History

Journal History

Monday, October 20, 2003 3:19 AM CDT

Hi Everyone,
Thank you All for keeping our Alina in your hearts .
Thank you all for checking on us and for the great notes you leave for Alina and our family in the guestbook!
Well, tomorrow will be 1 year since our sweet Alina became an angel .I still can't believe she is gone, although she is always in our hearts. I miss her more than anyone can imagine unless they have also lost a child . Each day brings more pain and grief . Her laughter and her love fill my heart so much, that it aches for more when I look her pictures , her toys .... so I can not change anything now , but I also can't change the way I feel ....
Yesterday my husband and I had a cry together as we remembered Alina and the pain that she experienced in the last year of her life. She left us with so many memories...

We continue to thank you all for your love .
Thanks again for checking in with us! God bless you all .

Dear Alina ,
Mommy , Daddy , Angelique and Alicia love you forever ...I just want to hold you one more time . I want to hear your voice, see your smile, I miss you so much Alina. I think of you every minute of every day and wish I could see you and hold you in my amrs just for a moment all my love Mommy .
Please remember that I need you . I love you so much . I hope you will continue to give Mommy , Daddy the strength we need to get through each day .

Alina ,
Con gai' cu*ng cu~a Mommy . Con se~ ma~i ma~i trong lo`ng Mommy , Daddy , O^ng Ba` No^i. , O^ng Ba` Ngoa.i va` ca'c Co^ Chu' , Ca^.u Di` .

Wednesday, April 23, 2003 10:47 AM CDT

Hello everyone,

It’s been six months since Alina left. It has been so painful to realize that Alina is not with us anymore. Only those who in the same situation like me, a mother who lost her child can fully understand the TRUE feelings of loneliness and pain. I have been telling myself that I have to be strong so I can take care of Alina’s two sisters, Angel and Alicia. Outside, I seem to be doing fine. And I have been telling others that I’m doing well whenever anybody asks me about Alina. The truth is I am not. I’m not doing fine. I’m not feeling better. The pain is still the same. I still feel the loneliness. I’m still hurt thinking about Alina. Especially when the sun comes down. Every night, when I lay down, I can see Alina’s images and I can hear her laughter. She is with me all the time. Her soul is always with me.

I kept Alina’s favorite blanket. It is now my pillow. … I want to have Alina with me.

Last year, around Easter time, even though she was in pain because of Chemo, Alina still sang and played. I still remembered she talked on the phone with her sister Alicia all the time although Alicia was only 1 year old at the time and they could barely understand what each other said. Alina never complained about her pain. She is a fighter. She told me: “Mommy, when I’m not sick anymore, you let me play at the playground OK?” There are so many things that she said and so many things that she did which cause people to love her more and more… Now, these are only memories…

I visit Alina’s website every night but I can’t update the website because every time I see her picture, I keep crying…

I appreciate all of your thoughts, sharing, and love for Alina and our family. I check Alina’s guest book everyday. Reading your signature help me a lot. Your thoughtful words help me make it through the day. I THANK YOU.

Alina, con gai cu*ng cua Mommy:
Happy Easter Angel Alina ..... You’re always in my heart and in my Dreams..... Love and miss you much
Alina's Mommy

Sunday, February 2, 2003 2:45 PM CST

Can anyone tell me when this pain of loosing my little girl will get better?

ItĀ’s been three months since Alina passed away. However, her laughter is still with me. I have been hearing her talking to me. Her image is already a part of my life. Even though she has passed awayĀ… I still think that sheĀ’s alive, playing with me and her other two sisters.

And itĀ’s hurt.

My life is not complete without Alina. I always feel like missing something, which is very important.

I know itĀ’s hard to get it over with. ItĀ’s been only three months.

I have been trying my best to take care of AlinaĀ’s sisters, Alicia and Angelique. Even though they are good kids, I still feel missing. My family is not complete without Alina. Every time I look at Angel and Alicia, I miss Alina even more.

This morning, I opened the drawer and found AlinaĀ’s medicine. My heart just squeezed and my soul was flooded with tears. I almost stumbled. I asked myself why? Why my little Alina Vo? Why does she have to go through all of the pain of Chemotherapy, Surgery, lung and pancreas infection, vomiting, nausea, and all of the agony only to die?
Why do Alina and the other leukemia kids have to go through all of these pains? They are just little kids.

I remembered when we were at CHOP, we prayed for Alina every day. IĀ’m sure Alina knows that we all love her.

I know Alina is now with God and playing with the other little AngelsĀ…

Hi Alina, Mommy miss you a lot.

Monday, November 04, 2002 at 10:57 AM (CST)

It's been awhile...

I haven't been to this page since Alina's loss... I was too busy...or may be I'm too afraid to go back and see Alina's smiling face!

Last night, I logged in Alina's page... As the page loaded, I couldn't help it but feeling all emotional. I was shocked to find myself crying...

I didn't cry much at Alina's funeral. I didn't feel as sad at her funeral. I've been asking myself why? ....And I thought that I'm such a so strong individual that I could handle almost anything and any loss...

It took me 2 weeks to finally begin to realize and learn that Alina's gone! GONE! FAR AWAY and never come back!
I never accepted that fact! I always think that it never happened... It was like a dream...

Last night and this morning, I learned that it was not a dream but it's reality. It's a FACT that my lovely niece can no longer play with me anymore! It's a fact that there is an empty space in my heart and soul... Can I mend it?
Can I fill up that empty soul of mine? I dont' know how or when...

All I know is I'm missing Alina so so much much..
Cha'u ngoan, cha'u qua^.y! U't thuo*ng tha^.t nhie^`u!

Monday, October 21, 2002 at 11:26 AM (CDT)

Finally, Alina is FREE....
She's flying...
Somewhere out there, Alina is smiling and playing...

ALL DONE ALINA!

WE LOVE YOU

Monday, October 14, 2002 at 04:45 PM (CDT)

Today Alina doesn't want to play with me. She seems to be very tired; she looks pale.

I touched her hand, it's very hot! She was holding a napkin box, when I tried to remove it, she opened her eyes slowly and pushed me away; she wanted the napkin box; it's hers.

I could barely see the sparks in her eyes; she’s extremely tired.

She kept her eyes closed. She's swollen. I heard she moaned. She must be in pain; a lot of pain!

I hate to see my lovely Alina being so passive. That’s not who she is. She is one of the most energetic, clever and cute kids that I have ever played with.

She moaned; she must be very tired.

All I want is for her to feel comfortable. I want her to be free from all of these virus.

I couldn’t stand it. I left!

The nurse hugged me! “Be strong for your brother and sister!”

I nodded.

I left.

And I learned that even the strongest one melts when s/he sees Alina.

One more time, I failed to control myself; I cried.

Friday, October 04, 2002 at 09:57 PM (CDT)

Alina is lying there with her eyes closed and breathing really fast...

"Cold cold!" she moaned.

My strongest baby is very cold even though she is well covered in her favorite blanket, the same blanket that I bought for her last year. I still remembered how I played a trick on her to exchange her old blanket....

It's been a year huh?

1 hour, 2 hours...

She is still sleeping. She doesn't want to play; she must be very tired. The strongest ones are usually the weakest ones... Life is never fair!

The doctors have asked us to make all of the arrangement. Alina will not be transferred to ICU if anything happen. She already has her last chance... Or hasn't she?

"Why now?" I asked in despair.
"So that we'll have everything in place"...

Paused! Silence!

I know what this mean...

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, 7 days...

Alina is sleeping still... some of the tears are shining on those beautiful closed eyes... I know it's hurt my baby but eventually you'll be FREE...

1 day, 2 days, 3 days...

Friday, October 04, 2002 at 01:01 PM (CDT)

... And we thought that Alina would be healthy again...

May be it's fate!

Dr. Rheingold already gave us the bad news that there is leukimia cells in Alina's bone marrow. As of today, there is approximately 75% of cancer cells. The deadly cancer is invading Alina's system... Our Alina is having a fever, she's in critical condition. If she's strong, she will survive day to day with the Pill-Chemo, which hopefully helps to prevent the cancer from growing more...

1 day, 2 days, 3 days, or 1 more month? How long is it going to take?

How much pain can a little kid handle? How much sadness can her parents bear?

All we can do right now is to keep Alina happy! Time is so valuable right now...

She's been asking for her family and friends to come visit and play with her. I have been so mad at myself for being so sick that I can't come and sing with Alina her favorite songs, play with her the "naughty games", and tease her...
I have been so upset at myself why I can't do anything to cure her. Why didn't I have the strength to kill the cancer? Why didn't I spend more time for research, or may be for a doctor degree?

If the Leukimia cell can adapt to the Chemo, why can't the good cells? There are so many why...

And why is it Alina get sick?

I realize that it all come down to FATE... THere are too many why(s) and may be(s)EAch one of us has a "FATE?" ... It may be "YOU", it may be "ME", it may be somebody else... Alina's fate just happen to be not as lucky as the others...

It's not the time for me to moan. It's the time for me to be STRONG! I know that Alina wants US to be happy so we can play with her. I know that she doesn't like to see people cry. She wants to see people smile; happily like La la...

Tonight, I will come and play with her... and I won't cry!

Tuesday, October 01, 2002 at 03:54 PM (CDT)

Alina's mom called me at work and cried; there is 5% of cancer in Alina's blood result. Doctor Rheingold will test Alina's bone marrow later.

Despite all of the cancer inside of her, Alina still plays...

As of right now, we can only hope!

Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 02:16 PM (CDT)

I stopped the car, everything was so dark.

I didn't feel right. There must be something wrong. I didn't think I got lost; I was at Alina's house but there was no light.

I paused and called home. Mom told me that my brother and sister in law took Alina to the Emergency Room due to high fever and other symptoms... Alina is back to CHOP.

Alina's mom told me today that Alina has blood infection. Her white count is not very high right now. We have to wait for her blood count to come up in order to do a bone marrow test.

Despite all of her sickness, our strong Alina still plays whenever she's awake. She even asked for her friends, the doctors, nurses, and other staff in Dupont such as Doctor Aaron and Doyles. When Doctor Doyles visited Alina, she was very excited. Of course, this aunt of her will stop by for a visit tonight.

I strongly believe that this is not going to affect Allina much because she is a strong angel who is protected by all of our prayers...

We'll hear good news soon!

Thursday, September 26, 2002 at 06:17 AM (CDT)

Due to bad fever and hight beating heart rate, Alina was carried to emergency room at CHOP at 7PM Tuesday night. She is getting better now but still suffering muscle aches and vomitting.

Thank you all for your prayers for Alina. They have given her strenght and courage to continue fighting.... Wish she'll get well soon.

Love

P.S: I'm sorry for the late notice.

Monday, September 23, 2002 at 09:55 AM (CDT)

What an exciment when I talked to Alina's dad today.

Hooray! Alina is coming home today. Even though she will have to come back to CHOP for more treatment on 10/6, this is a good sign. There is no blast (leukimia cell) found in Alina. Alina had a fever on Saturday but she managed to pass it.

Our prayers are answered. All of the love from those who know and don't know Alina are the strength to help Alina fighting against the cancer! :0)

I believe more good news will come since we'll continue to pray for Alina.

Alina Will LIVE and live healthily!

Saturday, September 21, 2002 at 07:47 AM (CDT)

Alina has fever today. It's one of the side affects of having chemo. Some other side affects that she is sufferring now are vomitting, and muscle aches.I suggest that it's not a good time to visit her (except her Dad ONLY). Thank you for your understanding, and for having signed the guest book. My heart is so touching by all the lovely caring words and prayers for Alina.

Alina's Mom

Hong Vo

P.S. The photos page has been updated.

Friday, September 20, 2002 at 01:43 PM (CDT)

When I left the hospital late last night, Alina was very tired. She lay quietly on her bed and looked at me with her big, round, and melancholy eyes as I said goodbye.

Today, Alina is doing much better...

She's been watching her favorite song "Mot Thoi Da Xa" (Yes, the same song again and again... If you see Alina in person, you will realize that she tries to "sing" and "act" exactly like the singer)

She stops throwing up which is a very good news...

When I asked Dad to ask Alina if she wanted to speak to me on the phone, I heard that fiery and cute whine on the other line
"uh uh.... uhn..grh..." (which means she's busy... and doesn't want to talk. I bet she's busy watching that SAME SONG again!)

As long as we hear Alina's whine, we know that our Alina is strong and doing good!

Yeap, that's HER, our fierce Alina. KEEP FIGHTING LOVELY!

Friday, September 20, 2002 at 01:38 PM (CDT)

Nguời ta cứ nói... tģnh yźu lą một sự gģ đó kģ kģ diệu diệu... Lą thứ tģnh cảm thuơng yźu đau buồn lẫn lộn giữa 2 nguời, đa số lą giữa 1 nguờI nam vą nữ…
Tōi đến từng tuổi nąy cũng khōng biết mģnh đć biết yźu hay chưa cho –dến khi…

Nó nhģn tōI cầu cứu vớI –dōI mắt thật to trņn vą uớt įp. Hai hąng lōng mi cong vuốt vą đen muớt mịn mąng như nhữNg hąng lụa.

“Đaụ –Dau lắm Śt!”

TōI chết trong –dōI mắt ấy… hồn tōI tan nįt ra từng mảNh vụn, tim tōI nhóị. tōI cảm thấy mģnh choįng vįng--Đāu –dó trong thām tām tōI từng cơn –dau nhóI lźn—thật xót xa…

NguờI y tį luồn kim vąo tay nó… TōI giữ chắ.t –dōI bąn tay nhỏ Bé nhưng –dć xưng lźn vģ những vết bầm vą nhữNg mổ Xẻ, kim –dām. TōI nắm chặt

“Con nhắm mắt lạị. con nắm tay Śt…”

Nó khóc. TōI cố nuốt lại nuớc mă“t, khōNg dįm khóc. TōI sợ Nó hoảNg hốt. TōI cũng khóc.. nhưng những giọt nuớc mắt lą những giọt mįu trong hồn tōi… NguờI ta lấy bao nhiźu mįu từ nó… bấy nhiźu mįu tan vỡ từng mảng trong tim tōi…

TōI rờI bệnh viện, ōm mặt khóc nức nở…

TōI –dć biết cįI gģ lą đau lņng… lą tģnh yźu!…

Tģnh yźu của tōI dąnh cho nó, một –dứa bé gįI con nķt nhỏ… 2 tuổI vớI chứng bệnh thật ngặt nghčo, Ung Thư Mįu!

Tģnh yźu của tōI, chįu tōI!

Trźn thế gian nąy sẽ có bao nhiźu nguờI chiệu hy sinh hiến tỷ –dể Cứu nó? Tģnh yźu của tōI?

Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 10:00PM(CDT)

I called Alina's mom at work today and asked how Alina has been doing. Mom said that she has been having a lot of muscle pain and she's been crying a lot. Even though the staff at CHOP are extremely nice, Alina misses her friends at Dupont Hospital. She keeps asking for the doctors and nurses there who have been trying so hard to save her life and help her to get admitted to CHOP. Alina said she wants to go back to her home-Dupont.. Well, eventually she will learn that both CHOP and Dupont are the places where all of her friends, the doctors and nurses and all other staff "stay" to save her life.

I showed up at CHOP around 7pm. Surpringly, Alina was playing... She was so excited when she saw me.
Mom said she just finished with one section of Chemo.

Alina asked me to download one of her favorite songs "Mot Thoi Da Xa by Phuong Thanh" so she could listen. As the music played, Alina danced and sang along...She then "demanded" me to dance with her and the Teletubies. Being smart and fiesty, Alina asked me to show her the fish on the computer...

And I danced, sang, and played with her.
Her eyes were filled with joy... She tried to stand up to dance like the teletubies but failed... so she lay down and move her hands around...

I could hear that she was breathing very hard... but she would never give up. She would keep playing and fighting her cancer... MY ALINA, MY ANGEL

************************
Alina just threw up while I was writing this... It's her pancreas again...
There is... blood!
I told her to lay down and rest.
Alina smiled and told me "it's because I took so many medicine, that's why I throw up blood..." I'm speechless. If I can hear Alina's, God will...

ALINA... You will be fine my dearest!

Thursday, September 19, 2002 at 05:43 PM (CDT)

Today 9/19/2002, Alina has a lot of muscle aches. She is crying and sometimes vomitting.

Wednesday, September 18, 2002 at 11:41 AM (CDT)

On Monday 9/16/2002, Alina was transferred to Children Hospital Of Philadelphia from duPont Hospital in Delaware. More than 50% of her bone marrow contained leukemia cells, according to the doctor Rheingold. As a part of research study titled "Clofarex", he carried out the perfusion of the new chemo on her body.

On Tuesday 9/17/2002, Alina sufferred some dizziness, stomachache, etc. However, today,9/18/2002, she feels a little better and is in the second day of chemotherapy Clofarex. She is unable to eat.

More update information will be added.

Sunday, September 15, 2002 at 10:32 AM (CDT)

It's been so hectic. We have been occupied with worriness and sadness. The doctors at Dupont have been trying very hard to treat Alina. For a moment, we thought we lost her...

BUT, Alina is now transferred to CHOP. This is a NEW HOPE to the family.

There is a mix of anxiety, excitement, nervousness, sadness, and worriness... God bless Alina and all of the other kids...

Alina's been really sick in the past few weeks. Make-A-Wish sponsorshored a party for her. Alina's family and friends who are also her doctors, nurses, social workers, and etc were there to celebrate her "fake-birthday." Alina was very ecited. She told mom "it's my party, and I've got so many gifts. " Every body played with her. We laughed, made jokes... but deep in our heart, we could feel the sadness... Alina was very excited when La La, her favorite Teletuppy, first came in but and then she was so shocked and started to cry when she realized that she is the center of attention and that there were approximately 5 cameras pointing at her. I saw her smile. The same cute and so fiesty smile; an Angel's smile. Then she calmed down and started to play. She told me, "youngest aunt, you can send the big La La home now.. I just want the little one"... Every body laughed. We all love her.

Alina's mom was smiling while her tears coming down... I was sick so I stayed away from Alina. I stood there quietly in the corner and observed everybody. I could see the pain in mom's eyes. I could feel the stress from her dad. Looking at Alina's innocent face, my heart couldn't help it. Alina is doing so well, she deserves another chance, or even more chances to live. She is a strong character. She will fight for her life. And if she's fighting, why can't we?

Our prayer came true. Alina is admitted to CHOP...Thank you to those who were with and support US. Thank you to those who give Alina and our family new hope...

Who knows! May be this is the answer. May be this a miracle. May be this study will give Alina and other kids back their healthy life...

We're waiting, hoping, and praying.

Saturday, September 14, 2002 at 08:56 AM (CDT)

Dear all,

Alina now has no infection; however, the cancer cells are recently growing very quickly in her body. She will be transferred to Children Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP)tomorrow (9/15/2002).

My family and I would like to sincerely send many thanks and love to all the doctors and nurses here at Alfred I. duPont Hospital for Children and all friends from over the world who have sent their gifts and letters to Alina.

Love,

Hong Vo

Wednesday, July 31, 2002 at 06:07 PM (CDT)

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