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Harris Alton Coller, III
May 19, 1996 - November 5, 2003
Thanks to all of you who continue to visit Harris' caringbridge page.
It means a lot to us. Please continue to leave messages for us in Harris' guestbook.
Journal
Friday, November 5, 2004 2:16 PM CST
I can remember so clearly the FIRST time Harris and I saw each other. Harris was born at 1:19am on May l9, 1996. Since I had to be put to sleep for my c-section, I did not get to see Harris when he was first born. When I first saw him (about l hr. after his birth), he was wrapped in a blue blanket and was wearing a little blue hat. I looked at him and he was just looking at me --- trying to tell me well, here I am, come and get me. Then, the nurse brought him to me. A memory every mother treasures forever - the first time they hold their newborn. He was so tiny and beautiful. My husband, Hank, and I were so proud of our new baby boy.
I can remember so clearly the LAST time I held my dearest Harris in my arms. I was holding Harris just like the very first time I held him. I told him how proud I was of him. As I was gently stroking his cheeks, he smiled up at me and told me he loved me. I was crying and he told me not to be sad, not to cry, he was ok. He kissed me again, smiled and then he was gone. It was 4:20 a.m. on Wednesday, November 5, 2003.
When Harris left us it was very peaceful. I know he was ready to leave with the angel that had come for him. A few minutes before Harris passed away, he was talking to someone and asking them, "what was the purpose of that game". I know that an angel was talking to Harris about his video games so that Harris would not be scared to leave his mom and dad. I find great comfort in this thought.
My mornings and nights are so lonely. I miss snuggling up to Harris and holding his feet. As a baby, Harris' tiny feet would fit into the palm of my hand. Even at the age of 7-1/2, his feet were so big that both of my hands had to hold his feet. Harris and I could not fall asleep unless I was holding his feet. Some people have favorite pillows - I had Harris' feet. The first thing I saw every morning when I woke up was Harris and the last thing I saw every night before I went to sleep was Harris.
I still pass through the boy's department when I am shopping and see all the things I would buy for Harris. Halloween was his favorite --- I wonder what his costume would have been this year? What books would he be reading? What movies we would have seen? What fun and exciting trips we would have taken? How tall Harris would be now? His shoe size? What he would want for Christmas this year? I wonder all the time....so many questions and no answers.
I am going to visit Harris' gravesite and take him a few red balloons. A few special friends will come over later this evening and we will have a nice Chinese dinner. Of course, no silverware allowed --- only chopsticks. Harris would be very pleased.
Thanks Tracey for your uplifting emails and adopting me into your wonderful family in Calgary. You are the best. My dear Julie, I miss you alot. Hope to be there in January to celebrate Maddie's birthday. Susan - my nose did not fall off in the cold Minneapolis weather - so maybe you can join me. Thank you my dear friend Tess for thinking about me today -I loved the hand-carved sculpture of a Mother holding her Son. It reminds me so much of how closely I use to hold Harris.
Lauri, Nichole, Terri, Heather, Luz, Carole and Sandy - thank you for being such wonderful friends. Harris loved you all dearly. I know you are missing him today as well.
Hank and I are so blessed to have so many wonderful friends who have been so supportive during this past year. Each and every one of them have shared so many funny stories about Harris. Talking about Harris helps us keep his spirit and memory alive. We also appreciate all of you who visit Harris' caringbridge site. I am sorry that I have not updated more often, I have tried, but I have not been able to think of anything to say. One day, I hope I will be able to update on a regular basis and share with you so many wonderful stories about Harris' life.
I know Harris is having a great time today hanging out with Jake, Maddie, Connor, Cheyenne, Celeste and all the other caringbridge angels. I know Harris is happy and safe. He has alot of friends there. He is in good hands.
Jan Coller
Harris' Mom
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