Journal

Thursday, November 13, 2008 9:11 AM CST

I check in on Tyler's website a few times a day and each day I see that I haven't updated since the end of October. sigh... So much happens every day that I just can't wrap my head around trying to put all of my feelings into words. Anyway, I don't think that there are any words in our language that can accurately convey the feeling of loss, emptiness, and grief that we have. I can be fine one second and the next second, the trigger of a song, a smell, a picture, or a phrase, can bring me to my knees in grief. Of course, they can bring a smile and even hearty laughter too. But it's the sadness that cuts like a dagger through my soul. This week hasn't been too bad; last week was a different story. Mom and dad were in town for a few days over the Halloween weekend, and we had a good time together. We ate, visited, shopped a little, and made pumpkin rolls (22 to be exact- but that's small potatoes compared to the past few years!) I don't think that I have the energy to make and sell 100 this year! We attended church on All Saint's Day- that was a hard one. I am faced with Tyler's absence every second of the day, but I am usually alone when my grief spills over. It was a very painful time to sit and hear Tyler's name called out on the list of those who passed on this year, but I needed to go and hear it. I felt the need to be there to honor his life. Mom and dad visited the cemetery together. Todd and I were there this past Monday morning. Thanks to all who have offered to go with me, but I just need to be able to do that on my own. I can provide directions if anyone would like them, or you find it on the internet by looking for The Georgia National Cemetery.

We chug along every day with plenty to do! Kirk ran his last race of the season at the end of October, so he is enjoying a little more down time for now. He is finally able to be a bit more active in the other clubs that he is part of at school. Sara is always at the dance studio, but Monday night she strained her foot showing me her favorite tap step after dance class! She was NOT happy about that. It is still a bit swollen, and she is hobbling around the house irritated that it is hurting and she can't dance this week. So, no more tap dancing in ballet shoes on the carpet for her!
Todd and I were able to go out together and see Wicked at the Fox Theater which was great! Sara and I went to see Swan Lake a week or so ago. It was nice too, but I'm really looking forward to seeing Cirque Dreams in December! The whole family is going, so we have something different to look forward to during the holidays. We are going to Ohio for Thanksgiving. We are looking forward to seeing family and friends that live there. Give us a call if you want to plan some time to visit while we're there. Christmas is still up in the air. I so want to be home for Christmas as usual but am afraid of how difficult it will be this year. We haven't planned anything yet, so if you have any ideas that don't cost an arm and a leg, I up for hearing them!

Well, I feel like I at least accomplished something this morning by getting this updated. So now I'm off to get Sara to the Orthodontist.
Thanks for checking in on us and for sending us notes of encouragement and love.

Connie

http://mycampsunshine.com/support/index.php   In lieu of flowers - donate
http://www.rallyfoundation.org/   In lieu of flowers - donate
http://wreathsacrossamericanorthgeorgia.shutterfly.com/   Christmas Wreaths for Tyler and our Vets