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CAM'S PAGE 
Cam was diagnosed with stage IV neuroblastoma in January 2002 at only 16 months of age. In October of 2003, Cam was diagnosed with autism. In March of 2004, we sadly learned that Cameron has relapsed.
THIS IS WHAT BINDS ALL PEOPLE AND ALL CREATION TOGETHER -- THE GRATUITY OF THE GIFT OF BEING.
~Matthew Fox
Journal
Monday, May 4, 2009 9:10 PM CDT Good evening, friends . . .
There is something that I think about a lot. . . it is something that has always stood out to me in my studies for med school. One of the first laws of thermodynamics states that "energy is neither created nor destroyed". It has always been a favorite scientific fact of mine because as free spirited as I can be, in the end, I believe in science and find myself to be a scientifically oriented person.
This statement is profound. If one really thinks it out, I mean REALLY grasps what is being said. . . no one would ever think that death is THE END. There is no dispute that we, as humans, are energy. We manifest energy in all sorts of ways through heat, emotions, and movement. So, if energy is neither created, well one has to see that it has always "just been so". So far, unfortunately, science hasn't quite proven how this is, although there are a lot of theories. Secondly, if we (energy) is/are never destroyed, then one must acknowledge that the energy does not disappear. Instead, the energy is "transferred" and merely takes another form. This is seen all over the physics world and has been proven time and time again with kinetic and potential energy being a very simple form of this phenomena.
What I am getting at is this. There is comfort here. If we can accept that energy is not destroyed and that WE are energy, we have to understand that death is a "transfer" of this energy. Your loved one, your friend, your child, or your sibling is physically gone, yes. And believe me, there is pain associated with those left behind. But, in the end, the person's energy has taken on another form. . . wouldn't I love to know what that is or where it has gone! But for me, it is a reminder that Cam was/is energy and that energy is still present. Cam is everywhere, he is everything, as we all are. There is an interconnection in this universe that surpasses our day to day dramas and personal turmoil.
I went through several boxes of Cam's clothing this week that I had saved because I could not bear to look at any of it.( I am moving as I am starting medical school in the Fall in Oregon! wow, amazing!) It was heart wrenching. . . I cried for about two hours straight flooded with memories of places we had been, dressing him, protecting his little body. Truly, total torment. In the end, I washed each and every piece and it felt so good. It reminded me of caring for him and apart from the sadness, it actually gave me joy. This life continues to amaze me with its strange dichotomies.
So, in two short months I leave Florida. I am so excited about my journey and the adventure that lies ahead. I have worked so hard to get here and endured so much . . . it's almost like a dream. Each and every day I find myself saying thank you. This life has been so good to me, even in the heartaches of all heartaches. If it were not for Cameron, my life would not be so full and rich. I am happy and it has taken me a long time to realize that I deserve it. Take care friends. Please see the beauty.
Much love, Michelle
Read Journal History
Links: http://www.lunchforlife.org campaign to raise funds for NB research!
http://www.caringbridge.org/fl/zacharyfinestone Zach relapsed with NB 2 1/2 years ago and is going STRONG!
http://www.caringbridge.org/nc/avabrynne A very witty and funny site through a dad's eyes. Ava has NB as well.
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