE SOMEBODY LOVING US THROUGH IT. GOD SENDS FRIENDS AND COMPANIONS TO LOVE AND SUPPORT US ~Robert Schuller
This very moment, I am thanking God for sending you.....
Joelle & family
Monday, April 3, 2006 2:54 AM CDT
Galations 6:2 ~Share eachothers troubles and problems and so obey our Lord's command
Hello to all family and friends~
Last week I sat down and typed some thoughts about where we have been, where we are and the unwritten future of where we are going since Trent died a year ago. It all came together easily and I felt I was able to convey my thoughts just how I wanted to. The reason it came so easy was my thoughts were so centered on each of you who continue to read here and so many others that are in our community of support that don't have access to this site. After posting it I went back to update the style of the page and edit a typo or two and I inadvertently saved out a blank journal. I was frustrated to say the least and I waited until Monday to hear back from CB if their server had a record of the initial entry. Well, they didn't, it was lost. Honestly, my writing serves such a tremendous purpose in helping me to work through emotions I just didn't think I could write it again and I was a bit stumped on how I could describe my feelings again. It wasn't that I wasn't up to it emotionally; it was more that I had shed those tears. and the words had been comitted back to my heart. After a busy week and weekend I feel that even feeling a bit lost on my thoughts I had such a need and desire to try and get the message back and in print to you.
I have found that some buried memories of a year ago have come back to me in full color, with senso-round sound. I have reminders and thoughts of Trent hundreds of times a day, that's not unusual; it's the particulars of the last two months of Trent's life and how blessed Trent and our family were that all of you rallied around us, took care of us and continue to support and help us learn to live here without Trent that are filling me. I had read the book Tuesdays with Maury probably a year before Trent died. While I had hoped that Maury would proclaim a belief in Jesus Christ with a faith that was steering him, that was never clearly addressed, he only made references to talking to "the man upstairs". His intent was to document his dying to show more of us how to live. Since I had watched the compelling interviews on Nightline documenting Maury's dealing with a terminal illness I wanted to read the book. The book was ok, but I think I read it with a certain amount of filtering as I really didn't want to think about dealing with death; not suprising since I had a son with a malignant brain tumor. A few months ago Calvin was heading home from Colorado, late afternoon and went to a bookstore and for some reason bought the book Tuesday's with Maury on CD for the trip home. A couple of weeks ago I decided to turn off the jib/jab of radio on my morning comute (well, except for KDLS news) and listen to Tuesdays with Maury. I listened with very different ears this time. I am a different person now than I was the first time I heard Maury's story. As he neared the end of his life, Maury's former student doing the narrating and interviewing asks him what he would really like to say to all of us......Maury's answer.... "take care of eachother" "be responsible for eachother" "love eachother".....how that resonated with me. Unless, or until you have walked a path and journey such as Trent's and his family and experienced being taken care of, feeling loved and cared for so completely as we were, you might just hear Maury's words as cliches. As Maury described his deteriorating condition and increasing dependency on others he wove in the beauty, his delight of the care, the touch, the love of so many he was receiving. I was driving hard back to some video moments with Trent, Danny, Mindy, Calvin and Avery as we were being "taken care of." With the sensoround speakers on and the high definition quality, many priceless, precious, sometimes painful moments began to play.
Have you ever been thanked for something you did a long time before that you had totally forgot? Well when you are the recipient of an act of caring and love it gets placed in your heart and can comfort you over and over again. It's like having the remote control and I am clicking through memories from my heart to my mind from a year ago. I hope you all understand I can't name everyone that has a tender place in my heart but if I can jump along with me through some days/channels particularly of the last couple weeks of Trent's life you'll see the harsh reality of the loss gets lost in the warmth of remembering how God used you in our valley............in haphazard style.....here are a few.....
The prayer services on Sunday nights at our church, which by the way are taped so when I am strong enough I'll watch them, Pearsons visiting, Trent's friends lining the hallways of Blank, Deheer's bringing the spring training program to Trent, signed by Matt Roth, the BV shirt, the Wartburg shirt, the Easter basket delivered to Avery and Trent, the calls by sister Joyce to line up sitters, the meals lined up for Trent and us at the hospital. Uncle Mike carefully brushing Trent's teeth when he couldn't himself, to make him feel better and then suctioning him when he would choke on a sip of water, Pat's enchilada, Kay's timely visit & facilitating needed care, Shirley, Joyce, Mark, Bill taking charge during the reaction to the medication for hours. Darlene & Stephanie a teddy bear, a sports book, Kris with lasagna and the fixins, Uncle Mark carrying Trent to the RV and staying days at the hosp. jumping and running every time Trent would say "I gotta go....right now". Floor pacers, Nate making a round trip to Dsm. to bring Calvin at midnight. Dar, Kathy walking Avery around the halls, over and over again to see the fish and anything to keep her occupied, David, Janelle, Tracy, Cherlyn, Cynthia, Jill, Joyce, Judy, Pat taking time from their work and families to tenderly take care of Trent. Did I mention food?? Michael keeping watch all night long, eyes locked on Trent's face, waiting for any sign of a need, tending his catheter that would kink, Shirley's backrubs for relaxation, ice packs for pain, warm blankets for warmth, Cherlyn's neckrub for intense pain. New tennis shoes brought for me. Everyone would work so hard to help make him comfortable when sometimes even a crease in the sheet against his painful spine would make him uncomfortable. Sister Mindy and Brother Calvin staying by his bed, comforting him, calming him, loving him. More food. Libby stopping by and running errands for us. Eyes that watched him almost continuously and people who literally couldn't wait for him to need something so they could help him. "Dr. Joelle", Cousin Alex bringing him the "stories of P town". An old TV out, the gift of a new TV in and a hosp. bed setup all in one night, Grandma Helen by his bed holding his hand all day. Liz and Katie coming. A visit and poem of "what cancer cannot do" from Jenny. Carolyn and Dick taking me outside to eat, talk and realize that the winter was gone and spring was here, Jim's visit and the gift of a special watch. Flowers, balloons, snacks, Jon & Kim and the mowing story, the RV to sleep in while others kept watch. The creative system Cynthia and Tracy worked out marking the clock on the wall with a marker so we would give Trent the morphine as soon as he could have it~every 10 minutes, sitting at the table by Trent's room with friends & family and looking at the view of the church across the freeway with the big white cross, the cards, emails, gifts like the one from Mary and family, Vernie's Easter treats, the special delivery with a meal from Larry of a bag of MM's for me, Jack, Chad and Clinton, the long talks with Pastor Compton, the feeling that so many were sacrificing so much to help us cope and stay the course. The meal from Barb C and Angel, the visits from my work family at IFMC, the offers of housing, showers or just "get away" time from anyone who lived close to the hospital. The spouses who kept the home front going while sitters stayed the night and then came home exhausted. So many meals, so many friends, so much caring. A welcome visit from Kurt & Julile as soon as they were back from vacation, visit from Licktieg's, an unbelieveable fast built wheelchair ramp at our home, Denise & Butch, Dar & Kathy organizing wonderful volunteers to help get the course ready, good friends, Ben, Alec, Nic S., Nick L., Kate, Harris, Kirk, Breck, Kelly, Zach, more meals, Cousin David as ButtBoy with doughnuts for all, Katie and Dave, Christie's beautiful pictures, Coach Mick and Wendy, Coach Truesdal and Sara and a great DVD. I am only remembering these as I sit here typing on Trent's laptop at midnight now. If I would go get the list recording every name and deed I would be here until next week. Seeing a name is all it would take to remember what you said or did for us. It would flood me with more specifics, more emotions, more gratitude. I am remembering Trent but as I said that is nothing new. It is all of you and what you did for him and us that occupies my thoughts right now. I suspect as the 6th gets here I might transition to a different set of feelings. I only know that Maury's biggest message to me the listener was already known to me. He just turned on the HD and the sensoround in the movie playing in my head. You all took care of us, took responsibility for us and we are eternally grateful for every moment. The only repayment we can make is to attempt to do the same for those people God places in our lives when they have trials, sorrows or losses. You all have raised the bar very high in fulfilling God's purpose, it is a jump we will practice the rest of our lives.
When I think about what we have lost I naturally grieve with my whole heart and soul. But when I think how God put you all in our lives to fulfill one of his highest callings to love one another~to take care of eachother, I rejoice and stand in wonder at how you have helped carry us and our emotional agony. God chose us for this path but He knew we would never go it alone. He would give us Himself and the most wonderful support system a family could get to claim~all of you! One of the writers in "when I lay my Isaac down" states that we find out how desperately we need people when we have the kind of experience like losing a child. She refers to our community of helpers as the "holders". Her description of a holder is "the people that stand beside us when things are unpleasant; they have the capacity to stay unshaken for the long haul" The book also refers to our support system as stretcher bearers. Carrying someone in need. It is impossible for one person to carry a stretcher. Each of you did something as a team to carry us. Some were prayer warriors, some were runners, some were private nurses, others simply shared our pain. This journey started 4 years ago and that is when you guys became our "holders" and "stretcher bearers" and you have not rested yet; you have been unshaken for the long haul.
I know I have hit and miss on people, places and things that were done for us last year. I apologize for not mentioning everyone by name but know you are imprinted in our heart. I wish I could write your names in the stars for all to see who the precious people in our community of support are but I also know none of you did any of it for recognition. God knows your hearts and saw your love and He knew Trent's life had accomplished a great community of support. The video is running, I'll pause it for now, but the play button is ready as I think through a year ago. I guess you can see that sharing my grief and memories publicly is healing for me. You probably get lost in my cabobbled (?sp) writing but I would bet you get the jest of this journal entry....
IN TIME WE CAN ACCEPT A GREAT LOSS IF WE HAVE SOMEBODY LOVING US THROUGH IT. GOD SENDS FRIENDS AND COMPANIONS TO LOVE AND SUPPORT US ~Robert Schuller
This very moment, I am thanking God for sending you.....
Joelle & family
Saturday, March 25, 2006 6:30 PM CST
Well, I had a journal entry at 1:00 p.m. today and I went to edit it and the CB site was not responding. I accidentally deleted it. This frustrates me but I have better things to worry about!! I will see if they can retrieve it or write again soon. Love Joelle
Saturday, March 25, 2006 1:09 PM CST
Thursday, March 23, 2006 5:59 PM CST
Hi friends and family~
Thank you for continuing to care for us. A year ago today we admitted Trent to Blank. Little did we know that in two weeks we would move him to Hospice for 1 day, and then release him "home" to God, plan his funeral and begin a new journey and life without our T-Bone's physical body here and his beautiful spirit. So many thoughts and emotions surround this time. I am trying to let them in, feel them and move through them and onto living where we are as a family. Admittedly, I am sad.... lonesome for Trent and bewildered, wondering how a year could have passed. Emotionally I need to write on here and really walk through these next two weeks. I hope I can muster the strength to take jumbled thoughts/emotions and put them to words. I know that would be draining and tearful; yet very healing for me. Love to all of you.
Joelle
Sunday, February 12, 2006 9:23 AM CST
I really just wanted Trent's picture on here for his birthday so I am writing a short note so my last journal entry will go to the history page. It has been an emotional time for me the last few days leading up to Trent's birthday. So many emotions about how we spent it last year and now looking back it was what we were fearing~a downhill course. We just didn't have any idea how fast it was gonna be. I really wasn't prepared for his birthday to make me so sad, but nothing about grieving has an agenda or a way to prepare. Today we will gather some familiy and friends at the cemetary and launch some balloons in his honor. Thank you for the bouquet of flowers friends and sister, supper out to friends house last night, hugs and shed tears with co-workers and others. A couple that are near and dear to us gave us a plaque for Christmas that we have all heard and seen, but I am sure experience to different degrees. We have again and again experienced what it says~
"Friends are angles who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"
Thank you to our friends for being our angels, who lift us over and over again.
~Miners
Sunday, January 29, 2006 2:31 PM CST
Hi caringbridge family!
Please help me in supporting one of our other caringbridge families......the DeHeer's (see the link I have at the bottom of Trent's page) as they begin a new dimension of their journey. An awesome young man, Tyler has left us for his eternal home! As Mindy said.....Trent has a new buddy in heaven! When a cure is not to be.... and all the treatments and options are gone for our children and their tired ravaged bodies are done fighting there is a tendancy to feel the HOPE is gone. I have found that not only is your child's and family's journey not over, thank the Lord our HOPE is not either!
I am working on an update to my journal but I have not gotten it together. God has placed a visual in my mind and one in my yard of an anchor and I want to expound on that. It seems if something keeps coming to me it must have purpose and need to be pondered. If I write about it seems to "anchor" it in my life. But until I can get it done.....I want to share a wonderful message (see below) about HOPE. It came to me from a mom who had to learn to livestrong while her son (Nate a friend of Calvin's) was on duty in Iraq. We are thankful he and another friend Adam are safely back. This mom, Susan Adair continues to support and encourage our family with emails and posts not unlike so many of you. I must admit at times I would question... is my HOPE real or do I just live in denial and fake it?? After reading this message, the answer was a comfort to my soul....YES, I MOST CERTAINLY HAVE HOPE. Actually, after reading this I feel God not only sustained my HOPE but put a magnifying glass in front of my eyes....these visuals of God's HOPE in my life are more brillant, pure, valued, cherished, and magnificent. I thank Trent for what he endured and what his short life ultimately brought to me and our family through you and God's love. It has allowed us to see HOPE in such a greater and beautiful way.
My prayer is that everyone who reads this can almost FEEL HOPE embracing their soul. What an awesome word....HOPE!
The author is anonymous....
If you can look at the sunset and smile, then you still have hope.
If you can find beauty in the colors of a small flower, then you still have hope.
If you can find pleasure in the movement of a butterfly, then you still have hope.
If the smile of a child can still warm your heart, then you still have hope.
If you can see the good in other people, then you still have hope.
If the rain breaking on a roof top can still lull you to sleep, then you still have hope.
If the sight of a rainbow still makes you stop and stare in wonder, then you still have hope.
If the soft fur of a favored pet still feels pleasant under your fingertips, then you still have hope.
If you meet new people with a trace of excitement and optimism, then you still have hope.
If you give people the benefit of a doubt, then you still have hope.
If you still offer your hand in friendship to others that have touched your life, then you still have hope.
If receiving an unexpected card or letter still brings a pleasant surprise, then you still have hope.
If the suffering of others still fills you with pain and frustration, then you still have hope.
If you refuse to let a friendship die, or accept that it must end, then you still have hope.
If you look forward to a time or place of quiet and reflection, then you still have hope.
If you still buy the ornaments, put up the Christmas tree or cook the turkey, then you still have hope.
If you still watch love stories or want the endings to be happy, then you still have hope.
If you can look to the past and smile, then you still have hope.
If, when faced with the bad, when told everything is futile, you can still look up and end the conversation with the phrase.... "yeah....BUT..." then you still have hope.
Hope is such a marvelous thing.
It bends, it twists, it sometimes hides, but rarely does it break.
It sustains us when nothing else can.
It gives us reason to continue and courage to move ahead, when we tell ourselves we'd rather give in.
Hope puts a smile on our face when the heart cannot manage.
Hope puts our feet on the path when our eyes cannot see it.
Hope moves us to act when our souls are confused of the direction.
Hope is a wonderful thing, something to be cherished and nurtured, and something that will refresh us in return.
And it can be found in each of us, and it can bring light into the darkest of places.
NEVER lose hope.
Isn't that amazing? I wish the author wasn't anonymous cause I would like to thank whoever it is for their inspired message of HOPE. Oh well, the least I can do is spread the HOPE.
Peace, love and........... HOPE
joelle
Friday, December 23, 2005 1:23 PM CST
Picture is 12/24/03, 1/2 way through radiation treatments. Sisters Camilla and Darlene stop by!
Belated Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas to our Beloved Caringbridge Family!
“Winter preserves and strengthens a tree. Rather than expending its strength on the exterior surface, the tree forces its sap deeper into its interior. In winter a tougher, more resilient life is firmly established. Winter is necessary for the tree to survive and flourish”. ~ Richard J. Foster
My goodness……how can time be marching on?~~and at such a fast pace? I have so much stored in my muddled mind that I have wanted to write about but wonder if I can sort it out. I need to learn to jot myself notes so I can journal effectively and timely. By effectively……I mean so I am able to reflect on both the sadness of losing Trent, then suddenly Mike as well as how God is weaving a magnificent and beautiful tapestry of our lives through all of you. I have read and now know that grieving can be a very selfish consuming process. Silently I know how much I dwell on my personal feelings.....thinking, thinking, thinking Trent and the loss. No matter what the activity or the location, I will find my memories of Trent. Then I begin to work to remember more specifics of that memory. Things like, where he played one of his sports, how old he was when this happened or that, the time of year, what friends he was with, what he said or how he felt, how I felt, where this MRI was or what drugs he took for what symptom~just a few examples of the consuming selfish thoughts. So many of the memories that are from the last 3 years are tied to very strong emotions. Even when you have faith and believe God has a plan for your life and your child’s life~~I had, as any parent would, a constant fear of the disease itself, the treatments and the cancer’s unknown timeline. It didn’t matter whether I was sitting in a doctor’s office with Trent waiting for results or taking pictures of Trent at Prom or playing X-box with friends, I was secretly always worrying and wondering if I needed make each moment an indelible place in my mind and my heart. Well, whether it was happy or sad each memory has been saved to a place with the circumstances and the feeling still attached. Not that I don’t have just as many Kodak moments, fears and great hopes and dreams about and for Mindy’s and Calvin’s lives, it is knowing that there are no more being created of Trent~~ here on this earth anyway. I can no longer say “hey Trent, you remember playing baseball there…..was it Zach that hit it out of the park?” I must remember by myself; spending so much energy to remember places, times and feelings for one pressing reason~~so I won’t forget. Some of the haphazardly triggered memories literally cause me to breathe fast, my heart to race and to feel a bit nauseous but I am finding that this exercise of my mind through memories is like lifting weights. My coping seems to get a little stronger with each repetition and each hurdle I cross. The exercise of a memory coming out of the file can happen in an instant with finding, seeing, hearing smelling something, seeing someone, a calendar date or a special occasion. Then begins a sorting, sifting and sometimes adding to the contents. It might be reading a medication in a chart, seeing Avery quietly kissing Trent’s big graduation picture hung on the wall of the steps, finding Trent’s Cubbie’s hat from little league~~the underside bill with sweat marks and his handwriting “Trent Miner #5” or seeing someone still wearing a blue T-Bone bracelet. Sometimes it requires shedding a tear (that’s a good thing), other times it requires chosing to close that memory file for another day. This kind of active grief is tiring but at the same time it’s also healing. Every time a memory surfaces its as if it contains pages that are torn out of a book I have read. The loose pages are being re-filed in already named chapters some of which are titled fear, anger, sadness, loneliness, worry, shattered dreams, a broken heart. There are also chapters called “the gift of Trent” joy, courage, faith, hope, grace, trust, gratitude, having faith, faithfulness, friends, good-times, laughter, blessings, and the greatest of all~the unfailing love of Jesus Christ! I have a long way to go in this healing but I can tell God is writing a sequel to my first book. It is beginning to bring stories from the first book back but it seems as if the early chapters in the sequel show signs that this pain that has seemed unbearable seems to be ever so slightly, sweetening and softening. A great book should give you the feeling something meaningful is going to be revealed and that there is going to be a bigger purpose unfold. As our faithful friends & family remain in the story of our lives, so too, new ones are introduced. Sometimes I am excited with wonder and privilege that God chose me to endure these valuable lessons here on earth so that I can live differently till I am Home with loved ones that wait for us in heaven. That motivates me to keep my eyes on Him. This life here, while it is wonderful, beautiful and fulfilling,, most of us know and also experience it also gets sprinkled with pain, worries, heartache & strife. It seems there is an opportunity almost everyday for me to help share someone else’s pain. Time and time again when I am feeling like I really want to avoid a situation, am feeling down or even just don’t want to run to the grocery store, I find amazingly out of what seems the clear blue sky, God has crossed my path with just the right person. What lessons I am learning of trust, empathy, sympathy, and the power of love. God already knows the pages and chapters of our lives. He knows when we become complacent, lose interest and when it’s time for an learning chapter in our journey. I am realizing with each passing day that when are willing to see the lesson, and try to live it, we can place the book back on the shelf in His care. He is the bookends, holding the book of my life strong with all of your life’s books pressed along beside me. Sometimes the book gets placed next to the life book of the dearest of family, sometimes friends and other times strangers we have never known. It’s up to us to pay attention , see who He has written into our life story and who is next to us on the shelf. I recently bought and read a book called “Room of Marvels”. In this fictional book the main character is allowed a trip to heaven after he loses his daughter, his good friend and mother in a short period of time. To make a long story short, he is able to see how he had already been used in so many people’s lives that he was unaware of. He sees how God prepares our heavenly home with many rooms and that being Jesus to people here and now does determine the beauty and substance of our room in heaven. The main character then was able to put his grief in a special place and to continue to live here with a renewed purpose, joy and excitement. Grief....it’s a project assigned to me by God, to be tackled with his purest resource first.....seeking Him, trusting Him, thanking Him and then daily finding and allowing people in my life to make the project the best it can be!
“I have been trying to make the best of grief and am just beginning to learn to allow it to make the best of me” ~Barbara Lazear Ascher
Since I last wrote:
I have spent valuable time with other parents that have lost their children like Carol and Sandie. I have joined my heart with the Hamilton’s and their loss of beautiful, angel super-Brant and continue to pray for their comfort and more awesome signs from Brant! We have mourned with a Perry family the Fagin’s the sudden loss of their beautiful 15 yr. old Teresa and cried again with the Muh’s. I enjoy the corresponding with Nunez’s from Carlisle who will be enduring the first Christmas without their beautiful daughter Logan and many other families I connect with through email. Danny and I have met for supper and wonderful fellowship with the Pearson who have had many Christmases without their awesome son Brian. Jim and Trish Hallihan never go very long without calling or getting together with us and continue to keep Trent’s memory alive for us! We had a very nice Thanksgiving with both sides of our family and felt that our Trent was right there with us. I continue to read daily and sometimes twice daily the journals of our dear Tyler and Hollister~what an inspiration they both are to me and those that follow their journeys. Please continue to pray and support them. On November 1, I rejoined my wonderful work family fulltime and continue to feel loved and supported there and that it has been good for me to be back fulltime. The new lady that sits right next to me lost her daughter 3 years ago at the age of 23 from congenital heart problems. It has been a blessing to have someone who unfortunately knows the walk I am on. Danny and I found our seats at all the Cyclone home games and enjoyed most of them~particularly the Hawkeye match-up (sorry Trent) as always the Clones know how to keep us humble fans by their performance in a couple games after that!! Scott Whiton sits in front of us and we had some great visits with him. He sent me a wonderful article about a mother who buried 3 children and the place of comfort the cemetery was for her. She calls it a place to show respect, love and honor for the one you are missing. She says “death happens as much as life happens”. She says and I agree....it is a place of comfort and peace. That’s why a Christmas tree is behind Trent’s bench and a stocking hangs on the crook. I will share more another time about her thoughts as they validated many of my feelings. But this is getting way too long...... Trent's friends stop now and then and we so enjoy that. We miss Trent's quick smile, his casual, happy go lucky personality but when the friends come we get the feeling Trent is right around the corner, sharing and laughing along with us. Many of our friends lit a candle for Trent and all children who left us too soon on December 11, the worldwide candle lighting night for children that have died. We left a candle shining brightly on the cool beautiful evening at 7:00p.m. on Trent’s bench at the cemetery. This is going to be a different Christmas for all of us in the Miner, Conklin and Brosnahan family. I think of Mike’s mom Marj who is having a Christmas as am I without one of her children. We both can rejoice that this Christmas poem (which I know a lot of you have seen) is a reflection of what both of our sons would like all of us to know:
Merry Christmas From Heaven~ by John Wm. Mooney, Jr.
I still hear the songs, I still see the lights, I still feel your love on cold wintery nights
I still share your hopes and all of your cares, I’ll even remind you to please say your prayers
I just want to tell you, you still make me proud, You stand head and shoulder above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment to stay in His grace, I came here before you to help set your place
You don’t have to be perfect all of the time, He forgives you the slip if you continue to climb
To my family and friends please be thankful today I’m still close beside you in a new special way
I love you all dearly now don’t shed a tear cause I’m spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.
We are traveling to Park City Utah for a wonderful time of skiing, tubing, sleigh-riding, laughing, loving, healing and soaking in the beauty of God’s creation with Jill and her family (10 of us). We have had Christmas with the Conklin side early but we will miss the Miner side. Santa made a visit last night for Avery’s Christmas early. I still feel I did not do justice to this journal update with such a huge long gap in posting. I knew before we left for Christmas I just had to finish what I had begun and just ‘git~er~done. I apologize for the long delay and hope you can excuse the somewhat erratic lengthy update. I am not done writing on Trent’s website as I still feel it is therapeutic for me so if you do still come here and can bare reading my thoughts......I intend to continue yet for awhile. I also have lots of pictures I want to update now and then with too. I had worked on a collage of pictures for hours on end and then couldn’t get it to convert and load to the site so I want to eventually put some of them on. Also, want to thank Susan who is “Jordan’s mom” for her beautiful posts (like the picture of Trent and Jesus) and if you get a chance to go to her website you will be inspired and fall in love with her and the life of Jordon her son who has a brain tumor. Thank you to everyone who has left us a message of encouragement and support. You dear friends and family and our cyber pals have been the reality of Jesus here........ The simple book “My Beautiful Broken Shell” that I read at Trent’s funeral continues to minister to me through all of you. Each of you have added to the beauty of our shell, softening out the rough edges, smoothing out a chip and holding together a crack in our shell. Your love and support is polishing our shell far beyond what any one person or family could do alone. Thank you all for still being such a treasured part of our family’s beautiful broken shell. You have helped us see the value of friends and family in way I don’t think is otherwise possible.
I wish I could name all of you here in print (although that would be impossible) who continue to journey with us and have never let go of us! So many still call, send cards, email, pray and just tell us you are thinking of us. Please know that your PRESENCE in our lives is truly the greatest PRESENT we have this Christmas! Love and peace to all of you....... God Bless you. Joelle & family
“Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life” ~John 3:36
Wednesday, November 30, 2005 0:21 AM CST
Finally a new picture! This picture was 2 months after surgery, back to Johns Hopkins in Baltimore for a recheck. Stayed in D.C. and took the short train ride to Baltimore. Chillin in back of the train with brother Calvin. Also, put 3 new pictures on the "view photos" of Trent at the dorm room last fall. Good times....
I am writing a new journal entry but not quite done. While I like all the pictures and have a hard time replacing them....even I got tired of the same picture and the Sept. journal entry but just seemed to be unable to get my thoughts together to write. You would think I would be better when I know it is so therapeutic for me to journal. Thank you to everyone who still checks and to the ones that so nicely have left notes despite my lack of journaling. Bless you! joelle
Monday, September 19, 2005 12:50 AM CDT
Greetings to anyone still reading!
I began to write a week ago and have found that the long gap in writing has made it hard to summarize and make sense of my thoughts. I know that my journaling helps dissipate my pain. Grief shared is grief abated. However, grief is complicated so beware, you might be left wondering “what was that about?” when you are done reading!
(9/12/05) I simply do not know where to begin. When I wrote last it was 3 ½ mos. since Trent died and now it is a little over 5 mos. We had just past the 4th of July, I was back to work part-time, we had spent two weekends in Okobojii with Mike & Jill, I had read a couple more good books, we were about to work on Trent’s monument for the cemetery and Avery had just had her vision/visit from Trent. We were learning that the road of mourning & healing is like all chapters of life......it is wrought with hills and valleys, rain and sunshine. With the Lord as our guide and all of you as our travel companions we were “on the road”. We weren’t getting over our loss but we were learning to cope without our sweet Trent’s presence. I had just spent a wonderful day on a road trip with my friend Pat Mundy....some laughing, some crying and some deep sharing of our hearts. Ironically while walking around in a Wal-Mart about 7:30 p.m. I talked to brother-in-law Mike for about 15 minutes. It was a fun conversation and we talked about the upcoming weekend activities. The last time I would talk to him~6 hrs. later he was welcomed to his eternal home by his God and Trent
As with all of our lives detour signs appear~we go about our lives not expecting them and we certainly can’t prepare for them. There are times we see a yield sign~like when we see & read about sad or hard times in our community, country or world. We slow down, try to imagine how tragedy feels; what it would be like if an accident or diagnosis would come to our own family members but of course, those things “always happen to someone else”. The detour sign is the reality that it has happened to your family. On August 12th it was a phone call in the night, a sister (Jill) that was seriously injured and our beloved brother-in-law (Mike) killed on Lake Okobojii. Mike & Jill’s daughter Alex and I had visited until 2:00 a.m. about her move to Iowa City in 4 days for the start of her college life. We talked about Trent’s first semester there, our fun 3 trips to football games with her folks last year and how I needed to make myself come back over this year despite the painful memories. Her response was “give up the Cyclones and be a Hawkeye” and come over with my mom & dad. Now at 3:30 a.m. Danny & I were sending Calvin to Mike & Jill’s oldest daughter’s apt. in Des Moines to tell her what had happened and bring her home and making phone calls to immediate family & friends. Danny and I headed for separate bedrooms, Danny waking daughter Mindy at the same time I woke Mike & Jill’s daughter Alex to tell them the road we were on just “washed out”. I knew that once
both the Brosnahan girls were told their lives would never be the same. I was going to need courage.
“Our Father is preparing us to meet the deep inner needs of others by bringing us through the dark places first
~from the book “For Those Who Hurt”
Courage.....I think back to the day we moved Trent to Hospice and how I asked Jill if she could make the long ride during rush hour clear across Des Moines to Johnston in the ambulance with Trent~I just couldn’t do it~ I know that was likely to that point in her life one of the hardest things she has ever had to do. Danny, my mom and I drove slowly, solemnly behind the ambulance and the tears never stopped. What courage Jill had; what a tribute to Trent and what love for me and my family that she would stay beside my dying son when I couldn’t. WHAT LOVE~WHAT COURAGE. One of many things I am grateful for that you can only repay~when the time comes and you are needed. Well, now I needed a dose of courage to tell her adult kids about their mom’s injuries and their father’s death and help them plan a funeral and cope. I prayed for God to show me when to be quiet, when to speak, for the right words and to love and comfort all of Mike’s family. With my injured sister I also needed the title Trent bestowed on me “Dr. Joelle Miner”:) Now mind you Jill herself is a nurse, had plenty of wise & caring friends that are doctors and numerous staff doctors/nurses but everyone needs that advocate at their bedside. In severe pain and mental anguish, I marveled that Jill was a kind, grateful and motivated patient who was able to comfort her 4 children. She worked very hard to get herself well enough to leave the hospital in a week after multiple serious injuries. What followed was a visitation & funeral that was a beautiful celebration of the life of a wonderful husband, dad and friend called “Broz”. Jill persevered through mental and physical trauma to greet hundreds and hundreds of friends/family. A month later she still doesn’t complain about any of the obvious pain she has. People have told me many times that when they visit with her to encourage and support her they are the ones who walk away encouraged and inspired by her grace, strength and attitude. All of our family grieves and mourns the death of Mike. We thank God for having had him in our life. He showed us all how to live, laugh and love and we are better people because of him. I hope he knew how much this Miner family loved him and were grateful for what he did in our lives. We know he is in the presence of the Lord.......and that Trent welcomed him to heaven. There is no denying we are very sad here~~but Trent & Mike are enjoying indescribable love, peace and beauty in their new home~watching over our families. Mike & Jill were comforters to us and now I pray we can return the blessing.
God does not comfort us to make us comfortable, but to make us comforters........
~ by Henry Jowett
Today, the 12th of September is a date that sticks out in my mind as it was the first and only seizure Trent ever had. We had been going to specialists for what was first thought to be heart issues over a 5 mo. time. Now a neurological problem in the form of a seizure and the subsequent diagnosis of a brain tumor became a detour sign in Trent’s life and our family. It is with confused emotions that I recall all that happened over the last 3 years. If I wish it all away our family would forfeit all the love and relationships that have been forged through our journey with Trent. When you are forced into a detour you realize the unfamiliar road and the need of keeping your eyes wide open, not staring off aimlessly. You can see the beauty of the landscape and the trip would become much more memorable from your detour. This is true of the detours of our lives; we are allowed to experience unimagined beauty in friendships and relationships that we otherwise would have missed in this life. And yet along that same road are areas of lonesome highway minus signs of direction, where fog or rain can blind you. Those are times of aching for the missing passenger on the trip. I am mad that Trent is not at Iowa City with his Perry friends (he nick-named them P-Town’s finest), cousin Alex and the new friends he made there last year. I am mad he won’t join up with his high school friends on weekends and holidays here or make a quick road trip to Central or Wartburg college to see Alec or Zach. I am mad he isn’t seeing his little buddy Avery get so big and the conversations they would have had. I am mad I don't get any more excited calls with fun stories he loved to share, that I can't hug him. Again, there is conflict of my heart and my head. I have a child, safe from the ills of this world now in heaven. I know God is bringing me through what is generally deemed one of the worst losses a person can endure.....that of burying a child.. With hopeful expectation I wait for how he will use what I have experienced for his glory. Some days my head says if I live to 99 there won’t be enough time here on earth to see and do all I want to with my life and then there are days my heart says......let the Lord come back today for those with a faith in Jesus Christ will be reunited with those that died in Christ. It has been freeing to talk uninhibited about the saving grace of Jesus, the huge lessons he is teaching me that I never would have been willing to learn any other way. I remember my niece Libby made the comment to me a few days after her dad died......”I never knew how spiritual I was”. For a believer, death can enrich the spiritual blessings God has given us. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross states that spirituality is a re-connection with ourselves, with our soul, and with life, even in the face of death. It is the way we seek peace, it is about reaching into the purest part of yourself, the part that is connected to love, the part that is connected to God, the part that is beyond the body, health and disease. Spirituality is concerned with the mind, spirit and body. It is realizing that death is not optional. Yes, I am angry some days....because I miss Trent terribly. It is an emotion that is a part of the healing. I thank God for the gift to our family of a wonderful son and brother as Trent. How different our lives would have been without ever having him and how different they are enduring the loss of him.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us....with every spiritual blessing.” Ephesians 1:3
We as a family met with and have drafted with the artist the headstone for Trent. We all had input and a part in what will be a tribute to Trent. It will be done for next Memorial Day. Mindy is in nsg. school and working at Mercy Pediatric part-time. Calvin graduated from Iowa and is planning on grad school in landscape architecture. Both Mindy & Calvin had some interruption during their spring schedules with Trent’s illness and death. Mindy has a clinical rotation to make up and Calvin did not finish until July 30th. He hopes to start classes in January and enter grad. school next fall. He will be helping Danny and visiting a few schools. Avery is so excited to be in dance with Tara Andorf her teacher. She is enjoying having Calvin home and can be heard saying....."I love you Calvin". Hannah & Jack are still the delight of her life!
Fall is almost here and the butterflies seem to have become abundant. We went to water the trees and mow “Trent’s triangle” at the country club tonight. One lone, beautiful monarch butterfly danced around the nearby flowers. I thought about the long journey that Monarch butterfly has ahead of him but one he is prepared for. I think about our journey ahead; the holidays, Trent’s birthday, the year anniversary with some dread. Can I continue to grieve, heal and find joy in the midst of mourning? Have the detours in our family given me the strength to fly and to see the real beauty of this life? Am I prepared like the monarch?
“The Man and the Buttefly”
A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening appeared. He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could, and it could go no further. So the man decided to help the butterfly. He took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings. The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time. Neither happened In fact the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly. What the man, in his kindness and haste, did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly to get through the tiny opening were God’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon. Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our lives. If God allowed us to go throughout our lives without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. We could never fly.
Some of you have taken the ride with us and others have been a part of the memorable scenery of our detour. When the terrain was rough you gave love and respite along the way in hundreds of acts of kindness. What a God-given refuge you have been. Your support and encouragement have been a bridge that is eventually leading us to familiar roads again. We can tell you but you will not fully know until heaven how you have enriched Trent’s life and our life during this journey. We have been told, read and now it is personally becoming apparent that a person never gets over grief......the landscape changes, you learn to cope, find beauty and look for God’s lessons in the detour.
Love, Joelle & family
“I have tried and I cannot find, either in Scripture or history, a strong-willed individual whom God used greatly, until He allowed him to be hurt deeply”.
~from the book "Come before Winter"
Thank you to all family and friends who supported and continue to support Jill & her family with love, kindnesses and prayers. Also, I have a new link on here for Brant Hamilton. I corresponded with them personally. Thought some of you may want to offer words of support and or encouragement. Brant has a brain tumor and you will feel the love and the pain of what they as a family are going through currently.
Tuesday, September 6, 2005 7:11 PM CDT
Grandma Helen said she felt bad not going to Trent's webtsite as often (because I have not updated of course)~like she was ignoring Trent! Well, here's my start mom....a new picture (sorta blurry but still sweet)of two of your many precious grandchildren! (I like their arms around eachother) I'm gonna get a new journal entry written soon. This was tailgaiting last summer at Perry baseball and I specifically remember Trent was a tad bit disgusted over another picture but Cousin Alex was more than happy to pose!
Monday, July 25, 2005 1:55 AM CDT
7/25/05 8:45 p.m. Me again...this journal entry has changed some, I had some editing to do when I was a little more rested:)!!
Hello Caringbridge Readers~
Here I am......it has been more than 3½ months since Trent died. Summer is going by....there have actually been some locusts singing off and on for a few weeks. To me that is always a sad sound of fall coming which I don't particularly like. Well, once we get into the cool crisp weather, sweatshirts and football I like it. It's when it is still summer and you know the season is slipping away that I feel a little sad.
Work is going good 3 days a week. I have tried to be so focused while I am there as an employee should be but I feel it a little more intensely I think since I am gone two days a week and don't want others to have to do more work because of me. I have good people around me there who I feel supported by, loved and so completely comfortable with. They give me space and love and allow me to cry without notice and with no need to speak. Can't find a better combination and call it work too.
We made a 24 hr. trip to Okoboji 3 weeks ago with the Nevitts. Over 13 years a huge blessing in our life was the ability to go up to the lake to Mike & Jill's. The kids have enjoyed the fun of Okoboji as little kids and then one by one they would turn 16 and pressure us to make the drive alone with friends. Mindy was first and she and girlfriends went up and had a loud chatty girl wkend and kept Mike up on a Sunday night when he had to get up very early and be back to Perry early Monday for patients (the girls had a ball and I know Mike forgave them) Then Calvin made the trip with friends and it was beginning to feel like routine. The welcome mat was always out for us and the kids to come and it seemed like a right of passage when they made it alone. Trent had 3 summers of driving it alone; gathering his buddies, golf clubs in tow and heading to the lake. The kids were all always treated special by Aunt Jill, waking up to the aroma of pancakes and bacon and big plans for the day. Last summer Trent enjoyed tremendously his friends and time at the lake and when he came home it was only to pack for college. It was weird to go downtown where there are hundreds of kids walking and see Trent and his friends walking around with them (across the street from us of course), soon to be college-bound. Going up three weeks ago was not just a reminder of Trent but of days when the kids were all little; Arnold's park, go-cart ranch, minature golf, Boji Bay, Wal-Mart (with Grandma Helen and a new toy of some kind) the things we all did together creating memories with eachother, aunts/uncles, cousins, Grandma Helen and friends. Last summer when I was at the lake, Trent and I were on our way back from renting movies in Spirit Lake and he told me that when he is there at the lake it really felt like he might as well be a 1000 miles from home and it was so fun. We made another short trip up there a week ago with Mindy and Avery. I think my emotions were a little more settled. At 3 yrs. old Avery donned her first life jacket and spent some great time off the dock in the lake with her beloved Hannah and Jack and Bill & Liz Brosnahan’s 4 kids. On Sunday she experienced a great time at Arnold's Park with her veteran cousins (Jack & Hannah).......and so it goes..........life at the lake goes on. New memories are woven into the cache of cherished memories to be called upon when we reflect on blessings in our lives. To Avery’s delight we brought Hannah home with us. We stopped at the Pearson’s on our way back and enjoyed a visit with them and to the cemetery where Brian is buried. A treat for Hannah and Avery was to see their pigs in pens. They neither one had ever seen a live pig! The Pearson’s offered to keep them and really show them the way of the farm. We got home at 10:15 p.m. with a storm on our heels all the way.
I had the library look for an inter-loan book by Zig Zigler called Confessions of a Grieving Christian. When they couldn't find the book through the loan they just bought it. When Donna at the library told me they purchased it I asked her if I could buy it as a memorial in the name of one of my friend's dad, George Modlin which I did. I had been meaning to get a book in Georg's name and I think this was a fitting one. I know he struggled with the monster of grief when his wife Irene died. I don't know whether he would have read a book or this book but I do wish I had paid some visits to him during that time. A lesson I have now learned and will be more committed to. I have stopped to visit Lois Kelleher's mother twice. When I first went I wondered how close our sorrows would be. She buried a daughter that was maybe mid 60's. She didn't know me but I decided to take a chance and see if she would enjoy a visit. I soon found out in our sharing that she not only buried a daughter a month ago but she buried a 19 yr. old son years ago that died in a car accident. Then, a year later she buried her husband from an agricultural accident. It always does my heart good when I reach out to someone else. She also mentioned that a relative had just written her and mentioned a great book called "90 Minutes in Heaven". She said she wondered where she might get that book. Hmmm, such a coincidence I had it so I got it to her yesterday. She is a kind and gentle lady and I look forward to visiting her again. Oh forgot, back to the other book....Zig Zigler's~~his daughter died at 42 of a lung disease. What an inspiring book from a phenomenal christian man. I have about 5 books going; most are easy reading and a couple are Bible verses with words of comfort. There just isn't enough hours in the day to spend reading as much as I would like. I guess when the duldrums of fall and winter set in I'll have my books to pour myself into and visiting people who are hurting too.
The weekend of the 4th of July came, it was and it went. Danny went to Earl May and found a bench for the cemetery and one for the country club (with a golfer on it). We refer to the Trent's grave to Avery as the place we go to remember Trent. Along with his Hawkeye flag and T-Bone Hawkeye hat there is a bench that has Hawkeye on it now. It provides a place to sit and many times in tears, feel love and peace while remembering Trent. I know he would say it was a cool bench and thank dad for passing up the Cyclone one. We also put out solar crosses at several graves that are dear to us. They shine like a florescent light at night. We spent some of the 3rd and the 4th looking for a boulder-type rock to put at the country club in Trent's triangle. I think we found one from Cousin Doug and we are anxious to roll it over and be sure it is the one. We also met our extended family the Pearsons in Carroll for supper on the 2nd and had a delightful evening. We rock hunted and grilled with the Motsick's on the 3rd where a red cake with Happy Birthday on it was dessert, a wonderful evening! We made our ritual drive to the Peter's for fireworks. I didn't get out of the car, the mosquitos were terrible and I just wanted to be through the holiday. Mindy, Avery and Danny took on the mosquitos and watched from a blanket. A group of Trent pals and Cousin Alex were near and visited with us. Perry had a nice firework display but I was glad to tuck the holiday away.
We had not seen Calvin for about 3 weeks as he had been in Iowa City and down to Branson on the 4th. He came home the wkend after the 4th and got some golf in and helped Danny get the course ready for one of the bigger tournaments on that Sun. Sunday night Calvin, Danny and I golfed and Mindy and Avery rode along. When we are all together it seems like there is a bullhorn in my head saying....someone's missing, someone's missing...... You know how you read that when you bury a child you bury a future. I couldn't help but wonder what the future may have been out there as grandparents with our kids and all their kids having a family golf outing. You always wonder what the future holds for your kids but when you lose a child you tend to try and build the future in your mind as it is a certainty there isn't going to be one here on earth. When we left at dark I mentioned to Calvin since he hadn't seen the solar lights or the bench at the cemetery we should go by on our way back to town. He was rather taken back about going to the cemetery at night. I told him we do it quite often now. We each had driven out to the club separately so....in the dark, 4 vehicles pulled into "the place we go to remember Trent" and rather solumnly, literally in the lumination of the solar cross sat and stood to remember. One was missing at the golf course but it seemed as though we went and found him and we were all together if only for a minute and it felt good. With Cousin Alex here for a week and Calvin home it seemed more normal with activity at home. The Miner boys and wives enjoyed a wonderful night out to dinner in Dsm. with Joyce & Dick for their 54th wedding anniversay. We also had a night out with the Gibbon's and Jim & Trish Hallihan a couple of weeks ago that was a delight! The next week Danny and I went up to the Iowa Games opening dinner. It was an emotional night for us as two years ago Trent received his Brian Pearson award. Last year Danny & I drove up and Trent & Zach separately so they could do their own thing afterward. We had a fun time with Trent and Zach there last year. This year Jim made special recognition of Trent as well as had a beautiful memorial with Trent's picture & tribute to him in the stat book put out this year of last years events. Through the honor of Trent receiving the Brian Pearson award we have been blessed with the friendships of the Pearsons and the Hallihans. How they have enriched our lives!
I started this journal entry some time ago and just couldn’t get back to finishing it. As many of you have commented my journaling here has been fairly open. Last week I felt the cloud of grief hanging more intensely on me. Now for the first time I was having trouble sleeping at night, was more emotional, fatigued and blue though not many would know it. It's like a movie projector of memories (mostly ones that are sad to me) running in the background of my mind and I just simply work around it. I am told by more seasoned grievers that the memories will become more sweet with time~I look forward to that. However, in the meantime the story I am going to describe will cause some of you to think we are nuts and others will most likely find nerve enough to tell me your similar experiences. The risk of being labeled or whispered about is not a consequence to us.
Danny & I picked Avery up from where Mindy was babysitting Sat. night. I was glad when Danny took her upstairs to get her to bed. I was emotionally exhausted and laid on the couch to rest but my tears began to flow as I prayed that God would lift the heaviness of my grief. The next day Mindy told us of an event the night before. Danny had let Avery have colors and coloring book on her bed in her room. He was in his room watching TV and I was asleep downstairs. Danny heard Avery scream an excited scream. He hollered to her “what is wrong Avery, come here”. A couple of minutes went by and she screamed again. Almost simultaneously Mindy had come home and was walking up the back stairs. Danny told her Avery had just screamed. Avery was walking out of her bedroom and met Mindy at the doorway. They went in and sat on the bed and Avery told her she loved mommy, grandpa and grandma and Calvin but ended it with “I saw Trent”. Mindy was of course taken back with this and questioned her further. You saw Trent....where? In that window. (the curtains are closed and shades down). What did he look like? Avery described.......he had shiny hair....and he had wings. He said come to the window. He said bye to me. There were birds singing. Mindy did not tell me until this morning. I matter of factly questioned Averyand she gave all the same answers. She had a delighted smile as she would answer. When Danny got home later in the afternoon from a golf tournament we told him about Avery’s Trent story. While it was baffling to Danny he told us that after he heard her scream he thought to himself........that is not a scared scream~~that is like when she would see Trent or now when she sees his friends like Zach and Harris or like last week when she saw Hannah and Jack at the lake. It certainly made sense to him. Avery came into the room while we were talking about it and I asked Avery........why did you scream last night?......she said.......cause I saw Trent! I said you were excited and she said~~yes!! We asked her the basics again, what did he say, what was he wearing, how did his hair look, where was he, was there music? All the exact same direct answers. While most of you know Avery, she is 3½ and does have a wonderful ability to play alone (a great imagination) and sing. None of this has the characteristics of childhood play, not even for Avery. We do not avoid talking about Trent nor do we intentionally bring him up around her. We go to the cemetery where we “go to remember Trent” with her fairly often and it is normal to her. None of us have ever talked about or described angels to her in anyway or described Trent flying away or anything that might provoke her imagination. We tell her Trent is in heaven with Jesus......plain and simple.
We are not dwelling on this situation but I know our immediate family is very comforted by it. I have spent the day reading biblical accounts of angels, visions, etc. and I cannot fit this situation into a complete understanding. My faith is solid and I accept that God’s ways are mysterious Intellectually I know that Trent is in heaven but sometimes you just wish you could see it for a minute. I sorta feel it is like looking at a wonderful dessert and knowing it would taste fabulous but if you could just taste it that would be better! I know I fell asleep crying & praying that I would feel some relief from my sadness and this happened shortly after that. Since Trent’s death many people that have lost someone very close have described similar situations to us. I can tell you all to do with this event what you will. I believe that God reveals things to us to comfort us and give us a glimpse of heaven. It seems that children often see angels or visions as they are not impeded by the attitudes of “that couldn’t happen” and they don’t try to explain it away. I have a peace I didn’t have yesterday or for quite awhile for that matter. I thank God for the comfort of last night and the renewed strength I feel. My grief is not over but maybe it will begin to change. I know God was close to my broken heart last night.
“He reached down from on high and took hold of me; He drew me out of the deep waters.”
~~Psalm 18:16
I wonder if after my own drought of not posting if anyone is still looking at Trent’s site..... I feel badly that several have emailed and asked me if I am alright. Thank you for your heartfelt concern. So many of you have sent cards, hug me when I see you and tell me you are still thinking of and praying for our family’s healing. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Did you know the difference between grief and mourning? Grief is what you feel and do with sadness yourself but mourning is what you can and are allowed to do publicly. It is thought that today's society is not allowed to mourn as long as in the old days (when they wore black forever, etc.) but for some of us (like me)in the safety of our friends, family and journal readers we are allowed to "mourn" for as long as it takes. Thank you for continuing to be a part of our "mourning for Trent".
We are meeting this week with a man to begin the process of designing the monument for Trent. In some ways I am looking forward to it but also know it will be somewhat mentally taxing too. It will be a family project for us. I think after Saturday night we have a glimpse of what Avery might like to see on the stone........maybe shiny hair, wings, white shirt, white shoes and a big smile.....
"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid"
~~John 14:27
I sign off tonight.........with one simple word I feel describes the state of my heart.
~Peace
Tuesday, June 21, 2005 5:21 PM CDT
Good Afternoon friends
I hear you! You are saying......thank goodness she finally updated~for the good or the bad of it, at least it is new! I check several websites and know the feeling of seeing a new journal entry! With some sadness, I decided a change of a new picture was in order too. Although I hate to take off the graduation one of Trent where he looks so innocent and healthy, we just got this black & white picture from Mark and Cherlyn that was taken alittle less than two months before Trent died. I thought it so captured how much these two loved eachother!! This was Trent & Avery's joint birthday party on Feb. 12th, Avery's 3rd, Trent's 19th.
Since my last email I have gone back to work part-time, Monday, Wednesday and Friday. It has brought a new dimension for me to deal with. Even though I have made many trips to Des Moines for books and cemetery things and to visit people, it never bothered me like it did last Monday. I could only describe that emotion as feeling like betrayal. I have described this to a couple of people and most did not understand it. However, like most of these emotions and thoughts I have, I don't have to look too far to realize how valid the feelings are. I knew why I felt that way but couldn't really explain it to anyone who asked how my return to work was going. Wouldn't you know last wkend I was given a video tape from the library called "Beyond Death's Door". A man that lost his child described that when he began to notice he was healing he had a sense he was betraying his son. (Hmmm, same word/same feeling) I felt as if I was communicating to Trent that I was getting over him, "moving on" that I would be getting back to normal routine and things of life I had before he died. I know, I know.....people come back with "Trent would want you to"....and "you'll never forget him" but it was a feeling, obviously validated by the guy in the video. As he described, if someone would have asked you if they could wave a wand or do the bewitched thing to someone experiencing this kind of loss to have it all taken away in the deepest part of it, he would (we would) not wish to have that happen. You know you need this grief as it connects you to your loved one and that there is no going around, under or over it....only through it. Then there was settling in at work. I have such sensitive and kind bosses and peers at IFMC. I know it must have been hard on them to know what to say and do with me! I think just being together again in the work place was good for all of us. Reading through medical records was a different story. My prompters of pain at home were personal reminders of Trent; the pictures still around, the dorm things I have not sorted, the ceramic marker on the back of the stove that was written and placed there two months ago wishing Trent and Avery their happy birthdays, the school bag, his car now home and on and on. Going back to work I tried to prepare for the change of a new group of memories~those that would remind me of our 3 yrs. of medical care. I don't think I ever forgot a drug used, a process, medical terma date or place that came into our lives until these last two months after Trent died. I think subconsciously I didn't even want to remember any of them. Then all of a sudden I was face to face with remembering them page after page. Blood counts, transfusions, platelets, chemos, radiation, brain tumors, psychosis, Morphine, paralysis, nausea/vomiting, Zofran, dizziness, catheters, family decisions, MRI's, oncologists to name a few and last and not least hospice and "expired". I tried to not let my self think about them and just skip right past them, but unfortunately our memories can be clouded and yet painfully acute at the same time. How could I not remember Trent not being able to move his legs and begging all of us to move them to the place they already were, giving him the doctor's alotted amt. of Morphine while begging for ibuprofen or accupuncture for pain. The horrible reaction to Versed that had him in psychosis for 5 hours, the unrelenting nausea and vomiting that Zofran wouldn't touch, feeling dizzy, blurred vision, one eye dilated and signing a paper for hospice care? These were things I had stored away and now they were as if I walked into the movie theatre to a movie I had seen before and my mind began to replay them all the while I tried forget and remember at the same time. So, I struggled and stayed focused while I was at work but each quick reminder seemed to be a quick kick in the gut while I blinked, swallowed and moved on to the next page. By the end of a day I think the the little kicks take their toll and I go home mentally worn out. The day in between working affords me much needed time mental rest, reflection and categorizng and trying to find a place to file these memories away. At least driving to work the other 3 days I have not felt the betrayal thing as much.......that's progress.
Calvin wears Trent's necklace, clothes and sleeps in Trent's bed and that makes us feel good. Mindy asked if we minded if she drove Trent's car this summer as she didn't have really anything of Trent's and it seemed sad that his car was sitting put away. She talked to Avery about Trent's car that it was really Grandpa's and that they were going to drive it. It still has Alec Klise's freshman picture (a goofy one) on the dash and a fruit rollup wrapper between the seats. I am glad Mindy wanted to drive it but it took a little getting used to it back in the driveway. There are literally tons of these maroon blasers out there on the highways and so seeing his here has helped me not to look at every one going down the road half expecting to see Trent driving.....more progress.
Friday night was relay for life night here in Perry. I couldn't decide whether I needed to put myself through the emotion of it. Last year we had a great team and really enjoyed the night. Trent and friends walked a few laps and sat in our "camp" and had fun. Our friends from Carlisle the Nunez's who lost their little girl Logan (10 yr. old) about 2 wks. after Trent mentioned to me they had been to their R. for L. the week before and lit a luminary for Logan & Trent. I was so touched, I thought, well that's the least I can do is get up there and buy the luminaries for my dad, Trent and Logan. I ended up being there before the laps for the survivors, caregivers and memorial walk. As they made the call for caregivers (which I presume I technically fit), I couldn't bring myself to do it. I thought deeply about it........caregiver to my child??? No way! I was Trent's mother from birth to death and where in the world did I ever need or want a "caregiver" title. I don't mean that disrespectful but for me caring for a sick child just doesn't equate to caregiver, just the privilege of being the mom. I did however make the memorial lap, hidden behind sunglasses and crying all the way. Kathy Hoskinson jumped in at my side for the lap and Kay Finneseth found me in the parking lot and let me melt down and weep on her shoulder. I think the whole week had been buiding up to that moment. It amazes me how tears serve such a purpose in our soul. Since I am able to cry easily and frequently I didn't think I need to go up there and cause myself more crying but it had it's purpose and two earthly angels provided shelter and comfort for my weeping/moaning. Later I came back after dark to see the luminaries lit and take a picture and I enjoyed walking the track with several friends. I was wishing I had my group of buddies from last year there to walk and talk with so maybe next year we'll reorganize and be there.....I guess just thinking about next years team is......progress.
Saturday night Mindy was babysitting and we went to pick Avery up and bring her home to bed. It is up at the North end of town where the cemetery is not far from there. Avery was wide awake and I asked Danny to drive through the cemetery to see the lantern and two new lights we have on Trent's grave. Knowing that Avery can take off on innocent chatter of Trent at the mention of Trent's name we sometimes avoid it. I took a chance and said, "let's go out and see the lights at the cemetery where we go to remember Trent". So we did and it looked very beautiful, peaceful. Also shining very brightly from another grave was an awesome cross so brightly lit up that I went back to the next day and actually got a website off of it. I want to get one just like it. I would not have seen it had we not made the late night drive nor would I have been able to hear Avery describe the lights at the cemetery and where we go to remember Trent the next day without crying if I we hadn't made the drive when I was feeling up to it...pushing through.........making progress.
Sunday of course was Father's day. Mother's Day we spent at Jill & Mike's and Memorial day at Cynthia and Andy's. For Father's Day I tried to have family here to grill Andy & Cynthia insisted we come there along with the rest of the Miner family. Calvin came home Sunday from school and he and Mindy gave Danny their Father's Day present and Avery gave Grandpa a "tackle box" (decorated egg carton) she made at Day Care and card. Calvin and Mindy knew Danny had wanted a knife set from the Chinese Christmas gift exchange (and didn't end up with it) and Calvin has been our avid griller when he is home they decided he needed that nice knife set for the occasional steak on the grill. Anyway the time spent with family was fun but of course when family is gathered there is that undercurrent of remembering we are missing Trent. After church that morning I noticed the tree planted out back at our church looked stressed. It is a wonderful 15 yr. old oak tree generously donated and moved there a couple of days after Trent died by Pat Miner (relative) from Granger. Since it is an older and established tree it wasn't to need a lot of water but we decided we better go tend to it. Danny and I watered it thoroughly and then mulched around it. Amazing how heavy your hearts can feel and how numb you can be and still go through the motions. We neither one talked much just did what we needed to. The next thing on our agenda was to get a tank out of the shed and fill it with water and go water the sod on Trent's grave. Again, we stood quietly while Danny slowly moved the wand back and forth over the length of his grave. The only conversation was when Danny asked "is this what I'm supposed to do on Father's Day?" My answer was "I guess taking care of things" and his response was "Well, at least I can fix this". Repeating it here sounds like mundane flippant conversation, but for both of us it was from deep sorrowful thought, the only short agonizing words that we could speak while holding back mountains of tears. With half the tank gone, we moved the short distance over to David Dinh's and watered his new sod too. Last to do for the day was water some peonies at the country club and plant a tree from our back deck there in Trent's triangle. It is a small grassy area where we have planted a small tree already and some peony bushes and plan to put a bench and maybe a large rock with a plaque. It is where the "Perry Golf gallery" can watch golfers on #9 and near the pool. We have some great movies of Trent entertaining all of us (when he was probably 4 yrs. old) at the country club pool in an evening when the pool was closed. We had a new cocker spanial puppy that we took out to run loose and play with the kids. Trent was jumping in and showing off like all kids do and had us all laughing at him. I couldn't help but remember how innocent and fun those days were and how precious those movies are. I can't bear to think of watching those good movies of him and Mindy and Calvin when they were little and now added to that library of memories are ones of his visitation and funeral. It is not time now to look at them, but someday it will be and when I do I shall know that I have made tremendous progress........
I have happened onto a few caring bridge websites that have been compelling to me. One is from a man who lost his a daughter at 18 mo., a wife 10 years later and then his 10 yr. old son in 6 months from a brain tumor this past Nov. It is just him and one son left. I have emailed him personally and thanked him for his beautiful website and dedication to trying to give his son the best care possible (and to encourage him to write a book~he's as good as any author I have read on grief/loss topic). I received back a wonderful email and the comradery with parents who are in this group is immediate. Another is the website for the little girl who started Alex's lemonade stand, she died about 10 mo. ago and from her little beginning of a lemonade stand she was on most morning programs (Today, GMA, etc.) and had a horse named Alex's Afleet run in the Kentucky Derby. Her organization raised 5 million this year for brain tumor research. Her journey from 1 yr. old diagnosis to 8 yrs. old when she died is like many others, dramatic, heroic, courageous and heartbreaking but her legacy may be what helps scientists to eventually help all our kids with cancer. I am thankful for caringbridges and the support it affords like-minded people and the connection it brings to hurting people from people like those of you who still read T-Bone's.
I am still writing thank-yous, reading a book called "letters from God", "Deeper than Tears" and "Moments for those who have lost a loved one". I still have tons of things I want/need to do like remembrances of Trent for special friends and family, some specific things like death cert. to a couple of places, his cell phone number to deal with, general sorting of his things and house things. Really things got out of hand starting during Christmas when you think you will start a new in the new year. However, shortly after all three kids went back to school late January, things went haywire and we were in and out of Chicago several times, Iowa City numerous times, Dallas County Hospital several times while I was trying to work from home and then I didn't leave IMMC for three weeks, we had a funeral and now we are trying to cope day in and day out. I am not making much progress in physical things at home but I think I am making some progress mentally, however slowly. I am willing to be out and about around people but very few will ever know the indigestion, chest pain, shortness of breath and general anxiety feelings that go on underneath. I think as long as I am not pulling the blinds and staying in bed, not letting the phone ring, not letting someone ring the doorbell and hiding, not avoiding emails I am probably making progress...........(thank you to those who ring the phone, the doorbell, send the emails and continue to care for me)
My life is so blessed by the people who are a part of it; my family, my church, my work, my friends. One of the books decribed how we can feel pain and joy at the same time. An example was how our eye looking at the sun can feel intense pain and you have to close your eye and it begins to tear and yet the same eye is capable of seeing the beauty of a sunset or the brilliance of a rainbow and without pain. Such is our sorrow. We feel weak, feeble and a pain with a depth we never knew was possible and almost simulataneously feel God working in our life through the midst of the pain so joy breaks through and know we are getting stronger and learning to lean and trust God more at the same time. Enduring this pain makes me wonder, what exciting plans does God have for me?
What you look for in life....you will surely find. But the direction in which you look is up to you....
~Arthur Gordon
So for me, just as I will look up in the direction of the sun with its potential for both pain and beauty, I will look to God for joy in midst of my sorrow .......and that is the direction I will look.
Peace to you........
Monday, June 6, 2005 9:32 PM CDT
Dear Faithful and Compassionate Friends~
I am sitting here trying to take inventory of where I am as a fairly new grieving parent. Gosh, that sounds so heavy.... grieving parent. Well, to start with I think I'll drop that phrase. Maybe I will describe myself as new parent of a child in heaven~~there that in itself puts my heart and mind in better perspective. God continues to draw me closer to Him through his word, prayer and many friends and family. I have read several more books and each one of them seems to add a new dimension to my understanding of what has happened to us and how it all fits together. I wish I could osmose to everyone in my life some of what I have gained from the experiences and wisdom of the writers in these books. I am grateful that others have taken the time to write their books on their experiences as they have served as an encouragement to me. I am told from these writers as well as personal friends in this club~~the club nobody wants to join (parents who have buried a child) that the sorrow will not go away but it will change.
Last week Danny and I were talking about our lives evolving; being a family and all that entails has seemed so typical and normal until now. Marriage, kids/parenting, (the ups and downs of both), graduating them, being grandparents, etc., never wanting to go backwards~always looking forward to the next exciting chapters. We feel so blessed by God with our family and friends and yet almost parallel to that a fleeting wish for the simple times of being a kid with absolutely no burdens to carry~~particularly this newly imposed one of living without Trent. It's hard to explain, but the gravity of having your child die is like a see-saw at the park. You can go down so low, so quickly, then you thrust your feet down and try to go back up sometimes you only glide to the middle and maintain for awhile. Other times you bump high enough in the air, escaping to childhood moments and thoughts of wishing we could just hop on our bike and ride to the pool or have a pick-up game of ball on Webster school grounds and leave this grief thing behind. Danny and I have both experienced this fleeting desire for the simplicities of our childhood and I guess it's probably all a part of the coping mechanism.
I won't deny that there are times I am mad that Trent is not here enjoying all the graduation parties, our family gatherings, baseball games, golf with his friends, his little buddy Avery or even that some people are given 100+ years here. Calvin is the first to remind me that it wasn't "the plan" for Trent. Isaiah 46:11b says this: "Exactly as I say it, I have it happen. Just as I plan, I do it." Remembering God's "plan" & "heaven" are two words that help curb our selfish wants for him here. Trent doesn't miss us and would not opt to return here if given the chance!
Danny, Mindy, Calvin and I gave scholarships in Trent's name on the Friday before graduation. It was an emotional time for us as well as many people in attendance. Our PHS award ceremony is awesome and there are many memorial scholarships. We had approximately 26 graduation invitations over 3 weeks and 4 towns and we attended all but two (Minnesota and Dike, Ia.) We were so happy to be invited as we know and love so many kids that were almost all friends/parents of Trent's and us. Through all of Trent's activities we have made wonderful friendships and these people are an important part of our support system. The day after Perry's graduation was Memorial Day. It really was a peaceful, beautiful place at the cemetary and I spent quite a bit of time there that weekend taking it all in and putting many flowers on our many relatives graves there. The Garber's and Muh's and I had some quality time on Sunday there. Another parent who has buried a child said to me "it is still so hard to believe I have a child here" ~~ ditto to that. I also watched cousin Alex during her state golf outing for 2 days (team finished 6/8 in 3A and Alex was 15 out of 48~so very proud of them all!) and then helped her mom get ready for her graduation this past Friday and it was a great party! Back to Memorial Day, we had a great grill-out at brother Andy's house at noon and then went to Grandma Helen's for fried chicken for supper with almost all the Conklin side there. While Calvin and Danny went to golf between meals I went to the cemetary and proceeded to have a melt down. Kathy & Dar, Cynthia & Liz happened by about that time and just sat by me and let me weep. Darn thing, this sorrow, strong and in control one minute and a mess of tears and sobs the next. My niece/nephews (kids of sister Judy) gave me the most wonderful gift before they left for home on Memorial Day. It is a thumb print from Trent turned into a charm and/or necklace. They had worked with Marcus at the funeral home and got him the necessary ink, etc. to get Trent's thumbprint and have it made. I am thrilled and frequently find myself holding it between my fingers and feeling the raised print. We plan to order a few more for all of us. Went to great-nephew Marshall's little league game which brings back floods of sweet memories of endless hours at the ballpark with Trent and his friends. Next door at the high school field, Trent and Alec started a left field tailgaiting party last year at home games which Mindy, Avery, Danny and I always joined in on. The friends invited us over that same night as Marshall's game but I just couldn't bear to go there. It was the highlight of Trent's summer last year and I just couldn't do it. Danny, Mindy and Avery went and Danny admitted it was very difficult but he wants to push through it. I for now will just settle for listening on the radio which I did tonight~ our Nate-o and company beat Carlisle tonight! Good job Bluejays!!
I plan to go back to work next week. My boss has offered me to start part-time and see how it goes. I know there are things that will improve with having some routine restored. I am also very aware my focus is at times alittle distracted. I pray that I can transition back smoothly. I have a wonderful work family and look forward to being with them again! I still continue to read, read, read intermingled with writing thank-yous. Today I went to all three Perry public schools and read my carefully prepared thank-yous over their PA sytems. I wanted to personally thank them for the hard work and effort the school staff and kids put towards "go the distance day for Trent". Tomorrow I will go to St. Pats where Trent went to school 2nd through 8th grade. That will be emotional for me....(oh well, what else is new?) Last year Trent and I went over together and brought the kids treats and thanked them for their jeans day money for gas to Iowa City that winter and all the cards, prayers and support. Tomorrow I will repeat it but alone.
So 2 months today have passed since we lost Trent and we have crossed several firsts which means those things will never be firsts again~~and therefore should be alittle easier next year??!! Oh, back up, I read in one of my books, why do we say we "lost someone" if we know where they are~can they be lost? "plan" & "HEAVEN"
This journal is helping me to retrace my tears and chart my progress. I don't know what on earth it could do for anyone else who reads it but somehow I think it may have some purpose. I pray that it would be that you can see that God is carrying us through the deepest of all heartaches, drawing us closer to Him and using you all in the process. I have been able to see beyond the pain how blessed we as a family were that God placed the child with the angelic face here on earth in our familiy to love and be loved for 19 years. I know Trent taught us much about living, smiles, laughter, endurance, courage, friendship, unconditional love, respect, faith ....a few of his gifts which have served to move us closer to God. Though we miss his presence terribly each and everyday God uses others to show us compassion and comfort. Last night sitting in the living room talking pretty discretely about Trent and how how we are coping, Danny and I both simultaneously began to cry but yet we were trying to conceal it from the eachother and Avery who was sitting across the room coloring. In our tears we talked again talked how the depth of the pain is deeper, what seems to trigger it and also the things we are pushing forward to and not retreating. Our in-house distraction, little Avery who had been coloring away must have noticed (kids have great perception) and left the room and came back with kleenex for Grandpa & Grandma. We told her we were just missing Trent who was in heaven with Jesus. She just looked at us both as though she completely understood and went back to coloring, bless her heart!
I saw a t-shirt on a kid at the park the other night and I think it said something like the old phrase: No pain/no gain, I don't remember exactly what it said but it caught my eye. I think of pain in a whole different way these days. Instead of fearing pain, I have experienced a pain like no other and have come through it still believing that God doesn't waste pain.
"You let the distress (pain) bring you to God, not drive you from him. The result was all gain, no loss." II Corinthians 7:9
Trent didn't lose~he gained eternal life and we have not lost him~~he is safe in heaven. We gained richer lives because of him and by our faith we are heaven-bound and we will live with him in eternity!
Safely Home~ by Dicksons
I am home in Heaven Dear ones: Oh, so happy and so bright! There is perfect joy and beauty In this everlasting light. All the pain and grief is over, Every restless tossing passed; I am now At peace forever. Safely home in Heaven At last.
Thank you our faithful people who continue to call us, write us, visit us, distract us, treat us, pat us, read up on us(through this site) and occasionally post a note and last but not least pray for us.
All gain~~No loss! You are our gain.......your support gives us strength and courage to press on!
~Peace...
Miners
Tuesday, May 24, 2005 12:56 AM CDT
Hello Trent family~
I am so thankful for these back to back beautiful days! In fact there have been several over the last week. They do have such a uplifting effect on all of us.
I have never trained for or ran a marathon but I feel like this grief thing is akin to marathon....you keep trying to pace yourself and yet unlike a marathon where you train and know the course, this race doesn't have a chartered course; consequently I am not always prepared and can't see some of the obstacles until after I have encountered them head on. The scriptures, my faith and my intellectual self tells me that I can and should focus on my certain belief of eternal life in heaven and that Trent would not trade places with any of us; that he enjoys a beauty unmeasured by what I experienced in back to back beautiful days. My head knows it~~unfortunately my heart at times lags way behind.
In the last few weeks I have spent time talking with at least 6 other couples who are "bereaved parents". From them I have been replenished with a much needed drink in the race, a towel to wipe my brow or the listening ear and the gentle encouragement they give me. I tell them that I know this marathon of grief doesn't have a finish line but there are times I have trouble seeing if I am gaining any endurance or am just becoming weaker on the course. My bereaved parent friends range in years from burying their children from 25 years, 8, 4, 2 and two are 1 week and 3 weeks after Trent. The Nunez's from Carlisle who lost their beautiful 10 year old daughter Logan to a brain tumor 16 days after Trent commiserate the acute pain that we are feeling. Those of us in the early stages agreed that when we are asked by truly caring persons "how are you doing?" a phrase that keeps coming to mind is "this sucks". While it is a phrase I detested to hear thrown around by kids today, I find that for some reason it keeps seeming to fit my sorrow. Though it may offend some of you, the definition of sucks is: to be extremely or disgustingly unpleasant or objectionable. Jeremiah 6:14 "you can't heal a wound by saying it's not there" So, yeah, there are times, this just sucks! I am pushing myself to participate and enjoy the things that I know I would if Trent were still here. Things like going Friday with parents to Carroll to watch Trent's buddies win their golf meet to go to state and going to Carroll today and sharing in the joy of Cousin Alex's medalist honors and her Perry girls team winning 2nd to go to state! Helping Klise's and Luett's last Thursday decorate and set-up graduation parties for their boys and then attending the party for Alec and Luda and being so proud of them! Seeing all of Trent's friends and their parents all gathered and celebrating this wonderful time in their lives! Last week a funeral and reception at St. Pats gym where Trent spent hours and hours playing BB, the band concert of nephews Marshall and Katie in the PHS gym~~again where Trent spent hours and hours. An evening with friends for supper and laughter Saturday. When I mentally prepare for those times and events I seem to make it through. It's the day to day reminders; music & TV shows he liked, pictures, the left over "Bomb Pops" in the freezer~a special request not too long ago by Trent, the wonderful T-Bone bracelets on so many people's wrists, his room, his billfold, his cell phone, a hundred maroon blazers just like his on the roads. The memories are everywhere I go and even though I don't dwell on them they seem to gather in your mind like rain clouds until finally the clouds must burst. Yesterday after attending an out of town graduation (which I thought would be an easy event) I was overcome with sadness (the cloud was full) and I went to the cemetery to be alone, to moan and cry and purge the grief. Buried within a very short distance of Trent is Chris Muhs who golfed with Trent on the varisty squad when Chris was a senior and Trent was a freshman. Chris died at age 19 in a car accident on his way back to Iowa State one month into his freshman year of college. Also very close is David Dinh who was Trent's classmate and next door neighbor who died a week after Trent in a car accident while in army training to go to Iraq. It just so happened that all three of us mothers were there at the same time. David's mom sat at David's grave with her 18 yr. old son that is graduating this week. Kathy and I stood between Trent's and Chris' graves and cried and talked together for 2 hrs. As always happens, God brought the right person to me, at the right time and the right place. My wailing on Kathy's shoulder helped cleanse my heart and my spirit. Thank you God for Kathy.
Calvin should have graduated last Sat. from Iowa. He took his finals but his professors had allowed him the rest of the summer to complete assignments he missed during the last two months and he had one on-line course to do. He was cleared to "walk" for graduation but said he just didn't feel like it with the open credits. Last Sunday night he called and said he was really having trouble getting motivated, the other 3 roommates had graduated and one was already packing up to move back to Chicago. He decided to drop the on-line course, start a 3 week compressed course there and stay and get all the loose ends tied up and be done. He registered on-line that night and went to the class Monday at 9:00. Long story short, this was a professor that Trent had for 3 weeks this spring, he thought so much of Trent, had saved his emails and had the article from the front page of "The Daily Iowan" up on the bulletin board. I think he was glad to have Calvin in his class and talked alot about Trent with him. Calvin was home this wkend after being gone for 3 weeks and we all were glad to see him. Mindy has enjoyed some time off and will start classes again June 1st. She and Avery spend alot of time outside with her Barbie car and "bike" and frequent trips to Aunt Cherlyn, Uncle Mark-o, Katie and Jenny's house. Avery loves all her aunts and uncles and their kids and grandkids. She really had a good time at the graduation party and soaks up those friends of Trent's that are a part of her life because of Trent. Zach and Amber, Harris and Zach's mom Pat were by for a great visit tonight before Zach takes off with his (Wartburg) baseball team to play in the World Series. (yeah!!) They successfully wound-up Miss Avery and currently Mindy is trying to get her to calm down and go to bed (some things don't change~~that is good:)!
I read in "A time to Mourn a time to Dance" that after this kind of loss that the numbness we feel is a gift but that about 6-8 weeks after, the numbness does begin to wear off and we really begin to feel the depth of the pain and the loneliness. We are now at 6 weeks after our loss and this certainly validated my feelings. I read this to Danny and his response was "I would agree with that". Though Danny and I grieve differently we both are experiencing that the episodes of loneliness for Trent are agonizing; they can happen upon waking, driving to meet a friend, in the grocery store or even in a crowded room at a party. They maybe unknown to others but not unknown to God. "I am He who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you. I will sustain you and I will rescue you". Isaiah 46:4
So, as each one of us in Trent's family are grieving individually we collectively move forward as a family. We are making progress. We know God won't abandon us in the marathon and he continues to use you all to line the course we run on, loving us, cheering and encouraging us on.....an ever present sign to us that God is faithful.
I know I have thanked God for all the blessings in my life (like you all) time and time again. I am beginning to understand how to thank him for the thorns. (the prayer below came in an email)
"Dear God, I have never thanked You for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to You along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of Your rainbow look much more brilliant."
Praise God for your roses, thank God for your thorns.
In the book "From my grieving heart to yours" the author states "I shall move forward in this healing process, I shall by God's grace be a blessing, instead of needing to be blessed"
My prayer as well........
Friday, May 13, 2005 4:49 PM CDT
"You are my hiding place from every storm of life....I will instruct you and guide you along the best pathway for your life; I will advise you and watch your progress." Psalm 32:7,8
I sit here trying to reflect on a week that has been filled with both rainstorms & sun both physically & mentally. If I tried to avoid writing about the rain storms I would not be able to share with you how God is using both to continue his work in our family through the loss of our sweet Trent. Monday I spent most of the day writing thank-yous. I hate to say I enjoy writing them but in some weird way I do. It is my chance to savor while remembering all of things that have been done for us and then try to condense it into a small paragraph to each person I am writing. Because of time and space it becomes a weak attempt to personally thank our Trent family for the many kindnesses shown to us. Tuesday was more thank-yous and errands. Tuesday evening I had a lovely evening with some friends and then it started to rain. It rained right into Wednesday which was a special day for us. St. Pat's school invited us over for a dedication/blessing of a tree that was planted for Trent. Father Polich gathered the kids and staff around the tree and talked about Trent being a part of the St. Pat's family and how he died to Christ and like the tree lives so does Trent with Christ. The only rain that fell during the dedication was from our eyes as it was a very bittersweet time of remembering our Trent.
Next stop was the high school track for the "Go the Distance Day" where the entire jr. high and high school were outside at the football field. They had sack lunches and every student in the district was to spend a 1/2 hr. doing some kind of exercise. There were masses of walkers, footballs, frisbees, softballs flying, line dancing, etc. Harris and Kirk were able to come home from Iowa City for the day and we found them there walking the track (well they did once I know). The rain began about 3:00 and continued on through the entire night. It didn't seem to deter too many from attending the wonderful benefit for our family; the radio stated over 500 attended! I could have never imagined our family being the object of a "benefit" like this. The pouring of the rain on the roof was mirrored by the pouring of blessings in our lives and hearts during this heartwarming evening. Thank you to all the planners, volunteers, donators, buyers, eaters, conversationalists, etc. We were thrilled when we were privileged to meet our friend Hollister and his family! It was a delightful evening and one we will never forget.
At the benefit it was time to say goodbye to Harris and Kirk but another milestone had to be taken care of. I gave Harris Trent's dorm keys to be turned in this Saturday on move out day. Off and on this last week I had been feeling sad thinking about not being like the other parents getting to have their kids move home. Like all his friends, Trent had a summer of fun planned, mowing with Zach, Okobojii with Alex, tailgating at PHS baseball games, alittle golf and plenty of X-box parties. Like many things I have not looked forward to doing, I grieve more, long before the what I have to do and when it's time I put on my "I can do this" face. I gave Harris the keys matter of factly, talked about other items of Trent's at the dorm, etc., gave both boys a hug and issued my usual "watch for deer" spiel. I left the benefit and decided I was up to a drive through the cemetary in the dark as I wanted to check the solar lantern I had put out there. Yep, it was glowing nicely and the Hawkeye flag was hanging straight and still (no wind,no rain) and it made me feel good. Onto home, I walked in the house at 9:30 to see what I had forgotten~~ Harris told me he would be leaving off things of Trent's inside the front door. A new wave of grief came over me, but I must remind myself that, no, Trent doesn't accompany them here but then again he doesn't need these things anymore~he's in heaven! In the book "Heaven" the question is asked...."What will heaven be like"? It's an eternal home with Christ, I'll just move into the part of the Father's house he prepared for me. No fixing up the place, no parts unfinsihsed, no disappointments on moving day. No, he's prepared it, he's made it completely ready, completely perfect, completely mine. And so it is for Trent.
Thank you all for continuing to post such thoughtful and encouraging words on the website. My regular email family has been faithful to write me and send worthwhile forwarded stores as well. Last night two really touched me and I want to share them. One spoke to me about how the Lord can heal in times of deep grief and use you when you are broken hearted (Tommy Dorsey story~link below). The other (The Heart) is a story that reminds me of God's love and purpose of Trent's short life.
The Heart
“Tomorrow morning,” the surgeon began, “I'll open up your heart... “You'll find Jesus there,” the boy interrupted. The surgeon looked up, annoyed, “I'll cut your heart open,” he continued, to see how much damage has been done...” “But when you open up my heart, you'll find Jesus in there,” said the boy. The surgeon looked to the parents, who sat quietly. “When I see how much damage has been done, I'll sew your heart and chest back up, and I'll plan what to do next.” “But you'll find Jesus in my heart. The Bible says He lives there. The hymns all say He lives there. You'll find Him in my heart.” The surgeon had had enough. “I'll tell you what I'll find in your heart. I'll find damaged muscle, low blood supply, and weakened vessels. And I'll find out if I can make you well.” “You'll find Jesus there too. He lives there.”
The surgeon left. The surgeon sat in his office, recording his notes from the surgery, “...damaged aorta, damaged pulmonary vein, widespread muscle degeneration. No hope for transplant, no hope for cure. Therapy: painkillers and bed rest. Prognosis:, here he paused, “death within one year.” He stopped the recorder, but there was more to be said. “Why?" he asked aloud. “Why did You do this? You've put him here; You've put him in this pain; and You've cursed him to an early death. Why?”
The Lord answered and said, “The boy, My lamb, was not meant for your flock for long, for he is a part of My flock, and will forever be. Here, in My flock, he will feel no pain, and will be comforted as you cannot imagine. His parents will one day join him here, and they will know peace, and My flock will continue to grow.”
The surgeon's tears were hot, but his anger was hotter. “You created that boy, and You created that heart. He'll be dead in months. Why?” The Lord answered, “The boy, My lamb, shall return to My flock, for He has Done his duty: I did not put My lamb with your flock to lose him, but to retrieve another lost lamb.” The surgeon wept..
The surgeon sat beside the boy's bed; the boy's parents sat across from him. The boy awoke and whispered, “Did you cut open my heart?” “Yes," said the surgeon. “What did you find?” asked the boy. “I found Jesus there,” said the surgeon.
Author Unknown - Celebrate Jesus in 2005
Most of us that are asked to bear painful losses probably won't see in this lifetime the "why". Some of the rain that fell this week was excruciating pain in my heart. I know God uses rain for cleansing and growth in our physical world and I pray he uses it the same in my spiritual life. If you visit the website (listed right below) you will see how God used a broken man in an awesome way.
http://www.palletmastersworkshop.com/birth.html
DO NOT FEAR TOMORROW. GOD IS ALREADY THERE...(anonymous)
All I can say to that is.... "Thank God"!!!!
Sunday, May 8, 2005 9:47 PM CDT
Happy (end of the day) Mother's Day to all you moms! Hope it was a good one. We could use a rain here but it bypassed us today. I thought I was mentally geared up and predicted (to myself) that I was going to get through this as good as any other day. Guess my odds were about as good as the horse that won the Kentucky Derby yesterday... 50 to 1 that I could skate through a Mother's Day this year without alot of memories and tears. There is nothing astounding about my years as a mother, compared to some of the 80 and 90 year old grandmothers but I was thinking about my life as a mother today. For 27 years I have been privileged to be called a mom and for the last 19 years it was from three different voices. Mother's days do come and go and we probably don't usually remember exactly what we did one year to the next unless something stands out differently. I do remember last year because my three kids were not here at all. A year ago Trent had been wanting to go over to Iowa City (imagine that after all the trips for radiation and doctor visits) as he wanted to stay with Calvin. Mindy and her friend Haley decided to go over to Iowa City that Saturday and offered to take Trent with them. They met up with Calvin and had a good time and ventured back home early Sunday evening with a nice card from all three of them and a large geranium planter that I had all summer long on the deck. I really felt that it was a Mother's Day gift in itself that the three of them were together enjoying eachother! What an important memory that I can tuck in my heart that our children loved and enjoyed eachother.
I received many emails from people wanting to especially wish me well on this Mother's Day. I even had a message on my phone from a wonderful lady here in town who I don't necessarily run around with and don't really see very often but who is a mom I greatly admire, just to tell me that first thing when she woke up this morning she thought of her mom and then I came to her mind next and she just had to let me know. Also had lots of nice personal emails. One in particular was especially moving. It was from a wonderful, funny, character of a gal who was born and raised in Perry. She was one of 3 kids and her brother died suddenly when she was 10. I The beautifl note from her last night told me of how she found our caringbridge site a week ago, read through it all (long story short), that after 42 years she was grieving really for the first time over her brother's death and she was THANKING ME! Hey! No thanks is due here....take a look.....My pain of loss, her gain of being able to work through some grief and then she writes to thank me!?? God surprises me in the midst of sorrow by weaving in signs that alot of what I am going through has worth and value. C.S. Lewis writes in his book called "A Grief Observed":
"God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn't" All I can say is thank you God for in a small way using me in someone else's life!
Back to my odds for thinking I could buck up and make Mother's Day a day like any of the last few days, no worse, maybe even better. Okay, I cried my usual at Sunday church, cemetary visit, emails, posts. Then there was gifts/card from Mindy, Avery and Calvin, Zach, personal friends, giving my own mom her gift, card from Libby and Alex, letter from nephew Michael and a few conversations here and there with family while having a wonderful meal at Jill & Mike's. Well, I guess crying driving to my work to leave T-Bone bracelets, card/basket of treats. Crying after arriving in the parking lot at work and remembering the last time I was there was on the way home from radiation mapping. Danny and I stopped early evening for me to pick up work, Trent was in the back seat vomiting and I had to empty the bucket of stuff in the grass where we parked. Next, getting to my desk and finding a BEAUTIFUL frame and picture of Trent waiting for me. Or, maybe the very nice gentleman at the check-out where I was buying a couple of garden things (angel and a solar light) for the cemetary who said "Happy Mother's Day" and then said, "well I presume you are a mother?" and then "how many children?" Or on the way home listening to oldies and the song from the funeral "Here comes the Sun" plays or when Niebuhrs have us stop by to give us a T-bone remembrance......
Well, it sounds like I cried all day, but believe it or not there were times of joy and laughter! With some time of prayer and reflection of my own, prayers and encouragement from you and my wonderful friends and family I have been able to make this Mother's Day (like last years) one that I will always remember. The odds were not in my favor to breeze through today, though tonight I wrap up this day feeling blessed because I have a husband I love and who loves me; is patient with me, a mother who I can still hug; tell I love, two wonderful children and a granddaughter to love and a peace that the one we dearly love and miss, Trent, our angel in heaven smiles over us all.
From Walter Wangerin, Jr. "Mourning into Dancing"~~~
SORROW and JOY are not separate. HAPPINESS and SADNESS may be the opposites of one another, but not JOY and SORROW. In fact, it is through SORROW that one discovers a calm, abiding, indestructible JOY. This is the paradox of our faith: JOY IS FORGED IN SORROW.
You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
John 16:20 NIV
Being a mother is joy.......Happy Mother's Day!
Friday, May 6, 2005 4:52 PM CDT
Well, it's me again, writing some thoughts on May 6th, a day that carries some significance. A month has passed since Trent died, April 6th. This has been a beautiful day, much like that one was. We are not sure if it seems like eternity since this all happened or if it seems like this morning. That's how confused and numb you can feel one moment and how raw you can feel in a matter of minutes. One thing we know is in heaven there isn't time so Trent hasn't missed us and to him when we arrive there too it will be like a blink of an eye. In some way this is a new beginning for us, that is learning to live in a physical world without Trent. I am learning so much in my grieving and maybe it can be used to pass it on to some of you. You might have noticed I wrote Trent died, not Trent passed or got angel wings (like before). One of the books written called "The bereaved parent" did describe the difference and it is one I could grasp though I didn't exactly like it (you probably don't either). Saying died eventually helps us face reality and put into perspective that there is death and there is life. As the author states, those are cold, brutal but true words but it helps us move from just existing and going through the motion to realizing "I am alive". As you hear so many people say when they are sad and in a grief state, I have to move on....what choice do I have? Well, there is choice to get stuck in any one of the processes of grief. As sad as this feels I know I don't want to feel like this forever and that others keep encouraging us that we won't either. One part of my brain says I want it to end and another says, no it can't ever end. The Bible tells us in Isaiah 60:20 "your days of mourning....will end". Certainly it is hard to think about mourning ever ending as it feels like it means that Trent is forgotten or we "are over him". The price tag on loving so much is grieving so much...guess I'll pay the price! This probably all sounds confusing but another author stated that "mourning is a complex activity" so I am probably getting an A on being complex!
The Bible says that when you are weak He makes you strong and that God is close to the brokenhearted. I meet both of those descriptions so God is near and taking good care of me. Also read that grieving takes patience (by the one grieving)..... you all could probably attest that so does being the listeners, friends and family of the ones closest to the grief. Thank you Danny, Mindy and Calvin for being patient with me. My work family continues to support me and allow me time to heal~not putting timeframes on me as well as close family, friends and all of you readers and posters out there.
Can't remember if I told you of the family next door to us that tragically lost their 18-yr-old son (who was in the service) from a car accident in Louisiana one week after Trent. They were both in last years graduating class and are now buried near eachother. We had not neighbored a whole lot over the few years they lived there but I can see from our conversations and tears together that we are going to develop a friendship that will help us all as we progress forward. His younger brother graduates from Perry High this month and he is having a hard time. The young boy who died was David Dinh and his brother is Danny. Please keep that family in your prayers.
Next Wed. is "Go the Distance Day" for Trent. Most of Trent's college friends are busy with finals and voiced how they would like to be here but they need to stay at school and finish up well this semester~~as a mom I whole-heartedly agree! Today two friends called to get the times as they just have to drive home for the day. It will be an emotional day for us.
I have asked people at different times if they have ever read about how CaringBridge started and the answer is usually no. It is intersting to click on the top of the webpage where it says "learn about us". This will take you to the story of a miracle life 1# baby girl named Brighid. You can go back and read her parent's journal entries through that page as well. Through her short 9 days of life a website called Caringbridge was born. What a blessing her brief physical life has been to multitudes who never knew her. I thank God for this legacy of Caringbridge as it ministered to Trent and now us everyday. Thank you God and thank you little Brighid!
"I pray that you will begin to understand how incredibly great His power is to help those who believe Him"
Ephesians 1:19 The Living Bible
How well I know......
Love Joelle
Saturday, April 30, 2005 9:05 PM CDT
I feel silly writing "dear" anymore in this journal. I think, geez, just who am I writing to and who would still be reading our journal? Although the "hits" number still goes up, it might just be me still checking fairly often for a new guestbook entry and reading through previous beautiful entries from what seems like a lifetime ago.
As I knew it would be~~this is a very difficult time of the grieving process. I think I speak for Danny, Mindy and Calvin and our extended family too that it is hard to believe this has happened. I feel like my brain is numb and my heart has a gash, sometimes it hemorrhages and other times it just seeps. It is being selfish to wish we could see, talk and hug Trent but we know he is enjoying a new life unlike anything we know. The author of our book entitled "Heaven" uses Bible verses to give us a better picture of what heaven is like and we truly believe heaven is all the wonderful things here that are beautiful without any of the ugly things in the presence of the Lord. Trent is saying I'm home, I'm doing fine, I'll be here when you get here. The other thing..... if you aren't a believer ..... Trent is praying for you, cause he wants you there someday with him.
We have not gone to bed particularly early most of the time, I think it is our reluctance to let go of the day for fear of the night. That probably doesn't make sense but I personally don't want any chance of being awake in the night. I do sleep well but mornings seem to be a bad time. It's when you have to start all over getting used to the idea of what has happened. I fight the tears and feelings and then finally get a book (one of lots so many of you have given me) and begin to read. I am astounded how reading God's words about pain in this life and what it means to us and to Him changes my whole perspective and I can get my attitude in a different direction. In one book the parent who lost a child said that a well-meaning person said to them as parents "well, at least you have eachother". As she explained, in one sense yes, you as parents had been through this gut-wrenching experience in every way and sense of the word, however, a grieving parent has little room to console the other grieving parent, you are just too overwhelmed trying to cope yourself. Thank goodness for the on-going love and support from friends and family who have not let up on keeping us busy and distracted with invitations to spend time with them frequently. Trent's friends and cousin Alex have been good to drop by and that makes us feel close to Trent. We are grateful that we have Mindy and Avery here and Calvin much of the time. I know it has been hard for them to work on school to finish up this spring. I think the word "focus" has new meaning to us all~~it is very difficult to focus or concentrate to even make small decisions, etc.
I have had to make phone calls that were very hard to discontinue some things for Trent (like the apt. in Iowa City for fall, school issues, etc.) We will have to go get his dorm things home in a couple of weeks and Calvin has graduation there too. Calvin has an appt. to have all 4 wisdom teeth out Monday a.m. and after that I will be working very hard on thank-yous. Some have said don't try to do it (just do a general one in the paper) but I have talked to other parents who have lost a child and they felt as I do that even if it takes a long time (one lady a year)it is something I need to do for Trent and for me (and the family). I hope people are patient.
Tonight is Perry's Prom. Cousin Alex's boyfriend (and Trent's friend) Kirk Dorman drove Trent's car home from Iowa City for us yesterday. We were not ready to have it parked here at home (Avery always associates his car with "Trent's home") and thought we would put in our shed for awhile. In the meantime we asked Kirk and Alex if they would be interested in driving it to Prom. Trent's car sure isn't anything special but it just made us feel like there was a connection for us to kids and tonight's prom. They cleaned it up for us today and seemed very glad to do it for us. Alex and Kirk looked awesome! A few tears as usual.
I want to tell you of another young man who could use your support and prayers. I was told of his website and what a blessing it was by a mutual friend. It was finally the push I needed to get Trent's done that same day. We went off to Chicago and things sorta got involved and intense from there. Again, another mutual friend mentioned a boy named Hollister to me and I realized it was the same young man I had heard of earlier. I began to follow his website and found out his mom had been following ours and had mentioned Trent in her journal on April 7th. I finally have connected with Hollister's mom and asked her permission to list his website as a link on Trent's just in case there are still people reading Trent's. She was glad to have me do this and if you are able to, please include Hollister and his family as a family in need of prayers, support and encouragement.
"We've come out of this with.....faith intact.....but it wasn't by any fancy footwork on our part. It was God who kept us focused on Him, uncompromised."
II Corinthians 1:12
We thank God for all of you, near and far that care for us..... Love Joelle & family
Thursday, April 21, 2005 4:43 PM CDT
Dear friends and family~
"We are.....troubled but not crushed; sometimes in doubt, but never in despair; there are many enemies but we are never without a friend; and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed." II Cor 4: 8,9
It has been a hard week for us. We wax and wane between trying to trudge along and yet being so sad at times. Danny leaves early in the morning and many times stops by Trent's grave to watch the sun come up. He says it is so beautiful and serene and he feels close to God and Trent there. His days at the country club are very busy but he says spending time where all three kids spent their summers either at the pool, on the golf course or helping him brings back great memories and is therapeutic. Mindy is still in one class for school but due to the time lost in her clinical rotation the school did not feel they could provide the staff to help her catch that up and to tell you the truth she really was not emotionally up to being in a hospital and taking care of sick people this quickly. She will have summer classes and contnue in her nursing from there. Calvin is here several days early in the week and then goes back to Iowa City for a couple days and then back home. He is trying to keep things up to graduate this spring but the professors have granted him incompletes if he needs them to finish everything this summer. Avery is thoroughly enjoying Calvin around here and he is having fun with her. Her 3 year old antics bring a smile to us and remind us of what a gift from God every child is. She told us the other night "we are going to see Trent tomorrow". When asked where she said "at the hospital" ~the last place she played with him running in and out of his room when Kirk, Harris, Zach, Kelly and Breck were there and kissed him goodbye about 10 days before he died. She was always very excited when she saw Trent's car at home so when it comes back from Iowa City we'll have to work through that conversation. Me? I am in a pretty sad mode but have tried to read books to try and take the right steps to help me cope. There are many details for me to tend to, lots of paperwork that take my mind off Trent and our hurting family. The sun sure does help and I know God has not abandoned us but it doesn't make this feeling of sadness go away. The website, cards, calls and visits are a good distraction and really help us all. There still comes a time when you need to be alone, the heart to ache, the wound to ooze and the tears to drop so healing can begin. I hope my friends and family know I am just working through a necessary stage. Thank you to everyone for continuing to care for all of us in so many ways. The poem from Aaron and continued encouragement here is still a tremendous blessing.
Last year Trent was in Iowa City for treatment on one of the Star 102.5 several-day Children's Miracle Network's telethon. He had been asked to be interviewed and he agreed to do it. They have a tribute on their website which I have put below as a link you can click on. It was emotional interview for him and I listened to the music and bits of his interview they have on this website link and it reminds me how humble he was and how thankful he was. I know if he could amend it instead of thank you to only Perry it would be for the multitudes in Perry and beyond that prayed and helped him in so many ways over his 3 year journey.
I was asked to mention on the this site an upcoming event for kids in the schools here in Perry and an (open to the public) spaghetti supper fundraiser for our family that is Wednesday May 11. I think I will make an entry in the guestbook with the details. It is listed as a fundraiser for medical expenses. The person who originated this whole thing, Jim Hallihan, Director of Iowa Games has explicitly stated it is for our family personally. I guess he thinks since he perfected his coercing abilties coaching with Johnny Orr at Iowa State that messing with me is just going to be a "you will do it" scenario. WRONG! We do have a memorial fund for Trent that we will almost exclusively put back into the community and/or kids in the community. The one exception I know of right now is making a donation to this wonderful organization "Caringbridge" as I feel it has been a part of our community in a sense and it has been invaluable to us. The event on May 11, to get kids exercising, etc. using Trent's fortitude and courage, somewhat as a focus and ending with the supper and an auction will go towards his memorial money. Jim won't win this one! (Love ya Jim:)!!
"...you and your prayers are a part of the rescue operation...I can see your faces even now, lifted in praise for God's deliverance of (us), a rescue in which your prayers played such a crucial part."
II Corinthians 1:11
Thank you to all our blood family (relatives) for being beside us and with us over and over again and the many friends we now call our family too (you)...for helping rescue Trent and all of us in our time of need.
Love Joelle & family
p.s. if you have a moment to read Tyler Deheer's website (link below) you will see a courageous young man and his family that believe they now have an angel named Trent watching over Tyler. Tyler's dad wears a hat with "T" for Trent and Tyler. I hope some of you can take a moment to encourage Tyler and his family.
Wednesday, April 13, 2005 9:00 AM CDT
Dear Caringbridge T-Bone family
From losing my father 23 years ago I know you go through many "firsts" during the first year after someone dies. Well, today at 9:00 a.m. became the first week without the physical presence of Trent. Last Wednesday at a minute or two before 9:00 I came into the room where sisters Joyce and Judy had their chairs facing directly at Trent keeping watch and sister Jill catching a few minutes of sleep beside him. I walked in and could see his breaths were shallow; not saying a word to Trent, I kissed his forehead and went to ask a nurse about his night and current breathing. From his aunts account, almost simultaneously Trent went from my touch to Jesus outstretched arms. I asked the nurse at 9:03 what the time of death was and she said 9:00 a.m. I had an overwhelming feeling immediately when his body was lifeless he was with the Lord. Today I was drawn to the website to write what should be a final note at 8:57 but waited until exactly 9:00 a.m. to write.
Our celebration of Trent's life at his funeral put the exclamation point at the end of that chapter. Thank you to all that had a role in his funeral~it was awesome! Talking to Marcus, our funeral home director right before the funeral started I remarked that we would need 5 seats saved for our family after we placed the lei's on the casket. He didn't correct me but Calvin reminded me we only needed 4. A small thing, but the beginning of adjusting to our changed earthly family. The book I read called "My Beautiful Broken Shell" by Carol Hamblet Adams so describes how we must embrace or journey and how to carry on. Like the mystery of God himself, we don't fully understand how we can be so sad with our loss but so peaceful and soothed with the love from all of you. I have verbalized to many of you about hard times ahead for each of us, fearful we might crash and burn but you all have kept reassuring us both personally and on this website~ "we will be here, we won't let you guys fall". I know this to be true of you all as well as our Father in Heaven. We see Trent in so many ways in our daily life and from time to time we may just need to make record of it and add to this journal. Please don't ever hesitate to write us stories of Trent or times you think of him as we will be compelled to click this site often for tidbits of him or encouragement from you.
When I wanted to read the whole book at the funeral, Calvin and Mindy were worried it might make the service too long. Like I said at the funeral........where do we go from here? I think the book answered that question for us and we hope it spoke to you too. Calvin had noticed the book kept opening to one single page that he thought maybe I could just read it......it is simple but helps us be where we are today~~and it read like this~~
Let me not destroy the beauty of today by grieving over yesterday..... or worrying about tomorrow~
There is the most powerful picture sent to me in a sympathy card by Dina Hastings and then subsequently purchased by Mark & Cherlyn and Andy and Cynthia for us of Jesus embracing someone entering heaven. The likeness of the back of the head of the person being hugged is Trent over and over again. The accompanying saying on the print seems to be our feelings put into words:
Letting Go......
The angels gathered near your side, so very close to you. For they knew the pain and suffering that you were going through.
I thought about so many things as I held tightly to your hand. Oh, how I wished that you were strong and happy once again.
But your eyes were looking homeward to that place beyond the sky, where Jesus held His outstretched arms it was time to say good-bye.
I struggled with my selfish thoughts for I wanted you to stay, so we could walk and talk again like we did....just yesterday.
But Jesus knew the answer and I knew you loved Him so, so I gave to you life's greatest gift the gift of letting go.
The outpouring of support for 3 years, from this site, cards, books, poems, music/CD's, gifts, jar of tears, calls, visits, food, hugs (both real and in statue) and monetary memorials in Trent's name just to name a few things have carved imprints in each of our lives. Notice that this website says..... Caringbride..."be there" You all "were there" for us and Trent. GOD DOES NOT AND HAS NOT WASTED THIS PAIN and we pray we use it wisely as he intended it.
We all know....the ending for today has to be "Thanks for Coming"
Love from the four of us at 1602 Warford... Danny, Joelle, Mindy, Calvin......and Avery makes five.........
Friday, April 8, 2005 2:25 PM CDT
Dear Caring Bridge warriors~
Oh how your posts since our loss of Trent have sustained us!! As always, we are never away from checking T-Bone's site very long and each time, a new message that brings warmth; sometimes in the tears down our face and others just the deep inner warmth a person gets when someone reaches the inner threads of your heart and soul. How could we even attempt to cope without the love of all of you? At times Danny, Calvin, Mindy and I feel overcome with grief and wonder how can we get through just the "right now" and then "down the road", but about that time we are reminded that God didn't take us this far to drop us flat. The sun has been shining so great yesterday and today and the house has been an open door of Trent's friends coming and going and our friends, family and neighbors. Everyone has been so generous and kind. My kitchen is manned at all times and organized for on-going food and fellowship!
This Sunday there is lunch here at our house and you are all invited. One of our very special friends Denny Glick is grilling brats and burgers for all starting about 11:30 and continuing through the afternoon. Visitation at the funeral home with family is 3:00 till 8:00 with a special time of prayer and memories for all friends and family from 7:00 to 8:00. The funeral is Monday at 1:00 at the Johnston Evangelical Free Church in Johnston with burial back here in Perry following. There will be a meal provided for all after the burial at our Elks Lodge. We hope to greet and hug so many of you this weekend or Monday but we also know that is not always possible.
Again, your posts have been uplifting~~just simply the wind beneath our wings!!
Love and prayers..
Miners at 1602 Warford.......
Wednesday, April 6, 2005 1:00 PM CDT
Our beloved Trenton Joel Miner peacefully received his angel wings and met his Lord this morning at 9:00 a.m. with his close family at his side. We are thankful for our few hours at Hospice as we have been surrounded in God's love and wonderful family and friends.
Have read this before but when cousin Jenny brought a bookmark to me a few days ago I knew I needed to keep it handy.
What Cancer Cannot Do~
Cancer is so limited. It cannot cripple love, it cannot shatter hope, it cannot corrode faith, It cannot destroy peace, it cannot kill friendship, it cannot suppress memories, it cannot silence courage, it cannot invade the soul, it cannot steal eternal life, it cannot conquer the spirit. (author unknown)
At this time we think the funeral will be Monday afternoon but not sure of exact time or where. I will update this journal again.
As Trent has said to every single person who came and went even up to the end "thanks for coming". We carry on his grace and love and say, thanks for everything.
The Miners
Tuesday, April 5, 2005 1:33 PM CDT
Dear family and friends
Today, Trent's loving family; mom, dad, Mindy and Calvin have made the difficult but necessary decision to move Trent to Hospice care. This morning we visited the Mercy Hospice in Johnston and that is where we will move as a family between 4 to 5 this afternoon. Of course we are at times broken hearted and somewhat in a fog but we also feel that Trent's life has shone even brighter through these more recent dark days. His spirit and humor have been an incredible testament to his fortitude that is only God given. We continue to believe that he has touched many, many lives through his journey. Recently, a man who had gone through a difficult time passed the following 4 words on to us. GOD DOESN'T WASTE PAIN. I know you all have felt pain right along with us. I see a jar full of many tears of pain nearing the top and soon God will pour that pain out for some greater good some here and some there but none of it wasted. Pastor Charles has been our shepherd and we are grateful to him for his wisdom and grace he has shown and given to us.
We hope that we can continue to look to this site for strength and reassurance in the days to come. Please know that for those who just read and don't write in the guestbook, it has never made us wonder why. Just that anyone has cared to read at all has been a great support to us. To those who have felt like writing please don't stop. Our thanks and love to each one of you.
As always, the Miners @ Methodist 370
Monday, April 4, 2005 11:23 AM CDT
Good Morning friends
Trent had a time of restlessness late last evening followed by some good sleep the rest of the night until 8:00 or so. We decided not to wake him or move him for his scheduled radiation today which means getting him on the transport cart about 6:45 a.m. We are waiting on his pain physician to come by to see if there is any adjustments to be made after the weekend. The new pain med. was an oral pill and we would like it to be changed to it's IV form if possible. Trent has had so many wonderful family members sharing the cares for him in shifts, not out of duty but genuine love for him. His cousins have one at a time been at his bedside tending to him with tender loving care. Though Grandma Helen is not able to be here as much as she would like, she is in spirit every minute of every hour. It is hard to describe the bitter-sweet pride that exists seeing our immediate and extended beautiful family that trickles down from her caring for one of its own. Even though we feel sad at times we have been shown the beauty of life in our earthly family and how blessed we are because of them.
Mindy and Calvin are trying to juggle school and be here as much as possible. Calvin just left for a 1:30 class at Iowa and Mindy is off today anyway. Danny has gone back to get a few things organized for a high school golf tournament tomorrow. Gratefully I am able to just stay here, focused on Trent and don't have any pressures or committments to worry about.
Thanks to those who have organized the food that is brought in and the round the clock sitters and to those who have made the food and come to sit. All of that as well as the cards, emails and posts continue to help us through. Also thanks to those who attended the prayer service last night. It is always a comfort to think of all those praying near and far for us throughout the days and nights.
We send God's love to each of you as we know you are carrying a burden for us as well.
God Bless... Danny, Joelle, Mindy, Calvin, Trent & Avery
Sunday, April 3, 2005 9:50 AM CDT
Danny and I had a good rest in the RV last night. It really is comfortable. If we must get away and sleep I feel good being so close just right outside hospital. The RV has been such a blessing to us all along and continues to fill a need! Uncle Mike and Aunt Jill kept watch for us, tending to any needs Trent might have and report he had a pretty good night as he slept pretty well. He is sleeping soundly right now too. God continues to surround us with his loving arms, comfort and strength through all of you.
Thank you... Joelle & family......
Saturday, April 2, 2005 9:18 PM CST
Hi everyone
We moved Trent to Methodist from Blank last night to room room 370. We thought he would benefit from some cares that might be better provided in the adult oncology area. Dr. Morton was on for the weekend and has seen him last night and today and Dr. Lederhaus an anesthesiologist with pain management specialty has made recommendations for pain control. He made up for lost sleep by sleeping soundly from about 3:00 A.M. to about 5:00 p.m. tonight. Because he is still getting radiation his sleep is so very important right now we are trying to keep things pretty quiet in his room. As much as we love our friends we are trying to keep our energy and time on reserve for Trent so aren't able to visit with you all here at the hospital right now. We'll try to keep a note on here, while likely short, to let you know how he is doing. Thank you for all your continued prayers, thoughts, concerns for all of us. We love you!
The Miners at Methodist 370.
p.s. Danny and I got on-line briefly last night and reading a few day's posts were just what we needed. I shed a few good tears and felt the warmth come right through the computer.
Thursday, March 31, 2005 9:06 PM CST
Note:
This journal entry made by Jill on behalf of Joelle.
Hi to all,
Today was a bit of a rough day for Trent. He did have his radiation treatment early this morning but began to have increasing head/neck pain this afternoon. We are trying to control his pain with increased doses of morphine. And we are trying to eliminate as much stimulation as possible by keeping the room very dark and quiet. The plan is to go forward with his radiation in the morning and we are hopeful that his pain will subside soon.
As you might imagine, Trent isn't quite up to visitors at this time, and our family is quietly keeping watch at his bedside. Perhaps in a few days we'll be able to resume having visitors. In the meantime, we appreciate hearing from you all and receiving your words of encouragement via this web site. Your prayers~ sent in Trent's name~ are always a sourse of comfort for us. Please continue to offer them.
With love and appreciation,
The Miners
Rm 412~Blank Children's Hospital
Wednesday, March 30, 2005 9:37 AM CST
Good Morning!
Judy and Jill report Trent had a pretty good night. Yesterday afternoon Trent was sitting up enjoying visiting with Mindy and Libby when physical therapy came in. He was working pretty hard at exercises and doing well when the nurse gave him Protonix IV which is a stomach protector. He has been on it about 4 days but it appears that Trent's sensitivity to drugs surfaced again and he had a reaction to it~the symptoms being double vision, a general flu like feeling, confusion, very dilated unresponsive pupils. The doctor had not been over so was due to come and stopped shortly after and immediately felt it was the Protonix. It is a once every 24 hr. drug so it had to run its course. He went down for treatment this morning and is back up to bed. Dr. Elliott came by and said looking at his eyes things are totally back to normal and the Protonix was almost assuredly the culprit. We of course worried it was tumor issue. Also, in order to allow Trent to rest more and save effort at frequent urinating a catheter was placed while he had anesthesia this morning. We were afraid he would still have the urge and would fight about it but he says it is fine and has been very comfortable with it. It is a relief to all of us caring for him not to have him work so hard to take care of that frequent occurence. We started a chemotherapy drug last night that has fairly low side-effects that has shown some ability to enhance radiation therapy as well as used to treat tumors that have recurred. Trent has had it once before when he had the clinical trial drug in Chicago although it was a huge dose following by the 48 hrs. of the clinical trial drug that enhances this chemo. Now we are giving it oral once a day.
Danny and I have slept in a twin bed in the respite room. Last night he got the idea to sleep out in the RV for more room (I guess I kick too much??) He was very comfortable in the RV, however, there is a lot of traffic in and around the parking lot, people coming and going as well as life flight flying in and out so I don't think he got much rest. I, however, slept very well about 6 hrs. in the twin bed:)! I think if he sleeps in the RV again he will need earplugs. Jill needs to go home and rest up after two nights "on duty" and no nap. Judy is here and maybe Joyce will bring Grandma Helen down for awhile today. Ryan Glick, friend and "computer guy" came and got Trent's computer. He said it was full of spyware and adaware junk and he would try and clean it up and get it back today. So, since Jill uses her laptop for work, etc. she will need to take it with her I won't probably be on-line until hopefully Ryan gets us back in business.
With no need to abruptly get up today off and on for bathroom stuff we are looking for a peaceful, resting day for Trent.
Thanks to everyone at my work for carrying my load, I miss you all. Also, thank you to all who worked so hard and generously volunteered yesterday at the country club. I could see and hear in his voice that Danny was so relieved to have things rolling out there. He has left to go back and work today.
Please know that every guestbook entry is a treasure to us. It literally gives us a mental boost which in turns gives us a physical boost.
Better sign off and get my shower. Love you all.
With much gratitude........Miners @ Blank/412
Tuesday, March 29, 2005 8:55 AM CST
Hey! So glad to be back on-line!
I could write a book on my rants over computer problems, but what was clear is the realization of my addiction to this site with all of you! Just suffice it to say, Trent thought I needed some of his medication to "just chill" while I was obsessed with two lap tops in the room and neither one that would get on the phone line. If I had never been on here in the room it wouldn't have been so frustrating. I think when the phone line was connected and then it was idle and the connection was lost it eventually screwed up the operating system. Calvin brought his computer on Sunday and when I heard the AOL logging-on it was like someone going into a casino that is an addicted gambler. Calvin told me I could get on but then I got busy with Trent and by the time I tried the computer had done the same thing as Trent's and so I missed my window of oppportunity with that computer too. After intermittent calls to AOL for about 24 hrs. we decided it was a Dell problem. There is one public use computer in the library but it wasn't open on Easter.
Have Jill's computer here now until I can spend some time on the phone to Dell instead of AOL. Well, at least I don't have to backtrack and go over what's been going on since I left you all, thanks to Sister Juli.
Our wonderful Dr. Elliott is back after being on vacation for a week. It was a relief to have him in charge of Trent's care. First thing yesterday morning he informed me he had been to a prayer service the night before! He is very close friend with Alan Hall who had mentioned the prayer service at our church for Trent. He decided to call Alan and drive out to Perry Sunday eve. He was amazed that on Easter Sunday evening there was such a lovely large group that had come together for Trent. He said we had quite the group of people out there that care for us. God has put some very special doctors in our life from home to far away for a kid named T-Bone.
Trent had a good night resting with nurse-maids Joyce and Jill. Trent really is with it under the influence of Morphine but in a dark room at night he called Jill mom most of the time so nice to know he thought I was here all night too! Danny and I had a needed resting night of sleep in the respite room. Trent had his treatment this morning and just asked me "what do we have to do today"? I told him we are done for the day and he can just sleep away. He did get cleaned up last night including hair wash so he has to feel better. Physical therapy has started to do some strengthening and stretching things with him and we will continue them during the day so we can get his legs going.
Jill and I are going to run down and eat some breakfast and Danny is going to stay in the room and then head back to Perry to help with a work day at the golf course. Things are on track here and think they will stay that way. Every other day or so someone brings a meal here which has been so nice and I know there are countless, countless other gestures of generosity that you people have and and keep doing for us. THANK YOU!! We have enjoyed many visitors at really nice intervals that have helped us pass the time. Great seeing quite a few of Trent's friends who make a trip knowing that sometimes he just isn't able to visit. I think later today Trent mentioned he wanted to get on-line so he will get to catch up on your notes here too. Talk to you all real soon.
God Bless...Miners at Blank 412! :)
Friday, March 25, 2005 6:35 PM CST
We have had a quiet afternoon. Trent slept most of it and then at 4:00 we went down to radiology and had the PICC line in. It took about 5 minutes. He is back in room sleeping and I really thing tonight he is going to be officially hungry. The best coincidence of that is 2nd mom Pat Mundy is sending down chicken enchiladas, one of Trent's favorites. I know there are a couple others who are going in on the meal and it will be a delight! Thank you all. We have had some wonderful friends visit today, coaches, Trent's Iowa City friends and some close friends of mine and Danny's. This has been a good day and I am anticipating it will end even better with eating. Cynthia and Cherlyn are coming to spend the night pretty soon. Tomorrow is going to be nice I hear so there will probably be some great Easter Egg hunts. Have a good night all....
Love Miners
Friday, March 25, 2005 11:43 AM CST
Good Friday!
Trent had a real good night last night and went down at 7:15 this morning for a radiation treatment which went real well. He has been awake and talkative and getting slightly irritated at dad and mom at times for our repetitive questions:) He did watch some BB last night and to my buddy Andy in AZ, sorry we had to root for the B12 team, but it didn't help I guess! Trent's sweet spirit is always present with the staff and family members here with a please, a thank-you or an I'm sorry for this or that coming from him all the time. A nurse stopped by and then later a doctor that had him on the first day when we had our 5 hr. episode. They were so thrilled to see him doing so well and when each one left he said "thanks for stopping in". Of course he doesn't remember them at all from that day. They are going to put a PICC line in the upper part of his arm so IV access will remain good with the nutrition they are putting in. They should be here shortly for that. We are not anticipating any sedation as they used a topical on the arm two hours ago and he tolerates all IV's even when they are difficult very well.
All of the guestbook posts have seemed especially powerful today as we reflect on the meaning of the crucifixion. A song that is going through my head continually today is "Because He Lives" and the words go........Because He Lives I can face tomorrow.......Because he lives all fear is gone. Because I know He holds the future and life is worth the living just because He lives. Hallelujah!
Love Miners
Thursday, March 24, 2005 7:32 PM CST
Hi all
Trent had "Uncle Bill" Brosnahan for a short bout of anesthesia to be able to lay real still for his radiation treatment done today. His treatment is the worst position that anyone ever has to do for radiation. It is flat on his stomach, both arms back along his side and his chin in two gel pads sort of tipping his head back. He has had rest intermingled with a bit of confusion after the anesthesia. His next radiation treatment is tomorrow morning at 7:15. Tonight he has had a pretty good night resting. They did start a little IV nutrition in place of the IV and unfortunately the IV being 3 days old didn't take it too well and it infiltrated and his arm swelled up. The night nurse said she was just coming down to discontinue it as she didn't want to use the 3 day old IV anyway. They discontinued it and put warm packs on and started two new ones on the other arm, one for fluids and one for the nutrition. Everyone continues to insist that Danny and I rest in the room provided upstairs so he has a couple of aunts (Judy and Cynthia) staying in his room tonight.
Well, that's all from here. Thank you for your posts. Trent is going to have some catch up reading to do. God Bless you all. Joelle & family
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 9:01 PM CST
Hi everyone!
Whew! It's been awhile since I have been able to write. Well, guess not, just a couple of days. We came down to get Trent's treatment on Tuesday. He got the treatment done but began to get a bit agitated shortly after it. Long story short, the drugs he has been on, plus a new one added that is a sedative type drug for nausea and possibly the steroids (to mention a few) we think caused a reaction and he had quite a time from about 2:30 until 7:30 yesterday (it wasn't too pretty but when it would get better he would be playing basketball with Alec Klise (probably back in the driveway!) We had decided to just admit him here anyway as bathroom issues and keeping nausea down were tough at home so it was good the medication problem was while we were here. We will be here at Blank for awhile getting the radiation treatments done and keeping the nausea and bathroom situation in good standing. We have so many good people coming down to visit us and some true angels that took over when I couldn't. Poor Danny had the brunt of the afternoon at bedside cause his mate (me) bailed ship cause I just couldn't handle it too well. Very helpless feeling. Trent had about 3 surrogate moms, Joyce, Judy and Shirley (then Cherlyn, Cynthia and sister Mindy)and dad had Uncle Mark that stayed beside him until it passed. Pastor Compton came, such a welcome sight.
Danny and I have a "respite" room on the floor above us and slept a few hrs. there last night but Joyce and Judy (who never took her eye off him all night) stayed with Trent and are back for their shift tonight.
We had good company all day. A former boss and wonderful friend, Vernie sat with Trent awhile this morning and my two current bosses came to be with me this morning and make sure I knew work was off the radar screen. They continue to be the most compassionate employers one could ever hope to get to work for~wish you all knew them. Barb Nevitt brought Grandma Helen down and it was good to have "my mom" here. All your thoughts and prayers are felt and heard.
Will try to update you tomorrow. Love and prayers to each of you. The Miners
Monday, March 21, 2005 6:45 PM CST
We got home about 6:30. Trent got his mapping done and is going to start radiation tomorrow, appt. is 12:30. He did get sick on the way home but then was hungry and we stopped and got him something to eat and it has stayed down. We had quite a time getting him in the house as when he stepped on the uneven ground of the grass his ankle rolled and he fell but nothing was hurt. We got him in the house and comfortably settled in his bed and he's watching a movie on the new TV! It's nice to be home but I do worry about the nausea getting started but shouldn't borrow trouble I guess, so far so good. It's a short report on our status today.
Love Joelle & family
Monday, March 21, 2005 8:38 AM CST
Doctor to doctor plans are in place. We are to be down to radiation clinic at 2:30 for mapping. Trent was glad cause he didn't want to get around and get out this morning too early. The plan is to come home after the treatment. I think we would do okay if we just don't let the nausea get out of control, it has to get stopped quickly. The steroid IV gives him nausea when they push it every time so suppose it has provoked it when we were at home with the oral steroid too. I know Trent doesn't like to be here but it has been a relief for a few days of me not trying to manage all his meds in between worries of vomiting, etc. He is up eating what he ordered for breakfast from the kitchen; pancakes, french toast and sausage! We are so hopeful that we are on a steady course now.
We are thankful for the prayer service for our family last night.
Thank you all....... Joelle & family
Sunday, March 20, 2005 9:17 AM CST
Trent had an uneventful night. His tailbone hurt a little and he had some med for that. Also when they give the steroid IV it gives quick wave of nausea as it did this morning and actually made him vomit. We hope that was all it was and no return of nausea otherwise. Looking for a good day today and plans to go to Dsm. in the a.m.
On the agenda today at 1:30, the Cyclones play North Carolina in Charlotte where we have relatives. Aunt Kathy and Uncle Gene (whose roots are here) you could do your kinfolk back in Iowa a little favor and cheer for an Iowa team as I think there is just a bit of "home city" advantage going on. Find something red and gold and slip into the stadium and chant "Go Cyclones" for us, would ya? We know the chances don't look too good but as always some upsets during March Madness have already occurred and one might be on the horizon!
Don and Martha Stracke just visited and brought Trent a palm from church this morning. There is a prayer service for healing and comfort for Trent here in Perry tonight at our church. We are humbled and full of gratitude at the thought of others gathering to pray for our family but how much more it must please our Lord! We did not chose this journey but you all have chosen to be in it with us. Just the knowledge of a prayer service brings us comfort and love, along with the multitude of kindnesses you have given us.
Philippians 4:6 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
John 14:18 I will not leave you comfortless; I will come to you.
In Him, Joelle & family
Saturday, March 19, 2005 11:53 PM CST
Trent slept through the first half of the day. Several good friends stopped to see us and we enjoyed them while Trent peacefully slept away. His nurse and I decided he might need to wake up a little and maybe could decrease anti-nausea drug. His doctor thought we could stop it all together and see how things went. Well, he woke up and has had a delightful remainder of the day. His friend Zach came home from Wartburg and surprised him and spent the rest of the afternoon evening with him as well as several other good friends throughout the day/night. Glad to see brother Calvin walk in as he just got back from a spring break trip and sister Mindy and niece Avery. A few other loved relatives came by as well. He laughed and had a very good time with all of them. When the last friend left he took a good hot shower while I warmed up some food from our Friday night meal and our Sat. meal. He has now eaten some, had some ice cream and has strawberries there when he is ready. No nausea and very little pain, only maybe a little in the tailbone. I think we are ready to close down our room and sleep peacefully. Night all, it's been a good day! Love the Miners
Saturday, March 19, 2005 9:11 AM CST
Trent is feeling much better after having fluids and nausea meds going since yesterday. A meal had been planned to be brought in at home so they just brought it up here~~so nice!! He ate some last night and just ate pancakes this morning. This room is very comfortable setting for us. Looking forward to some good BB games today. Still planning on going to Dsm. Monday. That's all for now. Love you all. Joelle & Family
Friday, March 18, 2005 5:51 PM CST
Trent did not have a very good morning. He woke up early vomiting non-stop and had pain in his temple. We finally had the ambulance take him to the hospital to get fluids and IV nausea and pain medication. We got things under control about noon. He has slept the rest of the day very comfortably. We are going to stay here at the hospital in Perry for the rest of the wkend and then go to Blank so we can get started on whole spine radiation. That's all for now.
Love Joelle & family
p.s. The cyclones tried to lose but all be darned they made it through. Sorry about that loss Aunt Juli and Uncle Bob in Minnesota!
Thursday, March 17, 2005 9:58 PM CST
Trent had a tough day. He needed some fluid to help the nauesa/vomiting. We went to the hosp. here and got two bags of fluid. While there we decided it was going to be too much work for Trent to go up and down steps so we made arrangements for a bed in the living room. We had thought we would go hunting for a new TV since ours wouldn't even allow a DVD player. Well, Sister Joyce went to work and rounded up friends to help move furniture, to get a bed in here and called up our local appliance store owner and a new TV was picked out, delivered and set-up! It is awesome!! NCAA looks like they are playing BB in our living room:)! Our friends brought in some food and had a pot of raspberry coffee in the pot for me! Trent feels so much better after fluids, has ate a whole bunch and I think is ready to go to sleep. The bed is being delivered here in about 15 minutes. Tomorrow we are supposed to be at Meth. at 10:45 for preparing for radiation Monday. It was a long day but he looks so much better. Have enjoyed the posts. Thank you all. Love Joelle & family.
Wednesday, March 16, 2005 7:08 PM CST
Had a good meeting with Dr. Rhoads the radiation oncologist today. Dr. Elliott, the oncologist was off today but we will see him in the next day or so. We already knew we liked Dr. Elliott from doctoring with him last summer and Dr. Rhoads did not disappoint. He grew up in Jefferson and played BB there so he knows our little rivalry with Jefferson:) We felt he was very, very thorough in his history taking and talking just about things that we need to do now, the big things and the little things. Because Trent has been nauseated and vomiting for three days we have to get it stopped and he really feels it is the steroids. He has ordered a stronger stomach pill Nexium and a different nausea med. that will not snow him. Tomorrow Danny is going to I.C. to pick up actual radiation films from his first radiation as the brain and spinal cord together can only have a certain amount of radiation so he needs the totals and where it stopped. I am taking Trent down about noon to get some fluids just to make him better and then we'll all meet and talk about the plan. I think we'll start radiation on Monday. He will get 28 treatments M-F each lasting about 20 minutes. Dr. Rhoads could not emphasize enough Trent's role in this by holding up 1-4 fingers: food, food, food, food and then 5th finger just show up for treatments! He told him the food will keep his immune system healthy and is so very important to fighting with the radiation. They sent a bunch of samples home of new products that are equivalents of Boost, etc. I think Trent is motivated to do them to get stronger when we get the N/V under control. We are very impressed with Dr. Rhoads and anticipating getting started.
I have not been on the computer much today and was anxious to get home and read the website as it just "fills our tank". As Kim said it is so therapeutic for us; some make us laugh, some make us cry and some fill the spiritual need ~~all have an impact on us for good. I won't need to write as much maybe as I hope we can coast for alittle while as our plan seems to be almost laid out.
As always, humble thanks.... Bye all.... Love Joelle
Wednesday, March 16, 2005 1:11 PM CST
The arrangments are made to see the radiation doctor about 3:00 today at Blank, Dr. Rhoads~lucky to get squeezed in as I think if they didn't see him today it would be next week before we could start. It sounds possible we might start radiation tomorrow.
Yesterday Trent had so much nausea and vomiting that we think was due to steroid. Zofran wasn't helping so he got some Ativan in the office. Also started him on Zantac to protect his stomach. I already had a script for Ativan so I gave him some last night and again later this morning. It certainly helps the nausea but he really, really sleeps then. Since we really didn't know if we were taking off this morning we just let him stay in the RV and sleep. He is so comfortable and we just keep checking on him. He has his cell phone to call if he needs something. I told him it was a bit farther to walk to bring him food and medicine than to his bedroom but what a great way to keep going out to feel the great temperature today. Just wish he was out feeling it too. I think I have him alittle snowed, but that is probably okay too. He says he might just stay out there all spring and summer!! If you drive by and see the RV in our driveway just give him a little toot!
Bye all...Love the Miners
Wednesday, March 16, 2005 4:27 AM CST
We decided when Trent woke up mid evening that we would head for home. Danny and I knew we were not going to sleep well and might as well travel and that Trent would sleep the best in the dark cozy bed in the RV. Trent agreed so we packed up and headed out. We stopped at the hospital to get a CD of his MRI's but the dept was closed so a wonderful young man named Jason, a radiology tech who did not have the password to get into the MRI computer offered to reprint the regular films for me. I told him that would be most appreciated because we intend to see a doctor today in Iowa. At first he said it would take about 5 minutes but when he printed two MRI's (Feb. & Monday's) of head and spine it took about an hour. We pulled out of Chicago at 10:00 p.m. and arrived home at 4:15. After the day we had today, I will say that no farther than we were or no longer than we were gone it still feels good to see the Iowa sign at the border at 1:00 a.m., that in itself felt like "being home".
We have changed plans a bit on where we are going to do radiation. He is to get whole spine radiation that does not require pin-point like he had to the head before so we decided to call Dr. Elliott the oncologist at Blank where Trent got his IV treatments last summer. Trent adored Dr. Elliott and I think this will work out well for us. I decided to try my luck at getting a jump on it about 6:00 p.m. last night and just as I hoped Dr. Elliott happened to be the on-call doc and said to call in the moring and they will be happy to get the arrangements going. Trent did say......If I do that, I have to be stuck in Perry while doing these treatments for maybe 4 weeks?! (i.e. translate at home with mom & dad:)!! I told him I would be glad to take him to Iowa City on weekends if he was up to it to hang with friends there. I know he really enjoys his Perry friends, it's not that, he just knows he is a college freshman and misses that atmosphere. He might have to take Coach Mick up on some X-box. I will of course update the website when we have plans in place. Trent was so comfortable we asked him if he wanted to stay and sleep in the RV in the driveway until daylight and Danny was willing to put the seat back and sleep there too (he drove the whole way) so they are out there with the RV running sleeping. Well, I think I'll get a couple hours of sleep and then get on the phone for today's arrangements.
Though there was a time of heartache we are taking one day at a time, finding refuge and peace in God's love for us and thanking Him for the blessing of our friends, family and Dr. Stu-be and staff. Love you all, Joelle & family
Just heard Mindy's alarm go off....I better try to sleep!
Tuesday, March 15, 2005 1:40 PM CST
We are done at the clinic today. The MRI was not as we would have hoped. There has been some progression and with Trent's symptoms it correlates. We are going to set up some whole spine radiation at U. of Iowa. There is another chemotherapy that we may be able to try when his counts are stable. We don't want to hurt his bone marrow as his doctor said it has shown us after this first round of this chemo it is pretty "tender". We will not continue in this clinical trial. We are back at our hotel watching ESPN (imagine that). This doctor loves Trent so much. He told us that he wants all of his kids to get well, but for his team of PA's, nurses, research people, social workers, Trent is at the top of his list and it was said with such compassion and genuine love. Trent has won their hearts so quickly. We are staying tonight but plan to be at Univ. of Iowa hospital tomorrow to get things prepared for radiation. We'll chart our course as we go along. We don't know the number of radiation treatments that will be decided, anywhere from 10 to 20. We are sad but hopeful for stability to try a new chemo. Thank you all for your thoughts, concern, prayers and love for us. We are in God's hands and we want His will for Trent's life.
Love, The Miners
Monday, March 14, 2005 6:05 PM CST
We are back in Chicago. The trip was great today. I guess the sun only wants to shine in Iowa, we lost it in Illinois and had some spitting snow. It took about 7 hrs. as we got into some very slow traffic coming downtown. Danny had me take the wheel about an hr. out so he could navigate which is really the best roles for us. Trent slept all the way over, thank goodness for the RV. He did vomit a couple of times but that is normal. He has kept food down most of the time. Our bellhop that we have gotten to know and love a great guy named Torry was working late tonight so he welcomed us back! We are about to head over to the hospital for the MRI at 7:30. Will try to update you all with our plans after we meet with Dr. Stu-be in the morning tomorrow. Great posts from you all.... they just do so much for us.
Love Joelle & family.
How about them.....(oh you think I'm going to say Hawkeyes)nope, how about our three Iowa teams in the NCAA!! Yeah!
Sunday, March 13, 2005 11:04 PM CST
Just a quick note (really,I promise). Trent had his blood counts checked yesterday here in Perry. He had a bag of fluids to make him feel better and then we decided to have him get platelets and 3 units of blood today. We didn't get to the hospital until after 3:00 so we are just now getting home. We also talked to Chicago docs and decided to have Trent get some steroids to help his legs a bit. We plan to leave about 10:00 tomorrow and will have an MRI at 7:30 p.m. with a lovely MRI technician named Olga. A head and spine one takes about a total of 2 hrs. since he is so tall and Olga is so kind and patient and allows him breaks. We see Dr. Stu-be at 9:30 the next morning. I'll try to update the website sometime as plans evolve. Thanks for the continued prayers for safe travels in the Brosnahan's great RV again, a good MRI and wisdom for the doctor for our plans. Love from the Miner family......
Joelle
Friday, March 11, 2005 9:22 PM CST
Not much to update with but it has been a couple of days.
Friday night! Hooray!! Yesterday Trent went into the Univ. of Ia. clinic in I.C. and got his blood drawn. I asked them to check his BP lying and standing since he gets dizzy when he stands up. They decided he needed fluids and gave him 2 liters. Also asked them to check his ears and he did have fluid in one. His dizziness is multi-factorial but at least keeping hydrated and getting the fluid out might eliminate a couple of sources! Calvin took him to his appt. and stayed as long as he could then he had to leave and run take his last test before spring break. We are so appreciative of another good friend from Perry that helps him out in I.C. Kirk Dorman came and sat with him while he finished his IV's and then got him back to his dorm room yesterday. Also, his best nurse Mary Lou (the only Iowa State fan in the entire clinic~well she should be her son played ftball at ISU) took good care of him and got him a bunch of food while he sat and got the IV fluids. He is going to get blood drawn tomorrow here in Perry and then get some fluids again. It makes him feel better all around.
It is good to have him home with us again. He likes to tease, play and love Avery, and he and Mindy sorta gang up on us parents together...guess that is fun? He is thin and a little weak but we know the chemo is hitting him the hardest right now and he does lay in a bed quite a bit sleeping. He amazes me for all the annoyances of this 'n that (and theres alot) he just keeps fighting through them and is smiling and happy. What a joy he is!
We will leave for Chicago Monday, the MRI is scheduled for 6:30 p.m. and we will meet with Dr. Stu at 9:30 a.m. Tues. Chemo will start when his counts are high enough.
He is getting his shower and planning to go hang out with friends here in Perry~that is good medicine too!
Talk to you all soon! Love, Joelle & family
Wednesday, March 9, 2005 8:26 PM CST
Danny and I are trying not to call Trent every hour but it is hard not to. We know he has to sleep most of the day before he is able to be up and around. If you call him while he's sleeping you don't get much information because he hasn't been up enough to even know how he feels. Overall, he is doing pretty good, some symptoms are getting better others about the same but none are worse. Tomorrow Calvin is going to go pick him up and take him to the hospital to get his counts checked and hopefully get him to eat somewhere. I think Trent will come home Friday as the school will clear out with spring break week starting. We are to be in Chicago Monday for visit with Dr. Stu and then an MRI and then hopefully get round 2 of chemo done. Trent won't get home soon enough for us so we can give him his medicines right on schedule and consequently keep him from vomiting=keep food down= gain weight. Harris and the rest of the dorm buddies keep his spirits up and watch out for him and for that we are grateful.
Today, like so many others there are new guestbook entries from people who have ties to us that we don't personally know mingled in with our well-known loved friends and family. I was just reading them when a good friend called me just to let me know that she continues to pray for us every single day and when she has a down day she thinks of what we are going through and it changes her attitude. You know, many people have burdens on this earth but it is during these times God reveals himself to us through people like all of you and our family stands in awe~~every single day. I wish each of you had just a glimpse of how you are an integral part of this journey and what the support does to help us!
By the way, everytime I talk to Trent I'll say to him....hey, did you see your website, so and so sent you a note~~almost every time he has already read it so I know he is being encouraged and lifted up continually through this site. You people are wonderful!
Time to sign-off. You must wonder how I can take a pretty much boring report and turn it into a page of chatter....I guess cause I don't have Trent beside me saying "don't talk" which is what he has learned to say to me when he is in a hurry to get somewhere! So... for Trent...I'll sign off!
Goodnight and God Bless! Joelle & family
Tuesday, March 8, 2005 1:57 PM CST
Well, let's see, where are we now. First, Trent is still sleeping (of course that is not unusual). We have called several times since early and irritated him with our battery of questions. Dr. Stu talked to the neurologist yesterday and again today. She thought his changes were "minute" and "subtle" and she was wanting the MRI and he certainly didn't want to overlook anything. He did think that we could wait till Monday to have an MRI in Chicago. That is, if we promise if anything changed we would let him now right away. He also said we must not read too much into the symptoms as they can be from the chemo working and also some of the effects of the chemo drug Temador. We'll just have to see what the MRI shows and we'll make our plan. If his counts are stable by next week he will get his chemo as planned but we may have to delay if they are not. We will recheck his blood late this week and see how they are coming along.
Your notes in the guestbook are like finding Easter eggs, each one has a beautiful color, your individual designs with your name on it but each one makes us happy to be the finder of it!! I just need to say, "thank you God" for the family and friends you have surrounded us with. Joelle
Monday, March 7, 2005 8:59 PM CST
Just pulled in after a long day in Iowa City. Trent's neurologist felt his exam had changed some. The urologist felt things were okay. Trent's platelets dropped from Friday 45,000 to 13,000 so he did need transfused with platelets. He had never had any blood transfusion so took awhile to get the type and cross and get it all underway. Our neurologist talked to our doctor in Chicago and he suggested we get another MRI. We are scheduled for one in I.C. at 2:30 tomorrow, however, Danny and I feel we would like to talk to Dr. Stu in the morning first as we may just want to go to Chicago. Trent had Benadryl with his transfusion so was quite sleepy after the long day. He just wanted to be left alone to sleep (he had not slept good last night and was up so early) so Mindy, Danny, Avery, Calvin and I went to eat. When we went back he still just wanted to sleep and stay there so we left him. His roommate Harris is there and we will check with Trent and Harris tonight. That's all from here. Love you all,
Joelle
Saturday, March 5, 2005 7:39 PM CST
Well, it's been sorta trying since last Thurs. night. Trent had some anxiety Thurs. night and was not able to sleep too well. I found later he had missed a couple of doses of his anti-seizure med when he was in I.C. He confessed and told me he was having little more of his little "spells" so can probably attribute to that. Friday was not a real good day either. We fought dizziness, vomiting and the urinary problems. His counts are hitting their low following chemo so fatigue is hitting too (as if it wasn't already a factor). He wants to sleep and/or rest alot but his evenings are the best for him. He eats good at suppertime and then usually snacks later but I am not sure it is enough to actually put on weight.... hope we can maintain it though. Chicago nurse called with his counts and said we may want to transfuse him Monday to get him up and ready for treatment the next week. Her suggestion was to get his blood drawn Mon. first thing before we see neurology at 9:00 and urology at 10:00 so they can get the results and decide on if they want to transfuse (I think it would just be platelets).
Trent just asked me to get him that energy drink I had tried to push on him earlier (it is supposed to help boost the immune system and give energy). That's a positive request! Probably has more calories/value than the Bomb-Pop he specially ordered yesterday and is eating right now.
That's the status and the plans as of 8:00 Sat. night! Thanks for checking in on T-Bone's site. Love ya! Miner's
Thursday, March 3, 2005 10:13 AM CST
Trent stayed in I.C. after his appt. Mon. afternoon but decided to come home again for a few days. Yesterday I went to work and Danny had a mtg. for credit hrs. of his license so Mindy met Harris & Trent halfway between I.C. and picked him up. Mindy & Trent stopped at Valley West Mall and Trent bought jeans and a shirt with his birthday money. He has his days and nights mixed up (well most college kids do) where he is not reaady to go to bed when normal people do, in fact quite awake and then needs to sleep half of the day away. When he gets up he is a little slow going (may have a little dizziness, nausa and vomiting then) but as the day progresses gets more and more energy. He is doing good, he thinks the lowback pain has lessened, urology symptoms come and go but nothing getting worse so that is good. His blood counts were good Mon. and he will go up here to the clinc today for another blood draw and check on counts. Dr Stu's (Chicago oncologist) research nurses call every couple of days to check on him which is very helpful. His appetite is really holding. He actually GETS hungry now which is a new thing and when he eats it always stays down! We are really happy to have him home again. It is a fine line of him getting to be around those friends at school and the social life of it all and home where the little things we can do can help his progress so much. His main advisor told me he might be able to hang onto one of his classes and possibly pick up an on-line when he is up to it. I think he will go see her Monday after his neuro. recheck in I.C.
One thing about this journey, you don't have to practice being humble cause you are, every minute of everyday! People continually do thoughtful, extra-nice things for us that bring us joy and make our lives a bit easier and simplier. For instance, evidently meals are being planned a couple times a week. If Trent isn't home, it seems so silly (I'm not sick!) to be accepting a meal (I may not LIKE to cook but I can manage!!) Tonight I think beef and noodles are on the way~~~Hmmm, maybe that's why Trent came home!
Thank you all for the cards, calls, emails, meals, donations, tender pats, hugs and posts on the site. For the Miner's, God's love and grace abounds through you! Joelle
Monday, February 28, 2005 10:26 PM CST
Today was a good day in that Trent's neuro exam was unchanged from Friday. We hope it stays this way and that he can start his chemo in Chicago as scheduled. Right now it appears treatment will be March 14th or March 16th. He decided as we thought he would to not come home after the appt. today so we will be keeping in contact regularly with him by phone. When I called him tonight he was at Wal-Mart with his roommate Harris and Price who were getting "walk-in" haircuts. Sounded like they were having fun. Great to hear them laughing and generally having a good time!
The Perry Bluejays closed out their season tonight but they sure made a great run of it this year! Congratulations coaches and players it has been fun watching you play! Thank you Mick for being there for Trent the last couple of weeks....I know he looked forward to the breakfasts and the practices and had a good time with you!
Today was bitterly cold but spring sports are on the way. The Perry golfers better get to swinging somewhere!!
Sometimes I think, oh geez, I don't have anything much to write here and probably nobody is checking anyway. Then out of the clear blue there is a new post or two and we read them and smile and think, oh well, I'll write cause somebody might read it. So, not much to say but for anyone who might check-in, thanks for taking a moment to see how we are and for caring. Love Miners
Monday, February 28, 2005 1:59 AM CST
Trent caught up on some needed sleep and also we pushed some more food down him and gave plenty of TLC. Mindy and Trent have a joke going about everytime I ask Trent if he wants something to eat and he says no, I offer him something by name. So, if his answer is "no, I am not hungry".........I still offer something I think might change his mind..........like "chicken casserole?" or something. I have a hard time accepting "no" I guess. Also, they are having some fun with some of the health store preparations I have been trying to get him to swallow (like the Omega 3's, etc.) That's okay Mindy and Trent (and cousin Alex and Trent) I'll be the object of your fun because I think the laughter is an important component of the treatment and support, necessary as the drugs and food! Keep laughing:)!
We sent Trent off with Kirk Dorman back over to school Sunday night. Would like to have kept him home but I am pretty sure he needed to get away from our hovering and catch up with his dorm buddies. He's not up to class by any means, but he has a followup appt. from Friday with his neurologist tomorrow at noon that we will go over to as well. Please pray for no changes in any of his neuro exam. I sure wouldn't mind him coming back home with us for another week to work on the eating, sleeping in his own bed and keeping all meds on exact times, etc. We'll see how he feels tomorrow.
That's all for now. Thanks for the encouraging guestbook notes. They are what lifts us up and helps us fly.
Joelle and family
Friday, February 25, 2005 9:24 PM CST
Hi again today! Trent had some new symptoms occur that Dr. Stu-be (Chicago doctor) wanted us to get checked over in I.C. We made a trip there today and my high school classmate and Trent's pediatric neurologist (Dr.) Kathy Matthews gave him a very thorough neuro check and drew the weekly labs that he was needing anyway. He checked out really quite good. The symptoms are urinary and we are hoping that it is inflammation causing them and that they will settle down. The docs were debating on putting him on some steroids to knock out any inflammation but after discussion it appears that even steroids might take him out of the study, (it would become a decision of the tumor boards in the clinical trial) so we are going to hope and pray that since the symptoms seem to be intermittant that they are inflammatory and we won't need to treat. Several of my alternative supplements have anti-inflammatory claims so will also try to be diligent with them. The plan is for him, pending no increase in symptoms to see Kathy (neurologist) again Monday for a complete neuro exam. We left the doctor's office at 5:15. Trent wanted to eat quick and get back to Valley West Mall to find a new pair of jeans that would fit him better now. He wanted to eat at Slugger's. About that time Niebuhr's called they were just getting ready to leave I.C. too and wanted to eat and Calvin called and was about a block from us so he stopped and ate with us too. It was a a fun supper. We decided to forego the trip to the mall and came on home. Trent is eating again here at home~yeah! He is anxiously waiting for friend Zach to get to town about 10:00. Don't know what they'll do but they'll find something. That was our day........
Tomorrow is the Kiwanis Pancake Day here. I have gone ever since I was a little as my dad would have lots of tickets for me and my friends to go~it was always fun. Danny and I have always taken our kids and their friends too over the years. I do remember one year I missed~~1986. It was the day I came home from the hospital with a precious new baby named Trenton Joel. I decided it might not look too good being there with a 3 day old and I really did just want to come home and cuddle up with my two other beautiful children and our newest blessing! (you friends know the story, Danny brought me home and went to the ISU BB game that afternoon:)~(which really was fine with me)! To my delight, Trent says he can't wait to go eat pancakes tomorrow cause he loves them at the Kiwanis Pancake Day!! Well gotta go... the Zach-man has arrived!! Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. Joelle
Friday, February 25, 2005 9:46 AM CST
Trent has been home from school this week getting some rest and nutrition. It is obvious that the blessing of mom and dad being able to be here with him has been instrumental in his being able to eat, let alone become hungry! I have been giving him some supplements from a health food store to stimulate appetite and settle the GI tract. Also, keeping his Tylenol and anti-nausea medicine around the clock and not waiting for any discomfort or nausea helped bring him along. I think we really did turn the corner from just coaxing and eating small amounts to having an appeitite! Yesterday morning he had eaten a bowl of cereal, laid around for awhile and then came bounding down the stairs stating "I'm starved". Have not heard that for a long time and it was wonderful to hear! Appetite sure can be turned off and on at times. I think we have his turned on! He has gone up to the boy's BB prac. each day and enjoyed being around his former coaches and the boys on the team. An added bonus is he has seen the boys play and win twice this week! Tomorrow we will go to Harlan to watch Cousin Alex and the Perry Jayettes play to go to the state tournament~~Go Perry!
It has been a dream to be here with Trent and work from home. The support in the most unbelieveable ways, from the hearts of so many has been as always, so humbling! In thinking about how you make us feel a word that comes to my mind is engulfed.... but I thought just what does that word mean........Webster's Dictionary states:
Engulf: To flow over and enclose; overwhelm.
You all will never know how you have enclosed us with your love, care and prayers; it literally flows over.......
Thank you from a grateful family, Joelle & family
Monday, February 21, 2005 10:11 PM CST
Hi great friends and family
Trent decided to catch a ride home with cousin Libby who was coming back from Iowa City this morning. Guess he decided everyone was studying for mid-terms and must have felt a little out of sync so home sounded like a place to go. We were really happy cause mom and dad wanted to tend to him and help get that appetite going again. He said he's just here for a few days. He slept a lot today but then got up and ate some great beef stew from his Aunt Judy. The Nevitts left us some great bean soup (I think this is Bob's creation) too so we are eating good! Trent had a good time playing with niece Avery and then it was time to go watch the Perry Bluejays beat Dallas Center Grimes (yeah!!) It was a great game. Congratulations guys!
I had the most wonderful surprise today myself. My boss of only 5 months offered to let me work from home!! Unbelieveable! I will miss my daily interaction with my peers there but will take things back and forth every other day or so. Sounds like I can do this for as long as I need to help Trent, etc. It is amazing how God puts people in your life just when you need them. I have been so blessed by the caring, wonderful employment I have and each person in my team I have grown to love. I can't thank them enough for their covering for me when I am gone. I am grateful for wonderful employment at IFMC!
Speaking of being thankful..... we are thankful for all of you too!
Coach Long asked Trent to come up to practice tomorrow and I think he is really looking forward to that!
Well, night all. Joelle & family
Sunday, February 20, 2005 6:57 PM CST
Hi friends and family~
Trent has spent the weekend in Iowa City. He is glad to be there and has good friends in I.C. that watch out for him and we bug him by cell phone about every couple of hours (thank goodness for free in-network calling). We are praying that his appetite gets in gear, and he can eat and gain some weight. Thank you for your continued concern, prayers and support.....
Joelle
Friday, February 18, 2005 2:25 AM CST
Danny got us to I.c. in exactly 4 hrs. including a 10 min. stop for food. Trent has eaten a couple times during the evening and it has stayed down with no nausea or dizziness. We just walked him into the dorm where Harris, Price and Travis were hanging in their room. He was glad to be back. Really he perked up just leaving the hospital. He sat up front with Danny for probably 2 hrs. total and talked. I laid down in the back as my sore throat was coming back, cough and some earache. Great! Well, we are checked in at Baymont. It's pretty cheap so we'll get a few hrs. sleep and then thought we'd take Calvin and Trent to breakfast, run some errands for and with Trent and come home tomorrow. Thank goodness for the RV. Will talk to you all soon. Joelle
Thursday, February 17, 2005 9:04 PM CST
Well, we are cleared for leaving in 5 minutes. Trent slept most of the day but is wide awake now, guess he's getting back to college time! He is playing X-box and will just get a small dose of Ativan for the trip home which hopefully he will sleep from. Danny says we can pull the RV over and turn the furnace on and catch a little sleep (not) but I am thinking we'll be at what was the Red Roof but just got renamed to another hotel chain (can't remember) in Iowa City. So, that's the plan. Will probably post on here now and then as things arise before he has his next round. At this point it would be scheduled on March 14th the week of spring break. The doctor is going to talk to the brain tumor consortium team to see how much variance there can be and try to allow Trent some spring break time away with his friends. Signing off from Children's Hospital, room 478, Chicago. Peace, Miner's
Thursday, February 17, 2005 4:47 PM CST
Trent's drug will not be done until 8:00 or a little after due to the times they have stopped it for injections, etc. He really wants to get out of Chicago.......and get back to his bed at his dorm. The doctor certainly is fine with that but of course makes a very late night for mom & dad. Danny and I are pretty tired so don't know if we will be able to make the drive on home or stay in Iowa City. He has prescriptions to be filled and being a bit of a nervous mom I wouldn't mind seeing him tomorrow and how he feels, etc. We got over here Tues. at 1:45 thinking the 48 hrs. would be done by late afternoon today. Didn't know they wouldn't even begin anything until almost 6 that night and that the 48 hrs. didn't begin until 1 hr. later after the bolus and that they were shutting it off for other medications. I had hoped to be home by mid evening but it would be 2-3 a.m. at the earliest. Guess we'll decide as we cross a few timelines.
Hope the Perry Girls win tonight~we want to watch Alex and her team play some more games! Hopefully Danny & I will be able to go watch the boys play Nevada tomorrow night and get another awesome victory!! We still aren't over the great show/victory they put on for Perry fans last week! Go Jays!
Thanks to everyone for the birthday cards/wishes/gifts, the get well wishes, encouragement and prayers this past couple of weeks. We have hit some bumps in the road but you have made our path smoother. God has Trent in His hands and our trust and hope is in Him. God Bless. Joelle & family
Thursday, February 17, 2005 11:09 AM CST
Trent had a good night sleeping. The drug still drips away at 5cc/hr. with a bag of fluids at 50cc/hr. The staff in this Children's Hospital have been great. They work so hard to meet your needs not only for the patient but the families as well. Our little buddy Max next to us is done about noon so they will be leaving. The nurse told me the hospital is still full and the room won't be empty long. I think they had to transfer a couple from ER to other hospitals for adm. the other night. There is a nice shower and lounge for parents and plenty of snacks and basic food things in a galley for us.
He ate a pretty good breakfast and then promptly lost it about 8:00. He is fighting a bit of the same stuff I had with nasal stuff, etc. and I think it drains and sometimes prompts the hyper gag reflex he has now. He also got quite a bit of itching on torso and arms going on for which they gave him Benadryl and that seemed to help that but made him hyper with a fair amount of anxiety. They then gave him a little Ativan to make him sleep and to my relief he is sleeping soundly right now. We would be done probably about 7 tonight and could be on our way I suppose by 8:00. The doctor said we sure could do what we want but he could stay until tomorrow and leave in daylight. He did add he knew Trent was a typical 19 yr. old and knew he most likely would want to get back to his dorm but said he didn'think we would want to drive all night! I think I would like to see him unhooked from IV tonight and just stay until tomorrow to make sure no anxiety issues or vomiting starts. We could get him out and about in the hospital when his IV is out and test him a little. We watch Patch Adams movie here in his room last night. Such a good movie. I'll sign off now. Just love to read the notes on the guestbook. Trent doesn't like me to read them to him, he likes to read them himself so he hasn't seen any since last night yet. Hopefully this afternoon he can. If you are reading this note, thank you for your continued care and concern for him. Love, Joelle
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 5:12 PM CST
Having a good late afternoon! They rolled in TV on a cart for him to hook up his x-box so that is going and he is enjoying that. He has his computer laying between his legs for talking to friends and his cell phone handy. Oh, the TV on the wall has Seinfeld on so he's watching that too. The best part is he has food around him and he is actually eating pretty good. It looks so good to see him up and conversing and laughing with us.
When I was moving the IV stand to accomodate the TV/X-box I noticed a capsule on the floor. Thought it said Temador and it was cracked with powder on the floor. The nurse took it to the pharmacist and it was one of his chemo drugs. His dose of Temador is 905mg., it comes in several capsules of 250mg., some 40mg., etc. and then the 5mg. So Trent would have been handed (in his Ativan induced sleep) a hand full of capsules about 1:00 a.m. Evidently one rolled out and nobody knew. They cannot regive any of it so he lost the 5mg. one. They called and told his doctor and not sure what he thought. One of the research physicians (a gal) was by and I mentioned it to her and she already knew and I got the feeling she wasn't too happy about it. I am just really glad that it was a 5mg. and not a 250mg. I sure would have preferred he got every mg. that was planned. I would think he should have been handed them one by one but what is done is done. Dr. Stu-be will be coming by to see him pretty soon, we'll see what his thought is.
Well, nothing else new here, just enjoying Trent acting more like himself. Oh, I did have to go down to the burn unit and get some Silvadine for the burns from the black and gold cloth on my skin. They told me to get a Northwestern shirt on and it would heal them faster!
Bye everyone. Thanks for writing and love you all!!
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 2:10 PM CST
Hi
Well, I am re-writing a note I had all typed and then hit prview and then it wouldn't go back! I have to start over. That is hard after you already typed your thoughts once ~ cause they don't always come around twice:)!
Trent awoke from his Ativan slumber. He says he likes Ativan!! They in fact would just let him sorta keep snowed a bit with it as it does help these kids pass the time of being bored 48 hrs. I had them hold up on it after the night dose and he woke up pretty good at 12:30. He looked pretty good sitting up and did eat some. He likes the pudding so that is not a bad thing to be stuck on. He and Danny are watching a movie although Trent didn't think he'd stay awake for the whole thing. It was good to see him up and with it. The nurse said to go ahead and use the cable cord to her computer cause she thought it was good for him to stay connected. He did go on the website and read all the postings! He giggled at some and teared-up at others; I think expressing both emotions is good for him. I do know it is good for him to see all the love and support coming his way from all of you. I would like him to jot a note to you but right now I think just reading your notes is a step. Thank you again for the never-ending love and support you have shown for all of us.
Love Joelle
Wednesday, February 16, 2005 9:51 AM CST
Hi family & friends
Trent and I both slept pretty well. The ativan has him a little bit groggy and yet you will see him still shaking his foot as like a nervous shake. He got it as a routine inj. in the night but I asked the nurse to hold off on giving it regularly and see how it goes. Can't get him to even think about food this a.m. When he wakes up a little more hopefully he'll try to eat. The nurse practitioner was by this morning and she said we could try a different appetite drug that doesn't have those side effects called Periactin. I think it is worth a try. Danny is not here yet. I told him not to hurry cause there really isn't much to do with Trent in his groggy form and really the room is fairly congested. Both of us parents to the two kids have our beds still pulled out. They put a pre-printed form on the nurses computer that is was a hospital computer, yada, yada....... I told the nurse that Trent would really benefit from being able to use his computer and the phone line wasn't working for us. She is going to send in a person to see if we can get it working. I am up here in the family center but I think I better get back down there.
The have a nice shower and family louge for parents so I need to get a shower soon too. You Hawkeye fans won't believe this but I came across a t-shirt that Trent got at orientation (it's black and gold and says IOWA~ ouch)that he didn't want as he has better ones now. I brought it (and might put it on today)just to get Dr. Stu-be going as he will beller out the Iowa fight song walking down the hall (in his clinic). Everyone that works here is well aware he is an Iowa grad! I hope I don't get a rash if I put it on. You Cyclone fans don't worry, theres no crossing over going on here. Hey...also called home to Grandpa Dick last night and he said the Cyclones won last night! We'll look to see if we can get Hawkeyes tonight but it is doubtful here, they have maybe 1 ESPN channel. Will write later..... Joelle
Tuesday, February 15, 2005 10:52 PM CST
Just re-read my entry and wanted to clarify that the little boy (4 yr old) rommate had the bone marrow aspirate and spinal tap as he has leukemia 6 mo. into a 2 1/2 yr. treatment process. It sorta read confusing and I didn't want any mix-up that it was Trent! Gosh, that would have confused a few. This site is supposed to help keep facts straight but it sure could do the opposite too! Trent's out so I think I will be too! Night all. L, Joelle
Tuesday, February 15, 2005 10:31 PM CST
Hi everyone
Trent had sort of a rough first 2-3 hrs. here. He had been fighting nausea all day and basically had not eaten for two days (he was down 4 more pounds I think since last Friday). Combine the new chemo drug with anxiety and he was really sorta getting beside himself. The Zofran was not taking care of it so they gave him some Ativan which helped the nausea and anxiety. After it kicked in he perked right up, was sitting up feeling pretty good and ate pretty good too. Danny left for the hotel about 9:45. The Children's Hospital is full about 300 except for 2 beds here in our unit so they did some patient shuffling and Trent now has a 4 yr. old for a roommate. He had a bone marrow and spinal tap earlier today and then is admitted for a scheduled dose of chemo for 2 days. The dad is with him and the mom will come tomorrow. Anyway, the rules are TV's off at 10:00. The dad didn't mind if Trent kept it on with the sound turned really low. The beds are the big recliner things that lay out. I have mine made and will go to bed shortly. Dr. Stu-be called into check on Trent late evening and residents have been by off and on for routine visits. I think Trent is falling asleep now. We have to use the ethernet cord from the nurses bedside computer for the laptop so when they need to record things we get right off so we don't have constant access but plenty. I doubt the hospital IT dept. would approve of it. The hospital has two for public use but they have been pretty busy. In fact I typed this journal page alot earlier and when I went to save it, the computer wouldn't save it (that was the hosp. computer so just had to wait to get on here so I could re-write. Well, we are here, things are rollin and we'll soon be able to say one round down. Thanks again for all the wonderful postings. The website was very easy to do. Someone else who has walked this path saw the need, developed and saw it through for people like us. How blessed T-bone and his family are. Love Joelle
Tuesday, February 15, 2005 4:50 PM CST
Hi to all of you! So good to finally get the 'ol lap top hooked up and get to look at Trent's website. Wow! How fun to find so many visits in the guestbook. Danny and Trent both read them while I was doing some other things and they both cried. Powerful communications! Well, we picked T-bone up at 9:00 or so and were on our way. I drove the RV the last 3 hrs. or so right downtown to Children's. We both had trouble remembering which lanes were exits only, etc. and good thing Danny was co-piloting for me. He tried to tell me it was busier the other day when he drove in.....yeah right! We got here about 1:45 and after visit with Stubeee (that's Stewart~Dr. Goldman's first name) and having some routine exams, labs, etc. we got over to his room. Danny just left to go get the RV stored at our hotel and check in himself. He is going to try and get a DVD rented for Trent across the street from the hotel as there aren't too many stations in the room. They are supposed to be coming in any time now to start the drug. I am very connected with our brain tumor group and one of the boys is flying to Duke for treatments. The dad wrote and it sounds like it is the same trial as Trent. There was not room here in Chicago when they were ready to start and then after they were going they heard the other day there was room in Chicago and they could switch. They elected to stay at Duke at that point. Gosh, wonder if that actually allowed this spot to stay open and became the one Trent got. Trent shares a room with what might be a 1-2 yr old in a crib type bed. Trent has had some dizziness then vomiting, alittle congestion and yesterday extremely fatigued. Dr. Stu-be checked the Marinol (the new drug for appetite) and thinks we might need to stop for time being. A UA the other day also showed alittle protein so he is going to check that again in a.m. after he is hydrated. He doesn't have symptoms of anything going on infection-wise. All in all we had a pretty good trip over. Unfortunately for Danny my voice is getting stronger:) Seriously we have held tight to eachother even though at times it might not appear like it in the midst of some of the journey. Here they come to start the drug. As Trent's doctor told us last week he has the "greatest hope this is going to work". I started reading a book on the way over that was encouraging, uplifting and mostly reinforces your HOPE... that's hope in capitals and cancer in small letters cause that's the perspective we have! God Bless all our family & friends!
Love Joelle
Monday, February 14, 2005 5:10 PM CST
Tomorrow we head back to Chicago. Not sure where Danny will stay but probably the same hotel as last week which was a Days Inn. The hospital shuttle will take us back and forth from there. I will stay with Trent for the 48 hrs. of IV chemo in the hospital. Since I have lost my voice it makes it hard to verbally communicate but really easy by computer:)! I'll probably be on the computer alot at the hospital or sharing time with T-Bone anyway. We will be home Thurs if all goes as planned. Keep the faith. Joelle
Monday, February 14, 2005 12:35 AM CST
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