Journal History

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Tuesday, May 17, 2005 1:56 PM CDT

I have been wanting to post this picture forever. We have had on and off computer problems. Pretty excited group! And well they should be after earning $27,000 to fight cancer.

Sara

Friday, April 29, 2005 7:23 AM CDT

Truly, Not sure who reads this page anymore. It has served its purpose early on and now is but a venue for my thoughts as I like to write. Write or vent? Not sure.

Christine is in heaven with all the glorious gifts layed out in front of her...the pain is her parent's now. Hard to get arms around any of it. Christine's mom has a true faith that she lives. I hope she draws strength from it...I have witnessed it on many occasions and remain in awe of her example.

Molly's day was long yesterday, but we accomplished everything that needed to get done at the hospital. She gave a few more viles of blood to run the immunity tests again. And of course, scans done pretty timely too. The contrast was down and IV in her arm and then they told us we weren't on the schedule and may have to return....NO...I don't think that is what is going to happen. Obviously they have never been without food and had a stomach full of contrast before. They got her squeezed in and we were on our way home, with a quick stop at Cracker Barrell. Who is this child of mine?? She was tired and felt sick the remainder of the night. We watched TV and all five of us fell asleep on the sofas. Not a whole lot of conversation bewteen anyone.

We have an appointment to meet Barbosa on Tuesday morning. If he hears something sooner, I am not sure he will call with it, he is funny like that. But of course, I am already jumping every time the phone rings. The immunity problem has me very concerned. We have been down this road before with Molly as far as seeking help for her weakened immune system. It is such a delicate balance in the body. Lymphoma is like a predator of the immune system. It often hits people with weakened immunity. So we are on it, and hopefully have a plan. The pain in the lower back could be the beginning of kidney stones from a drug she is on or ovarian cysts as well?

We are off to the center to connect with some friends. We have a need to be together today. We'll be making ribbons for Christine's service this weekend. Please keep praying for their family and for all those who battle.

Okay Bailee, I really mean it now.........come home, come home, come home!! We love and miss you so much!!

Love,

Sara

Shame on me for not mentioning.....Our Relay team raised over $27,000! WOW!! I will post pictures soon. We are having some computer issues and I can't change the photos. We are beyond proud of all these kids. Can't wait to share the photos!!

Wednesday, April 27, 2005 7:03 AM CDT

Please keep bombarding heaven with prayers for Christine, she and her family are in need. This child has a quiet strength and has fought a long, hard fight...I am ready to put my earrings and bracelet back on today Christine!

We had a visit to clinic unexpectedly yesterday. Molly has been getting frequent infections and having bad lower back pain. The doctor took alot of blood and based on the type of infections she has been getting, is concerned that her immune system is not doing the job it should. She can't seem to hang on to her weight either. He changed her CT scans to tomorrow and included the abdomen as well as the pelvis. He said he wants to see her again early next week. So that is where we are right now.

Love,

Sara

Monday, April 18, 2005 6:37 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

Thanks for checking in. No news is always good news around here. Thought I would share a picture from a wonderful event last week. Molly was asked to participate in Fashion Funds the Cure. It is a real fasion show sponsored by SAKS and Mercedes in order to benefit the Pediatric Cancer Foundation. This organization raises funds to research treament advances. It was such a great evening! Very emotional for everyone there.

I want to take a moment to invite everyone to please join us walk the track this Friday night, April 22. It is the annual Relay For Life fundraiser event. We will have two sites set up with friends and food and would love for you to come out and walk a lap with our family. It is held at University of Tampa, Peppin Stadium. Its a great night that we look forward to participating in every year. Molly's team has been fundraising for two months. This group of kids have supported her in this event for four years. This year, they blew us away with what they raised. Molly was up late counting and recounting until it reached $24,000!!! So unbelievable! Thanks guys!! I promise you a great party!

The month has brought Molly several doctor appointments. She has had several infections that her immune system can't seem to kick on its own. She has missed several days but still made the Prinicpal's honor roll with straight A's. Our pediatrician said, "see you next week!" as we left on Thursday.....hopefully not. We keep Dr. Reina busy! We rescan in one month.

We have settled into the new house and are so thankful for our fresh start all together. We love every inch of this place and promise to fill it with family, friends and lots of happiness. We are off to a good start. Mereditha nd Oliver are great. Dance and flag football are keeping them busy.

Hope everyone is well and that we will see you on Friday night!!

Love,

Sara

Monday, March 14, 2005 8:36 PM CST

Wow!! What wonderful support you all have given to Molly with your Relay donations. Thanks so much. We'll let you know what the totals are.

Life is hectic, but good hectic. A move this weekend is on the calendar. Unbelievable. Oliver finished his room on his own tonight. He has this uncanny way of seeing my stress before anyone else in the house and he jumps in to help. Love that kid!

Molly has a neurology appointment in the afternoon, and all is else is quiet. No clinic until May.

Just wanted to update to say thank you for all the donations. Happy Spring break!!!!!!!!!!!

Note to the Dunnigans: Okay...ENOUGH! Come home now, we all miss you gys so much.

Love,

Sara

Wednesday, February 23, 2005 12:13 AM CST

RELAY FOR LIFE
We are getting ready to do our 4th annual Relay For Life fundraiser in order raise money for researching a cure for cancer. Molly's team is so busy. If you would like to send a donation for Molly to meet her personal goal, please send a check made payable to: The American Cancer Society. I am really proud that this is something she continues to put her energy into. And let me tell you, it is a lot of energy to organize a team of 35 teenagers. But, the good news is, she is doing something about what she feels passionate about. That's what it's all about really. I know a Mom (that would be me) who many times, would rather bury her head, but Molly doesn't allow me that for long. So, here we go again, and we would so very much appreciate your support. Wow, I love this child! I guess you would need our address to send a donation, so here it is: 4901 Melrose avenue West Tampa, FL 33629 Thank you friends.






Dear Friends,

Thought I would check in. I was walking through Publix and the cell phone rings. Its the hospital wanting to make sure we schedule Molly's May appointment. Weird. Never in three years has a nurse called me on my cell to make sure we get an appointment down. So, we scheduled her May appointment. I asked if it was because of her scan results and she said yes. I let it go there. I just wanted to hear her say it. Nice. Phone rings again in the next aisle and its Molly saying that she is so dizzy she had to leave class and is in the nurses office laying down. She had woken up the night before very dizzy and it got worse as the morning wore on. So, picked her up, got home and the cell rings. Its Oliver with a fever and he needs to get home. Off I go to Coleman again. So, that's a long day. All in a day. I have to ask. How do working moms do it? I have all the admiration in the world for Moms who work and raise children.

A big thank you to our friends and family who have sent checks for Relay for Life. Molly was so excited to receive donations from Uncle Kent, Aunt Debbie and Melissa!! Thanks so much guys!! She is thrilled.

Guess that's it. Hope all is well with everyone. Did I mention Tom started his new job yesterday and we are moving into the house next week??? Cannot explain the happiness we all feel to see Tom off to work knowing he'll be home for dinner every night. Can't get much better than that! Be happy for the little things, in reality, they are the only things that really are important...dinner at the table with our beautiful family. Everyone accounted for.

Goodnight,

Sara

Monday, February 21, 2005 3:50 PM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

We got back about an hour ago and as we are walking in the door, the phone is ringing. The initial report is that the uptake is not malignacy. It is still there though. Thank you GOD. It may be inflamation,or an area that has hyper cellular activity that needs to be watched carefully. It was an unofficial report that we are to act like we have never heard. We have to wait until our doctor calls us in to go over the report officially. We will have more answers then as to what it is, but right now, I can breathe easier and I am hoping for a night's sleep. That would be good. I will update agian when I meet with her doctors. Thanks so much for the support and prayer that everyone was sending. Its a comforting feeling to know how loved we are.

Sara

P.S. Should have given me some valium too!

Saturday, February 19, 2005 1:28 PM CST

I keep trying to update the page and then loosing the entry when I go to edit, so if there are tons of typos, forgive me. I am not proofing again.

I went back and forth about updating after our scan. But, selfishly, I need to ask for more prayers for Molly. We have to repeat the scan on Monday morning. We had a call late Thursday afternoon that said there was "uptake" on the scan in her neck and back. They want to try a few things to see if the results will be better. Meaning, because she was nervous, the results could be altered. It could be a false positive read. They also stated if she were cold and the fact that she is so thin, it could change something. So, they will administer valium before the scan and we will pray hard for a different outcome. I suppose it could be a technical issue, but none the less, my stomach is in complete knots. We are feeling scared. We heard all the typical doctor lines on Thursday....no need to worry yet, this doesn't mean something bad, we have to be 100ure of these results. Blah, blah, blah...Honestly, there is nothing they could say that would be right, or that would ease the fear. Nothing. We will just have to wait until Monday and re-scan. It was NOT what I was expecting. I knew during the scan that something was up. Too many questions kept coming up during the scan. Did she have surgery in the past? Where was her cancer located? Are you sure she didn't have surgery? Nope, just a port placed and biopsy. I left with two techs telling us good luck.. Didn't like that either.

So, that is the deal for the weekend. Please remember to say a little prayer for her that this is simply a technical issue with the scan.

Many thanks and Love,

Sara

Wednesday, February 16, 2005 12:46 AM CST

I have a quick request for you. Molly is having a PET scan tomorrow (Thursday). It is the first full body scan she has had in a year and a half. I would love to know that we have some prayers heading her way tomorrow that her scans are cancer free.


Much Love and Thanks,

Sara

Wednesday, January 5, 2005 9:05 AM CST

I wanted to post and wish all of our friends a very happy new year. Our home has become very quiet as the cousins all went home a few days ago. The house is always too quiet when they leave. We miss all of them, but I am so thankful we had such a great visit. Such great kids!

Seems as though the holidays sped right past and December is a blur. The new house is still under construction. We are hoping to move in around the middle of February. We lost a good bit of time over the holidays. No need to stress, I consider this move nothing but positive and no one can burst that bubble. I am enjoying each step of picking and choosing and often am in disbelief that we are truly going to be in our own home, all together.

Molly has had a good month but a busy month medically in December. She was finally put on an anti-migraine medicine that also is used for seizure. Because the cause of her seizures is still unknown, the medicine works effectively on both. Her side effects have been relatively few, though she has lost some weight. The migraines had gotten to a point that were causing her to vommitt and blackout. It was frightening and she begged to be put on some sort of preventative. I dragged my feet for sometime but I could tell the intensity and frequency was increasing. Seems to be doing the trick thus far. She is also wearing a heart monitor for the month of January, though getting her to wear it is a real struggle. She apparently has an arithmia(spelling). The monitor will determine if it is severe enough for medication or not. It is certainly caused by the "red devil".....one of the chemos in her protocol. So, medically, that is the update. She looks beautiful and feels good now. We'll visit clinic next month to check counts. Then we are on the 4 month visitation!! WOW!! This teens big concerns center around her friends, her hair, clothes, clothes and more clothes...

Tom is down to two days every other week in the Denver office. HURRAY!!! He has had numerous job offers in the Denver area, but he wants to focus on Tampa and see what happens. It certainly is always something around our home...as everyone's home! We have certainly tackled lots of obstacles during our married life, but a job search has never been one of them. No words to describe the feeling of security I have knowing he is home. I am glad the commuting is behind us. I am sure it will be something I will look back on and really wonder how we did it. But right now, we are looking forward and with great thanksgiving.

Cancer remains a part of our life everday in one form or another. Wether it be a worry that my mind wanders immediatley to, or it is a prayer in my heart for our friends fighting so, so hard for their lives. Often it is a memory of a friend that is gone or a dream I wake up from where Molly is visiting with her friend that has passed away. I can see the line of healthy and unhealthy attachments to the disease. I mentally work on not feeding the power the disease has. But focusing on trying to give back in some way to the families we love that are battling is with me all the time. It was us, it could be us again...so because of that, it has its place.

Love to everyone. Tom and I wish you good health and appreciation for all that you love in your lives in 2005.

Sara

Wednesday, November 24, 2004 11:41 AM CST

The photo above cracks me up. Thought I would share in case any of you are still out there. I rarely update anymore, that's a good thing I think. The above picture is Molly at Halloween. If you know her, she is about as conservative as they come, so a punk rocker for Halloween really cracked her up.

I hope all is well with everyone and their families. Thanksgiving is always a time to reflect on years past and to truly understand what it means to be thankful. Novemeber for our family marks Molly's diagnosis three years ago. Some days it feels longer than that, but other days it feels like it was only a few months ago. I can still remember every detail of that Thanksgiving weekend...the waiting, the not knowing...but the feeling that something was very wrong. We have all changed so much in those three years. Molly barely looks like the same child anymore. I know I feel like someone new to me.

Be thankful for your family, your precious children at your table. Many friends of ours this year won't see those beautiful faces across from them. I pray for strength for each of them to "make it through" the holiday. Life is a fragile gift.....be thankful for it.

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, October 11, 2004 5:41 PM CDT

Happy Fall,

Doesn't feel like it quite yet around here, but a least we have been hurricane free for the past couple of weeks! All is quiet at the Edwards' Home. Wow, that sure is nice to write. Molly had a clinic visit last week and it was good. Her counts are a bit low, with an ANC of 1200, but she usually hovers around there anyway. Her platelets dropped by 130 from her last appointment, and she has some good bruising, but I am keeping it all under check. My constant worry and hysteria seems to be tapering, only with time mind you. I know now that viruses can affect counts on any given day. Seems funny that I believe that now when the doctors tell me. A year ago, they could tell me the same and I was sure she was heading for trouble. Time can heal, memories fade, but I am convinced the haunting feeling of some shadow following us, may never disappear. But, I'll take that and certainly be grateful. Hope this quick update finds everyone well and happy.

Much Love,

Sara

Thursday, September 30, 2004 5:02 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Just wanted to post a journal for prayer requests tonight. Our home is good, but we have a couple of our friends close in our hearts tonight.

Please pray for Bailee to engraft easily after her transplant, and for her big brother Michael to heal from surgery without any complications. Michael, you are an incredibly brave and giving young man. Everyone is so proud of you. We miss their family so much in Tampa and look forward to hugging all of them again in person soon!

Please say an extra prayer tonight for our friend Christine as she is having brain scans tomorrow. Please pray the chemo and Protocel are doing their job and shrinking the tumors. Chris has worked to couragously at fighting this cancer. We are praying hard Chris.

Thaks Friends,

Sara

Sunday, September 12, 2004 11:14 AM CDT

Today I ask a favor. Today I ask you to please pray for our friends the Johnsons, as they lost their beautiful son Aaron in a bike accident yesterday. Aaron was a very handsome 9 year old boy with an adoring family. I remember him as just the perfect all american kid...great student, great friend, super baseball player, cool little brother to Alex. He will be missed so much in our community. The shock and horror of this terrible tragedy is more than any heart should be asked to bare. May their family and friends embrace Aaron's parents and big brother in prayer.

Love,

Sara

Wednesday, September 8, 2004 8:20 AM CDT

Frances has passed and we are praying Ivan decides to check out only the Gulf...no land. Ivan really scares me. We will keep a careful eye and head out if need be. The streets are clearing up and the kids returned to school after being off since Thursday. It was a nice break for everyone, but I think we were all ready to get back to a routine again. Our phones are still out because the lines are so wet. Better get that taken care of today.

The kids are good. Molly is feeling great. She goes to clinic next week for a 3 month visit. WOW!! Cannot believe that is how often we go now. What a good thing. She still gets infections often but seems to be able to fight them off on her own.

Better run. Please pray for all children fighting cancer. Pray for those in remission to remain there, for those currently fighting to be healed, and a special prayer for the parents of the children who have gone to heaven. Thank you friends.

Love,

Sara



I just heard the new Tim McGraw song..WOW!! I want to run out and get the cd. Its called Live Like You are Dying. I am probably the last to hear it, but if that's not the case....listen to it. Its a beautiful tribute to life...

Saturday, August 28, 2004 7:35 AM CDT

My mind is on our friend Bailee this morning. She and her Mom are preparing to leave early this coming week for New York. She will be in awsome hands as she receives a bone marrow transplant there. We love this family. I ask you to please pray with us for Bailee's safe trip....Please keep the family in your prayers in the coming weeks.

Thank You,

Sara

Wednesday, August 11, 2004 8:01 AM CDT

Dear Friends,





PLEASE PRAY FOR TAMPA BAY. HURRICANE FORCAST TO HIT US DIRECTLY EARLY THIS EVENING.........PLEASE PRAY ALL OF THE CHILDREN NEEDING MEDICAL CARE ARE SAFE..


Wow, it has been a while since I last updated. I have sat down several times to start and then stop. Things with our family are good. Its hard to believe that those words have come out of my mouth. Feels like bewteen Molly's illness ,Tom's absence, the loss of special friends in our life, things have felt pretty dark for such a long time. I remember thinking things would never change; it was too far away to even think it could. But, life is coming back together, sneaking up on us really...

I seem to have a hard time finding a balance that feels "right" somedays. For so long, we lived in two totally different kinds of worlds. They were so seperate, I often felt like two people. Friends from the Cancer world knew the deepest things about me...instant heart felt friendships that felt so connected, so right. Then there are my old friends I have known everyday for so long, they know about my life.....details about the kids and Tom, but not so many of my deepest thoughts and fears. For so long, I felt so envious of my old friends, that it was difficult sometimes to relate about issues I shared with my cancer friends. Without trying or even realizing, the tide is shifting and as our life grows back into something more "normal" I often feel such guilt. Guilt that I am happy, that Molly is happy, that I like it and I want more. I want to stay here forever.

How can life be routine again when friends we love are struggling for life? How is that possible that dear Moms I love can be grateful for just an hour of pain relief for their child when Molly has had a good, healthy month? Then, I feel guilty for feeling guilt. I should be BEYOND grateful for what we have right now. And I am...But,I am not so niave as to think it could be taken away this afternoon, or next year, or in two years. I see it happen each week with so many families. So, I DO thank God everyday for Miss Molly and her ordinary complaints about homework, and all the "silly" things in a teenager's life. I know Molly struggles with the same feelings. We talk about them and sort them out together. Its all part of the same road back. Her's I know, must be much deeper than mine, more intense.

While we were on vacation last month, the beauty of it all was so overwhelming at times. Not just the picturesque beauty of where we were, but the beauty in my family. That they are all here with me laughing and fighting and experiencing life...all of us together. I prayed alot on our trip. I would walk ahead of the gang and stop and just share my gratitude for bringing us there in that moment...When all control in your life is taken away from you, you realize how much in life is about "choices" when you regain some control. Everyday we have choices on how we want to attack the day. That is our control. How we want our children to interact in life....sometimes, the old me creeps in and I find myself getting caught up in all the meaningless crap of life....a voice jumps in and starts laughing at me....Are you really going to spend time thinking this is important??? I pray that voice stays with me..keeps me on track. I am sure Molly's smile will forever take me to the place my heart needs to be.

Love,

Sara

Saturday, August 7, 2004 1:58 PM CDT

wilbur had been gone for 23 hours but then we were reunited!!! after making flyers, talking to the vet,going to publix to handout flyers,talking to the mail man, conatcting the police, talking to bay news 9 and the tampa tribune, and driving out to brandon to go to the lost animal center we finally found wilbur. I was looking out the window and saw the mail man and decided that it would be a good idea to tell him about wilbur because he knows the neighborhood. he told us he saw a pug trotting down alongside the rode so we jumped in the car and found him with another man walking his dog. we were all so excited and everyone was crying! wilbur is so happy to be home!!!

molly

Saturday, August 7, 2004 8:23 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

I know its been a long time since I have updated Molly's page....

I have a favor for anyone local who checks on Molly. Her very best friend in the world, Wilbur the Pug has been missing since last night. Please give us a call if you see him or hear of him anywhere. We are offering a reward. This baby is so dear to our family as he was the one who comforted Molly from the beginning of her treatment....He is a special little guy.

Thanks so much friends.

Love,

Sara

Sunday, June 27, 2004 7:31 PM CDT

Tuesday, June 8, 2004 11:12 AM CDT

hi everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i am sooo excited the bolts won last night! and brad got MVP good things happen to good people! he really deserved it! the whole team worked so hard and they are probably really tired! them winning stanley was so much better than the buccs winning the superbowl! i cant wait to get my lightning champion shirt!!!

good job brad, vinny, martin, dave and the whole entire team!

molly


Dear Friends,

Please keep several of our friends in your prayers this week. Casie is beginning her transplant this evening and has had such a long and hard road thus far. Emily is back in the hospital for low counts and fever again and needs to get home and be a part of Summer. Please pray her marrow remains clear of any cancer cells. Please remember Bailee in your prayers today as she is back in the hospital for more chemo...she is fighting so hard. I want these girls to have some "normal". It doesn't seem like such a big request. Pray for these Moms to have strength and rest to handle each hour the best they can. Okay, my friend Christine reminds me in so many ways of Molly. She has a quiet strength about her and seems to have an insight so deep and sensitive, Please pray for her as well. This is an amazing family who have battled for a long time and they have a faith that humbles me every time I see them. Their attitude is positive in the midst of a very trying time.

Love,

Sara

Sunday, June 6, 2004 8:44 AM CDT

COME ON LIGHTNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRING STANLEY HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Just wanted to put out a couple of prayer requests. The first for our friend Emily that she gets home soon and that she remain in remission....almost done sweetie! And please pray for Casie at All Children's as she is in ICU right now with complications from Bone Marrow Transplant preparation. Thank you friends for your prayers.

Friday, May 28, 2004 2:50 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

Well, Summer is here and we at the Edwards' home could not be happier. It feels good to say Goodbye to a school year and enjoy some down time. No big plans, but that is the best thing about Summer. I'll check in a few weeks to let you know if the fighting bewteen the kids is getting to me and I have sent them all away.

Oliver ended the year with the best grades he has ever had. He is on his way to Junior High in the Fall. I could write a book on that one. He had a big end of the school year party and it was great fun. We ended with lots of smiles and no injuries so all went well. Soon he and Tom will road trip back from Denver with Tom's car and things of our's from the house in Evergreen that Tom has been storing. Oliver is going to fly alone to Denver and Tom will meet him and they will start their long haul back. He cannot wait. Good bonding time. Molly can't go because of the altitude..and that is just as well.

Meredith is sleeping the day away. The last week of school was so busy she just couldn't take another step. Staying up to watch the Lightning kill the Flames didn't help. We must have our priorities though. She is preparing for her big recital. It is always a highlight of the year for our family. She isn't the best dancer in the class but she loves being there with her friends and the costumes look great on her...again, priorities..just teasing.

Miss Molly is on a roll. I say this so completley aware of the gratefulness I feel for all the wonderful things happening in her life at this moment. I let go of the fear of what may be for a while and decided to live our life with hope. Things are so good right now and I don't think I ever would have seen it or felt it had we not been through such hard years. Every new achievement or new change or stage I just sit back quietly and soak in the very moment of it. I never used to do that. I expected it to be good. I thought good was normal. Maybe it is for some. Anyway, as I type how good things are right now, my stomach flips over because so close to my heart are my friends going through the really unexplainable days with their children with cancer, or my friends without their children. Both those families would give anything and everything for what we have right now and I am aware. I am grateful and I will NEVER assume this is how it is for everyone or how it should be for me forever. There are twangs of guilt I feel that I am bragging about my Molly. I pray constantly, I really do, that those days will come for the families we love that cannot even fathom that goodness right now. And for my friends who do not have their babies with them on this journey on earth.....my heart will always ache for them and my prayers are always that they try to maintain until they are together once more. There is certainly, absolutely no equity here on earth.

Kids were screaming at Oliver's party yesterday, jumping into the pool from every conceivable place and I was racing around throwing things away and cleaning up as the party rolled on. The music blasting and suddenly a song came on. A song close to my heart and Molly's heart. I heard it as I picked up a water balloon. A lump formed in my throat and I barely could make eye contact with Molly who was floating in the pool with her dear friend Mike. But I had to see her. Maybe she didn't hear the song, but I had to see her face. Of course she heard it too. She looked at me at the same time, we did't talk or even smile. I walked away and took in the song while the screaming went on around me. Just a reminder I thought. A reminder about all that we have right now....

Much Love,

Sara

Tuesday, May 25, 2004 11:40 AM CDT

GO LIGHTNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, May 14, 2004 1:59 PM CDT

Dear Friends,

We did get our results back and the results were no different than the first report, because the subsequent reports were not ordered. Long story, but the bottom line is that we are not repeating the test right now. I will talk to her doctor in a couple of weeks and get his opinion. But for now, we are going to wind up school and enjoy a beautiful Summer. The kids are counting the days. Apparently, there was some miscommunication bewteen several doctors and myself and the tests that were supposed to be run from the marrow were not sent, so the initial report was all we got. So, we traded our questions from last year with some new questions. But for now, we'll take it.

The kids are enjoying the pool and I can hear screaming from the yard; they must be having fun. Kids, popsycles and water....how can you loose? Oliver is off on his 5th grade field trip to Islands of Adventure with Dad and friends. Life is good.

The house hunt is still on...thinking that we may build. I am excited and ready for whatever we decide! I am just loving "right now."

Sara

Enjoy your weekend with each other.

Monday, May 10, 2004 2:58 AM CDT

Don't think I am a nut when you see the time on this journal entry. I can't sleep. Maybe having Tom home for so long and then gone this evening, made for an unrestful night. Tom has been on his new schedule and there are NO words to describe the happy feeling in our home. There is a lightness about and so much more laughter. I can truly feel that. I am so thankful we can see the light at the end of this long, long road. We certainly will have our transition time. We had a few heated discussions this past week and then ended up laughing because we both knew they were so inevitable. Can you say "power struggle?"

Happy Mother's Day!! My Mom was in the Keys over the weekend but we will celebrate this week. I missed her though and reaized there are only a handful of Mother's Days that we haven't been together. I am grateful to have my mother here with me.

I woke up to a scavenger hunt for presents (fun!!) and then on to the most special gifts to me, the ones the kids made. I just love those. I really cherished each one because I know the years are fleeting and soon I won't have the special gifts to make me cry on Mother's Day morning.

The morning brought us to St. Pete for Chelsea's confirmation. She asked me to sponsor her a few months ago and here it was already. I can easily say, it was a most memorable service and I was so honored to be standing behind such a strong , faithful young woman who carries the gift of grace with her each day. Powerful stuff! Congratulations Chelsea. We love you very much! I have to say one more time how absolutley beautiful you were today.

Mother's Day ended watching some great lifetime movies, a tradition here in the Edwards' Home. The kids curled up and watched with me. Tom had to fly back for a couple of days. He had a bad sinus infection and was not looking forward to flying all the way to DC just to get to Denver because of a lack of flights this weekend.

Robyn, thank you for your journal entry. Oliver read it and felt such pride in himself. These kids will carry this journey with them always. It amazes me how much it shapes them into these extraordinary people all on their own...Your family is very precious to us.

Onto medical news I suppose. Molly had her aspirate on Wednesday and did very well through it. With the help of codeine afterwards for a few days, her recovery was much smoother than in the past. Her CBC was concerning to me as her ANC was only 1200 and her white count 3.0. She did start to feel very tired and sore and flu like until Saturday. I knew she was fighting something. But most importantly, she made it to her field trip but we paid for it dearly. She over did and it made for a very long evening!!

We got some preliminary results on Friday. Tom drove over the bridge to pick up one report. Three more were sent off and we should have a very "telling" one tomorrow sometime. Molly had some "special cells" marked which needed to be taken a more careful look at. That is probably why I am up at this hour. I was told not to worry but to wait for the next report. Okay...I'll just do that. Ha!

I think I will try bed again, my eyes are getting heavy. I know this Mother's Day was a difficult day for some Mothers who hold a very special place in my heart. The unimaginable is part of their daily life. No words could ever honor you as much as you should be.

Night,

Sara

Tuesday, April 27, 2004 11:59 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

I finally have Molly's aspirate scheduled after some confusion about who would do the procedure. It is scheduled for next Wednesday, the 5th. She will be put under to alleviate pain during the procedure. Hopefully, the afterwards won't be too bad. She has a field trip that Friday that she has been talking about for sometime. I hope she will be good to go. I am glad that we have a plan...

Molly's braces went on today. Pretty cute.

Love,

Sara

Sunday, April 18, 2004 6:20 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

If you need "light" today, maybe check in on this journal another day because I really need to unload a bit this morning. It has been a roller coaster of emotions this weekend.

I will start with our happy news. Molly's Relay team.....BRITTANY"S HEAVENLY HIPPIES raised over $9,200.oo this weekend. This news was so special to us. One of our team members, Mike Demsey, raised the most money of any relay individual that evening. He alone raised $3200.oo. I am sending the biggest hug to the following kids; My Molly, Chelsea, Kelsey, Caroline, Mike, Justin, Christopher, Stephanie, Hayley, Margaret, Ashleigh, Tyler, and Morgan. These kids are so unbelievably amazing and I am so proud to have them be a part of our life. The kids felt the passion with me and took it and ran. We had poetry, beautiful artwork, creative fundraising, and lots of just plain hardwork. And let me not forget our chaperones who weathered 13, 13 year olds for 18 hours through the extreme cold; Melanie, Lori, Wendy, Nikki and Lisa. I would have to say that Molly and I have been blessed beyond belief for the gift of true friendship. I am saving the best thanks for last here...my Mom and Dad worked from 11am until 6pm setting up our site and hours the week before running errands for me, helping me tye-dye, relieving my daily stress attacks and creating special tool boxes with my name painted on it!! I love you Dad and Mom!

Brittany, you are an inspiration to my family. You will always be, though I wish you were here on earth to do that work. I know you were with Mom the past few days but no doubt you popped over to see the love and legacy you left here on earth at our site honoring your beautiful face. We miss you. Did you like the leopard ribbons the kids tied their shirts with? Molly knew you would!

Now onto to clinic news. Molly had her clinic appointment on Thursday morning. We addressed the seizure for quite awhile and checked for test results, which were not yet back. I'll call on Monday. Her labs looked okay, her ANC 1800, about the usual for her. We talked at length about her chronic left leg pain and what needs to be done to help find an answer and keep us sane. Molly had a bone marrow aspirate a year ago and under diagnosis, it states mild MDS. This is damage to her bone marrow which will not recover but may or may not worsen. It in very simple terms it is malfunctioning now. The chemo has caused this diagnosis. Another aspirate needs to be done in the next week to see if it has progressed or still indolent. Could this be the reason for the leg pain? This is what we will find out. We will also learn if it is a condition that could lead to something very serious and if so when...While I am relieved we may have more information on this diagnosis, I am very scared to see what it is doing. Fear drives us. Since her labs look good, we do know that it is quiet now. Please keep her in your prayers. I will post when the biopsy will be. Molly wants it scheduled for next week because she has quite a bit of school work this week in geography. What can you do? I think we can honor that.

Please pray for my very special friend, Jerry. He is our ice cream man. What a special guy!! We love him. He has bone marrow cancer and has fought for some time and is now facing a relapse. His heart is enormous and not a day goes by when I pass his truck that he doesn't say, "Hey, Sara, how is my Molly?" He has been a part of our life for 10 years and he is so very generous.

Okay, don't get mad if I ask you for yet one more this morning. It is a new diagnosis, as of last night..I will post more later but keep him in your heart and ask God to stay close to ease his family's fear of what lies ahead for all of them.

See, it is a heavy entry. My eyes are still puffy from yesterday's tears and lack of sleep. On a really, really light note, the house we fell in love with is not going to happen. Shocking I know. We will hit the pavement today and maybe find another.

Love you guys,

Sara

Tuesday, April 13, 2004 8:27 PM CDT

A Prayer:

Please bless our friend Michael tonight as he now lives with You in Heaven. Please give strength to the family here that loves him so much.

Saturday, April 10, 2004 7:15 AM CDT

Good Morning and Happy Easter,

I wanted to wish everyone a Happy Easter before the day begins in our house. The week really rushed by. Amazing how many things can happen in one short work week. Molly is feeling much better and back into the routine. She missed some school last week for appointments and will again this coming week, but it is unavoidable. She is a good student and works hard to catch back up. I wish her life were simpler. I feel anxious to finish the week's tests. We laughed so hard last night that she had tears running down her face, no sound, just gut wrenching laughter...Wow, that felt good. Even if she was laughing at me, I didn't care. Sometimes she feels more like my best friend than my daughter.

We have a contract on a house! See what I mean about a week in the life of the Edwards? Its a beautiful old home with tons of character and we are in love with it. I am not packing the boxes as of yet though; we have a inspection to get through. Its fun falling asleep at night and placing our furniture. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for us!

Molly has to take a break from the swim team for a few months. The doctor doesn't want her swimming on the team until we have a certainty about the seizures. So, with that, we have dedicated ourselves to more time at the barn and getting the babies ready for a saddle. They have been growing more and more beautiful it seems. Molly hs been putting some weight on their back; Lance seems to like it, Zink looks upset. This will be an interesting process. Molly is beside herself with anticipation for that first time she is on their back. I'll have to post a new picture so you can see how big they are now. We still call them the babies though.

Next weekend is Relay For Life. Thanks so much to all of our friends who sent Molly a check for her team homoring Brittany. I am so impressed with these kids and their dedication to this cause. I don't have a number yet, we are still raising until the last hour. Finally this weekend, it started to come together. Its going to be great. I know that Brittany will be smiling down on all of us as we walk our laps and pray for a cure to all of this mess. Please pray for Brittany's Mom as she will be in surgery. I know your heart is with us Patty!!! Just like Brittany's!! We love you!

We are off to a Lightning game tonight. Thanks to Steve Yerrid!!! I thought Tom was going to cry with happiness; We don't get out much!

Happy, happy , happy Birthday Jessica!! Thanks for being such a special person in our life; especially the little blonde one. Meredith loves you so much.

Better go. I am making flower wreaths for the girls to wear for Relay..

Love you guys,

Sara

Tuesday, April 6, 2004 6:39 PM CDT

Sorry for the delay in getting back on this web page. Molly's test last week led to two more this approaching week, so we are waiting for further information. Next week she goes in for labs at clinic, EKG of the heart, echo of the heart and a brain MRI. The neurologist is trying to rule out a particular heart condition. He felt like the chemo to he brain during treatment sensitzed a particular region of the brain that holds the threshold for seizures and that the combination of lack of oxygen and so on, was enough to trigger the seizure. That was only one of a couple of suggested causes but the one I seemed to latch on to...What does it all mean? An answerless pit, pretty much.

I am going to wrap up..its going to be an early night in the Edwards' Home. My spirits need to be charged up. I am over myself today and the best possible solution to that is to start fresh tomorrow.

Love and Good Night,

Sara

Thursday, April 1, 2004 5:20 AM CST

I was eager to write a new entry so we can turn the page from the last entry. I don't like to see it there. We are up early this morning and to bed VERY late. Molly has an EEG this afternoon at 2pm and has to be sleep deprived. We are doing our best, but it will be a long cranky day I am sure. We'll meet with her neurologist after the exam and have the results immediatley; that will be a first I think. The Dr. will schedule an MRI if he feels it is necessary after the EEG.

Monday while we were reuniting ourselves with the ponies (they were ignoring us since we had been away so long), a horse cantered passed Molly and kicked something nasty in her eye. Of course being Molly, it became embedded and now infected. Her pediatrician took good care of her yesterday, but it still looks swollen. She is on antibiotics for seven days..

Guess that's it for this morning. I will update when I know what/if any plan we will have. Thanks for checking on Molly and for all the prayers sent on her behalf and those of everyone we love.

Sara

Wednesday, March 24, 2004 11:52 AM CST

Dear Friends,

Coming to you live from Colorado. What did I say in the last journal entry about us having a "great" time? Well, scratch that. Our trip has taken some sad turns. All was smooth minus alot of altitude headaches while we were in Denver from Friday until Sunday. We decided to head up to Breckenridge on Sunday since it seemed we had acclimated pretty well. We stopped to pick up a week's worth of lift tickets and skis and boots on our way. We were ready. Got to beautiful Breckenridge and it felt awsome. Had dinner and walked the village a bit but we were really tired. Especially Molly. She had turned cranky and almost falling asleep at dinner. We went back to the lodge, started the fire, hot tubbed and toasted to "turning a new leaf". Life was pretty darn great.

We fell asleep and at 1am Molly came to me complaining that she felt really strange. She sat in the bathroom while I went to get her a glass of water, keeping her very hydrated. While rounding the corner for water, I heard a huge bang and Tom yelling for me. Molly had fallen on the floor and began seizing terribly. I had never seen anything more frightening in my life. It seemed as though it lasted forever but she eventually came to with us calling for her over and over. Her heart was racing and wouldn't stop. We knew we had to get her out of the altitude as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, Meredith is experiencing altitude sickness and vomitting. We packed the car and sped out of the Lodge at 3am. Tom raced down the mountain at high speed heading for the hospital in Denver. We were so scared. As we headed down the mountain, Molly began again. There we were in the middle of the mountains, in the middle of the night with no one and nothing around. This was scarier than the first episode. We layed her down in the back seat next to Meredith who has now taken off her hat to use to vommit in. Molly seemed to improve as we got further down the mountain, so we held on to that. Denver Children's Hospital was unbelievable....loved it there. They ran labs and a full exam. She seemed to have improved 80%. She was weak and sore from her fall but was far better.

We are scheduled to have an EEG in Tampa on Thursday and an appointment with the neurologist right after. An MRI is probably in order as well. We were told not to take her any higher than Denver, but safe to stay here for the remainder of the week. She is not to swim and we are keeping a very careful eye on her. She is still experiencing headaches and slight dizziness but we feel okay to stay.

Tom has had to work around the clock to close the sale of RSI. That was unexpected. Family time is not what we had hoped. We are laying low and watching too much TV. I think we can NOT call this a vacation. We have said Goodbye to the mountains, we'll see them only at a distant from this day forward. Molly seems very apprehensive to do much and afraid this is going to reoccur. We have tried to reassure her the altitude triggered the seizure but she is scared. So is her family......

Just needed to vent friends. Thanks for listening to the saga of the vacation from H-E-L-L. I'll update again soon. Cross your fingers we can get through the remainder of the week quietly.

Much Love,

Sara

Tuesday, March 16, 2004 8:22 AM CST

Good Morning,

Wanted to give an update on this clan before we head out of town for a few days. The Rockies are calling our name. I am so anxious to go, I think I could run there...okay so I am exaggerating a bit but I really am excited to get away, have a family vacation and just see the beautiful mountains that I miss. We have not vacationed as a family since Molly's Make A Wish trip and I am not sure if you really count that as "getting away" because you are all too aware of why it is you are actually "away". So many times, we tag along with Tom on a business trip but then rarely get to be with him, so this is going to be GREAT!!

On to Miss Molly....the node on her neck is being ever so stubborn and just remaining there. She went to the doctor last week and though he was uncomfortable that it was there because she has had no sign of infection, he did think it was alright to just watch it because there had been no change in it for 10 days. So that is what we are doing; checking every few days in case of change. She feels good although has experienced a few bloody noses and some bruising. I am sure her platelets are low, but she is scheduled for bloodwork in a couple of weeks. Her migraines have visited a couple times lately. I think the weather plays a role in that because she had gone quite awhile with none, now the rain is here and so are her headaches.

Two very special girls from the cancer center are consuming my prayers as of lately. Bailee and Christine. Both have recently had some difficult news to contend with. Our families have all grown so close and intertwined with one another's. Please God, hold them close, let them know You are there with each of them through this difficult and dark valley. Please bring them back into the childhood that they so deserve to enjoy....

When these families are away for treatment it is not like just being there for a bit, doing what you need to and then pulling back in your driveway when its done to take care of your laundry and dinner...etc....it takes you somewhere else in your mind, somewhere you can never erase because it is now a reality that has now become your life. You see too much, hear too much, feel too much to ever be the same again. Conversations, dreams, quiet moments with yourself are all different...I remember someone leaving a pie in my house when Molly was so sick. A note was left with it and of course we devoured it. The woman confronted me angrily a week later to ask why she hadn't heard wether or not I liked her pie. Her pie???? Did I like her pie???? Did I eat pie?? I'm sorry, I was trying to save my daughter, my family, keep us going. Oh my...I think back now and smile to myself because I barely recognized I was eating her pie let alone give a grand acknowledgement of what she had done for our "poor little" family as she saw us. Do what is in your heart to help others that need..not because of what will come back to you or to just make you feel better about yourself, but because someone needs something that you can give. It WILL come back to you and it does make you feel good to do things for others, but recognize their limits at the time you give. Wow..all that over a pie?? Guess I needed to deal with that!!!



Lots of Love,

Sara

Sunday, March 7, 2004 8:04 AM CST

Good Morning,

Our house is silent this morning. I'm the only one up. This family really likes to sleep! The kids have been FCATing (Florida state testing) and will continue this week. They like it because their school schedule is different and no homework. Tom has been here more and we are feeling that difference, really nice. A couple more weeks and it should be wrapped up for him. We are going to head to Colorado over spring break for a few days and cannot wait!! We'll stay in Denver for a couple of days and let us adjust to the altitude before we try the mountains. The trip will be worth the sight of Meredith on skis! It will be nice just to be "away". We need a little re-grouping.

I want to say thanks for the donations to Molly's Relay team we have received so far!! We set a team goal and I am so hopeful we will reach it. Thanks you so much for supporting her efforts to honor her friend.

Quiet on the health front. We do need to go in this week to have a node checked that has appeared on her neck. Its in the same location as her tumor was. She says its painless and we have been watching it the past several days. When she was diagnosed, it was very painful. I can tell she is concerned though. Tom checked it yesterday and felt uncomfortable with it. He said it feels exactly as it did before. Of course, that puts a pit in the stomach...

Please keep our friends from the center in your prayers as they keep fighting....Bailee, Christina, Christine, Emily, Michael, Casie, and Conner. I so badly want all of these kids to have their life back.

Have a good week and thanks for checking in!

Much Love,

Sara




Molly has begun organizing her 2004 Relay For Life Team. Relay For Life is a national fundraiser each spring that raises funds for cancer research through the American Cancer Society. We have done it for three years. It is an awsome experience. Molly wanted the team this year dedicated to Brittany Zipter, a very special friend of all of ours. The team name is.......Brittany's Heavenly Hippies. Yes, the team will be a bunch of hippies/flower children. If you are interested in making a donation to Brittany's Heavenly Hippies, please send a check to me and make it out to The American Cancer Society, on the memo, please put Brittany's Heavenly Hippies. All money we raise as a team will be donated in memory of Brittany Alexandra Zipter. What else is there to do? What else is there to give? Brittany's beautiful life makes my family smile, sometimes through tears and sometimes through laughter, and we want to keep her dream to bring about awareness of childhood cancer and its devastion alive in the minds of people who can do something now for the future of all people yet diagnosed........ Thank you friends!!!!! Let's break some records this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Many, many thanks from my heart. Please forward this web page to anyone who you think might want to participate!

Molly Edwards
4901 West Melrose Avenue
Tampa, Florida 33629

Tuesday, February 24, 2004 8:10 AM CST

I am going to keep this top paragraph on Molly's web page through April, so scroll on down if you have already read. Thanks so much!!!!

Molly has begun organizing her 2004 Relay For Life Team. Relay For Life is a national fundraiser each spring that raises funds for cancer research through the American Cancer Society. We have done it for three years. It is an awsome experience. Molly wanted the team this year dedicated to Brittany Zipter, a very special friend of all of ours. The team name is.......Brittany's Heavenly Hippies. Yes, the team will be a bunch of hippies/flower children. If you are interested in making a donation to Brittany's Heavenly Hippies please send a check to me and make it out to The American Cancer Society, on the memo, please put Brittany's Heavenly Hippies. All money we raise as a team will be donated in memory of Brittany Alexandra Zipter. What else is there to do? What else is there to give? Brittany's beautiful life makes my family smile, sometimes through tears and sometimes through laughter, and we want to keep her dream to bring about awareness of childhood cancer and its devastion alive in the minds of people who can do something now for the future of all people yet diagnosed........ Thank you friends!!!!! Let's break some records this year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Many, many thanks from my heart. Please forward this web page to anyone who you think might want to participate!









Sara Edwards
4901 West Melrose Avenue
Tampa, Florida
33629

Friday, February 20, 2004 7:56 AM CST

Just a quick little update. Oliver's blood work came back indicating what his pediatrician suspected. It is clearly one of those virus making a visit again. His leg pain has been better the last couple of days so maybe, its on its way out.

Anxious to pick Tom up this afternoon.

Love,

Sara

Tuesday, February 17, 2004 9:09 AM CST

Good Morning,

Need to vent a bit..its been a weird week as far as the kids and concerns. Oliver started complaining and limping some because of leg pain. Can you believe it?? I can't. Its like some freaky Twighlight Zone episode that is a repeat from a year ago last fall. It went on for a week before I called our pediatrician. I calmly explained the whole deal (just to refresh his memory of the wacky Edwards Clan) and he feels certain it is one of the three viruses that Oliver and Molly had last year, maybe EBV. He said he thinks one of the three is dormant and rearing its head again in terms of symptoms because Oliver may be a bit supressed in terms of his immune system. This is something we knew from last year. He runs really low like Molly. The doctor ran the "tighters" again and a chemistry on Oliver. That was interesting to say the least. It involved, vomiting and near fainting on Oliver's part. He can't even look at a needle without getting sick let alone getting four vials of blood drawn. I felt sad for him. He was shaking so badly and I KNOW its because of all he has seen and heard the past couple of years. He just flipped out and then apologized to the nurse for overreacting. Poor little guy. This very well could be the cause of Molly's achey legs as well, so the two Dr.'s will discuss. Molly's is very localized though. It brought back the memory of the two of them last year when they both had Parvo and Mono and some other virus I can't pronounce. Silly me, thought that was gone over a year ago. Guess it just wants to tease us some more! I am anxious to get Oliver's labs and should hear today how they look. So strange and scarey to me that these two precious kids of mine can be so similar genetically. Then there is Mere, who has rosey cheeks and a beautifully healthy inside. My head was so much clearer this time dealing with the complaints. Last time, I thought I was loosing my mind. So, that is what last week brought. Never a dull moment, as my Dad always says.

Hope all is well with everyone this week. Please remember all the kids in the hospital in your prayers this week and those at home trying to heal. Please ask God to heal them inside and out so that they may find the inner strength to fight on with determination. They must be soo tired sometimes, not physically but emotionally. These kids amaze me in their attitudes, but really, how do they do it? We don't know what thoughts and fears enter their little hearts. Please ask God to calm those fears with His love. Please God, Give a sense of peace to their parents, if only for an afternoon so they too can keep moving forward. No choices but to move forward, but maybe with prayer, they can do it a little easier.

Love,

sara

Sunday, February 8, 2004 7:44 AM CST

GO COLEMAN COBRAS!!!!! YOU HAVE RAISED $2,000 SO FAR FOR LEUKEMIA AND LYMPHOMA!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Clinic last week was a long day but we didn't want to leave without getting everything done, so we stayed and got it all under control. Molly needed a blood chemistry done, a sinus ct and a chest x-ray. So after lots of waiting for our turn, we headed home across the bridge. The labs were okay, some normal, and some not. But the ones that are not within range, are never within range for Molly. Her platelets and ANC were low but okay for her. I'll call tomorrow for the results of the scans of the chest. If all is clear, we'll talk to a pulmonologist. She'll probably have to have a scan of her leg in the near future. The doctor thought maybe something in her labs would account for the pain in the left leg. But I don't think that's it. He said he had another patient with the same type of aching in the leg after treatment. She is on Neurontin and it is helping. Molly hated that stuff. We'll see.

The swimming is a bit of an issue. It has been much harder for her than we expected. She has a hard time bringing in enough air, and it causes her to get very dizzy in the water. She is trying to pace herself and the coach is awsome with helping her with her limits. She really wants it to work out. We are going to give it at least a month before we decide if this is alright or not. It could be scar tissue in her lungs from the tumors that are effecting her lung capacity. I want her to have this. I really do.

Yesterday was Gaspirilla and we had the best time! Haven't smiled that much in awhile and it felt pretty great. It was a fun afternoon. We all came home tired and sunburned on our faces, ordered a pizza and crashed in front of a movie on the sofas. The Rough Riders are my favorite. They do so much in the community for the children with cancer. Whenever I see one of them, I think of Brittany and how much they adored her. Molly said it made her sad to see them pass by. Good, good people!!

We spent Thursday night at the Cancer Center and had a peaceful evening. They are always good evenings there. I say things there that I never share, accept maybe with my Mom. Its a place that feels so safe, accepting....the works. Everyone has their story. It amazes me that this was happening all around me before Molly was diagnosed and I was so completely ignorant to it all. Ignorance is bliss, its so true. What strong, and amazing woman I have met there. We are all so different but yet, more alike in all the ways that really matter.

Molly is busy making Valentines for school this week. Wilbur has been VERY patient with his photo shoots. I think her Valentines will be quite unique. Oh my...this child of mine. She has been active at school trying to raise money for the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society the past week. They are having a fundraiser at her school called Pennies for Patients. The kids bring in their change each morning for a couple of weeks in hopes of making a contibution to fight cancer. Molly has been introducing a friend each day on the morning show with a picture and a little bit about them. She feels proud that these are her friends. She certainly is in the company of greatness!

Better go, Tom is making pancakes. Don't want to misss out on that!

Please pray for our friends at All Children's right now; Casie, Katia, Christina and Emily. Please pray that Bailee has the BEST time in Wisconsin on her ski trip!! Bailee, I want a picture of you doing that crazy booty dance of your's in the snow with all of your winter gear on! Now that would be one for the photo albums!!

Love,

Sara

Sunday, February 1, 2004 6:46 PM CST

Dear Friends,

Wow, its been a while since I updated. I definitely realize this journal has become my outlet more than Molly's health update. Pretty fortunate for that. Constantly counting our blessings. Please keep Katia and Casie in your prayers these next few days. They are both in need of some relief/comfort from their treatment. Brutal is too soft of an adjective. I often fall asleep at night with prayers for so many children, and adults we love. God knows what is in our hearts and if prayers can be measured by how many times thoughts of these kids come into my mind, then I am constantly praying.

We'll be in St. Pete a couple times for appointments this week. Molly's doctor wants to check out her counts, (see if her platlets have gone back up) and see if he wants to do an MRI of her lower left leg. It still aches several times a month, like a bad, bad growing pain. She needs a scan of her chest for prolonged cough (several months) as well. She also has to see the neurologist to make sure all is going smoothly with her migraine medicine, which it is. Some weeks are pretty good and then other weeks, it seems as though her headache is daily. Small problems in the scope of things...very small problems. Funny how your perspective can be so drastically altered.

We have decided to drop anchor here in Tampa. Wow, did I really say that? Is this what "closure" feels like? Feels pretty nice and a very long time in coming. We are on the hunt for a place to call home and I am so very grateful. Tom will still have to travel for the next several months but will be home for 4 or 5 days a week, depending on what is happening in Denver. Eventually, he will be moved to an office in St. Pete. How perfect is that? Certainly not coincidence, I don't believe in coincidence. It is all part of the Plan. The "plan" has pretty much sucked for sometime, but the clouds have been passing and it is starting to make sense. Not to say, that had we known all the things we know NOW, that we would have done it completely differently, because we would have...if we had known. What is that saying about hindsight?? Many lessons learned.

On a really happy note....Molly started swim team last week after begging for a year and a half. She FINALLY dove in last week. The coach said he could literally see the smile on her face as she came up for air. He high fived her after practice and shared with me what an honor it was to coach a kid who truly had the passion to be there. I was beaming to say the least. It was a great day. The gift was realizing its value right then and being so grateful to see her strength in that pool. She jumped in the car on a natural high. I haven't seen her like that in a very long time. The first thing she shared with me was that there were these two girls who were so nice to her and very encouraging as Molly worked her butt off. Of course their names were......Brittany and Chelsea. What else could they have been? Thank you God.

The rest of our days have been filled with school, homework, dance class, swim team, guitar lessons, many trips to the barn, more homework, house hunting, Brownies, field trips, playdates, birthday parties and more homework. Okay, so that's a week!! I love being a Mom. And speaking of being a Mom, I want to thank my Mom and Dad for lifting my load with carpooling!! You have no idea how much it helps!!

Better go get Mere tucked in. Thanks for checking in!!

Good Night,

Sara

Wednesday, January 14, 2004 8:17 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

Wow...Its really cold out. I love the cool weather. It was a long time coming this year. We are back to our routine, which is good, but I do miss the kids being home. Oliver celebrated his 11th birthday on the 11th and had a wonderful day full of family, friends, presents, party...the works. He hasn't had a party in a couple of years so we did it right this year. He had a blast. Our kids are really growing too quickly. I miss their babyhood!

Molly was asked to do an interview tomorrow with a local paper about her Make A Wish. Make A Wish is granting their 1000th wish this month, so they are doing an article of local South Tampa kids with wishes. We got out the scrapbook and remembered what an incredible experience we were given. No matter what the wish granting organization is, these are great people who simply want to do for children with life threatening illness. If you ever have the opportunity to become involved with any of these organizations, please consider doing so!! I am thinking about volunteering as a wish granter sometime down the road. So much sadness and fear surrounding sick children, that wishes become the something to bring them a smile, truly!! Something to look ahead for.

Are we moving?? We have had lots of news in the past couple of weeks, lots of conversations and sorting out emotions. Lots of excitement thrown in there too! The business is selling and it seems as though the new company has an office in St. Pete that they are eager to place Tom in. Wow!! Seems meant to be. But of course there is a hitch. Tom is tied to the transition in Denver by a one year contract. So, our choices are to relocate for about a year and come back when they put him in St.Pete, or to have Tom balance working in the Denver office and Tampa each week with all travel expenses paid for by the new company. They are willing for Tom to work out of a home office two or three days a week and the remainder in Denver. Sounds not too bad....if we hadn't been through so much over the past two and a half years, that scenario would be absolutley doable. Blah, blah, blah....I get tired of hearing myself. Can you tell??

Please go and give blood this week. We are in a terrble shortage. It doesn't take too long and it is truly life saving!! Those are not just words. Its only when you are in the midst of the need do you really understand what it means to need blood, but please go and give. It feels great! You will leave feeling quite proud of yourself by putting the color back into a child's face, literally!

Hope all is well with everyone and their families. Prayers are going out for so many friends fighting cancer right now. Though I may not leave messages in the guestbook each time I visit...I do visit often and pray constantly for strength for those in the midst of it, for those full of worry for what is next, for those who have lost. My heart is really full with so many people. I count my blessing constantly. I know how lucky we are right now and I don't take it for granted. I never want to take it for granted.


Take Care,

Sara

Monday, January 5, 2004 5:15 PM CST

As it turns out....we didn't go to the ultra sound today. We were called back the next morning after clinic to come in right away. Apparently, their concern was much more than mine and wanted her to be looked at ASAP. So, that's what we did. They did an ultra sound of the leg and there was no detectable clot. Thank God. Her red blood levels were just as high though, but a clot is not the cause. She'll be checked again but I will bring her in for blood the next time she has a very dizzy episode. I know its all related somehow. Anyway, after the near heartattack.....all is fine.

The family all went home and here we are ready for school in the morning. The Bahmitzva was amazing and we all had the best time. I'll post some pictures. We cleaned up beautifully!!

Happy New Year to everyone!!
The blobs are Molly's contibution to her page!!

Love,

Sara

Tuesday, December 30, 2003 5:13 PM CST

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday. The kids are so excited that their cousins are on their way from Atlanta for a few days. We'll have tons of fun. Molly's friend is also having her Bahmitzvah (spelling) on Saturday, so we have alot of plans over the next few days. We are shopped out and ready for the big event. Molly and I had our toes and fingers done today. That was a treat.

We had clinic this morning which lasted too long. Anyway, Molly's red counts were way too high again as they were in September. Her counts combined with her continued on and off lower left leg pain, headaches and dizziness got her an ultra sound of the leg on Monday. Her platelets dropped by 100 as well, but they didn't seem as concerned about that. With a hemoglobin of 16......she should be able to go out an run a marathon!! Its so weird because all through treatment those numbers are so very low. I have been concerned since Summer because the symptoms would present themselves on and off, so I am relieved it will be checked out and taken care of if there is a problem. This is never ending. Enough said.

Happy New Year Friends. I wish all of you good health and contentment in your lives for 2004.

Much Love,

Sara

Saturday, December 20, 2003 6:58 AM CST

Me and my big mouth!! Not two days after my last update about not getting the flu...it got me. It was pretty miserable and seemed to last longer than regular kind of viruses. The kids are good though!! I can tell Molly is working on something. But she insists she is NOT getting it. Now that school is out, that should lessen the opportunity. It amazes me how many parents send their kids to school sick. A break from the routine is welcomed and wanted and we are looking forward to relaxing and visiting with my neice here from Ohio, and then my brother and his kids after Christmas. The kids love their cousins and count off the days until we are able to get together with them. Being spread all over the country makes it not as often as we would like. Tom is taking the "red eye" home tomorrow and will be here for a good long stay. He is busy Christmas shopping in Denver today. He really likes to do some by himself and I like it because surprises are always fun!

We will be toasting our glasses this New Year's to Tom's exiting news regarding the sale of his company. Its been a long ride but to have completion of one piece is such a good thing. I spend hours searching on realtor.com for homes!! Since I don't know if we will be in Denver or Tampa...I just look at both. That way, I have it covered. Whether we are moving or not is still the "hot" question. I had someone say to me at school yesterday in all honesty, "do you want to be together?" It took my breath away, and then I just started to laugh because its so easy to make judgments about people's desions in life. I do it all the time. But really, how much do we really know about why those choices are made? Very little I suspect. I try hard in my life to not throw stones. The picture isn't always as clear as it seems...I want to thank all my friends and family who have supported us and not judged. I could write for hours on that one.

Molly has clinic next week. We haven't gone in a couple of months so I am anxious to see what her blood is doing. She was feeling great up until a week ago. Almost felt like I had a really "normal" kid. But, she is getting very dizzy again. I am guessing one of her levels has dropped pretty good and it is making her dizzy. Her migraine medicine is a God send. She does get very nauseated from it but the headache leaves. She uses it very sparingly and responsibly.

I had packed my box of really heavy worry and stored it in my brain. It was staying put pretty well, but its so weird how it can unwrap and unravel so fast and then you are right back where you were when you had taken so much time to get it put away. Please don't get me wrong, I will happily and gratefully, carry that box with me wherever I go. If that is what I am given, I am thankful to have it because I have seen what can replace the box..................My worry isn't just for Molly, it would be a big fat lie to tell you she isn't at the top of my list but...I worry so much for the friends we have made because I have grown to really love them and I want it to be over for everyone. I guess when you really love, you risk your heart. What are the choices?? A lonely and empty life I suppose. The truth of cancer is that there really is not an "end" because there is not a cure. So, take each day given and be thankful for the good ones and try to make it through the tough ones.

Mel, thanks so much for taking Molly to hand out teddy bears today. I asked her if she got sad and she said it felt really good. Molly and her friend Kelsey handed out bears to adult cancer patients today. It was from the Teddy Bear Tea she went to last weekend. They raised 75 bears. The nurses mentioned how comfortable Molly was around the patients. I asked Molly if she told them she had been a patient and she told me "no, it wasn't about me." She is right.

God.....please bless my special friends and thank you for bringing them into my life.

Merry Christmas,

Sara

Monday, December 8, 2003 9:54 AM CST

I had to put up a photo we got back from our family
pictures at the beach. Its absolutley a favorite picture of mine and will be forever. Definitely 13!!

The kids had a great time at Camp Good Days weekend camp. They came in dirty, tired and arms full of treasures they collected for a couple of days. Tom surprised them and picked them up. They didn't know he was coming in this weekend. He and I had a great weekend together, and actually had a whole afternoon and evening all to ourselves. Hadn't had a "date night" since I was in Denver over the Summer. Its hard to make time for that on the weekends when the kids haven't seem him. He is pulled in all directions. I am so thankful that there will be closure soon.

Many, many thanks to everyone at Camp Good Days for the extraordinary treat you gave so many kids this weekend!

The three headed off to school this morning counting off the days until break. Me too. Our fingers are crossed that the flu skips this house somehow. I am getting the kids full of vitamins and sleep and making them wash their hands alot. It sounds like such a terrible one this year. I am debating the flu shot, but will probably head to the pediatrician this week for all of us. Our pediatrician doesn't know if it is a good idea for Molly since her WBC is low. I have a call in to clinic.

The Christmas season is in full swing, but I can't quite feel it yet. I am going through all the motions, but just not feeling it. I do want to take a moment to acknowledge all the families we know who have lost someone in their lives this year or in years past and the pain that is upon them to "make it through" the holiday season. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers so much. I hung the angels on my tree this year and thought so much of those not here with their families. My Aunt Patty's special angel hangs always, at the top of our tree. My uncle gave one to each of the neices and nephews when she died. It is a treasure of mine. This year I hung a few other angels near her.

Take Care,

Sara

Tuesday, December 2, 2003 7:57 AM CST

I hope everyone enjoyed the holiday. It was hard to get the kids back in gear yesterday. We did lots of sleeping in, eating and movies. We spent a good deal of time catching up on household stuff because with Tom home for more than the weekend, we had time to dive into a list...a very long list.

Kids are good. Molly had her appointment with the neurologist last week. He prescribed a med called Midrin and diagnosed her with migraines. The medication is pretty strong and we will only use it when she has one she can't handle with over the counter stuff. He'll see her again in a few weeks. She heads to clinic again in a couple of weeks as well and is supposed to see a pulmonologist (sp?) for a cough that has been with her for several months. Baseline tests on her heart and lungs were done before treatment was administered but none after. Doesn't make alot of sense to me, but with a couple of simple, non-evasive tests, they can see if there was any damage causing the cough. It doesn't bother her, just annoying to have it constantly.

We got the tree up over the weekend as well, but just like every year, in Edwards' fashion, it toppled this morning crushing some special things and leaving quite a mess in its tracks. I swear this happens every year!!!!!!!!! I wish I had been in the mood to laugh a little because of the history, but NO! I had a temper tantrum.

Tom has some exciting things going on in Denver with work. What we have been waiting for is finally happening and we may have an answer to our living dilema very soon. Its hard to believe that it might actually close and our family reunited. I get a lump in my throat if I really think about it. We are yet to learn of the company's plan for Tom's future. Whether it be to remain in Denver or terminate him and return to Tampa. We are hoping for the latter but ultimatley, whatever their decision, we will be in one home again. Snow or sand...here we go again. At least this time, I am in a comfortable place with Molly's health as that led many decisions in the past. Please pray we have closure soon....

The kids are off this weekend to a weekend camp at Camp Good Days. Its called Santa's Workshop. They are very excited about it. I hope to tackle some shopping while they are all gone. Maybe anchor the tree back done!!!!! AHHH!!

Better start some chores while its quiet. Hope everyone is well. Thanks so much for checking in with our family.

Much Love,

Sara

Thursday, November 27, 2003 9:25 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,



Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Love,

The Edwards' Family

Tuesday, November 18, 2003 8:50 AM CST

Its been a quiet but busy week. Just the way we like it. I say thanks daily for what we seem to have been given back... a new normalcy as we know it now. There were times when I would have given anything to have what I do today, and here it is. I remember standing in my kitchen longing to worry about the stupid things because the big things were just too much to have in my mind and yet carry on our daily lives. I learned to put up a pretty good front. The worry will ALWAYS be with me, but as time passes, it gets tucked away a little deeper making normal life a bit more real. It still wakes me up some nights. When I hug Molly, my heart sometimes sinks as I smell her hair. I soak her in, I really do. Sometimes I have to mentally push out thoughts I can't stop that bring instant tears. Our hugs linger now. That is a gift. The basket may be tipped upside down tomorrow, or next year or the year after that...but maybe...it never will. I try to live for the latter. I am thankful.

Molly was diagnosed two years ago on November 30. I share this with you and ask for prayers as well, that Molly remain cancer free. Like her birth, I remember every detail of that day and the days prior. My stomach turns if I reflect too much. As grateful as I am, I am equally saddened for the undescribable loss that has been given to families we love so much. Brittany would have turned 12 years old next week; Novemeber 25th. Please remember her family in your prayers and think about the incredible life of Brittany Zipter.

We have a special night coming up on Thursday. The Children's Cancer Center is hosting a feast; celebrating families. We are really looking forward to sharing a meal and thanksgiving with such special people in our lives. I can only imagine the prayers shooting up to heaven that night around the table. Please check in on our friends listed above and say hi. These are amazing kids and its a real treat to meet them and be given a glimpse into their lives. You won't look at things the same once you do.

Love and Thanks,

Sara

Monday, November 10, 2003 8:46 AM CST

Happy Birthday Molly!!! Its so hard to believe that you are 13 years old today. What an amazing day that was and the details are so clear to me that it could have been last week. The sixteen hours of labor was well worth it all when Daddy and I met you! You were not who I thought you would be. I had dreamed of meeting you for nine months and when you were born, I remember thinking....she looks completely different than I thought. I thought of a chunky, fair skinned little girl with lots of light hair,if any. But not Miss Molly. Long and so skinny with TONS of black hair that stuck up straight in every direction. Daddy kept saying over and over that you were the prettiest baby in the world. And even on this day, he says it so often!! Your eyes were the feature that I thought most beautiful that day. We were in complete disbelief that you were ours. We knew your name because we had chosen it when we talked about getting married, and what we would name a little girl if we were lucky enough to have one. You have continued to "surprise" me. Your life, like your birth, was not what I had planned. But it has shaped you into this extraordinary person, one that I could never have dreamed up on my own. Your life has taught Daddy and I so very much. You are unique and you follow your heart with every decision you make. You have your own internal clock that you keep up with and you do EVERYTHING according to it, because you really are your own leader. For those of you who really know you...you are a daredevil, a very funny kid who will try anything, especially to get those around you to laugh. Your relationships are deep, so meaningful as you surround yourself with people of true substance. I have no doubt the people you have in your life will be there to love you and for you to love in many years to come. I believe you were born to become who you are. Its nothing Daddy and I have done and its not the cancer. You were this amazing being when you were placed in our arms thirteen years ago. Please continue to teach me Molly. I love you so very much. Happy Birthday Sweetheart.

All My Love,

Mommy

Sunday, November 2, 2003 3:27 PM CST

Added some new pictures 11/6/03


Dear Friends,

The Bucs just lost...unbelievable. What a game! We are having a lazy Sunday recovering from a busy weekend. Halloween was a lot of fun. We headed in several different directions. Three kids with their own plans makes for a busy night. I'll post some pictures soon. The kids really looked adorable. Trick or Treating was as it should be, unlike last year's pathetic attempt with Molly and Oliver and their terrible leg pain from Parvo! I think back and have to laugh thinking of the two of them laying in some stranger's grass because their legs were hurting so bad after we had gone down just one block. Oh my....We have come a long way from that. Molly's highlight was a party at her friend's house after trick or treating. The girls walked in still wearing their sashes and crowns. They were Miss Americas.

She is very much looking forward to her big 13th birthday. Tom and I cannot believe we are going to have a teenager in the house! She is busy devouring Lance Armstrong's new book that my Dad gave her. She says its great. We have been fans since way back. My brother is a cyclist as well. Her pony is named after Lance Armstrong. Molly won her foal the same day Lance won his 4th Tour.

We spent last night at a Lightning game with lots of friends from the cancer center. That always makes for a night with lots of laughs, and lots of food!

Molly has her appointment to see a neurologist for her migraines. She is thrilled that she will have some mediction. I was really hoping to avoid any medication, but she obviously really needs some relief. Health wise, she is doing so well. Thank you God!!

Better get on my way. Tom has a flight out and the kids want to go and see Brother Bear. We just don't want the weekend to end. Hope all is well in your homes. Thank you from my heart for the prayers you send our way and the prayers for all the kids fighting cancer.

Love,
Sara



Molly wanted me to add a quote from Lance's book that she really liked.


"Pain is only temporary.......quitting is forever".

Lance Armstrong

Friday, October 31, 2003 8:34 AM CST

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

The Edwards
(the funky little witch, the very scarey ghoul, and Miss America)

Tuesday, October 21, 2003 8:34 AM CDT

Morning,

Funny picture up top, huh? That dog, Wilbur keeps us laughing. I have to ignore all of the bad habits that come with him because he just loves the kids so much and makes us laugh alot!

We went to clinic yesterday for a quick cbc which turned into Molly needing to see a doctor and waiting in three different waiting rooms for two hours. So much for a quick cbc. Her counts (red blood) looked better. They had improved and that was what I wanted to see. Other (white count) was high, so I guess we made a trade. We are trying to make Thanksgiving plans and going out to Colorado was out of the question with her counts from last month but with caution, we can plan on it if we want now. So much can change in such a short time so we'll just have to see.

I am on my way to pick up some pictures I had taken of the kids. It was something I have never done, professionally, but always had wanted to do. No time is better than the present, so we went for it and I cannot wait to see how they turned out. The lump in my throat was huge as I saw the three kids together playing in the sand. They looked so beautiful. I love the way I see everything more clearly now.

Tom was home for the weekend and it flew by. The house gets so quiet after he goes......its been too long. We are at the point that ANYTHING will be better than the lifestyle we are living now. I have all the respect in the world for single parent families. There simply is not enough of one parent to go arround. I pray for patient everyday. I think we will soon have our closure. We need it. Tom and I have conversations about who has it tougher...I'll give him "lonely", but I'll definitely take exhausted!!

The kids captured a baby squirrel yesterday at a friend's house that fell out of a tree. They resued the little guy, named him and brought him to my Mom's because she knows someone that nurses them back to freedom. Oh my!! All in a day.

Quick pony update: THEY ARE THE BEST!! We love them so much. I think they love us more than the treats we bring them but then again...who knows. Molly is learning how to work with them a little and that is fun to watch. She has to be totally in charge for about 10 minutes and then she can be their best buddy again. They have grown so much, Zink has grown upward and Lance is a rolly-polly who has grown rounder. What a special gift those guys are!

Better get some things done around here. Please take care. If you have a minute, please visit our friends sites above to leave a few encouraging words. It really means the world to know that people you don't know pray for your child. Our world really is a pretty small place. Chelsea is finishing up her VERY long treatment next Tuesday!! HURRAY CHELSEA!!! Bailee wants this nightmare to end but it hasn't let go completely. Enough already, right Bailee?? Christina is working so incredibly hard to regain her strength from transplant, Emily fights so hard to keep ahead of her treatment and to focus on the "right now". It must be hard for her to see others on the same protocol finishing up. Little Katia is a fighting warrior. She is working hard to breathe. Can you even imagine not being able to take that for granted??? My dear friend Patty is battling to "maintain". There is no imaging her reality everyday. She truly is an incredible person and has taught me a GREAT deal about life. I thought I was wrapping this up????

Much Love,

Sara

Friday, October 10, 2003 8:02 AM CDT

Good Morning,

Just got all three kids off and I am so glad it is Friday. We have had the flu hit this week, so as it goes, I think I might curl back in for a nap. Oliver was hit hard. He attempted school this morning, but I expect a call at some point during the day. He was miserable this week but seems to be on the mend. Molly got it a little last week and seems to be starting something again...of course she is. Her body can't seem to fight off anything. But, it never did before the cancer. I keep reminding myself when she was in second grade she was seen as All Children's for a year because of immune problems, of course that complicated diagnosis many years ago didn't just vanish because of the cancer. Molly continues to have leg pain in her left leg and I continue to put off going to clinic every week. Her headaches continue as well but at least we have a reason behind them. Doesn't give Molly relief, but it sure helps to get a better night's rest. We have a scheduled visit in a couple of weeks so we can deal with everything then. I have become an expert "Watch and Waiter". Quite the skill, requiring an abundance of patience.

Tom flies in this evening! HURRAY!! He is taking Oliver to Hollo-screams tomorrow. We'll see how that one goes. I put my money on an early night for them. Molly has warned him, but he really wants to try it. Meredith is great. She is in love with my parents new kitten Jake. He is pretty cute. She had a "mock" baby shower for a needy young couple at our barn with her Brownie troop yesterday. The couple just had a little baby girl. It was so much fun. We delivered the presents and it filled their little home in back of the barn completely. Get together 24 South Tampa Moms with a mission and its unbelievable the outpouring of generousity. Thanks Brownie Moms.

Things in Denver are clicking right along and we are very excited about the potential deal in the works. Our fingers and toes are crossed and we'll sit back and wait until the end of the month for some final word. Tom has worked so hard and we all have sacrificed so much, we really hope we have some finality to it all. Still no answer wether or not we will have to relocate, it really depends on how the deal works out. Small worries in the whole scope of life, that is for sure. With our economy right now, I remind myself to be very thankful that Tom has an excellent job with wonderful insurance and benefits. Okay, so it is 2000 miles away but I can still be thankful.

Better wrap it up for now. I never want to end an entry without asking for continued prayer for the children fighting cancer and for the parents who's children lost the earthly battle, but won the big war. It is certainly a side of life that just a small population of people seem to be involved in. The fact that you are reading this means you are and for that I am thankful and grateful. Support of friends and family in the midst of cancer means absolutley everything. I am on my knees EVERY night in thanks for being able to look into Molly's big green eyes.

God bless,

Sara

Thursday, October 2, 2003 5:33 AM CDT

NEW/OLD PHOTOS ADDED


Good Morning,

Have had a hard time sleeping this week so I am up bright and early, coffee by my side. Molly's brain MRI was clear and we have an answer to the headaches. Interesting stuff. Her HCT level in her red blood cells is very high out of range, along with the shape of the cells. This means her body is producing too many red blood cells and they are carrying too much oxygen. Because of the amount of oxygen in her blood, it causes diziness and headaches. It is usually seen in very high altitudes or in heavy smokers. Well.....we live at sea level and Molly obviously doesn't smoke..so, why is this happening. That is the big question. We'll go in next week for a finger poke and see if it still out of range or if it is back to normal. No traveling to Colorado in the immediate future!! Scarey how the altitude might contribute to the problem.

Molly and several kids from the cancer center were honored on Monday at Carrabbas for being holiday card artists for the center's largest fundraiser of the year. The cards are so special, please go visit the cancer center's web page and make an order!! Molly's art is featured in the year around notecards and in the calendar. What a special afternoon!!! We really enjoyed ourselves!


Tonight is our meeting and also PJ night at the cancer center!! What a riot. We have really been looking forward to it. The kids have talked about it for two weeks. We are also dedicating a memorial plaque to sweet Brittany. I am picking it up this afternoon and pray it is what we want. The plaque will hang in the center so that Brittany's beautiful face will be there when the kids visit. We miss her.

An interesting article in the New England Journal of Medicine this morning...Okay...I am up too early. It sites a 50ncrease in the incidence of Lymphoma if the patient had Eptein Barre Virus (Mono) as a young adolescent. It says the incubation rate is about four years. For Molly it was 2 years. I knew about the connection they were trying to make but now it is in the books. Isn't this entry just full of info!!

Molly is off to Halloween Horror Night with her friends from school this Friday. Guess who gets to chaperone? ME!! I am a little scared. She can't wait. We have had a busy couple of weeks around the Edwards. I pray all is well with all of you out there. Thank you for checking in with us and for all the prayers you say for our family and those for our friends, our extended family!!

Much Love,

Sara

Thursday, September 25, 2003 12:04 AM CDT

Hi,

Just a quick update in case anyone is checking. I still have not heard from the MRI results. It is my responsiblity at this point to call and make sure the films were seen. I will do that. I am just sure that it is migraine related and since I have not heard, I am presuming it is. Still need to call I know. Her leg is still aching every few days. If they are indeed growing pains, the girl is going to be very lop sided!!

The week has flown by. Kids are busy with this and that and I am busy running everyone where they need to be. Meredith's little Brownie troop starts today. Took me awhile to get that going this year, but when Meredith woke up at 6am already in her uniform....I knew I was doing the right thing for her by leading her troop. Its for her, my little Brownie.

So many children in my heart right now to worry and pray for. Those on 2SW and those I am missing in heaven. I wrote my first letter in 37 years to our congressman about lack of necessary funding for childhood cancer. Can you tell I am proud??? It felt good. I encourage any of you to do the same. It was simple and the more they hear from us, the closer these kids will get to more funding for research, family needs during treatment, etc....I have never before felt so motivated to do "something" about this mess. I think Brittany might be whispering in my ear.

Better be on my way. I hear Chik-Fil-A calling my name. Other parts of me are screaming NOOOOOO, but I can tune them out.

Much Love,

Sara

Saturday, September 20, 2003 9:39 AM CDT

Good Morning,
I am so glad the weekend is here. The week seemed to creep by to me and we needed a couple days to just do "nothing". Meredith is playing with her birthday toys which she has barely had time to do, so that will occupy her most of the day. Oliver will have a buddy come over to play I'm sure. Molly went off for the day with the Children's Cancer Center for what they call "SURVIVOR". They take the kids from teen group out on a beautiful yacht(graciously loaned for the day from Steve and Sharin Yerrid) and take them to an island in the gulf somewhere. When anchored, they set up for an afternoon of competive games, just like on the show. Last year was a huge success and the kids counted the days until this year. Molly was excited to go but it felt bittersweet at the same time. Brittany and the girls shared the fun last year and made wonderful memories together. They will feel her absence all day......Patty told me to tell Molly that Brittany is right there with them and to pull a little harder on the tug of war rope for Brittany and enjoy the day for her too. And I KNOW Molly's heart will be filled with her all day. Molly has had some hard days and I expect the grieving process to take time. I know the pain is so evident with all the kids who love Brittany.

Molly's MRI went smoothly yesterday. She did have to get an IV and contrast through it to light up the brain and better see if there is a concern in there. Molly takes it all in stride though and was more irritated with the stupid tape sticking to the hair on her arm than anything else. Of course, I sit in there next to that machine I hate and listen to the loud clicking for a half an hour as I watch the time tick away in seconds. It always feels like an eternity that you wait for the procedure to be completed because of the anxiousness you feel in your gut. I doubt there will be anything there, I can say that, but the feeling that there could be and that you know what they are looking for and the memories of when they did see tumors is enough for me. I couldn't wait to get out of that place. We won't hear the results for a while. I am thinking later this week unless something jumps out at them. Again, I think she is so stressed out bewteen school work, junior high, sadness, fear....Blah, Blah, Blah.....that the headaches are a result. She's a tough one though, a quiet strength...........those that know Molly well are asking themselves, "quiet? She's got to be kidding!"

Hope everyone enjoys the weekend. As ALWAYS, please continue to pray for the children suffering from cancer, and for those families feeling the emptiness of loss.

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, September 15, 2003 4:08 PM CDT

Hope the weekend was a good one for everyone. Our's was a busy one , but pretty productive. Meredith celebrated her birthday with friends at Gameworks. She had a blast. Unbelievable that this little might is eight years old tomorrow. My neice and nephew were her with my brother for the weekend from Atlanta and that was certainly the big highlight for everyone. We haven't seen them for a while and the kids just click when they are all together. It was pretty quiet after they left. I hope we'll see each other over the holidays!!

Molly's MRI is scheduled for Friday evening, great timing, but we'll take it. Her headaches have decreased a little, but we'll keep the appointment for good measure. I wish I could say the same for her leg pain. That is getting worse in terms of how often. It is only in the left leg and can last quite a long time at different times during the day. Her Dr. said it wouldn't be as concerning if it were in both legs...but that is not the case. We'll wait it out because I know if I jump the gun and go in this week, she'll have a bone marrow aspiration and I really don't want that unless there is very serious concern. Molly does not do well with that procedure and I will avoid unless made to. It would give me GREAT ease of mind but its not about easing my mind, its about Molly. She's had difficulty finding motivation to get to school. She says she feels lonely there. She certainly doesn't lack for friends, I think she is lonely in a different sense, and understandably so.

That will be it for now. Thanks for checking in. I can't believe I still update this journal. I think I have a caring bridge addiction. One day I can print the whole darn thing and see our life in print!!!

Please continue to pray for the Zipter family as Patty started her treatment today. Their hearts will never heal, but please ask God to continue to give them strength to get through their day. Please pray also for our friend Christina Gates as she fights through her bone marrow transplant. She loves mail...so bring it on!!!

Much Love,

Sara

Friday, September 5, 2003 10:05 PM CDT

This is a letter Molly wrote to Brittany late last night to help her with all her feeling and to be able to say goodbye to her friend. She was honored beyond words tonight at the viewing when Patty asked Molly to read it aloud. She didn't think she could get through it on her own, so we held hands and I read it for her. After Patty had asked her to share the letter....she found the confidence to share it on her site.


Dear Brittany,

I just wanted to let you know that I love you very much. You are loved by so many people and so many people will miss you. Brittany, you will always be my hero. Whenever I feel like I can't do something, I think about you and I feel stronger. Brittany, I think so many people look up to you.

I will miss seeing your smile. Your smile could brighten any room. You knew how to stand up to people and taught me not to let others push me around. You were so spunky and full of fire. I loved being around you and always wanted to listen closely to whatever you had to say.

The first time we met, was my first hospital stay. I was so amazed by your spirit. Right away, I wished you could be my roomate.

I remember when we were in Wisconsin. You and I decided to hang around on the frozen lake while all the other people walked away. You and I realized they were all gone, so we started to head back alone. There was a big hill that we had to climb. It was too hard to get over by ourselves. You put your arm around my shoulders and I put my arm around yours. Together we climbed the slippery hill.

Another memory was when we were at camp, and we were having scooter races down the ramp in the gym. I had so much fun, even if I lost alot!

Brittany, I will always remember your spirit and your smile. You showed me what the important things in life are. I hope you fly so high and far in your powder blue wings.

I hope you are free from pain. I hope you have a nice supply of Starbursts with the purple ones already picked out! I hope that when you look down on earth for the first time and think about your Mom and Dad and your brothers and Mikey, Humphrey, C.A.T., Blizzard and Oliver, I hope they are already up there with you! I also hope that when Jesus and the angels sing to you or talk to you that their every word carries the echo of love. I can't wait to see you again so you can give me a tour of heaven and so I can be with you forever.

Love Your friend,

Molly





Dear Friends and Family,

Just wanted to make a quick entry. I have scheuled Molly next week for an MRI. The MRI I am not concerned about at all. I do not expect to hear anything from it. I would love not to take her but I feel the pressure from the clinic. They said it is always better to be safe than sorry. I agree, but I don't like to stress her out. I did talk to the doctor yesterday for a good while. She'll go in again soon for another CBC to see if there is anymore change. If her leg pains increase at all, I have to take her right in. So far, the past couple of days have been quiet as far as that goes. She has a terrible soar throat and swollen glands again, but insited on not missing any school this week. We can't wait for her cousins to get here for the week and to celebrate Meredith's 8th birthday! I love to see how excited children are when they have their birthday. After all, it is all about them isn't it??????????? Ha Ha!





Brittany,

Thank you for the beautiful sun that burst throught the clouds yesterday as your balloons came to meet you. I am sure you saw Mommy and Daddy's face when it happened.

Wednesday, September 3, 2003 8:11 AM CDT

I just wanted to say that I will really miss my friend Brittany. Its hard to think that I don't know when I will see her again. She is my friend forever.

Love,

Molly

Sunday, August 24, 2003 7:16 AM CDT

Dear Friends,

Another week has passed, it seemed long to me. I wish the weekends had just one more day attached to them. The girls are still asleep and Oliver is at his friend Dylan's for the night. They had to watch the Bucs together last night. He was pretty excited about that. Tom didn't make it home this weekend so we'll see him on Friday. Molly is due to visit clinic next week. We are really liking this every other month schedule. It has been a funny transition to not call clinic for problems unrelated to oncology. It feels like a weaning from clinic to our regular pediatrician. That's exactly what it is. From being so dependent on the opinion of one doctor to where we are now was hard for me but a natural and positive step forward. I am thankful for it. Molly has been feeling good and looking so pretty (if I can say that myself...of course I am a little biased). Her body looks like a typical 12 year old except her inner self is SO very different from her peers. How can it not be? She has changed, as we all have. Tom shared with me that sometimes just looking into her eyes intimidates him because he cannot even begin to understand how she "ticks" anymore. What she is thinking when she looks at you a certain way. I know what he means, its in the those big, beautiful, green eyes that she used to stare at herself with in the mirror when she was two and say, "big eyes mommy!" I am sad for all that those eyes have seen. For the fear she feels for herself and for the real heartache she has for those special friends she truly loves; the ones here fighting so hard and friends that can no longer be with their families. A real innocence has been lost with all of my children. Certainly wasn't what I wanted for any of them but it is what it is. I feel like they are going to be better for it; more compassionate, have a much greater insight into the fragility of life and a deeper love for those around them because they can no longer take life for granted as we tend to do when we don't experience grief and real hardship. Hard lessons for adults, let alone children. I cannot wait to see who they become. I am already so proud of each of them, anymore pride and I will burst. Its not about their grades, or their friends or their sports achievements; its about who each of them are in their hearts. I love you Molly, Oliver and Meredith!!!! So much so that writing it doesn't give it much justice.

Love,

Sara

Saturday, August 16, 2003 4:38 PM CDT

We were once asked to talk about the best thing that has happened since our child was diagnosed with cancer. I thought to myslef...."What a bizarre question.. it all sucks." The question is still difficult because I can think of only one, maybe two. The best thing that has happened to our family since Molly was diagnosed was meeting our friends, who have become like family, from the Children's Cancer Center. Our lives have become intertwhined, connected and that is an amazing gift. But if any of us were given the choice of meeting and bonding or not having our baby suffer from cancer, I am sure none of us would be friends. But the plan of our meeting didn't ask for our opinion, we just met. And now, here we are aching for one another when one of the journeys becomes unspeakably difficult. And our friend's journey has become just that. Words cannot express their trail. Words cannot give justice to what they are enduring. I find myself talking to God so often, asking him for so much, begging Him really. When Molly was sick, I was angry. Sometimes too angry to pray and then of course so racked with guilt for not praying. But I struggled for the reasoning in asking for something that was part of Molly's plan from the day she was lent to Tom and me. I am not afraid to share that I was so angry with God. He knew I was mad. He knew my faith was weak at that time because He knows my heart. Others prayed for me when I just couldn't. Does prayer change the inevitable, I don't know. But it is all that we have to lean on, it is all that we have to offer families that are suffering. Please pray for my friends. Please ask God to grant Patti, Brian, Brittany, Stephen and Christopher all the gifts I would like to make sure they have; comfort, healing, and strength to continue to endure this trial given to them. It is not in our power to give any of these gifts to them; if it were, they would have had them all times a million. But I believe they can be granted through prayer and this is why I ask of you.

Thank You Friends,

Sara

Friday, August 8, 2003 10:21 AM CDT

Here it is Friday already and school is well underway. Of course, Oliver and Meredith are home with fevers and sore throats. So much for that taste of freedom that I had. They all have wonderful teachers and seemed relatively excited to get back. Molly seemed pretty apprehensive for a few days before she went...but now that she has her schedule and teachers, the "unknown" is out of the way. She should calm down a bit. She most definitely is a homebody kind of kid. Can't say that I mind a bit. Tom comes home tonight; makes such a difference when it is every weekend instead of every other. Moving has been put on a temporary hold until a couple of issues are settled, like where Molly would go to school, rather a big one. I think I am asked about our plans to head west at least 30 times a day and it gets pretty old. I just share that we are living in limbo for a bit longer. Secretly, I hope the business sells within the next couple of months and we won't have to. I like to dream.

We spent time at the Cancer Center last night. It was good to be with our friends and hear the kids racing about and screaming downstairs. They have such a good time together. Brittany's brothers were there and of course, that added a whole new element of fun to the evening. They are such great kids!

Its a dark and rainy day today. Good day to crawl in with Oliver and Meredith for a much needed nap! Our hearts are full of worry for our friends Brittany and Christina right now. Please keep them in your prayers. I would really appreciate it.

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, July 28, 2003 10:22 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

We are home! The Big Apple was quite the trip, we had tons of fun and made some pretty special memories. Our legs are a bit tired, but it is good to be back. We packed in everything we could in four days and ran to kids ragged! We rode the subway (saw a couple things there that I can't mention), rode lots of cabs and prayed really hard Oliver wouldn't get sick to his stomach, though he did most rides, ate from vendors on the street and some very cool restaurants in Manhattan, walked SoHo, Wallstreet, Madison Avenue, Canal Street, took a carriage ride through Central Park,saw a Broadway show (really great!!), prayed at Ground zero, toured the Statue of Liberty, had a Naked Cowboy sing Happy Birthday to me in the middle of Times Square, (afraid that might have been the highlight for the kids),and tons more that I can't think of right now. I'll post some pictures as soon as I get them developed. I think we took four rolls. We were the typical tourists! Oliver had to give to every homeless person he saw and it nearly brought him to tears. Meredith's eyes were huge the entire trip and she consantly fired questions at us about everything we saw. Molly was in her glory. She loved the excitement of the city and only wished she had Wilbur on a rhinestone studded leash to walk along her side through the streets of the city. I loved sharing the diversity of our country with my kids. They really lead a very sheltered life and it all comes together for you in New York. So many colors, so many languages and so many INTERESTING people. It was a bit stressful keeping my eye on these three and keeping Oliver from being run over in the street. His eyes were everywhere but where they should have been. That's my boy!!

Molly has been experiencing alot of dizzy spells and headaches the past month. I thought maybe the stress has been getting to her and her Dr. was correct about migraines. I am going to keep an eye on it, as we do, and take her to her Neurologist if it continues. Always something to wake me in the night to worry about.

Thanks for checking on our family. I will post pictures of our trip really soon. Please continue to pray for Taylor and Kaitlyn's family as they try to get through their day. Please keep Christina (our friend from the hospital) in your prayers as they are planning for transplant. And of course, Miss Brittany.......when are you guys coming home anyway?????

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, July 21, 2003 6:15 PM CDT

I found the most beautiful poem to share with all of you. A friend of Molly's, Sarah, left it on Kaitlyn Even's site today. I have read so many and each one is special but this one touched me in particular.


For Kaitlyn and Taylor:


I want to play and soar and dream.
Fly above the fields until I am free.
No pain, no sorrow and no fear,
Can touch me now that I am here.
Breathe in the breeze and feel the sun,
Across my face, I run and run!!
I play and laugh among the trees.
Alive! Alive! I breathe! I breathe!
With legs so strong, I run so fast.
The world just smiles as I go past.
Sweet laughter bubbles up inside,
For freedom long denied, denied.
No tears, no pain, remembered here.
Iv'e been released from all my fears,
To run and laugh until the day
When all bad things have gone away.

By: Brenda Penepent

Tuesday, July 15, 2003 8:20 AM CDT

Molly's friend Kaitlyn went to heaven last night. Again, I woke to the news that another little sweetheart fought with every ounce of being against this most horrific disease and was taken to be with God. Both girls are at peace and whole once again. The cancer had taken so much from both of them. The tears and the grief come for those left behind. The brothers, sisters, Moms and Dads......their pain is one that is unspeakable. Too horrible to even think about for too long and yet, there are two families living through it minute by minute right now. Please ask God for strength for each of them now. I am afraid this journey for all of them continues on with a vengeance. In my mind, I am picturing Taylor sitting on Kaitlyn's lap in heaven. They would have really liked one another here on earth as there are so many similarities bewteen cancer children. Their souls are unique. Taylor would sit on Molly's lap at camp after dinner in their cabin and play with her bracelets, its a nice picture in our mind to see her there with Kaitlyn.

Much Love,

Sara



P.S. I REALLY HATE CANCER.


Wednesday....

What a week. T.V. got struck by lightning so its gone now. Funny. Kids without tv during the summer....hmmmmm? That's all I can say about that. Hope no one gets hurt! My Dad is in the emergency room for kidney stones as of last night and of course the events of this week have been but a thought away. Molly went to the doctor yesterday for high glucose levels and continual bad headaches and dizzy spells. She is pre-diabetic at this point. Her levels will be checked in a couple of months. It runs in Tom's family. She needs to be seen for stress related migraines. Nice. I wish Tom were home. Still no moving decision. We tabled it as of a couple of days ago for obvious reasons. Tom did find a house and a great school for Oliver and Meredith right across the street, but the school we chose for Molly won't take her without the other two (sibling prority) and we just can't swing all three until next year. Oh my.......I think Tom called 15 times yesterday with nothing to say. There isn't anything to say but the need to connect is so great when you are sad. Molly has been quiet but very angry. I am glad to see the anger, at least she is not stuffing it all down like typical Molly style, thus causing bad headaches too. I know she is deeply sad and trying to understand what we cannot understand. The cycle of life is NOT supposed to be this way. Old people die not children.

Sunday, July 13, 2003 8:26 AM CDT

MONDAY
Our house is a quiet place today. Very somber. Our friend Taylor went to heaven last night. Thank you for praying for her. God granted her peace.



SUNDAY EVENING
Dear Friends and Family,

A special friend in Iowa, Kaitlyn Evans needs your prayers this evening as well. Our hearts are so heavy for these two families. Won't you please ask God to grant these children peace. Please wrap these two beautiful girls in your prayers and ask God to give strength to their Moms and Dads, brothers and sisters. Thank you Friends.

Tuesday, July 8, 2003 6:42 PM CDT

Just got home from a long afternoon at clinic. Molly's bloodwork looked good, really good. Cannot believe it has taken this long for it to be looking decent. Her ANC was 2000. For Molly, that is really high. Dr. Barbosa ordered a CT Scan of her sinuses and that kept us there for quite a long time. We'll call in the morning for results. I'm sure he will find what he suspects and get her on a few weeks of antibiotic. If it doesn't clear, then he said three more weeks. I am glad that she will be given something and can get rid of her headaches, and feel better. I think the infection has been ongoing for at least 2 months. We hadn't been to clinic in 2 months, definitely a record! We headed home in a quiet mood. I mentioned how much I dislike going because it triggers such sad memories. Molly told me she felt quiet too but not because of that, but because she said it's hard to see kids in the middle of treatment. And she is right. I have no clue how these doctors and nurses do this everyday of the week. Thank God they do. But what I think about more than the medical staff are the parents of sick children who just keep on going no matter how long and how hard the fight is. Keeping mentally sharp and emotionally strong for your child, trying to maintain a household, and a job, being vigilant in getting the best care for you child, keeping your marriage together and some type of "normalcy" for the other children in your family...that is what is truly amazing and it is all done, every single day without even thinking about not doing it or when it might end. When hell might be over.... Hats off to many of my special friends.

Oliver had his bottom braces put on this afternoon and is completely miserable. He keeps popping the Motrin. Meredith is her happy and healthy self begging me to let her get her hair cut in a bob tomorrow. I guess I should say yes.

I am going to say goodbye to a very special friend tomorrow. She is moving to Tallahassee and I am so sad. We saw her family through her son's Leukemia and a couple months after his treatment was finished, she drove me to an appointment I will never forget. The day Molly was diagnosed. There is NO doubt what God's plan was in our meeting several years ago. She has been a strong source of spiritual comfort to me over the years. A special teacher for me. Miles cannot diminish such a friendship, the bond will be here forever. I will miss you friend!

Guess that's it for now. Hope everyone had a great holiday. Thanks so much for checking in. Please keep praying for all the children fighting hard against this disease and for the children in remission so that they may remain cancer free forever.

Much Love,

Sara

Sunday, June 29, 2003 7:53 PM CDT

Home again, Home again.....


Thank you mom for taking my place this week. It was so nice to get away with Tom and knowing my Mom was here with the kids, I didn't worry for a minute. The kids ate homemade chicken noodle soup and pot roast this week, so they were mighty content. Tom and I were busy to say the least, but we laughed ALOT!

The job at hand was harder and more frustrating than we had thought it would be. There are NO houses in Denver, couldn't find a barn for the ponies, found the most incredible school that we can't afford and that about sums it up. We can't confirm a move until these "little" details are ironed out so.....we press on until we find something or we run out of time on this end with the start of school. Time will tell. Hard to formulate a good plan with all the holes.

Molly heads to clinic this week. It feels like it has been awhile. She has some REALLY big bruises on her legs and a sinus infection that will not go away. She needs a good, strong antibiotic to kick it out. Other than that, she looks great.

Guess that's all in the Edwards' life for now. Hope Summer has been restful for everyone. I dread the start of school. Of course I say that after being away from the children for five days. Tomorrow might be a different story.

Much Love,
Sara

Friday, June 20, 2003 8:44 AM CDT

AFTER MY ORIGINAL ENTRY:
After checking on a friend's site this afternoon, I went back and re-read my entry and was reminded of something HUGE; to be grateful. Life is so fragile, for all of us. So, if you don't mind a bit of whiney banter from me....read on, but the big picture got a bit clearer for me as is does so often when you are reminded how much you really have and how much you can loose.



Dear Friends,

The sun is actually out here, better enjoy it because the rain, as usual, is right around the corner. We are just not used to all this rain. Molly came home from camp with her hair a little longer and skin a little tanner, and her heart a little bigger. All thanks to Boggy Creek. And all of you who participated in Relay For Life. Some of its proceeds go to send children with cancer to Boggy Creek. We had the usual, sad day after she got home because she missed her camp, its counselors and of course her friends. I think it is difficult to switch gears so quickly for them. They feel so much and have so many experiences that we cannot even imagine. She has had tons of stories, one better than the next. I loved every one. I missed her so much. I don't think Meredith could have taken another day without her sister, but Oliver....well, that's another story. He did slip a letter in her bag that said he would miss her though so I won't complain.

She woke this morning with sore glands again and a very sore throat too. I started keeping a journal again of how often this is happening. Maybe just for my own sanity. What I will do with my little journal....who knows. If it persists over the weekend, I will take her to clinic. Feels earily familar.

Yesterday was a wonderful day. We spent time with friends from the Cancer Center at the mall just messing around and then the kids went to a movie. It was alot of fun. Ran home, changed clothes and met everyone at the Cancer Center for dinner and our "group" meeting. How I just love that place and everyone in it. I am grateful for the friends the children and I have in our life because of it. If I had millions, or maybe just thousands, that is where I would like to see my money go. I of course, am in "dreamland" right now, but it is a place where you see the direct benefit of generousity by people. You feel it everyday by the activities and services that are offered to so many families. Okay, hopping off my soapbox.........I have often wondered if our time as a family has expired there and if it time to move on so to speak. Molly is a good bit out from her disease now and the support I once saught isn't as necessary as it once was, but the fears are the same as everyone at the table and the strength that comes from having these people in my life is pretty amazing.

Tom flies in this evening and we are off to Orlando for a couple nights because he has a work conference there. The kids and I are going to tag along and bum a room from Recruiting Solutions. Our kids just love hotels. I can hear the squeels already. The kids have camp starting Monday and then Tuesday Tom and I fly out to Denver together. Mom is going to watch the kids for us for a few days. The trip is two fold. One, to spend some much needed time together, haven't been away from the kids in 13 years. Okay, that is kind of sad I know. Secondly, to scout out all of Tom's hard work and research in Denver in order to try and make a decision about moving. Schools, houses and barns in Denver and in Evergreen. It will be a PACKED few days. I wish this decision were not such a hard one. I feel absolutley torn in two directions with it. I know the "smart" decision but my heart is breaking to think of leaving our home. I felt on board with it last week, even started cleaning house and throwing tons of junk away but then.....I picked up Molly from camp and immediately thought..."I can't do this." She has had enough hard things for awhile and I am sick at the thought of of her hurting and feeling lonely for the special people in her life here. The thought of not having her doctor miles away is really difficult. The compassion of her teachers and security of her school. I am not even adding what a difficult time this is in the life of a pre-teen with no baggage. I moved at this age and quite honestly, it really sucked. The security is here. Flip side, we ache to be a family again and need to see each other at the dinner table. Tom needs our support as he is carrying quite a load out there on his own. We have a handsome young son who really needs a male role model day in and day out. Some things I just don't get with Oliver. I told Molly, I wish I could be knocked out, moved and wake up there with all in order. Then the hurt in leaving would be out of the equation. Strange I know. So the saga goes. And on and on I go too. Thank you so much for listening. This therapy is so much less expensive than conventional help! I'm sure from the outside, the answer might seems very obvious and some days it does to me too. Just not today. You can't know until you truly walk in someone else's shoes what you might do.

Better go. Meredith and Oliver are off having fun today at Camp Good Days day camp. Molly was supposed to go but she is not feeling too good. Hope all is well with everyone. Please stop and take a quiet moment today to pray for the children suffering from illness. I fall asleep each night with my prayers for all our friends running through my head.
Probably not as comforting as counting little sheep, but much more productive! I know God's plan is grand, I just wish I could understand it a bit better.

Lots of Love,

Sara

Saturday, June 14, 2003 8:14 PM CDT

Wishing my Dad and Tom, two of the BEST Fathers in the world, a very Happy Father's Day! Tom, here's to the last Father's Day we spend apart!!!!

Love,

Sara

Thursday, June 12, 2003 10:26 AM CDT

A camping we will go.......And they are off. What a difference in my nerves (AND MOLLY'S) from last Summer. And a difference in the size of the ziplock bag of medicine I had to pass to the counselors. She has come a long way in a year's time. Boggy Creek is in for a real treat this week. There were so many children from All Children's Hospital at camp and sadly, so many familar faces, but all the faces had huge smiles on them and that's what it is all about. Molly and Chelsea were in the same cabin and Molly could not wait for me to go. She kept giving me permission to leave.....so I took her cue and made a speedy exit (okay, so it wasn't so speedy). They were welcomed at camp by very special counselors cheering and screaming upon their arrival. Tears were hard to hold back with that kind of greeting. Many of the counselors are survivors themselves or siblings of cancer patients and it was as if they knew (because they truly do), the price these kids pay to come to this camp. Its more than words can describe. There was a sadness though for our little group of friends because one of their best buddies just wasn't up to going this year, Brittany. She was not far from our thoughts as we walked in the cabin because her name was written, along with the other campers, in chalk along the sidewalk to their cabin. I knew Molly was missing her. I missed her and Patti and Brian too.

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, June 9, 2003 9:11 PM CDT

FINALLY UPDATED SOME PHOTOS.....




Dear Friends,

Hope all of you are enjoying the Summer. We are busy packing Molly for camp. Tom left this afternoon on his 37th birthday!! Happy Birthday Tom!!!! We love you! We had a great weekend with him here, all seems right when we are all together. Have a great week.


Much Love,

Sara

Monday, June 2, 2003 10:14 AM CDT

Summer has officially arrived and to start it off right, we slept in very late. I kept telling the kids, happy Summer!!! I think I am more excited than they are for the needed break. Of course, Oliver and Meredith were already after each other this morning so we set some ground rules. Let's see how long they last. We also set up some Summer chores for them..again, we'll see how long those last.

Molly felt pretty yucky last week. Her glands under her arms became very swollen and soar. It lasted about a week. No other symptoms, but she had a hard time moving her arms. This has happened once before but didn't last nearly this long. If she was still feeling bad, I was going to take her in today but she woke up yesterday and said she felt alot better. Pretty strange. It seems to be her body's way of fighting infection now. Did get my mind wandering to dark places but I think we handled it relatively well. The anxiety is still there but it is much better. I know she worries about herself too, in ways I cannot even imagine I am sure.

She heads to Boggy Creek Camp next Wednesday for a week and couldn't be more excited. It is an amazing camp in Eustis Florida for kids with cancer. It is owned by Paul Newman. She was pretty nervous about going but she got her cabin assignment this morning and now all is better. One of the Moms thought far enough ahead to write a letter for a request and I found out today it was honored!!!! Last year she was on her own and felt very homesick. I was so proud that she trecked off by herself, so this year will feel even more special.

Meredith is off to Vacation Bible school next week with some friends from school and will have lots of fun. Her dance recital, which she works hard for all year, is on Thursday. Meredith will dance into action on stage. We look forward to the show all year and know tons of girls performing, so it makes for a really nice evening. Oliver has camp in late June but he has boycotted all other camps. He wants to be a vegetable this summer. Sounds good to me.

Little pony update.......Lance and Zink are growing like weeds and are so unbelievably attached to Mother Molly. When we pull up at the barn and call out the window to them, they come running. It is certainly a highlight of the entire experience with them. They have truly become part of the family. They have such a nice life out at the barn. Molly's Make A Wish goes on everyday. They are such a reminder to us of the goodness of people. We couldn't love them more. Molly has one more year before we can start to train them for riding. Hard to picture that scenario right now, but we'll get there. We have all learned so much this past year. I hope Molly can be a part of the training because they love and trust her so much.

Better be on my way. I am tackling the garage today! Hope everyone is enjoying Summer. As always, but I will continue to say forever, thank you from our hearts for all your prayers for Molly and all the children with cancer.

Lots of Love,

Sara

Sunday, May 25, 2003 3:51 PM CDT

Hope everyone's weekend has been a good one. Just a few more days of school and the kids will be free from academia for awhile. We are all pretty excited about it. HURRAY! Its been a good year but definitely time for us all to have a break. We have few Summer plans and that's just the way we like it. I am going to be heading to Colorado the week the kids are at KITE camp at the Children's Cancer Center. I am going to nose around and see what I can see. Tom and I will be on our own for a few days and to be honest......I don't think we have ever been away from the kids in the 13 years we have been married. It'll be fun. We celebrate our 14th anniversary on Tuesday, cannot believe its been that long...time is flying by us. No decisions about a move yet. We are still trying to piece alot of it together.

Kids are feeling well and getting tan. Molly looks pretty darn healthy. Latley, I have had so many people approach me to tell me how great she looks. Someone asked me the other day if that was her real hair. Molly and I laughed about that. She does look good and I pray several times during the day that she will keep the health she has right now...this day. I look at her, and my mind flashes to how fragile everything around us really is and how fate was on our side a year ago that I can see her beautiful freckles right now.

Enjoy the long weekend. Please continue to pray everyday for our friends fighting through this disease.

Lots of Love,

Sara

Saturday, May 17, 2003 8:45 AM CDT

THURSDAY NIGHT THE GRAMITIKA BROTHERS WILL BE SIGNING AUTOGRAPHS FOR FANS IN ORDER TO RAISE MONEY TO HELP OUR FRIEND BRITTANY ZIPTER. IT WILL BE AT BEEF O BRADY'S FROM 5PM UNTIL6:30PM, ON NORTH DALE MABRY. GO BUCS!



Saturday

Thought I would take a few minutes and update. Molly had clinic on Tuesday. Her counts were the same, tiny bit lower but nothing dramatic. Her platelets and white cells continue to have a problem rebounding but its said it could be due to effective chemotherapy. Molly can jump to every other month now for a year. They will continue to monitor blood counts, and check her nodes for enlargement. Her doctor said she could feel nothing and that was a big deal. It felt like we "graduated" a tiny bit. Go Molly! Her back is definitely improving. She has times during the day that she will come to tell me it really hurts, so she takes her Motrin, and that seems to relieve the hurt. Its hard to go to clinic when she is in remission. Part of me gains security from it, knowing that she is still in remission, but another part of me would like to run as far from that place and pretend it never happened and never go back. Certainly the latter is not an option. Her favorite nurse Chris kept hugging her and telling Molly that she loved her. I squeezed in for a few good hugs myself. Chris was so good for Molly, truly an angel to her, someone she really trusted with her care. She always takes the time to explain something to us if we have that look on our faces like we just don't get it. We have shared lots of tears and laughter with Chris. Its draining spending time there because you literally feel, as my friend puts it, like you just dodged a bullet for another few weeks. Maybe we will continue to dodge bullets for years to come, that is my prayer every day.

Mother's Day was so great here in the Edwards home. I was given a late breakfast in bed and adourned with the most precious of handmade gifts that made me cry over my pancakes. Oliver made me a book of poems that he had been working on at school for quite some time. A real keepsake! We had to laugh a little at some of them. Meredith made me a beautiful jewelry box out of a cigar box with jewels all over it and a pretty picture of herself on the top. Molly made me a clay Edwards Family. It is so special. She had every detail down, even my denim overalls. I'll remember these Mother's Days when the kids are still young enough to make their special gifts. I took my Mom to our favorite restaurant, Carrabba's and we drank Sangria and had a wonderful meal together. It was a good day.

Thursday night was spent with friends at the Children's Cancer Center. Once settled in there, I never want to leave. We had missed our friends and it was good to catch up in person. Robin......where were you friend? We missed you guys! Seems that there are many worries with some of the girls right now and if I could ask, yet again, to keep the children in your prayers. Please God, heal them.

Much Love,

Sara

Thursday, May 8, 2003 5:50 PM CDT

I am waiting for Lizzie McGuire to end so I can take the kids for some frozen yogurt. Ever since the movie, their new thing is to watch this every night at 7:30pm. It is pretty cute. At least we have a dialogue different from Sponge Bob, for that I am thankful. Somedays, those voices really get to me! Oliver just laughs and laughs. It certainly doesn't help that Tom really enjoys that Sponge Bob guy.

Speaking of Tom, he'll be home tomorrow. He made it home last weekend too. When he is home every Friday, sometimes this commuting seems workable, its the every other that is so hard for all of us. When everyone goes home to get dinner ready for their family and meets their husband at home after work, that's pretty sad around here. Now that Spring break is over, the prices on airline tickets should drop back in the "normal" range and make it easier for us. We are weighing the idea of relocating to Denver and looking into the options out there. Everything adds up perfectly except for a few things, Mom and Dad and very special friends, add in an oncologist that cannot be replaced and it makes for a difficult decision. I have prayed for a long time for the answer to this dilema but neither decision seems like a good one. Sometimes I think we were brought back to Tampa for a purpose we didn't understand two years ago. All of us, Tom too, felt it was the right thing at the time. 3 months later Molly got so sick and here we were surrounded by family and the world's BEST support system ever. It would have been next to impossible to walk that road high up on a mountain alone. God knew our journey before we did and put us where we needed to be to get through it. He put us with all of you. And a wondeful doctor to take care of Molly. Is the journey almost over, is it time to go back to Colorado and finish what we started out there? Is that the answer? If so, what a gift that would be to be able to put the cancer "away" and move on from it. Too bad it is like a shadow following the every cough, every achey morning, every headache that Molly complains of. It will never completely let go of us. It wakes me in the night and often it is the first thought of the morning..."what if...." Or... are we tempting fate by going back when I felt like we were truly "brought" back. Oh my, am I getting heavy or what?? I think this journal is my therapy. Sure hope you all don't mind!!

Medically speaking, Molly has her appointment at clinic next Tuesday. I am trying to schedule a visit to the pulminary specialist for the same day. Wish me luck. We opted to pass on physical therapy for her back. I don't feel like that would be beneficial for her. She looks better this week, has better color too. Her energy level is never what it is in other kids her age, but we'll take it. She is swimming alot, trying to build up her indurance. I am anxious to see what her counts look like. I am hopeful they have stayed the same. Last month looked better than it has in a while. She is due for scans of her neck and chest in a few weeks. She goes for those every 3 months. It was suggested that a repeat bone marrow is done in 6 months. If her blood continues to be the same, I don't see that it would be necessary. Wow, I am quite long winded tonight.

Molly's friend Michael was in a bad accident a couple of weeks ago. His picture is on the web page from Relay For Life. He fell 25 feet from a carnival ride and has been in the hospital since. He sustained serious head injury. Please keep him in your prayers for a full recovery. Michael, if you are reading, hurry up and get out of there! Your friends really miss you.

I want to wish a Happy Mother's Day to all my aunts and friends and sisters-in-law, but especially to my Mom! I love you Mom. Better go grab some popcorn before it is all gone!! Oliver tendsto hog the popcorn bowl.

Before I sign off, I want to thank the Youth Group at the barn, Avalon, for organizing the great fundraiser for Make A Wish. Lance and Zink and Molly thank you from the bottom of their hearts. They really do! That was a very kind and generous thing to do.

Lots of Love and thanks for listening to me!

Sara

Tuesday, April 29, 2003 3:16 PM CDT

MINI UPDATE:

Molly had her appointment this morning and got only one shot. Her doctor said he was not comfortable giving her a live virus immunization when her counts are low. Molly was very relieved. He did refer us to a pulminary specialist because she is still coughing a good deal and he wants to rule out that she has become asmatic(sp?).Her cough has been persistant for over 3 months. He thought he heard wheezing. The cough is not viral or allergy, and her sinus ct scan looked good. He said her spine was beginning to show curvature, scoliosis, which can be typical at this age in girls so he is going to watch that every other month. Dr. Reina is so awesome. I don't have a clue what Tampa will do when he retires....He is the finest pediatrician. He pretty much diagnosed Molly's Lymphoma within one visit and in my opinion, saved her two years of additional treatment. Molly is so wiped out, tired. I haven't heard her complain of being tired in a while but today I could tell she was really dragging. We went out to see the ponies and while she was leading Lance she told me she just couldn't walk him today....she was just too tired. So we put them in the pasture and watched them play instead of a good grooming session. She looks pretty pale. Her hemoglobin is probably low. She slept for 13 hours last night so it certainly is not lack of sleep. As we walked out of the hospital this afternoon she was so funny, she said "walked in tired and I am walking out with scoliosis and asma". (how do you spell this???) i just love her!! Sleep tight everyone. Please keep Brittany close in prayer as she undergoes chemo this week at University Community Hospital. Thank you.

Love,

Sara

Thursday, April 24, 2003 4:30 AM CDT

Dear Friends and Family,

Its early and I am sure will prove to be a busy day. I am so aware of how truly fortunate we are to be able to have "busy" day together. I am writing to ask all of you who visit Molly's page to please say a prayer for a little 7 and a half year old girl named Taylor Johnson. I will post her web page at the bottom. She goes to our meetings at the cancer center with her brother Landon and Mom and Dad. She is currently in Philadelphia receiving treatment and is hurting so much. If anyone ever feels confident that they have the answers to the burning questions of life, I invite them to answer the "why's" of childhood cancer, because there is no way that I will ever understand or accept the suffering that these children endure. There is just no place to "tuck" it away and be comfortable, even a little, in understanding why this has to be. Yes, research has come so far in the past 10 years, but just one of these children simply means its not nearly far enough and the truth of it is, there are tons of these kids. Hopping off my soapbox now.

My neice left this morning and we had such a nice visit with her. It had been some time since we had seen her and she has grown into a beautiful young woman. Emily, if you are reading this...I am proud of you!! The kids had a blast with her and I would catch Meredith just staring up at her wondering what it must be like to be a teenager. The kids didn't want her to leave. They all must have hugged about 20 times.

Thanks for checking in.

Much Love,

Sara

P.S. Happy 12th Birthday Kelsey!!

Friday, April 18, 2003 7:24 AM CDT

I love this time of the day, when its early and quiet, before everything begins. Our week was an UNEVENTFUL one and I really love that too. We have off today because its Good Friday. Tom gets in this afternoon and my neice is coming in for a visit on Saturday. We haven't seen her in quite sometime so it should be good to really catch up. The kids are excited about Easter. We'll dye some eggs tomorrow. Molly is off at a friend's for the day and overnight at the beach. Not a bad way to kickoff the long weekend. She felt pretty good this week. I haven't heard her complain about being tired in days and that is a nice change. Oliver and Meredith are feeling better and I think the "flu" is behind us. I juggle so much it seems being here without Tom and when one of the kids is sick, my basket tips over. So, just having everyone feeling better, is such a positive thing.

We spent the evening at the Children's Cancer Center last night. It was good to catch up with all of our friends. I am so happy to see Brittany back to herself. She was there with her brothers and Mom and Dad, enjoying the beautiful evening out on the playground. I love visiting with her, she really cracks me up. Her parents are a constant example to me of strength. I remember when molly was so sick, people used to say,"I just don't know how you do it...I could never do it." But you do, because you have to, there are no choices in this mess of a disease, but you can do it with dignity and intelligence and never ending love andcompassion on top of all that is already given to you to handle and this is exactly how the Zipters face their challenges. I admire all of them. The Tampa Tribune wantsto do a story on these kids, their friendship over the past year and the bond that has been created bewteen them. I think it would be nearly impossible to put into words the relationship amongst them. I know the friendships I have made through this are unique and unexplainable in their value to me. I am thankful.

Better be on my way. The hamper is falling over with clothes and Nikki (our Collie) has left quite a mess upstairs. I wastoo tired to tackle it last night when the kids were screaming..."Oh my Gosh...look what Nikki did." Maybe they already took care of it????? Yea, right!!

I wish allof you a wonderful Easter. Please keep these children high in your prayers.

Lots of Love,

Sara

Thursday, April 10, 2003 8:56 PM CDT

Is the week over yet?? Is it time to look up?? Where is the time going lately....Needless to say, it was a fast week for us. Molly had a visit to clinic yesterday which had us in St. Pete for about 5 hours of waiting. After her oncology visit, we headed up the elevator to meet with another doctor. We are looking into some physical therapy at this point to relieve her back pain. The consensus is that its most likely nerve damage due to latent effects from chemo. Her counts came back up, and I was happy to see that. I was sitting on some information about her bone marrow biopsy for the past month or so and doing some research on it. Tom pressed me to ask some questions so I pulled it out. Again, the answer is chemo related. Such poison.

Oliver had spiked a bad fever this week so we took him in on Tuesday. They did a quick finger poke and found his white count around 20, which is high. That got my heart rate going but the doctor felt he had a bacterial infection so he put him on antibiotics. Needless to say, got the call today that it is NOT bacterial. Who knows what it was but you can bet we will have his blood drawn again a couple of weeks. He didn't handle the blood draw quite like his sister. Let's just say, there was a good deal of throwing up going on. Poor little guy. His leg pain is still around, but I think less. Can I throw in here that Oliver got straight A's (except music) but in my book, he got all A's. I am a bit proud! Way to go Oliver!!!

Meredith is a tired little thing this week and fighting a cold. Can flu season PLEASE end????? It really throws a wrench into an already stressful routine. This single Mom thing just isn't going to fly for me much longer. I think I am about at the end of my rope with it. We are trying hard to make some decisions about our wacky life...enough said on that subject or I could be here all night.

Just wanted to update about clinic. Sleep well.

Love,

Sara

Saturday, April 5, 2003 2:41 PM CST

Dear Friends,


NEW PHOTOS FROM RELAY


My eyes are still tired, but I wanted to write an entry while the events of last night are still fresh in my head. What an event, Relay For Life was last night. Many, many thanks to all the people who helped to put this together over the last year. Molly kicked off the walk with a personal speech and a great poem she read aloud. I would like to share the poem with you:

I WALKED AROUND A TRACK TODAY
I WALKED TO HELP A DISEASE GO AWAY.

I WALKED BECAUSE THERE IS A NEED
I WALKED SO THAT BODIES COULD BE FREED.

I WALKED TO GIVE A CHILD HOPE
I WALKED TO HELP SOMEONE COPE.

I WALKED FOR A HUSBAND OR A WIFE
I WALKED TO GIVE SOMEONE LIFE.

I WALKED WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH
I WALKED FOR SOMEONE ABOUT TO DIE.

I WALKED THE TRACK ROUND AND ROUND
I WALKED SO THAT A CURE COULD BE FOUND.

I WALKED FOR EVERYONE TO SEE
I WALKED FOR YOU, I WALKED FOR ME.

Pretty powerful stuff. Molly did a beautiful job. She was very poised and seemed very comfortable, though she shared with me how really nervous she was. I had a moment, among many, but I will always remember her up there on the podium speaking because she did it on her own, her own way, without any help from me. It felt like a growing pain watching her move into her independence.

I am so proud to mention that her Think Zink team raised over $6,000. 18 twelve year old kids raised $6,000. They came in second only to the American Cancer Society team itself in terms of dollars raised. All on their own. Way to go!!!

Here is a favorite of the night.......a crowd of the sweetest 6th grade boys from Coleman approached Molly as she was sitting on a cooler visiting with her friends. One of them nudged her, and looking at his feet said "hey Molly, we all have something for you. Here you go." It was an old baseball. They had each signed their name on it, passing it around to each of them. Keep in mind, some of them had just come over from their game to join us walking for awhile. Molly smiled so sweetly at them, I could tell it meant so much to her. Of course, it was a great photo opportunity so all the Moms siezed the moment. Had to have a tear over that one.

We walked and prayed in the dark along the track lit with beautiful luminaries dedicated to survivors and loved ones lost. Our site was marked with a beautiful banner of pictures of the children from the Children's Cancer Center. I will post a picture on the site soon. This year felt differently than last. Safer is the word I am thinking of. Farther out from the scarey stuff but still so close in my heart, the fear of relapse and the pain I feel inside for dear friends of our's fighting the illness with everything they have. The mood for me was more subdued than last year. The reality of this disease seems deeper now. Last year, I think we were still like deer caught in someone's headlights. Not so niave anymore I guess. Maybe that is scarier.

I LOVED having my brother, Steve there and my Aunt Debbie and Uncle Steve were passing through Tampa and made their way to the track for some laps too. Of course Mom and Dad were there to help and take lots of photos. Many, many thanks to everyone who came out to support the fight against cancer.

Molly heads to clinic this week. I have a list of questions for her doctor I started awhile ago. I am anxious to see her blood work and hoping it has made some good jumps to some better numbers. She certainly has been on the downside for about 4 months now, which does cause me to worry, big shocker there! Her backpain is persisiting, getting a little more intense and that just lingers in the air...4 months now.

I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. Thank you so much for checking on our family. Please continue to pray hard for the children fighting cancer to stay strong in their spirit against the disease and that they will one day be able to just feel like everyone else....a kid again.

Much Love,

Sara

Friday, March 28, 2003 9:35 AM CST

Good Morning,

Just a quick update while I take a break from cleaning the house. Spring break is winding down. It was such a fast week. I tried to keep the kids busy. They were disappointed we didn't head to Colorado over break. Tom comes home this afternoon. He'll be just in time to help out with the sleepover party the kids planned. They are excited to have their friends from theChildren's Cancer Center over to the house for a sleepover. Should be lots of fun. I am trying to think of some things to keep them busy but if I know them, it will be a wasted effort because they all just enjoy being together. Kind of like the Moms!!

I would like to invite EVERYONEto come out and walk with us at the Coleman track on Friday night for Relay For Life. It is the American Cancer Society's huge fundraiser worldwide. Molly was asked to speak to kick off the event. She started her speech the other day and I caught a glimpse. Its pretty great stuff. She mostly talks about the people she has met and what special friends she has now because of her experience. She found the good in all of this...her new relationships. Its an honor to walk. Molly ordered her luminaries for the night. They are simple white bags with candles in them that line the track. At dark, they are lit and in silence we stand in front of them to honor and remember everyone who fights cancer. Molly nearly broke the bank when she gave me her list of luminaries. When she picks them up, they will each have the name of a special person in her life, some kids and some grown-ups. Her friends from school formed a team together, about 20 of them. This past year, I am so proud to share, friends honored Molly by raising money on behalf of cancer on four seperate occasions;Pennies For Patients, Light the Night, Relay For Life and of course,at Christmas time. Thank you from my heart for loving her and supporting her. Please don't think for a minute that Tom and I are not CONSTANTLY grateful for the gifts of friendship we have in our lives. We are certainly a rich family in that regard.

Have a wonderful weekend.

Love,

Sara

Please take a minute to visit our friend Kaitlyn's website and send her a supportive message. Jokes are great!! The website is listed below.

Saturday, March 22, 2003 6:54 AM CST

Good Morning,

3/23/03 TOM HAS POWER!! Still stuck on the mountain but he is warm and clean.


Here is a story for all of you.....started off funny but now its just pretty sad. Tom was in Evergreen during the worst blizzard to hit Colorado. He is leasing the guest house next to the big house when we lived there. The snow started to fall and didn't stop until there was about 7 feet. It has paralyzed Denver but up in the mountains......it is so much worse. No power, no phones and no water since Tuesday. The road to the house is still under 7 feet of snow and it seems he is the last to get power as well. We were literally at the top of Bear Mountain, very isolating. Tom was no where near prepared for this. He had no food because he eats out in Denver and brings the left-overs up the mountain. There is no way to get into Denver at this point. He is cold, the house is now abbout 40 degrees and hungry and pretty mad...did I mention no shower since Tuesday? He has his cell but conserving it. Meredith tries to call him constantly. Oh my. He is hoping that the power is in place today. I guess no pancakes this weekend! The roof of the Denver airport collasped as well, along with the roofs of a couple grocery stores in Evergreen. The weight of the snow is just too much. Poor Tom.

Kids are good. Molly was at school everyday this week. Its a record. First full week since.....I don't remember. She is still coughing and feeling run down but I think the cough is turning the corner. Back is still the same. We visit clinic the beginning of April so.....who knows. I have to call for Oliver to be re-checked for his leg pain. He has had a couple of bad episodes and the worrier in me wants to make sure his original diagnosis is correct. He started his braces this week and his mouth hurts. It will be a long road with this. His mouth is tiny and his teeth, huge. Motrin does the trick though. Meredith is busy with her little social life. She has the sweetest friends and loves spending time with them. She is off to ride ponies this morning for a birthday party. She has her clothes all layed out. The outfit part is very important to Miss Meredith. I should have a few lessons from my fashion Diva.

Here is something funny. I started a part time job this week at the kid's school. Its good for me to be out of the house and occupy my mind. I see all the children at Mabry and get to visit with the parents too. Its just until the end of the year but its been fun so far. A friend of mine is going to cover for me if Molly has and appointment or if she is sick. I told them I am really not very reliable at this point, but they needed someone, a warm body, and with my friend's help, I think this will workout.

Guess that's it forn now. Thanks you for checking on the never-ending saga of the Edwards Clan. We are certainly a funny bunch!! Hope all is well with each of you and your families. Have a wonderful spring break!!

Lots of Love,

Sara

Sunday, March 16, 2003 5:17 PM CST

Dear Friends,

What a fast weekend it was. Here and then gone. I am glad that the kids have just this week before Spring break. A well needed rest is on the way. This family LOVES to sleep in. We spent the day at the barn. Too bad there wasn't a hidden camera taping me and Molly as we tried to intoduce Lance to a soapy bath. It would have sold for millions. We looked like a couple of idiots. Keep in mind, everything we do with the babies is brand new and very traumatic for them. Lance was fired up and his temper was flaring. He was terrified. Thanks to a dear friend, Juli, he quickly learned who was in charge and the bath got done. Juli saves the day! We are learning..so much to learn.

Yesterday was spent in the waiting room at All Children's. Just wanted to lend some support for Brittany's surgery. She did well and there were no surprises. She is recovering, but in terrible pain. What a hideous thing cancer is. Please pray for each in their family.

Molly almost hit her goal of making it to school all last week. Friday came and she was feeling pretty rotten, still coughing but vomitting too. Dr. Reina sent her for a quick chest x-ray at St. Joe's. Amazing how once upon a time this might have been a big ordeal and now its old hat. I was able to see the films and it was pretty interesting. I could see the scar tissue from where the tumors must have been in her chest. Yuck. She rested over the weekend and hopefully will be set to go tomorrow. We are trying a prescription allergy medication.....I am not counting on it making a difference. She looks tired and I think is a bit down. My Mom sat with the kids all day yesterday and tried to get Molly out. Thanks Mom!! Molly loves her sooooo much. She is very worried about her friend Brittany and their family. Her back is still nagging at her, somedays worse than others. It BOTHERS me that we don't know what this is. She takes Motrin around the clock every 6 hours and it helps.

Tom didn't make it home this weekend but I think phoned me and the kids about a thousand times. He doesn't talk that much when he is here. He is going to take a few days next week. Hurray!! We miss our pancake breakfasts (Tom makes the BEST pancakes).

Better go, and sign all the kid's papers for Monday. Its a bit of a job going through all of it. Is it Summer yet?????
Have a GREAT week. Thanks so much for signing Molly's guestbook and for supporting Brittany's family through messages as well.

Love You,

Sara

Wednesday, March 12, 2003 2:21 PM CST

To all who fight cancer.....

CLOSE THE DOOR WHEN YOU LEAVE


I never asked you to visit
...at least I don't believe I did
Maybe....I don't know
Its so confusing

At any rate, you're a RUDE guest
You take my energy
rob my sleep, and with a stick
You swirl and distort my dreams

All right, You are here..for now
But understand
There are two places
That are forever off limits

You MAY NOT tread on my spirit
You MAY NOT occupy my soul

I have heard of your visits to others
I know the damage you leave
in your path
The wanton disregard for innocence,
value, and what some would call fairness

Also, I hear that laughter
confuses you;
that good food makes you feel bad, and
That nothing causes you more distress
than an autumn sunset,
The forever blue of the Summer sky
Or the uncondiotional radiance
of a child's smile

Listen and understand
You may pilfer my closets,
empty all the drawers,
and trash my house
But there are two places
forever off limits

You MAY NOT tread on my spirit
You MAY NOT occupy my soul

Do not mistake my naussea, weakness,
and pain as signs of your victory
They are simply small dents
in the armor I wear to fight you
Instead, look deeply into my eyes

They will once again remind you
that there are two places
forever off limits

You must not...
May not...
Will not tread on my spirit

You must not...
May not...
Will not occupy my soul


Beautifully written by: Michael Hayes Samuelson

Monday, March 10, 2003 12:23 AM CST

Dear Friends and Family,

And so a new week begins, who knows what it might bring. What is most on my mind this morning is our friend Brittany. She was admitted last night to ICU for terrible pain. She needs prayers. So many things to ask God to help her with, but at the present, an answer to her pain would be a good start. Thank you friends for checking on her and leaving messages for her too. The world is really quite small, isn't it?? Our community never ceases to impress me.

We drove Tom to the airport last night after a short weekend home. Quite sad. You would think we would be used to the goodbyes, but no. We are busy trying to work this most bizarre situation out and several "road blocks" just seem jump in our path. The answer just doesn't seem clear yet. A friend tells me it will, and I trust that. Brittany's Dad reminds me to be aware of how hard this must be on Tom and that helps me to take myself out of my "feel sorry" for me place, and think about him. So many sacrifices made thus far, we are weighing decisions maybe too carefully.

The kids are okay. We began reducing Molly's medication, but interestingly, the pain is increasing. So, back on? We see the neurologist tomorrow. Her oncologist says it is probably inflamation but is not comfortable with the length of time it has been hurting. He wants her to be on Motrin 24/7. Molly thinks of Brittany's pain and says "its okay Mom, look what Brittany has to feel." Everything in life is so relative. Molly developed a weird rash over her chest on Saturday...looks better this morning. Still coughing and feeling run down. Her counts were all low for her and this would explain why she is feeling so tired. I think the flu season is kicking her butt. She has been feeling "down" lately, so Tom and I got her out and about with friends on Saturday. It really seemed to help. She has much on her heart to sort out and question. Sometimes the sadness she feels, overwhelms her. Such big questions for a child to understand, when as an adult, I still don't have the answers. The same friend I mentioned above, told me one day when she gets to heaven, her list of questions for God will be long. Indeed it will. I went to drop Molly off at school on Friday and I could feel her sadness, so we drove THROUGH the drop off line and headed straight for the barn. Definitely a mental health day. We had quiet time to talk about some things. I love those real talks. What really helped was feeling the strong breeze hit us as we watched the ponies rear up at each other and run with such speed through their pasture. How can you feel sad when you see that beauty??

Oliver had a bad episode of leg pain last night on the way home from the hockey game. Here is a kid who NEVER cries and he was quietly sobbing in the back of the truck all the way home and didn't stop until the Motrin kicked in. He hasn't complained about the leg pain much lately, just on and off so I was surprised. He felt it was because of all the walking at Busch Gardens that day. Maybe...probably. I felt so badly for him. The girls were scared to see him hurting like that. The docotor said the Parvo Virus could take up to a year to leave his body. I felt like it was getting better until last night. What the hell is Parvo anyway.....some weird, freaky virus that hits kids, not just dogs! Enough of my sad attitude today.

On a happy note, Meredith lost another tooth and looks totally adorable! I can't believe my baby is missing her two front teeth!!! Better hit the homework and put stop to the snacking!!

Please remember Brittany in you prayers tonight.

Love you all,

Sara

Wednesday, March 5, 2003 8:05 AM CST

Just a quick note this morning. I want to say a VERY special thank you to some thoughtful third grade students at Dale Mabry Elementary. I was invited to share the story of Molly's Make A Wish story a couple of weeks ago because the class had a lesson on Chincoteague Island Virginia. I thought I would just drop off the scrapbook of the trip I had made, but instead, Mrs. Rogers pulled out her big rocker and asked me to share the experience with the class. What a special day for ME! The precious memories of our trip flooded back to me like it was last week and I remembered details I thought I had forgotten. The best part was looking into the children's eyes because they were REALLY tuned in to the details. They wanted to know. A teachable moment I guess, one from the heart. Who said its all about the FCAT??? I shared about Molly, the trip and of course, the wonderful baby boys we adopted last Summer, the ponies. The kids wanted to hear all about the ponies, so I proudly shared. A couple days later, while doing Meredith's Brownie meeting at school, a student came in and handed me a big bag. She handed it to me with a big smile. I peeked in and it was stuffed full of peppermints and Sour Patch kids. Only they knew.....this is the favorite of Lance and Zink. It put a big lump in my throat. Needless to say, the ponies are very happy to know that their treat supply will not diminish for quite awhile!! THANK YOU GUYS!! And thank you for letting me share with you a most special time for my family.

Love you,

Sara

Friday, February 28, 2003 2:42 PM CST

Dear Friends,

I ADDED SOME NEW PHOTOS TODAY.


Thanks for the all the guestbook entries, Molly has fun reading them!!

What a long week it has been here. I was so close to sharing that Molly got through a whole week of school with out leaving early or an absence....but, no. Her back is giving her more pain and she started a persistant cough about a week ago that is not getting better. So, we are off to the pediatrician for an appointment. Hopefully, she can get something for the cough. So many germs around right now. I am not worried about the cough as much as the back. We will head for clinic next week to talk about her back pain. I am anxious to pull her off her current medicine because obviously, it is giving her no relief. The frustration I have as a parent that I can't make it go away is mounting. Its so difficult to hear her tell me she is hurting and I can't do ANYTHING to help. Molly just wants to feel like everyone else does. That is what she shared with me this morning. I want that more than anything in this world!! She wants to join a swim team but there is no way. She wanted to play on the Coleman soccer team a couple of months ago...but that was not be either. I would never have thought it would have taken her body so long to recover.

Relay For Life is starting its big fundraising campaign to support cancer research. If there is a knock on your door please consider a donation. The money will truly go to help millions. Molly and some school friends sold cotton candy at school today to raise money for their team this year. The humidity was our enemy as we watched the fluffy purple stuff start to solidify into this sticky gooo. It was fun and the kids seemed to really like it so we'll call that a big success. I think we may have profited a big $50?? Success isn't always measured in dollar amounts.

I hope everyone has a good weekend. Looks like it might be one of those weekends to get things done inside and sleep very late. Its supposed to rain non-stop. Yuck!

Take care,

Sara

Friday, February 21, 2003 2:06 PM CST

Dear Friends,

CHECK OUT NEW PHOTOS! TRYING TO LEARN THE HOW TO'S OF THE SCANNER.

Wow, what a fast week. Meredith and I have been quaranteed for the past few days. She had a bad case of the flu, but is definitely on the mend now. Amazing what you can get done at home when you don't leave the house at all. Tom gets home in about an hour. He has a big date tonight with a little Brownie. Its the annual Father-Daughter Girl Scout dance. Tom usually has two dates but since Molly is longer in scouts,its just Meredith and her Dad. The girls usually abandon their Dads early on in the evening and then race around twirling in circles and screaming with their girlfriends.

Had to pick up Molly early today because she can't keep her eyes open. She is so wiped out and her back was hurting. She walked right in the door and right to her bed. Hopefully, a good nap will do the trick so she can enjoy her evening. I think her medicine is kicking her butt. If I don't see some big improvements in the next two weeks with her back, I'll talk to the doctor about weaning her off of the medicine.

Now I am going to talk to you Prayer Warriors out there, and trust me...I know who you are because you really showed yourselves when Molly was so sick. Brittany is a special friend of Molly's and started her radiation treatments on Wednesday. Its a hard procedure for her to endure, it sounds frightening and very uncomfortable. I'll add her link below if you want to check on her and leave her an uplifting message, joke or just let her know your praying for her. She is experiencing a great deal of pain right now. Thank you friends.

Better go and help the Princess Meredith prepare herself for the dance. Happy Birthday Mom!! I love you!!

Love,

Sara

P.S. We'll post some Wisconsin pictures this weekend, pretty cute!!

Monday, February 17, 2003 7:51 PM CST

Took a break from Fear Factor to update the page. Molly got home late last night about 12am. She kept us up with her stories until 1:30am, slept very late and took a good long nap late this evening. We dropped off her cameras and can't wait to see what she got. She brought home some beautiful pictures that were given to her by a professional photographer that was on the trip. The pictures truly captured the happiness in her face. We will post some soon. She said her favorite was the snowmobiling, but she definitely had a hard time choosing when I asked her favorites. Her stories were mostly about the girls and her chaperones. What special, special people to give their time and energy(lots of this)to the children.

When I opened her luggage, a wonderful smell of "campfire and cold" came out. I could almost picture myself there for a minute. Thank you so much to all the chaperones, the Children's Cancer Center of Tampa and to Jerry Wunsch of the Seattle Seahawks and Grant Winstrom of the Rams. They gave these kids an experience no parent ever could because it wasn't just the trip, but the incredible combination of commanalities, friendship, respect and love that they exerienced together the past week. I must say, the Bucs lost a real treasure in Jerry Wunsch last year.

Molly's back is still hurting. Even with the increase in her presription, the pain is still there. We'll give it a couple more weeks before I talk with the neurologist. She only takes the codeine if it is really hurting and on the trip it was only Motrin. So, we are making progress. She has lost a few pounds over the past month so we'll work on getting that back on. I can't imagine just not being hungry!! I can always eat....enough said.

Back to real life tomorrow. Tom is flying out to Denver on a 5am flight. I think Meredith has strep so its of to Dr. Reina in the morning. Get Oliver and Molly off to school. We have a big job ahead of us in the afternoon. The ponies found a giant pricker bush the other night when they were let out in the pasture. They rolled and played and are now FULL of prickers. One by one they have to be pulled off. Poor Lance, his were so bad that his forelock(the hair bewteen his eyes)sticks straight out and he looks like a unicorn. Wait until Molly sees this!! I'll never be trusted to keep my eye on them again!

Goodnight,

Sara

Saturday, February 15, 2003 9:27 AM CST

This website is funny. Sometimes I think I update it as some kind of diary for our family because I don't have very exciting news but I keep on updating!

We heard from Molly a couple of times yesterday. Both conversations were unbelievably brief. The first I think maybe 60 seconds and the second was at 1am to say goodnight and tell us she and her friends were on their way to the pool for a swim. The conversations leave you wanting to hear more, but Molly obviously was making a courtesy call because she did not have time to talk. That's the way we want it though!!

Her friend Emily broke her arm on the slopes, last run of the day. The girls were so worried about their friend but Emily did not want to come home and is doing really well. She must have been very scared though. Keep her in your prayers. Such good kids!!

Molly mostly wanted to tell us about a boy named RJ (same age, very cute!) that kept putting snow down her shirt. This must have been a highlight of yesterday. She and the girls had a plan for revenge that involed shaving cream. They all went Disco bowling last night and had a blast. She said they played out in the snow a bunch and Jerry Wunsch tackled her to the ground!! Just imagine how cute that was. They went sledding yesterday and a sleigh ride with horses that she said were so beautiful and of course, hot chocolate. Today was the day for snowmobiling and a dance tonight. Look out RJ and Evan!! I can imagine she will be very sad to return home. What a wonderful adventure with memories to last a lifetime.

Tom and I are going out for Valentines Day!! And a couple of Molly's buddies are coming over to babysit. I wouldn't trust anyone more, except my Mom. Meredith is literally counting the hours until they come. They will have a busy night playing whatever the Boss decides. Oliver is going to a Lightning game with his friend Matt. Matt is a med student from USF and part of a mentor program from the Children's Cancer Center. Oliver thinks he is very cool.

I hope everyone enjoys the weekend. Looks like a beautiful day.

Love you all,

Sara

Thursday, February 13, 2003 7:15 AM CST

Oh MY! I heard from Miss Molly last night around 8:30pm. They checked into their hotel in Wisconsin and were getting ready to go play out in the snow in the dark. She said it was very snowy. She sounded exhausted since they didn't get to sleep until 1am the night before their flight and then got up at 5am to go to the airport. I think last night was an earlier night, at least I hope so. She said they met lots of players, but couldn't remember their names. Oliver was pretty disgusted with this information. I asked her if she had a chance to let the other girls see the REAL Molly and she said "OOOHHHHH, YEA!!" That must mean they are having a good time. She said today was going to be packed with activities from morning until night. They were assigned two new girls to share their room and she thought this was great....She said "Mom, guess what? We got two new girls with us and one of them has Hodgkins!!" What an ice breaker! But that's what this trip is all about, they are all the same and that creates an immediate bond. We sure miss that Boola around here!! I'll update when they return and post some pictures too. I only sent her with about 5 cameras, didn't want to miss anything. A heartfelt thanks to the Children's Cancer Center and to Jerry Wunsch and his wife for taking the kids on such an adventure!!!

Love,

Sara

Friday, February 7, 2003 11:05 AM CST

You cannot stop the birds of sorrow from flying overhead, but don't ever let them build their nests in your hair.

Dear Friends,

Okay....its another dreary looking day! What's going on here?? Molly shared this quote with me yesterday. She saves special quotes from her language Arts teacher in a journal. She asked if I would post them on her web page now and then. I thought this one was pretty special and I gave it alot of thought, personally. How is it that my daughter has greater wisdom than her mother who is so much older?

It is so easy to wrap yourself in the negative, and live there...I have found how some days, it takes great effort to be positive, and that the other comes far too easily. But, the effort to get out, and move forward, away from what weighs us down is a choice. I don't always make it, but I am trying. These kids who have come into our life this year, are a constant reminder that life is fragile, and feeling good is something that shouldn't be taken for granted. A friend of ours told Molly once to run because her legs could, and to take in deep breathes of air and fill her lungs because they could hold it. Sounded so simple, but not to the child who's body could not even imagine such an undertaking. It made an impression.

Tom comes in around 8pm. Relief is around the corner! HURRAY. Molly was off to the fair. Yucky day for it but I believe there was begging involved. She has definitely felt relief from her back, not gone but better. We'll take better. I changed her appointments from today until Monday so she could go off and have fun today since school is out. Strange priorities but her spirit is always lifted when she is with friends.

Meredith had her first sleep over! She never looked back...so Meredith! She said it might possibly be the best time she has ever had!! What a nut. Oliver is off to the movies and then bowling with his bowling league....he is after the Sponge Bob bowling ball that comes after the league is over. Watching him bowl is worth the trip. Pretty funny.

Molly is packed and ready for her big trip. She leaves on Tuesday. The bag is literally by the door...Of course she keeps adding things like, shaving cream and silly string to use on the counselors when they least suspect...hope they are not reading this.

I wanted to thank my Aunt Deb and cousins Lori, Amy, Jenny and little cousin Hannah for the beautiful bracelet they sent Molly. She just loves it and wants to add more charms to it. She has worn it everyday since. Love you guys!

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Maybe the rushing around will slow down with the Superbowl, and Gaspirilla over. Tampa has been quite the busy city!! Thanks for listening to me ramble, and please keep all the children high on your list of prayers!

Love,

Sara

Friday, February 7, 2003 11:05 AM CST

You cannot stop the birds of sorrow from flying overhead, but don't ever let them build their nests in your hair.

Dear Friends,

Okay....its another dreary looking day! What's going on here?? Molly shared this quote with me yesterday. She saves special quotes from her language Arts teacher in a journal. She asked if I would post them on her web page now and then. I thought this one was pretty special and I gave it alot of thought, personally. How is it that my daughter has greater wisdom than her mother who is so much older?

It is so easy to wrap yourself in the negative, and live there...I have found how some days, it takes great effort to be positive, and that the other comes far too easily. But, the effort to get out, and move forward, away from what weighs us down is a choice. I don't always make it, but I am trying. These kids who have come into our life this year, are a constant reminder that life is fragile, and feeling good is something that shouldn't be taken for granted. A friend of ours told Molly once to run because her legs could, and to take in deep breathes of air and fill her lungs because they could hold it. Sounded so simple, but not to the child who's body could not even imagine such an undertaking. It made an impression.

Tom comes in around 8pm. Relief is around the corner! HURRAY. Molly was off to the fair. Yucky day for it but I believe there was begging involved. She has definitely felt relief from her back, not gone but better. We'll take better. I changed her appointments from today until Monday so she could go off and have fun today since school is out. Strange priorities but her spirit is always lifted when she is with friends.

Meredith had her first sleep over! She never looked back...so Meredith! She said it might possibly be the best time she has ever had!! What a nut. Oliver is off to the movies and then bowling with his bowling league....he is after the Sponge Bob bowling ball that comes after the league is over. Watching him bowl is worth the trip. Pretty funny.

Molly is packed and ready for her big trip. She leaves on Tuesday. The bag is literally by the door...Of course she keeps adding things like, shaving cream and silly string to use on the counselors when they least suspect...hope they are not reading this.

I wanted to thank my Aunt Deb and cousins Lori, Amy, Jenny and little cousin Hannah for the beautiful bracelet they sent Molly. She just loves it and wants to add more charms to it. She has worn it everyday since. Love you guys!

Hope everyone has a good weekend. Maybe the rushing around will slow down with the Superbowl, and Gaspirilla over. Tampa has been quite the busy city!! Thanks for listening to me ramble, and please keep all the children high on your list of prayers!

Love,

Sara

Tueday, February 4, 2003 4:23 PM CST

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Today is so dreary out...the sun never really brightened it up. We get so spoiled here when its just a day or two without the sunshine.

Molly had happy news after school, she said at one point during the day, she whispered to her buddy Kelsey that her back didn't hurt AT ALL!! That is HUGE, because for 2 months now, she has had pain. She said it felt like "normal", and that she wanted to run down the hall. I was thrilled for her. I am going to assume that the medicine has taken effect and that it is doing its job. Whatever the cause of the pain, we don't know, may never know, but its feeling better for her and that is what matters. She was so excited she said she felt like calling Dr. Barbosa right away!! I am excited at the prospect that I may not have to send her to school day after day on codeine!! She is catching up on her work and her teachers have been so wonderful and accomodating. Thank you Coleman!!!

Some of you may have watched the morning show on channel 8 at 10am last week. Brittany, a friend of Molly's from Tampa, was interviewed and a local artist, who is part of the staff of the show, is raising funds for her family in a really unique and cool way. He is painting a Florida mural over the next few weeks and will then raffle it off and proceeds will go to Brittany. What a great idea. Check it out sometime in the next couple of weeks. The painting will be beautiful I am sure.

Thanks for checking in. Melanie, I am still stuffed from dinner, thank you for the treat to Kojacks BBQ!! Really needed that dessert, huh??

I'll update again soon! Better get everyone ready for bed.

Goodnight,

Sara

Tueday, February 4, 2003 4:23 PM CST

Hope everyone had a good weekend. Today is so dreary out...the sun never really brightened it up. We get so spoiled here when its just a day or two without the sunshine.

Molly had happy news after school, she said at one point during the day, she whispered to her buddy Kelsey that her back didn't hurt AT ALL!! That is HUGE, because for 2 months now, she has had pain. She said it felt like "normal", and that she wanted to run down the hall. I was thrilled for her. I am going to assume that the medicine has taken effect and that it is doing its job. Whatever the cause of the pain, we don't know, may never know, but its feeling better for her and that is what matters. She was so excited she said she felt like calling Dr. Barbosa right away!! I am excited at the prospect that I may not have to send her to school day after day on codeine!! She is catching up on her work and her teachers have been so wonderful and accomodating. Thank you Coleman!!!

Some of you may have watched the morning show on channel 8 at 10am last week. Brittany, a friend of Molly's from Tampa, was interviewed and a local artist, who is part of the staff of the show, is raising funds for her family in a really unique and cool way. He is painting a Florida mural over the next few weeks and will then raffle it off and proceeds will go to Brittany. What a great idea. Check it out sometime in the next couple of weeks. The painting will be beautiful I am sure.

Thanks for checking in. Melanie, I am still stuffed from dinner, thank you for the treat to Kojacks BBQ!! Really needed that dessert, huh??

I'll update again soon! Better get everyone ready for bed.

Goodnight,

Sara

Sunday, February 2, 2003 10:08 AM CST

Good Morning,

Man, have we slept! Feels good to be caught up. We just took Tom to the airport to head back to Denver. He was glad he had a non-stop so he could get a little work done. He said he was going to head straight for the office. His boss was so considerate and supportive the past couple of weeks. Thank you Mark! He and Tom have grown to be friends, opposites attract I guess. Its nice having him on our side. Tom will be home on Friday.

We are going to catch up today too. Laundry, groceries and mostly the mounds of homework Molly needs to have ready for tomorrow. The more she finishes, the less stress she will have to face tomorrow. Its a good plan in theory anyway....

We have seen no effect of the medicine yet. We aren't supposed to for several days but we are anxious to know if the nerves are the problem. She has an appointment at clinic on Friday. Thank goodness there is no school on Friday. Molly will try to be at school all week. I am concerned about her absences this year. Not nearly like last year, but the work load is so different. I have tried to explain to her that grades are not the priority at this point. We just need her to feel better. I was told if I have trouble waking her from naps or in the morning, then the dose is too high. Great , huh? And how is it that she will kep her eyes open in school? Its yet to be seen.

She is beyond excited about a trip that has been in the works for quite some time now. The Children's Cancer Center in Tampa will be taking several 12 year old children on a Winter ski trip to Wisconsin as guests of Mr. Jerry Wunsch of the Seattle Seahawks (former BUCS player). He is from Wisconsin and does this every year with cancer children from Texas, Florida, Atlanta and now Seattle. Molly's friends were invited as well; Emily, Brittany and Chelsea, so let the fun begin. She leaves on February 12th through the 17th. There will be skiing, snowmobiling, dog sledding....the list goes on and on. The girls are excited they will have matching pj's. We have heard that Mr. Wunsch's Mom does a great deal of the cooking for the kids. How special. I think I will send about 10 disposable cameras with her so we won't miss anything back here. Mr. Wunsch and his wife supply everything they will need right down to the luggage and long underwear. What a giving man. I am so excited for the kids to have this experience together. The Children's Cancer Center here in Tampa is a very special place.

Hope you all have a relaxing Sunday, its such a beautiful day here. Again, thank you very, very much for the journal entries. Molly just loves hearing from everyone!!!

Much Love,

Sara

Friday, January 31, 2003 at 06:23 PM (CST)

Dear Friends,

Home at last......We just got in, after picking up some Chick-Fil-A and dropping off some perscriptions. Molly is so exhausted but we'll have the weekend to sleep and catch up on some rest...the hospital certainly is not the place for rest. The nurses come in about 5 times a night to check her vitals. After speaking with a neurologist this morning, we have a better understanding of what is happening in her body. They believe there is nerve damage of some kind but do not know the cause at this point. She was put on some medication to give the brain a signal to shut off the nerve ending at the site of pain. The side effects are minimal, just lots of sleepiness. Within a couple of weeks, we should have a reduction in the pain. If so, it will be confirmed that the nerves are damaged. By what is the big question. It was explained that lymph nodes can wrap themselves around a nerve and it would not be detected on any of the scans. We will have to wait and see if this works.

We just want her to feel better. It saddens me so much to think that this has to be part of her sweet life. A twelve year old should feel good and life should be frivalous. She is older than me in so many ways....

I would have to put yesterday on my list of "worst" days. Today, the legs were not shaking and I could breathe without feeling like there was a weight pushing down on my chest and for the first time in a couple of weeks, I could swallow my food without it getting stuck. There is no way to explain the stress that fear and panick create. It is exhausting to say the least. I think we aged a few this long week.

Molly's doctor was wonderful; he was around every corner yesterday keeping an eye on what was going on. He is a remarkable man. He told Molly to be sure and fix her hair before she left the hospital tonight. It looked a bit scarey.

Molly is an amazing little girl. We were beyond proud of how she handled herself. She was given an adorable stuffed bear yesterday, pretty cute! She opted to give it to a little girl next door who was about 8 years old and was all alone without her parents to help care for her. Molly and I talked about the incredible feeling of loneliness that this little one must feel fighting through her cancer by herself. Please pray for these children.

The guestbook entries are such a comfort to read. I read them to Molly last night and again this morning. Thank you for leaving them. Its a reminder to her of how much she is loved.

Goodnight,

Sara

Thursday, January 30, 2003 at 09:00 PM (CST)

Thursday was a long and difficult day for Molly, however it ended with a bit of good news. The doctors completed a bone marrow aspiration and biopsy as well as an MRI of Molly's back. Fortunately, Molly was put under for the otherwise painful test and is on morphine for now to help ease the discomfort. Although the tests were inconclusive, there were no signs of any tumor in her back. This was very good to hear as the concern was that a tumor was pinching a nerve, thus causing pain.

After discussions with the neuro-surgeon, it appears that there may be some other source of the back pain that Molly is experiencing. More tests will be required to get to the bottom of it. One possibility may include an irritation of the lung surface (back side). We'll soon have a game plan to determine what is causing the back pain.

In any event, we are hopeful that Molly will be able to come home Friday.

Thanks again for your support - we'll keep all of you posted.

Tom

Wednesday, January 29, 2003 at 09:14 PM (CST)

Dear Friends,

Thank you for checking in on Molly. She is tucked in and was given some morphine for her back - that helped a great deal. The morphine dropped her pain from a self-assessed 7 to 1 (on a scale of 1 to 10). Fortunately, All Children's Hospital works hard at pain management.

Tomorrow will be a packed day for Molly as she will have an aspiration and a biopsy of her bone marrow. This procedure is done to test the marrow and also looks for "blasts", (Leukemia cells) - it is a "rule-out" procedure. Molly has a very hard time with this procedure, so she will be knocked out. Her doctor has ordered a spinal tap as well as an MRI to look at muscle tissue and the nerves around the spine. This test will help identify potential nerve problems in her back. We are all hopeful it is a nerve problem that can be "easily" fixed (relatively speaking, of course). Whatever it is, we just want to find it and fix it.

Molly misses her friends and spent some time leaving messages from my phone. Her friends have been so thoughtful and caring - such a blessing for her!

Molly's floor at the hospital is very full and packed; it shouldn't be. Please pray for all these children.

Meredith is busy with her homework, Tom is reading, Oliver is with Dylan (a shocker!), and Molly and I are watching a movie. The Childlife Specialist dropped off craft projects, movies and games to keep Molly busy. Hopefully, it will be a quiet night, but not likely. The hospital is a hard place to get real rest.

We'll keep everyone up to date. Thank you for loving Molly - she truly loves all of you!!

Good night,

Sara

P.S. For those of you who know Molly's friend, Brittany, you may want to tune in tommorow morning (Jan 30) at 10:00 AM on Channel 8 for an interview with her.

Tuesday, January 28, 2003 at 03:51 PM (CST)

We had some discussion with the doctor today, but it is pretty inconclusive. To start, the ct scan came back "normal" so whatever was detected in the rib by the radiologist last week, is no longer a concern. Molly's pain is persisting so they asked that she be admitted tomorrow for 24 - 48 hours in order to administer a bone marrrow biopsy and a couple of other tests. As an in-patient, the process will go more quickly. The past bone marrow biopsies, have been difficult for Molly so I asked that she be put under very heavy sedation. Her doctor agreed. Hopefully, we will have a simple solution and get home quickly. Are there any "simple" solutions? We'll be busy with appointments I'm sure. I'll handle the hospital and Tom will play Mr. Mom for a couple of days. Thanks for all your concern and caring, we appreciate it VERY much. I can update this handy-dandy site at the hospital, so we will be in touch.

Much Love,

Sara

Monday, January 27, 2003 at 05:35 PM (CST)

In case anyone is checking, thought I would type a quick update that updates you on what we know.....nothing. Long day, no news. We will definitely have an answer tomorrow. Apparently, the radiologist had not done his part as of yet. I can't help but think that maybe no news is good news? I'll keep with that idea. Molly did go to school and then called around 1pm for Tom to bring her some medicine. She got home from school and was wiped out. I knew she would be after not being there and then trying to get caught up. Thanks so much to everyone for leaving the guestbook entries. Molly has had fun going in to see if she has any new messages. We have heard from friends from all over the country today. I'll update tomorrow when we know what is going on. Have a good night everyone. Tom and Oliver are heading over to the stadium to welcome the BUCS back to Tampa. Should be a fun party. What a game!!!!!!!

Love,

Sara

Saturday, January 25, 2003 at 08:24 AM (CST)

Good Morning,

Glad yesterday is over, it was a long day for all of us. The scans went smoothly, nothing unexpected, except for the length of time bewteen each picture. During Molly's regular scans it moves quickly and there is just one tech looking but today we had a few people gathered around a screen we couldn't see. At one point during the scan, Molly said "Mom, what is going on in there, I think they found something, just please don't let it be cancer." We didn't have any news when we left and expect some thing on Monday. Tom is here until we have some answers. Molly requested Schillers German Deli on El Parado when we got back to Tampa, so we headed there. She had her turkey on white with mustard, a cream soda and a bar of martzipan. That's a favorite. Today is the Gaspirilla Children's Parade. I think we will head to Bayshore to watch. Molly was asked to ride on a float with some of her friends from the Children's Cancer Center. Meredith's Kindergarten teacher, Beth Sessums invited Mere to walk with her in the parade. When I asked her, all she could do was giggle. I guess that is a yes! Oliver will hang with us and catch all the beads. I am hoping all works out to go and that we will all keep busy this weekend with mindless activities. Its hard to have quiet and think.

Love to all,

Sara

Thursday, January 23, 2003 at 02:26 PM (CST)

Good Morning,

Feels like a Colorado morning on the mountain right here in Tampa. Molly's CT scan is scheduled for 2:30pm. She needs to fast from 10am on and then will get an iv and then contrast through her iv. Contrast helps the radiologist see the picture/image more clearly. It makes Molly very nausseated because her stomach is empty and this is what fills it. I am hoping for results late today, but am doubtful at the same time. It may be through the weekend that we wait, but we could get lucky. I can't imagine three more days of a day like yesterday. Molly is just anxious to have an answer to the pain in her back. She is taking codeine every 5 hours and it helps but around hour three, its coming back pretty strong. This worry feels different to us, much more frightening than other scares we have had after treatment. The fact that there is "something" on the rib and she is in terrible pain really makes my mind go and its hard to stop the what if's. I will update as soon as we have some answer on what next. Love you all!! Thank you for loving Molly.

GO BUCS!!

Sara

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