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Tuesday, May 27, 2008 12:07 AM EDT

Hello friends,

Today we are missing Jacob so much as we celebrate the day of his birth. We thank God for blessing our lives with the gift of Jacob! And although Jacob's life was much to short - we know that he lived a life full of purpose and love. And we live with HOPE because we know we will see his sweet face again.

Happy Birthday, Jacob!!
I hope you feel the love we are all sending up to Heaven today.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Friday, April 4, 2008 11:55 AM EDT

Hello friends,

It has been a while since I've updated this page - but I still check in everyday and appreciate so very much the comments in the guestbook. Your sweet words about Jacob and the fact that you remember him touch my heart greatly everytime.

I have been trying to organize my pictures on my computer so that I can find them easier. One thing I noticed the other day when I was going through the pictures was that I have several with Jacob raising his arms in the air towards heaven with just a complete look of JOY on his face. These pictures tugged at my heart greatly and was a reminder of how Jacob embraced LIFE and found JOY in just about everything he did. That kind of JOY can only come from God.



"Happiness is the great feeling that you get when everything is going smoothly. Joy is what God gives you in the midst of trouble when you put that trouble in God's hands. We are happy BECAUSE OF and we are joyful IN SPITE OF."
Anne Robertson



Jacob knew true JOY - it was in his heart and soul. And nothing ever took that away from him. His spirit was so strong, so sweet, so pure and so completely JOYFUL - and that can only come from fully relying on God!



I want to live like that - but some days it is hard to find the JOY and rejoice. The sting of grief often tries hard to steal my joy. But then I think of Jacob and look at these pictures and praise God for the gift that Jacob was to our family . . . for the sweet lessons he continues to teach us everyday. JOY does live deep in my heart and it comes from trusting God and knowing that He is loving and good. JOY comes from knowing that
"God works for the good of those who love him."
Romans 8:28



And JOY comes from knowing that
"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
Philippians 1:21



And another quote that really put things in perspective is from a lady who was diagnosed with breast cancer. She said,
"It's a win-win situation. If I live, then I get to keep on living. And if I die, I get to be with God."



Selfishly I feel that Jacob's loss is not a "win" situation for me - but boy does it bring peace to my heart to know that Jacob did indeed WIN and is living with God.



I admit - some days I have to dig deep and pray hard to find my JOY. But I'm learning that if I just close my eyes and give it all to God, I find myself raising my arms to the Heavens . . . and rejoicing!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"Always be full of joy in the Lord. I say it again—rejoice!"
Philippians 4:4

The picture below was the last picture we took of Jacob before he was admitted to the hospital and put on the ventilator. How fitting that despite being so very sick he is rejoicing! It's as if he is telling me to be JOYFUL because he is with God. I just can't help to cry when I see this picture and thank God for my Jacob. What a blessing he is!


Rejoicing . . . one day at a time,
Heather

Wednesday, February 20, 2008 6:36 AM EST

Hello friends,

It was exactly 4 years ago - on February 20, 2004 - that our lives were forever changed. It was the day that Jacob was diagnosed with cancer. He was only 3 years old at the time.

Cancer was the last thing I expected that day when I took Jacob to his pediatrician because his tummy looked a little bloated. He had no fever, no pain, no weight loss, no fatigue. He was a normal, active little boy - who just happened to have a distended tummy. I was thinking it was a gas-related issue and really wasn't concerned at all when I took him in. The last thing I expected was cancer. So needless to say, our family took the news hard. We were shocked and completely devastated.

This day, February 20, 2004, changed our whole world. I went into the doctor's office that day as a mom of 4 little boys. I came out of that office as a mom of a child with cancer. I went in that office worrying about cleaning my house and came out of that office worrying about losing my son. I went into that office naive, carefree and happy and came out of that office scared, worried and sad. Life is hard and can change in an instant - I learned this lesson the hard way - and it is a lesson I will never forget!

Truly - our life was never the same after Jacob was diagnosed and Feb. 20th was the turning point . . . the day it all changed. And Feb. 20th has become a day of mourning the life we once lived. A day of mourning all that Jacob had to go through. A day of mourning Jacob - who is missed so much!

Life was never the same again . . . but neither were we. Our life changed for the worse - but we have definitely changed for the better. We are a little more compassionate. A little more grateful. We play a little more, clean a little less. We don't sweat the small stuff. We love more, hug more, pray more and FROG more. We laugh more and cry more. We know more about childhood cancer and raise more awareness! We have a better sense of what is important in life . . . it's not the new house or the new car. It's God, family and spending time together that is important.

It is hard to believe that it has been almost 2 years since Jacob has passed on to Heaven. It is difficult for me to wrap my mind around that concept because it just doesn't seem possible that I have lived that long without his sweet presence. I miss him so very much and wish he were here - growing up with his brothers! NEVER in a million years did I ever think that one of my children would make it to Heaven before me. No, I expected them to outlive me by many years! Unfortunately life doesn't always go the way we want it to . . . another lesson I've learned the hard way. But thank goodness God is there with us on our journey through life - through every twist and turn - showering us with His grace. I have learned that His grace is sufficient - for when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

Many people ask us how we are doing. Does it get any easier? Does grief lessen its' grip over time? That is definitely difficult to answer . . . We miss Jacob more and more with each passing day. The pain of his loss still hurts terribly and we have learned that it will never go away. The grief and pain has become a part of our life and who we are. I don't think grief gets any easier - you just get used to it. And I have learned that my grief can bring me closer to God in a way I never thought possible!

I have also learned that we can still be happy! Life does go on - no matter how hard you try to stop it - and I want to enjoy it. I want to have fun with my kids and I don't want my sadness to take away their joy. It is a choice I make each day - to live with JOY and HOPE.

“Hope is not an absence of sorrow but a refusal to allow powerlessness to silence our cry or to shake our confidence in God.”
--Dan Allender

We are mourning today. Mourning the carefree life we lost. Mourning the loss of our son. But yet it is also a day of celebrating! It is a day of laughter and joy and tears and sorrow. It is a day of missing Jacob yet celebrating our daughter. Visit Faithful Froggers to see why joy and pain walk hand in hand!

Ending with a scripture . . .




Walking in the light,
~Heather & Family

Tuesday, December 11, 2007 3:09 PM EST

Hello friends,

The holidays are definitely a tough time of year . . . such conflicting emotions bouncing from happiness and joy to sadness and grief. I've said many times that celebrations and mournings walk hand in hand and that is especially true during the Christmas season.

Life can be moving along quite happily when something unexpected will make me miss Jacob and the overpowering emotion of grief will make me want to hide in my bed with the covers over my head till January! Grief is powerful enough on normal days . . . but during the holidays it seems to intensify and can literally knock the breath right out of you and bring you to your knees. And it gives me a whole new understanding of "BLUE CHRISTMAS." Christmas is a time of wonder and joy and thankfulness but it can also be a time of sorrow as we miss our loved ones who are no longer with us . . . definitely a roller coaster of emotions as we experience great joys with Kyle, Brandon, Devin & Allie yet also the deep sorrow of missing Jacob.

It is because of this sadness that the meaning of Christmas is all the more special to me. How tremendously thankful I am for the gift of Jesus for it is because of Him that I can live with the HOPE of seeing Jacob again. It is because of Him that I know that Jacob is filled with joy in the presence of God - with no pain, illness, suffering or tears. It is because of Him that although I miss Jacob so much it hurts - I also have peace in my heart because I know that Jacob is completely healed and happy at home with the Lord. And I know that God understands my tears and He loves us in our pain. He is always there to help us get through each day and his gifts are abundant to us if we can learn to trust in Him and BELIEVE!

And despite my moments of "hide under the covers grief" I know that I can't let it steal my JOY. I have four children on earth that make sure I get out of bed each morning and it doesn't usually take them long to turn my tears to laughter and make me realize that even though I have suffered a great loss, I am still blessed abundantly! And because I have experienced such great sorrow - I think I appreciate the moments of JOY all the more! Life is hard - but we keep moving forward with hope in our hearts, embracing both the times of joy and the moments of pain.

Please join me in praying for all those who have sorrow and lonliness this Christmas. May God comfort you all and fill your hearts with peace.

Also, in case you missed the update on our Faithful Froggers blog, I wanted to share with you that the first book about Jacob is done and published! If you are interested in previewing the book or purchasing a copy -
Please Click Here.
We are also doing "JACOB'S STOCKING PROJECT" again this year! We do miss Jacob more than ever during the holidays and it truly helps us honor him by filling his stocking to help others. If you would like to help -
Please Click Here for more information.

Since our family has been thinking about and missing Jacob, I thought I would share a few pictures from his last Christmas on earth. We look at these pictures and realize what a miracle it was that he was with us since the doctors had told us on several occasions that Jacob wouldn't live through the weekend. But God had other plans and decided to give us the gift of another Christmas together! How we wish Jacob were here with us now . . . but he lives in our hearts and is always loved and never forgotten!







Someone sent me the following song - and I though I would share it here. It is a beautiful song . . . Christmas Makes Me Cry By Matthew West and Mandisa. (Matthew West sang the song MORE - one of our favorites!) His words hit home with me and really touched my heart.




May you all have a very Merry Christmas and a blessed New Year!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"Look! The virgin will conceive a child! She will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel, which means ‘God is with us.’”
Matthew 1:23

May God be with all of you this holiday season!
~Heather & Family~

Wednesday, November 21, 2007 12:23 PM EST

Hello friends,

Missing Jacob today and everyday . . . but so very thankful for the gift that he was to our family!

So very thankful for the love he shared with all of us.
So very thankful for the lessons of faith, courage and strength he taught us.
So very thankful for the laughter he brought to our home with his silliness.
So very thankful that he was my son.
So very thankful that I will see him again!

I am sharing a slideshow of Jacob that was done about a year ago. I just felt the need to see his sweet face today.

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Thursday, October 25, 2007 10:38 AM EDT

Hello friends,

It has been a while since I've had the chance to update Jacob's page. It is sometimes hard coming here and knowing what to say. I often feel like a broken record . . .

We miss Jacob.
We miss Jacob a lot.
We miss Jacob everyday.

No matter how much time passes - we still miss Jacob terribly and I wonder how it is that he is not here - yet I still am. It will never "feel" right that he is gone and not a day goes by that I don't wish that things could be different . . . that I could have all 5 of my children here with me.

The loss of Jacob has changed us all in so many ways. Are we happy? Of course! We are able to find the joy in each moment - and our 4 children on earth bring us much happiness. But our life will always be tinged with sadness. In every joyous moment . . . Donnie & I often find ourselves wishing that Jacob were with us to share the happiness . . . to pick out a Halloween costume, to watch his sister wrinkle her nose, to pick out a pumpkin. We know that Jacob is always with us and his presence is strongly felt in all that we do . . . but how I miss his physical presence . . . his hugs, his sweet face, his laughter.

Joy is not the absence of suffering. It is the presence of God.
Robert Schuller

Life is HARD and sometimes life doesn't make much sense . . . sometimes God's plan is difficult to understand. But I have to remind myself often that this world - filled with sin, evil and disease was not part of God's plan. No, it is because Adam & Eve listened to Satan and ate that darn apple. Can you just imagine the grief and disappointment God felt when his perfect world filled with sin? But God saved us from this world by doing two things. First he sent Jesus to save us from our sins and then he created a perfect place for us . . . HEAVEN - to save us from death. God did not guarantee us a perfect life . . . but He did promise to always be with us and He does guarantee us forgiveness and eternal life - and for that I am grateful. Because of God's gift of Jesus and eternal life - I know I will see Jacob again! And no matter how badly my heart hurts sometimes - I never forget that I am still blessed in so many ways with a wonderful, supportive family, 5 beautiful children and a God who showers me with grace.

The holidays are approaching quickly and I can't believe Halloween is next week! This is always a bittersweet time of year because Jacob LOVED the holidays and would get so excited. We miss that contagious excitement and joy that he brought to our family. He just always saw the good in everything! How we miss him so much!!! Some Halloween memories . . .



Another favorite Jacob memory. This one is from my mom. Boy, did Jacob love his Grandmom . . . but then again Jacob loved EVERYONE! :)

When Heather asked me to send her a memory of Jacob, my mind started spinning. I have so many precious little memories of my sunshine. As his brothers have already said, he loved getting his face painted. One memory comes to mind when we were at Disney Village in March of 2006. Again Jacob wanted to get his face painted, and he and I went off to find a face painting stand. Jacob stood for a long time looking at the selections for face painting. He had such a hard time deciding which one he wanted, but there was one that caught his eye. It was red and underneath it, it said Super Hero. I said Jacob I think you should get this one because you are Grandmom’s Super Hero. He smiled and told the girl he wanted the Super Hero one. I will never forget how proud he was to be Grandmom’s Super Hero, and how excited he was to show his brothers his Super Hero mask. That was Jacob– a Super Hero in a pint-sized package.

Whether he was shaking his booty, making silly faces, singing, or shopping for his brothers, he had an infectious smile and he was able to see the joy in everything. He loved everyone and everyone loved Jacob, which brings me to another little memory of Jacob. We were all standing in the kitchen. I was teasing Jacob and saying he was my Jacob and Heather said no he is my Jacob and I said no he is my Jacob. We went back and forth a few times and Jacob looked at us with that sweet smile and those big blue eyes and said, "Don’t worry Grandmom, I have enough love for everyone." And he most certainly did.

I have so many precious memories. We are all so blessed to have Jacob in our hearts.







Ending with a scripture and short devotional called, "A Glorious Future" by Vonette Bright.

“Jesus answered them, ‘Do you finally believe? In fact, you’re about to make a run for it - saving your own skins and abandoning me. But I’m not abandoned. The Father is with me. I’ve told you all this so that trusting me, you will be unshakable and assured, deeply at peace. In this godless world you will continue to experience difficulties. But take heart! I’ve conquered the world”
(John 16:31-33, The Message)


Losing a child may be the most painful experience!

It happened to the parents of two teenage girls who drowned during an outing. But this Christian couple had a different attitude. Was there pain? Oh yes. Was there sorrow? Most assuredly. Even so, they determined to put their trust in God. To see the throne of God through their tears.

At that point they recognized their daughters had “new assignments” from God in Heaven. Their jobs were still on earth. The father said, “Although we look forward to that great reunion, we must be prepared to accomplish our God - given assignments until we all go up.”

Dear one, maybe you’ve experienced a loss recently. As a Christian you are not immune to suffering. But rest in God’s loving arms. Your loved one’s mission has moved Heavenward.

Resting in God's arms,
Heather & Family

Thursday, September 13, 2007 1:28 PM EDT

Hello friends,

September is National Childhood Cancer Awareness Month . . . so this is the time to do all we can to raise awareness!

Before Jacob was diagnosed - I thought childhood cancer was something that didn't happen very often. And never did I think it was something that would take the life of one of my own children. But unfortunately - childhood cancer affects thousands of children each year - with 46 new cases being diagnosed every day.

And childhood cancer can affect any child - from newborns to teenagers. There is no known cause . . . no one knows why some children get cancer . . . and no one knows why some children get better and some children don't.

But we do know that cancer is the NUMBER ONE disease killer of our children - taking more lives than AIDS, asthma, cystic fibrosis and diabetes combined! And we do know that 14,000 children are diagnosed each year and sadly 20 about 2800 of those diagnosed will not survive.

And most importantly we do know that RESEARCH is the only way to find a CURE! Research is the only HOPE for the 40,000 children currently in treatment for cancer. We have to work together to find a cure . . . to stop this disease from taking more precious innocent lives.

Someone sent me the following video . . . it is so powerful!





We are still working hard on the first ever

CURE KIDS CANCER CHALLENGE

It's not too late to get involved! We are still in need of volunteers for the day or raffle donations. And we hope you register for the event and come out and walk with us! If you can help in any way - please contact me at dhkduck@aol.com.

Or you can make a donation to our

TEAM AMAZING JACOB PAGE

We are so close to making our goal - so please help if you can. Every dollar raised brings us closer to a cure. Thanks so very much to those who have already donated . . . our family is so thankful for the support! We can't find a CURE without your help! And a big thanks to the boys' elementary school who held a coin drive for the walk and raised over $1300! Wouldn't it be great if schools across the country could do that?? It is such an easy way to get involved and really make a difference.

**********************************************************

It has been 15 months since Jacob passed away. It is hard to believe that so much time has passed . . . we all still miss him more than words could ever adequately express. He still consumes my daily thoughts and there are reminders of him everywhere - in all that we do. And I have learned that time does not heal all wounds. The pain from his loss will always be a part of our lives - hovering just below the surface. But we have learned to live with this pain and accept it as part of our daily lives . . . and we have learned that through this pain we are able to help others better and use it to bring glory to God - for it is by His grace that we get through each day.

We especially miss Jacob during this time of year. Halloween was his all-time favorite and his absence makes the season bittersweet. We can only imagine the costume he would be picking out and we miss the excitement that he seemed to spread to all of us. And we miss sharing Allie with him as I know Jacob would just love her! But we are so very thankful for the 6 years we had with Jacob . . . he made such a positive impact on our lives - forever changing how we look at life. How we look forward to seeing him again!

I know it's been a while - but I still have several "Favorite Jacob Memories" to share. They are all so special to me and definitely help to keep his spirit alive! This one is from Joshua - my step-brother - who is 13. He always made sure to spend extra time with Jacob.

"I think Jacob was the coolest kid I ever met. He was always happy in spite of battling a horrible disease. One of my best memories of Jacob was his passion for Yu-Gi-Oh cards. When I was 10 and 11 I was always trying to get someone to duel me, and Jacob was always willing. Jacob just kept getting better and better at dueling. He was a fast learner, and he was so excited when he won his first duel. I sure miss his smiling face of excitement when I would bring over my Yu-Gi-Oh cards and say "Let’s Duel!"

Jacob has always been special, and even though he is gone today we all think of him as if he is still here. He taught us something very important and that is to love a little more. I will always love Jacob." by Josh










The 2nd Annual Cadillac Invitational sponsored by Dimmitt Cadillac and Enterprise Rent-A-Car - Held In Memory and Celebration of Amazing Jacob Duckworth is October 15, 2007. The tournament benefits the Pediatric Cancer Foundation and it is such an honor to be a part of this event. If you like to golf - then we would love to have you participate! You can click the link below for more information.

Brochure and Registration Form



Also I wanted to ask for prayers for the Sims Family. Sydney's dad is one of the 5 fathers biking from California to Washington DC in an effort to raise money for neuroblastoma research. What an amazing project and we are watching their progress and praying for them as they make this journey! You can view the video below about the Loneliest Road Campaign.





Thanks for checking in and joining us in our fight against childhood cancer! No child should have to go through the things that Jacob did - we must find a cure and put a stop to this disease. Thanks, too, for your prayers! Please keep praying for those listed in the Prayer Request page and keep praying for a CURE!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
1 Corinthians 13:7-8

"What we have once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes a part of us."
Helen Keller

I hope Jacob knows how deeply he is loved!

Trusting, hoping & loving,
~Heather & Family~

Friday, August 31, 2007 11:59 PM EDT

ALLIE IS HOME!!

Praise God!

Please visit our blog for pictures . . .

FAITHFUL FROGGERS

Thanks so much to everyone who has donated to the walk! It means so much to us and we appreciate it greatly.

I'm working on an update for Jacob's page - I know I am long overdue - so I'll be back soon!

Have a great weekend!


****************************************

Wednesday, August 8, 2007 3:23 PM EDT

Hello friends,

I have so much to share with all of you . . . I have about 20 different updates in my head, but it has been a challenge lately finding the time to journal. I don't have much time today either, but I wanted to share with you the flyer about the upcoming walk for childhood cancer . . .



As you all know - we lost our 6-year old son, Jacob to cancer last year. Since then our family has a strong passion for raising awareness and funds for Childhood Cancer Research. It is close to our hearts and truly helps us feel as if we are doing something to honor Jacob. He fought such a hard fight and we want to do all we can to prevent other children from going through the same horrific battle that Jacob did.

We have worked hard with several other families over the past month in organizing the first ever CURE KIDS CANCER CHALLENGE - which is a 5K Family Fun Walk in our area. It will take place on September 29, 2007 in honor of Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. We are praying that this will be a big event and raise money for the Pediatric Cancer Foundation. PCF is getting ready to start 3 brand-new clinical trials - which will cost $12,000 per child - so every dollar raised will make a difference!

We have set up a fundraising page in memory of Jacob and we ask that you please consider making a donation towards such a great cause. No donation is too small and every dollar raised brings us closer to a cure. Our family is saving our change for the next month and will donate that to our walk . . . and saving change is something that we can ALL do. I hope you will all consider helping . . . and if money is tight, then I challenge you all to save your change for a month and donate that. Every little bit will help a child and give the best gift of all . . . HOPE!



Here is our fundraising site for the walk . . .


AMAZING JACOB TEAM PAGE


Also - if you are local - you can set up your own fundraising page or register for the walk if you would like to participate.
Cure Kids Cancer Challenge Registration

Please feel free to forward this information on to family and friends and help us spread the word. And please know how much we appreciate your support and encouragement.

I will update again soon . . . I have lots more wonderful memories of Jacob to share! :) And I will keep you updated about the walk. This walk is very special to many of us who have worked so hard to plan it and we pray that it will be successful.

Also, I wanted to ask that you please keep praying for all those listed on the Prayer Request page. It is updated frequently and I am often overwhelmed at the number of requests . . . so many people and children are going through hard times. Please be constant in prayer and lift them up! My heart just aches knowing that so many are hurting. Makes me realize how we have to make every moment count and thank God for the blessing of another day.

Ending with a scripture . . .
"When we have the opportunity to help anyone, we should do it."
Galatians 6:10

"You must be the change you wish to see in the world."
Mahatma Gandhi

Praying for a CURE,
~Heather & Family~

Friday, July 27, 2007 11:36 AM EDT

In case you missed it - we do have a new family blog . . .
FAITHFUL FROGGERS BLOG
And we did get good news last week that
ALLIE IS OUT OF PGN
which means she is coming home soon - hopefully in the next 4-6 weeks! Praise God!

*******************************************************************

Hello friends,

There are lots of exciting things going on around here and I have much to share . . .

First I am thrilled that a walk for Childhood Cancer benefitting the Pediatric Cancer Foundation is in the works . . .
Cure Kids Cancer Challenge
September 29, 2007
Park Square, FishHawk Ranch
5K Walk/Fun Run, 1 Mile Family Walk
To fund research and hope for children battling cancer!


We are hoping this will be a big event to help raise awareness and funds during September - which is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. But we need your HELP!! If you are interested in volunteering for this event - please contact me at dhkduck@aol.com. Also - we are still looking for sponsorships . . .

SPONSORSHIP OPPORTUNITIES

PRESENTING SPONSORSHIP: $10,000
• Name/logo prominently displayed in conjunction with event logo on all
printed materials
• Name/logo prominently displayed on Pediatric Cancer Foundation
Website
• Recognition in Pediatric Cancer Foundation newsletter (distribution of
approximately 12,000)
• Logo prominently included on event t-shirts
• Two complimentary team entries for up to twelve (6) walkers total,
including t-shirts & goodie bags for each
• Premium placement of corporate banner at post-walk party in Park
Square
• Opportunity for company representative to speak at post-walk party
• Opportunity for sponsors recognition through table display at event
• Opportunity to distribute promotional items in walker goodie bags
• Product exclusivity for brand when available
• Inclusion in all press releases & media materials

STRIDE SPONSORSHIP: $5,000
• Logo prominently included on event t-shirts
• Complimentary team entry for up to six (6) walkers, including t-shirts &
goodie bags for each
• Premium placement of corporate banner at post-walk party in Park
Square
• Opportunity for sponsors recognition through table display at event
• Opportunity to distribute promotional items in walker goodie bags
• Inclusion in all press releases & media materials

PACE SPONSORSHIP: $2,500
• Logo included on event t-shirts
• Complimentary team entry for up to six (6) walkers, including t-shirts &
goodie bags for each
• Placement of corporate banner at post-walk party in Park Square
• Opportunity to distribute promotional items in walker goodie bags

STEP SPONSORSHIP: $1,000
• Logo included on event t-shirts
• Two (2) complimentary walk entries, including t-shirts & goodie bags for
each entry
• Sign with logo recognition along walk course
• Opportunity to distribute promotional items in walker goodie bags

WALKER ENTRY: $25 individual
$100 family (up to 6 members)
• Includes t-shirt & goodie bag for each walker
• Family fun post-challenge party with food and drinks following walk



A website should be up and running soon where you can register for the walk. We will probably have a team walking in memory of Jacob. But we hope you will all get involved. The Pediatric Cancer Foundation is not just a local foundation - they work with hospitals around the US . . .
The Pediatric Cancer Foundation is a non-profit organization dedicated to funding and spearheading research initiatives that will lead to a cure for childhood cancer. To date, we have funded over $3.4 million in grants to the nation’s leading institutions. Most recently, we launched The Sunshine Project, a novel collaborative research initiative that has united the country’s top institutions and investigators in working to fast-track new treatments and increase the survival rate for children battling cancer. This year, we anticipate having three clinical trials in place with about 25 patients participating in each trial. With an estimated cost of $12,000 per patient, donations have never meant more to our mission. Your contribution to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation will yield immeasurable dividends by helping us save precious lives.

We are challenging you to help cure childhood cancer! Please give these amazing children hope for a cure by joining us as a sponsor! Complete the following commitment form and fax or mail it back to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation office at 813.269.8016. Should you have any questions or need additional information, please contact Lisa Orlando at 813.269.0955 or lorlando@Pcfusa.org. Every dollar raised, every item donated helps bring us closer to a cure!

So save the date - SEPTEMBER 29TH . . . we hope to see you at the walk! And please contact me if you would like to volunteer - so we can send you an invite to the next meeting. But you can all help by spreading the word - tell your church, your neighbors, your schools and encourage everyone to participate!


In addition to the walk - we also have the golf tournament coming up so save the date for that! We are thrilled that Allie will be home to join us this year.

2nd Annual Cadillac Invitational sponsored by Dimmitt Cadillac and Enterprise Rent-A-Car
October 15, 2007
- Held In Memory and Celebration of Amazing Jacob Duckworth
Feather Sound Country Club in Clearwater.


I also wanted to remind you that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month. This is the time we need to really band together . . . we need to be that squeaky wheel and really be heard so that we can raise awareness for Pediatric Cancers. I saw this quote the other day and it really stuck with me . . .

"I am only one,
but still I am one.
I cannot do everything,
but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything,
I will not refuse to do something I can do."
Author Unknown

We can ALL do something to make a difference . . .
Write a letter to the editor of your local paper and urge them to do a story on Childhood Cancer. Write to Oprah, The View, Good Morning America, The Today Show or your local news channel. Write to the editor of Time Magazine and Newsweek. Let's bombard them with stories and facts about Childhood Cancer. Also, I urge you all to Write Your Congressman - and support the Conquer Childhood Cancer Act 2007.

Please join me in this fight - I can't do it alone - I need everyone's help!


I have more things to share with you that I have learned as I travel along on this journey through grief . . .

I've learned that I LOVE TALKING ABOUT JACOB. No, talking about him doesn't bother me at all - I love when people bring him up and I am always more than happy to share memories and good times. Talking about him is healing to my heart - so don't ever be afraid to bring him up in front of me. I don't ever want him to be forgotten and talking about him helps keep his memory alive.

I've also learned that LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE. Nothing helps me feel better than a good laugh! Thank goodness for my boys - because they are usually the ones who can make me laugh out loud. I read this quote in a book recently and I just love it . . .
"Laughter lifts our spirits and drops the fever. Somehow, it opens the windows to our soul, letting in light and fresh air. A friend of mine used to say, "Laughter is kind of like changing my baby's diaper - it doesn't solve any problems permanently, but it certainly makes things enjoyable at the moment."
Luci Swindoll

I finally have Donnie's memory of Jacob to share. I must admit that I had a good cry when I read his thoughts about Jacob because it brought back such a flood of memories for me. I am so thankful for all the good times we were able to have with Jacob. We all look forward to HEAVEN . . .

"Jacob,

About a month ago, your Momma suggested that we all share our favorite stories of you. Immediately, I knew I would struggle. Not that finding a good story would be hard, but which to choose. Should I share one of you as a baby meeting Pluto for the first time? How perfectly content you seemed to be laying your cheek on his face and touching his nose. Of course your brothers were equally as content as long as Pluto stayed on the other side of the table. Even then, I could see how brave you were.




Or do I look to when you had just started running? The extreme combination of hilarity and fear I experienced playing chase with you is almost inexplicable. I have never known anyone who could run so fast with such small steps. And while I found it hard to stop laughing at the blurring speed of your legs, I was always so afraid you would trip and fall.

Of course you are probably the biggest reason I occasionally get sharp pains in my lower back when I bend over. You never tired of having me throw you up into the air. And how hard you laughed, on the way up, and then back down into a hug. Oh, how I can't wait to do that again!! I actually had a dream about that a couple of months ago. Although, I woke up giggling to myself, I had to quickly bury my face into my pillow so I did not wake up your Momma. I do miss you!!

I was thinking the other day about the spring tee ball season me and Uncle Kevin coached you, Devin and Brandon. Of course that was another opportunity for you to show off your fast feet. I thought about the time you were playing short stop and the batter hit the ball off your leg. The questioning look you gave me, "Should I get the ball or start crying?" is etched in my memory. I guess since I never answered your question, you chose to do neither. In case Heaven is actually like the movie Field of Dreams, remember, it's ok to cry after you pick up the ball and throw the runner out.



I think I'll choose an amazing day rather than a favorite memory. Christmas day 2005 - against all odds, you were there, you were home and you were feeling great!! I will always remember how you came down the stairs, rounded the corner, threw your hands up in the air like Rocky, and started running towards the family room screaming the whole way!! I couldn't help but think how much you looked like a champion running through the yellow ribbon at the end of a great race. You are still my Champ. I was amazed to see how, in the middle of all the wrapping paper chaos, you stopped to find a specially wrapped gift to take to your Momma. The gift you told me weeks before you wanted to buy her. The gift you spent almost an hour picking out much to the frustration of your brothers. I hope I thanked the sales associate at Jared's enough for the 50 cross necklaces he pulled out for you to look at and hold. How happy and proud you looked when she opened the one you bought her. She still wears it all the time.



Later that day you were able to test your racing skills in the electric go cart you all got from Santa. I still don't know why you thought it was so funny when you ran into the bushes, or the light pole, or the back bumper of our neighbor's parked car. But to see you having that much fun was worth it. Even fixing the bumper. Putting together your K'nex roller coaster that evening was also fun. Your willingness to patiently sit next to me and help me for those hours, made it a very special time together. The whole day was amazing. One that I wish I could live over and over again. But I know that one day, I'll be able to throw you up into the air again, hear you laugh and know that that perfect day will never end. I love you very much!!


Love, Dad"



Please join me in praying for those listed on the Prayer Request page. I read and pray over them every night and I hope you do, too!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"What a God we have! And how fortunate we are to have him, this Father of our Master Jesus! Because Jesus was raised from the dead, we've been given a brand-new life and have everything to live for, including a future in heaven—and the future starts now! God is keeping careful watch over us and the future. The Day is coming when you'll have it all—life healed and whole."
1 Peter 1:3
The Message

Looking forward to having it all,
~Heather & Family~

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Upcoming fundraiser for Jessica Rose . . .

Saturday, August 4, 2007
9am-1:30pm
River Hills Plaza
Family Fun Day - bounce castles, clowns, car wash, food, Mad Science and so much more! Please come out and support this family!

Tuesday, July 17, 2007 11:39 PM EDT

"Children are a blessing and a gift from the LORD."
Psalm 127:3



ALLIE IS OUT OF PGN!!!

Which means that . . .

ALLIE IS COMING HOME!




This means that Allie is officially ours and we can plan to pick her up from Guatemala in 4-6 weeks. So this means we have a daughter!! And we can't wait to meet her, hold her and love her forever!

Thank you all so much for praying with us. I can't even begin to explain how excited, overwhelmed and incredibly blessed we feel. We are overflowing with JOY! God has been so faithful throughout this whole process. Please join us in thanking Him tonight! We are so humbled by His blessings.

We are so very excited. I have been crying tears of PURE JOY all night . . . doubt I will be able to sleep! :) And the boys are bouncing off the walls with excitement. In fact - here's a picture of them when we told them Allie was coming home . . .


Can you tell there is some major celebrating at our house tonight??

I have so much more to share - so I will update again soon. But I just couldn't wait to share the news - we are bursting with excitement and thankfulness. No doubt one amazing angel was watching over all of us during this process!

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift!"
2 Corinthians 9:15

REJOICING & Giving God all the glory,
Heather & Family


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Monday, July 16, 2007 11:00 AM EDT

Hello friends,

I finally got the blog up and running . . . although it is still a work in progress. It is bittersweet starting this new blog and it will take me a while to get used to the change. But I am excited to be able to have the freedom to post more about the boys and Allie.

Jacob's site will always hold a special place in my heart - and I will still continue to update it about Jacob. I love sharing memories of him and having them documented to share with the boys when they are older. What a treasure this journal will be to them!

Thanks so much for continuing to follow our journey - your support encourages us daily! See you at our new blog . . .

FAITHFUL FROGGERS

With many thanks to all of you,
Heather & Family

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Friday, July 13, 2007 11:55 PM EDT

Hello friends,

It was a busy week - filled with lots of errands, appointments and meetings. Somehow I always end up scheduling everything in the same week . . . not sure how that happens! Kyle and Devin have been fighting a summer cold - so we have been taking it easy this week - enjoying the lazy days of summer. Of course we did sneak out to see the new "Harry Potter" movie. Donnie and I are such big fans and we are counting the days till the new book comes out . . . only 8 to go.

Another Jacob memory to share . . . oh how I love sharing these with all of you. They just make me smile. This week's memory was supposed to be from Donnie - but he hasn't quite finished writing his yet. So this one is from Nancy - my dad's wife. Thank you so much for sharing!

"When Heather invited us to share our favorite memory of Jacob, my mind went in to overdrive! How could I possibly pick a favorite, there are so many wonderful memories! However, there is one that comes to mind each and every day for me, it never fails to brings a smile to my face each morning as I walk out our front door!
I stare at a plant with delicate tiny blue flowers that happens to be one of my favorite, it is a Plumbago plant and as it happens, it was one of Jacobs favorites too.

Jacob had been in the hospital for a long time and was finally back home and gaining strength so he was able to get out for a while. I asked Heather and Donnie if there was something that I could do with Jacob. To my delight she said that he wanted to plant some flowers, would I like to take him to Lowe’s and pick out a few flowers to plant. That was all I needed, plans were made to pick him up the next morning.

I arrived to pick him up and Kyle, Devin and Brandon were asked if they wanted to go but they were not interested. But at the last minute Brandon decided to go with us, so we were off to the garden center, one of my passions and such a special time for me to spend with he and Brandon.

Jacob loved his flowers any size, color or shape so I knew this was going to be fun.! We spotted a cart in the parking lot that was a race car with seats for two in the front, we all know Jacob loved his NASCAR racing.. so his eyes lit up, the next minute he and Brandon were seated and begging to race to the store.

When we got inside, every single flower Jacob saw, he wanted! I am not known for ever saying no, so the cart was over flowing as we went through each and every isle Jacob discovered another that “he just had to have”, every color and size! They were under the cart, in the back stacked to the top and a hanging on the handle.

After we checked out and were headed back out, of course, we spotted some “blue flowers” that he proclaimed was his favorite! The Plumbago had caught his eye, a boy after my own heart! We went and unloaded and came right back to buy the “blue flowers”. By the time we finished the second sweep, the SUV was loaded and not another flower could have fit in that car.

When we were home and unloaded all the boys came out to help plant them. Now those of you who know Donnie, know that he takes pride in his yard. Needless to say, I know he was surprised to see the GREAT assortment of flowers that Jacob picked out, it was enough to fill the front and side flower beds not just a few flowers for one spot. I might also add, not more than a few of each type, so it was a great hodgepodge of beautiful flowers of every size, shape and color, not the easiest to lay out in a nice pattern.

But the only thing that mattered was Jacob was so happy with all that he picked out. How that boy loved his flowers!

The planting begins, it does not take too long before, not just Jacob, but all the boys were tired and there I was planting for hours all these beautiful flowers and loving every minute of it.

Heather told me the next day that he wanted to go out in the morning and check on “his” flowers and give them water. This turned in to a daily ritual and I can not tell you how much this touched my heart.

I don’t have to tell you how Amazing this child was in life, and remains Amazing today and forever in all the lives he has touched!

Thank you Jacob, for leaving this forever, lasting, beautiful memory in my heart along with a thousand more." By Nancy







I've had some more lessons learned this week that I want to share . . .

I have learned that it is okay to question "WHY?" or to STRUGGLE WITH GOD'S PLAN. I have talked to many parents and we all struggle with why our lives (and those of our children) had to be filled with so much pain. It definitely makes us struggle with God's plan when you are faced with the loss of a child and I don't think it is a sign of weak faith or makes you a bad person. In fact - I think it is NORMAL to feel this way. I think that God understands our confusion and our pain and I think He grieves with us. Everyone is different in how they handle things and everyone is at a different point in their spiritual journey . . . and we must give people time to find God again after such a painful loss. It is easy to say that you BELIEVE in God, but it is harder to truly TRUST completely in God's plan for our lives. It is a learning process everyday . . . to learn to let go, to learn to give it all to God and stay faithful in the good times and the bad.

"When circumstances shake your faith, never forget God's unseen workings. Focus on God; believe in Him. What you see is temporary and your triumph is eternal."
Moments of Peace for the Evening



I have learned that just like grief - HOPE IS POWERFUL. It is always there - walking hand in hand with my grief. And the following quote sums it up best . . .

"Hope refuses to be submerged. It is powerful. Buoyant. Irrepressible. When life's difficulties weigh us down, hope brings us bobbing back to the surface, giving us something to hold on to and keeping us from going under. Hope is knowing there's a way out, a way through - a way at all. Because Jesus is the way. He is our HOPE!"
Women of Faith

I've also learned that I am taking those first steps of MOVING ON. This does not mean that my grief is gone - and it doesn't mean that I have forgotten about Jacob. That will never happen . . . Grief is a part of who I am now and Jacob will always live deep in my heart. But it does mean that grief does not consume me on a daily basis - the hands of grief are not wrapped around my heart and throat - suffocating me as they were a year ago. Instead grief is walking beside me now - still close enough to trip me up some days and bring me to my knees - yet it's hold on me is not quite as firm. It has allowed a few more smiles and a few less tears and although my scar is deep . . . my heart is slowly healing.

After much thought and prayer - I have decided to start a Family Blog. I love Jacob's Website . . . coming here feels like home. But because this is a Caringbridge site and is about Jacob, I sometimes don't feel comfortable posting things about our everyday life. I feel like this site is for Jacob - a way to honor his memory and share our journey through cancer & grief and hope & faith. But I love to write and I want to be able to share more about the boys and Allie without feeling like it isn't appropriate here - on this website. And I know that might be hard for some of you to understand - but I can't help feeling like this is Jacob's spot - sacred to him. I won't be closing Jacob's site - I just can't do that because it would truly make me sad. And I will certainly continue to update this site - I still have a lot of Jacob memories to share! :) But it might not be as often . . . and I will write in our new blog on a more day-to-day basis. I am excited to have this new outlet and invite you all to join us. But I hope and pray that you will continue to check in here . . . and remember Jacob with us! My blog is a work in progress right now - but I hope to be able to share it with you all very soon.

Thank you so much for following Jacob's story and for all of your sweet messages in the guestbook. It blesses us more than you will ever know. Please join us in praying for those listed on the Prayer Request page and please keep praying Allie home!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"My purpose in writing is to encourage you and assure you that what you are experiencing is truly part of God’s grace for you. Stand firm in this grace."
1 Peter 5:12

Standing firm in His grace,
Heather & Family

Friday, July 6, 2007 10:27 PM EDT

Hello friends,

We have had another busy, fun week - despite the summertime thunderstorms that have been rolling through every afternoon. This is definitely our rainy season!

We went to Peyton's fundraiser on Saturday - which was a lot of fun for the boys. They love to go shopping at yard sales as they think it is the best thing in the world to buy a toy for a quarter! The Star Wars Storm Troopers were there, too - so the boys definitely had a good time. And I always find it so wonderful to attend these fundraisers and see so many people come together for such a good cause.

After the fundraiser, we headed over to Sea World. We have season passes - so it is fun to go over for the evening. Brandon, especially loves it at Sea World. He is my animal/bug lover and he gets so excited to see the animals up close. In fact - when he grows up he wants to work at Sea World! Of course I am sure he is not alone in his desire to to swim and work with dolphins all day . . . wouldn't we all love to work at Sea World?! :)

We went to the "Shamu Rocks" show at night - which is like a big rock-n-roll party - with whales! We were all having a wonderful time - until they played the song, "I Love Rock-N-Roll." If you have been following Jacob's site for a while, then you know that was one of his favorite songs. He sang it all the time - and we can't hear it without thinking of him. It is amazing how quickly grief can attack - out of the blue and consume me - even in the middle of a packed stadium watching Shamu. I went from happy to sad in an instant - missing Jacob and wishing he were there with us. I know he would have been dancing and singing as loud as he could! How quickly my happiness was washed away at that very moment and how terribly sad I became - all because of a song. Yes, that song has such a powerful effect on us - bringing back so many memories and piercing our heart with the pain of Jacob's absence. Jacob left little "fingerprints" everywhere and so many things remind us of him. We are thankful for each "fingerprint" - even though each one is so bittersweet - bringing a smile to our face and tears to our eyes at the same time.

We had a wonderful 4th of July - even though it was a wet and dreary day. We enjoyed a lazy day at my mom's house with too much good food! Thankfully the weather cleared up just in time for my brother and Donnie to put off some fireworks and let the boys have fun with some sparklers. As we were watching the fireworks from my mom's patio - Brandon looked down and found a little frog sitting at his feet and of course Brandon knew that it was sent by Jacob to enjoy the fireworks with us.

Another Jacob memory to share . . . This one is from Kyle.

"Jacob was my little brother. He got sick when he was three in 2004. He was funny and laughed a lot, but he died a year ago. I will never forget him and I still love him and can't wait to see him again in Heaven.
My favorite memory was when we all went to Islands of Adventure on Easter Sunday. We had fun and Jacob was so happy. Jacob's favorite ride was Dr. Seuss. He rode that about 10 times. He also liked to watch the roller coasters. He loved that. We stayed at Give Kids the World.
Jacob was happy most of the time, but I did not like to see him sick. He had lots of crosses and angels and was such a fun little kid. He liked to play games with me and I miss him a lot." By Kyle

I've been sharing things that I have learned during the past year as I've learned to live with grief - and I have more to share with you . . .

I have learned that ALL CHILDREN WITH CANCER ARE AMAZING. Do they not all tug at your heart and touch your lives forever? Is not every child filled with unbelievable courage, strength and grace? I see these children with cancer and stand in complete awe of them - they are all so beautiful and inspirational. Their smiles light up a room and their presence humbles me greatly. We may never understand WHY they must endure so much at such a young age, but I have no doubt that their lives are filled such a BIG purpose. And I know that each time I am blessed to be with a child that has cancer, I am encouraged and driven with such a deep passion to do MORE! I encourage you all to go visit the children's cancer floor at your local hospital. It will be a visit you will never forget.

I have learned that I CAN DO THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I COULD. And this brings two quotes to mind. The first one is:
"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do."
~Eleanor Roosevelt~
This quote is so very true in my life. I have had to look fear in the face more times than I wanted to and I have done so many things over the past several years that I never thought I could because . . .
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

I have learned that I LOVE TO WRITE. This journal started as a way to keep family updated about Jacob. But it has become so much more than that . . . it is the STORY OF JACOB. It is filled with so many memories and is priceless to me. For some people, writing is a chore. For me, it is enjoyable and I always feel better once I have written down all my thoughts, feelings, fears and joys. I love having this journal to share with the boys & Allie when they get older. It will be a wonderful way to share Jacob with them and to show them how God has worked in our life and how much we LOVE all of them. When I write - I do it for my children. I'm not sure how long I will continue Jacob's site. I have a hard time letting it go because it is like losing a part of Jacob again - if that makes any sense. But I do know that I will always continue journaling. I love it - and I encourage you all to write . . . start a blog or keep a journal. It is such a wonderful thing to have all these memories documented.

I have also learned that GOD HAD PLACED AMAZING PEOPLE IN OUR LIFE. It has been a difficult journey - but I have met such inspirational children and remarkable families along the way. I have met people through this website who have encouraged, prayed and cared for our family with such overwhelming compassion and we will never forget that. Many of you have become so familiar to us through your guestbook entries and e-mails that we consider you a long-lost friend! I have met other moms who have lost a child to cancer that have shared my grief and offered their support. We have been so blessed by our new friends we have made throughout this journey.

Another long update . . . thanks so much for taking the time to read it, pray for our friends and respond in the guestbook. We appreciate it more than words could ever express. Have a wonderful weekend, my friends. Please keep praying persistently for all those in need.

Ending with a scripture . . . Simeon is talking to Mary about Jesus - who is still a baby.

"Then Simeon blessed them, and he said to Mary, the baby’s mother, “This child is destined to cause many in Israel to fall, but he will be a joy to many others. He has been sent as a sign from God, but many will oppose him. As a result, the deepest thoughts of many hearts will be revealed. And a sword will pierce your very soul.”
Luke 2:34-35

I realize that as a grieving mothers, we share a bond with Mary - as she watched her son suffer immensely and die on the cross. And the last sentence is exactly how it feels when you lose a child . . . as if a sword has pierced your very soul. I read the following prayer several months ago - and I think about it a lot. The words are powerful and hit home with me in such a personal way. I find myself praying it often . . .
"Lord, I've been pierced to my very soul, and I really didn't know I could hurt this deeply. And so at this point, if I have to go through this, please don't let this pain be wasted in my life. Use it. Use me."
Nancy Guthrie

Wanting to be used,
~Heather & Family~

Tuesday, July 3, 2007 12:08 PM EDT

Just wanted to wish you all a safe and Happy 4th of July. And since it is that time of year for fireworks, I thought I would share the following story again that someone sent me shortly after Jacob passed away. I LOVE the way it describes Heaven . . .

"This author describes the death of a child to an experience he had as a young boy, watching fireworks with his mother. He was so awed by the beauty of the fireworks that he unknowingly wandered away from his mother. She spent a desperate 10 minutes trying to find him, shouting and screaming his name, fear tearing her apart. And just as he turned to say, "Mommy, look at that one!" she appeared around the corner. For her, the separation was agonizing; for him, it was as if those 10 minutes simply didn't exist, he was so absorbed in the glory before him."

Yes - I am hoping that Jacob is so awed by the glory of Heaven that he doesn't realize we are separated! It is agonizing for me - but brings me peace in knowing that Jacob doesn't know this time apart exists. What a great thought!

May you all be awed by the fireworks this 4th of July!

Celebrating - but missing Jacob,
~Heather & Family~

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Saturday, June 30, 2007 12:23 AM EDT

Hello friends,

I'm finding that during the summer - I just can't seem to find time to sit down and finish an update! So what happens is that I write a little bit each day and by the end of the week - I've got one long, choppy update. So bear with me this summer as my updates seem to ramble on and on and on! :)

We had another wonderful, fun week. Summer is flying by, though, and I surely wish I knew how to slow down time! Why is it that the winter, school months go by so slowly - but summer zooms right by??

I took the boys to Busch Gardens last Friday with my mom, Josh and the Wills' Family. That's always a fun experience as we have 7 BOYS all together. They all had so much fun - even though it was a miserably HOT day. Thank goodness for water rides! Then we headed to the beach for the weekend with my dad and Nancy and had a fabulous time. I have always loved the beach - there is nothing more relaxing to me! And the boys love it, too. They love to swim and explore and play and they had the best time. We saw stingrays and lots of fish - and Brandon collected coquinas all weekend. He loves those things and was quite sad when we told him he couldn't bring them home. We also found a dead shark that had washed up on shore - which was way cool for the boys. On Saturday night, we went to a minor league baseball game with Donnie's work. Devin is my sports fanatic and he absolutely loved it. He was too funny cheering and yelling and getting into the game. I think I had more fun watching him than the actual game! They did fireworks after the game and we all had a great time - a weekend filled with wonderful memories! Pictures are in the slideshow below.

We also had the pleasure of meeting a family today that we have gotten to know through Jacob's site. They were in town visiting relatives - so we were able to get together for a little while. We share the bond of being moms to multiples - as she is the mom of quintuplets! Unfortunately we also share the bond of having lost a son - as she lost one of the quints at 6 months old. Her surviving quints are now 2 and are adorable! We all had so much fun playing with them.

Another Jacob memory to share . . . This one is from Brandon. I loved reading everyone's memories because they were all so different from mine. They remembered things that I had forgotten so it was so great to talk about Jacob with the boys and read their journals about him. What I noticed about Brandon's journal is that he did not refer to Jacob in past tense - and his last sentence brought tears to my eyes!

"Jacob is my brother. I love him a lot! Everytime I saw Jacob he smiled and laughed. One day Jacob bought an angel for me. It was orange. I still have it in my room. Jacob is my best friend. My favorite memory with Jacob was when we would play in our bed. Daddy would tell us to stop but we would laugh and play. I also like to play Putt-Putt golf with Jacob. Jacob never called us his brothers. He always called us "his boys." Jacob is my friend, my brother and my hero!" By Brandon

Brandon and Jacob definitely had a very close relationship. And Brandon dreams about Jacob all the time! He is always so excited the next morning when he has had a dream about Jacob. Brandon dreamed the other day that Jacob was working at Disneyworld - at the Tower of Terror ride! Jacob loved watching the Tower of Terror and always wanted to ride it but was never tall enough - so Brandon figured that his dream meant that Jacob was having fun at Disneyworld and had finally ridden the Tower of Terror. And the other morning, Brandon woke up - excited to share another dream. He told me that he had dreamed that I was pregnant. Not really knowing where this dream was going, I just smiled at him and asked if my tummy was really big in the dream. Brandon said, "YES and I went to the hospital with you and you had the baby and guess who it was? It was JACOB! And God had sent him back to earth without cancer." Oh, how I wish that dream could come true! But I then had to have a talk with Brandon how that could never happen. He said that he knew that, but wouldn't it be great if it could?? Yes, Brandon keeps us all entertained with his imagination - but his love for Jacob always shines through!

There is no news on the adoption - but we did get Allie's 4 month pictures. As always her pictures add such excitement to our day and we are always so thrilled to get them and see her beautiful face. The pictures have been added to her slideshow above. We are 5 weeks in PGN - which is the Guatamalan court system. The time-frame for PGN is 6-10 weeks - but many times you get kicked out of PGN for an error in your paperwork. We are praying that we don't get kicked-out, but know that most cases do. The process is so unpredictable - and we won't have any idea when Allie will be coming home till we get the call that she is out of PGN. Please pray with us that Allie is cared for and happy and pray that we get the call that she is out of PGN soon! Once Allie is out of PGN - her birth mom signs off for the 4th and final time, her new birth certificate is issued listing us as her parents, her passport is issued and we get an embassy date to pick her up - usually 4-6 weeks after getting out of PGN!

Many people have asked me if the adoption process has been difficult - and if the waiting is hard. Although we would love to bring Allie home NOW - we knew that a wait would be involved and God has blessed us greatly with His peace throughout this whole process. We understand that adoptions are risky - and our hearts have been guarded - But we also know that every child deserves a family - and Allie will be worth every minute of the wait! We are so blessed to have been chosen as her parents and she is already loved so very much.

I shared with you all in my last update some things that I have learned over the past year - and I have more to share this week . . .

During the past year I have realized that one of the hardest parts of this whole grieving process is the fact that it is sometimes hard OVERCOMING BAD MEMORIES. Yes, we have thousands of great, fun memories of Jacob. But there are bad ones, too. Terror-filled nightmare memories that I wish I could vanish from my mind forever - and for the most part - I can push them way back in my memory vault. But every now and then they resurface and can bring me to my knees in pain - not just from loss but from the suffering that Jacob endured. And unfortunately as I work on Jacob's book - I am faced with reliving those bad times and I realize how unbelievably difficult Jacob's cancer journey was. But the following scripture has helped me when those bad memories overwhelm me . . .

"Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later."
Romans 8:18

This scripture gives me hope that Jacob does not remember any of his suffering on earth . . . that he has seen the glory! The bible compares suffering on earth to childbirth - and I can relate to that so well. The birth of all of my children was terribly painful - it was a scary time for all involved with both pregnancies. Yet - it was all worth it when they placed my beautiful babies in my arms. From that moment on, I found that I completely forgot about the pain because I was experiencing the glory of my children. I like to think that Jacob doesn't remember the pain he endured on earth because he is experiencing the glory and JOY of the Lord. It is all worth it . . . and I couldn't understand that until it was compared to giving birth to my children. So when those bad memories of Jacob suffering enter my mind - I try to instead focus on the fact that Jacob doesn't remember any of that pain because he is PERFECT now - experiencing the GLORY - where no pain, sadness or fear can ever touch him again.

I have also learned that PEOPLE ARE GOOD. I have seen people come together in prayer and I have seen communities come together to help a family in need. I have seen God's love shine through the darkest of days because of the kindness of strangers - and that is such a powerful thing to witness . . . To see how we can all help each other and make a difference in this world.

This update is getting long again, so I'll share more next time. Have a wonderful week, my friends! Please keep praying for all those in need.

Ending with a scripture - one of my favorite passages . . .

"Blessed are those who depend on the God of Jacob for help. Blessed are those who put their hope in the Lord their God. He is the Maker of heaven and earth and the ocean. He made everything in them. The Lord remains faithful forever."
Psalm 146:5-6


Depending on God,
~Heather & Family~

Thursday, June 21, 2007 11:51 PM EDT

Hello friends,

I have started this update several times this week - but we have been so busy lately that I just haven't had time to finish it. So be prepared for a long, choppy update . . . filled with all kinds of rambling thoughts! And know how thankful I am that you are taking the time to read it. :)

The boys and I have been having so much fun this summer . . . bowling, miniature golf, swimming, movies, playing games - have I told you how much I LOVE this time of year?! The boys also went to Sports Camp at church last week and had such a great time - they were sad when it ended. I worked in the nursery during camp and was entertained greatly with the little ones. We also had the pleasure of going bowling at the "Richy's Rascals Wrap" party - hosted by Brad Richards from the Tampa Bay Lightning. The boys are in awe of Brad and they love to bowl - so it was a fun afternoon for them. Brad Richards does so much for the Pediatric Cancer community. He is an awesome guy! You can view more pictures by clicking here. We also had a wonderful Father's Day hanging out at my dad's house. Tomorrow we are off to Busch Gardens for the day and then we are heading to St. Pete Beach for the weekend with my dad and Nancy. We are looking forward to being beach bums for the next couple of days.

We had a very special day on June 12th - remembering Jacob.We spent the day with family, donated books to St. Joseph's Hospital and went to the cemetery to release balloons. Several of you sent pictures of your children releasing balloons for Jacob and I have included them in the slideshow below. It meant so much to us to get those pictures. And I can't thank you all enough for remembering Jacob. Your comments in the guestbook had me in tears as I was overwhelmed once again by your kindness. Your words blessed me greatly on such a difficult day and I can assure you that I will never forget how you have reached out to us with such compassion. I have learned a lot about helping others by seeing how faithfully you have helped us time and time again with your prayers and encouragement.

And I can't thank you enough for all the donations made to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation in memory of Jacob. I never know how many people will respond when I put my ideas out there - especially when sending money is involved! But you all came through for me again - humbling me with your generosity and thrilling us with your contributions. I don't have any totals yet - but I do know that PCF has received close to 70 donations from all across the US! I have to give a couple of shout-outs . . . First, to my cousin, Laura, in West Virginia who raised $1090 with a raffle drawing and donated all of it to PCF! And to the Blomquist Family (which includes 7yr. old triplets) from Texas - who donated $450 to PCF from a garage sale they had - all in memory of Jacob. WOW! You amaze me! And I love to see you all so passionate about raising awareness and funds. Together we can do BIG things. I'm already working on the next project - so stay tuned!

It was definitely an emotional week - facing the anniversary of Jacob's passing. This time of year causes us to do a lot of thinking . . . thinking of this time last year, thinking about the past year, thinking about Jacob and thinking about this life that we now live - so different from what we ever expected. We have talked about Jacob non-stop this week and that has been healing to my soul . . . to talk about him, to remember him, to cry for him. Memories are a wonderful thing - and I am thankful for each one of Jacob.

In my last update, I shared one of my favorite memories of Jacob - and that was definitely the beginning of lots of "Favorite Jacob Stories" being shared around our house. I enjoyed hearing everyone's favorite stories so much - that I asked family to write their own favorite Jacob memory to share on the website. The boys have been keeping summer journals so I had them write down their thoughts about Jacob, too. I will share a new favorite memory of Jacob in each update. I am sharing Devin's story first and I am typing it just as he wrote it - except I did correct all the spelling mistakes! :) He wrote this completely on his own - with no help from me . . . I loved reading what he remembered about Jacob!

"Jacob is my brother. He smiled a lot. His favorite color was purple. He couldn't come to school very much because he was sick. I loved him very much. He was sick but he did not let that stop him from having fun. On Saturday mornings, we would get up and dance. Jacob danced, too, and he was the best one. He shook his booty. We also played Putt-Putt. Jacob got like 100 holes in one. Jacob loved getting his face painted. Everywhere we went he got his face painted. That is why I loved Jacob and cared for him." By Devin
Here are some pictures that Devin picked out to share with you . . . pictures of Jacob with his face painted, playing putt-putt and shaking his booty! Oh, how I miss my Jacob!

I look back over the past year - and can't believe that I have survived without my son. When my boys were born -they were all healthy and perfect. Never in my worst nightmare did I ever imagine losing one of them. Like many of you - that thought was impossible to comprehend and I just knew I could never survive such a terrible loss. But I have found that with God's grace, strength, comfort and love - I can make it. And I have learned some things along the way . . .

First - I have learned that GRIEF IS DIFFERENT FOR EVERYONE. And how a person grieves depends on so many factors . . . For example, it depends on their family support and how strong their faith is. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and it is not our place to judge or give time-frames. All you have to do is listen, give a hug when needed, and leave an encouraging note every now and then. Everyone is different and that's okay!

I have also learned that GRIEF IS POWERFUL. The following quote sums it up perfectly . . . "Grief is powerful. Long after the devastation, it reverberates in our lives like waves, or tidal waves…. Sometimes a storm blows up out of nowhere, and we are, once again, taken and shaken to our core by its ferocity"
Kim K. Crawford Harvie

And GRIEF IS A LIFE-LONG PROCESS. The pain might not be quite as raw - but it is still there and always will be. We will never be able to let go of our grief completely because we love and miss Jacob so much. I jotted down the following quote recently and it is perfect . . .
"Time doesn't heal the wound - love just makes it bearable to wear the scar."
I wear the scar from Jacob's birth on my stomach - but the scar from his death is deep in my heart.

I have also learned that LIFE IS BITTERSWEET. Joy and sorrow, tears and laughter, celebrations and mournings go hand in hand. I have learned to embrace both.

I have learned that I LONG FOR HEAVEN like never before. This world is not perfect and it is filled with hardships and heartaches - but thankfully this world is not all there is - we have the hope of Heaven! I loved this quote I found on Jordan's site . . .
"We are not citizens of this world trying to make our way to Heaven! We are citizens of Heaven making our way through this world."

I have learned to PRAISE GOD IN EVERY STORM. I have learned that doesn't mean we are praising Him for the storm - but instead we are praising God for holding our hand, wiping our tears, comforting our hearts, giving us strength, never leaving us and always loving us - through the storm and beyond!

I have learned to PRAY DIFFERENTLY. So many of my prayers have not been answered over the past couple of years. I have cried out to the Lord often . . . wondering why? But slowly I have learned not to pray for what I want so much as to pray for what God thinks is best. And I pray that God helps us trust His plan even when we don't understand. I have to remind myself that God sees the big picture - I don't. And I have learned to pray less and to just talk to God more as a friend.

I have learned WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE. A year ago I was feeling so lost without Jacob - wondering what to do with my life now that he was gone. As Jacob got sicker, he became more dependent on me. And for 28 months - Jacob and I were always together and I was constantly busy tending to his needs. I loved our times together and losing him was like losing a part of myself. I just didn't know what to do. But I have followed my heart this year . . . and discovered that my biggest accomplishment in this life is my children. They bring me happiness and fill my heart with joy like nothing else! More than anything - I knew that I wanted to be a mom again and have another child. We decided to adopt - and now we can't wait till Allie comes home. What a blessing she is! And I have found my place in the non-profit world - getting involved with PCF. I have learned that I have a passion for raising awareness and I want to do all I can do pass that passion on to all of you.

I have learned that WE WILL SURVIVE - AND BE HAPPY. I didn't think it was possible - but it is. I can feel joy and happiness and hope. Life does go on - and it is our choice to make the best of it and know that God's grace will get us through.

And as I keep sharing all these thoughts - I have just learned that this update is turning into a novel - so I better wrap things up. Please check the Prayer Request page and pray for those listed. It saddens me greatly to know that so many people are facing such hardships - please take a moment to talk to God and pray for these families and send them a note of encouragement.

Have a wonderful weekend, my friends. Enjoy every minute of this beautiful time of year. I know we won't take one minute of it for granted!

Ending with a scripture . . .

"There is a time for everything, a season for every activity under Heaven. A time to cry and a time to laugh. A time to GRIEVE and a time to DANCE."
Ecclesiastes 3:1,4

Still grieving . . . but learning to dance,
~Heather & Family~

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TAMPA TRIBUNE ARTICLE ABOUT JACOB

Saturday, June 16, 2007 4:36 PM EDT

TAMPA TRIBUNE ARTICLE


Hello friends,

Just wanted to wish a Happy Father's Day to all of the Dad's in our life . . . Donnie, my dad and my father-in-law! May they know how much they are loved! I just love the picture of the 3 of them from last year - in the collage above. (Which was made by my amazing mother!) They were all wearing the shirts that they got for Father's Day.

I can't tell you what a great dad Donnie is . . . he always makes time for the boys. He is an "active" dad - the kind that's not afraid to change diapers . . . the kind that is always playing with the kids. Donnie is involved in everything that they do - from coaching their baseball teams to helping with homework to eating lunch with them at school. And I can tell you that watching Donnie with the boys has made me love him even more! I hope my boys always know how blessed they are to have a father that loves them so completely. And I can't wait till Allie comes home so I can watch Donnie with a daughter! :)

Happy Father's Day . . .
to Donnie,
to my dad,
to my father-in-law and
to all who are blessed to be a dad!

I have a lot to share with you - but we are getting ready to head out for the afternoon. I'll update again soon - but until then - please know how much you have blessed us with all the kind words left in the guestbook on the anniversary of Jacob's passing. Your messages touched us greatly - making the burden of a difficult day a little easier to bear. Thank you for remembering Jacob . . . thank you for the prayers . . . thank you for the donations made in his memory . . . thank you for your support, encouragement and friendship! We are so honored to be able to share Jacob's journey with all of you and may you know how deeply you have touched our hearts and blessed our lives. It is hard to explain in writing how much you have strengthened us with your prayers and shown us how GOOD people are. We have just felt overwhelmed to tears time and time again with your thoughtfulness and generosity. Saying "thank you" just doesn't seem enough . . . so please know how grateful we are that God put you in our life. Please know that your messages do make a difference.

Ending with a scripture . . .

"See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us His children, and that is what we are!"
1 John 3:1

Thanking our Heavenly Father,
~Heather & Family~

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Tuesday, June 12, 2007 12:18 AM EDT

It was one year ago, today, that our son left his earthly body and went to be with God. Jacob passed peacefully . . . at 12:30 am on June 12, 2006. Words can not adequately explain the terrible pain that washed over me at his time of death - it was a suffocating feeling, a raw ache for my son as I realized that Jacob would never be with us again on earth. It was a loss of all hope of him getting better, growing up and experiencing life. The pain was truly unbearable - and was much worse than any physical pain I had ever endured - including childbirth! And that raw pain still consumes me occasionally . . . you never know when grief will attack.

Needless to say - losing Jacob was the most difficult time in our life. And although we miss him so very much, we celebrate the fact that he has spent a year in the presence of our Lord. And we celebrate the fact that he is completely healed and has been cancer-free for a year - no chemo, no surgeries, no pokes, no pain, no oxygen, no breathing tubes, no PICU stays, no doctor visits, no tears, no fear, no sadness! Can you only imagine the JOY Jacob is feeling as he sits in the lap of Jesus?

We will never understand why Jacob was called HOME so soon - but we will thank God for the 6 years Jacob touched our lives. And I will thank God for picking me to be his mother . . . how very blessed I am to have had Jacob as my amazing son. Truly - I was the lucky one. And I will carry Jacob in my heart for the rest of my days on earth.

To celebrate Jacob today, our family has been sharing our favorite memories of him. I thought I would share some of the things we remember most about Jacob . . . And if you have a favorite "Jacob Story" or memory - please feel free to share it in the guestbook.

One of my favorite memories of Jacob was at a time when he was very sick. In August 2005, Jacob had taken a turn for the worse and the doctor gave us the grim news that Jacob probably only had days left to live. He had been sleeping a lot and not responding to us - but one afternoon he woke up and became very upset because he wanted to go to Toys R Us - he wanted to get these special stickers for his brothers. At the time, my heart broke because I was worried that he would never get the opportunity to go. But as the day went on - Jacob stayed awake and was more and more persistent about going to Toys R Us - all because he wanted to buy something for his brothers - not himself! The hospice nurse was so touched with Jacob's request that she told us she would break every rule to get him out of the hospital and to Toys R Us . . . and she did. That nurse bent over backwards to help us go and we had to sign so many wavers because we knew there was a great risk involved in taking Jacob. He was still on oxygen and that created a problem - because the hospital didn't want us to take one of their tanks - but thankfully our hospice nurse tracked down one that belonged to the hospice department. We had 15 people in our family escort Jacob to Toys R Us that day . . . and I can't tell you how proud I was of him - sitting up in that wheelchair going through the aisles at Toys R Us. His heart was so full of love for his brothers - and he was always wanting to buy something for them. And that very day Jacob turned a corner and got better - and he went on to live over 9 months longer. Here were the pictures we took that day . . . Jacob was such a hero in my eyes!

This picture was taken in Toys R Us as Jacob was looking at the stickers.

He was so proud and happy to finally pick out the stickers he wanted for his brothers. What an emotional moment that was for all of us!

Well, I thought I would share all of our favorite memories of Jacob today - but I am realizing that this update is already getting too long. So I will share Donnie's and the boys' favorite memories in the next update.

Last week we did an interview for the paper and our local news. These interviews are so hard for me - they are pure torture and take me completely out of my comfort zone. I am more comfortable writing at the computer than talking in front of a camera - I get so nervous. But our hope in doing this story is that we will raise awareness about childhood cancers, share God's glory, and honor Jacob. The same reporter that did the story on Jacob after he passed last year came out again to do the follow-up story - on what we have been doing the past year. In preparing for the interview - I spent some time reflecting on the past year and was really surprised at what a busy year it has been . . .
planning the fundraiser for Taylor with Holly & Sherry that raised almost $20,000, speaking at 3 major fundraisers, Jacob's Golf Tournament raising over $55,000 for PCF, volunteering at the boys' school, Jacob's Stocking project - collecting over 300 gift cards and 500 books for families, getting involved with the Pediatric Cancer Foundation and joining the board, several vacations and starting the adoption process from Guatemala! And I can't think of the past year without thinking of the loss of 6 more of our friends to cancer . . . Megan, Matty, Patrick, Brent, Jake Owen & Taylor.

But I realized that staying busy has helped us cope during the past year . . . focusing on positive projects, spending time together as a family and helping others has helped us deal with the heartache and sadness. Everything we do is with Jacob in mind - wanting to honor his memory. And although grief has weighed heavy on our hearts - I know that we have had many blessings over the past year, too, and made many wonderful new friends.

The reporter, Michelle Bearden, took a lot of time with our family - and we are so grateful that she gave us the opportunity to share Jacob - we are honored that his life is still remembered and celebrated. You can view the story by clicking the TAMPA TRIBUNE LINK at the beginning of the update.

To remember Jacob - our family is going to the cemetery to release balloons and we are going by the hospital to donate more books that we have received. We also cashed in the change we have been saving and donated that to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation in memory of Jacob. We were able to save $180 in just 2 months. Imagine if everyone would just donate their change to PCF . . . I know that we will continue to do this throughout the year. We will also spend the day together as a family - doing something that we know Jacob would have loved. I hope you will celebrate Jacob's life with us today by spending time with your family and doing something fun . . . Laugh and love and hug and pray together. If you feel led - please release balloons, remember Jacob, and say a prayer for all children fighting cancer . . . they are all so amazing.

Thank you, my friends, for all that you do! Thank you for praying for us and helping us with each project we have done. We couldn't do it without all of you and we are humbled by your support. Our life has been touched deeply by your kindness and that is something that we will never forget . . . and something that we will share with the boys time and time again as they grow up. Thank you for raising awareness for childhood cancer and for getting involved. Thank you for signing the guestbook and sending us encouraging e-mails. Thank you for remembering Jacob and caring so much. Your prayers continue to lift us up in our dark days and we can't thank you enough. God's love shines brightly through all of YOU!

Ending with a scripture . . .
"Every time I think of you, I thank my God. And whenever I mention you in my prayers, it makes me happy. God is the one who began this good work in you, and I am certain that he won't stop before it is complete on the day that Christ Jesus returns.
Philippians 1:3-4,6


Thanking God for Jacob,
~Heather & Family~


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Friday, June 8, 2007 6:36 PM EDT

Hello friends,

Life has been busy . . . but we are celebrating each day and have been enjoying every minute of our summer so far. I just love this time of year - lazy days, no schedules and fun times with my guys!

We did go to Disney for 4 days - and had the best time! We definitely had our bittersweet moments since this was our first visit without Jacob - but I'm finding that God's grace is abundant and many times these "firsts" aren't nearly as hard as I anticipate they might be. And of course, it is hard to be sad for long when Kyle, Brandon & Devin are with us . . . they continue to bring so much joy to each day. But Jacob was constant in our thoughts as many things reminded us of him. Thankfully, we were blessed with many cardinal sightings while we were there. We know that Jacob is always with us! There are pictures in the slideshow at the end of the update. We went with the Wills Family.

Tuesday, June 12th will be one year since Jacob left his earthly body and went to Heaven . . .

"The anniversary date of a loved one's death is particularly significant. You will have done something you thought was impossible a few months earlier. You will have survived an entire year without someone who was as important to you as life itself."
Bob Diets

It is so hard to believe that a year has gone by since I have held my son. It has been a year of intense grief and heartache as we have had to learn to live our lives here on earth without Jacob. And although it has also been a year of healing, we know that the pain of losing Jacob will be a part of us for the rest of our life.

Yet through it all we have grown closer to God and felt His presence every step of the way. Trusting God in all things is not always easy . . . and we all struggle with LETTING GO and LETTING GOD - but I have learned that life is so much easier when I do give it all to God. I know that God is good . . . And His grace, strength and love are abundant if we just surrender to Him and BELIEVE.
"Out of my pain, God became a living reality to me as never before."
Gerald Sittser

And the following song comes to mind . . .

"Never Let Go" By Matt Redman
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near
And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?
Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me
And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

Throughout this past year God never let go and only by His grace have we gotten through each day with such hope. And we thank Him - everyday - for blessing us with 6 wonderful years with Jacob. Jacob was truly a gift to our family and God used his life in the most amazing way - giving Jacob's life such a positive impact on so many, including myself. What a wonderful teacher Jacob was . . . and I know I will forever try to live my life as he lived his - celebrating each day, walking in faith, smiling, laughing, singing, dancing, loving, never giving up, helping others, and always FROG-in. May his legacy always live on . . .

And as life continues on without Jacob . . . I know that each day that passes brings me one day closer to seeing him again! So on June 12th, we will remember Jacob with hope in our hearts. We will thank God for memories and pictures. We will feel peace in knowing that Jacob is in Heaven - free from pain, suffering and sadness. We will miss him so much it hurts . . . and we will always love him. Death can never take away the love we feel for our son.

Of course, I must thank all of you for continuing to support and pray for our family. Your notes of encouragement have lifted us up many times over the past year and we are so grateful that Caringbridge provides these websites to connect us all together. I was reading a book on grief not long ago and it said to surround yourself with "HEALing people" - which stands for people who are:
Here for you,
Empathetic towards you,
Accepting of you,
Listening ears for you
I had to smile when I read that as I realized that God had placed many wonderful "HEALing people" in my life through this website! May you know how much your kindness and messages have meant to our family - it will be treasured for years to come!

Ending with a scripture that is so appropriate as we face the anniversary of Jacob's passing . . .

"In fact, we felt sure that we were going to die. But this made us stop trusting in ourselves and start trusting God, who raises the dead to life. God saved us from the threat of death, and we are sure that he will do it again and again. And you are helping us by praying for us."
2 Corinthians 1:9-11

"I learned to trust that through God's grace something beautiful and new would emerge even in the face of my weakness, tears, pain, and hopelessness. I too would live again."
Bethel Crockett

Yes, we know that with God by our side, Jacob in our hearts and the laughter of 3 little boys in our life - we will live again. But we will live differently . . . cherishing this life a little more, hugging our children a little tighter, listening with a little more empathy, praying a little longer, helping others with a little more compassion and trusting God a little more completely. Life will never, ever be the same again and we will never forget Jacob - but we will survive - and give God all the glory, praising Him in all things.

Remembering Jacob and thanking God for him,
~Heather & Family~


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There is a fundraiser going on right now . . .
Handmade Children's Smocks
with $5 of each one sold donated to PCF! The smocks are adorable and we are so excited to see this fundraiser take off!

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THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS DONATED!

To celebrate Jacob's earthly birthday on May 27 and his heavenly birthday on June 12
We are asking that donations be made to the Pediatric Cancer Foundation in his memory. You can make a donation online by CLICKING HERE. Or you can mail your donation to the following address:
Pediatric Cancer Foundation
14005A North Dale Mabry Highway
Tampa, FL 33618
(813) 269-0955

Please make a donation -
In memory of Amazing Jacob . . .
In honor of all children fighting cancer . . .
Help fund the CURE!


DID YOU KNOW?
* In the U.S. almost 3000 children die from cancer each year.
* Cancer is the number one disease killer of children.
* In the past 20 years only one new cancer drug has been approved for pediatric use.
* Only 3 percent of the budget from the National Cancer Institute goes towards Pediatric Cancer Research.
* September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month, which nationally goes largely unrecognized.
*The government recently cut the budget for Childhood Cancer Research.
*14,000 children will be diagnosed this year with cancer.
*Currently there is between 30-40,000 children being treated for cancer in the US.
*As a nation, we spend $14 BILLION per year on the space program, but only $35 MILLION on childhood cancer research per year.

Thursday, May 31, 2007 12:51 PM EDT

Hello friends,

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful birthday messages for the boys. It is always great to hear from you and see some familiar names in the guestbook. The boys' had a fantastic birthday and it was really a great day. We were all certainly missing Jacob - but the day was more happy than sad and we were so thankful that we were still able to celebrate the day with Brandon & Devin. We released balloons in memory of Jacob and wished him a Happy Birthday in Heaven . . . it was a such a special day. There are lots of pictures in the slideshow at the end of the update! And in case you missed it - here is the video I made for the boys' birthday . . .

School was out on the 24th so we are officially enjoying the lazy days of summer. I am looking forward to having a fun summer with the boys . . . they definitely deserve it! This is the first time since 2003 that we can enjoy a somewhat normal summer - without hospital stays. We are excited about the carefree days ahead and I am thrilled to be able to spend time with my guys.

But as much as I want this to be a "normal" summer - I know that there is nothing normal about not having Jacob with us. And I am quickly reminded of something that Donnie tells me often . . . It is a quote from one of his favorite movies - Tombstone. At the end of the movie Doc Holiday and Wyatt Earp are talking and Doc Holiday says that he "just wanted a normal life." And Wyatt Earp tells him that "there is no such thing as a "normal life." It's just LIFE." And that line makes so much sense to me now. Nothing is normal - but we have to make the best of this LIFE we have now.

We leave for Disney tomorrow - and I still need to finish packing. The boys are bouncing off the walls with excitement and we are all looking forward to escaping reality for several days and living in the magic of Disney. There will be 17 of us - so it should be a crazy, fun time!

I have to thank everyone for sending in pictures of your child for the Childhood Cancer project I am working on. Each picture is so very precious and each story deserves to be told! If you would like to be included, please send me a picture of your child - with their first name, diagnosis and let me know if they are - in remission, in treatment or healed in Heaven.

Adoption Update . . . we got new pictures of Allie - added to the slideshow above. She is 3 months old and her medical report said that she is now smiling! We also found out that our case entered PGN on May 23 - YIPPEE! This is the final stage of the adoption . . . but as I said before - it is very unpredictable and it is impossible to estimate when Allie will come home. We have known some people who have been in PGN for 8 months and some have gotten out in 6 weeks! There is no logic to it . . . and it is out of our hands. All we can do it PRAY and be patient and trust that Allie will come home in His perfect timing.

Before I go, I want to share with you some information on some upcoming events. There is another fundraiser for a child with cancer - our friend, Peyton. I have had the pleasure of getting to know this family and play with Peyton and she is a doll! And Peyton's mom has a gift for writing with such grace and humor. Her website is a true blessing. If you are local - please come out and support this family. I'm sure it will be a fun day!



Also, Jacob's oncologist, Dr. Tebbi, is hosting a fundraiser for the Children's Cancer Research Group called Uncork the Cure. Another great cause to support!





Thanks for supporting us . . . we are so grateful that God placed you in our lives. Please keep praying for all those in need . . . so many are going through hard times. Also, I am way behind on e-mails right now - but I will catch up after our trip - and we do appreciate you taking the time to send us an encouraging note.

Ending with a scripture - one of my favorites . . .

"My prayer is that light will flood your hearts and that you will understand the hope that was given to you when God chose you. Then you will discover the glorious blessings that will be yours together with all of God's people."
Ephesians 1:18

Living with HOPE,
Heather & Family

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There is a fundraiser going on right now . . .
Handmade Children's Smocks
with $5 of each one sold donated to PCF! The smocks are adorable and we are so excited to see this fundraiser take off!


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To celebrate Jacob's earthly birthday on May 27 and his heavenly birthday on June 12
We are asking that you make a donation to the
Pediatric Cancer Foundation in his memory. We will accept donations through June 15th.
You can make a donation online by CLICKING HERE. Or you can mail your donation to the following address:
Pediatric Cancer Foundation
14005A North Dale Mabry Highway
Tampa, FL 33618
(813) 269-0955

Please make a donation -
In memory of Amazing Jacob . . .
In honor of all children fighting cancer . . .
Help fund the CURE!


DID YOU KNOW?
* In the U.S. almost 3000 children die from cancer each year.
* Cancer is the number one disease killer of children.
* In the past 20 years only one new cancer drug has been approved for pediatric use.
* Only 3 percent of the budget from the National Cancer Institute goes towards Pediatric Cancer Research.
* September is Pediatric Cancer Awareness month, which nationally goes largely unrecognized.
*The government recently cut the budget for Childhood Cancer Research.
*14,000 children will be diagnosed this year with cancer.
*Currently there is between 30-40,000 children being treated for cancer in the US.
*As a nation, we spend $14 BILLION per year on the space program, but only $35 MILLION on childhood cancer research per year.

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Sunday, May 27, 2007 12:32 AM EDT

Hello friends,

HAPPY 7th BIRTHDAY
Brandon & Devin!
We are remembering Jacob . . . and celebrating his birth . . . and thanking God for blessing us with 3 amazing boys 7 years ago!

I can't think of a better song to be playing on their birthday than "Find Your Wings" by Mark Harris. Here are the lyrics:

It's only for a moment you are mine to hold
The plans that heaven has for you
Will all too soon unfold
So many different prayers I'll pray
For all that you might do
But most of all I'll want to know
You're walking in the truth
And If I never told you
I want you to know
As I watch you grow

Chorus:
I pray that God would fill your heart with dreams
And that faith gives you the courage
To dare to do great things
I'm here for you whatever this life brings
So let my love give you roots
And help you find your wings

May passion be the wind
That leads you through your days
And may conviction keep you strong
Guide you on your way
May there be many moments
That make your life so sweet
Oh, but more than memories

It's not living if you don't reach for the sky
I'll have tears as you take off
But I'll cheer as you fly

Of course this song has a different meaning for Jacob than for Brandon & Devin - yet the words apply to all of them in such a powerful way.

It is hard to believe that another year has gone by and Brandon & Devin are turning 7 years old. It seems like yesterday that I was lying on that sonogram table - totally unprepared for the shock of my life when we were told we were expecting not one, not two - but THREE babies. But looking back on the past 7 years - I realize that having triplets was all part of God's plan for our life. God knew that Jacob would need his brothers to help him through his cancer treatment. Many times Jacob would cry for his brothers and they were the only ones who could make him smile. Brandon and Devin cared for Jacob with such concern, gentleness and kindness and they would literally do ANYTHING to make him happy. They were a huge source of comfort for Jacob and a large part of why Jacob had a constant smile on his face despite all the hardships he faced.

And God knew that Brandon & Devin would continue to bring comfort and joy to our family when Jacob passed away. He knew that we would need them to show us that life goes on . . . and they have been such a bright light shining in our dark days of grief. And not a day goes by that I don't fall to my knees and thank God for trusting me with 4 of His most precious gifts - my boys. And I thank Him for blessing me with triplets - what an honor it is to be their mother!

And although Brandon, Jacob and Devin are triplets, the boys are as different as they can be . . .

Brandon is Type-B - laid back and easy-going. He will talk non-stop and ask a million questions. He is polite, happy and compassionate. He loves bugs and frogs, fishing and riding his bike. He doesn't like to write or read and his room is always messy. He is silly and such a ham - always ready to tell a joke or do a dance. He talks about Jacob and Allie constantly and prays for them every night. He cares about others and is friendly and kind. Brandon is always smiling and can find the positives in every situation.

Devin is Type-A - He is a hard-worker and a perfectionist. He always gives 110 percent and tries his best. Devin is intense - he is quiet till he gets to know you and he has a temper that will often land him in time-out! He is my athlete and excels at every sport. He is neat and likes his room clean and is the best helper around the house. He is competitive and driven and never gives up. He was the first to walk - the first to ride his bike - the first to tie his shoes and the first to read. He is a worrier - and the most demanding for attention - yet he is always affectionate and loving - a momma's boy at heart.

Yes, Brandon and Devin are complete opposites! We often joke and say that Devin will probably be the CEO of a company and Brandon will be a missionary - helping others! ;) But we love that they are different - as it certainly makes life interesting.

And Jacob - well, he was a nice balance between Brandon and Devin! Jacob loved everyone and cared so much about others. He spread joy and love everywhere he went. He was friendly and silly and could always make you smile. We miss the balance that Jacob brought to our family and we definitely always feel that something is missing - our family puzzle will not be complete till we are reunited in Heaven. We miss the sparkle in his eye and the love he shared with everyone. We miss his dancing and singing and laughter in our house. We miss him every minute of every day. But I know that Jacob is having the best birthday ever in Heaven - celebrating with Jesus - and all of his other angel friends. And I know that I have a forever 6 year old, blue-eyed angel waiting for me when it is my time to join him in Heaven. I look forward to the joy I will feel at that moment when I can wrap my arms around my son again! What excitement and HOPE that thought puts in my heart. I can only imagine . . . being in the presence of the Lord with Jacob by my side.

Happy 7th Birthday - Brandon & Devin.
May you always know how deeply you are loved . . . and how very special you are. May you always remember Jacob . . . he is a part of both of you and I know he loved you more than anything - and will watch over you for the rest of your life. May you reach for the stars and celebrate each day. May you know God and trust Him in all things. May you sing and dance and laugh and love. May you know that I love you completely, totally, always and forever!

I have been working on a slideshow for the boys' birthday. So I invite you to take a stroll down memory lane with me and watch my guys grow up over the past 7 years. Each picture represents such a sweet memory and I thank God for each one. And as I look through these pictures - I see the joy my boys have for life and the love they have for each other and I know how blessed I am to be their mother. And I know without a doubt that although my grief is overwhelming at times - my LOVE for Jacob and ALL of my children is stronger . . . stronger than grief, stronger than pain, stronger than death! Oh how I LOVE my boys!

We plan to celebrate the day tomorrow with friends and family. Devin and Brandon couldn't agree on a theme - so we will be having a baseball(Devin)/frog(Brandon) party. We will remember Jacob by releasing balloons. It should be a very special day . . . a day of celebrating and a day of mourning. We leave for Disney Friday . . . but I'm sure I'll update before then! Thanks so much